Everyday
by wonga316
Summary: AU FIC. Everyday life is an adventure for Shinji with a fully dysfunctional family, over zealous girlfriends, crazy classmates and anything else that will complicate things. No EVAs or Angels. Just fun and laughs. Shinji harem and SA. Now with OAV special
1. Chapter 1

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 1

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER

I don't own Neon Genesis or any of its characters. NOTES

This is an AU FIC where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the FIC. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO 3 – IKARI HOUSEHOLD

The sound of his alarm clock slowly brought out of his slumber. Annoyed by the infuriating sound he lazily reached out and slapped his hand down. The high pitch sound creased and peace was restored. Happy with the result, Shinji returned to the land of slumber.

"You must get up brother if we are to get to school on time."

"Not now…" he replied half asleep and pulled the sheets over his head.

'Hang on… When did Rei get into my room?' Shinji pulled his sheets back down and looked towards his door. There was no one else in his room.

"I must still be dreaming…" He went to rolled over but found he couldn't move. He thought his sheets were still tucked in from the night before and shrugged it off.

"Why must you always be difficult in the morning?" Her voice sounded a lot closer and clearer then before. He looked around the room but still no one. Suddenly a mop of blue hair appeared out from beneath his sheets.

"Did you know you still mumble in your sleep?" It then dawn on him that Rei was in his room and actually in his bed.

IKARI HOUSEHOLD - KITCHEN

Meanwhile in the kitchen downstairs, the matriarch of the Ikari household was busy preparing a health breakfast for her children. She hummed happy tune as she stirred the miso soup.

"It sounds like my precious little Shinji is awake." His early morning shrill didn't worry her in the slightest. It was followed by the thud of someone hitting the floor above her. "Rei hasn't slept in Shinji's bed since they were little…" She amused herself with memories of her two children holding each other while they slept at a young age.

"What's for breakfast?" the guff voice of her husband broke her from pleasant recollections. He sat down at the breakfast table and opened his morning newspaper.

"Oh, good morning dear. I'm a bit busy making breakfast and lunch for the children so could you look after yourself this morning?"

"What! Are you placing the meals of the children ahead of your own husband? This is unacceptable! Don't you know…"

WACK

Before he could finish ranting the back side of the wooden spoon collided with his head sending him face first into the table.

"Are you asking me to choose you over my children? I wouldn't think you would do such a thing sine you are such a loving and adoring husband." Gendo looked up from the bloody pool on the table to see a dangerous and unhuman aura emitting from his wife as she stood over the stove.

"Talk about ungrateful…"

"GENDO NO BAKA!" She went strike again but her soup spoon only cut through the after image of her target and made a sizable dent in the table. She stalked out the front door where her husband sat in the car. He desperately tried to get the engine to turn over and make his escape. Her aura had become stronger and almost evil. With each step she took the plants and grass around her wilted and died instantly.

"God damn it! Start!" he began to sweat as the impending doom loomed closer and closer.

"Good morning Yui!" The voice of her long time friend and neighbour Kyoko Sohryu instantly broke her war path. "My… Your front yard could do with some work." She was quick to point out path of dead and dying plant life leading from the front door to where Yui was currently standing.

"Good morning Kyoko! It's a brilliant day isn't it?" she acknowledged her friend and quickly concealed her wooden spoon behind her back like nothing had happen.

"Where's Asuka this morning?"

"Good morning!" there was just a flash of red followed by a gust of wind as the blur entered the house.

"Asuka! Come back here and greet people properly!" her mother yelled. She was constantly trying to get her little girl to act more like a lady.

"That's fine… She must be eager to see Shinji…" Yui giggled. "Ah… To be young and in love again…" Both mothers walked back into the house chatting and gossiping as usual. Gendo stopped trying to start the car as he watched their retreating form. He slowly got out of the driver's side and slumped to the ground. With the immediate danger gone he decided to rest up a bit.

"I guess God is in heaven and all is right in the world."

He wished he could take back those words as he saw a human tornado wielding the dreaded wooden spoon bearing down on him. Human instinct instantly kicked in and he fled down the street.

IKARI HOUSEHOLD – SHINJI'S BEDROOM

"How many times have I said that you can't keep doing this?" Shinji desperately searched a pile of clothes in the corner of his room for his school uniform.

"I don't see any issue with me sleeping with you." She sounded annoyed and upset at the same time. "I heard you mumbling in your sleep and thought you were having a nightmare. I was concerned for you well being and this is the thanks I get."

"It's not that! What do you think would happen if someone came walking in and found us like this." His arm flapped towards the door as if it was a queue for someone to enter and the way his luck went someone did.

"Alright Baka Shinji! Time to get up and…" Asuka stopped when she saw Rei wearing an almost see through nightie and sitting in Shinji's bed. Her eyes then scanned over to a half naked Shinji.

"Oh… crap…"

IKARI HOUSEHOLD - KITCHEN

"That girl… she hasn't leant any manners at all…" Kyoko commented to herself as she slipped away on the miso that Yui was preparing. The almost ear deafening German hybrid Japanese abuse continued to fill the morning air but this was considered normal for this household.

"I must apologies for Asuka's behaviour, Yui." She told her friend re entering the kitchen. "I'm afraid she has made it a habit of spoiling our time breakfast."

"Oh no. Don't worry yourself. They have all been friends since babies. I don't think anything bad would really happen." At the same time, something flew by the kitchen window and landed with thud in the bushes. Both women opened the window to investigate and saw Shinji's best impersonation of a crash test dummy lying awkwardly in one of the side shrubs

"SHINJI!" Yui immediate rushed back outside to her son's side.

"Asuka… Langely… Sohryu…" Each time she announce a portion of her daughter's name it hinted at the trouble the young German was installed for. Kyoko looked up from the window to see the perpetrator. Asuka's anger quickly disappeared when she saw the look in her mother's eyes and disappeared back into the bedroom window.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES

Gendo was still sucking in the air while sitting next to the bench near the vending machines. He held one cold drink to the back of his head and a number of empty cans litter the ground around him. It was amazing how fear can make the human body doing things that it wasn't thought possible; like run the entire way to the office through the peak hour traffic and still make it in early.

"You got her mad again?" Fuyutsuki asked waiting for the machine to finish pouring his coffee into the paper cup.

Gendo just nodded.

"This is what? The second time this week?"

He showed three fingers telling the older man that he was wrong with his number of guesses.

"Don't you ever learn? How long have you been married to her?"

He changed his hand gesture to just one finger. "All is proceeding as planned. The scenario is still on schedule."

"What scenario? What schedule? Will stop talking like you have some grand plan that is going save the world and mankind! This is NERV Heavy Industries. Not some top secret government organisation. I sometimes wonder how you managed to build this corporation into the multi billion conglomerate that it is."

IKARI HOUSEHOLD – LIVING ROOM

Shinji felt something cold and wet on his forehead. He opened his eyes to find a wet wash cloth covering his brow.

"Shinji! Are you alright! I was so worried!" Yui wiped the tears away as her son showed signs of life again.

"Hey mom… What happen?"

"You remember me. I'm so happy." She grabbed and pulled him a big bear hug.

"Didn't you think you are over doing a bit?" Kyoko asked.

"What! I thought I would never get to see my baby's smile again. I have every right to act like this." She continued to hold onto him like he was really dying.

"I think your baby needs to breathe." She pointed the now blue face of Shinji struggling for air. Yui quickly released her hold and allowed him to breathe once again.

"Ok!" her concern and fear disappeared and was replaced this full of enthusiasm and energy again. "I have to get your school lunches ready." She returned to the kitchen with Kyoko in tow.

When the world stopped spinning and his oxygen level returned to a normal level that his brain and muscles allowed him to move on his on free will, he walked and sat at the breakfast table. Rei and Asuka were already half way through their meals and Kyoko resumed her miso from before. The silence around the table was unusual and punctuated by the occasional elbow from Rei to Asuka's ribs. This was followed up by a subtle kick under the table from Kyoko.

Asuka slammed her hands on the table. "If you two don't stop bothering me…" she didn't finish her threat when it occurred to her what the both of them were trying to do.

"I'm sorry… For smacking you earlier… There I said it." Asuka quickly sat down after her apology and continued eating.

"Isn't that nice Shinji? I guess the both of you can get married now." Yui's comment caused him to spray his breakfast all over the table.

"Married! Just how on earth do you get marriage from an apology!"

"Oh my there is so much to organise… But I do expect that you do the gentlemanly thing and ask Kyoko for her permission."

"Are you even listening to me!" The far away look in his mother's eyes told that there was nothing he could do at this point. He turned to Asuka for support.

"Asuka help me. Tell them that this is insane." The young girl just looked away to hide the massive blush that was appearing.

"I have no problem with you marrying Asuka but I always thought that you would have a lot better taste in women. You deserve someone who can behave more like lady. I could see you with a more mature woman; someone like myself."

"WHAT!" This time it was Asuka and Rei to spray their breakfast across the table.

"Don't be so surprised Asuka dear. I have special needs like any other normal woman and Shinji is quite a handsome young man. I'm sure he has everything in the right places. He's polite and courteous. There's nothing much more a woman really needs."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this! I think I'm going to be sick." Asuka's blush amazingly changed to a green colour.

"I never knew that my little Shinji was such a lady's man." The mother went to give him another hug but only found an empty chair. "Shinji?"

'Damn it! I had one foot out the front door!' this was actually true. Somehow he managed to sneak away from the table and was half way out the front door.

"I think I hear the school bus. See ya!" And just like he was gone like a flash. He wasn't going this opportunity for escape.

"Hey! Wait up!" Asuka and Rei grabbed their school bags and followed him out the door with the same speed.

"But you didn't take your lunches!" Yui followed them to the door with a bento lunch box in each hand but it was too late.

"It's a shame… I had a lot material that could have used on my dear Asuka." Kyoko reflected as she continued drinking her miso.

Shinji's legs took him as far they could go until they felt like jelly. He rested against a random street light and caught his breathe.

"Here baka." Asuka followed up shortly after by shoving his school bag into his mid section. "You forgot this."

"Thanks." He pulled his bag around his shoulders. "How did you catch up to me so quickly?"

"Do you really have to ask? I did represent the school in the cross country last month. Catching up to a slow poke like you wasn't anything special."

"I remember now. Wasn't that the one where you ran in last?" Shinji remembered how Asuka wouldn't stop ranting and carrying on after being selected to represent the school. It came as a huge shock when she finished last and more than a shock for anyone who happened to mention it anytime after that.

"Ouch! Did you have to hit me so hard?" Shinji rubbed the top of his head where he was cobbered.

"Come on. If we keep loafing around here, we'll be late for school." She grabbed his hand and led him towards school. They walked hand in hand down the street and passed a number of other students. As soon as they spotted them the pointing and whispering started.

"Hey, Asuka… Shouldn't we…" his words alerted her to the other student's actions.

"What's wrong? Are you afraid of what other people think about us?" She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him.

"No! I don't care what people think… Hang on, what do you mean when you say us?"

She just rolled her eyes. "You are still dense but I guess that all part of your charm." She smile but it wasn't a normal smile. It made her more beautiful than she already was. It was something that she saved for him ever since they played as children. And ever time she would use it, Shinji couldn't help but smile back.

"You know I can't argue with you when you do that." He admitted his defeat but inside he didn't seem to care.

"That's right! You'll always be my baka Shinji!" She gave him a sexy winked and took his hand again. They continued down the street ignoring the looks and whispers from the other students.

END OF CHAAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES

So what do you think? I know that some may be disappointed with OC and other aspects of the story that don't make sense or seem strange. But this isn't to be taken seriously. Hopefully you had fun reading. Don't forget to add a review or a suggestion. Future chapters will see more favourites like Misato and Kaji. So stay tuned.

Thanks, wonga316


	2. Chapter 2

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 2

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER

I don't own Neon Genesis or any of its characters. NOTES  
This is an AU FIC where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the FIC. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES

"Are you sure they be ok without their lunches?" Yui asked Kyoko again as they walked into the break room. They couldn't start the day without their extra strength NERV blend coffee. The over protective mother always had the annoying habit of fretting over the littlest things when it came to their children.

"I'm sure they'll be able to purchase something from the school cafeteria." Her friend replied growing tired of the constant line of questions and but what ifs.

"But what if they forgot their money… May be Gendo didn't give them their pocket money this week." She began chewing on her nails.

"Good morning Naoko. Good morning Ritsuko." Kyoko had enough of the whining and greeted the mother and daughter combination.

"Good morning you two…" Before the older Akagi could finish Yui rushed up to her.

"Naoko! You have to help me! Rei and Shinji went to school without their lunch. They might stave! Kyoko says they can buy food from the canteen but I don't think Gendo gave them this week's pocket money."

"Ok… Calm down Yui… I'm sure the kids will be fine. They should be able to manage one of school day without…"

"You know…" Ritsuko decided to interrupt. Her mother looked at her and saw that scheming glint in her daughter's eye. "If Gendo had paid them their pocket money then you wouldn't have to worry."

"What did you have to say that?" Kyoko knew what the younger scientist was attempting to do as well. After all, they did have that nine o'clock meeting schedule and she didn't feel like attending.

"You're right Ritsuko! This is entirely his fault! I'll make him pay! He'll pay for making my babies suffer" She raced out of the break room heading directly to the CEO office.

"Do you think we should stop her?" Naoko asked as she fixed her hair messed up from the jet of wind caused by her friend.

"Are you insane? You remember that time in college when Gendo borrowed her chemistry notes and forgot them to bring them the next day. The damage she caused cost us the deposit on our dorm. That money was for my summer vacation that year." The thought of lost romances depressed Kyoko somewhat.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL

Before Shinji and Asuka had arrived at school, word had already spread around thanks to the gossip machine that was the school yard grape vine. He was already starting to get death stares from the male students who had pined for the young German's affection and they had not even stepped onto school grounds.

"Rei? How did you get here?" He was surprised by her appearance. She waited patiently beside the school gate for them. She had her own fan club and they lined along side her. Each of them holding either a letter declaring their undying love or some sort of gift in a hope that she would consider even looking in their direction.

"I was worried that something may have happen to you brother. It normally doesn't take this long for your to walk to school." She ignored the attention of her fan club and walked straight up to the pair. "This only occurs when Sohryu accompanies you to school. I fear that this is becoming detrimental to your studies."

"Don't you think he's old enough to look after his own studies? He can live without your constant interference." Asuka was still upset about finding her in Shinji's bed this morning and Rei's accusations annoyed the fiery red head.

"Are you suggesting that I abandon my brother so his gentleness and kindness can be abused by people like yourself?" The protective sister stood her ground and wasn't about to back down.

"I didn't want to start the morning like his but you leave me with no choice wonder girl." Asuka began rolling up her sleeves and warmed up her knuckles.

"Listen girls…" he forced his way between them. "It's such a good morning. The sun is out. The birds are chirping. Everyone's happy…" before he could finish a hand for the developing crowd around the three reach over and grabbed him by the collar.

"Will you shut up! You'll ruin everything." The owner of the hand whispered.

"Touji? What are you doing?" the self confessed jock just motion out the back of the crowd. Kensuke was standing underneath a huge banner collecting money from the students. The banner read _Annual Battle Royale – Red Devil Vs Ice Queen. Bet placed here. No refunds given._

"You guys are making money on this!" Touji quickly slapped his hand over Shinji's mouth.

"If you don't keep quiet then you won't be getting your cut."

"I don't want a cut!" he muffled though the hand covering his mouth. "How could you profit from something like this?"

"We're just making the best out of a bad situation. Last month we hauled in nearly hundred thousand yen."

"Hundred thousand! Is that how you were able to buy that bracelet for Hikari?" Touji nodded. "Well… At least you spent the money on something nice…"

"Yeah! And Ken managed to get that year subscription to Chicks with Guns. Dude, have you seen the bazookas the chicks have in that magazine?" he replied with a drool. Shinji knew that his friend wasn't referring to the weapon when he meant bazookas. Having enough of the circus that was the morning he decided to head to class.

"I'm going to class now." He wasn't going to stick around if either Rei or Asuka found out what his best friends were doing.

"Yeah whatever…" Touji daydreaming about his bazookas as the verbal to and throw between Asuka and Rei began to get more heated.

His way to classroom was less eventfully. The majority of the student body had gathered around the Asuka and Rei sortie which gave him some peaceful time alone. He entered the classroom and found that he was the first to arrive which was surprising since it was usually Hikari. He walked over to his usual place and let his head hit the desk.

"What a morning…"

"Shinji-kun?" a girl's voice called out. He looked up to see Mana standing in the doorway.

"Kirishima?"

"What are you going here all by yourself? And how many times have I told you to call me Mana?" She hoped over and sat next to him.

"Oh… I just wanted some time alone that's all…"

"I see… Are you having any troubles at home? May be I can help?" she looked genuinely concern.

"Home is fine… It's just…" She grabbed his hand to encourage him to continue but instantly let go when he faced her properly.

"My God! What happen here Shinji?" She gently touched the bruise on the side of his cheek that Asuka gave early this morning. Then she reached into her bag and pulled out a bottle of mineral water and a handkerchief. She used it to dampen her handkerchief and then patted the side of his face.

"It was Asuka again wasn't it?" Shinji would occasionally appear with battle scars from Asuka or Asuka related encounters. So it was common knowledge and no one was really worried that something serious could be happening.

"You poor thing… You don't deserve this…" The handkerchief was a cool and soothing sensation and he became hypnotised by her touches and looks. The morning sun coming in from behind played and highlighted her hair and facial features. Her emerald green eyes contrasted beautifully against her black hair and flawless skin.

"Thanks Mana… It feels better already."

"I'm glad… You remembered my name as well." She giggled a little. "You should smile more often. You are more handsome when you do."

"You think so? Asuka just say that I just look like pervert grinning at something exciting."

"Hmmm… May be you do but I wouldn't mind if you looked at me that way." Her flirtatious comment caused him to start blushing.

"Ikari? Kirishima? You two are both here early." The voice of the class representative broke their little moment together. It surprised him and as a consequence he fell backwards out of his chair.

"Shinji!"

"Ikari!" both girls rushed to his side quickly.

"Oh man… This is embarrassing…" They grasp onto an arm each and pull him back to his feet.

"No! It's my fault." Hikari said. "I shouldn't have surprised you like that."

He reassured the girl by placing his hand on her shoulder. Hikari was unaccustomed with contact from the opposite sex. In fact, she and Touji had only gone as far as hold hands and some innocent kisses. His touch caused her to go red in the face and look away.

"It looks like you are being that pervert Shinji." Mana was quick to pickup and Hikari's embarrassment. It never dawn on him what his actions were doing to her.

"God! I'm so sorry Hikari!" he apologies quickly trying to make up for it causing Mana to laugh.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES

Staff and workers quickly flatten themselves against the wall as hurricane Yui tore through the corridors. Any loose files or papers were caught in her winds and sent flying into the air. Glass in the window began to flex and warp but didn't break.

"She's a bit off this morning." One of the workers commented after she passed by. He tapped glass making sure it was still there.

"Nah… I saw the bill for the repair work last time something upset her." The woman from accounts replied. "I think the money came of out her budget. So I guess she is running really close to red this quarter."

Gendo's personal assistant was busy preparing the morning files and appointments for the CEO. She felt the air began to slowly drawn out of the room. Having been with organisation for a number of years, a change in the conditions of this nature could only mean one thing. She quickly fasten everything down and open the door leading to Gendo's office. Inside the chairman had upgraded from the cold soft drink can to a proper ice pack.

"Sir, your wife is here is to see you." She announced and bowed.

"My wife?" the overwhelming sense of doom came rushing back. The only thing he saw was a pair burning eyes amidst the force of the hurricane before being collected by the backside of a wooden spoon.

The PA closed the door and returned to her desk. The terrible sounds of someone on the end of a beating filled the air but this didn't deter her. She continued with her work while waiting for the first aid office to pick the phone. His number was conveniently programmed in her speed dial.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL

Eventually class started and school resume as normal after the fanfare of the morning. Asuka and Rei returned to class with the showdown ending in nothing more than a few harsh words. Touji and Kensuke sulked as their bookmaking didn't make the amount of money as they predicted. Shinji spent the majority of his morning class emptying out his email inbox. Everyday was the same. He would get bombarded by either death threats from the guys jealous that he had almost all girls vying for his affections or wanting to know the juicy details of their bedroom affairs. The other half of the emails were from the female section of the school population. They also wanted to the juicy details and / or be a part of them.

The chime signalling lunch time rang out. Everyone welcomed the long awaited break. As usual Rei and Asuka dragged Shinji to their usual spot in the school yard. It was actually the best shaded spot under the largest cherry blossom tree in the entire school. There was an unwritten law that it belong to Shinji. And anyone caught using would suffer the full force and fury of the red devil and the ice queen combined.

"What's the matter with you?" Kensuke ask his Shinji who looked lost and wasn't eating.

"Oh… I was in a rush this morning and forgot my lunch…" he laughed it off trying trivialise what he had done.

"Just get something from the cafeteria. Touji and the Devil are most likely there now."

"Well… you see… I kinda forgot my wallet as well." Shinji wouldn't say it but he had hoped his friend would see his plight and perhaps share a portion of his food.

"That's just too bad. You have the worst luck." Kensuke resume stuffing his face with his packed lunch. The sound and sight of his friend eating just made Shinji even hungrier. He gave up on the idea of a handout and flopped backwards onto the grass. He closed his eyes trying to get his mind to block out the hunger he was feeling.

"Are you alright brother?" Rei's face appeared above him and she was holding a brought bento from the cafeteria.

He opened his eyes. "Where did you get that?" he pointed to the object in her hands while still lying on the ground.

"Nagisa-san was kind of enough to purchase this for me. Would you like to share it?"

"Karou!" his name caused him to sit back up. "No thanks… You know how I feel about him." The two boys never got along. Throughout kindergarten and elementary, there was almost something between them. They were in high school now and although the playground tiffs were long gone the animosity was still there.

"What have you got against the guy anyway? He seems nice." Kensuke took a moment from stuffing his face to say something.

"I just don't like him." Shinji replied and then turned to Rei. "Don't worry about me. You eat your lunch, Rei."

The young girl hesitated. The guilt of knowing that her twin brother was going without troubled her. "I can not do that…"

"There's no point in the both of us not eating. And it's not good to waste food." Shinji's points were valid.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I have to agree with him." A smooth yet irritating voice said. Shinji instantly knew who it was and leapt to his feet.

"Nagisa! What the hell are you doing here!" The grey haired boy had appeared and sat down next to Rei.

"I'm having lunch. Do you have a problem with that!" his arch rival worded his question in a way it tempt Shinji into a fight. "I didn't know that I need permission from you to eat here."

"What the hell are you doing with my sister!" He had heard the rumours that his sister and Nagisa had something together but he never really confronted her about. This time it seem the perfect time to get an answer from the source.

"What's it to you! She can do anything she likes!"

"Please brother… I invited him to sit with us. He was kind enough to buy this bento for me." Rei pleaded with him. It pained her to see him and Karou fight. There was little in this world that got Shinji worked up. His gentle nature and calm exterior never showed it but when the young man showed his teeth there was nothing anyone could do to stop him. Normal opposition would cower at this point but the only other person to stand up to him was Karou Nagisa.

"There's nothing to be concern about Rei." Karou reassured her as he stood up to meet Shinji's glaze. "This is just a perfect example of how he lacks self control."

His words had pushed him over the edge and Shinji violently grabbed the front of Karou's school shirt. "I'll show you self control."

Across the yard Touji, Hikari and Asuka were returning from purchasing their food. "If you keep eating that much you will get fat." The comment earn Touji a slap to the back of the head from Asuka.

"Half of this is for Shinji." She stated as a matter of fact. "He forgot his lunch this morning." She wouldn't show it but she felt guilty sending him out the second storey window.

"What's going on over there?" The class representative was first to point out the growing crowd of students milling around their usual lunch spot. Her question was answered when suddenly a banner was erected above the group. The previous message had been hastily scratched out with a thick marker. The new message read – _Annual Battle Royale – Ikari Vs Nagisa. Bets placed here. No refunds given._

"Shinji!" Asuka dropped all the food in her hands and immediately sprinted directly to the fight. Touji and Hikari followed after her.

"You see I was right… His behaviour now illustrates my point exactly." The time for talking was over. Shinji reeled his fist back and prepared to land the initial blow. Then someone intervene and struck Karou before he could.

"You grey haired freak! What do you think you're doing!" Asuka's fist sent to boy to the ground and she was now standing over him.

"Asuka? What are you…?"

"YOU!" she pointed at Shinji. "Sit down and shut up!" her voice commanded and it wasn't to be argued with.

"Yes ma'am" He quickly cowered and did as he was told.

"Ken! Ken! How money did we make!" Touji's real intension wasn't to help Shinji instead he headed directly to his spectacle wearing partner.

"Not that much… I didn't factor in Asuka getting involved."

"What's wrong with you!" he grabbed his friend on a headlock and began to squeeze. "Do you know how often we get a chance that Shinji is in a punch up? He's a big money spinner! We can't afford to miss these opportunities!"

"What's the matter Ikari?" Karou picked himself off the ground and dusted himself off. "Are you such a wimp that you have to get your bitch to help you." His words ignited the fury within him again. He pounced back to his feet but stopped when an open palm appear in front of his face.

"Sit down Shinji." Asuka spoke calmly this time.

"No! I'm going to…"

"I want you sit… Please…" Asuka's hand caressed his cheek gently. Her gesture spoke louder than any words could. It was a rare display of affection and emotion from the girl and it was genuine.

"I want you to sit because…" there was a pause.

"…" And another pause.

"…" And another.

Everyone waited for her to finish with something heartfelt declaring her everlasting love for Shinji but they were expecting too much.

"I'M THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO POUND HIS ARSE INTO THE GROUND!" She changed instantly and leapt forward tackling her target to ground. The fight was already over with Asuka the victory.

"I guess this is better than nothing…" Touji began accepting bets as Kensuke busily updated the banner with Asuka over Shinji's name as new participants for the match.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES

Broken and snapped wooden spoons littered the CEO's office. Gendo had hoped that the beating would stop once her weapon of choice broke but this was just wishful thinking.

'Just where in the world does she keep those things?' he was talking about another wooden spoon his wife pulled out from behind her back.

"You'll regret the day that you hurt my babies!" She lifted the spoon above her head with both hands ready to deliver the final blow.

"Hurt! They are my children as well! Just what are you talking about!" He shielded his already beaten skull with his hands when the faint sound of a something began to beep.

"Will you excuse me? I better check that." Yui hopped off his executive desk and check her PDA. It was a reminder of an appointment.

"Oh! That's right. It's a good thing I put it in my diary!" She chirped then put her spoon back into its custom made holster. "I have to go pick up Misato from the airport. I trust that I can leave everything I your hands, I'll be having an early lunch and taking the rest of the day off."

She turned on her heels and began heading towards the door.

"What do you think this is! You think it's normal for you to come storming in here and assault the CEO of the largest company on the planet? Then to decide for yourself what hours you want to work! Well you have another thing coming…"

"I wonder if I should ask Ritsuko and the girls to come along." She thought aloud then snapped her fingers. "That's a great idea! We can all have a leisurely lunch together. It's been such a long time since we have all been together."

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO WHAT I'M SAYING!"

She turned to around to face him. "Of course dear. I'll be taking the girls with me. So it'll just be you and Sensei for the rest of the afternoon."

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! ALL THE SENIOR HEADS JUST CAN'T UP AND LEAVE WHEN THEY WANT TO! WE HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN HERE!"

"Don't forget to tell Sensei and Kaji about the party tonight for Misato. We should have everything set up when you arrive home."

"DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME WOMAN!" his words had no effect. She just casually continued on her way out the door.

"He's in there." As Yui walked passed the first aid officer she motion behind her to a beaten yet seething Gendo Ikari.

"Yes ma'am." The company's designated first aid office waited patiently as usual for his queue to do his job. He walked after she left carrying an oversized first aid kit which was custom fitted out with extra supplies.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL

Asuka winced slightly as she adjusted the ice pack across her bruised and swollen knuckles. Her injuries were minor compared to the damage she inflicted on her victim. Karou laid on the other side of the curtain. His whole body wrapped in bandages and limbs in strapped in place with splints. A groan of pain from him made her forget about her sore hand and she smile proudly at the work she did. A knock came from the door. It opened to reveal Shinji and Rei.

"The nurse said you could go home for the remainder of the day." He had just returned from the class to collect her things. He placed on the bed she was sitting on. "But the teacher gave me some notes for you. They are inside."

"Thanks baka. But why is she here?" he directed his question at Rei's presence who went straight to Karou's side.

"Don't remind me… She wanted to see how Nagisa was doing. I don't know what she sees in him?" Asuka began to giggle at Shinji. He tried hard not to let Rei's relationship with Karou get the better of him.

"Is that a hint of jealously I hear?"

"Don't be silly."

"Or may be you are playing the role of the older protective brother."

"Now that's just ridiculous. Come on, I'll walk you home." He picked up her bag again and offered a hand up. Asuka took it but held onto it after she was on her feet.

"Can you let go of my hand?" he asked knowing what she was doing.

"I don't want to. Now lets go." She yanked him towards the door. "It's about time we give these love birds some privacy."

"What! Love birds!" before he could finish protesting Asuka had him out the door. The corridors where empty so they had a clear path to the school gates but this didn't stop the students from pointing a gawking at the pair from within their classrooms.

"Shinji-kun?" A familiar voice from this morning spoke. They turned around to see Mana Kirishima. Her eyes flicked at Asuka and then their joined hands.

"Hello Kirishima. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?" Asuka's grasp began to tighten and he tried to keep a straight face as his bones began to crush under the pressure.

"My last two periods today are free. So I usually have an early mark. I heard what about at lunch today. Are you ok? You didn't get hurt did you?" her concern just caused Asuka to squeeze tighter.

"I'm fine… I'm actually walking Asuka home because…" He was doing well dealing with the pain.

"Do you mind if I walk with you?" She cut him off. "I actually live in the next street down from you so we could go together." That was about all Asuka could take. She release Shinji hand and stormed up to the other girl. He quickly fell to his knees and hopelessly began blowing on his enlarged hand as it throbbed.

"I don't know what you are playing at but you stay away from Shinji!" she threaten.

"My God! Shinji!" Mana was first to spot Shinji writhing in pain from his crushed hand. She went around Asuka and bent down next to him. Mana did not intentionally do this to antagonise the red head but it had the desired effect.

"Don't ignore…" Asuka stopped her haranguing when she noticed how tenderly Mana was treating Shinji's hand. She began asking him where it hurt while gently pressing down on certain parts of his hand. They shared an innocent joke while she was doing this and the sound of his laughter was like a stab in her heart.

"FINE! YOU CAN HAVE HIM! I HATE YOU BAKA SHINJI!" she screamed before running away down the corridor.

TOKYO 3 INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

(Air France flight FRA316 has now landed. Passengers' arrivals at gate 23. Repeating, Air France FRA316 has now landed. Passengers' arrival at gate 23.) The announcement came over the speakers loud and clear.

"I wonder where she is." Yui asked no one in particular as she bobbed her head around trying to spot Misato from the crowd of people coming out of the terminal.

"Knowing her she's probably gotten herself drunk and into trouble with security." Ritsuko knew her best friend too well to control herself with the complimentary beverages the airline provided. It was a long flight from Paris to Tokyo 3 which would have given her more drinking time.

"You think so?" Yui then noticed two members of the group were missing. "Hey where are Naoko and Kyoko?"

"Do you really have to ask?" The two in question happily chatted in a nearby duty free store. The store clerk seem to be having a difficult time trying to keep control of the over zealous shoppers. Items opened from there packages littered the floor and the counter.

"Yui! Yui! Quick, you have to try this perfume. It's absolutely gorgeous." Naoko shouted across the airport terminal. She then sprayed it generously into the air.

"Please ma'm! That perfume extremely rare and no longer made. It's worth three hundred and fifty thousand yen!" the clerk tried to swipe the bottle off her.

"Oh really! I'll be right here!" the mother of two started walking towards the store.

"Wait a minute! We are here to pick Misato."

"Thanks for doing this Ritsu. I'll buy you something nice." Yui that already switched to full shopping mode to join the other two and there was little the blonde doctor could do to get her back. It only infuriated her more that the older woman spoke to her like a little child.

"RITSU!" the unforgettable voice of Misato Katsuragi was followed by one of her patent tackles / hugs. Onlookers who misunderstood Misato's greeting began voicing their disapproval at the public display of affection.

"Damn it Misato! People are looking!" Ritsuko struggled against the hold. In the end she was freed from the embraced. Misato looked exactly the same when she left Japan twelve months ago. She wore the same sports jacket and mini skirt combination. The only addition was a red French beret fashionably placed slight askew on her head.

"Where's Auntie Yui? She said that she would pick me up."

"MISATO!" The whirlwind that was Yui Ikari came flying across the terminal with her arms stretched ready to welcome her back. Following behind her was Kyoko and Naoko looking extremely pleased; they were almost undistinguishable. Only their faces were visible in the sea of shopping bags. In the background the attendant in the duty store was closing up and placing closed – out of stock.

"I should have stayed at work…"

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Thanks for all the position reviews. This may seem a quick update but I actually had half of chapter 2 in chapter 1 but thought it was long for something to test the water and see how it rated with the readers. Hence this chapter is longer.

And just two things, I had a few references there to money. I'm not too sure how the Yen value is so I just took a stab at these values. So if they are off the mark; you now know why.

I try my best with the errors and spellchecker but the occasional mistake does get through. I'm from Australia so some of the spelling may look wrong pending on which part of the world you are from. If anyone is interested in proof reading drop me a line.

Thanks for reading, wonga316


	3. Chapter 3

.EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 3

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER

I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters. READING

Lord Raa

AUTHOR'S NOTES

This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO-3 HIGH SCHOOL

"Asuka! Wait!" Shinji got back on his feet with Mana's help.

"She's rather emotional, isn't she?" she said as they watched Asuka disappear down the hallway.

"I'm sorry Mana. She does this sometime." He apologised. "I'm afraid I can't walk with you today; perhaps another time?" Mana tried to hide her disappointment but it was too hard. She had purposely waited around the nurse's office for Shinji and her efforts have been for nothing thanks to a certain red head.

"I see… You care deeply for her…"

"I do care for her but…" his pause kept the flame of hope alive in her heart. "…I don't know… We've been through a lot. That's one of the reasons why she acts the way she does. I do consider her a close friend but as something else… I'm not sure. I do know for sure that she'll be there for me whenever I'm trouble. So I have to be here for her."

His words were sincere. Mana had mixed feelings after hearing them. He had told her that there was nothing in terms of a serious relationship with Asuka but see could tell that there was a strong bond joining the two that would rival most couples.

"I'm sorry." Shinji half laughed as scratched the back of his head. "I guess I don't make any sense."

"No." she pressed her finger against his lips. "I understand that you have something special with her. That's really rare in this world and you shouldn't loose it."

"Thanks for understanding…" He felt guilty; Mana had always been so nice to him and now he was about to leave her hanging. The nice guy in him came out. "Asuka has most probably run back home. She usually does that when she's upset. So I guess I could walk a portion of the way home with you."

"Really!" her hope that been renewed and her eyes flickered with life again.

TOKYO-3 CITY STREETS

"Will you stop spraying that stuff around? I'm trying to drive." Ritsuko was referring to the perfume her mother had brought from the duty free store. She sat in the front of the car and the others were in the back. It was bad enough trying to concentrate on the road with the over powering scent clouding her senses and making her eyes water, Ritsuko also had to contend with the rabble in the back seat.

"But Ritsu, don't you think it's an elegant fragrance." Her mother sprayed it into her ear which caused her to swerve across the street. "And it was at a bargain price!"

"Why the hell did you do that!" She wiped the liquid off with the sleeve of her lab coat.

"I'll say it again… Japanese drivers are the worst. You wouldn't get this in Germany." The proud German still had strong loyalties to her parent's motherland.

"She sprayed that stuff in my face. How am I suppose to drive with that going on!" Ritsuko glared at Kyoko in the rear vision mirror. "And did you forget that you are half Japanese."

"I'm not Japanese… I'm French!" She placed the French beret that Misato had given her as a gift.

"I got one for everyone!" Misato began whacking a hat on everyone else in the car and once again it caused Ritsuko to veer over onto the wrong side of the road. This time it barely missed an on coming semi trailer.

"This is so much fun! We're like all sisters!" Yui giggled as she fixed her newly acquired hat.

"Oui, oui madam," Naoko put on a French accent and played along.

"THAT'S IT!" the driver slammed on the brakes causing the car to skid and stop right in the middle of a busy intersection.

Cars in front and behind swerved quickly to avoid them but ended up hitting something else.

"IF ALL OF YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN I'M TAKING US ALL BACK TO THE OFFICE!"

"You're a meanie! I don't like you any more. You're not part of the sister club," Yui pouted and ripped the beret off Ritsuko's head. "You don't get this back unless you say sorry!"

"Ritsu is really frustrated," Misato whispered to Kyoko. "Is she seeing anyone at the moment?"

"I haven't heard anything. So it must have been a while since she got a proper service from a man," she spoke behind her hand. "Anyone who goes without for that long has got to be going nuts."

"I'm really sorry." Naoko stuck her head out the front window. "My daughter hasn't had a boyfriend in a while and she's a little bit upset," she explained to the frustrated drivers slamming on their horns trying to calm their rage.

"EVERYONE JUST SHUTUP!" the blonde doctor yelled so loud that every person within that city block stopped what they were doing. It was as if time stopped. Only the scattering of a flock of pigeons indicated that time had not stopped. The steering wheel began to slowly crack under her grip. Her body twitched with anger. If there was going to be a human meltdown then this was it.

"Perfume?" Naoko offered her daughter. She sprayed some in her direction but it instantly evaporated without a drop touching her skin.

IKARI HOUSEHOLD

"Did you hear that?" Shinji could have sworn that he heard a familiar voice telling him to shut up.

"Yeah… that was weird. Maybe there's a something happening at the stadium tonight," Mana deduced. "Something that loud could only come from a huge gathering of people."

He shrugged it off and pressed the door bell to Sohryu residence. When there was no reply he pressed it again. Then the faint sound of heavy metal music could be heard coming from the inside.

He walked back to the lawn underneath her second storey bedroom window. "Asuka! It's me, open the door!" he shouted.

The window opened and the music before was now apparent as it disturbed peace and quiet of the neighbourhood. She was about to say something but when she spotted Mana standing to the side. The girl's presence made her blood boil. Again.

"Hey Asuka, I…" Before he could finish, the spine of a textbook smacked him square in the face. It sent him backwards to the ground.

"Shinji!" Mana rushed to his side again. Her worry was replaced with amusement when she saw the outline of the book imprinted straight down the middle of his face like a runway.

"Are you alright?" she tried not to laugh as she spoke.

"Yeah… When she's really mad it's usually the kanji dictionary. That's a hardcover and can do some real damage." He picked up the biology textbook and was helped back on his feet.

"It sounds like this has happen before."

"I try not to make it a habit of get hit by flying textbooks but when you live around here anything is possible." He then quickly ran out into the middle of the street leaving her alone.

Mana was puzzled why began searching the immediate area for something.

"What are you doing?" she shouted to him

"Oh… Usually when I say something is going to happen it usually does." He peered down and up the street. His fourteen years on this planet made him adapted to the unpredictability of his everyday life. Thinking that he would get a reprieve this time around, he walked back to where Mana was standing.

"You are an interesting person Shinji Ikari." She mused.

"SHIN-CHAN!" the voice cut through the air and froze his blood cold. Even Asuka came back to the window to watch the events unfold. The sound of a car roaring up the street got closer and closer. When it reached them it jumped the curb and parked itself on the lawn, tearing up grass and dirt. A burst of purple came from the car and the next thing Shinji knew he was flat on his back being smothered and trying to breathe.

"I MISSED YOU SO MUCH SHIN-CHAN!" Misato wrapped her arms and legs around the poor boy and squeezed harder. Mana began to blush when she noticed Shinji's head being buried between the woman's sizable breasts. "Hmmm… That feels nice Shinji. I guess you really did miss your Misa-chan…"

"Don't you love family reunions?" Yui wiped a tear away as she watched her son and someone she considered a daughter reunite after twelve months apart. "I'm Shinji's mother, Yui Ikari. Who might you be?"

Shinji's mother's sudden appearance took the young school girl by surprise. She bowed politely as she introduced herself. "Oh excuse me! My name is Mana Kirishima. I attend the same school as Shinji."

"Kirishima? Where have I heard that before? I know Kirishima Pharmaceutics. Your family runs the largest pharmaceutical company on the Asia Pacific area."

"My family's company minute is when compared with NERV, Ikari-san, but it makes me happy that you have heard of us," Mana said, her head remaining in bowed.

"Small? You have over seventy percentage of the market stake. I know our Pharmaceutical Branch is severely being over whelmed by your presence. We have failed to make any dent in your market place."

"Thank you Ikari-san but…" before she could finish Yui pulled her into a hug.

"There's no need to be so formal. You are Shinji's friend and therefore part of the family. We are having a party tonight to welcome back my niece, Misato. Please join us."

"Misato?" Mana looked back at Shinji who still struggling to free himself.

"Let me go Misato!" his face was turning blue from lack of oxygen.

"I never knew you liked it rough but that's alright your Misa-chan can do anything for you." She quickly changed her hold and began riding him like a pony. "Yippee! Faster, Shin-chan!"

"Get off him you hag!" When Misato appeared and crashed tackled Shinji, Asuka had forgotten everything that had her upset with the boy. She grabbed Misato's arm and flung her to the ground. The older woman quickly countered and kept a hold of Asuka's grip. She in turn tossed her to the ground.

"It's so nice to see you again, Asuka-chan." the sarcasm was obvious from Misato, "but I was still playing with Shinji. You'll just have to wait for your turn."

"Don't you think that you're a little too OLD to be playing? Someone of your age should be taking thing easy. You never know when an accident may happen."

"I'm so overwhelmed with joy that you care so much but you should really be concern about yourself. If a girl of your age doesn't show signs of her body maturing into an adult then it'll be hard for them to find a boyfriend."

"Are you saying I'm flat-chested!"

"Only if you're saying I'm old."

The death stares continued as invisible sparks began to fly between the two.

"Are they going to be ok?" Mana worried about the escalating tensions.

"They're fine; this how they always are." Yui led the young girl towards the car where the other two mothers were looking in the boot of the car.

"Now Ritsu…" Naoko said. "Are you going to behave if we untie you?" Mana looked into the boot to see another woman gagged and bound. She viciously kicked and fought against her restraints which caused some minor damaged to the shopping bags she was lying on.

"I'll also like an apology. Some of things you said were very cruel and hurtful," Kyoko added still talking with a French accent.

"I know! Maybe we can get Shinji to help relieve some of that pent up frustration. Doesn't that some nice?"

"WHAT!" Asuka and Misato demanded.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES

"Do you know why I have called the both you here today?" Fuyutsuki and Kaji sat in front of Gendo trying to not stare at the cleaners mopping up the blood from the walls and carpet. He crossed his hands in front of his face. The dim lighting cased an eerie shadow over his eyes concealing them.

"He's doing that thing again," Kaji whispered to the older man. He was referring to the pose Gendo opted when he wanted to be intimidating.

"Yeah… I'm surprised that he can even move after what Yui did this morning," he murmured back.

"I have a mission for the both of you that is of the upmost importance. The livelihood of this organisation and it's hundreds of thousands of workers around the world depend its success," the CEO continued.

"He's doing that crazy talk again…"

The former university lecturer just nodded at Kaji's comment.

"Failure is not an option." He then stood up from behind his desk and walked around. "And if you are discovered, the NERV organisation will deny all knowledge and responsibility. A cover story will be given to the relevant authorities and your families."

"Cut the crap and tell what you what us to do!" the older man's patience had run out.

"Very well… I want to know the source of my wife's power."

"You're crazy. This is a waste of my time." Fuyutsuki got up from this chair and left the room wondering where he went wrong as a lecturer to have one of his best students act like a madman.

"That's leaves only you, Mr. Ryoji Kaji."

"Let me get this straight… You want me to find your wife's power?"

"That is correct."

"Just so we are both on the same page here… We are talking about her spoons ain't we?"

"That is correct." Kaji pulled out a hip flask from his inner jacket pocket and began pouring the contents down his throat.

IKARI HOUSEHOLD

In the end, Yui managed to round up everyone and get them into the house. Ritsuko was carried in like tribe of pygmies who had just caught their prize boar for the feast. Her hands and feet were suspended from pole as she hung upside down. She didn't know what was more humiliating; being carried around in this manner or the shopping bags that they had also hung across the pole hitting her in the face.

"This was such a good idea Kyoko!" Naoko said. "It saves us from making multiple trips back to the car."

"Shinji, shouldn't we help her?" Mana was the only one to notice Ritsuko's face get gradually redder and redder. She didn't know if it was her rage building up or the blood rushing to her head.

"I'm not their plaything for moment, so let's just leave them be."

"Don't worry, Shin-chan, your Misa-chan will be your plaything!" Misato latched onto his arm. "You're grown so big, I feel so bad leaving you behind with only that nasty Asuka. I missed you so much."

"We only spoke to each other last week."

"Awww… but Shinji, that's not the same thing. And to make thing worst you found yourself another girlfriend while I was away," Her eyes started watered and her bottom lip trembled.

"Mana and I just go to the same school to…"

"No! I won't believe it! I refuse to let my Shinji go without a fight. He and I have a date with destiny. Our love is written in the stars. He promised to mar…"

"Look Misato! Sake!" Shinji held up and large bottle of sake and shake it in front of her like an owner teasing their pet dog with a bone. Even her head followed the bottle from side to side as he swayed it from left to right.

"Gimme, gimme!" The traditional alcoholic beverage had the desire effect of shutting her up before she said too much. With Misato preoccupied drinking, Asuka saw her opportunity.

"Come on baka, your mother needs some help with the food." She grabbed onto his hand and dragged him away towards the kitchen.

"I'll come and help as well." Asuka's head snapped in the direction of Mana. She didn't see her actions as a kind gesture like they were.

"Mana, you are a guest of this house. Why didn't you come and sit next to me." Misato said patted the cushion next to her at the living room kotatsu. "It'll give us sometime to properly get to know each other. I have some interest stories about Shinji when he was little."

Somehow Shinji had avoided Asuka and Mana clashing again but ended up with the worst possible result. He knew his older adopted cousin had the habit of exaggerating stories, especially when they came to him.

He tried to say something but was hauled off to the kitchen by Asuka. As they entered as massive shock awaited then. From the time they had walked into the house and to the kitchen Yui had already finish the ninth plate and starting her tenth of finger food. Her hands moved like the wind as they ran up and down the chopping board.

"Mum, what are you doing?" Shinji had to ask even though his better judgement told him that it was a bad idea. "This is way too much food for all of us."

"But I let you and Rei leave this morning without your lunches. I failed you both as a mother and a provider and therefore I must make amends for my mistakes."

"Don't worry about that. We'll just end up wasting all this food." His words had the desired effect, her hands stopped chopping and she slowly placed the knife down.

"I see…" She spoke with sad voice and fell onto her knees. "I have failed you as a mother once again and don't deserve to live!" From nowhere the mother pulled out a samurai dagger. She unsheathed the blade and attempted to proceed with the ancient Japanese ritual of seppuku.

"Not again!" He grabbed on the handle of the blade, preventing it from entering her mother's side. "This is the third time this week. I thought I got rid of all the daggers."

"Please Shinji… I'm not fit to be your mother or even live."

The mother and son played tug a war with the traditional implement used for self sacrifice.

"But if you die, who will be my mother?" he knew his reasoning was childish and didn't make sense in terms if you thought about it logically but it worked the previous three times. "I don't want anyone else but you to be my mum."

"You… Still want me to me to be your mother?" she asked surprised by his statement and stopped trying to plunge the sharp edge into her abdomen.

"Yes… That's what I want most…" he played along and took a deep breath in preparation for what was to come next. Yui wrapped her arms around her son's neck and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Stop fooling around, baka! I'm taking these out."

The attempted seppuku in the kitchen hadn't fazed Asuka, it being a regular occurrence in the Ikari household, and she carried two plates out to the living room.

"Alright, I promise from this day to be the best mother I can. As God as my witness…" Shinji silently mouth Yui's pledge word for word. He had heard that many times it had etched its way into his memory.

When Asuka reached the living room, they had somehow managed to suspend Ritsuko from the ceiling and she dangled directly above the kotatsu. For someone who had been testing the limits of her restraints, she still had lot of energy left. She thrashed around trying to use the weight and motion of her body to inflict some pain on her captors.

"Ok, Mana, since you are the guest, you can have first turn at the piñata." Misato handed her a baseball bat while Naoko tied a blind fold over her eyes. The young school girl resisted but the older women were too quick. Before she knew she had already been spun around with the blindfold on and the bat in hand.

"What excellent timing, my child!" Kyoko spotted Asuka and got up to help with the food. They placed it in the centre directly underneath the human piñata. Shinji and Yui followed soon after with the rest of the trays. When he spotted Ritsuko suspended from the ceiling, things had gone too far and he had to say something.

"That's enough of that!" he stepped up onto the kotatsu and began untying Ritsuko.

"Come on Shinji… We were just playing," Misato whined like a child after a favourite toy had just taken away.

"I can't believe you lot. You're all supposed to be adults; how about you try acting responsible for once!"

As he berated the group, they all hung their heads in shame.

"Alright here I come?" No one had kept an eye on Mana and she was still under the impression that the game was still on. She picked a random spot and swung.

WHACK.

There were two sounds; one of the wooden connecting with a human skull and the second a body hitting the ground. Then everything went quiet.

"Did I win?" she pulled down the scarf covering her eyes to see if her swing had connected. It had connected but it wasn't the intended target. In the middle of the kotatsu lying in a pool of his own blood was Shinji.

Ritsuko saw this as a perfect time to make her escape and began worming her away from the scene.

"SHINJI!"

TOKYO-3 HIGH SCHOOL

Rei was currently helping Kaworu along the school corridors. The nurse tried to persuade him to use a wheelchair but his pride wouldn't allow it. His reputation was already in the toilet after being beaten senseless by a girl, even if it was one as notorious as Asuka, and felt that using such a device would be tantamount to admitting defeat.

"Can I ask you a question?" Rei was first to break the silence as the hobbled along. "Why do you hate my brother so much?"

"You have actually asked me two questions," his response was insightful yet it didn't bring a smile to the girl's face. "Do I really need a reason to hate someone?"

"Yes… You do when it's my brother…" At that moment, something inside her told her that something wrong was with Shinji. Her Twin's Intuition™ gave her a sense of foreboding and fear.

"Hey, are you ok?" Kaworu had notice that Rei had suddenly had this spaced out look in her eyes.

"Shinji…"

"Huh? What was that?" Before he knew it, he was being dragged behind a blue tornado, obliterating everything in its path to get to its destination. His body bounced off the floor like a rag doll as he could do little but hang on for dear life.

"What the hell! Not again…"

IKARI RESIDENCE

"I think he's coming around…" the familiar voice seemed like miles away. His eye lids were heavy and the sharp light peering through the small slits only made it more tempting to keep them close. But the ache from the side of his head forced him to come round.

"Get out of the way!"

The young Ikari recognised that voice as that of his mother. It followed by some people jostling.

"Shinji! Shinji!"

"Stand back, everyone. I'm still not sure if his injury is serious," Ritsuko butted in and pushed the others out of the way. She used a small torch to shine into his pupils. The bright light was more annoying than the natural light and he slapped the torch away with his hand.

"Will you stop that?" he was lying on his bed with all everyone surrounding him.

"What's wrong?" he wondered why they staring at him with a strange look in their eyes. His window was open and a cool breeze gave him a chill. This was unusual for it was spring. He wondered why he was cold and only then noticed his clothing situation.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!" he screamed scrambling to cover his naked body with the bed sheets.

"You see Shin-chan I was really worried and thought a full medical examination was the best thing to do," Misato explained. "Plus I hadn't seen you in such a long time and Ritsu is desperate to get laid. It seemed like a good idea. You know kill to birds with one stone."

"I'm not desperate!" The blonde doctor interjected.

"You are such a liar! I saw the way you looked at my Shinji's body," the ribbing continued from Misato. "You know if you are nice Ritsu, I might even share him with you…"

"I want you all to get out of my room right now." Shinji was livid but somehow still managed to keep his voice down and speak at a normal level. He held the sheet around his body and began searching his room for his clothes.

"Well it seems that your motor skills are fine. How many fingers am I holding up?" the doctor held up a random selection of digits.

"What?" Ah… I don't know… two?" counting fingers were the last thing on his mind as he desperately wanted any sort of clothing.

"OH MY GOD! HE'S BLIND!" someone cried out.

"He's / I'm not blind!" both Ritsuko and Shinji said simultaneously.

"Get out of the way!" Yui repeated her words and began throwing bodies out of the way. Ritsuko received it worst. She went face first into the nearest wall, leaving an imprint of her face.

"That ungratefully bit…" She was cut off by her mother placing a hand across her mouth.

"Now, now… Ritsu, You know how Yui is with Shinji," Naoko said in a soothing tone as she tried to keep her daughter from strangling her friend.

"Are you alright sweetie?" his mother asked her son as she held him in his arms.

"Everything's alright now… Mummy is here and the person responsible won't ever hurt you again."

"Hang on… Person responsible… What did you do to Mana?" his thoughts instantly went to the classmate. From past experiences witnessing her deal appropriate punishments to his father he held grave fears for Mana.

"Mana? Why would I blame her for this? She's resting over there." The girl had fainted on the spot after finding out she was had hit Shinji and the other moved her to his room as well. Kyoko was currently fanning a tea towel over her face.

'If she didn't get Mana then that must mean…' He forgot about his clothes and quickly ran out back into the living room with only the bed sheet. When he arrived he found his father playing the role of the piñata.

"This is for all the times you made me listen to your ridiculous ramblings." Fuyutsuki was standing on top of the kotatsu and taking some practice swings with the bat.

"Will you hurry up and just take your swing," Asuka's patience began to wear thin as she was next in line.

"Step up! Step up!" his friend Kensuke had a mega phone and was dressed like the carnival operator. "Come and try your strength. Win and get great prizes. Lose and you'll still get great prizes! Everyone's a winner so step right up." Their makeshift banner for battle royals hung over head. It read – _The Eliminator – 200 Yen per swing – As used by the Professionals in Japanese Baseball League. _Touji played the role of the stand operator that kept the waiting patrons behind the yellow line for safety.

Kaji was on the other side of the room trying to look inconspicuous as he carefully searched underneath the couch. It was a bit hard to not notice a grown man on all fours shining a flash light around in the middle of your living room.

Suddenly the front door flew off its hinges causing a rush of air to enter the house. Rei entered, dragging behind her a bloody and barely conscious Kaworu Nagisa. As she dragged in him a trail of his blood was left behind on the floor.

Shinji could only utter the sentiments "…Just another day…"

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Many thanks for the reviews. I've had a few reviews relating it to Angelic Days. I'll be honest I didn't know what it was until I 'Googled' it. I only thought Mana was a character was from the PS2 NGE game.

I have a proof reader now! Spelling and grammar mistakes will be further minimised thanks to Lord Raa.

I also got a review regarding how there is a Rei/Kaworu pairing. All I can say is that I have not made any definite pairs and not sure if I intend to. So while things may be look like they are going in one direction, they could change very suddenly.

Thanks wonga316


	4. Chapter 4

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 4

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER

I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters. READING

Lord Raa

AUTHOR'S NOTES

This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

IKARI RESIDENCE

The party was over and everyone had finished celebrating. Shinji stood in the middle of what was his living room and just surveyed the damaged. It looked like a biker party was held on top of a college piss up on top of a circus; complete with stoned monkeys. Sleeping and snoring bodies littered the floor like people had just collapsed on the spot.

"Ah… Shinji…" after hearing his name he turned to find Mana standing. "What happened?" She had remained unconscious throughout the party and only now come to.

"Misato and Mother get carried away sometimes. I'm sorry I had to put you through this." He walked over to his upside down father and cut him down from the ceiling with a single slash. His body fell with a thud onto the kotatsu but he didn't move. Shinji placed two fingers on his father's throat to check for a pulse.

"What are you doing?" she asked

"Dad is usually a light sleeper. So when he dropped I thought he would wake. When he didn't it might mean…"

"You mean he's dead?" Mana gasped.

"He still has a pulse. I guess Asuka and Fuyutsuki Sensei must have been really ticked."

Gendo's face and body showed deep bruising from the punishment he had taken as a carnival amusement.

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Do you think we should call an ambulance?"

"He'll be fine. I've seen him take more punishment before and walked away."

"Ok…" Mana didn't really know how to response to his answer. "I should really get going…"

"Let me walk you home." He began tip toeing around the bodies and rubbish to get his jacket.

"That's really not necessary! It looks like you have a lot of cleaning up to do." She couldn't believe how trashed Shinji's house was 'Just how long was I out for?'

"I promised you that I would walk you home and it's not safe for you to go by yourself." He held out his hand for her to take. Getting to his front door would be an endeavour in it self.

"Thanks…" She took his hand as he led her quietly out of the house. When the front door closed behind them, something began to move from underneath the pile of empty sake bottles.

"Auntie! Auntie!" Misato emerged from the beneath the heap and began shaking Yui. "Did you hear that!"

"Of course dear, what kind of mother would I be if I didn't?" she asked with a yawn and began scratching her back with one of her wooden spoons. "Just wait here and I'll grab the gear. Wake the others."

The mother of two stood up and walked into the kitchen. She opened the cupboard underneath the sink and brought back and black heavy duty duffle bag.

"These are new. I borrowed them from the weapon's department." Yui reached into the bag and handled Misato a black case.

"They just look the same to me." The younger women took the infra red night vision goggles from the case and place them in her head. "Woah… These are lighter."

"Hey those are mine! I've been working on them for the past month." Their talking had woken Kyoko. When she saw her prototype goggles on Misato's head she ripped them off her. "They are still in the prototype type stage and haven't been tested properly. What's wrong with the set I gave you?"

"I eBayed them," Yui replied unable to look her friend in the eye.

"You what! That's state of the art military technology. The JSSDF doesn't even have them as part of their standard equipment." She rubbed her temples as her mind ran through worst case scenarios. "What if it was a terrorist that brought them?"

"But I got a really good price for them, Kyoko…" Yui thought for a moment. "And managed to get some extra Yen on the shipping as well. And did I state in big letters 'NO TERRORIST BUYERS PLEASE'."

"Ok, look, we're drifting off the subject," Arguing over military goggles didn't interest Misato. "We'd better hurry up and get a move on if we are going to catch up to them."

"It looks like someone is worried that Shinji might be taken away," Naoko decided to chime in the conversation. She teased Misato by poking her finger in her cheek.

"Tell me how much you got for them. The least you could do is give me a cut."

"No way!" Yui protested. "I was planning on taking Rei shopping on Sunday!"

"So what if I am?" The purple haired woman asked with a huff. "I have every right to be worried about someone trying to take Shinji away from me."

"Stop being so tight with your money!" Asuka's mother pointed angrily. "It was my stuff you sold in the first place."

"Tight! You work for my company remember! So you have to do as I say."

"WILL YOU WOMEN JUST SHUT! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!" Their whispering had grown into shouting and disturbed Asuka from her slumber.

TOKYO–3 CITY STREETS

The night air was cool and Mana shivered. During the day it was enough warm to go to school without your summer coat uniform. The thin material of her shirt didn't help much. She brought her arms up around herself to try and beat the cold; then felt something warm drape across her shoulders. Shinji had removed his jacket for her.

"You should have said that you were cold earlier. You could have worn one of Rei's jackets."

"But what about you? Aren't you cold?" she said.

"I'm fine… I actually don't mind the night air."

She accepted his gesture and put it on properly. It was a couple sizes too big for her but that didn't matter. She snuggle her face against the fabric of his collar taking in his warmth and scent.

"Do you use aftershave?" Mana asked after she picked up something from his collar.

"I don't even shave yet," he laughed. "It must have been Naoko and the perfume. She was going crazy with it towards the end."

"Oh…" she sounded disappointed and embarrassed by her mistake. "You know I'm really sorry about hit you before."

"What? Oh that, just forget about it. It was an accident."

"But it must have hurt! I feel really bad!"

"I said don't worry about it."

"I want to make it up to you." She stepped out in front of him and grabbed both his hands. "Tomorrow is Saturday. So after morning classes do you want to go see a movie? It'll be my treat."

There was a rustling in the some nearby bushes which caught his attention. "Did you hear that?" he looked in the directly where the noise came from.

"It must have been a cat," she shrugged. "So what do you think? I won't take no for an answer."

As Mana continued to persuade Shinji to go to the movies, a group of other people were trying to do some persuading of their own. It took the combined strength of Yui, Naoko and Kyoko to hold down Misato while still trying to stay hidden in the shrubs. The group had executed their Shinji Stalking Mission. Their normal attire was replaced with army fatigues and matching camouflage face paint. Their objective was to use stealth tactics to monitor Shinji and keep him from harm's way. That was the official mission statement that all four signed but they knew it was a farce.

They were just hungry for gossip and had nothing better to do.

They had done well to catch up to the pair and set up a long distance directional microphone; also a product from NERV Heavy Industries Weapons Department. When Misato heard Mana ask Shinji out to the movies; the stealth manual book went out the window. Her plan changed, she wanted to go in hard and fast, taking no prisoners.

"Now, now Misa-chan, have you forgotten about the mission statement we all signed," Naoko whispered as she held down Misato's arms down.

"That piece of paper doesn't mean anything! If you think I'm going to let the some school girl take my Shinji…"

"Shhh! He's coming over!" Shinji hand pulled back a section of the shrub and he poked his head through. The four women shrunk as close to the ground and remained as still as possible.

"What was it, Shinji?" Mana asked.

"Strange… It's nothing… but I would swear I heard Misato's voice." He let go of the branch and walked back to toward Mana.

"I think you're just changing the subject because you don't want to go to movies with me." She didn't want to play the guilt trip on him but she was running out of options.

"She's using the guilt trip tactic! Let me go!" Misato began to struggle some more. They were starting to loose control on the situation so Yui resorted to her secret weapon.

WHACK.

A lump began to swell up on an unconscious Misato's head from the wooden spoon attack. The three older women breathe a sigh of relief.

"Why didn't you use that earlier?" Kyoko asked. "I thought the muscles in my arms were going to give way."

"Well at least it was a good work out. I didn't think she would have so much fight after what she drank tonight," Naoko offered as she pulled some rope out of the kit bag and began tying Misato's hands together.

Yui and her friends resume monitoring the situation between Mana and Shinji.

"It's not a date or anything… I just want to say sorry for hitting you before."

"You're not going to take no for an answer, are you?" Shinji asked.

She shook her head no.

"Alright… If it's just movie and…"

His answer caused Mana's face to light up. "That's great, I'm so happy!"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. Shinji wasn't expecting her to leap onto him and he lost his balance, causing them to fall over each other. Mana was on the bottom with him on top.

"Quick! Get the night camera!" Yui ordered and Naoko started rummaging through the bag again. "Hurry! Where is it!"

"It's not here. Are you sure you packed it?"

"Give it here! You don't know how to do anything!" Kyoko grabbed the bag from her friend. She hated inefficiency and disorganisation. Naoko didn't like the way she was spoken to and clung on the bag. Yui was growing impatient and joined in starting a three way tug of war. The trio were busy competing that they did notice Misato start the wake.

From where she was on ground, Shinji and Mana were visible. Things were blurry but nothing enough for her to mistakes in what she saw. 'Where am I? That looks like Shinji on top of Mana… Hehe… That little sneak, I always knew he… Hang on…'

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY SHIN-CHAN!" being bound by rope didn't stop her from jumping out of the bushes. She was still a little drunk and suffering a minor concussion but it was not enough to stop her. Back behind the bushes, three sets of hands slapped three foreheads as they knew the jig was up.

IKARI RESIDENCE

"Hey Ken… Come dude wake up!" Touji shook his friend vigorously to wake him up.

"What is it! Another fight? Hang on, I get the banner." Still half asleep and running on his instincts the other stooge began erecting the famous banner.

"No!" the jock slapped him across the back of the head. "Misato is gone and her luggage is here."

"Who gives a damn about… Oh I see…" The bespectacled boy finally caught onto what his friend was alluding to. They quickly scrambled onto their feet the rushed to Shinji's bedroom where the woman's suitcases were placed. But when they arrive three bodies were already surrounding their goal. Gendo, Fuyutsuki and Kaji turned around to face the boys; each wore different pair of Misato's laced pants on their head and held a goofy grin.

"A bit slow on uptake boys…" Kaji said wiping a string of drool from his chin. "But you can wear these." He handed each of them the matching bra. The boys wrapped them around their heads and joined the older men around the suitcase.

"I can't believe any of you!" Shinji's voice was followed by the slamming of the front door. "Do you have any idea how humiliating that was!"

The perverts stopped snooping through Misato's delicates and scurried over to the nearest wall to listen in when they heard Shinji's raised voice.

"Please Shinji, we were only…" he cut his mother off by throwing their kit bag against the wall that guys were leaning on. It caused all four women to jump the men to fall over.

"No! Don't give me some crap that any of you care because it's not true. I'm not some circus animal or freak show that is here for your personal entertainment." He felt someone tap his shoulder.

"What!" as he turned his head a flying fist connected with his chin and sent him reeling across the room.

"Baka Shinji! Some people are trying to sleep." Asuka seethed. It was the second time she had been disturbed and that was two times too many.

When Shinji came around, the first thing he saw was the digital number on his alarm clock. The number's showed that it was pass two thirty. He was back in his bed and the house was quiet. His window had been left open and night air had gotten cooler.

'At least I'm still clothes this time…' He went to get up and close it but a pair of arms around his waist held him down.

"Shinji… Don't go…" Misato whispered.

"What are you doing?" He spoke to her while facing away. He was still mad and was fed up their immature games. "Get out of my bed now."

His words caused her arms to tense around him. "Are you breaking your promise?" she whispered again.

"What promise! I want you out of my bed right…" This time he turned to face her but stopped when he saw her face. She had been crying and his pillow was stained by her tears. His harsh word caused her to shed fresh tears. The guilt hit him there and then. The other time he had seen Misato cry was when her father died and he now understood what promise she was referring.

"You said you would never leave me alone… You promised…" she cried quietly.

"That was almost ten years ago." Shinji reached over a pulled a lock of her purple hair from her damp face. "I also said that I would marry you. It was something silly that kids just say."

FLASHBACK

Shinji remembered that night, it was a week after Misato's father's fatal accident at one of the many NERV industrial factories and the funeral was held that day. After his mother and father told Misato what happen she had retreated away from everyone. The usual Misato wasn't around any more; she would never smile and her gentle teasing had stopped. Shinji was only six at the time and had little comprehension of what Misato was going through.

After brushing his teeth, he returned to his bedroom to find someone crying in his bed. At first he was afraid that it was a monster that only ate Japanese children while they slept. Asuka had made up the story and also said that she was safe since because of her German heritage.

"Shinji?" the younger Misato said. His foot steps alerted her that someone was in the room and she guessed that it was him.

"Oh…" he breathed a sigh of relief. "It's just you Misa-chan… I thought you were the monster."

"I'm sorry." She rolled over and sat up in his little bed. "I'll go back to my own room now." As she walked past Shinji suddenly grabbed her hand.

"Are you sad about your dad?" The innocent question hurt her but she knew that he didn't understand everything that was going on.

"Yes but it's not that… After mum left he was the only family I had and now that he's gone I just realised that I'm alone now…" She began laughing. The thought of talking about her emotions to a six year old amused her. "It's nothing to worry about Shin-chan. You wouldn't understand and it nothing you have to worry about. But thanks for listening." She forced a smile and gave his little hand a squeeze before letting go.

"But you are not alone Misa-chan." His words caused her to stop. "You have all of us. Mummy said you can stay here. If you are lonely then when I get older we can get married."

Her eyes widened and her heart stopped the moment he said those words.

"Asuka always gets me to play marriage. She says that if we do this then we'll be together forever. So if we play marriage you don't have to be lonely. You can be with me and Asuka."

Misato fell onto her knees and pulled Shinji into a hug. She began crying onto his shoulder. His words, although naïve and innocent, were what she really wanted to hear. His small arms didn't fully reach around so he just patted her sides.

"Thank you Shinji… You don't know how much that means…" She pulled back and looked into his baby blue eyes.

"You have to stop crying." His clumsy hands patted and wiped away her tears. "If Asuka hears anyone cry then she gets really angry."

"It's alright, Shinji." She caught his hand. "These are happy tears."

"Happy tears? What are they?"

END OF FLASHBACK

"It wasn't silly or just an idle promise to me!" she said almost angry and rolled over the other side. She tried to not cry but it wasn't working.

"Come on Misato…" he reached over but she just shrugged off his touch.

"Don't touch me!"

"Will you just look at me?

"Why should I?"

"Just look at me."

Annoyed by his constant pestering, Misato quickly sat up and was about to belt him with the pillow but she stopped and his hand caressed her cheek. His gentle touch caused her to blush but luckily the dark enough for her to not worry him seeing.

"I meant what I said back then. I'm not sure about the getting married bit but I did promised that I will not leave you alone and I intend to keep that promise. You are very special to me Misa-chan." He used her old nickname, something which he had not called her for a long time. "So whatever happens or whatever is said between us you know that I'll always keep my promise."

"You haven't called me that since you were a kid." She leant into his hand. "I missed it…"

"We're not kids anyone."

"So…" A mischievous glint flashed across her eyes. "Does mean we can things that adults do…" She led his hand down her neck line to brush up against the thin material of her singlet just above her breast.

"Just go to sleep." He pulled his hand away and walked over to close his window. When his back was turn, Misato quickly reached behind the bed post and pulled out a two-way radio.

"This is MK01. Do you read me?"

(We heard you MK01)

"Mission completed. Target has returned to normal."

(Copy that MK01. Good job.) The transmission was quick to Yui and the others. (Remember to be gentle with him. It's probably his first time with a woman.) One of the other mothers had grabbed the radio from Yui and sounds of them struggling over it came through.

"Did you say something?" he asked her from the window.

"No!" she hurriedly hid the radio behind he back, trying to turn it off at the same time. Shinji didn't seem to notice anything stranger than usual from Misato and finished closing the shutter.

"Hurry up and come back to bed. I'm feeling lonely." She patted the mattress.

"Tell me why are you sleeping here tonight?" he asked climbing back into bed while trying to avoid Misato's wondering arms.

"I think Rei's boyfriend is sleeping in my room. Will you stop wriggling! I want to spoon." She eventually managed to wrap her arms around his waist again and pull him into her body.

"Boyfriend! Damn it! Nagisa!" he was about to leap out of bed again but Misato locked her legs around his.

"You two are still fighting? Why don't you just make up?" she began to snuggle into his back.

"Will you stop that!" he tried to slap her away. "He's doing stuff with Rei right now! I have to stop him."

"Do stuff like what?" she breathed into his ear which caused him to tense up instantly.

"Is it stuff like this?" She licked his earlobe and plunged her hand in his boxer shorts at the same time. "My… you really have grown where it counts…" What followed was a scream from Shinji loud enough to wake everyone at the tip Hokkaido all the way to the bottom of Kyushu.

IKARI RESIDENCE – BACKYARD

"Aren't you concern?" Naoko asked Yui after the whole population in Japan heard Shinji's scream. "Misato can get a bit rough sometimes."

"My Shinji is fine. They're probably just playing marriage like when they were kids," she replied casually.

"It's more likely newly weds on their honeymoon," Kyoko's comment was heard by Naoko and the both of them began to snicker.

"What's so funny?" Yui demanded pointed a wooden spoon at the giggle pair. "Stay focused! We still have to deal with these." She was referring to the three men and two boys strung upside down from a tree like carcasses hanging in a slaughterhouse.

After carrying Shinji to bed and devising a plan to get themselves back in his good books, they found the group going through Misato's personal items. And now it was time for revenge.

"Can we just leave them here for a couple of days? The wolves and vultures will finish them off. I'm tired and want to go to bed," Kyoko complained around a yawn.

"There are no wolves or vultures in modern day Japan. This isn't medieval Germany, you moron," Naoko could help herself sniping at her friend.

"Don't call me a moron! I'm not the one with the daughter who can't get laid!" she fired back.

"It's not my fault that guys find her ugly!"

"Oh, but it is. It was your genes that you passed on to her. Therefore the gene for ugly must be carried by you!"

WHACK. WHACK. The two bickering women sat on the ground clutching and rubbing the top their heads.

"Why did you do that for?"

"Yeah! That hurt!"

"Look… Kyoko go the city zoo and break out some wolves and vultures. Naoko, the medical department at NERV should have spare blood around. Get it bring them back."

"But it's almost three o'clock in the morning!" one of them whined.

"I'm not getting paid for this so you can get your own blood," the other put her foot down and was making a stand. "Why don't we just beat them senseless like always."

"Don't you just get tried of that? It does get repetitive…"

"Nah… I missed my Pilate class this morning so it'll be a good work out." Naoko began limbering up and picked up the piñata bat.

"Hey what am I going to use?" The German scientist felt left out. Yui had her spoons and Naoko had picked up the bat leaving her with nothing. "You don't expect me to use my fists. That wouldn't be befitting a lady of my stature."

"Alright…" Yui was getting frustrated that there was more talking and no whacking. "I think the chainsaw Gendo brought last summer is in the garage. Go get it?"

"Really!" she scurried away with a wide grin. The thought of use a high power machine pleased her. "Don't start without me!"

"How come she gets the chainsaw? It's not fair!" her other friend complained. "She always gets to play with the good toys."

"We'll swap after ten minutes. Is that alright, Akagi?" Yui's eye brow twitched as she contemplated turning on her friend. The friend's childish behaviour and whining had pushed her limits.

Their hapless victims overheard what was going to happen and desperate fought to break free. Somehow Kensuke had managed to get his gag off his mouth.

"It's been nice knowing you, Touji." His friend just mumbled something along the same lines. Ken looked around that the other men hanging beside him. Kaji and Fuyutsuki were fighting with all their might but Shinji's father remained still.

"I guess he's already given up… Poor bastard can't really blame him for wanting to die." He then heard unmistakable sound of a chainsaw starting up. Its spine chilling sound signalled the end was here for the brave yet stupid perverts.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Thanks heaps for the positive reviews. Keep them coming. I wasn't too sure about the scene with Misato and Shinji when they were younger but I did have to explain how she is part of the Ikari family. And it was a good chance to write some stuff for the Misato fans.

Since there wasn't much humour in this chapter, the next will be jam packed.

Thanks, wonga316


	5. Chapter 5

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 5

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER

I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

AUTHOR'S NOTES

This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

THE NEXT MORNING

The alarm clock went off as usual and Shinji slapped it off like normal. The faint flagrance of lavender was unusual but then he remembered what Misato slept in his bed last night. Her arms were still around him clutching onto him like a child's favourite teddy bear. He gently tried to peel them off without waking her but only succeeded in the opposite.

"What do you think your doing?" he looked over; she had one eye open and was wearing her trademark grin.

"It's Saturday. I have school this morning." Shinji stated as a matter of fact sitting up.

"Is that how you greet all your girlfriends after you spend the night with them? I would have thought you'll be more of a gentleman." She pretended to be hurt be his words.

"What!" Not knowing how to reply that was the best he could do.

"I was expecting breakfast in bed. I like my eggs sunny side up and coffee black. But…" She sat up to meet his eyes. "I could also be hungry for something else…" She allowed the strap of her singlet to slow fall off her shoulder revealing more of her ample breast.

He couldn't help but stare. Even though he thought of Misato like an older sister he never had, he was still a fourteen years old boy with normal appetites.

She shifted closer into him, allowing his chest to just come in contact with hers 'God! She's not wearing a bra! Why didn't I notice that last night? Wait! This is one her games! That's right, well I'm not falling for it! If she thinks she has the upper hand then…' he smiled inwardly as he devised a plan to get her back.

"What do you say Shin-chan? You don't need to go school. Your Misa-chan can teach some things that you won't learn at school." 'He's so easy to tease… I think he's going to blow a blood vessel'

"I might know more than you think." Quickly grabbed both her hands and forced onto her back. He laid on top of her using his legs and weight to pin her down. With her hands held above her head she was immobilised. She was clearly surprised by his forcefulness. The thought of him taking full control was unexpected yet strangely pleasurable.

"Shinji! What are you doing?" She was afraid and getting aroused at the same time. His face was only inches away from hers and his eyes bore directly into her soul.

"I can feel your heart…" He was right. Misato thought her it was going to burst out of her chest.

"Shinji… Please…" She panted. 'Oh God… Is he really…'

"What do you want Misato? Tell me what you want me to do?" This time he breathed into her mouth. His breath sending her senses into over drive. "Or may be I should show what I'm going to do."

"I… I… want…" She licked her quivering lips as she waited in anticipation; the moisture from his breath tasted so sweet. She closed her eyes and waited for the moment.

And she waited.

And she waited some more.

It was about now she wondered what was happening. Misato opened her eyes to find Shinji sporting a cocky grin.

"PSYCH!" He rolled off her and headed towards out the door. It took Misato a few moments to realise that she had been sucked into his trick and this gave him enough time to make his get away. But fate always had it in for Shinji when a redheaded German road block stood in the door way.

"Asuka!" her sudden appearance caught him by surprise and fell backwards.

"Good morning baka…" her body was shaking with rage. "I came up to see if you wanted breakfast but I can see that you are busy…"

"It's not what you think…" he tried to explain while still on his knees.

"Oh…Shinji…" Misato called him as her body twitched with just as much rage. He didn't want to turn around. "It's nothing very nice to tease a woman. When a man says he's going to do something then he better go through with it."

"It was just a joke… I wasn't really going to kiss you." He stumbled backwards so more and began searching for another way out.

"What am I not good enough for you!" she began stalking towards

"NO!"

"So you were going to kiss that old hag!" Asuka started moving towards him.

"NO!" When there was no chance for escape. Shinji just curled up into a ball and opted for the duck and cover position. Asuka was closer and her punch would have connected first if Misato had not interfered. Shinji looked up from his cowering position to see old woman's hand caught the fist just before it was going to make contact.

"Didn't you know it's rude to interrupt two people when they are talking?" Misato's hand closed around Asuka's fist. "And to make comments about a woman's age? I thought you had manners, Asuka-chan."

"Do you know how sick it is to try and sleep with someone who is still a minor?" Asuka's other hand came up but Misato caught that as well. They fingers interlocked and the test of strength began, each of them trying to exert their dominance over the other. Shinji looked up from floor and felt like he was in the middle of a Godzilla Vs King Kong movie remake. Taking on the role of the fleeing Japanese civilians looked good to him so he tried crawled away from the pending destruction.

"DON'T YOU MOVE!" they both yelled at him causing him to stop in his tracks.

"Yes ma'am." He whimpered.

"Good morning dear." Shinji looked up to see his mother smiling and wearing an apron. "Breakfast is ready so come down and eat."

"But… But…"

"The girls will be fine playing in your room. You better hurry up or your breakfast is going to get cold." She clapped her hands together to make him get a move on. Yui offered him a chance for escape and he took it. So he followed his mother downstairs, the sound of his bedroom being torn apart made him cringe

'Well… I guess that bedroom set lasted three weeks' his bedroom would at least get several renovations a year. Some times the mothers were bring their work home and his room was used as the testing ground. The last time they wanted test of an experimental fire suppression system that NERV was developing. No one told him that they were going to start a real fire and it was too bad that the new item failed to work. At least the fire brigade managed to save a pair of socks.

"We have some guests this morning so the table is a bit crowded." She informed him as they walked through the living room. He passed the bodies of Fuyutsuki and Kaji. The both of them wearing nasty wounds and bruises from the night before. Their groans of suffering the only sign that they were alive.

"You didn't hurt them too much, did you?" he deadpans.

"They are fine dear. The chainsaw ran out of petrol. It must have been their lucky night."

'Chainsaw? Forget it… Just don't ask…' The mother and son reached the kitchen. The sight waiting for him in there was something that he didn't expect nor wanted first thing in the morning.

"Why is he here!" Shinji pointed that a still bandaged Kawrou who was being carefully hand fed by his sister.

"Brother... please…" Rei tried to calm him in order to stop another fight from starting between the two boys.

"What so funny!" he snapped at his grey hair nemesis. The smirk on Kawrou's face just pissed him off even more.

"Must you really ruin a delicious breakfast that your mother and sister prepared for us? You should really be more appreciative." He knew his comment would hit a raw nerve in Shinji.

"Don't talk to me like that in my house!" He was about the lunge at the boy but his father grabbed him by the shoulder and plonked him down in a seat next to him.

"Just sit boy. You have some explaining to do." Gendo looked a little worst for ware after going head to head with the heavily armed mother's club but nothing really new from the usual. His body was almost covered with the same amount of bandages as Kawrou but to Shinji he still had the presence which intimated him.

"I've heard a rumour that you have been seeing the Kirishima daughter. Is this true?" he demanded.

"Huh? Do you mean Mana? She asked me to see movie with her this afternoon."

"This is very exciting!" Yui happily interrupted. "My baby boy is going on his first date!"

"It's not a date."

"Quiet woman!" He slammed his palm onto the table command respect. "I forbid you to see her. Her father is a competitor and the enemy. To associate with her will betray your…"

WHACK

"How dare you speak to me or him like that!" Yui seethe with broken and bloody spoon in her hand. Gendo went head first out the kitchen and punctured the wall in the living room. His body twitched and spasm as it hung like a painting next the one of the framed family photos.

"It's alright sweetie," she patted his head and reassured him; her animalistic fury gone instantly. "You and Mana have fun on your date. Just make sure you ring if you two are going to be late."

"For the last time it's not a date…"

"Dude! Are you really going out with Kirishima?" His friends Touji and Kensuke rushed to his side. "She is so hot man! Could you do us a favour?"

"When did you guys get here?" Shinji asked his friends. His eye went over the similar injuries they had to his father and the other males in the house.

Touji held out his hand and his partner handed over a miniature digital camera. "We haven't been able to get any good pics of her and there's a huge market for her. We can make a killing. All you have to…"

WHACK. WHACK.

The body of two high school students hung on the wall next to the CEO of the largest corporation in the world. Yui was starting to build a collection of hunting trophies and to some the sight may be considered art. She stomped over and began giving a lecture to their behinds about the respect that man should hold for women, her dressing down continued for a good ten minutes.

Instead of trying to understand why his mother would be giving a lecture to the arses of his father and friends, he used this time to eat his breakfast but just ten minutes of peace was too much to ask. A tremendous crash from the floor above caused the whole house to shake. It was followed by a fully loaded bookcase falling pass the kitchen window and smashing into pieces. Shredded books and pieces of the shrub it landed on laid across the yard.

The next thing that followed was his desk and then his bed. Shinji just sighed as it continued to rain his personal effects. 'I was really just starting to get use to that mattress…'

A red and purple screaming fireball fell next. It landed on his bed sending what was left of the frame into tiny splinters and bounced safely onto the grass. Asuka and Misato's battle had moved to a large arena. None of them seem like giving up and the destruction had got the attention of the neighbours.

"For goodness sake Asuka!" her mother yelled from a window in her house. "That's not how you use a headlock! You have to get your forearm under the chin!"

"Shut up! I know what a headlock is!" she spat back at her mother.

"Is that anyway to talk to your mother? I was just trying to offer some friendly advice and this is the thanks I get. You are such an ungrateful child."

"I said shut up!" Misato noticed that her opponent had been distracted for a moment and took the opening. She placed one arm under Asuka's knee and lifted her up in a modified suplex. The manoeuvre caused her head to make a sizable indentation in the ground.

"That's what you get when you don't listen to your mother! And Misato, I'm a little disappointed. I've seen you perform much better German suplexes."

The purple haired woman ignored the comments. She leapt on to her feet and gave everyone a big V for victory.

"Alright! Now to claim my prize! Shinji! Shinji!" Misato aloud and began running towards the front door.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL

The children eventually managed to leave for school and surprising all arrived on time. The exception was Asuka who came in late after being cleared from by medical staff. It turned out that her concussion wasn't as anything serious; her pride took more of a beating. Touji was first to remind the fiery red head of her loss. She found some consolation in pounding his arse to a bloody pulp before the teacher arrived.

When the teacher demanded the class what had to him, no one had the balls to say anything. A male student hanging by his underpants from one of the classroom ceiling fans was something you couldn't miss.

But this worked in Shinji's benefit; Asuka was too busy pounding people to talk to him properly. If she didn't he would have had to tell her about the movies with Mana this afternoon. He knew he was a terrible liar and wouldn't be able to hide the fact if she asked him directly. He watched hands of the classroom clock painfully tick forward. His eyes darted towards the door and then Asuka. So far he was lucky that she hadn't managed spot what he was doing.

'I have to figure out a way to get out before she has a chance to get me… The door is too obvious and she's a lot closer to it than I am. There's the window' He peered over his shoulder to the window where Kensuke was sitting. 'The window is my best bet… I'll just send Mana an email that I'll meet her at the back gate… Now all I need is a distraction…'

"Pssst… Hey Ken," Shinji whispered. "Need a favour."

"What do you need?"

"When the bell rings I need you to distract Asuka."

"Yeah! Why don't I throw myself in front of a truck? That way it's less painfully." The sarcasm in his friend's voice was obvious.

"Please… I really need you help on this…" Shinji begged.

"Why don't you just tell the red devil that you're going out with Kirishima?" Kensuke knew about the afternoon rendezvous Shinji had with Mana. He was expecting him to ask something from him and wondered what took so long.

"You know Asuka just as well as I do. If she finds out she's not going to take it very well."

The spectacle boy stringed him along for a bit. "Just be a man about it. In any case, what do I get from doing this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm putting my body on the line and I expect some reward for it."

"Fine…" Shinji conceded that he wasn't going to get him to co operate any other way. "What do you want?" 'It's not too hard to figure out want you want anyway…'

"Let me see…" he folded his arms and closed his eyes to think. "I know. I want a matching set of lingerie from Misato's personal collection."

"Alright…" Shinji prepared himself for something perverted from Kensuke. He figured that it was easy enough for him to pinch Misato's personals off the clothes line.

"Make it two sets. The other one is for Touji."

"Anything else?"

"And get a set from your mother and those scientists' chicks that were at your party last night. They were looking good and we have been thinking about branching out into the mature genre. We should be able to get a better return on investment."

"WHAT!" he tried to keep his voice down but failed. The teacher looked in their direction and called for their attention. After a few stern words the old man returned to read from the text syllabus.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" just the thought of what Kensuke was asking made him feel queasy.

"That's the deal take it or leave it." Shinji looked at his friend and knew he wasn't going budge.

IKARI RESIDENCE

"AH-CHOO!" Misato sneezed and blew the froth off the top of her morning beer.

"You're not coming down with anything?" Yui asked in a motherly tone. "You should really go and put some proper clothes on." Her comment was aimed to the loose fitting and very revealing singlet and shorts Misato was wearing.

"Shinji didn't think there was anything wrong with it last night." The younger woman replied smartly. "I actually gave a few tips for his date this afternoon with Mana."

"What do you think about Mana?"

"I can't really say. We didn't talk all that much but she seem like a nice girl."

"I think so too. They make a really cute couple."

"Yeah they do… HANG ON! You said that I could have Shinji!" Misato slammed her beer on the table and stood up.

"I did? I don't remember saying such a thing," the mother teased. "In any case what about you and Kaji?"

"Don't mention his name and don't change the subject."

"Misato Katsuragi." The voice that called her name belonged to Gendo. He had regain consciousness and pulled himself from the living room wall.

"Sit down. I want an explanation to the events in Paris."

The whole reason for Misato's trip to Paris was to get approval for the new NERV branch. It's aim was help boost their hold on the European market. Yui had convinced/ordered him to send Misato over to meet government officials and representatives to negotiate things. So when news came back to Japan that the French government were not going to co operate and in fact placed heavy taxes on NERV products and services instead, he was more than a little anxious to find out what happen.

"Well you see Uncle…" she laughed trying to lighten the mood. "There was a little misunderstanding…"

"60 billion dollars worth of investment is not a little misunderstanding."

She quickly conceded that her position changed her tactics accordingly. She knelt down on the kitchen floor and began to grovel. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Misato repeated these words with her hands praying.

"Just tell me what happen…" Gendo was already tired from the display of apology from adopted niece. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Well…" She began recanting the events. "I got an invitation to a dinner function from the official that you told me to see. He said that he we could meet and discuss things there."

"That sound like a date. Was he cute?" Yui chimed in with her usual inappropriate question.

"You would think so! I heard that the French had the reputation as romantics but he was I was sadly mistaken. This guy was nothing compared with Shinji." Both women shared a giggle after mentioning Shinji's name.

Their childish behaviour infuriated Gendo to the point his eyebrow began to twitch.

"So anyway… before I went to the party I had to find a baby sitter for Pen-pen."

"A babysitter for Pen-pen…" Gendo repeated her words as both eyebrows began to twitch.

"I didn't want him to be alone. He didn't travel well on the flight over and he said that the sardines in France tasted different from the ones in Japan. The poor thing hadn't eaten much since landing."

"A sick penguin…" the sound of popping knuckles could be heard as Gendo balled his hand into fists.

"See you understand, uncle! So I had to take him with me. I managed to fit him inside my bag and thought I could leave him in the cloak room."

"Misato! How could you! That's no way to treat Pen-pen." Yui was shocked at her treatment of the family pet. His wife's concern for the bird over his corporation caused Gendo to collapse flat on his face.

"But it was alright! You see I tipped the attendant a little bit extra to let Pen-pen run around in the closet. And I figured that I'll look in on him from time to time."

"Wow… I have to admit that's pretty quick thinking on your part."

"Thanks Auntie."

"Let me see if I understand this correctly… You took your sick pet bird to an important function where your job was to gain approval from officials for our new European branch." Gendo's body began to shake with pent up rage.

"Not exactly… technically Pen pen stayed in the cloak room so he was no where near the function."

"So what happen dear?"

Suddenly Misato found the roof of the kitchen really interesting. "Well… It's kinda funny when you look back on it… I didn't know that the woman at the cloak was only working half the evening. The person who replaced her was some tree hugging save the whales hippy. She freed Pen-pen and he sorta went for a little… ah…wander around."

"Clarify 'a little wander around'," Gendo was really struggling now to remain composed.

"Replace 'around' with 'dinning room' and 'wander' with 'rampage'."

"Oh really? That must have been exciting. I think it's rare for the French to see a domesticated penguin. It sounds like fun."

"Just two minutes ago you said that stupid bird was no way near the function!"

WHACK.

"Don't call Pen-pen stupid!" Yui corrected her husband's error in the usual manner with another one of her spoons. "I real man doesn't blame his mistake on a defenceless bird."

"So anyway… with all the excitement going on Pen-pen got nervous again and the president's wife was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I told her that dry cleaning would get that stain out and we were happy to pay for it. The dress was ugly anyway. Pen-pen did her a favour by throwing up on it."

"Your bird threw up on the wife of the President of France?" Gendo couldn't believe his ears so he had to ask, although his gut was telling him he really didn't want to know.

"It was only after she tried to squash him with the punch bowl. It's mating season for penguins so he couldn't help it."

"Oh dear, are you saying that…" Yui gasped to what Misato was deducting.

"I got some pictures." She pulled out a photo album and quickly flicked to the page. It was there in all its glory. A middle age woman dressed in an evening dress holding an extravagant crystal punch bowl above her head and two foot penguin busily dry humping one of her legs.

"I see… You were right about that dress. She's just trying to hard. Those shoes are hideous."

For the second time, Gendo face faulted and collapsed due to his wife's inappropriate comments. He was beyond anger and disbelief. He stayed on the floor in a catatonic state.

"I didn't think her shoes were that bad. They just didn't look good on her," Misato offer as she looked over to her uncle on the floor. "Is he alright?"

"He's been doing that since we started dating. I personally prefer him that way," Yui said before walked over to the kitchen window.

"Hey, Kyoko!" she called out into the background of her neighbour. The German was sunning herself on a lounge chair in the back yard. She laid on her stomach as the tanning lotion glisten with the sun's rays and the scent coconut filled the air. The straps were undone from her top to prevent tan lines.

"What can't you see that I'm relaxing!" she was annoyed by someone interrupting her bliss.

"I'm really sorry but I need a favour. Do you still keep in contact with that French guy you dated in college?"

"Not really… He's the president now and was a lousy kisser. He turned me off French men for good." She shared the same sentiments as Misato.

"But he had a massive crush on you, right? I remember him stalking you around the campus."

"Who didn't? I can help it that I'm beautiful and men just want to fall at my feet."

"Get over yourself!" 'I can see where Asuka gets it from.'

"Hey you wanted a favour from me. Now hurry up you're spoiling the moment."

"Can you call the French guy and get him to approve the new NERV branch office in Paris? Misato and your ex boyfriend sort got off on the wrong foot."

Yui's choice of words upset both women.

"He wasn't my boyfriend/ It was Pen-pen's fault!"

"Fine, fine, whatever. Could you just speak to him?"

"What do I get in return?" she couldn't contain the smirk on her face. Knowing that Yui owned her something pleased and amused her at the same time.

"Name your price." The man had come back from the dead. Gendo had heard what was going on and saw a chance to salvage his 60 billion dollar investment. He would do almost anything for a second chance and Kyoko had foreseen this.

"I want Shinji."

"WHAT?" Misato and Yui echoed each other's thoughts. Yui knew what sort of a woman her friend was and images of her poor Shinji being consumed by Kyoko's over-ripened body instilled her with fear. Misato had the same mental picture but she was filled with rage instead of fear. After all, she couldn't let any one near her Shin-chan.

"You know, dinner, movie, love hotel… what did you think I was going to do with him; take him down to the arcade and play video games with me"

"I don't know Kyoko…He's still my baby and I don't want him to get hurt…"

"We've all saw him last night. I don't think he's a baby anymore but I know he has the equipment make babies."

"Over my dead body! Why don't you buy a couple of German frankfurters and play hide the sausage on your own!" Misato readied herself for another melee.

"Oh! So it's alright for you to spend the last night with him but when one of us wants to ride the Shinji Express Rollercoaster, you get all upset. Why don't you and your bird run away and start a new colony together." Her words caused Misato to begin climbing out the window with the intent of crushing Kyoko's skull.

"That reminds Misato, I haven't seen Pen-pen." All this talk regarding Pen-pen reminded Yui had she hadn't heard a peep from bird. Her words stopped Misato in her tracks.

"I just remembered something. I need to borrow the car! I'll be right back!" she deviated from her path and went straight to the family car in the driveway.

"Very well," Gendo's words caused everyone to stop. "If you are able to successfully to convince the French Government to reverse their decision, you may do what you wish with the boy."

"Oh goodie!" Kyoko squealed and then reached down onto the grass next to her. She pulled out a cell phone and dialled someone. The conversation didn't last more than five minutes and the others had no idea what they were saying. Half way through, she covered the speaker part of the phone and turned to Gendo. "He wants to know if you plan to build a new office block or are you happy to move into something already in the city."

For the third time, he face faulted into the ground. "Why didn't you tell me you knew the president! We could have prevented all this from happening? Do understand how much groundwork and how many man-hours were use to just get a meeting with that man!"

"Hmmm… I'll tell him that you'll build something yourself. After all, we don't want to our people working where dirty Frenchmen have been."

TOKYO 3 INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

A heavily armed police officer quickly ran up to his commanding office. "Sir, the bomb squad have arrived and currently prepping the robot probe."

"Thank you constable, you can resume crowd control with the rest of your team." The young man ran back to the barricade holding back a growing group of frustrated people. The office them walked over to the bomb squad who where currently unloading the robotic probe from the back of their truck.

"What have we got?" Bomb squad commander asked.

"It's a suspicious crate. According to airport staff it arrived yesterday and no one has claimed to pick it up. Witnesses have also claimed strange noises coming out of it." He pointed to the object sitting in the middle of the terminal.

"Hmmm…" the man rubbed his chin. "The device may have failed to explode. The noises people heard could be the initial spark for the big bang or faulty electronics which caused the failure. How are the evacuations coming along?"

"Passengers and on lookers have been pushed back to a safe distance. The control tower has also diverted aircraft to neighbouring airports but they can't keep doing that all day."

"I understand. Leave the rest to us." He walked back to his team who had finished unloading and setting the remote robot.

"Can we send the robot in?" one of his subordinates asked the leader.

"Do it."

The robot moved in on its target under the control of the subordinate. All the bomb squad members gathered around the monitor. It displayed the live video feed from the on board camera. The machine manoeuvred as close as possible to the crate to allow the use of extendable arm. As the arm inched its way towards the opening, everyone waited and watched anxiously. The operator activated the light on the end of the arm.

"WAAARRRK!" A massive beak came out and attacked the light causing the video feed to get cut.

"Everyone get down!" someone yelled and all the members of the bomb hit the deck.

TOKYO 3 SHOPPING DISTRICT

"I wonder what possessed Aida to do that after class," Mana wondered aloud as she walked along side Shinji. She was referring to Kensuke rushing out of his seat and grabbing Asuka's satchel off her shoulder.

"I know…" He laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Ken and Touji are real kidders."

'He didn't have to call her those things as well… Taking her bag was bad enough… There's no way he could out run her. I just hope she didn't hurt him too badly… But maybe it'll work out in my favour; Asuka might beat him up enough for him to forget about my part of the deal.'

"Oh look Shinji!" Mana began dragging him away towards a temporary stall setup in front of a supermarket.

The supermarket was holding a competition for its customers where they could use their receipts to enter a draw for various prizes. Prizes ranged from candy sticks to holidays and cash giveaways. Contestants would be allowed to pick a numbered ping pong ball. The corresponding number would match a prize.

"Don't you think it's so cute!" She pointed to an over size stuffed teddy bear sporting an over sized purple ribbon tied as a bow around its neck.

"I think the purple bow is a bit much."

"You're no fun. You wait here!" She raced inside the supermarket and soon returned with two drinks.

"Shinji… Do you think you can win me that teddy bear?" Mana handed him both receipts.

"I don't think so… I'm terrible at these things." He tried to given them back but succumbed to the look in her eyes. Shinji handed the receipts to the stall attendant and then put his hand into the bucket of ping pong balls.

"You're boyfriend must be really nice." The female attendant spoken. "When my husband and I were dating he would never do things like this."

Mana giggled and blushed slight. She latched onto Shinji's arm and played along. Shinji just smiled politely and didn't want to offend or upset anyone. He produced two balls from the bucket and presented them to the woman. She checked their numbers to the prize sheet.

"Well… It looks like you missed out of the bear I'm afraid." A crestfallen look washed over Mana's face. "But I'll tell you what; since you guys make such a nice couple, I'll give you the bear anyway."

"Really! That so kind of you!" The woman handed Mana the stuffed toy and she immediately pulled it into a huge hug. "You're the best Shinji!" She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. It was over before he knew what had happen and he was left there stunned.

"Ok young man. Time to check your winning number…" The woman's finger traced the prize sheet down the page. She looked back at the number of the ball and then the sheet again to double check.

"Congratulations! You're won a major prize!" She began ringing a bell and announced it to everyone in the area. Still in shock from the kiss Shinji just stood there. Mana squealed with delight again and leapt up wrapping her arms around his neck. For the second time, she managed to catch Shinji unprepared and the both of them ended up on the ground.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Ok, just a few things and a couple of responses to the reviews… I have nothing against the France or the French people. It was just the first country that popped into my head when I came up with the idea of Misato being overseas.

I'm not sure if I made it clear but Misato and Shinji aren't related but blood. She just became part of the family when her father died in this AU.

And as for the scenarios when Shinji is in peril and immediate danger, let's just say that his mother and sister have selective hearing during those times ;) After all, it gives more room for the funny stuff.

Many thanks for the positive reviews and Lord Raa for proof reading.


	6. Chapter 6

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 6

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO 3 CITY STREETS

"Congratulations young man!" the woman patted Shinji on the shoulder as the crowd around the stall grew in number. Her overdramatic ringing of the bell was a magnet for curious bystanders.

"Ah…" was all Shinji could mutter as he wondered how all this came about.

"This is so awesome!" Mana leapt and cheered while still attached to Shinji's arm. All he could do is just hang on for the ride. "What did we win? What did we win?"

"It's a five day retreat for two people to Hanamaki Onsen Resort in the Tohoku region." There was a moment of silence as the words registered in Mana's brain.

"OH MY GOD!" Mana screamed repeatedly with excitement as her finger nails dug into Shinji's flesh. During their celebrations, they failed to see two familiar faces walk up the street.

"Is that Shinji?" Naoko asked her daughter. Her keen eye sight was able to spot out his face from the crowd.

"Who cares? We're done grocery shopping. Let's go…" the daughter was tired. She wanted to spend her Sunday relaxing, yet her mother dragged her along to do the grocery shopping. Before she could finish, a fully loaded plastic bag smacked Ritsuko in the face. The contents spewing out and onto the side walk. The direct hit knocked woman out cold.

"Hold these for me. I'll be right back," Naoko said running towards the couple in the crowd. When she arrived Mana instantly remembered her and they started talking. The schoolgirl informed Naoko what had happen and there was another moment of silence as Naoko's brain registered the words.

"OH MY GOD!" they both screamed and jumped for joy.

'You'll think they wonder the lottery…' Shinji just ran his hand down his face.

"This is so exciting! We have to tell the others!" Naoko pulled away from the joyous hug and turned back towards her daughter.

"Ritsu! Get the car! We have some great new and have to tell everyone!" the mother was surprised when no response or least a smart arse remark came from her charge.

"Hey Ritsu!" this time she sounded little upset and stomped over to the fallen body. Naoko placed a few gentle kicks into her side to try and wake her. "This is no time to be taking a nap!"

IKARI RESIDENCE

Eventually, they some how managed to get the car, it was only after dragging Ritsuko's unconscious body and gathering all up all the groceries. Mana sat in the front passenger seat and listen to Naoko's past stories of her onsen holidays. Shinji was in the back seat with Ritsuko's head resting in his lap.

"It sounds like you really enjoy the hot springs, Akagi-san," Mana said.

"Please call me Auntie Naoko. After all you are Shinji's girlfriend," She replied.

"Naoko… Mana and I aren't…" he was about to correct the older woman.

"Now, now Shinji…" she cut him off and looked into the rear view mirror. "There's no need to be embarrassed. In fact I'm quite disappointed in you. I thought you would tell Auntie Naoko that you found yourself such a pretty girlfriend," her words made the schoolgirl blush.

Realising that there was no point arguing, Shinji just sighed and allowed Naoko to continue on her tangent. In time, they reached their destination. Naoko pulled into the driveway in front of the Ikari residences. Before she could put the car into park, a human hurricane ripped off the driver door and began frantically yelling at in incoherent Japanese.

"Naoko! I'm glad you're here! You have to help! Kyoko is crazy! Gendo is a baka! Shinji's in trouble! We have to stop her!" Yui began shaking her friend violently causing her eyes to roll back into the back of her head.

"Ikari-san?" Mana asked wondering this deranged lunatic of a woman in front of her sprouting crazy words was actually Shinji's mother.

"Mana?" Yui stopped her shaking and spoken normally. She looked at the young girl.

"What are you doing here? Ain't you suppose to be on a date with my Shinji?" the mother asked. Mana informed her as to what had happened at the supermarket stall. Once again there was a moment of silence as Yui digested the words.

'Here it comes…' Shinji stuck his fingers in his ears in preparation.

"OH MY GOD!" somehow Yui had pulled Naoko and Mana out of the car in one motion and followed a three women circle dance in the middle of the lawn.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier, Naoko? We have to start packing!" the female NERV scientist's eyes continue to rolled as her brains bounced inside her skull.

"There so pretty… Angels… I can see Angel…" she said in her dazed and concussed state.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" The Ikari family car roared down the street. It jumped the kerb and ploughed its way onto the grass. The driver slammed on the brakes and it skidded to a stop, just millimetres from touching the dancing females.

"WARK!" Misato got out carrying Pen-pen under her arm. "If the cops come then I wasn't here!" She raced passed the group and straight into the house. In the distance, the faint sound of police sirens could be heard.

"Welcome home, Pen-pen!" Yui yelled and waved to their retreating form.

Shinji had decided that the safety of the backseat in Naoko car was the place to be at the moment. With the way things were going, he was expecting bullets to start flying any moment. In any case Ritsuko head still lay in his lap and he couldn't just leave the unconscious woman unattended.

'She's pretty cute… I wonder why I never noticed before?' he thought silently as he stared at her peaceful expression.

"Mmmm… Shinji…" the blonde mumbled in her sleep. She rolled over and now her face was buried in his crotch area. The young man instantly froze up.

"Hey baka!" the passenger door flung open and there stood Asuka. "Where the hell were you after class! I had to walk home… on… my… own…" Her speech gradually got increasingly more inhuman when a she saw a mop of blonde hair in his lap.

"Wait! I can explain! It's not what you think!" he blurted and waved his hands about.

"Mmmm… More…" Ritsuko's dreamy voice was muffled but still audible. And to make matters worst she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"BAKA SHINJI!" she screamed on the top of her lungs. Shinji thought his ears drums were going to burst. Amazingly, Ritsuko continued playing the role of sleeping beauty.

(Don't anyone move!) An equally loud voice came over a mega phone speaker. (This is the police department and you have been surrounded.) Shinji twisted his neck to peer out the back window. Police cars were aligned across the middle of the street, forming a barricade. Officers stood behind open car doors with their guns aimed directly at them.

"Angels… I can see Angels…" Still feeling the effects of having her brain scrambled, Naoko happily dancing across the lawn. The flashing red and blue lights from the squad cars only enhanced her experience.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL

"I have to go to the store room for more bandages." The school nurse had used up all her bandages supplies and still had not completely dressed Kensuke's wounds. He was a bloody pulp, just a former shadow of the stooge that he was. Beside him lay his partner in crime. Touji was the reason why the majority of the bandages were gone.

"Hey Ken… Are you alive?" Touji croaked. It hurt to talk and breathe.

"Yeah…" His friend said with smiling. It was a deranged smile with teeth missing and bloody gums.

"Why are you so happy?" The class jock was annoyed at his friend. "We just got pummelled by the Red Devil. I think I'll be pissing blood for the next couple of days."

Kensuke's gently leaned over and whispered the details of the agreement he made with Shinji. His annoyance quickly being replaced with delight; both their suffering would not have been for nothing.

"Good work… dude…" Touji's body succumbed to exhaustion and he fell asleep with a wide grin.

IKARI RESIDENCE

"I don't see why you get to go!" The sounds of people bickering slowly brought Ritsuko back to the land of consciousness. The first things she notice was something damp on her forehead and she was in the Ikari house. It was a cold wash cloth and had some effect dulling the ache within her head.

'What happen?' She sat up and saw a group of people sitting around the kotasu, arguing about something. 'That's right… Mother and her stupid…' she then realised that Naoko was lying next to her with a similar cold compress on her head.

"No… Please… Shinji… We can't…" the older Akagi mumble in her sleep. The way she said those word didn't really reflect their true meaning – all the time she said it with a smile.

"I don't want to know what goes in her head…" Ritsuko stood up and walked over to the group. Shinji sat on one side and all around him was a wall femineity. In the middle of the kotasu was a stuffed teddy bear holding a pair of tickets.

"Since I have a date with Shinji, it's oblivious that I be the one that get to go with him." Kyoko spoke from the wall. She was still wearing her skimpy swim suit and certain parts of her body jiggled as she spoke.

"I really think that Mana should go," Yui was trying to be the voice of reason. "After all, it was she and Shinji that won the prize."

"I'll really like to go with Shinji…" Mana said nervously while trying not to blush. "That's… if he wants to go with me and…"

"No way!" Asuka slammed her palm onto the kotasu, causing the bear and Shinji to jump simultaneously.

"I have to agree with Asuka for once," Misato interjected. "It's not too safe for just a couple of school kids to go out on their own."

"That's right. So the only logical choice is me." Kyoko began crawling across the table seductively towards Shinji. She allowed as much of herself to been seen by the young man. Hypnotised by the way her breasts swayed from side to side he couldn't help but stare.

"It also doesn't mean that you can have him!" Misato grabbed onto the bra strap and pulled Kyoko away from Shinji. She timed her release to cause a massive snap back against Kyoko tanned skin.

"Ouch! That hurt!" This was the start for another all in argument. Everyone was yelling and shouting each other. They paid no attention to who was saying what. Shinji's just head had hit the top of the table.

Ritsuko reached down and pickup the stuffed toy with the tickets. Her actions stopped the fighting.

"Hanamaki Resort," she read the ticket's destination. "Whose are these?"

Four heads instantly snapped in her direction and four pairs of eyes burned with fury.

"What's the matter with all of you?" she asked trying not be intimated by their stares.

"She's got the tickets! Get her!" Ritsuko didn't know who yelled it out but the next thing she knew the wall femininity came charging directly at her. The tickets and bear went flying into the air as she was ganged tackled and a bawl ensured. I tangle of limbs and body parts were the only thing distinguishable from the human pile.

The bear landed softy next to Pen-pen had entered the room holding his dish. It was empty and the warm water bord was hungry.

"WARK!" he warn the bear that this was his territory and to go find his own hunting ground. When the bear didn't response, Pen-pen took it as a sign of a challenge. Another brawl had started. It was a mess of flippers and cotton stuffing.

The tickets had everyone too busy fighting to realise where they were. They gently floated down like a loose leaf caught in the breeze and found a resting place on Naoko's sleeping face. The present woke her from the pleasant dream she was having.

"What are these?" she picked up the objects and read them. "Oh I remember now!"

Seeing that Naoko had woken, Shinji went over to the only other person not involved in the scuffle. "I'm sorry you had to see this Naoko. You see, they…"

She cut them off. "Let me guess… they are fighting over who gets the other ticket."

"I don't even want to go. Don't get me wrong; it really nice and all but I have exams coming up and last time I didn't do too well."

"You are a real good kid, Shinji." She reached up and stoked his cheek. Her sudden touch of affection caused his body to stiffen. "You shouldn't worry about your exams, I'm sure you'll do fine. Enjoy your childhood while you still can."

The older woman scooted closer to him and draped her arm loosely around his shoulders. With her other hand she began seductively tracing circle on his chest with her finger nails. "You know we can also use the MAGI to hack in to the school computer system and have your grades changed. That'll give us sometime to go the hot spring," she purred into his ear.

"WHAT!"

"Don't sound so shocked. You haven't lived until you made love in an onsen while under the moon and stars. My late husband and I use to do it all the time." Her eyes got a far away look in them as she reminisced those pleasant times.

"Not that! How could you hack into the school computer system?" Shinji tried to remain composed as he fought to get the mental images of Naoko in the onsen.

"Don't worry about the small stuff." She brushed off his question. "I have this special trick I can do." Naoko pulled him closer and whispered the details of secret. Her detailed description caused all the blood in Shinji's book to rush to his head and made him faint.

"That was just the first chapter." She said looked down at his flustered face. "It was only the beginners section of the Karma Sutra."

"Come on! Say it; say 'uncle'!" called out Kyoko. She had Ritsuko in a position underneath the pile trying to get her to submit. She had Asuka wrapped around her neck and head trying her hardest to squeeze the life out of her. Mana was trying to pry the vice like grip from around the suffocating blonde. Yui had one of Ritsuko's legs and was trying to rip it from its sockets. While Misato had the other but was gnawing on it like a dog with a bone.

"Oh well…" Naoko some up the situation in those two words before diving into the wrestling match. Her tackle managed to knock Kyoko off her daughter and send to whole lot of them rolling towards the front door in a big ball of humanity. They ended up on the front lawn end where another scene was unfolding.

"Get your hands off me! I demand that you release me at once!" Gendo was being pinned to the ground be a number of police officers. His shouting caused the girls to stop fighting for a moment.

"Shut up! You terrorist!" one of the officers yelled back it him. He followed up his threat by clobbering him with his batten. Somehow they had mistaken Gendo for the attempted bombing at airport.

"Yeah! Hit him again!" Yui encouraged the police brutality on her husband. Seeing someone wailing on Gendo was more enjoying then the wrestling match.

"Are they really married?" Mana asked getting up off the ground.

"You just wait until you get married honey," Kyoko said standing beside the young girl. She looked down at the skin burns she had inflicted by Mana. "I like your spunk. At first I thought you were one of those girly girls but I can see that you will be good for Shinji."

"Thanks… I think…" Mana didn't whether to be happy or confused.

"Damn it Yui! Tell them that it's all a mistake!" Gendo screamed at his amused wife.

"Oh my God! The bad terrorist yelled at me! He's seen my face. His friends are going to kill me and my family!" she pretended to be the hysterical mother fearing for her family's safety and found solace in Naoko's shoulder.

"Don't worry Yui… The police will make sure that he'll never hurt anyone you love again," her friend consoled and patted her on the back. She knew to play along with the act.

"This is no time for jokes! Tell them that they're wrong!" he shouted again and wrestled against the handcuffs.

"Is what he says true ma'am?" another officer approached the group. "Is that normal?" he was referring to Misato and Asuka still wailing on the hapless Ritsuko. Asuka had some how managed to begin choke the youngest Akagi and Misato still chewing on the leg.

"She's been overseas for while. They are just getting reunited," Kyoko answered with a sweat drop. "She did just come back from Europe."

"I see… That explains everything." The policeman turned to his comrades restraining Gendo and ordered "Take him away."

They hoisted him back to his feet and unceremoniously dragged him to one of the squad cars. He looked back at his family and friends.

"Don't just stand there waving good bye! Come and help me!" his last words earn him another beating from the police officers. "Damn you! I know people in high places. I'll have all you fired and neutered like the dogs that you are!"

The girls continued waving as the police left and drove away from the house.

"So… who's hungry? It's almost dinner time." Yui said stretching her arms.

"Yeah, I'm starving," replied Naoko, making her way towards the house.

"Would you like to stay for dinner Mana?" Mother turned towards her. "I'm sure Shinji would like it if you stayed."

"If that's not too much trouble…"

"Of course not…"

"Shinji!" Naoko spoke up over the both of them. With all the fighting they had forgotten about the boy. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at each. Even Misato and Asuka paused for the moment.

"I GET TO SIT NEXT TO SHINJI!" they all chorused together and another frenzy bolt into the house ensued. Ritsuko also joined in, although it was Misato hauling her battered carcass along.

LATER THAT EVENING – SOHRYU RESIDENCE

"Can you tell me why I'm sleeping over here tonight?" asked Shinji standing in the middle of Asuka's bedroom trying to not look around and seem like a he was nosy.

"Baka Shinji!" Asuka gave him a gently slap across the back of his head. "Did the lack of oxygen while being unconscious give you brain damage? You're bedroom is no more," she reminded him that his remains of his bed still lay on grass outside the kitchen window.

"Oh yeah…" the rest of evening was pretty much uneventfully. Rei arrived late and explained that she and Kaworu went for a walk after school. Shinji didn't like the idea of Nagisa hanging around his twin sister but news about them caused the mothers to begin probing her for details. But it was a short lived break when it was decided that every ten minutes they would play Jan-Ken-Pon to determine who would get to sit next to him.

'At least they weren't fighting again…'

"Turn around."

"Huh?" he wasn't paying attention to her and still thinking to himself.

"Turn around baka. I have to get changed."

"Oh sorry…" he quickly did as he was asked and managed to keep the blush he was developing hidden from Asuka. The sound of her underdressing and her clothes hitting the floor didn't help.

"Ok. I'm done." When he turned away he found her wearing a singlet and shorts very similar to Misato, expect a light blue in colour. It didn't leave much to his imagination.

"Well?" she asked little annoyed at his staring.

"Well what?"

"Are you really going to sleep in you school uniform?" the whole time he had not realised what he was wearing.

"Oh sorry," he apologised again and scurried to the corner of the room. Shinji began changing when he felt a pair of eyes on him. He looked behind him and found Asuka staring intently at him. "Ah… could you turn around please?" he asked sheepishly.

"Fine…" she huffed and flopped back onto the bed. He changed into his boxers and a night shirt. Shinji walked back into the middle of the room and looked around the floor.

"Am I just sleeping on the floor?" he asked not sure what was going on. Asuka just rolled her eyes.

"Baka… you're sleeping in my bed." She scooted under her sheets and made room for him beside her.

"Are you sure? I mean…"

"Damn it! Just get your arse in here!" she snared.

"Yes ma'am." He got in next to her afraid of any repercussions if he didn't. Shinji made sure that he rolled over so not the face. Just the scent her hair from her pillow was distracting enough.

"Hey baka," Asuka called him. He just gulped expecting something bad.

"I know about your date with Kirishima…"

Her voice was different. It wasn't strong and demanding like usual. Instead it was soft almost frighten. Her words caused him to freeze.

"Did you have fun with her?"

"How did you know?"

"Your stooge friend has a low tolerance to torture." He felt her hand touch the back of his head ever so softly. "Do you like her?"

"What do you mean by 'like'?" 'Great… Why did you have to say that! She's going to pound the crap out of you now!'

"You know… Like as a… girlfriend…" her words hit like sledge hammer.

"I… don't know…" 'Shit! Why say that! I know it was the truth but you just signed your own death warrant.'

Being so close Shinji felt her body tense up after his words. "I see so… you like her more than me…" the feeling of her hand went away and the mattress moved as she rolled over to not face him. A wave of guilt washed over him and he had to say something.

"Asuka…"

"Shut up!" her usual venom was gone but the sting was still there. Shinji could have sworn it sounded like a she was crying.

"Asuka," he called her again and sat up. "I don't know how I feel about Mana but that doesn't mean I change the way I feel about you."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better. And it still doesn't answer my question," she pouted and stayed rolled away from him.

While Shinji battled a stubborn and upset Asuka, another battle of a different kind was starting in the roof space above her bedroom.

"Why the hell are we doing this!" Ritsuko demanded. She was annoyed that her childhood friend Misato had talked her into following her into the hot and dusty crawl space in the Sohryu residence.

"Keep it down or they'll us!" she whispered back. "Make sure you step on the beams. You wouldn't want fall through."

"Fine… It's not as if I could go anywhere else. Someone put bite marks on my new pair of shoes!" the blonde's eyebrow twitched as she reminded herself of the state of the favourite shoes after the rumble for the resort tickets.

"Well… who said that you could dream about my Shinji?"

"What! How do you…" Ritsuko slapped her hand across her mouth but she had said too much already.

"Ah ha! So it is true." Misato pointed at her friend. "You know you still talk in your sleep."

"Whatever… Can we just get done and over with."

"Hey! I thought you said you would wait for us!" Misato almost yelled at the three mothers already in roof space. Each of them wore a headlamp and looked in her direction. The bright lights caused the two younger women to shield their eyes.

"Shhh!" all three hushed the pair of latecomers.

"Hurry up; we're almost finished setting up." Naoko waved them to come across. They did so and Ritsuko couldn't believe what se was seeing.

"You have got to be kidding me…" Ritsuko said aloud as Yui used a hand held drill to create a small pilot hole through to Asuka's room. Kyoko was holding a telescopic micro camera. "You do know how disturbed and twisted spying on them like this is?"

"Quiet! If you can't say anything positive why did come here in the first place?" Naoko dressed her daughter down.

"I was dragged here by her!" She pointed to Misato who was fixing a spare lamp from their special kit bag.

"Shhh!" the four of them hushed her again.

"Did you hear that?" back in Asuka's room, Shinji found a way to change the subject. "It sounded like voices… I think they came from the roof. Hey, it might that monster you made up when we were kids."

His attempt to be funny and lighten the mood didn't rub off on her. "Fine… What can I do to make things better?" He had known her for long enough and realised the easiest way to get back into Asuka's good books was to just come out and ask her.

That way it gave the young red head the sense of control again.

It worked and she sat up like him. "I want you to kiss me."

"What!" he gasped.

"WHAT!" The five visitors in the roof repeated Shinji's sentiments. As soon as they realised what they said, they just as quickly slapped their hands over their mouths.

"Give me the camera!" Yui snatched the camera from Kyoko. Her actions started off everyone jostling in the cramped roof space.

"You heard me. Kiss me!" the hesitance in her voice earlier on was gone and her eyes held a steel of determination.

"But Asuka…" he was cut short when both her hands cupped his face. Asuka knew that Shinji would never have had the initiative to make the first move. It was now or never. With Mana in the picture, Misato and the mothers' constant interference this moment gave her the chance to find out how he actually felt about her.

She closed in with her lips ready. Instinctively, the both of them closed their eyes and ready for the kiss.

'Yes! This is it!' But fate didn't agree with Asuka's thoughts. Just as they were about to kiss the roof caved in with a tremendous crash. Dust and debris filled the room. They couldn't see anything and the dust got caught in their throats.

"Give me the camera!" Misato's voice was easily recognisable from the mess. A fall from the roof didn't stop them from arguing over the camera. They were all arguing expect from Ritsuko.

"Why do you always get to go first?" that sounded like Naoko. "What makes you so special?"

"Damn it! Will you all stop!" Ritsuko said rubbing her head still feeling the effects of the fall. Unlike the others she had realised what had happened. Her words caused them to stop fighting over the camera and look at their surroundings.

"Hey Kyoko, I don't remember the inside of your roof being painted." That careless comment came from Misato

"You dimwit! We just fell through the roof!" Ritsuko pointed out the oblivious to her friend.

"YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Asuka screamed on the top of her lungs before jumping off her bed and lunging at the invaders. She didn't wait for an answer and began swinging wildly at the intruders.

TOKYO 3 POLICE STATION

Gendo was sitting alone in an interrogation room. There was a table and two chairs. The desk lamp was position and shone straight into his eyes. It was so close that he could feel the heat from the light and made things difficult to see. But Gendo could make out the door he came in through and a small window with iron bars next to it.

The door opened and someone entered. He made his way to the other chair and sat down. The light made it impossible for Gendo to see his face.

"My name is Keel. I'm from the government."

"Ah… It's about time you arrived. Now get me out of here." Gendo knew that his arrest would spread quickly through the political channels and it was only a matter of time when a government official would come.

"You are in no position to demand anything." Keel countered. "Now either you are going to talk willingly or…" he snapped his fingers and the door opened again. Another person pushing a trolley rolled into the room. On the trolley were a variety of torturing tools.

Gendo began to fight against his resistants again but something in the small window caught his eye.

"WARK!" Pen-pen waved a flipper at the man. The bird was still covered with bits of cotton stuffing from his run in with the bear trying to take his territory.

"That bird! It's your entire fault! I'LL KILL HIM." He screamed and leapt to his feet only to have Keel and his assistant tackle him back to the ground.

"Your insanity act won't fool us." Keel held the man down as his assistant injected him with a sedative. Gendo eyes began to get heavily and the last images he saw Pen-pen's waving a flipper holding onto the head of the prize bear.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Many thanks again for the positive reviews. This was a fast update. It's amazing what you can do when you manager is away from work and you have nothing to do over the weekend.

I've had a few mixed responses to the 'older' women chasing Shinji. I know that this may not be in the taste of some and others have asked what is their reason for to get how hero into bed. The best way I could explain was put forward by the proof read – mighty Lord Raa.

_Because it's funny…_

When I thought of writing this fic, I didn't have a grand plan so minor details like why does she want Shinji, I didn't really give it much thought.

The other thing is that some have pointed out that Kyoko isn't Japanese. This detail sort of slipped my mind (sorry…). I guess instead of trying to fix things, I'll say that the guys use her German connection as something to insult her with; Like picking on the kid at school because he as big ears.

Anyway, I've crapped on long enough. Thanks again, enjoy and review

Wonga316


	7. Chapter 7

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 7

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

THE NEXT MORNING

After last's night fiasco in her bedroom, Asuka and Shinji camped out in her backyard for the remainder of the night. When the poor boy suggested that they could move the mattresses to one of the living rooms, Asuka told him in her own special way that their was no way she was going to allow herself or him to sleep under the same roof with one of those perverts mothers. Although, she wished she'd listened to his advice because trying to setup a tent in pitch darkness wasn't as easy as she thought.

At the moment, she laid facing him watching him sleeping peacefully. In fact, she spent the majority of the night just staring at him. She had resisted many times to kiss. She came close a couple of times but baulked at the last moment.

'Damn you, baka Shinji… Why are things always so hard with you…?' She didn't have time to finish her thoughts when his blue orbs opens and meets hers.

"Good morning." Shinji said sleepily and then sat up. His hair was all over the place from a restless night's sleep. His comical appearance made Asuka giggle.

"What's funny?" he asked and then touched his head. "Oh I see…"

"Hey Shinji about last night…" she stopped laughing and went serious. "You never answered my question."

"What question?" Shinji scratched his head in a puzzled fashion. He really had no idea what she was talking about. "I remember having this weird dream where our parents fell through your roof and trashed your bedroom and that's why… hang on!"

He looked at his surroundings inside the tent. "Did that really happen?"

His utter naivety annoyed Asuka and she bopped in on top of the head. "I sometimes wonder what I see in you…" she slapped her hand across her mouth when she realised her words would imply her true feelings.

"That's not what I meant! I what really mean is…" she quickly tried to explain and cover her mistake.

"What the hell is that?" Shinji's ears pick up the sound of a dull engine whine and as it got closer the wind picked up. The sides of the tent began to buffer. He decided to investigate and as he unzipped the opening to the tent, the pegs and rope holding their cover down gave out. The nylon material blew away in the gust.

Girly instincts kick in for Asuka and she quickly latched onto Shinji. They both looked up to see two strange craft hovering above them. He had never seen them before. The strange craft looked like hybrid of some kind of advance helicopter but without rotor blades. He began to panic but then saw the NERV insignia on the tail fin.

"You have got to be kidding me…"

The aircraft swung around and the side door slide open. (Good morning Shinji!) It was his mother yelling into a mega phone. (You better hurry up. We're leaving for the hot springs. We couldn't decide who would get to go to the resort so the easiest thing is just to bring everyone.)

"What do you think you're doing?" he yelled back but his voice was just drone out from the engines.

(I'm sorry sweetie, mummy can't hear you!) He then saw an arm come out and snatch the mega phone from Yui. The arm was attached to a woman with unmistakable purple coloured hair.

(Hey Shin-chan! Get your sexy butt moving. I can't wait to get…) before Misato could finish Yui attempted to get the mega phone back and a tug of war started. He thought things couldn't get any worst when any another aircraft rush up next to them. This time someone else's mother appeared.

(Don't worry about school. We've spoken to your headmaster and your friends are coming along as well.) Kyoko said appearing in the doorway of the second aircraft.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES – SECRET RESEARCH FACILITY

"I can't believe he's not here yet." Fuyutsuki looked at his watch again nervously as he waited outside the hanger doors. Today was the first inspection by the JSSDF and government officials on the new VTOL aircraft NERV had been commission to develop and build. The contract was worth hundreds of billions and rank higher in priority with the European expansion. If everything went well they were pretty much guaranteed to build and replace all the existing vertical take off aircraft in the military and Japanese Government.

The old man knew his former student Gendo wouldn't miss this occasion for anything. On the other hand, he had a feeling that his wife and her cohorts wouldn't make an appearance. In a way he was glad they wouldn't show. God knows what sort of trouble they could start.

The sound of Kaji's voice alerted him that his visitors had arrived. The young man led the government party to the secret storage hanger. He decided to amuse them with some idle chatter. Actually one of the officials had brought along his assistant and the pretty thing caught his fancy.

"Fuyutsuki-san," one of the officials greeted him a bowed. "It's good to see you again. I don't see Ikari-san. Is there something wrong?"

"It's good to see you as well. I must apologies on his behalf. I'm afraid that he's fallen ill and can not attend today's inspection," the former university lecturer bowed back respectfully.

"I hope it's nothing serious. In any case shall we continue with the inspection? I'm terribly sorry to rush you but I have a committee meeting to attend after this."

"Of course." Fuyutuski walked over to the key pad to unlock the giant hanger doors. After a sequence of key presses and beeps from the control pad, the steel doors began to grind open. Eventually they fully open and whole interior was dark enough that you weren't able to see anything.

"Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the latest in aviation technology – The VTOL." He hit the lights expecting to see the two prototypes which were completed last week.

"What is this! Some kind of joke!" the JSSDF officer expressed his annoyance at the sight before him. Two oversized large cardboard cut outs stood in the place where the VTOL units should have been. Details on the aircraft were marked out in crayon including a smiling stick figure pilot waving hello.

"I think this is a note." Kaji walked up and tore off the scrapped piece of paper from the cardboard tail fin.

"It reads… Hi Sensei. I've borrowed your pretty flying machines to take everyone for a holiday. Hope you and Kaji can join us soon. Yui Ikari." As he finished reading one of VTOL cardboard cut outs fell down face first. It landed with a puff of dust which coated the VIP guests.

SOMEWHERE ABOVE JAPAN'S HONSHU

"Excuse ma'am," Maya asked from the controls, "Are you sure that it's alright to take the prototypes?"

"Don't ask Maya," Ritsuko answered her assistant. "The way I see it, at least this way we can make sure that they don't totally destroy them."

She was referring to Yui and co. Somehow the mothers club plus one Misato Katsuragi snuck into the NERV secret research facility and managed to steal forty five tonnes of high tech military equipment out the back door. They also somehow persuaded Ritsuko and her team who developed the new flying machines to be in on the plan.

The truth was the blonde doctor knew there was no point in trying to talk some sense into them and it was better to play along and make sure that the damage was minimised, especially since she has spend the better part of the last two years on the VTOL project. But her patience was tested when Yui told her that they would have to make several stop overs to pick the friends of Shinji and Rei.

(Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome aboard and thank you for flying with NERV Heavy Industries Airlines.) Mother Ikari had somehow managed to work out the intercom for the VTOL cabin and was now playing air stewardess with Misato. The lucky passengers were Shinji, Asuka, Mana and Kensuke. Their other friends were on the second VTOL which could be seen outside the left window.

"Would you like some peanuts or some refreshments?" Misato asked the children carrying a tray of food and beverages. Ritsuko just sighed loudly at her superior's and best friend's behaviour.

"You know Shinji…" Misato plopped herself onto the boy's lap. "There are other services that I can offer. Have you heard of the mile high club?" She was really getting into the role by purposely undoing the top few buttons on her blouse. The view didn't go unnoticed by Shinji.

"Damn Shinji!" Kensuke took a moment from jumping around with excitement and recording everything on camera. When the aircraft had come to pick him up, it practically punched a hole in the roof of his house, he felt like all his Christmases had come at once. "You lucky bastard! Why didn't you tell me that you and Misato are…"

"Wait! We're not!" he cut his friend off and tried to get Misato off his lap at the same time.

"So do you really like older women Shinji?" Mana asked sounding upset.

"No! Listen…" his hand shot out instinctively but unfortunately Misato's chest got in the way and he ended up with a handful of her womanly flesh.

"Shinji! I never knew you were so bold!" she squealed with delight and excitement. "I never knew you liked it rough."

"What do you think you're doing!" Asuka growled her words dangerously before jumping on the pair. The suddenly shift in weight cause the ship to roll to the left sharply and then began to descend.

(Ladies and Gentleman, due to some slight turbulence, please return to your seats and stow your trays in the upright position.) Yui was still playing the role of flight stewardess as Asuka and Misato began playing tug of war with Shinji as the rope. Maya and Huyga desperately tried to keep the prototype craft from crashing into a mountain, which there were approaching rather quickly.

(Hey Maya!) Aoba's voice sounded on the radio. He and Naoko were piloting the second ship. (What's going? You're all over the place.)

The short hair brunette was about to respond to the other pilot but Ritsuko grabbed radio from her. "Aoba! Is my mother there?"

(Ah… Yeah… go ahead…) her question was confused him because it was for strange the situation.

(Hi Ritsu!) Naoko voice sounded cheerful and happy. (Are you having some trouble with your little helicopter?)

"It's called a VTOL!" she corrected her mother. "I just realised a few things since we are about to become a smouldering pile of wreckage in the mountain we are about to crash into. There are many things I want to say…"

(Oh, Ritsuko honey… You're not going to…)

"I just want to know before I die…" She paused as the words become stuck in her throat. "I'm really adopted ain't I? You can tell me. I just want the last few moments I spend on this planet knowing that I was no way related to you or any of these nut cases. That would make me really happy."

Maya and Huyga face faulted into the consoles in front of them. They were unaware Yui came into the cockpit. From behind them she reached over and pressed a button on the console. Suddenly the VTOL began to climb and avoid the mountainside.

"What did you do?" Ritsuko asked the older woman.

"I just engaged the auto pilot system." She simply replied.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THERE WAS AUTO PILOT SYSTEM! I WAS THE LEAD ON THIS PROJECT!" Yui was taken aback by Ritsuko's shouting.

"You never ask me. There was email sent around a couple of months back maybe you weren't included," she replied calmly. "Now if you will excuse me, I have passengers to attend to."

Yui returned to the cabin of the aircraft, leaving Ritsuko to stew in her own anger.

"That's biggest I've seen yet. I reckon she is going to pop this time," Hyuga whispered to his co pilot. He was commenting on the still growing and pulsing vein just above Ritsuko's eye.

"At the altitude we are at, it's not going to help either."

TOKYO 3 POLICE STATION

Kaji and Fuyutsuki were led by the young constable to the cell were Gendo was being held. Once Gendo's words were true, news of his arrest did make its way through the channels and to the right people. Well, it was actually Kaji who read about it in the morning paper while he was relieving himself in the men's room.

"Ikari?" the older of the two men called out in to the gloomy cell. Only a pair of feet could be seen from the little light streaming in from the small window.

"Hang on…" Kaji quickly grabbed Fuyutsuki by the shoulder and whispered. "I think we should tell him about the inspection this morning."

"Whatever for? Do you want to piss him off even more?"

"Sort of. I never really liked him. I'm just staying around to get back with Misato." Fuyutsuki sweat dropped as Kaji continued. "But seriously we tell him now the cell will protect us."

"Good thinking. I want to get him back for all the times he involved me his crazy schemes."

The younger man had a good point they could inform the CEO about the disastrous military inspection of the VTOL from the safety of outside his cell when the rampage began.

"Hurry up and get me out of here." It was an order but the usual venom and intimidation wasn't there from Gendo.

"Before that there is something you should know…" Fuyutsuki began recounting the events of the VTOL inspection. Secretly, he smiled inwardly knowing that his little moment of revenge was justified. And when he finished they got the response they wanted from him.

"AAAARRRGGGHHH!" Gendo rushed up the cell bars some kind of savage beast and began trying to tear them apart. When that didn't work he turned to the interior of his prison. He somehow managed to get the leg off the bed and began smashing the stainless steel toilet.

"I never knew he had it in him…" Kaji commented as he watched the scene of destruction unfold in the cell. "I wish I had a banana though."

"Huh?" Fuyutsuki was confused by Kaji's words

"You know a banana - the yellow fruit with the skin that you peel back."

"I know what a banana is. Why do you want one now?"

"Not for me." Kaji pointed to Gendo. "It's for the big gorilla."

HOT SPRINGS

Eventually both experimental aircraft managed to arrive that their destination safety with all passengers alive. The same can't be said for the farmers on their rice crops where Naoko thought it was a good idea to buzz the poor country people to give them a look that their new toy. The owners of the Inn where they were staying also fainted when their guest parked each flying machine next to their family station wagon.

"You're just jealous that Shinji likes me!" Misato shouted. Her little tiff with Asuka continued even when they landed.

"Why would he like an old skank like you!" Asuka fired back at her counterpart.

Yui and the mothers busily looking over their new surroundings and the wonderful garden surround the inn or what was left of the garden that hadn't been blown away by the jet wash.

Mana had joined Hikari, Touji, Rei and Kawrou from the other VTOL and happily chatted among them selves. While Kensuke was still running around with the aircraft with his camera. The Military buff was trying to capture every inch and detail of his new object of desire.

Shinji managed to stay clear and unnoticed by the others. He was currently helping unload the luggage with Ritsuko and her team. "I can do this on my own Ritsuko-san." He said politely. "Why don't you and your team go with the others?"

"I don't want to spend anymore time than I have to with those morons." Her comment caused Shinji to smile. She underestimated the weight of one of the bags and it caused her to tumble over. Shinji saw this and instinctively stuck out his hand and caught her around the waist.

"I'm so sorry Shinji," she apologised while using his arm for support to get back onto her feet. "I didn't think that it was that heavy."

"That's alright. Misato is usually pretty clumsy around the house. So I'm used to picking up after her."

'But that still doesn't explain why she happens to trip and fall on me after just I'm finishing bathing…'

Ritsuko was first to realise the intimate situation she was in with Shinji. She never realised and underestimated his reflexes and strength. In the one movement he had caught her and the bag she was trying to pick up. He hand rested on his shoulder and she found it surprisingly broad for a boy his age.

'Get a hold of yourself! You're starting to pick up some bad habits from Misato and the others!'

"Ritsuko-san?" Shinji said.

"Yeah…" she replied almost dreamily.

"Can you move your hands?" She was so lost in the moment that she failed to notice that he had removed his arm from around her and wanted to continue unloading all the bags.

"What's the matter? You look kind of flushed. Or not coming down with anything?" Shinji used his free hand and placed it on her forehead, checking her temperature. His actions made her blush a little more.

"I don't think she's sick, Shinji." A familiar voice interrupted the two.

"Mother!" Ritsuko whipped her head around to see her mother standing in the gantry with a picked flower from the garden placed above her ear. She walked up to the pair.

"I think the drought is about to break."

"MOTHER!"

"What do you mean drought? I don't understand?" Shinji was utterly confused by the older woman's comment.

"Well, you see Shinji…" Naoko couldn't continue her words because a hand from Ritsuko slapped across her mouth.

"What the hell is going on here!" Misato and Asuka copied each other's words. Their argument finally ending with someone deciding the best option was to let Shinji decide. They stumbled across the young boy having a rather interesting chat with the Akagi mother and daughter. Misato was first to storm up the ramp. She grabbed Shinji pulled him into her body; his head getting wedged between her breasts.

"I said that I'll share Shinji! That doesn't mean you can jump his bones when my back is turned." She snarled at both women. Soon the argument had four parties involved and they were too busy fighting to realise that Shinji was struggling for air.

'This is not really too bad a way to die…' he thought as he blacked out from lack of oxygen. The girls only notice something was wrong when his flailing arms began to go limp and lifeless.

TOKYO 3 POLICE STATION

"Are we ready?" the news reported asked her camera. He gave her the nod and started recording.

"We are on scene at the Tokyo 3 Police Headquarters where this afternoon became the site for a daring prison escape." She spoke into the camera. "He with me are two eye witnesses to the event. Could please tell our viewers what you saw?"

"Is this thing really on? Are we live on the air?" Fuyutsuki asked the new reporter. She nodded which prompted him to turn and walk away. It just left Kaji to face the media.

"Ok… No comment…" she turned to the younger man. "Can you shed some light of the events that happened here?"

"Sure." He said with a mouth full of banana. During all the chaos Kaji had managed to find the piece of the fruit to feed to the gorilla but it only seem to enrage Gendo more. If they only knew that it was that simple piece of fruit that sent the former CEO of NERV Heavy Industries into berserker mode which caused him to breakdown the concrete wall and make his escape.

"Hello to all the lovely ladies in TV land." He grabbed the microphone from the young woman. "My name is Ryohji Kaji. I'm thirty one, single and very available. My interests include water skiing and mountain bike riding. I enjoy spy movies and my favourite colour is orange."

"Excuse me!" The reported interrupted his live video date spiel and took back her microphone. "Could please tell us what happen here!" she pointed back at the gapping hole in the side of the prison cell with debris of bricks and mortar lying around the ground.

"Ok… but wouldn't your viewers prefer to know about me instead?" Kaji was honestly surprised that she wanted him to talk about the break out.

"Fine…," he relented when he saw the death glare that he was receiving. "This is the man we are looking for."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his packet of cigarettes. On the backside was a very poor attempt at Gendo's portrait. It resembled nothing like him. If you had dropped a watermelon from the top of a building onto a piece of paper and placed a pair of goofy glasses, it would have looked more like him.

"He may look dangerous and talk in the threatening manner but he's really a big pussy. What else can I say about him? Oh yeah, he has a really stupid looking beard. It's like he's trying to be a pirate or something."

"So… does this friend of yours have a name?" for once the reporter didn't know what to say.

"He no friend of mine." Kaji replied. "I also want to add that we don't mind whether he's brought back dead or alive. So if you see him shot to kill."

HOT SPRINGS INN

"Hey Yui!" Naoko called out as she switched off the television with the remote control. "It looks like Gendo may be coming to the resort with us after all."

When she didn't hear anything from the other side of the room separated by the traditional shoji, she picked her up from in front of TV and walked across. After gently tapping on the thin bamboo door, she slid it open.

Inside was Yui sitting with her back up against the wall and Shinji head lying in her lap. Misato sat opposite her staring intently at the unconscious boy. The only sound was a mother's gently humming of a child's lullaby as she stroked his hair.

"I'm really sorry Auntie…" Misato felt bad for what she did to Shinji.

"It's alright…" The mother broke from song and looked up at her adopted niece. "My Shinji is strong. Why don't you go and unpack like the others?"

"No. I want to stay until he wakes."

"It's been a while since I've heard you sing, Yui. You know I saw a karaoke machine downstairs. We should break it out where we are here." Naoko thought it was time that she made her presence known to them. "You use to be quite a singer back in our college days. How is he?"

Everyone looked down at Shinji's sleeping form. "He's fine, he's just resting."

There was another knock in the door. When it slid open Rei and the Inn manager entered. They crossed the tatami carrying a tray with a jug, some glasses and bowl of water with a wash cloth

"I thought you may need this." the manager said placing the items next to Yui.

"Thank you very much."

"Now are you sure you all will be fine on your own. My husband still has some concerns about you stay here in your own. One of us is more than happy to still with you."

"Oh no! Part of rental agreement was that we pay for holiday for you and your husband. I would feel bad if one of you had to stay."

Last night it was decided that no one would be allowed to go with Shinji alone to the Hanamaki Inn. The only possible solution was for everyone to go on the holiday with the poor boy. And then some how, someone suggested that if rented the entire resort it would be even better. It was lucky that Yui had Gendo's wallet before they hauled him away or they would have had to find another way to pay for everything.

"We'll be fine. It's not as if we are going to trash the place," Misato joked. Then someone fell through the screen door making light work of the bamboo and rice paper. Everyone looked at Touji as his blood began to flow onto the mats.

"Hentai stooge!" Asuka bellowed from the newly made opening with a broken broom stick handle.

"He said he was sorry, Asuka-chan. It was an accident," Hikari insisted as she appeared next to her, trying to prevent more beatings at the hands of her best friend.

"Purposely going through the luggage for women's underwear is not an accident!" She stalked forward wanting to inflict more punishment but someone else interrupted.

"Ok Pen-pen." The voice belonged to Kyoko and came from outside the window. Rei went to over and opened the blinds. The woman was on the roof on other side of the Inn. She was wearing the same skimpy swim suit as yesterday and held Pen-pen under one arm. "This is going to be so much fun!"

She leapt off the roof with one hysterical, panicking bird. His little flippers flapped as hard as he could, trying to fly. He knew it was hopeless to defy nature but he had to give it a go.

"WAAARRRKKK!"

They both landed in the hot spring below with a tremendous splash which caused half the water to empty from the pool. The entire area began raining the heated spring water from Kyoko swan dive from the roof of the inn.

"Just add to the credit card…" Yui smiled with a sweat drop.

LATER THAT EVENING

Shinji had slept through the whole day. He would have gone further if it wasn't for the cool evening breeze waking him. In just a plain t-shirt and some slacks, it didn't offer much protection. He sat up and looked at his surroundings. The room was dark but he could still make out things in the dim light. The thing that caught his notice was some patch work on the screen door.

"Where is everyone? I guess that they must have carried me here when I fainted…" he said aloud then getting up to walk around. He entered the hall way and the other guest rooms doors were closed. He politely knocked and checked each one, but no one was in sight.

"Strange where is everyone?" he decide to go downstairs to the reception and main entertainment area. As he walked down the stairs the sounds of muffled shouts could be heard. Everyone had been gagged and bounded. They all struggled against their rope bounds and began calling Shinji's name when he appeared.

"What the hell?"

"Hello Shinji… I'm glad to see that you are awake." He whipped his head around to voice. It belonged to Kyoko. She had changed from her swim suit attire to an elegant and traditional Japanese kimono. It perfectly hugged her body and curves. It didn't reveal anything yet seem to make her even sexier. Her hair was done up in a small bun except for with a few long bangs framing her lightly make up face. She slowly walked across the room just like a princess from feudal Japan.

"Kyoko-san?" Shinji couldn't believe his eyes. He always thought that Asuka's mother was quite attractive but right now she was just stunning.

"What do you think?" she lifted her arms and spun around once for him to see.

"Huh?" The older woman just giggled at his response. All her efforts had the desire effect on him.

"We flew over a small village nearby. I would like to go see it. Can you accompany me? It's not safe for a woman to be walk by herself in this day and age."

"But what about…" before he could finish talking, she quickly but gently latched onto his hand and began leading him out the front door. The other began to fight even more when they saw Shinji being lead away. Kyoko looked back at the restrained group and winked.

The village she spoke about was only a 15 minute walk away through a path way surrounded by the luscious forest. Kyoko traditional sandals made a soft clicking sound as the walked but she was having extreme difficulty walking, though she wasn't about to reveal that to Shinji.

It eventually got the better of her when the heel of the sandal rolled on a small rock. She lost balance and began to fall. Only Shinji's quick reflexes saved her from hitting the ground.

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

"Yes. Thank you." When she regained her balance she kept a hold on his arm and continued walking like a couple. He tried not to let her proximity get better of him and decided to talk about something.

"So… Ah… What happen to everyone back there?" he asked nervously.

"I didn't want them to disturb us from our little date. You understand don't you?"

"Oh I see. Well that's fair enough… WHAT! A DATE!"

"Of course…" His screaming didn't seem to bother her. "We are going to have a nice evening together and maybe afterwards..." She bent down and began whispering something in his ear which caused an instant nosebleed in the young man.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Hello again. Thanks for the reviews. I got a few stating some mistakes (I guessed I asked for that…) and to my surprise a few wanting Mana's head on spike. Some of you were guessing who would I pair with Shinji at the hot springs but I'm sure that you guys knew what was coming.

This chapter didn't really have anything happening. That's because I'm setting up for the next few.

Thanks for reading, wonga316


	8. Chapter 8

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 8

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

READING PROOF  
Lord Raa

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

HOT SPRING INN

Asuka was first to free herself. After she had seen her mother walk away with Shinji it more than pissed off the young red head. She managed to crawl her way to the ping pong table and use its legs to sever the rope around her wrists.

Still muttering a mixture of German and Japanese curses, she untied Hikari first. It wasn't long until everyone was free from their bonds.

"That bitch of a mother!" she cursed aloud. "I'm going to kill her when I catch her."

"Naoko get the kit from the VTOL," Yui ordered, having the same sentiments as Asuka. Although, she was aware of the agreement with her friend had to take Shinji out on a date it still didn't give her the right to hog tie and gag everyone.

"You brought that along as well?" Misato asked surprised.

"Of course, what sort of mother would I be if I wasn't prepared for any situation?"

"Oh, before I forget…" Naoko stopped walking out the door and told them what she had seen on the television earlier that afternoon.

"WHAT!" the word shouted by everyone echoed throughout the peaceful valley shattering the silence.

SMALL VILLAGE

Because Shinji was still holding his nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding, they had been delayed in reaching the village. It was almost like they had stepped back in time to feudal Japan. There didn't seem to be any electric street lights, instead traditional lanterns lit the streets. The roads weren't properly sealed. The buildings were little more modern were the only things that look out of place.

For a small village, it looked quite self sufficient. They had a couple of general stores, restaurants and a few bars.

"Doesn't this just look divine?" Kyoko asked with her arm still looped around Shinji's. "Don't you think the lanterns make everything feel romantic?"

"What?" his voice sounded irregular and nasal. He was still pinching it to try and stop and bleeding.

"That looks like a nice place, let's eat there." She began dragging him towards one of the restaurants. As they entered the premises, they were greeted by an elderly woman at the host desk.

"You must be staying at the inn in the forest" the host said, recognising the kimono. Often guest staying at the inn would dress up and come down to town. Kyoko just nodded politely.

"Please sit where ever you like." Kyoko surveyed the interior of the restaurant. It was a quiet night with only a few customers and they were spaced out from each other. She spotted a booth in the back corner which provide some privacy and would be prefect for her plans.

The host followed them to the booth and placed two sets of menu in front of them as they each took the sides of the booth. "Can I bring you something to drink?"

"Sake, please."

"And something for your son?" She assumed that Shinji was Kyoko son.

"Oh no. He's my lover," Kyoko corrected her and slid her foot along inside of Shinji's leg. Her touch surprised the poor boy and he almost leapt out of his seat.

"Oh I see…" she replied sounded shocked and embarrassed.

"No ma'am! It's not like that. She's just playing a joke," Shinji explained to the older woman. He turned back to Kyoko. "Tell her the truth, Kyoko-san."

All he got was her blowing a kiss at him across the table, which didn't help his argument.

"I'll just go get your drinks." The host quickly went away trying her best to not let the illicit and unsavoury relationship bother her.

HOT SPRINGS INN

Yui and her newly formed platoon had just finished equipping themselves. She, Naoko and Misato were discussing something with a map of the area laid out on the table tennis table.

"This is stupid!" Ritsuko adjusted the ammunition belt around her body. "I'm sure that Shinji is fine with Kyoko." After her words several weapons cocked and pointed directly in her direction.

"Hey I was just kidding!" she said quickly, making up for her comment. "Let's go save Shinji! Yee Ha!" she tried her best to sound as enthusiastic as the rest of the gun nuts.

"Hey Ken, what this thing?" Touji was wondering what the annoying switch on his machine gun. His hands were larger than most of the kids and it made it difficult from him to properly handle the weapon.

"Don't touch that…" Kensuke was too late as Touji flicked the safety switch on his gun; it accidentally discharged and blew a gapping hole in the nearest wall. The room adjoining was a sauna and steam began to bellow out. Pen-pen emerged in the hole after the steam. The warm water bird was pretty upset that his relaxing sauna was interrupted.

"WARK!" he gave them the penguin equivalent of the one finger salute. Then wrapped a towel around his body and waddled away.

VILLAGE RESTURANT

The hostess shortly returned with a sake bottle and two cups. Shinji tried his best to explain the situation again but she was more interested in getting away. It looked like she still held old fashion values and didn't really approve of relationships with such an age difference.

"Don't worry about her. How about you pour me some sake, Shinji-kun?" She waved her empty cup in front of him.

"Fine…" he sighed, giving in to her. It was better to get things done and over with quickly. As he began pouring her drink, she playfully tickled him with her foot again. But this backfired as it caused him spill the liquid over the front of her.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry." Shinji complete forgot that the accident was caused by her meddling and grabbed the nearest napkin. Without thinking he began patting her chest where the alcohol stained her dress. Kyoko quickly realised that Shinji had no other intension then to clean the mess and his actions had opened a door for her flirtation.

"I think you missed a spot," she advised him and took hold of his hand. With her other she pulled the napkin from his grasp. "Here let me show you. Did you know that traditionally underwear isn't worn with a kimono?" She gently guided his hand underneath the fold of her kimono.

"What… What are you doing?" he began to shake uncontrollable as fingers came in contact with her soft skin. All he got back was a moan from the older woman as she guided his hand from one side to the other.

"Tell me what sort of things you like in a girl?" she purred. But before she could fully enjoy the moment, he quickly yanked his hand free and sat back down, trying to get his heartbeat to regular rate again.

"I… I don't know what you mean…" He had difficultly looking her in the eye after what she had done. "I have to go the bathroom."

Shinji's favourite tactic was to retreat. Before Kyoko could say a word in protest, he had made a beeline to the sanctuary of the male toilets. As he hastily walked away, Shinji accidentally bumped into someone.

"Please excuse me." But his apology didn't work. The person he bumped into grabbed his shoulder, which made Shinji look up at him. He instantly recognised the man.

Kyoko was a patient person but it had been almost five minutes since she had scared Shinji to run off to the bathroom. She had already downed the bottle of sake and was onto her second. First she felt anger for making her wait then as a mother herself it turned to worry. She got up to check when something made her stop.

"Please we don't want any trouble. Just take the money." It was the hostess. She was busily emptying out the register for the group of heavily armed assailants standing at the front of the restaurant.

"You see what happens when we going around dressed like this!" Ritsuko was sick of explaining to people when they enter an establishment that it wasn't an armed robbery.

"Shut up and look around!" Misato snarled at her friend. She was sick of her constant whining and upset that she had let her guard down around Kyoko to let herself get tied up.

Ritsuko was about the snap back at her but Misato gave her shotgun a single pump. It was enough to shut up the blonde. Ritsuko knew Misato for a long time and wasn't entirely sure just how far she would go sometimes.

"I'm terrible sorry to interrupt your evening but I'm looking for my son. He's with an older woman and some people told us that they came here," Yui calmly asked the hostess who was half way through a heart attack. She managed to point to the booth where Shinji and Kyoko sat before collapsing onto the ground.

"Oh crap…" Kyoko only utter those sentiments as Yui's eyes locked onto her target. Yui shouldered her rocket launcher and was about to unleash a barrage when a loud scream followed by a sound of smashing glass interrupted her. She had heard it enough to recognise it to belong to her son.

"Shinji!" she quickly ran in the direction towards the scream. The restaurant toilets were located down a narrow corridor in the back of the restaurant. The male and female located next to each other. At the end of the corridor was a window. It had been smashed open; glass and wood fibres littered the floor.

Shinji looked up when his named was called to see mother standing in the corridor, armed liked she was going to declare war on a small nation.

"This is bad…" It was the last thing she heard from her son before the mysterious man threw Shinji out the broken window.

"SHINJI!" her heart skipped a beat as she watched his son disappear from sight.

"You have ruined me for long enough, woman! I'll have my revenge!" Gendo bellowed like madman before following Shinji out the window. Everyone rush up to see if they could catch sight of them but nothing.

Kyoko saw Gendo's appearance as a distraction and a good time to make her escape. She began tip toeing towards the front door, carefully avoiding the frighten patrons whom had hit the deck cowering.

She practically had one foot out the door then sound of a gun loading made her stop. Slowly turning around she came face to face with her daughter.

"Asuka dear... You wouldn't shoot your own mother would you?" Kyoko tried not to sound nervous. She knew that her daughter was more than capable of pulling the trigger.

"I was only doing this because I love you." After those words Asuka dropped the weapon and began walking towards her mother. Her head was down and her hair fallen over her eyes.

"See you understand. I was seeing if Shinji was good enough for my little princess." Kyoko breathed a sigh of relief as her words of persuasion seem to have worked.

"No…" Asuka stopped within an arms length of her mother. "I'm not going to shoot you… I'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER KILLING YOU WITH THIS!" the young girl screamed as she pulled out a bayonet and charged.

Mother and daughter fell to the ground. Asuka was on top going for Kyoko's jugular. It looked like the mother was using all her strength to stop her daughter. Each time the knife came down it only missed Kyoko's neck by mere millimetres.

"I think you're over-reacting just a little bit," Kyoko said while holding her knife wielding daughter by the wrists. "You borrow my perfume all the time so why can't I borrow your Shinji for just one night?"

But her words of reason didn't have the desired effect. All it did was make Asuka snarl and try harder to sever her head.

"Well if you are going to act that way, guess who won't be using my perfume any more!" Kyoko snarled back at her daughter.

"Touji! You have to stop them!" Hikari pleaded to the boy. Her strong sense of justice landed her the role of class representative and she continued that outside of school. She hated violence of any kind.

"That's the devil and its mother. Even if I had the backing of the God, Buddha, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Ultraman, I'd still get a beating."

Hikari just blinked at Touji's response, unaware what to make of it. She looked at Kensuke and Kawrou next.

"My parents always told me not to get involved in family squabbles," the bespectacled boy took a moment from putting up this signage for their betting racket to reply.

It had been quite a while since they had been able to profit from a punch up and the mother and daughter bout should prove profitable. "Although, Ultraman would give Asuka a good run for her money."

"Yeah. You gotta respect a man wearing a fish helmet and matching tights," Touji said backing up his friend.

"I'm a pacifist," Kaworu responded nonchalantly. He had no desire to involve himself in behavior that he considered barbaric. This was tad hypocritical since he was more than willing to go head to head with Shinji anytime.

HOT SPRING INN

"How did it go? Did you manage to find them?" Maya asked not look up from her laptop. The workaholic was busily putting the finishing touches to some of her reports. Since they had taken the VTOL, she was able to collect and analyse valuable flight data.

Hyuuga and Aoba had opted for table tennis. Pen-pen had joined them as the umpire. After Touji spoiled his moment in the sauna he didn't feel like going back. That and the fact that he could smell the delicious scent of game hen in the air. It was a definitely a sign that he had been there too long.

Yui stormed past them and way straight upstairs. Next through the door were Misato, Naoko and Ritsuko. Maya looked up this time. "What happen to you guys?"

The three women were covered in soot and dirty. Their hair and clothes a mess. It looked like they had all been fired from a cannon.

"What possessed you to let off that smoke grenade!" Ritsuko screamed at her mother. She was still rubbing her eyes from the smoke.

"What else was I suppose to do? I don't know about you but the idea of spending a night in police lock up doesn't appeal to me," her mother replied in a matter of fact tone.

Not long after Gendo made off with Shinji, someone had called the police and they arrived at the restaurant. When they saw how heavily armed everyone was they instantly assumed the worst and were going to shoot first and ask questions later.

"Could you imagine the sort of perverted thing they could have me do!" Naoko pretended to be scared. As thoughts of the pent up sexual frustration of prisoners and guards taking advantage of her raced through her mind.

"You've been whining all night." Misato was tried of Ritsuko's constant complaining. It didn't help that Shinji was still missing. "May be we should have let you get arrested and locked up, Ritsuko. That way you could have gotten laid and stop being a bitch all the time."

Her words caused Maya to blush and Naoko to start laughing.

"And your one to talk, Ms I haven't dated anyone since college. When did you finish college? That's right; it was almost six years ago," the blonde snapped back.

"I'll have you know that Shinji and I have a very active sex life," Misato replied casually. Her comment caused an awkward silence in the room. Everyone looked at her to see if she was joking but the smirk on her face didn't reveal anything. She just stood with a cocky grin knowing that she had got the last word.

The silence was broken by Asuka dragging in an oversized duffle bag along the ground; in tow were the rest of the children. There was obliviously something in bag and because it moved and made some ominous sounds. The movement and sounds stopped when Asuka delivered a couple a stiff kicks in the bag.

Maya looked and began counting the people. They were missing one. "Where's Kyoko-sensei?"

"You call that a kick? What sort of daughter did I raise?" surprisingly the bag spoke and moved again. The sound of her mother's voice sent Asuka on a rampage once again. This time she had full intensions of using her gun. It took Misato, Naoko and the children to hold her down and disarm her.

While this was all happening, Kyoko pulled herself out of the bag. She looked a little worst for wear but was still full of energy for someone who had been shoved into a body bag and tossed around on a dirty track.

"Would you look at this?" she sound upset as she looked at the rips in her kimono. "I really liked this kimono."

"It'll be here in ten minutes," Yui confirmed to someone on her cell phone as she walked back down the stairs. "That's fine. I'll waiting for it outside."

She hung up and walked directly back out the front, ignoring all the chaos that was happening. Everyone stopped what they were doing and slowly crept around to see what she had arranged. The distressed mother was standing in the middle of the yard and just looking up into the night sky. You could have sworn that an angry aura could be seen emanating from her body. For those who couldn't see it, you could definitely feel it.

"Rei," Naoko whispered to the young girl, "Go see what your mother is doing."

They were all scared of what Yui was capable of doing. When it came to her Shinji no one dared go up against her. The normally calm and loving mother had the power, determination and influences to flatten cities and destroy populations. Just being this close to her made everyone nervous.

"There are still many things I want to do before I leave this world, Akagi-san," Rei whispered back. "After I have done those things then perhaps…"

They watched Yui then light a few flares and thrown them around. Red smoke began to fill the area. Soon after that the tops of trees and bushes began to blow around as the sound of a helicopter could be heard above. The winds generated from there rotor blades also cleared the area of the flare smoke.

Suddenly something the size a giant shipping container fell from the sky and landed just a few feet away from on landing on top of her. It shook the ground and everything surrounding it. Some of the guys lost their balance and only Yui stood still.

A giant NERV emblem was painted on the container doors and a closer inspection proved it to not be an ordinary shipping container. Yui placed her hand on the scanner; it read her palm print and started unlocking the mechanism securing the container doors. The interior was climate controlled and the cold air turned into mist as it escaped.

Everyone continue to watch and wait to see what would happen next. Eventually, the only person who had the guts to confront her wasn't a person at all. Pen-pen squeezed through the packed doorway and waddle his way to the woman.

"Yeah good idea, send the bird."

"That penguin has some balls."

"I always thought penguins had a high intelligence?"

The comments from the peanut gallery continued as his little webbed feet flip- flopped towards Yui and the danger zone. He eventually got there and stood next to her in front of the delivery. The scene would almost be comical if Shinji wasn't kidnapped and missing.

Pen-pen turned his head and delivered a sharp peck to Yui's leg. Everyone gasped when it looked like he was attacking the borderline berserker mother. They all thought he had signed his death warrant and was heading for that big iceberg in the sky.

Yui did nothing and this prompted our brave penguin to peck her leg once again. Everyone winced again and prepared themselves for the worst. After the second peck, Yui looked down.

"What's the matter Pen-pen? Are you hungry?"

"Wark!"

Everyone face faulted, expecting a penguin massacre instead they got an abnormally calm Yui Ikari enquiring if the family pet has been fed his dinner.

DEEP IN THE FORREST

After Shinji was tossed out the window, he was expecting to land on the hard earth but two other men caught his body. A hood was quickly placed over his head so he would have no idea where he was being taken. They travelled for sometime before stopping he was placed on the ground and against what felt like a tree.

When the hood was removed, Shinji recognized the two other men being Fuyutsuki and Kaji.

"Hello," the captive boy deadpanned. He should have known that it was his father's cronies that carried him.

"How's it going Shinji?" Kaji said happily and slapped him on the back. "Did you get a good feel of Kyoko?"

"What?" his lewd and unexpected question shocked Shinji.

"We were watching the two of you for while and saw everything. I didn't think that you would have thought of spilling something down the front of her so you could cop a feel. I'm really impressed," the long haired man smiled genuinely.

"It wasn't like that!" he protested.

"Come on Shinji be honest, did she have a D cup? I have a bet with some of the guys in marketing. They reckon she's a late C size. No way man, it's an early D." He held his hands out in front of his chest to emphasize his point.

Shinji decided to tune out as Kaji continued his rant of Kyoko's chest size.

"Enough!" The single word from Gendo was enough to stop Kaji. "You two go stand watch."

Shinji watch the two other men walk away, just leaving him and Gendo. He didn't really have a close relationship with his father but they didn't hate each other either. His appearance led to an awkward moment between the two.

Shinji was first to speak. "Mum is going to be pissed you know."

"Your mother's feelings are irrelevant at this moment," his father replied while staring down at him. Shinji had to look away his stare that made the young man uncomfortable. "Everything is going according to my scenario. I will succeed."

"Dad's gone nuts again…" Shinji muttered under his breath.

The sound of people chattering close by got Gendo's attention.

"It appears that your mother has arrived." He grabbed his son by the back of the collar and began dragging him towards the source of the chatter. It was Ritsuko's team minus the blonde doctor herself, they desperately trying to explain to Fuyutsuki the reasons for taking the VTOL. The rest of the children were with Kaji.

"So you see we used one of Shinji's shirts as a guide for Pen-pen," Mana continued her explanation how they managed to find them so quickly. Yui blackmailed Pen-pen for his dinner to act as a police sniffer-dog and find Shinji. The bird had kept his end of the deal and now wanted his payment. When the goods weren't produced he opted to attacked Touji and Kensuke. He chased them around the area pecking at their behinds.

"Where is she?" Gendo shouted over the top of everyone's voice. Everyone stopped and just looked at him for a moment before continuing where they left off.

Annoyed at being ignored and disrespected, he shouted again. "Yui! If you don't show yourself…" he pulled Shinji up by the shirt with one arm with ease. Once again everyone looked at him for a moment and then continued talking among themselves.

"FINE!" fed up and frustrated, he dropped Shinji and picked up quite a large stick on the ground. He held it with both hands and pulled it above his head in readiness to strike his son.

The stick came down but stopped short of clobbering Shinji. An unusual high pitch whistle caught his attention. As it gradually got louder, everyone else in the immediate area dived for cover, just leaving Shinji and his Father out in the open.

As Gendo looked up into the night sky, the source of the whistling landed with a massive thud. It was cylindrical in shape and caused quite a crater in the earth. Dirt and dust kicked up into the air.

"Hand over Shinji and perhaps I'll consider letting you live," a voice spoke through the dust cloud. When it cleared, it revealed its owner – Yui Ikari. She was standing on top of the object. Apparently, she had ridden it all the way down from its drop. Two high beam spot lights shone down from the sky, lighting the area. It belonged to one of the borrowed VTOL from the NERV research lab.

(Hi, Shin-chan!) Misato's voice range through the on board speaker. (Aren't you happy that we all came to save you?) her voice was followed by someone fighting her for the microphone.

(Hey, Shinji!) Naoko had managed to get the microphone from her. (Misato says that you slept with her. Is that true?)

(What do you mean is that true? Are you calling me a liar?) Misato had regained the microphone. The VTOL began to move about erratically as a scuffle broke out onboard.

"This is great…" Shinji sighed.

Yui pulled out one of her patent wooden spoons and pointed it in a threatening manner at her husband. "Even a simple minded man like you should know when you are defeated. I have you precious VTOL and the N2 mine that you have been developing."

The call the she made earlier on was to get the experimental N2 mine dropped off at their location. The N2 was a new type of weapon of mass destruction with the bonus of no nuclear radiation contamination when detonated. No nuclear material is used and its original intension was to be used in mining and excavation. But Gendo saw the potential for military applications and pushed the development in secret.

"You're not going to detonate it. After all…" He picked up Shinji by the back of the shirt again. "I have your only weakness."

"Hi Mum," Shinji squeaked before being dropped down.

"If my Shinji is going to die then at least it'll be by my hands." With her other hand she clicked a small control pad and a timer on the bomb began to count down from sixty seconds. The inter working of the bomb also began to wind up.

"WHAT!" both Gendo and Shinji yelled.

"Don't worry Shinji… We will be going to a better place together…" She sat down on top of the N2 mine and waited for the impending explosion.

"Ha!" Gendo scoffed at his wife. "There is no way you'll kill yourself and everyone just to prove a point." The timer continued to count down. It now read fifty seconds.

Forty-five seconds.

Then forty seconds.

Gendo waited until thirty seconds before saying anything again. "You're bluffing! I bet that you haven't even armed the thing properly!" A hiss of steam exited from vents on the side of the bomb.

Twenty-five seconds.

Twenty seconds.

Now Gendo was starting to worry. He looked around to see the others have turned tail and run. Even Shinji began crawling away as quickly as possible.

Fifteen seconds.

Ten seconds.

"Ken, do something! Get this crazy bird off my arse!" The two stooges had perfect timing. They ran across the space between Gendo and the N2 mine. Kensuke was in front with Touji trailing. Pen-pen had managed to latch onto his behind. The whole bird jiggled up and down as he ran.

Five seconds.

Gendo gulped as beads of sweat began to run down his face.

Four seconds.

"Enough is enough! Switch it off!" Gendo shouted at his wife but she remained motionless.

Three seconds.

"Fine you win! I give up!"

Two seconds.

"DAMN IT YUI! TURN IT OFF!"

One second.

Gendo instinctively closed his eyes as the winding sound of the N2 mine reached its climax

WHACK!

The bomb's timer stopped at point zero one of a second. Shinji looked up from cowering position underneath a nearby shrub as the sound of the N2 mine began to wind down. His father was face down on the ground with a massive lump on his head. His sister Rei stood over him with a broken wooden spoon.

"Good work Rei sweetie." Yui leapt off from the top of the N2 mine and gave her daughter a hug. "But next time put more of your shoulder into it."

"Like this?" To Shinji's disbelief, the mother was passing onto the ancient art of wooden spoon fighting technique to the next female heir in the family.

"That's it. You can seriously hurt yourself if you incorrectly swing. Plus you get more power and that means you can inflict more pain."

HOT SPRING INN

"Ouch! That hurts!" Touji complained as Hikari was cleaning his wounds from his backside. He was currently lying on the floor of the main room with his half down. They only managed to get the penguin to release with the can of sardines as promised to him.

"I'm sorry but if you don't clean it properly, they'll get infected." There was a flash of a camera behind Touji which prompted him to get angry again.

"Ken! If that's you, you're a dead man!" His friend was with the other children making fun his situation.

The Kaji and Fuyutsuki were locked in an intense game of ping pong with the Ritsuko and her team as a captive audience.

Misato was drinking with Naoko and Kyoko around one of the kotatsu. They were trying to get Kyoko to spill the details on her date with Shinji by filling her up on sake.

Yui had stayed with Shinji after they returned from the battlefield victorious. It was such a nice night and she opted to sit out on the balcony. Shinji had fainted from a combination of disbelief and exhaustion. And like earlier she rested his head in her lap and hummed his favorite lullaby. Her jacket was draped over him in case he was cold.

"Don't worry Shinji… Your mother will never let anything happen to you…" She looked over to the stationary VTOL. Hogged tied to one of the turbines was her kill for the night. Gendo was still unconscious after being attacked from behind by Rei. The plan was to have Yui distract him long enough to have him submit and get Rei in position. There was no risk of the mine detonating since she had altered the timing program to purposely stop at point zero one of a second.

"Today has been a good day…" she smiles as she recounted day's events and thought of more punishment for her husband. She had proven her point and got her son back safely but there was still her desire for revenge to be satisfied.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Hi everyone. So here we are again, more of my useless ramblings.

The first thing is I have to give special thanks for Lord Raa. He offered some good ideas and lines in this chapter.

Second is for Arm-Slave. After reading your reviews, it made me realize that the summary can be a little misleading. All I can say is that after the holiday at the hot springs, the guys will get back to school.

I also got quite a few wanting more Shinji and Kyoko action so I hope the little scene in the restaurant didn't disappoint too much. But don't worry, the next chapter will see Shinji get into a few sticky situations in the women's section of the hot springs. So hopefully there will be something for everyone.

Oh, I forgot to apologies if any of the characters are OOC but it's a crazy AU which isn't supposed to be taken seriously and it's really hard to write funny stuff with all the guys acting normally. My aim was just a bit fun for everyone.

Once again, thanks for reading and reviewing

Wonga316

PS – it's really hard to keep everyone happy ;)


	9. Chapter 9

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 9

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

MSN MESSENGER  
Wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

HOT SPRING INN

The warmth of the early morning sun woke Shinji from his slumber. He sat up from his futon and rubbed his eyes. His window was open and the wonderful sounds of the forest could be heard. These things put him in a good mood. But as we all know, good things never last long for Shinji.

"Time to get up baka!" Suddenly door to his room was shoved opened with enough great force that it nearly came off its rails. The voice belonged to Asuka and practically killed happy mood he was in.

"Good morning," he sighed. His less than enthusiastic response prompted her to walk over to him.

"What's the matter with you?" her voice was a mixture of annoyance and concern. She placed her forehead against his. It was a trick that her mother used when she was sick to check her temperature.

"What are you doing?" Shinji panicked at her proximity and immediately backed away from her. Asuka just rolled her eyes.

"Come on, out of bed."

She pulled the covers away from him. What she got she didn't expect and neither did Shinji. The young man didn't have time to notice the he was completely naked under his sheets.

"Wait! It's not what you think!" Shinji quickly covered his private parts with his hands and tried to explain.

Asuka blinked once and shook her head, trying to register what she was seeing. She blinked again and shook her head in the same fashion. Then the eruption came.

"BAKA HENTAI!" A swift kick sent the naked Shinji flying across the room. There was enough force behind Asuka's drop punt that he went to the rice paper wall into the next room. As fate would have it Mana was getting changed and currently bending over adjusting her panties. Her skirt was up around her waist and Shinji landed face first right between her cheeks.

Both parties were dazed on confused from the collision. They didn't even realised what had happen. Asuka stormed through the gap that Shinji made and she was definitely pissed off now. The way he was entangled with Mana, there were no words could explain or save him.

"Come on Asuka dear. Yui has made a delicious breakfast for everyone." Kyoko had perfect timing. She was just passing by and grabbed Asuka by the back of her shirt before anymore pain or damaged could be inflicted.

The mother continued to drag her kicking and screaming daughter down the stairs to the main dinning room. Kyoko was right, the sight of the table full of food made Asuka stop. She promptly sat down and began eating. Ritsuko and her team were already present as well as Fuyutsuki and Kaji.

"Asuka?" Yui's head popped around from the kitchen. "I forgot to mention that Shinji might not be wearing any clothes." She left out that minor detail when she asked the young girl to go get the other children.

When everyone retired for the night, she carried Shinji to her room. Apparently, someone suggested that they conduct a full body check for any injuries on Shinji again.

"It's a little late for that…" the young red head huffed before devouring the food in front of her.

"Quick, Naoko! Head him off!" The voice belonged to Misato and came from up stairs. It was followed by the sound of feet thumping down the stairs with great speed. The person running down the stairs was Shinji. Apparently, Misato had seen when him in Mana's room and wanted in on some of the action. His naked body was like a blur. It was followed by Misato in her usually skimpy sleep wear and a lasso rope.

Naoko was next to down the stairs. Her weapon of choice was an over size net and Mana rounded off the trio. She chased him waving a towel in the air trying to get him to cover up.

"Is that today's paper?" Kaji asked Fuyutsuki. All he got from a grunt from the older man from the newspaper.

"Can I have the funnies?"

LATER THAT DAY

Eventually Shinji managed to lose his pursuers. He figured that if he could run for long enough, their hunger would get the better of them. His gamble paid off and now he could enjoy some of his holiday at the hot springs.

He was carrying his bucket of towels and other items he would need to use the inn's hot springs. As he made his way from his guest room to the bathing area and inn was suspiciously quiet. Assuming that everyone was off doing their own thing, he didn't think much of it.

Shinji pulled back the curtain to the entrance and sight before him was stunning. The hot spring was everything and more than what he expected it to be. The entire area surrounding the pools themselves was purposely landscaped in a way that it kept its natural beauty and still practical for human access. Smaller and larger waterfall features were situated in the back and the sound of running water only added to the calming effect. The ground was neatly paved which allowed ease of access to every part of the area.

"Hello? Is anyone here?" Shinji called out into the mist. He had a feeling that this was too good to be true and expected some outrageous to come and hit him in the face. But all he got was silence which was a good sign for him.

He walked over to the shower area disrobed and began wash himself down before entering the pool. As he began pouring the cool water over himself, he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him. Shinji quickly turn around and check but there was nothing.

"Must be my imagination…" he said to himself. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped his waist and a pair of flesh globes pushed up against his back.

"I'll give you something to get your imagination worked up about…" Misato whispered in the young man's ear as she rubbed her naked body against his back.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Shinji screamed in fear and shock. He quickly got himself out of her arms and scampered away with his hands covering his privates.

"What are you doing here and…" he only then noticed that Misato was really naked and sitting on her knees only a few feet away from him.

"And… and… Put something on!" He grabbed his robe and threw at her.

"What am I doing here?" Misato quickly swatted the article of clothing that Shinji threw at her and began crawling on all fours towards him. Shinji could help but be hypnotised by the way certain parts of her body swayed as she silky prowled closer to him. "You're the one who came into the women's bath."

"What! You're in men's!"

"I think you are mistaken Shinji." Shinji looked towards the source of the other voice. It was Kyoko. She was already in the water reclining with her arms spread up on the ledge of the paving.

"Cover yourself before you give baka Shinji a heart attack." Asuka threw a wet towel and this time it smacked Misato straight the face. She walked over to cowering boy and grabbed his hand. Luckily for him she had wrapped a towel around her body.

"Asuka? What?" he muttered still confused and in shock. The truth was that he was trying to erase the mental image to Misato prowling towards him in all her glory.

"Get in," she ordered, dragging him to the water's edge.

"Huh?" he said trying not to stare at her curves. His answer just made her roll her eyes.

"You're already here so you might as well stay." With her right foot she pushed his bare butt and he went face first into the water with a splash. When he righted himself up he was surrounded by all the girls staying at the inn. His mother and sister were one side of the pool washing Pen-pen. Ritsuko and Maya were mulling over had her laptop near the water's edge. Hikari and Mana enjoyed a pleasant chat close to by. Kyoko was where she was when she first spoke and Naoko was acting weird. She wasn't enjoying the water but carry an armful of timber. But the timber was the last thing he was concern about. There just too much skin and flesh for him to take and he fainted.

"Great! You killed him, Misato," Asuka complained as she watched Shinji begin to sink to the bottom of the hot spring. "You see what happens when someone sees your sagging ti…"

Before she could finish, the older woman crashed tackled her from behind into the water. Rei had watched the seen unfold the quickly dived into the stopped her brother from drowning. She pulled him back to the surface and he began spluttering water.

"Shinji sweetie…" Yui said in a motherly tone as she continued to scrub the family pet penguin. "You have to learn to control yourself. You can't keep fainting when you see a little bit of skin. What's going to happen when you get a real girlfriend?"

"Give him a break." Kyoko had moved from her spot and right up behind Shinji. The poor lad was still trying to expel the water from his lungs.

"Shinji showed some self control last night." She pulled his head between her breasts.

"How about we continue where we left off last night?" She looked down to the boy's head wedged between her sizable melons.

WHACK.

Rei caught Shinji from drowning again as Kyoko clutched her top of her head in pain from the Yui attack.

"If I didn't know better…" The mother's eyebrow twitched. "It looks like you were trying to corrupt my pure and innocent little Shinji."

"I did more than corrupt! We did it every way possible from here to Sunday!" The redhead's mother yelled to the twin's mother. No-one had a clue what her expression really meant but they got the underlying message. Kyoko got out of the water and flashed her arse at Yui.

"That's right! I rode Shinji real good!" She slapped her arse cheek to ridicule and further incite the enraged Yui. "Come and get it!"

"KYOKO NO BAKA!" the mother of two gave chase with her deadly spoons. Asuka and Misato stopped their feud and joined the pursuit. They too didn't take to kindly to Kyoko's words and what they implied.

"What is she doing?" Shinji wasn't referring to the human car chase going around him but Naoko. She was at the entrance of the hot springs nailing planks of wood she was carrying across it with a hammer.

"Akagi-san is merely completing her plan," Rei answered

"What plan?" he asked his sister. She went on to explain how she thought it was a good idea to make some changes to the hot spring setup. She had removed the wall dividing the springs into men's and women's. She thought it too small when split up. So she made the new, improved and larger hot spring for the women.

"So what are we suppose to use?" Shinji asked wanting to know what the male staying at the inn would use as a hot spring.

"She was thoughtful enough to create temporary facilities for your friends and father." Rei didn't think that she had to tell him that the temporary facilities were an inflatable kiddie pool filled with last nights dish water after washing up. "But it was decided that you would be the only male allowed to bath here."

"So why is she barricading the door?" he looked up from his sister to see the woman was gone and the entrance completely blocked.

"That's so we don't get interrupted. We have a lot to go through." Naoko was now standing on the other of the pool behind on the ledge. Shinji was amazed at the speed she moved without him knowing it. In her hands was a thick book. She opened it and ripped off the towel around her, revealing herself to him.

"I think we can skip the first few chapters and get to the good stuff…" Naoko began reading aloud from the Karma Sutra and walking towards a now nose bleeding Shinji. Rei thought it would help a little by covering her brother's eyes but it did little as the older woman began elaborating on various positions from her favourite book.

"Wark!" Pen-pen was annoyed that no had finished giving his coat its scrubbing. The soap suds had end up in his eyes and he waddled aimlessly around.

Kyoko was too busy yelling abuse at her chaser to notice that the bird wandered into her path. They collided with the impact liken to two semi trailers hitting each other. The slippery paving made it difficult for Yui and the others to stop and avoid the accident ahead. They just added to the pile up.

Just to make things worst, the men had discovered that they had been swindled from the real hot spring facility. Well, that was the excuse they were using to try and get into the women's bath to sneak a peek. The timber boards were starting to give way as their hands continue to beat against them.

LUNCH TIME

Everyone was at the main table enjoying a light lunch that Yui and the mothers had whipped up something quickly. No one really had the energy to make anything special, after their dip in hot springs. The water made everyone sleepy and they all wanted to take it easy for the rest and take it easy for the rest of the day. That was everyone except for Shinji.

The men were giving him death glares from across the table. After they found out that Shinji was alone with all the women in the springs, the green-eye monster in them came out.

The girl's weren't helping things either. They were constantly arguing, bickering and another else that involved some sort of conflict over their favourite fourteen year old.

"What's the matter Shinji?" His mother had noticed that he wasn't eating, just picking away at his salad.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing." He didn't want to make things any more uncomfortable for himself than there were.

"He's probably unable to eat after looking at the both of you." Asuka's snide remark was aimed at Misato and Naoko. "God… I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it."

The comment caused Misato to smash down her can of beer. It had enough force behind it to shake everything on the table. Her eyes burned and she was about the launch a counter attack but stopped. Instead she just smiled back.

"What are you grinning at?" The smug look on Misato's face was starting to annoy the half German girl.

"I'm just thinking about the future and it made me happy. I was going to wait to tell you all when everything was right but now is just as good as any other." Misato stood up and placed her hands around her abdomen. "I'm pregnant and Shinji's the father."

There was absolute silence for about five seconds as her words registered in everyone's head. Then total chaos broke loose.

Shinji couldn't believe what he was hearing or seeing. Kaji immediately leapt from his seat and threw himself across the table. His body skidded along the table, sending plates and food everywhere.

"I told you that Katsuragi was mine!" Kaji seethed as he grabbed Shinji by the front of his shirt. "Do think that I hang around your father and involve myself in his crazy schemes because I enjoy it?"

"I didn't do anything!" Shinji pleaded. He was then grabbed by another pair of arms and placed in a headlock.

"Damn Shinji! You're the man!" Touji squeezed harder as Kensuke continued to take photos. "Ken and I suspected that you and she were doing it. Why didn't you tell us!"

"We wanted to keep it a secret for a while and just enjoy for ourselves. I'm sorry that we had to deceive everyone," Misato apologised while still rubbing her stomach.

The news was too much of a shock for Mana. She had fainted and Hikari was waving a handkerchief, trying to give her some fresh air.

"OH MY GOD!" Yui screamed on the top of her lungs. She wrenched Shinji out of the clutches of Touji's headlock and pulled her son into a huge hug. "I'm so proud you Shinji! I'm going to be a grandmother!"

Asuka just watched everything unfold in front of her; Shinji struggling for air from the motherly bear hug, Kaji and the other two stooges had gotten themselves in some sort of idiotic argument and her best friend was still trying to revive Mana. Her eyes then rested on Misato. She was being showered by words of congratulations from Naoko and Kyoko. Asuka's hand tightened around the carving knife she grabbed from the table after Kaji swan-dove across it. She didn't know who to gut first

"You know…" Ritsuko said aloud in a nonchalant manner. She was leaning with one elbow on the table to support her head. "If Misato was really pregnant then she wouldn't be drinking beer like it was going out of fashion."

Everyone stopped fighting after Ritsuko's words of wisdom. They looked over to the purple haired woman who was in the middle of a toast with the two older women.

WHACK

Yui was first to act. She had thrown Shinji aside and slapped the beer out of Misato's hand.

"What do you think you're doing!" The mother yelled at Misato. "That's my grandchild you're bearing! You're coming with me!" She grabbed Misato by the back of the shirt and began dragging her away.

Ritsuko face faulted into the table.

"You fools!" The blonde doctor yelled at everyone. "I meant that Misato can't possible be pregnant."

"I'm not taking any chances! Maya ready the VTOL." She looked down at Misato. "You're coming with me to get an ultrasound."

It was oblivious that Yui wasn't listening and Ritsuko slapped her forehead in frustration.

"Don't worry about the ultrasound… because I'll perform the abortion here and now!" Asuka lunged at Yui and Misato only be tackled to the ground by Naoko, Aoba and Hyuga.

"Dr. Akagi," Rei called for the doctor from her brother's side. Apparently when Yui was overwhelmed with concern for her unborn grandchild, she lost total disregard for her son. Yui had thrown him face first into the door frame and now Rei was nursing a growing lump on his head. "My brother requires some medical attention."

"That's settled then! Rei and Ritsuko will look after Shinji and we're going." She continued to drag Misato along the ground kicking and screaming; not because she didn't want an ultrasound but the fact that she didn't get to finish her beer.

"Don't you think that you're over reacting?" It looked like Kyoko was about to be the voice of reason. "Misato's womb is probably like the insides of a beer keg. I'm willing to bet that baby has a ninety proof alcohol blood."

WHACK

"If I hear anyone bad mouth my grandchild I'll make them pay! You understand!" Yui snarled at her friend and neighbour after clobbering her. "Now let's go."

Yui continue to drag the expectant mother to be to the front of the inn where the VTOL units were parked. As they walked up the gantry they spotted Gendo tied on to the casing of one of the turbines.

"Is that where uncle was?" Misato mused while being hauled along by Yui. "I thought we were missing someone."

"UNTIE ME THIS INSTANT!" Gendo yelled and struggled against the ropes holding him down to the aluminium and carbon fibre shell and the VTOL engine. The poor man had woken up sometime early in the morning. His shouts and pleas for help went unanswered. The mid day sun had given him a really nice tan and he had almost shouted himself hoarse.

"YUI! I SWEAR! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS!" his words were slowly droned out by the gradually increasing whine of the VTOL engine. As the outer shell where Gendo was tied to begin to heat up from engine thrust, he began to panic and struggle even harder.

WHACK

Yui had walked back out to where her husband tied and delivered another blow.

"You just sit there and behave yourself! Our grandchild's health is at stake and all you can do is think about yourself?"

"Grandchild? What on earth are you talking about! You've been out drinking with the girls again. I'VE BEEN STRUNG HERE LIKE BUZZARD FEED AND YOU'RE BEEN GETTING DRUNK!"

WHACK

"You just don't listen!"

WHACK

"What the hell was that for!" Gendo had expected the first two clubs but the third wasn't warranted.

"Just in case…" her threatening words trailed off as she disappeared back up the VTOL gantry.

LATER THAT DAY – AFTERNOON

Shinji woke up and found himself back in his room. He had gotten used to blacking out and then waking up in bed. He just thanked God that he was still dressed this time. Shinji touched his head where it hurt and found that someone had wrapped a bandaged around him. The whole inn was eerily quiet, just like this morning. He had learnt his lesson and this time was more cautious walking around.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Shinji turned around to meet the speaker. It was the last person he wanted to see after getting knocked out.

"What do you want Nagisa?" Shinji almost demanded. "Where is everyone?"

"Your mother actually did take off in that helicopter thing of yours and the other decided to go into town to check the sights."

Shinji didn't want anything else to say to the boy and turned around to go back to his guest room. He figured with everyone out he could get some time to relax on his own.

"I'm about to try out the sauna. You wanna come along?"

Shinji stopped and gave Kaworu a strange look. Normally, they would be at each other's throats and his invitation was something out of the blue.

"It's not like I'm asking you to become my best friend. It's just boring in there on your own."

"Fine… But this better not be one of you stunts," Shinji warned him.

"Yeah… Whatever." Kaworu shrugged off the threat and continued on his way to the inn's sauna room. Shinji went back to his room and changed. He returned downstairs and entered the sauna.

Kaworu was already in there and currently laying down on one of the benches. He had a towel around his waist and one over his face.

The sauna room was relatively new, like the décor around the hot springs. In fact through the hot damp air you could still make out the faint sound of lacquer paint used for the wooden walls and benches.

"Are you just going to sit there and gawk all day?" Kaworu asked without moving from his position.

"Shut up." Shinji went out and sat down on the opposite side.

There was a moment of silence as they enjoyed the sauna's heat cleanse each of they bodies. Shinji was almost at the point were could say that he was truly enjoying himself when Kaworu had to spoil it for him.

"Hey, Ikari let me ask you something…" he spoke up through his towel.

"What?" Shinji tried not to sound like he was getting to him.

"Are you gay?"

"WHAT!" The question forced him to his feet.

"Are you deaf as well? Do you want me to repeat myself?" Kaworu sat up and let the towel fall from his face. It revealed the smirk that Shinji always hated. "I know that you wouldn't have the balls to nail Katsuragi and by the way you avoid all the female attention leads me to believe that you prefer the company of men."

"You better shut your mouth before I shut it for you," Shinji threatened.

"You were always quick to jump into a fight; even when we were little kids," Kaworu remained cool and spoke calmly. "But I'm not here to fight. I just want you answer the question – Are you gay?"

"Of course not! What sort of question is that!" Shinji sat back down but was still pissed.

"What do say we make this interesting? I propose a bet to settle thing once and for all? If you prove to me that you are not gay by the midnight tonight then I'll stay away from your sister."

"I think the heat in here has gotten to your head," Shinji sneered at Kaworu's proposal. "In any case, I'll beat the living day lights out of you if you hurt her."

"If you win then I'll stay away from your sister. But if you fail then I can see your sister whenever I like and you won't be able to interfere," the pale skinned boy ignored Shinji's threat and continued.

"Are you serious? You'll stay away from Rei?" Shinji was slowly warming to the idea. He saw it as a way to get Kaworu out of his life without having to resort to violence which would upset Rei and her mother.

"We hate each other's guts but I know that you know that I'm not a liar."

"You're on." Shinji had agreed to their bet. He figured that it should be easy to prove his heterosexuality before midnight. All he had to do was take up the first girl that offered their services to him like they would usually.

Their little chat was interrupted by the sound of the VTOL landing. Shinji used it as an excuse to leave the sauna. He didn't want to spend more time in there with Kaworu than he had to.

He walked outside just as the engines of the VTOL were dying down. They were replaced by the sounds of someone crying. The cabin door to the aircraft slid open and out stepped Misato and his mother. The younger woman was holding and consoling Yui who was the one crying.

"Mum! What's wrong!" Shinji was immediately concerned when he saw that it was his mother crying her eyes out.

"Oh, Shinji!" She ran towards her son and pulled him into a fierce hug. Shinji held her as she cried onto his shoulder. He looked up to see Misato approached.

"What happened?" he whispered to Misato.

"Well you see…" Misato held a goofy grin and scratched the back of her head.

"I'M NOT GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER! WAAAAAAAAAAA!" The mother cried on the top of her lungs and a faucet of tears poured out of both eyes.

"She really had her sights set on becoming a grandmother," Misato told Shinji what happen and how her little joke got a little bit carried away.

"You should have known better Misato-chan," Shinji said, almost angry with her. His words caused her eyes to well up with tears. A few small sniffles was just a prelude of what was to come.

"WAAAAAAAA! SHINJI HATES ME! WAAAAAAA!" Misato followed Yui's example in collapsing on her knees and crying a faucet of tears.

"Help…" Through the women's cries Shinji was able to somehow the pleas of someone in pain. He looked back up at the VTOL to see a body strapped to one of the turbines. He gently released his mother and went over to investigate.

"Jesus dad… What did they do to you this time?" Shinji ask his father. He was suffering sunburns on top of wind rashes on top of frost bite. Somehow he had managed to live throughout the ordeal and this stay attached to the VTOL. A few stray feathers from bird strikes were also evident.

"Please…" Gendo whispered just barely audible to his son. Shinji crouched down closer to listen better.

"Please… Kill me…" Shinji began cutting his father down.

"Damn… Mum really put you through ringer this time…" He swung his father's arm over his shoulder and began carrying him towards the inn.

"SHINJI!" His mother screamed her voice full of panic. "Look out it's the gorilla!" Through her tears she was seen the outline of Gendo and then remembered the news broadcast that Naoko told her.

"Get away from my son!" She charged with her spoon failing.

"Mum wait!" but Shinji's pleas fell on deaf ears.

WHACK.

Yui had delivered a blow which sent Gendo back and face first into the dirt.

"BAD GORILLA!" Misato followed up with one of her super kicks. Gendo rolled like a soccer ball towards the tree line behind the VTOL units. His body smacked into a tree with such force that it snapped it like a twig.

"Misato One. Gorilla Zero!" she posed with a V for victory formed with her fingers.

"We're back everyone!" Kyoko announced from the path leading into the wood and the village. She stepped over Gendo's body and walked towards to Shinji and the others.

"We brought some watermelon." She held up string shopping bag carrying two of the round fruit.

"Oh goodie!" Misato cheered. "That's just what I need after scoring the winning goal."

"What goal! What are you talking about! That was my father!" Shinji couldn't believe what he was seeing. One moment his mother and Misato were emotional wrecks and the next they both delivered telling blows which more than likely sent his old man to the other side.

"Don't worry Shin-chan." His mother pulled him into another hug. "We took care of that bad gorilla so you don't have to be scared anymore."

She had completely forgotten about the loss of her grandchild. Shinji just sighed, knowing that trying to talk some sense into her now would be pointless.

"Dude, do you think he's dead?" Touji used his foot to nudge Gendo's lifeless body.

"Good point." His spectacles wearing friend knelt down next t the body and began turning his pockets inside out. "Hurry and help me check his pockets. Shinji's old man is loaded. This might be out chance get out of the bookmaking business."

LATER THAT DAY – EVENING

The rest of the day went pretty much as the start expect for one difference. None of the girls were paying much attention to Shinji. This wasn't a bad thing. Normally he would kill to get a moments peace without having some female jumping out and particularly wanting to have their way with him. The real problem was the bet he had with Nagisa. He had banked on one of the girls coming to him, let nature takes it course and then he would win the bet. But it wasn't happening.

Everyone enjoyed the watermelon together peacefully. Shinji would look between to the two main trouble makers – Asuka and Misato. They were both just watching the scenery and hadn't said a word for a while.

'What's going on! Are they teasing me? Even Kyoko and Naoko haven't tried to tease me yet… Something is up…'

When Shinji eyes meet with Kaworu he would remind him that the clock was ticking by tapping his wrist. It didn't help the situation or his frustration levels.

But if he learnt one thing from this bet it was how difficult it was to talk to the opposite sex. Whenever he would think up something to say, he would think what a reason why he shouldn't. He kept telling himself that it was too corny or lame.

Soon at was dinner time and he was still no closer to winning the bet. After dinner, they were all playing table tennis until Naoko dragged everyone in front of the karaoke machine. The strong smell of sake on the woman's breath and the empty bottles around the floor near the stage told everyone that they weren't going to get out of it.

First up was Yui. Shinji and Rei quickly looked for escape routes from the embarrassment but it was too late.

"I'll like to dedicate this… HICCUP… sing-song to my HICCUP… grandchild who never got to live…" She had been drinking with her friends and it was obvious that it wasn't a sample that she'd had.

The title of the song appeared on the title of the monitor – Cruel Angel's Thesis

_Young boy, like a cruel angel's thesis,  
__Live up to be a legend..._

_Even though clear blue winds  
__Beat on the door of my heart,  
__You just smile, looking straight at me  
__Too involved in yearning for  
__Something to hold on  
__The innocent eyes still no nothing of fate yet._

_But someday you will notice  
__On those shoulders of your  
__There are strong wings  
__To guide you to the far future._

_A cruel angel's thesis  
__Will someday fly high from the window  
__If memories are betrayed by  
__The overflowing, burning pathos (emotions).  
__Young boy, shine like a legend,  
__Holding the sky in your arms._

_The cradle of love that sleeps within me  
__There will be a morning that  
__A servant of dreams will come for you.  
__The moonlight shines on your thin neckline.  
__I'd stop time in this world  
__And lock it away for myself, but..._

_If there is any meaning  
__In the fate that pulled us together,  
__Then I am, yes, the Bible  
__That teaches you of freedom._

_A cruel angel's thesis  
__And then sorrow comes forth  
__When the shapes of the dreams you hold in your arms  
__Come to life within you.  
__Young boy, who shines brighter than anyone else,  
__Rise to become a legend._

_People weave together love to create history  
__And so I live on,  
__Unable to become a goddess..._

_A cruel angel's thesis  
__Will someday fly high from the window  
__If memories are betrayed by  
__The overflowing, burning pathos (feelings).  
__Young boy, shine like a legend,  
__Holding the sky in your arms. _

After she finished her near prefect rendition, the peanut gallery applauded. It was actually just the drunk older female peanuts that cheered.

"That was awesome Yui!" Kyoko said. "Do it again. Huh? What's wrong?" Her friend noticed that she looked like she was about to start crying.

"I… I….HICCUP…." Yui paused for a moment. "I REALLY WANTED TO HAVE A GRANDCHILD! WAAAAAAAA!"

She cried into the microphone and everyone clutched the side of their heads to block out the deafening noise

"Misato! Do something!" Ristuko shouted at her friend over the ear piecing cry.

"You know how emotional she is when she gets on the drink! In any case, it's just a phase she's going through. Yui will get over the whole grandmother thing by tomorrow."

"This was your fault to begin with so you fix it!" The blonde snatched the beer can away from her friend. "You're not getting this back until you make her stop!"

"Hey! Give that back!" Ritsuko held Misato's precious alcohol away from her and used a foot on the drunkard's face to force her back.

"Fine!" Misato gave up and turned to the crying mother. "It's Uncle Gendo fault that you don't have a grandchild!"

"Gendo?" Yui instantly stopped crying and looked at Misato.

"Ah huh," she nodded with her ears still ringing.

"Baka Gendo?" Yui asked again. Everyone just nodded. Rei approached next to her with a wooden spoon.

"Thank you sweetie." She took her favourite weapon.

"GENDO NO BAKA! DIE!" And then charged upstairs to guest room where Gendo was recovering from his injuries.

Shinji looked up at a clock hanging above the doorway. It read ten thirty. He had an hour and thirty minutes left to win the bet he had with Kawrou. He looked over at Kawrou who just grinned. Shinji felt he had left it too late. He looked around the room and his eyes set on Mana and scooted across the floor to her

"Hey Mana."

"Oh, hi Shinji." She replied trying not to sound surprise and nervous by his presence.

"I was wondering if you…"

"Hey Mana! Let us sing a duet!" Hikari interrupted him. She grabbed Mana's hand and pulled up on the small stage.

"Damn…" he muttered under his breathe as Kawrou suppressed a snigger after watching the whole thing.

"Has anyone seen Naoko?" Kyoko asked, wondering where her partner in crime was. She was around when the singing started but now was missing.

Maya had notice some strange lights and noises coming from the table tennis room. She went to investigate and found the missing scientist underneath the table soldering some electrical components together. She had a protective goggles on which didn't help the maniacal laughter coming from her.

"I'm a genius!" she laughed, holding her invention in front of like a madman.

"It looks like Akagi Sempai is busy at the moment…" Maya reported to the group with a sweat drop.

"We better not bother her so let continue with the singing!" Kyoko announced to the group like a leader rallying her troops. And so the singing continued.

Eventually, it looked like everyone was sung out. The time was quarter to twelve and Shinji was running out of time. With each minute to went by Kawrou's grin grew bigger and bigger. It was like every time Shinji tried to start something with one of the girls but they were either pulled away to sing a song or had to go to the bathroom or were too drunk to be coherent

"I've had enough." Asuka yawned. "I'm going to bed."

"Yeah… It is late." Hikari agreed and began to head off up stairs

Shinji watched as his opportunities were leaving out the door.

"Just a minute." Asuka and Hikari had walked straight into Naoko who blocked the doorway. "Are you all going to bed without having played one of the most traditional games?"

She walked into the middle of the group and slammed the empty sake bottle that she was working on earlier.

"We're too young to drink Akagi-san." Kensuke's comment earn him slapped across the head from the woman.

"Silly boy! I'm talking about spin the bottle."

"What fun do you get from spinning a bottle?" Touji asked and he got a slap as well.

"You guys really are thick…" She went on to explain to them who one spins the bottle to find out who they kiss.

Shinji looked back up at the clock and found that he only had five minutes left. This was the last chance that he would get.

"Alright! I'm in!" He announced and grabbed the bottle. Everyone looked at each other because it was uncharacteristic of Shinji to be so bold. He spun the bottle without everyone gathered around but since they were all pretty much in a circle it didn't matter.

"What are you doing?" Kyoko muttered to her friend who introduced the idea. "This wasn't part of the plan and she's going to really pissed."

"Relax and I'm changing the stupid plan." Naoko whispered back.

Everyone stayed and watched the bottle spin and spin around. Shinji had mistakenly put on big spin.

"This is stupid! I'm going." Asuka and continued her way out.

"Asuka wait!" Shinji's words caused her to stop.

'He wants me to stay? Does that mean he want me?' she thought as she froze on the spot. Asuka turned her head and saw that the bottle was slowing down. She held her breathe when it looked like it was going to stop with her but someone slammed her foot on the floor which caused the bottle to move again.

"What? Did you think I was going to let you have my Shin-chan?" Misato was the culprit. Asuka knuckles begin popped and crack as she stalked her way towards to the purple haired woman.

"Wait!" Kyoko arm shot out in front of her daughter. She was telling her that the bottle was about the stop again. And it did and this time in front of Mana.

"What? Does she mean?" the green eye girl said with a quiver. "Shinji, I…"

"It's alright Mana… I…" but before he could finish.

"Wait! It's spinning again." Naoko shouted. Everyone looked at the object in the middle of the room and it hadn't moved.

"Just give me a minute." She said quickly and turned around from everyone. Naoko began thumping a control pad with her hand. When that didn't work she placed it on the floor and started jumping up and down on it. Suddenly some diodes in the bottle began to light up and it moved again. This time erratically and not like a spinning bottle should.

"Ok, there we go." She sat back down and made no attempt to hide the controller for bottle.

The bottle jerked and twisted around. As it landed on each girl they either cheered or blushed but the bottle start up again.

"That thing has landed on me at last twice!" Misato was starting to loose her patience with the continuing spinning bottle. She turned to Naoko and grabbed her shirt. "Your stupid bottle says I'm kissing Shinji! So make it stop!"

"It did stop." Naoko just pointed to the now still sake bottle and the person that it landed on.

"What?" Ritsuko said half yawning. "What's everyone looking at?" she wasn't paying attention to anything.

"You blonde bitch!" Misato shouted. Happy-drunk Misato was replaced angry-drunk Misato. "This was a setup from the start. You can't find a man yourself so you get your mum to rig the bottle so you steal my Shinji!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Naoko feigned her innocence.

"Come on!" Asuka grabbed Shinji's hand and began pulled him away.

"Woah… Hang on!" he stumble forward but someone else grabbed his hand and jerked him back.

"Where do you think you're taking him?" Mana demanded hanging onto his other hand.

"You better back off before I tear you a new one," Asuka growled her warning.

"Are we done?" Ritsuko asked but everyone was too busy arguing to take notice of her. Fed up of their childish games, she got up to leave but as she was leaving she stepped in the bottle and tripped forward. Shinji was playing rope between the Asuka and Mana tug of war and she land right on top of him.

They cause enough of a crash to make everyone stop bickering. Shinji was dazed from the fall. First he felt something heavy on top of him and he couldn't breathe. He opened his eyes to Ritsuko lying on top of him with his lips pressed against his. Seconds after he open his eyes, she did as well.

Ritsuko's mind froze. One of the smartest brains in Japan today who had an answer for everything now didn't know what to do.

Shinji was about to push her off him when out of the corner of his eye he spotted Kaworu.

"Anyone can just kiss. That doesn't prove that you're not gay." The other just looked at him.

Kaworu's words caused Shinji to take the plunge and the initiative. Being relatively inexperience he clumsily opened his mouth and deepened the kiss. He had seen movies where the hero kisses the girl at the end so he used one hand to run through Ritsuko's short blonde hair and the other he gently stroked her cheek.

Shinji's tongue was massive shock for Ritsuko. The way he practically force his way in made it a really kiss wet. But something inside the other woman clicked and kicked in. She instinctively found herself slowly melting into the kiss and giving back as much as he gave.

"The hell with Yui's plan! I'm going to kill her!" A berserk Misato was tackled just short of the couple by Naoko. Kyoko had to restrain her daughter in a headlock and Mana had fainted again.

'I don't believe this, she's enjoying it!' Shinji thought as she started to moan into his mouth. Eventually he had to break it due to the fact that he didn't know how to breathe through his nose.

Everyone was stunned and shell shocked. You could have heard a pin drop.

"Alright everyone! The show is over!" Yui appeared in the doorway with a body slung over her shoulder. She walked in with a batted and beaten Gendo. She then unceremoniously dropped him like a sack of potatoes in the middle of the room, his body making a thud.

"You can all go back to normal. I have the information that I required." Shinji just looked at her mother puzzled.

"That's mean you can get off my son, Ritsuko!" Yui reminded the blond doctor that she was still on top of the boy.

"Oh my God!" Like a flash she jumped off him scurried away to the other side of the room. Shinji was still lying on his back and Yui bent over him. He looked up to see his mother's face from upside down.

"I'm so glad that my little Shinji isn't gay," She said to him

"What? What did you just say? How did you know?" he asked sitting up.

"You should give your mother more credit. Who did you think it was that got Kaworu to make the bet with you?"

"But why!" he said in a mixture of anger and surprise.

"Your mother was upset that she didn't get to be a grandmother. And with the way you shy way from the female attention she was worried that you were really gay and therefore would never be able to provide her a grandchild," Kaworu spoke up and explained the truth to Shinji.

"You're telling me that all this was just a crazy…"

"I didn't think it was that crazy. After all, everyone else agreed to play along," his mother interrupted him. Shinji looked around the room as all of them found it difficult to look in the eye. They way they behaved told him that she wasn't lying.

"Everything was going to plan. Except when someone thought it was a good idea to electronically rig the bottle to spin on their daughter on purpose," Yui turned around to see Naoko tip toeing out of the room.

"Well… This was the thing Yui," Naoko said laughing. "You plan was so boring and my little Ritsuko needed a little company to get her motor running again. So what better time to do it?"

"This was my plan to find out if Shinji was gay and may be also find who he really liked!" Yui pulled and wooden spoon out began to twirl it between her fingers.

"I guess this would be a good time to run?"

"NAOKO NO BAKA!" Yui gave chase as Naoko fled out the door.

"That's a good point!" Misato said aloud. "We all know Shinji isn't gay now so who does he really like?"

Then all eyes focused on the poor boy.

"Huh?" Shinji got that feeling again that something bad was going to happen.

"Gay or straight? Who cares?" Asuka seethed. "When did he grow the balls to kiss someone like that?"

"It wasn't like Shinji was the only one kissing. Someone had to kiss him back," Mana added as all eyes then focused on the Ritsuko in the corner of the room.

"Just a moment ladies…" Kyoko decided to speak up to prevent more bloodshed from occurring. "I think I have a solution where everyone can be satisfied. I propose that Shinji performs a little act as a way to apologies to all of us."

"Apologise? All of you lied to me!" he shouted but it had no effect. Misato and Kyoko eyes had the evil glint. The two quickly jumped Shinji and began ripping his clothes off.

"What are you doing! Get off me!" Shinji protested and fought against them

"Hold still and get into your costume!" Kyoko as she struggled against Shinji.

"I like these boxer shorts Shinji. Are they pure cotton?" Misato wasn't really helping at all. She saw it as a chance to get close to Shinji.

"Guys help!" Shinji yelled to the form of his two retreating friends.

"Sorry man…" Touji replied. "But the sight of you getting some action doesn't really interesting me."

After about two minutes of struggling, they eventually had Shinji on the karaoke stage with a huge spot light on him. The rest of the lights in the room were switched off so he couldn't see beyond the stage. Ritsuko was near the karaoke machine and managed to find an appropriate track to accompany Shinji's performance.

"What?" She said to the group as they heard the rhythmic music being played from the machine. "I'm a woman as well you know."

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS! Just what the hell do you want me to do?" Shinji said shielding his eyes from the bright spot light. The poor boy still had no idea what they wanted him to do. They had managed to dress him as fireman. He was shirtless, but with the yellow overalls and the coat. To complete the attire was a fireman's helmet with the words – Shinji Number One, scribbled across it.

"We wanna see some skin!" Misato finished with a wolf whistle.

"Come on, Shinji!" Kyoko encouraged him by waving a 5000 Yen note at him. "It'll be worth it."

"Calm down Yui!" Naoko yelled behind her as she was still being chased. But she stopped when she noticed Shinji standing on the stage.

"Hey what happen to the business man look?" she asked her friends. The woman had a weakness for a man in a good suit.

"May be tomorrow night," Kyoko offered as she continued to wave yen notes at Shinji. "Hurry up and sit down. It's about to start."

"Oh! Is my little Shinji going to put on a play for us?" Yui have stopped the chase and forgot about all the past transgressions. "Wait a minute… You girls are having Shinji doing a… Mmph…"

Kyoko quickly placed a gag around the exotic dancer's mother. Naoko tied the hands and legs together as Misato put a hood over Yui's head.

"Hurry up and strip baka Shinji!" Asuka shouted as the other women continued putting the finishing touches to Yui so she wouldn't interfere with the performance

"Strip! But… Asuka…"

"I SAID STRIP!" she screamed cutting him off.

"Yes ma'am." Shinji had no idea how to begin but he thought he better do something before the crowd really got violent and out of control. He was about to take off the coat when a hand clamped down on his shoulder.

"Why would you ladies want to watch a mere boy when you can have a complete man?" As the deep voice spoke the smoke machines turned on and filled the room. When it cleared, Kaji stood in the middle of the stage with only a g-string as his clothes. He began posing and flexing what muscles he had. To get things really going he spun around and wiggled his butt cheeks.

"Check it out ladies! This is the real deal!" Ritsuko pressed stop on the karaoke machine and there was utter silence before the comments came.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" this was followed by someone throwing up their dinner.

"I need another drink after that." That was Misato cracking open a new can of her favourite brand of beer and draining the contents in one motion.

"Hey Asuka… Do Japanese guys normally have hair down here?" The three school girls began chattering among themselves, making fun of Kaji's interesting hair growth.

"Hey! This is quality!" Kaji fired up and bent over a little. With one hand he slapped his arse. "How could you not like this?"

"BOOOOOOO!" Beer cans and other objects came flying at the almost naked man. One of them was the craving knife which buried in the wall behind him, just centimetres away from his head.

"Fine! All you women are nutcases anyway! You're fat and ugly and…" A full size fire axe was next to come out of the darkness and buried in the wall between his legs, barely grazing his private region.

"Tough crowd. You're on your own tonight Shinji." he stepped over the axe handle and sprinted off the stage, leaving Shinji alone again in the spot light.

"Shinji! Shinji! Shinji..." The chant of his name began and gradually grew louder and louder. The music was put back on and things were set again for Shinji's greatest performance of his life.

"Stop!" Another booming voice came from the side of the stage. The commanding voice was loud enough to stop the chant. The owner walked onto the stage.

"So you think that you are a better dancer than you father?" It was Gendo and he had come back from the dead. "Your genes may contain the genetic information that'll make you a good performer but it'll take more than mere genetics to defeat me."

"Your father is right, Shinji," his mother spoke up. She had performed a Houdini-like feat in getting out of her ropes. "You know that's how I meet you father."

"Not this story again…" Naoko and Kyoko muttered each other's words as they had heard this story thousands times and were eye-witnesses to it.

"Huh? Are you saying that Dad was a strip…"

"It's exotic performer boy! And I was a professional," Gendo corrected him. Shinji looked over to his mother who had come into the light some what.

"It's true. He wasn't the best but he tried hard that's what attracted me to him in the first place," Yui said honestly.

Shinji couldn't believe it: his father was a male stripper. One of the most powerful and influential men in the world used to take his clothes off to entertain women. And what was worst was that Shinji's mother was one of those women.

"HAHAHA! Baka Shinji's old man is a try-hard!" Asuka's well timed smart arse remark cause a around of giggles from the group.

"Enough!" Gendo shouted which caused the laughing to stop. "It's time I show you all what I am talking about."

In one motion, Gendo ripped off all his clothes except for his briefs. Next he proceeded to gyrate his hips with his hands above and behind his head.

"Hasn't he done this before?" Kyoko asked Yui. She felt that she had seen this routine before.

"Yeah…" Yui replied sounding bored. "It was pretty hot ten years ago but now it's just lame but let him have his moment in the spotlight again. Tomorrow we'll wail on his sorry butt again."

"Oh yeah… That's sailor uniform gimmick… I remember now," Naoko added as she passed on the bowl of popcorn.

"Hey, when did you have time to make that, Naoko?" Misato asked grabbing a handful of the snack.

"I thought he was going to talk for ever and I got hungry," she answered her. "Do you girls want some?" Naoko asked the Asuka and her friends.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Ready for some more useless rambling?

This chapter was extra long because I wanted to do something special for holiday season. It wasn't a Christmas theme but I still hope everyone enjoys it. And if anyone didn't pickit , the lyricsis the translation from the opening theme of the series. Don't ask me if it's correct. I just did a google search, then copy and paste ;)

Extra special thanks for LORD RAA. We bounced some ideas around which helped with the story.

There are a couple of things which still need to be said – what happens with Kawrou / Rei and what the full story behind Gendo's dancing past. I'll explain these in the next chapter.

And since this is an AU, I've had a few people ask me what happen to Asuka's father and is Naoko's husband still around. I haven't thought that far ahead, so if anyone has a good idea or wants to see something let me know (I just realise that preview in upload removed my details so I have fixed this…)

Anyway, thanks for reading and Merry Christmas, Wonga316


	10. Chapter 10

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 10

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

MSN MESSENGER  
Wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

DATE POSTED  
20060105

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

THE NEXT MORNING

Kaworu surveyed the surroundings of the inn. He was first to wake which wasn't a surprise since everyone had a late one last night. The grey haired boy was a light sleeper and felt uncomfortable in the inn's guest rooms. He walked along the hallway, trying to be as quite as possible.

When he reached his destination he steadies himself before going to knock. But before he could lightly rap on Rei's door and the unmistakable sound of a gun cocking made him stop.

"What do you think you're doing, boy?" Gendo growled as quietly as possible but it still held its menace. Kaworu turned his head slightly to see that the man had descended from the concerned hole in ceiling with a heavy duty cable and harness. A double barrel shotgun was thrust in his face.

"Ikari-san!" Kaworu quickly bowed and tried not to sound intimidated by the slight of the weapon and the upside down man.

"You shall address me as 'sir'," the suspended man used the barrel of his shotgun to lift the boy's head back up. "I asked you what you are doing outside my daughter's room."

"Well… you see sir…" his tongue failed to form the words that he wanted to say. The normally calm and cool Kaworu was replaced by a scared little child. Luckily, for him the door to Rei's room opened and the girl appeared.

"What are you doing father?" She asked still half asleep and rubbing her eyes.

"You can go back to bed, Rei. We just have a little unwanted visitor this morning." He jammed the gun into Kaworu's mouth. "I know about the little agreement that your mother made with him."

He was talking about the plan to get Shinji to prove that he wasn't gay. Yui had agreed to let Kaworu see Rei if he was able to help in her devious plan.

"That was actually partly me idea as well," Rei countered while still yawning.

"Huh?" both males in front of her just blinked their eyes. She went onto explain that she had struck a separate deal with Yui for helping her take out Gendo in the forest when he had kidnapped Shinji. She wanted to be able to spend some time with Kaworu to find out what her feelings were but didn't want to upset her brother.

"Damn… Rei is turning out to just like her mother… That woman is pure evil…" Gendo muttered under his breath. He hadn't factored this possibility in his scenario and was quickly trying to come up with something else to counter it.

"Do you want to tell me who's an evil woman?" someone asked from behind Gendo.

"Not now Yui! I'm thinking!" The man was so busy thinking that he didn't know that he had recognised the owner of the voice.

"Oh crap…" He felt his cable go slack and then his head hit the floor. Yui began dragging him to along with the rope to the balcony. Rei and Kaworu followed closing behind.

"You can do your thinking from the orbit of space!" she grabbed the slack length of rope that she left with both hands and began swinging the poor man around like an Olympic hammer thrower. She moved with enough speed that everything was a like blur.

"Was your mother an athlete?" Kaworu asked Rei, amazed at the skill and speed she managed to gain in a relatively short number of rotations.

"National track and field champion two years running," Rei answered as she pulled out a pair of binoculars from somewhere. She was all ready to watch where her father would land. Last time she wasn't as prepared and it was nearly two weeks before Gendo reappeared at home.

"You think she'll break the record?" A woman's voice came from the roof above the balcony.

"May be… She's looking good so far…" A second woman replied.

Rei and Kaworu looked up; they found Kyoko and Naoko still in their pyjamas sitting on the roof. Each of them had a set of binoculars and they were glued on the horizon.

Yui was spinning so fast that she felt the grip on the rope was beginning to slip. She decided that now was the time to release her husband and send him on his merry way. She did so and his body sailed into the air in a huge arc. As he travelled through the air, Gendo's body became more and like a tiny dot against the rising sun. When he eventually disappeared, the crowd on the roof plus Rei began applauding her record breaking performance.

"Thank you. Thank you." Yui bowed in appreciation to the response of the audience.

Kaworu saw that they were all distracted applauding and praising Yui and used it try to sneak away. He feared that the overprotective and sometimes lunatic mother would turn on him. After all, he was caught outside her only daughter's room.

"Ahem…" A not so gentle cough made him stop in his tracks.

"I think you have some explaining to do, don't you, Mr. Nagisa?" Yui had her hands on her hips and was tapping her foot. "Do you want to tell why you were sneaking around outside my daughter's room?"

"Ah… well…" He couldn't think up a plausible excuse. As failed Yui's eyebrow began to twitch more and more. Luckily for him Rei lean over and whispered something in his ear.

"That's right! I heard a noise in the hallway and found Mr. Ikari acting suspiciously when I went to investigate."

"That's so sweet!" Psychotic Yui was replaced by her normal lovey-dovey self. She pulled the young boy into a hug. "You were worried about my Rei-chan…"

"You are very lucky to have a boyfriend like him Rei sweetie…" Rei just sweat drop and let her mother continue along her lines of thought.

"So what about some breakfast?" She stopped hugging Kaworu and spoke to the both of them. "I'm really hungry after that work out and have a craving for some pancakes."

"Pancakes!" Kyoko and Naoko both yelled and jumped down from the roof onto the balcony.

"We'll I guess that's settled then." Yui lead her troops downstairs to begin tackling the task of breakfast. As they walked through the hall way pass all the guest rooms, they happen to pass by Shinji's. And being the prefect mother that she was; she barged her way into his room to wake him.

"Time to get up Shinji!" she shouted as the door to his room was slid open.

"Shinji?" The two other woman and Rei asked as they all stared into an empty guest room. His bed was made and everything tidy and in place. The only sign that anyone was ever in the room was Shinji's travel bag at the foot of the futon.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Yui screamed on the top of her lungs. The other's quickly covered their ears. "He's missing! My baby's been kidnapped!"

Naoko offered a plausible explanation to Yui's exaggerations. "Now, now… He's most likely with Asuka or one of the others."

"Quick! We have to find him!" The distraught mother grabbed her friend's arm and tossed her out Shinji's room and into next guest room where Asuka was staying. Her body made light work of the shoji and landed right on top of the sleeping girl.

"What the hell!" Still half asleep but already pissed off Asuka grumbled and kicked off the dazed intruder.

"Asuka! Have you seen Shinji? He's not in his room!" Yui ran through the newly made entrance and began shaking her. She was shaking Asuka so hard that she didn't make any sense which just frustrated the mother further.

"Go check the others," Yui ordered to Kyoko and Rei who had moved back in the hallway from Shinji's room.

"He's most like gone for a early morning walk on his own. Why don't we get back to those pancakes?" Kyoko's hunger was more of a priority than Shinji at the moment.

"DO AS I SAY!" Yui's voice boomed and both of them scurried away like little mice.

HANAMAKI FOREST

"What was that?" Shinji turned around and see a flock of birds scatter from the tree tops in the distance. He could have sworn that the far away shriek sounded a lot like his mother.

"Mum's loud but not that loud." He opened the map of the area again to check where he was going. Shinji had woken early and decide to check what wonders the surrounding area had to offer. As he snuck out of the inn, he made sure to grab one of the tourist maps from the front counter.

"That stream should be up ahead." The tranquil sound of running water told him that he was right. He pushed pass the shrubs and made his way through. The stream was bigger than Shinji thought. There was no way that he could cross it without getting his feet wet. A mother deer and her fowl were further down the stream having their morning drink. They looked up at Shinji when he appeared through the bushes and didn't seem startled by him. Since the local fauna were drinking the water, Shinji wanted to try some as well. He bent down and brought a handful to his mouth. It wasn't the best water he had ever tasted but something about being from nature made him want some more.

Something made the deer nervous and they quickly trotted away. At first Shinji didn't think anything of it and went for one last drink. All of a sudden, something shot out of the water and wrapped around his head. With his eyes and mouth covered, he immediately panicked and tried to escape but it was no use. A single pull was all it took to drag him into the water. The only evidence that Shinji was even there was the tourist map from the inn floating down the stream.

HANAMAKI INN

"Ritsuko dear you better tell them the truth…" Naoko had recovered from her grand entrance into Asuka's room and was sipping on her morning cup of tea. Her daughter had been hog tied, gagged and dumped on top of the main dinning table.

"Don't try and pretend that you don't know! We all saw the way you got it on with my Shinji last night!" Misato foot came down onto the table just millimetres away from her friend's face. "Now tell us what you did with him."

The group had searched the entire inn and found no trace of the young man. This led to wild accusations and they all used Ritsuko as the scapegoat.

"WAAAAAAAAA! SHINJI!" Yui cried with fountain of tears from both eyes. The mother was going through the full cycle of emotions. She was currently at the depressed stage.

"Damn it Ritsuko! Look what you did?" Kyoko pointed at the crying Yui. "Do you have any idea how much I wanted pancakes this morning!"

"Will you forget about your pancakes!" Asuka told her mother.

"Now that you mention it, I wouldn't mind some of Yui's special pancakes," Naoko backed up her friend.

"I not sure about pancakes… But I wouldn't mind my morning beer." Misato had taken a time out from interrogating Ritsuko to join in on the conversation on breakfast.

"What's more important? Shinji or pancakes and beer!" Asuka laid down the ultimatum to the trio of woman. Each of them looked at each other before huddling in a group to discuss their answer.

"Can we have Shinji bring us the beer and pancakes?" Misato asked from the huddle. They had put a lot of thought into their answer.

"You weren't supposed to answer the question!" Asuka shouted back.

"Just give us a minute, Asuka dear…" Kyoko said before pulling Misato's head back into the huddle. They mulled over the details a bit more.

"Can you tell us how much beer and if we get any maple syrup with the pancakes?" Naoko wanted to know the specific details before answering again.

"Everyone look at this!" It was unusual for Maya to speak up during these events so everyone stopped arguing/crying/shouting and anything else to gather around her and the ever present laptop.

"Hanamaki Ghost Strikes Again," she read from the newspaper website.

"Another young man has been reported missing from the Hanamaki forest area last night. His disappearance is the fifth in just as many weeks. Police are currently at a stall with investigations.

"Locals have said that the disappearances are due to a white ghost haunting the woods. Legend tells of a young couple separated when war came to the country and the man went off to fight. The young wife waited for his husband to return. But he never did return even when the war ended. There was no letter or news of what happen to her beloved. The days dragged on to months and month became years. The once young beautiful woman had become just a former shadow of herself. Heartbreak and grief had taken its toll on the poor widow.

"One day the nearby villages reported her missing and she was never seen again. Soon after that sightings of a ghostly figure were reported near where their cottage was once stood

"Locals say the pale ghost is the widow and she is unable to leave this world until she has found her love. She has resorted to taking any man that comes across her path in an attempt to end her sadness.

"Then it just goes on about an interview with the chief of police," Maya finished reading the important parts of the article.

"OH MY GOD! MY SHINJI HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A GHOST!" the story was too much for the mother and she fainted. Her body was conveniently caught by her daughter who was ready for the catch.

"Great…I'll never get those pancakes now." Kyoko's words had caused another round of bickering.

'I wish I could disappear like Shinji…' Ritsuko thought as she watched her family and friends get closer and closer to another all ready for a brawl.

HANAMAKI FOREST

The cool air and wet clothes made Shinji open his eyes. He was in a cave of some sort. The high roof was covered with stalactites and he could hear the sound of water dripping in fairly expansive cavern. Next he realised that he was lying on something very uncomfortable. Shinji sat up and pulled out the object that was sticking into his back.

"AH!" He quickly threw it aside when he saw that it was a bone of some kind. But it wasn't the only bone. Shinji was lying on a massive pile of remains. He scrambled off, causing some of the bones to fall of the pile. The hollow clunk sound they made just scared him more.

Then, out of the damp darkness, pairs of eyes began to open and look in his direction. They where blood red and didn't blink.

"Oh crap…" was all he could mutter as the more eyes appeared around him just like some kind of evil set of Christmas lights.

HANAMAKI INN

"Is everyone clear on the plan?" Yui had quickly regained conciseness after a couple of not so gently slaps from Rei. She had assembled everyone outside in the front of the inn and made them fall into formation. Everyone was dressed in there designated army fatigues.

"I have a question?" Kyoko said raising her hand. Her other hand was busy trying to keep the oversized army helmet from falling over her eyes. "When do I get my pancakes?"

WHACK

The oversized helmet had little protection from Yui's wooden spoon.

"No Shinji… No pancakes!" Yui snarled.

"Do I make myself clear!" she yelled at the rest of the group.

"This is absurd!" Ritsuko had enough and threw her helmet to the ground. "He's probably gone for a walk or something! There's no evidence that he was even kidnapped and to link it to some fictitious ghost story is even more ridiculous."

The blonde scientist turned around began walking back into the inn to wash the camouflage paint from her face.

"She's right." Touji and Kensuke followed Ritsuko's lead and dump their gear before heading back inside.

"Where are you all going?" Yui screamed as more and more people began walking away from her.

"Have any of you read this?" Fuyutsuki stood to the entrance of the inn holding a scrap piece of paper. Ritsuko was closest and grabbed it him.

"Gone for a walk in the forest, Shinji." Ritsuko read it aloud and showed the note to everyone.

"I found it in the kitchen. Why is everyone outside?" The old man was puzzled at what was going on but he should have known better than to ask.

"Oh my God! Do you know what this means?" Yui said and everyone turned towards her.

"The ghost has the ability to forge a note from my Shinji!" Everyone face faulted. Yui held a higher intelligence than average individual except in the case when it came to her children. Her love for them usually over rid her common sense.

"It might be one of those special poltergeists who have special abilities like making humans spontaneously combustion." Naoko added as the gears in her head began to turn.

"You really think so, Naoko?" Yui rushed over to her friend and began shaking her to see if she had any more answers. "Damn it, answer me!"

"There's no such thing as ghost, poltergeist or spontaneous human combustion." Ritsuko rubbed her temples as she felt a head ache coming on. "The widow in the newspaper was probably true but she most likely died of old age and a broken heart. End of story."

"Widow!" Misato only caught a few words from Ritsuko and her gears started to tick over "Then that bitch wants to get a piece of my Shinji action!"

Any association of another female and Shinji made Misato assume the worst and go on the offensive immediately.

"Shinji and I have discussed trying some different things in the bedroom but that doesn't mean he could jump straight into it!" Misato thought Shinji's disappearance could have been his attempt to spice up their relationship. She also tended to make things up to compensate for her lack of confidence in their so called relationship

"What the hell are you talking about!" Asuka grabbed the older women by the front of her shirt. She, too, didn't like Shinji having any association anything female except her.

"Oh, you're too young to understand." Misato said nonchalant.

"That's it!" Yui had borrowed Touji's and Kensuke's banner and changed the signage. She had enough of the messing about and there wasn't enough searching done for Shinji. It read – _The Annual Shinji Game Hunt._

"The winner finds my Shinji safe and well. They will have the opportunity to do anything they want with him for twenty four hours!" She started reading out the guidelines for the competition.

"What if we don't him?" some yelled from the crowd. Yui wasn't sure but it sounded like Kaworu.

"Picky bastards…" she grumbled as she searched her pockets for something. "My only son isn't good enough for you…"

"How about ten million yen?" she found Gendo's credit card. She was pretty sure there was plenty of credit left. If not she had a contingency plan harvest her husband's organs and sell them on the black market. Although, she wondered who in their right mind would want to his damaged goods in the first place.

"WHAT!" everyone yelled in disbelief. Almost all of them would not have to work for a whole year with that amount of money. Most of them did work at NERV Heavy Industries and they were renowned for their employee packages and entitlements

"Alright, fine. It's twenty million and Shinji for a day if you want." Before she could she everyone scatted from the area, leaving her alone with the banner.

"Should have thought of doing that earlier…" she said coughing away the dust cloud her family and friends made in their mad dash for twenty million yen and Shinji.

"Hmmm… I wonder where is Pen-pen?" The mother mused. Normally the obnoxious little bird would have pestered one of then for his morning meal of sardines but there was no sign of him.

HANAMAKI FOREST

"Do you know how much stuff we could buy with twenty million Yen?" Touji asked his friend. Yen signs had replaced his pupils as he trotted through the forest undergrowth.

"Do you have any idea where you are going?" Kensuke answered back with a question of his own. He was the more realistic of the two stooges.

"Four-eyes is right!" Asuka grabbed Touji by the shoulder and swung him around. "Do we even know that Shinji went this way?"

"I have to agree with Asuka," Mana said. Surprisingly the two feuding school girls had something in common. "We need a plan if we are to find Shinji."

The seven school kids sat down in a circle in the middle of the forest. Silence fell on the five of them as they tried to think up a plan.

"Well does anyone have a map?" the class representative asked. Everyone looked at her like she had grown two heads. She just rolled her eyes. "A map of the area. If we don't know where we are going how are we suppose to find Shinji?"

"Stop pulling Misato!" The purple hair woman and her blonde companion emerged from a nearby shrub.

"Oh it's just you…" Misato said as she spotted Asuka sitting down in her little group. They began glaring at each other. Ritsuko's used this time to start picking out the stray twigs that have ended up in her hair from Misato's gallop through to the forest.

"What the hell do you want?" Asuka hissed back at the woman.

"It looks like you don't have a plan to find Shinji." Misato didn't miss an opportunity to get a cheap shot in with Asuka.

"And I suppose you have one? Your sense of direction is just as bad as Shinji's."

"Of course I have a plan! Misato Katsuragi always comes prepared." Everyone looked at her like she was serious and waited her for to explain the plan. But she just looked back at them.

"Well?" they all said.

"Well what?" she replied.

"TELL US THE PLAN!" they shouted as their patience grew thin.

"Oh, ok… actually it's better if I show you." Misato walked away from the group and took a depth breath.

"SHIN-CHAN! WHERE ARE YOU!" Misato bellowed into the wilderness.

Everyone face faulted as Misato continued her plan of shouting the boy's name on the top of her lungs in the hope for a response.

Meanwhile as Shinji's would be rescuers continued their search, the situation for our hero was looking very grim.

The flames at the bottom of the pole that he was tied to began to get higher and licked the bottom of his shoes. The light from the fire was isolated and Shinji still had no idea who had kidnapped him. He could slowly feel the temperature rise around him and smell of rubbing rubber filled the air accompanied by the rhythmic beat of tribal drums. His capturers with their evil red eyes danced around him in a ritual manner.

"At least this isn't as bad when Misato and the others gets drunk and wants to play dress up." He said to himself although the flames at the bottom of the pole did remind him of a time when Kyoko mention something about hot wax and candles. He had no idea why candles would be needed for a costume.

The beat of the drums gradually increased and eventually ended on a crescendo. The ritual dance stopped and all the eyes all turn in on direction as if they were expecting something. Then out of the darkness it appeared.

"What the hell?" those were all the words that escaped Shinji's lips as the leader of his kidnappers came into the light for the first time.

"WARK WARK…" A warm water penguin completed with grass skirt and traditional tribal head dress began waving his staff around at his disciples.

HANAMAKI INN

"Sensei, have you seen Pen-pen?" Yui asked the old man like a child who misplaced her favourite toy. He was reading the morning paper spread out on the kotasu since had no interest in the Annual Shinji Game Hunt that the Vice President of the company he worked for organised.

"No," he grunted almost like in a Gendo manner.

"Do you think the ghost took Pen-pen as well!" her heart skipped a beat as the possibility of two members of her family being kidnapped raced through her mind.

"If ghosts even exist, what possible reason do you think they would have for taking a warm water penguin?"

"May be… the ghost isn't human… IT MIGHT BE THE SPIRIT OF A POLAR BEAR!" Yui put two and two together. She knew that a penguin was part of a polar bear's stable diet and Maya had told her about the white ghost of the forest.

The old man face faulted at the mother's absurd suggestion.

"This isn't good…" Yui began nervously biting her nails. "The ghost bears must be really hungry today to take my Shinji and Pen-pen."

"Ok… Look…" Fuyutsuki decided to try and talk some sense into her. "There are no ghosts, poltergeist or spirits of either human or animal form. Your son and your bird have gone for a walk and will be back soon. So please call off this competition before someone decides to sue us. And polar bears and penguins live at the opposite ends of the Earth."

"You're right…" Fuyutsuki sigh a sign of relief but it was too soon for that.

"It's probably Bigfoot! He's neither man nor animal." Yui just wouldn't let go of the idea her son being kidnapped.

For the second time the old man face faulted.

"I've seen the discovery channel! There was this really good documentary." Yui reassured herself. "It might be a werewolf as well; I can't rule that out… If I remember those suckers are allergic to silver? I need to find some silver bullets. I should still have some left over in the kit bag from last Halloween…"

She continued to ramble on as she walked back out the front to the VTOL.

"Why the hell would she have silver bullets for Halloween?" Fuyutsuki asked. "Wait, I don't want to know."

HANAMAKI FOREST

"Pen-pen?" Shinji asked. 'Damn it! Why am I asking a bird for its name?'

"WARK WARK. WARK WARK." The head penguin continued to give orders in bird talk to his disciples. All of them were similar in size and had matching grass skirts. The only difference between them and leader was the crowd on the leader's head. There must have been over fifty penguins surrounding Shinji now. Shinji had a closer look at the leader and recognised it to not be the family pet.

He didn't like the look in their eyes. From his experience with Pen pen, the bird would get same look in his eyes would his meals were late. It usually resulted in a rampage of vicious pecking. Amazingly, the bird would move his beak as quick as a wood pecker went he needed to. Shinji closed his eyes and waited for death.

"WARK!" something fell from the sky and the air rushed passed his face.

"Pen-pen!" Shinji made no mistake with this bird now. The family pet turned around gave him the flipper equivalent of the thumbs up.

"WARK WARK!" Pen-pen began explaining something to the group before him. The bird banter continued as Shinji wondered.

'This is the weirdest shit I've seen in my life…'

HANAMAKI FOREST

"SHINJI! WHERE ARE YOU!" Misato had persisted with her plan of walking around aimlessly and shouting his name. Against better judgment the other followed her. It wasn't like they had any better ideas than her.

BANG

Out of no where a bullet barely missed Misato's head and buried in the tree behind her. She instinctively touched the top of her head to make sure everything was in place.

"DIE EVIL WEREWOLF!" Yui leapt out of the bushes sporting an oversize elephant hunting gun.

"Oh… It's just you Misa-chan…" the mother sounded disappointed. "From a distance you look like a werewolf."

"You nearly killed me!" Misato sounded upset. "And how the hell do I look like a werewolf!"

"Too bad she missed," Asuka muttered under her breath. The other children snickered.

"So have you guys had any luck in finding my Shinji?" Yui ignored Misato's questions and quickly shoved the point of the gun into her mouth to stop her from shouting obscenities. It did little as the metal object only muted her abuse.

"No we haven't been able to find any sign of him," Rei answered her mother.

"I see." She pulled the gun from Misato's gob and flicked off the dribble from the tip. Misato clutched her mouth and readjusted her bottom jaw.

"I was going to investigate that raising smoke over there." Yui pointed to the distance where a column of smoke could be seen going into the sky. The rest of the group simultaneously slapped their foreheads at the obvious clue that was in front of their eyes but failed to see.

"Ok troops! Forward march." Yui slung the hunting rifle over her shoulder and began marching. The rest of the group followed with a lot less enthusiasm as their gallant leader surged ahead.

In no time, our search party reached the source of the smoke stack. To their surprise it was coming out of the cave opening. It was well hidden by the forest undergrowth and if the smoke wasn't visible you would walk straight pass it without noticing it.

"What do you think?" Yui whispered to Misato.

"Not sure." Her adopted niece had forgiven her for nearly shooting her. Mistaking her for a werewolf was another thing. "There may be booby traps."

"You're right. These polar bears are tricky creatures…"

"Why are we whispering? And what do werewolves and polar bears have to do with looking for Shinji?" Ritsuko couldn't help it but she had to ask even though she knew she would regret it.

"SHHH!" Yui and Misato hushed her. "You'll tip them off."

Misato started giving instructions via hand signals that a solider give to other fellow soldiers for a sneak attack. Hand's flapped and fingers pointed in various directions.

"What the hell does this mean!" Ritsuko waved her hands around trying her best to mimic her nut case of a friend. "This isn't the jungles of the Mekong Delta!"

Misato just repeated her hand signals but with more emphasis and less patience.

"Look! I bet it's just a group of campers or some local kids playing." The blonde doctor pushed her way pass Misato and Yui to the entrance of the cave. As she got closer strange noises started to come from inside the cave. They weren't human and she didn't recognise it as any call from a wild animal. For only a moment she started to believe what Yui had said about the werewolves.

"Wark wark wark." Pen-pen waddled out of the darkness with a firm flipper attached to Shinji's hand.

"I have no idea what you said Pen- pen but thanks for rescuing me." Shinji scratched his head wondering if he was crazy for trying to have a conversation with a warm water penguin.

"Shinji?" Ritsuko asked surprised and relieved at the same time.

"Dr. Akagi?" The boy shielded his face as his eyes adjusted from the darkness of the cave to daylight.

"Ah… Look… I…" The older woman seemed lost for words. As soon as she had seen the boy, it reminded her of last night's kiss they shared. She began playing with a rock on the ground and couldn't look at him straight in the eye.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked innocently.

'How can he be so causal after that kiss!' she thought half mad. 'Wait! I'm the adult here. I should be the one…'

WHACK

Her thoughts were interrupted by the butt of Yui's hunting rifle. She had delivered the blow with such precision that Ritsuko instantly fell to the ground unconscious.

"SHINJI! YOU'RE SAFE!" she charged him and threw aside the gun. The next thing Shinji knew was that he was having the life squeezed out of him by one of his mother's patented bear hugs.

"SHIN-CHAN!" Misato was next to come and used her unconscious friend as a stepping stone. Her foot was planted on the back of her head and her face was pushed further into the dirt. Soon Shinji was being bear hugged from both sides.

"I was so scared. There was this ghost and it ate fire. Then a big polar had a fight with a werewolf. I had to shoot it but it got away and then I ran out of silver so I have to go mining and found a treasure chest but that was haunted. But the discovery channel was right. Baka Gendo's credit card. Pen-pen kebab stick. Did I mention the ghost who was a fire man but not a fire man? Kyoko's eating too many pancakes! Then polar bear ate Kyoko!"

Yui's words came out a million miles an hour and made no sense at all. She had a tendency to ramble on in a panic and spout nonsense. Shinji had learnt to let her carry on until she had finished.

HANAMAKI INN – EVENING

"Hey everyone come have a look at this!" Naoko called everyone over. She was in front of the TV and the local news was on. It was a news report with the same news girl that covered Gendo's daring prison escape.

(We are at an undisclosed location in the Hanamaki region where scientists today have discovered an extremely rarely prehistoric colony of ancient penguins.)

The camera panned over to the inside of the cave where Shinji was saved from being eaten.

"Hey isn't that…" Before the boy could finish, the reporter started speaking again.

(It's believed that these carnivorous penguins existed during the ice age at the end of the dinosaurs reign on the earth. The number of birds in the colony is about sixty with the majority of them being female.)

The camera panned again to a shot of Pen pen living it up with his newly found girlfriends.

"Rei, honey cover your eyes. I can't believe that they are showing this during prime time news." Yui was disgusted with the way the family pet was flaunting himself on national television. "Doesn't Pen-pen know that they might be children watching?"

"You should be taking notes Ritsuko. You might learn something from Pen-pen," the bottle blonde's mother suggested.

"Shut up!" It hurt to talk or she would have had a lot more to say. The ice pack she was holding to the back of her head wasn't helping much either.

(The entire area surrounding the bird's colony has been designated a protected area and the public access restricted to help protect their habitat. It's believed that the recent missing person's in the area are attributed to these penguins.)

"She's a pretty good reporter," Kyoko said aloud, impressed by the reporter's professionalism.

"You know, I heard a rumour that she's dating the sports guy," Misato added. Her endless hours reading soap magazines and gossip columns came in handy for something.

"You don't say…"

"So…" Naoko switched off the TV with the remote and turned to Yui. "Who gets the money?"

"Money? What money?"

"That's right!" Ritsuko stood up fighting the dizziness. "I was first to find Shinji so I get the twenty million Yen prize money."

"Oh, the prize money…" For the first time since leaving from Tokyo 3, Ritsuko was smiling. After all the hardship, pain and idiotic behaviour she had been through it was about to pay out.

"I gave it to Pen pen."

"YOU DID WHAT!" the Akagi daughter screamed like a banshee. It scared Yui enough to scamper around behind Shinji like a scared little girl.

"Well, it was Pen pen that lead Shinji out of the cave." Ritsuko thought about Misato's comment and looked for any mistruth in it. She recounted the events leading up to Shinji's discover and compared it with the statement. There was nothing she could find wrong with it.

"ARGH!" She threw the ice pack that she was supposed to have against the bump on her head through the nearest window.

There was a knock on the front door which was followed by a new voice.

"Excuse me? Is this the Hanamaki Hot Spring Inn?" A man in a courier uniform and clipboard stood in the door way.

"Yes it is. How can I help you?" Yui got up to greet the man. She tried to use her body to block his view of everyone trying to hold down a berserker Ritsuko Akagi.

"Ok…" He thought it was strange but it wasn't his place to say anything. "I have a delivery for a… Pen-pen Ikari." His voice trailed as he wasn't sure that the name the depot gave him was correct. When he mentioned the bird's name everyone stopped wrestling and looked on.

"I can sign for that." Yui took the consignment form and scribbled her signature along the dotted line. The man bowed and went back out where he began waving a dump trunk that was reversing into the front yard of the inn. The reversing warning signal further intrigue the group as they ran outside to see what was going on with the courier.

"Alright! Drop the load." The trailer section of the dump truck began to lift and the contents spewed onto the ground. Scores of tin cans began to flow out. Shinji picked up one of rounded cans as it rolled and stopped at his feet.

"Sardines." He read the label and the first trunk drove away. It was replaced by another with and same amount of sardine cans.

"It looks like Pen pen as already spent the money." Misato said as a matter of fact as she pointed to the endless line of dump trunks all filled with tin cans of sardines.

"He… spent… twenty… million… yen… on… tinned… fish…" Ritsuko's shoulder began to twitch uncontrollably with rage.

"But it's the good stuff." Naoko handed her daughter a can. "You see gold label."

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Years.

I'm not sure if deer are around the Hanamaki area. I just did a Google search for Japanese deer and Japanese hot springs.

I wasn't sure if this chapter was going to be 'funny funny' or just 'stupid funny' like in 3am in the morning when everything seems funny. So let me know what you think? More of this stuff or back to the regular funny? I also plan on doing some semi serious chapters in the future which leads me to my next question.

I want to do a chapter about Asuka and her father. But I need a German name. So before I just Google German's names and pick one at random, I want to know if any readers know of his proper name if he was even given one in the series or manga.

PROOF READERS NOTES  
Stop complaining about the older women being interested in Shinji. Straight shota is funny.

Besides, it's clear that Shinji isn't interesting Naoko or Kyoko.


	11. Chapter 11

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 11

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

MSN MESSENGER  
wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa and Koalakiller

DATE POSTED  
20060121

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

HANAMAKI INN – NEXT MORNING

It was the next morning after Shinji's near death experience with the carnivorous penguins and something was making him sweat under his bed sheets. He instinctively kick them off the quickly went back to sleep.

Soon he was feeling hot again and found that he was underneath the blankets once more. He kicked them off again thinking that he must have somehow rolled into them.

"Stop it!" a familiar voice complained and then pulled the blankets back over them.

"What the!" Shinji rubbed the sleep from his eyes to see who it was. Looking back at him was the deep brown eyes of Misato Katsuragi. She smiled and gave him a big wet kiss on the cheek.

"What are you doing? Why are you in my bed?" he asked while wiping the slobber from his face. The boy had somehow gotten use to finding a stranger with him in his bed. It was almost a pointless question.

"Good morning Shin-chan." She replied cheerfully but it changed when she saw the look in his eyes. "I was worried about you… I was really scared yesterday when you went missing…"

"That still doesn't mean you can just waltz into my bed." He sounded mad and grumpy. His words came out harsh and she took them in typical Misato fashion.

"WAAAAAA! Why do you hate me!" she cried like a baby with the tears included for added effect.

"SHHHHHH! You'll wake everyone." Shinji tried to make her stop before the crying would bring more attention that he didn't want first thing in the morning.

"Please stop. I don't hate you, okay." He grabbed her shoulders and shook her gently.

"You don't hate me?" Misato asked with a little quiver while wiping the tears with the back of her hand. Shinji nodded in the affirmative. She then tackled the poor boy and pinned him down with her on top.

"That means you love me right?" She asked trying to be sexy without showing any evidence that she was crying a fountain of tears just seconds ago.

"What the! Weren't you just crying?" Shinji resisted against her hold but she was bigger and stronger than he was. The quick shift in emotions by the woman absolutely uncanny and scary.

"This is payback my little Shinji... I still remember when you had me in this position." Misato was referring back to about the time when Shinji pretended to almost kiss her on her first night back in Japan from her trip to France.

"That was just a joke." He fought harder against her hold.

"I know… Just like I'm joking now…" She licked her lips and lean in closer to him.

"Get off!" a third voice spoke up from somewhere in the darkness; interrupting Misato's so called revenge. She was only millimetres from going through with it when a familiar head popped out from underneath Shinji's left shoulder.

"Yeah." Another voice was accompanied by a second head appearing from behind Shinji's right shoulder. "Play time is over Misato. Get off us. You weight a tonne."

Shinji's seducer blinked her eyes at Naoko and Kyoko who had somehow appeared in bed with Shinji as well as her.

"I never knew that you were into the group thing Shinji…" Misato said a little puzzled at what to do. "I wish you would talk to me about experimenting with different things in bed first. You are lucky I have such an open mind about these things. Any other person might get upset."

She climbed off him and Shinji quickly scrambled away trying to put as much distance between him and the females invading his sleeping quarters.

Kyoko sat up. She stretched and yawned almost like a cat would. Naoko was less subtle. She found something annoying in her ear and was busily sticking her finger in trying to dislodge it.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Shinji," Kyoko said while tying her dark auburn locks into a neat pony tail. "You go on a date with me and then sleep with Misato behind my back."

"What? No! Hang on, why are the three of you in my room?" He was making a stand. There was no way that he was going to let these three women twist the situation around to their own benefit. He knew the odds were against him but he had to try.

"I thought we were having a slumber party?" Naoko admitted sounding a little confused.

"I was just following you." Kyoko looked at her friend. "Didn't you say we were on a treasure hunt?"

An empty sake bottle then rolled out from underneath the blanket. It became all clear to Shinji what had happened. The combinations of the women's imagination and a good supply of sake would explain almost everything.

"Could you all leave as I have to get changed?" He saw no point in arguing with them and just want to get away as quickly as possible.

"But don't you want to look for the treasure?" Kyoko's head ducked back under the blanket and pulled out a piece of scrap paper. "You see treasure."

Shinji reached over and took it. He examined it and read what was on it.

"This is a page from the TV guide downstairs." He pointed to the columns on the page with the times followed by the program showing.

"You think so… I though they were map co-ordinates…" Kyoko said innocently.

"Ok! So who wants their nails done?" Naoko spoke up and decided to change the subject. Unfortunately she didn't have anything intelligent to say thinking that it was a slumber party.

"Me! Me first!" Misato jumped at the chance for a make over.

"We are not having a slumber party!" At this point Shinji was really trying hard to keep his composure.

"But you just said it wasn't a treasure hunt." Naoko stated as a matter of fact.

"That doesn't mean it's a slumber party either!" he was now shouting.

"SHHH!" All three of them hushed him. They then pointed over to another someone slumped against the wall fast asleep with a hunting gun in hand.

"Don't worry Shinji… Mummy will protect you…" Yui mumbled in her sleep. She had feared something might happen to her son during the night and stayed to protect him.

Naoko pulled out a mascara pencil from her cosmetic bag and crawled towards Yui with the intension of writing something embarrassing on the sleeping woman's face.

"Give her a moustache," Kyoko said, giggling like a school girl.

"Don't forget the side burns," Misato added her two cent worth into the mix. "Give her mutton chops."

"Stop that!" Shinji reprimanded them. He carefully reached over to take the gun from Yui. She was lethal enough with her wooden spoons so a firearm wasn't a good idea.

"DIE BAKA GENDO" Shinji had forgotten that his mother had the tendency to sleep walk and she had picked the perfect time to start. She was on her feet in a flash waving the firearm around wildly.

"EAT LEAD BAKA GENDO." She began squeezing off a few rounds which caused the three women to duck for cover. Shinji was slow to react and being the closest it looked pretty glum for him as he felt the bullets fly past his face. He stumbled backwards until the back of his legs hit the ledge of the window which caused him to stumble out of the second story.

"Everything is safe now… sleep safely my Shinji…" the mother fell backwards onto the ground and resumed sleeping soundly like nothing had happen.

The door to his room was pushed opened and a group of concerned people flooded in. They looked around and found an open window, three grown women in the duck and cover position and one sleep mother in the middle of the room with a smoking gun. Numerous bullet holes littered the wall and ceiling.

"I'll get the first aid kit," Ritsuko said walking back out of the room. She had no doubt that someone would be in need of medical attention.

"Don't worry your pretty head Misato." Kaji saw this as an opportunity to try and get back into the good books with his favourite female. He actually just saw the skimpy yellow singlet top and shorts she was wearing and went over to give her a comforting hug "I'll protect from any danger."

"Shinji!" A straight arm punch came from the woman which sent him flying into the nearest wall. She may have been immature at times but her thoughts were always for Shinji safety and wellbeing. She like the others just had a strange way of showing it.

"Good morning everyone." Yui said yawning. Kaji head on collision with the wall was enough the wake her. No-one thought that it was strange that the sound of a shotgun going off should have woken her instead.

"Why are you all doing in my Shinji's room?" She picked up the gun and flicked it around. She began using it as a backscratcher.

"What the hell did you do to him?" Asuka stalked over and threatened her mother who had composure herself after hitting the floor like a coward.

"Have all of you come to join the treasure hunt as well?"

Instinctively, Rei and Mana saw the open window and sensed that something was not right. They rush up to it and looked down. There was a thick bush with a pair of arms and legs stick out making involuntary twitches. The torso and head were deep with in the shrub and concealed by the foliage.

"What are you girls looking at?" Yui asked walking up behind them.

HANAMAKI INN – MID MORNING

"Shinji… Shinji…" the faint call of his name gradually got louder and louder. As it did so did the throbbing pain coming from the back of his head. He managed to open his eyes but the sharp light just made him want to close them again.

"Come on, Shinji. You have to wake up." Ritsuko started to deliver gentle slaps across his face. "You're the only one who can stop this."

"Please stop." He grabbed her hand and used it to pull himself into a sitting position.

"It's about time you woke up. Things were starting to get out of hand." Ritsuko pointed behind him. He twisted his head to see what she was talking about.

"PLEASE LET ME DIE!" Yui cried aloud as she hung in the air from a hangman's noose tied from the ceiling support beams. Fuyutsuki and the other adults were all trying to stop the mother from committing suicide in the middle of the main room.

"DON'T WORRY SHINJI! MUMMY WILL BE COMING TO JOIN YOU!" she screamed again.

"Alright! Who's pulling her down!" The older man yelled as he was trying to hold her weight to prevent the woman's neck from snapping. He knew that with this many people helping that it was more then enough to hold her up. His suspicions were with Yui two so-called best friends, Naoko Akagi and Kyoko Langley Sohryu.

"Get the lead out!" Naoko ordered her partner in crime. "All you German weightlifters are drug cheats. This shouldn't be a problem for you."

"What did you call me!" Kyoko stopped pulling down and pulled her accuser side. Fuyutsuki was right. As soon as the two women let go, they all found that Yui's weight was easily supported.

"You heard me. What? Did all those years of steroid abuse effect your hearing as well?" Naoko words over stepped the boundary and she received a forceful slap from Kyoko. But she was to out done and so a slapping contest had started with each opponent delivering open palm slaps after each other.

SMACK

"WAAAAAA! My Shinji is gone!" Yui's mournful howl could still be heard between the slaps

SMACK

"Shouldn't we stop your mother Asuka?" Hikari asked her friend. It worried her that things were escalating violently out of the control.

"Give me 10,000 Yen on the Akagi woman." Asuka was handing over a note to Touji and Kensuke who had turn prize fighter book makers when the slap fest begun.

"You're betting against your own mother?" Touji said as he accepted the money. Kensuke was busily writing out the ticket stub.

"Hell yes! She needs to be taken down a peg or two."

Meanwhile, all the chaos and bedlam allowed Shinji to walk unnoticed to stand almost underneath his hangman mother.

"What are you doing?" he asked tiredly and still feeling the effects of a secondary story plunge out of a window.

"WAAAAAA!" Yui instantly stopped crying when he spoke. She looked down at him and blinked her eyes in disbelief. She blinked again to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.

"SHINJI!" With the strength of a raging bull at a rodeo, she easily disposed of the people trying to save her life. Then like a ninja she twisted herself up and used her ancient wooden spoon technique to slice through the rope. Completing the full twist, she landed neatly on the floor before her son.

"It's okay now Shinji sweetie…" she pulled him into a hug and began stroking his hair. "Death must have been scary but mummy is here to protect you."

She pulled away from the hug and looked around her surroundings

"So this is what heaven looks like?" the mother mused. "It's a lot like back on Earth.

Shinji sighed. He knew he had to try and explain things to his mother but it was guarantee to make his headache worst.

"You're not dead and this isn't heaven." He deadpan.

Yui looked around some more to see that his son was right. Naoko and Kyoko were still busy in the slap-a-thon. The children seem very interested in the outcome of the fight. Bodies of her friends and work mates lay around the room after being thrown about like rag dolls.

"AHHH! I'm haunted by visions of my poor, dead son!" she believed that her son was dead and he had return to her in spiritual form.

Shinji face faulted.

"Quick! Someone call the Vatican! We have to help my baby boy complete his journey to the other side." She raced off to the reception desk and grabbed and telephone book from the counter. Yui then picked up the phone and dialled a number.

"Hello operator? Give me the area code for Italy, Rome and hurry this is an emergency." She then turned towards the group. "Does anyone here know how to speak Italian?"

"Perhaps we could use this to communicate with my brother." She walked forward with an Ouija board.

"Great thinking Rei sweetie!" Yui dropped the phone with the person on the other end still yelling abuse in Italian. She jumped the counter and quickly ran over to her daughter. But before she could she get her hands on the spiritual tablet, Ritsuko snatched it out of Rei's grasp.

"Stop being a total moron!" the Akagi daughter yelled at Yui.

"Shinji is not dead and I'll show you." She used the Ouija board and whacked it on top of Shinji's head.

"What was that for!" the young boy asked, clearly annoyed as he rubbed the place where he was hit.

"If Shinji was dead then how would he feel pain and could I be able to hit him with this?" Ritsuko growled as she threw the board down on the ground, making a clattering sound.

"No! Ritsuko must be a ghost as well!" Yui had put two and two together and gotten forty seven. She pulled out two wooden spoons and placed them in a crucifix.

"Be gone evil banshee woman! Get away from my Shinji!"

"Wait a minute everyone!" Uncharacteristically, Misato spoke up and sounded like she was going to be the voice of reason. "I think I have a way to prove everything."

She walked over to Shinji and then bent down at the waist to meet him at eye level. Their faces were almost touching and this made Shinji uncomfortable. She had a look in her eyes that was almost animalistic with a hint of mischievousness.

WOOSH

Then like lighting Misato had grabbed Shinji by the pants and yanked them down. He just stood there in all his glory, stunned at what had just happened.

"You see only my Shinji would have a package like that." Misato said with pride while still holding the poor boy's pants and underwear in the air.

"ARGH!" The stooges and Kawrou yelled in disgust. "Oh God I'm blind!"

"Oh Shinji…" Yui said wiping a tear from her eye. "I'm so glad that my baby boy has grown up to become a man."

"GIVE THOSE BACK!" Shinji tried to steal his pants back from Misato but she was too quick for him. She tossed them to the still feuding Naoko and Kyoko. The garments land on their heads. It was enough for them to stop slapping each other silly to see what was going on.

"That's it Shinji! Let's skip the foreplay and get right down to business!" A frustrated, embarrassed and half naked Shinji Ikari charged towards them. Kyoko was keen and liked the show of initiative from the young man.

"No! Why do you get to go first!" Naoko complained.

"And let you break him in? Ha, you've got to be kidding me. Ten minutes with you and he'll be off women forever." Kyoko had managed to hit a soft spot in her friend. She felt pleased, it was payback for the uncalled for comments about her German connection and the weight lifting team.

The slap-a-thon turned into a wrestling match and in the process Shinji's clothes got tossed aside again. He chased after them and watched them sail in the air across the room. The pants landed in one pair of hands and his underwear in another. He slowly looked up to see the owners of the hands to be Asuka and Mana.

Shinji stopped still. His entire body froze on the stop. He felt his heart stop and his brain cease functioning.

Asuka and Mana blinked very slowly at Shinji's half naked form before them. They turned to each other for a moment and then looked back at Shinji. Their heads tilted almost robotic like from his face to his groin area back to face and then back to his groin.

"Oh crap…" right then hiding his shame became the least of his worries.

"BAKA HENTAI!" both girls scream and delivered simulation punches; Asuka with a right and Mana with her left. Then just like his pants moments ago, Shinji sailed across the room like he had been shot from a canon. It looked like he was going to have a very rough landing on the inn floor but a giant sack snatched him out of the air.

"HA!" Misato squealed with delight as she pulled the cords along the top of the bag to keep Shinji from getting out.

"You girls snooze, you loose." She pulled down one of her eye lids and stuck her tongue out at the group. By the time everyone realise what she had done, she was already out of the room.

"GET HER!" the group shouted and the Great Chase for Shinji Ikari had begun.

Rei was closest to the door that Misato ran out and so she was in front of the pack. She would have stayed in the front if it wasn't for Yui grabbing on her collar and holding her back.

"Come on Rei. Shinji will have fun playing with the girls. We have work to do."

The daughter gave a look of confusion and bewilderment. She didn't understand what work her mother was talking about that was more important than saving Shinji from the imminent capture by the horde.

GREAT CHASE FOR SHINJI IKARI

Misato had gotten the drop on the group and she had a good lead on her pursuers. She amazingly had didn't seem to lose her pace with the extra load of Shinji in the sack. Misato ducked into the kitchen. Her plan was to hide the walk in freezer until they gave up looking for them.

As she stood in front of the cold room door, a thought cloud appeared above her. She pictured herself and Shinji cuddling each other to keep warm in a snow landscape. They were naked. She suggested that this was the best way to conserve body heat. Her hands began to wonder and one thing lead to another.

"Don't Shin-chan. It won't be long until we get to have our little private time." She spoke to the struggling lad in the bag while wiping the drool from her mouth. All she got back was a bunch of muffled cries.

She had one hand on the cold room door handle and things were looking good until…

WHACK

A steel pot made contact with her skull and she collapsed onto the floor. A hand caught Shinji in the bag before it hit the floor.

"You should watch were you are going, Misato-chan," Kyoko said, her voice filled with sarcasm. She then made her way out of the kitchen and into the change rooms for the hot springs. Thinking that no one would think about following then here she relaxed for a moment and open the bag to check on its passenger.

"Hi Shinji," she said cheerfully into the opening. "What do you say that we finish our little date from the other night?"

"LET ME…" Kyoko quickly closed the bag up again to cut him off.

Kyoko had her own little day dream. They were in the change rooms and she was disrobing in preparation for a bath. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind. It was Shinji and he began whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

"Don't worry… You won't be complaining about what I have planned for the both of us," she said licking her lips.

WHACK

Two wooden buckets used by patrons attending the hot spring slammed into the back of Kyoko's head. The older woman was instantly seeing stars.

"Getting old mama…" Asuka sneered at her unconscious mother before putting in a cheap shot of a kick to her backside.

"Come on Asuka!" Mana was struggling with the sack and feared that the others may come soon. The two rivals had teamed up together to retrieve their favourite boy. They both conceded that it was almost impossible for them to get Shinji back when against the full force of the mothers and the other women.

"Fine…" The young red head huffed as she stopped putting the boot into her mother.

"Why don't we just let him out instead of dragging the bag around?" Hikari didn't want to play of their little game but she had been convinced to take part by Asuka. The idea of dragging around a fellow classmate against his will in a giant sack didn't really appeal to the class representative.

"Duh! Don't you remember? Baka Shinji doesn't have any pants on." Asuka reminded her best friend. The image of a pants-less Shinji was still vivid in her mind. The image also flashed through Mana's mind. The girls looked at each other as if they all knew what each other were thinking.

"I won't tell if you won't tell." Asuka said to the other girls. They nodded knowing what she was referring. Mana slowly opened the bag and they all peered into it.

"MANA! GET ME…" Just like Kyoko, Mana closed the bag before Shinji could finish.

"Did you see it?" Hikari asked with a slight blush across her cheeks.

"Ah… not really… Do you wanna have another look?" Asuka was lying. She had gotten a good peek before and just then. She wasn't going to admit but she wanted to see it again. After all, it was her first time that she had properly seen a man's anatomy and they were at the age all teenagers began to explore their sexuality. It wasn't like the other girls were any different. Mana opened the sack again slowly.

"GET ME!" And before he could finish or make a break for the opening Mana closed it shut again. They all shared a quick girly giggle.

'Why does this always keep happening to me?' Shinji thought as he heard the sound of the girls giggle outside. Air in the sack was beginning to get hot and heavy.

'Just how much air do I have in here?' his thoughts changed when he realised how difficult it was breathing.

Satisfied with the private show, the girls began to drag their prize away. They pulled him into the hot spring where the slippery tiles made it easier for them to haul Shinji around. Asuka's plan was to make a hole in the fence and make their getaway into the forest. If they could just make it to the tree line then the undergrowth would provide adequate cover.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

A series of bangs almost like gunshots startled the girls. Before they could react or the fear had a chance to be registered by their brains, they felt themselves be pushed away from the sack that was carrying Shinji. Their backs hit the wall of the inn behind them and they found that their clothes were nailed in placed.

"Tsk… tsk… tsk…" Naoko approached the girls sporting an air compressed nail gun. It had been modified with duct tape so the safety trigger was engaged that allowed her to fire at will. The tool had been used by her when she was remodelling the hot spring layout.

"I'll admit it was clever of you young ones to team up together and you actually got pretty far." Her words just made Asuka angrier and struggle some more.

"Damn you Akagi! Who said that guns were allowed?" Asuka hissed at the older woman.

"Silly girl." Naoko flicked her victim on the forehead. "No one ever said anything about having no guns and besides this is a tool. It's a nail gun."

"It shoots projectiles. It's a gun!"

"Argue all you want but you're stuck there and I'm going over there." She pointed to the sack where Shinji was being held capture.

"Come on! Someone do something!" Mana said trying her hardest to break free but it was pointless as Naoko stalked over to Shinji like a predator would its prey.

"Alright Shinji!" She open the top of the sack a poked her head in. "Don't you think it's time we finished your lesson of the Kama Sutra?"

A hand from behind grabbed Naoko by the neck and pulled her head out.

"What do you think your doing?" Ritsuko asked her mother.

"What does it look like?" the mother slapped her daughter's hand away. "I'm giving Shinji some special tuition."

She went to put her head back in the bag but Ritsuko stopped her again.

"This isn't school time for kiddies! You're talking about sexual assault."

"That's just a matter of opinion. Why don't you be a good girl and keep watch for me? I promise that you can have Shinji after I'm done."

"I can't believe that I'm related to you…" Ritsuko grabbed her mother's hand and began leading her away.

"Look, if you wanted to go first all you had to do was ask."

"Yes… WHAT! NO! I mean…" the young blonde's lapse in concentration allowed her to be caught out.

"AH HA! I knew my little Ritsuko liked someone." And then the teasing began.

"Ritsu and Shinji, sitting in the tree. K. I. Double S. I. N. G." Naoko sang.

"Stop it you're acting like a child!" Ritsuko's face was slowly getting redder by the moment.

"Hang on! Let me ask Shinji if he likes you." Naoko broke her daughter's hold and bolted to the bag.

"Hey Shinji guess what?" She poked her head back in the bag and sang. "I know someone who likes you!"

"ARGH!" the animalistic growl was followed by shattering glass and a body flying out of the window above the three girls nailed to the wall of the inn.

"Alright! Who wants to fight!" It was Misato who had recovered from her meeting with the cast iron pot and she was pissed. She held two frying pans in each hand and wore a larger pot on her head as a helmet.

After her entrance and sound of a chainsaw cutting through timber filled the air. The blade of the chainsaw appeared through the door of the hot spring. Soon it had cut another opening and Kyoko emerged carrying the petrol driven saw.

"Asuka. Langley. Sohryu." With each word of her daughter's name she revved the machine of destruction.

"I'm scared, Asuka," Hikari said to her friend with a quiver in her voice.

"Come on! Bring it on!" Asuka dared her mother to come forth. The anger and adrenalin coursing through her body had clouded her better judgment. Hikari look to the other side to see Mana saying a quiet prayer.

Naoko quickly grabbed her nail gun again. She had Shinji for the moment and wasn't going to let me go.

It was the final showdown. This was the moment where the survivor would be able to claim Shinji as their prize. They were like wolves fighting over a carcass of the kill. It was going to be vicious and ugly.

As they were about to commence, Shinji used the time to fight his way out of the bag. He only poked his head out because he still didn't have any pants on.

"STOP THIS!" he shouted while sucking in the fresh air. Everyone looked at him in puzzlement.

"There's no point to this. There's no reason why you should fight."

Misato thought about her Shinji's words and then looked at the two mothers.

"Share?" she asked the both of them.

"Share? Share what?" Shinji asked totally confused by Misato. The three schoolgirls still nailed to the wall were also wondering what Misato was saying.

"I did have my hopes set on carving somebody up but a couple of rounds in the sack will do just as well," Kyoko admitted as she threw the chainsaw aside.

"I'm always for something new." Naoko tossed her weapon of choice aside as Misato put down her pot and frying pans.

"Hey Ritsu," Misato called out to her friend. "I'd ask you if you wanted to join, but Naoko's already in, and that would be just too weird."

"What are you talking about?" It then occurred to the blonde what the other women were eluding too.

"NO WAY! ABSOLUTELY NOT!" She made a beeline to Shinji. Ritsuko stood in front and spread her arms out, forming a human barrier.

"What the hell was going on?" Shinji wondered.

"Oh I don't mind if my Ritsu joins us. Since we are going all the way we might as do it properly. She might get cranky because she doesn't like to be second." Naoko whispered the last bit to Kyoko which caused her to laugh.

"Are you sure? Misato is right. It is a little weird," Kyoko said between laughs.

"You know… you would think so but I don't…"

"Alright! It's all settled then!" Misato walked up to her friend standing in front of Shinji. "Out of the way Ritsu. It's feeding time in the monkey house and they want their banana."

"Who's sharing monkeys now?" if Shinji was confused before now he was losing IQ points.

"What you are talking about is immoral and not to mention against the law! I can't let you do this." Ritsuko was adamant to stop the orgy the older women had discussed for poor Shinji.

"Fine… You can have first crack," Misato conceded and looked at her watch. "You have five minutes so hurry."

"Five minutes?" her friend's features changed from defiant to upset. "There's no way that anyone can get off in five…"

She had been caught out again and quickly slapped her hands over mouth as she was slowly turning into a deep shade of red again.

"Who's getting off in five minutes?" Shinji's brain was slowly turning into goo.

"AH HA!" Misato, Kyoko and her mother shouted on the top of their lungs.

"You naughty little thing! All this time you denied it but now the truth comes out." Kyoko words were followed up by Naoko pinching her daughter's cheeks. Ritsuko wanted a hole to appear beneath her and just swallow her up. There was no way she was going to live this down.

"Hey Asuka, do you know what they are talking about?" Hikari asked. She thought they were talking about sharing something with Shinji. She didn't know that it was Shinji that was going to be shared between them.

"I have no idea but if that blonde bitch likes Shinji, then that could be problem…" she said short of admitting her true feelings of the boy. She had a hard enough time of keeping Misato and the others away from the boy and didn't need another one to be added to the list.

"Come on girls!" Yui appeared in the opening that Kyoko made with some sort of gun. It wasn't normal and larger than the hunting rifle she had this morning. She also wore a backpack which was also attached by a rubber tube to the gun. A heavy helmet rested on top of her head and she was chewing on the handle of a wooden spoon like an army sergeant would chew on a cigar.

"Play time is over. Lunch is almost ready and I think that my Shinji must be hungry."

Misato, Naoko and Kyoko looked at each other again before forming a tight huddle.

"I reckon we can take her," Kyoko whispered to the other two. They both nodded and started discussing a plan of attack.

"I think if Naoko laid down some fire cover with her nail gun. Kyoko and I can flank her. Once we get on top of her Naoko comes in and finishes off the job." The tactician in Misato was coming out.

They broke from the huddle, grabbed their weapons and went into position ready for the assault. Yui just took one look at the formation and laughed.

"Do you really think you can take me down?"

"NOW!" the trio sprung into action but before Misato or Kyoko could get close with the kitchen utensils or chainsaw. Yui fired her weapon. A giant line of liquid fire almost thirty feet long shot out. The heat was so intense that Naoko's nails melted before reaching their target.

"Oh crap." Shinji didn't know what the women were talking about but he knew that now was a good time to hide back in the bag.

"IT'S HOT! IT'S HOT!" Ritsuko screamed while running around with a tiny flame on the top of her head. It seemed her hair dye was really flammable. Luckily for her Rei was on hand with a fire extinguisher. She completed the fire man look with the stripper outfit that the girls forced Shinji in a couple of nights ago.

"Thanks Rei!" her mother called out while still fighting out her attackers. Shinji's twin sister nodded and walked over to Asuka and the others.

"Well, just don't stand there gawking! Get us down wonder girl!" Asuka shouted. Rei just looked amused. She raised the nozzle of the extinguisher gave her long time neighbour a blast of the carbon dioxide mixture. The powder coated her to the sugar would a jelly donut.

"She wasn't on fire," Mana stated as a matter of fact. Everything else was practically alight yet she hosed down Asuka.

"I am aware of that." Rei gave the girl a small smile and all three of them shared a laugh at the expense of an unconscious Asuka.

The rush of the firepower from the flamethrower had Yui on a gun high. She was laughing maniacally as she torched the surrounding area. But motherly instincts were still hone in tight. Through all the noise she heard faint chime of the oven going off.

"Oh! My cake is done." She instantly dropped the heavy weaponry and equipment and hurried inside. It was Rei's and Shinji's favourite cheesecake. After baking she had to refrigerate. She had timed the baking and chilling so it would be ready after they had eaten lunch.

"We could have taken her…" Misato said before collapsing on the ground from exhaustion and heat stroke.

The maniacal laughter was replaced by a gentle sweet hum from the mother of two. It was like a switch had been turned on in her head from evil to good. The scary thing was that she mostly likely didn't have a switch and this was normal behaviour

But before she reached the kitchen someone had rang the bell at the front reception desk. She went to investigate who it could be and was surprised to see a short middle aged man standing there surrounded by a ground of beautiful young women at the counter.

"Oh, hello." The man was a little startled by Yui's appearance. "Are you the owner who I spoke with a week ago? We are the people wanting to book the entire inn for a couple of days." There was a moment of awkward silence as our favourite mother and the newly arrived guests looked at each other.

END OF CHAPTER

OMAKE - ADVENTURES OF CHIBI BAKA GENDO

Little Gendo woke up after being catapulted by his adoring wife of over fifteen years. He flicked himself off the ground with the skill of a gymnast. He brushed the dirt off as he rubbed his backside to try and get rid of the pain.

"Where am I?" he scratched his head as he surveyed his surroundings. He was in the middle of a grassy field with the occasional tree here and there.

"That woman is going to cop it when I get back." His chibi legs began the long journey back. But he stopped when he heard a faint distant whistling. The high pitch noise gradually got louder and louder.

"Oh crap…" Those were the last sentiments he uttered as the Baka Seeking missile made a direct hit with its target. A giant mushroom cloud could be seen rising in the distance for miles away. It left a huge crater in the earth. A fragment of the missile shell was embedded in the ground. A motif of a chibi penguin wielding a pair of wooden spoons was painted on it with the motto – _BAKA CLEANSING UNIT _written underneath.

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Hello readers! Many thanks for the reviews and positive feedback. Keep them coming and help me break the 100 mark. :P

Guess what? I actually have some usefully things to waffle on about this time. First off I'll like to name the following people who helped in the creative ideas in this chapter. Some of the idea I haven't put to MS Word yet but they come out soon.

Lord Raa  
The Wicker Man 1  
Koala Killer  
Shinji the Good Sharer  
Innortal

The other thing is the Omake – Adventures of Chibi Baka Gendo (CBG). If you are wondering, since Gendo was sent on his bike by Yui a few chapters back, thought what about a little omake series where he makes his way back to the main story. Of course random madness and Gendo bashing ahead. There will be little hints of the main story in the omake adventures but nothing that would affect the main plot or storyline (not as if I had one). Let me know what you think and whether I should continue.

I also got another offer for second level proof reading from Koalakiller, so from now on two sets of eyes will go over the chapter before posting.

That's it for the moment. Next chapter will see who the mysterious man is that has been double booked at the inn and why has he got a bevy of beautiful women following him. And what work was Yui talking about when she pulled Rei aside. Originally, I was going to include them in this chapter but it would have ended up like forty pages for something.

Thanks for reading,

Wonga316


	12. Chapter 12

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 12

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

MSN MESSENGER  
wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

DATE POSTED  
20050615

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

HANAMAKI INN

Misato Katsuragi glared at the new visitors to the inn. The current tenants were lined along one side of the dinning table and the so called intruders on the other side. She didn't like them. It wasn't that any of them abused or called her a childish name nor was she intimidated by their beauty or charm. Kaji with Hyuga, Aoba and Shinji's stooge friends were more easily swayed.

"How's the tea? Can I get you anything else?" Aoba asked anxious and eager to please the goddess in front of him.

"Have you even been skiing? I have my instructor's license and a cabin in the mountains. May be I can show you some time." Kaji was oozing his charisma, trying every trick in the book. Basically, he was just lying through his teeth. But the woman just flicked her hair and ignored his advances. She was more interested in returning the Death Glare™ from Misato.

Kensuke and Touji couldn't believe their luck. They thought things were good when Shinji's mother asked them to come along to the hot springs. This was their chance to see Misato in the flesh.

Now they had hit the jackpot. Kensuke immediately pulled out his digital video camera and began recording everything. He panned the camera to each girl and gave a running commentary.

"Ms. Akane Kobayashi. Age 22. Brown hair and hazel eyes. Interests include cooking and shopping." His camera scanned her perfectly shaped and proportion body that would make any man turn his head in the street. She noticed that she was on camera and gave a friendly wave.

"Ms. Nanami Wakase. Age 23. Blonde hair and brown eyes. Mother is American and father is Japanese. Spent early childhood in the US before returning to Japan." She gave a sexy wink at the camera. She was a taller then the rest of the girls due to her mother's heritance. The guys just could stop staring at her silky smooth leg which seemed to just keep going and going.

"Ms. Nao Yoshizaki. Age 20. Black hair and brown eyes. The youngest of the group and had cutest baby face. Her interests include music and open air cinemas." She bowed at the camera as a sign of playful respect.

"Ms. Yuka Osawa. Age 21. Black hair and green eyes. Her exquisite beauty combined with her rare emerald eye colour made her an instant success in front of the cameras. And runner up to Ms. Japan last year." Her eyes narrowed into small slits when Kensuke mention her runner up in the beauty pageant. But even upset she had a beauty but dangerous thing happening

"Ok. Last but not least." Kensuke quickly knew he made a mistake and turned his sights on the final visitor.

"Ms. Saki Ninomiya. Age 23. Fair hair and brown eyes. The current reigning Ms. Japan! Before that she graced the covers of magazines and fashion shows. What more needs to be said?" With the camera on her and Kensuke's words she stood up and spun away, giving everyone a look at her. Her splendour was unrivalled. She had the looks of a super model and the girl next door at the same time.

"If you keep staring like that you get wrinkles." Saki huffed at the older woman after her little twirl. Her figure was up there with Misato's. Her perfectly shaped legs went up to a luscious petite backside. The blouse she was wearing was buttoned up in the middle and a small glimpse of the black lace bra supporting her ample chest. She had a million dollar smile to match her flawless and perfect face.

"You stay away from my Shinji!" Misato snarled and slammed her beer can on the table. Each woman flashed back to the events that led up to the hostile situation.

The new visitor's arrived just as everyone had finished playing catch with Shinji as the ball stuffed half naked in a duffle bag. Our beautiful stranger was shocked to see the poor young man in such a state and quickly when to his side.

"Are you okay?" She asked full of concern as she removed Shinji from the bag. Before turning to modelling full time she was studying to be a nurse until the fame and fortune cam knocking on her doorstep.

Misato saw that way she was touching her Shinji and mistook them as advances. It didn't help the cause that he was naked from the waist down.

"It looks like you have a concussion." She said aloud while check his pupils.

"Don't touch him!" Misato grabbed the women's hand reefed it away with great force.

"What's your problem bitch!" She yelled back and her friends came to her aid. Naoko and Kyoko weren't to be out done and joined in as well as the school girls except from Asuka who was still unconscious from her carbon dioxide overdose.

The staring contested continued as Asuka and Shinji lay unconscious next to each other in the next room. Asuka was first to wake and she was in a bad mood thanks to the splitting head ache. She sat up and noticed her surroundings had changed. Asuka was inside for starters but that wasn't what bothered her. A blanket had been draped across the both of them. As sat up she noticed that Shinji still wasn't wearing any pants. He wasn't fully exposed; just a glimpse of skin on his hip could be seen.

The unmistakable sounds of people arguing came from the other room. She looked up but her eyes kept falling back down towards Shinji's groin area.

'If everyone is out there… That means…' the young redhead's mind began ticking. She carefully and quietly lifted up the remaining part of the blanket covering Shinji.

'Should I touch it?' She couldn't believe what she was asking herself. Right before her was Shinji's prized jewels and she was contemplating taking advantage of the situation. The both of them had shared the same bed before and even walked in on one other while they were bathing but this was taking things to the next level.

'Of all the times I accused him of taking advantage of me… Look at me now!' but her thoughts were easily overpowered by her hormones and curiosity.

'I wonder how it feels...' That was her final thought as her arm reached into the blanket. She was so preoccupied with what was in front of her that she failed to see Shinji begin to wake.

"What the…" he grumbled trying to open his eyes and when did open them he found himself still half naked and Asuka reaching towards the little Shinji. This quickly got his senses together.

"What are you doing?" he asked plainly which caused her to freeze like a statue.

"Sh… Sh… Shinji…" Asuka stuttered nervously and slowly cranked her head side ways to face him while her body remained perfectly still. There was utter silence between the girl and boy. Even the growing shouting from the next room couldn't penetrate the deadening silence.

"Asu…" Shinji was first to say something but he wasn't the quickest or the loudest.

"EEEEEE! BAKA HENTAI PERVERT!"

Like lightening, Asuka's famous right hook came from no way and connected with Shinji's jaw. For the third time today Shinji sailed threw the air by a female. He went through the bamboo and rice paper door with ease.

"You're lucky that…" before Misato could finish attacking her new arch nemesis, the beautiful model was taken out by Shinji like footballer would a tackle dummy.

"HA! Serves you right!" Misato scoffed and tipped the remaining beer into down her throat. Saki couldn't respond. She was seeing stars and little birds danced along the massive lump on her head.

"That's it Shinji! Kick her butt!" She threw the half crushed can at the unconscious Ms. Japan

"Not again…" Dr. Akagi slapped her forehead as she went to retrieve the first aid kit again.

"Wow… I never knew Shinji was so frisky…" Naoko whistled impressed by Shinji's sudden burst of energy.

"And flexible." Kyoko finished off. Both mothers didn't seem to be concern with possibly injured woman and most likely injured Shinji. She quite impressed with the way the young man could twist his body like that. They both smiled at the same time as each imaged what they could get up to after having learnt of Shinji's flexible body.

"Hey!" Asuka shouted at her mother and Naoko from the opening that Shinji made in the wall.

"I know that look I your eyes! And hands off!" The young red head stomped over and grabbed Shinji's leg. She started dragging him out of the room like a cave woman had just clobbered her caveman.

"Okay everyone!" The familiar voice of Yui Ikari came from the doorway and behind her stood the gentleman who greeted her at the reception desk. He was a relatively small stocky man with thick glasses. His hair was thinning on top and the comb over was more than a little obvious which matched his tacky clothes.

Before Yui continued she saw her little boy being dragged by his hind legs. Everyone backed away in fear. They knew a Yui explosion was imminent when she would see her precious Shinji unconscious.

"I… I… I can explain…" Asuka gulped.

"I use to play that game with Shinji's father all the time Asuka-chan." The mother patted Asuka on the head and everyone face faulted. She stepped over Saki's body and sat at the table.

"Don't forget the grandkids, Asuka." Yui said winking at her which caused her to blush profusely.

"It's nothing like!" she shouted back trying to defeat her actions.

"Yeah right!" everyone chorused even Misato who never missed an opportunity for a ribbing.

"SHUT UP!" She picked up the pace and quickly left the room with Shinji dragging behind.

"Isn't this so exciting?" Yui giggled like a little schoolgirl.

"That's my son and I'm going to be a grand mother soon." The four remaining models just looked at like she was a crack pot and gave a patronising smile.

'Where is she going?' Rei's eyes narrow into tiny slits as she watched her brother be drag away by the big red monster. She was overly concern for her brother's well being. So far today he had been shot at, fallen from a second story window, rendered unconscious, removed of his pants, punched, thrown into a sack, almost barbequed by a flamer thrower, unconscious again, punched a second time, ploughed through a wall and now dragged away.

'This is unacceptable… I must put a stop to this at once…'

"Allow me to introduce myself." As Asuka left with her trophy the small man stepped forwarded and introduced him himself.

"My name is Amada Tasuku." He held out bunch of his business cards for everyone in typical Japanese business etiquette.

"Where have I heard that name before?" asked aloud Mana.

"Sapporo Breweries Limited," Fuyutsuki read the company name on the card aloud.

"Officially, I'm only contracted to Sapporo Breweries for this project. They were very kind to provide me with business cards," Amada continued.

"Of course! You're the famous photographer. I remember going to see your exhibition in Kyoto last month." Mana knew she had heard of the name before and suddenly recollected her father's business trip to Kyoto. The whole family went and while the father conducted his business, Mana and her mother saw the sights and sounds of the city.

"Then that means…" Kaji, Hyuga and Aoba chorus together. The appearance of a photographer and the models could only mean one thing.

"That is correct. We are here to shoot the…"

"Yebisu Calendar Girls!" The three males chorus again. They formed a circle and dance merrily around like all their Christmas's have come at once. Touji began pumping his fist in the air like he had won the school basketball final and Kensuke fainted.

"Pigs…" all the girls including the models muttered at the typical male behaviour except for Yui who remain calm with her hands folded on the table. I not so subtle cough from her got everyone to calm down.

"It turns out that Tasuku-san booked the inn for a couple of days before we did to shoot the new Yebisu calendar. We just contacted the owners and they have apologies for the mix up. They even gave all of us a discount for the trouble. "

"Mr. Tasuku," Nao Yoshizaki said shyly and then pointed to the fallen Saki Ninomiya.

"Good greatness!" He rushed to Saki side to see if she was all right.

"Here, allow me to fix her up real good." Misato began rolling her sleeves up, spat in her hands and rubbed them together. Payback was a bitch and she had the name of Misato Katsuragi.

"She must be tired from the long road trip." Yui quickly and skilfully grabbed her adopted niece by the back of the shirt and yanked her down.

"In fact why don't all you get some rest. There are more than enough rooms for all of us and there is no reason why you can't start working tomorrow." She addressed the new visitors.

"One day lost isn't so bad. I've worked in less time." Tasuku agreed with Yui's thinking. They filed out of the main room to retrieve their things from the mini van.

The males of the room looked disappointed when they heard no raunchy photo shoots were going to happen today.

"Oh don't be sad boys." Yui instantly knew what caused the glum faces on their faces.

"You have all these beautiful and intelligent women to keep you company." Yui was referring to Misato and her friends. All the guys looked at each other for a moment before they burst of laughing. Touji and Kensuke had tears coming from their eyes and were rolling on the floor.

"Hey Ken let me borrow those glasses." Kaji reach down and pulled off the boy while clutching his side because of the stitch he got from laughing to hard.

"I just want to make sure my eyes aren't that bad. Perhaps I need to check the dictionary for the definition of beautiful again."

"You might want to look up intelligence as well," Fuyutsuki said. He wasn't laughing as hard as the other but he did have a small snicker. The man had his calm, cool reputation to look after.

As they continued to laugh out loud, the anger levels in the room were building. It's a well know fact that animals can sense danger. The forest animal would poke their head out and sniff the wind. Then quickly scurry away to their hiding spots. Pen-pen felt ominous tension as well. He put on his custom made army helmet and hid in the kitchen freezer.

Just before all hell broke loose, Yui miraculously pulled out an umbrella and whipped it open. She also picked up her tea to make sure it didn't spill.

"BAKA KAJI!" Misato let out a roar which was followed by a king hit which sent the man with the ponytail flying. The other girls jumped in as well. It was like a shark feeding frenzy. The blood was in the water and nothing was going to stop it now.

The umbrella that Yui put up had it purposes now. Blood had a tendency to spray everywhere and was really hard to get out in the wash. Her umbrella would protect her from the sticky liquid. She was on holidays and didn't feel like doing any extra chores. A stray tooth came out of the melee and skip across the table.

"I wonder if Shinji and Asuka have finished making my grand child?" Just the thought of this made her all warm and fuzzy inside. She giggled behind her cup of tea as blood-spattered and battered body bounced on the table in front of her and left a bloody smear.

UPSTAIRS

"You can stop dragging me around now." After the second time Shinji's head thumped the edge of the step he was awake. The mean rash he was starting to develop on his buttocks also alerted him to the fact he wasn't moving under his own will and something was wrong.

"What and have you butt naked behind me? Who knows what perverted thing you'll do?" Asuka pretended to scowl but was trying to hide a minor blush across her features.

She quickened the pace and in no time they had reached his room.

"Ouch!" Shinji complained as Asuka had released his legs and they hit the floor with a thud.

"Hurry and put some pants on." She ordered and turned away. Shinji wasn't really paying attention. He was busy checking the damage done on his behind.

"What are you doing?" The young red head that grown impatient and turned back around. She didn't know whether to be embarrassed or disgusted. The sight of a half naked Shinji Ikari checking out his own butt was not something she saw everyday.

"Asuka!" Shinji quickly covered himself with his hands when he noticed that she was facing him.

"Baka! Please put some pants on. I don't think my stomach could handle any more." She cleverly covered herself with a smart remark and turned back around.

"Could you leave the room?" he asked timidly.

His request got her thinking that she had possibly made a mistake.

'If I stay here will he figure out how I feel? No! I've known baka Shinji for ever and he's more dense now than before. But still…'

When Asuka didn't reply, Shinji just went about finding some pants. Unknown to the both of them a pair of red eyes were watching them like a hawk would its prey.

Rei had slipped away during the girl's melee on the guys. Her overwhelming concern for her only brother had forced her to act like a peeping tom. But it was a small price to pay to protect him from any harm. Her eyes narrowed into slits again when Asuka didn't compile with Shinji's request to leave the room.

"I will protect him…" She whispered to herself as she pulled out a small control pad from her back pocket. There was a piece of masking tape on the side of the device. It read – _Shinji Security System Version 1.0._ To make the label complete a chibi smiley face of mother and daughter was drawn. Rei waited for the right moment pressed the red button on it.

WHOOSH

SPLAT

The ceiling above Asuka mechanically opened. Fish guts and offal rained down upon her like a shower. The smell was putrid and Shinji instantly pinched his nasal passages shut.

Asuka went through the standard emotions.

Fear – She hadn't expected anything like this and it scared the crap out of her.

Curiosity – She didn't know what cold wetness of the fish offal was at first. But after one sniff…

Disbelief – She was Asuka Langley Sohryu; one of most popular and respected girls at her school. She believed that no one in their right mind would even conceive about do such a thing.

Then anger – This was Asuka's favourite emotion. But this time it wasn't normal Asuka tantrum. This was an explosion on a par with Mt. St. Helens inside the package of a fourteen age old teenager.

"Ah… Asuka…" Shinji was really hesitant to say something but the sight and smell of fish juice evaporating off his neighbour was something to worry about.

"BAKA SHINJI!" She screamed on the top of her lungs like nothing before.

"Oh crap…" He said as he waited for the impending pain to come his way. But at least this time he had pants on.

"WARK!" A head of a prehistoric penguin popped out from the window. The bird sniffed the air and then waddled inside. It straight up to Asuka and sniffed her again.

"WARK WARK!" The penguin scout had confirmed the target and relayed the message back to the group. Suddenly more prehistoric penguins began to appear from everywhere. They all sniffed the air once again and then looked directly at fish favoured Asuka.

"What the hell are you all gawking at!" She spat at them but all of the birds just saw a giant sardine with an ugly red wig. They began to salivate and moved in.

Meanwhile just outside Shinji's room, his mother was busy with another penguin.

"Will you stop complaining, Pen-pen?" Yui said while struggling with Saki Ninomiya's legs. The fight between the males and females was over in the first thirty seconds and she had finished her tea. She couldn't carry the current Miss Japan to a guest room on her own and enlisted the help of the family pet since he was the only male not currently with the snot beaten out of him.

"WARK!" Pen-pen snapped back at her.

'Stupid female human! I've got the heavy end!' The warm water bird thought as he used all his might to support the body and head of the unconscious woman.

The door to Shinji's room busted open and Asuka flew past the pair. On her tail was the pack of prehistoric carnivorous penguins.

"Oh look. Asuka is playing with your girlfriends, Pen-pen." Yui said with a smile as watched the young red head flee for her life down the hall way. The mother then turned her attention to her son in the room.

"That was quick Shinji-sweetie. You don't mess around. So should I be getting the spare room prepared for my first grandchild? I have the wall paper and colour scheme all picked out." She hastily dropped the models legs and pulled out a sample book from an interior decorator.

"Nothing happened," the young Ikari male walked over to her and took over from Pen-pen. The little bird thanked him with a formal bow and then set off to after Asuka and the others.

'If I don't get there quickly, I'll only have what's left of the carcass,' the bird thought.

"My little Shinji has become a man. I'm so proud of you." She wiped a tear from her eye.

OUTSIDE HANMAKI INN

"Are you sure that it's safe to stay here?" the beauty named Akane asked the photographer. She voice the concern shared by the rest of him. After Saki's accident followed by an all out bawl in the main room worried them. The icing on the cake was Asuka's tremendous shriek.

"They are just a little strange. But after talking to Ikari san, we have nothing to fear." Tasuku replied while still unloading his equipment from the back of the mini van.

"But that woman was really scary…" Yuka the youngest of the group was easily frightened by Misato's aggressive behaviour. To her she seemed like some sort of woman beast with flaring nostrils, demonic eyes and horns protruding from the top of her head.

"Hahaha… You have a very creative imagination Ms. Osawa," the short man laughed. "But there is no reason to be afraid."

Just as the Amada Tasuku spoke, a body came flying out of the main room where the fight was happening. Glass and wood splinters shattered everyway. The new visitors shielded their faces from the flying debris. The body hit the ground awkwardly and rolled within a few feet of them.

"He's dead! Let's get the hell out of here!" some one of the girls yelled and jumped straight into the driver seat of the mini van. The rest of the girls followed suit and piled in. Before Tasuku, could say anything the body which was presumed dead sat up and stood on its feet.

"I never knew Naoko could use the nun-chucks." Fuyutsuki checked his jaw to make sure everything was still in place. He quickly realised where he was and tried to save his embarrassment.

"Please excuse my interruption," the old man said with a cough and offered formal bow. He then started to walk back towards the inn.

"You see!" Nanami Wakase said to the group. "They're all crackpots. Flying out a window isn't something normal people do everyday."

"Ok… Ok…" the photographer sensed that the models really wanted to leave. Past experience had taught him that upset models always ended up in with a stressful photo shoot. He didn't particularly like taking on these sorts of jobs but they generally paid better than his passion of more artistic photography.

"We still have to get Saki. So let head back in. I'll have to explain our change of plans to Ikari san." Tasuku was a decent man and always did the right thing. He led the group of tentative models back into the inn.

Tasuku lead the group through the main foyer. Every time a sudden crash or a wail of pain came from the room where the battle royale was happening the girls would clutch onto each other instinctively.

"I hope Saki is ok," one of the girls whispered as they trudged through what they thought was the house of horrors at the local fair.

Because they were huddling closely together, they failed to see the trip wire at the base of the stairs. Plus it was something that you didn't normally look out for inside an inn.

All of a sudden, the violent sounds of the fight were drone out by a growing rumbling. One of the models had a hand on the stair's banister. She noticed that it slowly began to shake in rhythm with ominous rumbling from the top of the stair case.

"EEEKKK!" Yuka screamed on the top of her lungs when she realised that it was an enormous boulder rolling their way. They immediately turned tail and ran the other way.

"WE'RE GOING DIE! WE"RE GOING DIE!" Nanami shouted as she ran as fast as she could. High school was the last time she went this fast and her legs were going to give way. Luckily someone had the foresight to pull everyone to the left and into the table tennis room. The boulder continued on its straight path, right out the front door and over the top of their mini van.

"Oh God! We have no way to leave now." Nao said as she observed the now pancake steel mini van. The other Yebisu calendar girls slumped to the ground from exhaustion and fright. But before they could contemplate the full extent of no more mini van, there was something else in the room with them.

"What's this?" Akane felt something bother the back of her neck like an annoying label on a brand new shirt. She reached back and pulled it out in front of her.

HISS…

"EEEKKK!" she threw the almost six foot snake across the room, only to have another land on the top of her head. It slithered down her face and flickered its tongue at her.

"OH MY GOD SNAKES!" someone pointed out that the ceiling was totally covered in the legless creatures. Soon it began raining snakes and the inn was starting to become a true house of horrors.

UPSTAIRS

"You like these little booties?" Shinji's mother held a pair of matching blue and pink knitted boots in each hand.

"What about them?" Shinji was starting to loose his patience with Yui's obsession with grand children. After she went through every colour combination in the interior decorator book, she thought it was a good idea to show him what she had knitted. It didn't occur to her that he could have needed some help moving Saki into one of the spare rooms.

"You better not be starting to act like your baka father." His reaction caused an unpleasant look upon her face.

"Actually… where is father?" the boy hadn't seen his father in a while. Normally he would have been around for at least his daily beating.

"Don't worry about that poor excuse of a man. We have more important things to talk about." She waved the booties right in his face. Yui was about to launch into another episode of grandchildren when a gentle knock on the door saved him.

"Excuse me," Tasuku said entering the room. He took one look at the booties Yui was holding and it warmed his heart.

"Those remind me of the pair my wife knitted for my granddaughter." Shinji slapped his forehead knowing what Tasuku had said there was no running away from.

"OH REALLY!" Yui almost shouted. "You must have photos!"

"Of course." From his back pocket the older man pulled out a separate wallet, just for the purpose of holding his grand daughters photos.

"She's so adorable! How old is she?" they continued the banter and Shinji saw this as a possible chance for a getaway. He tipped toe to the door and managed to open it without the two adults noticing.

"STUPID BIRDS!" It was Asuka and it seemed that some of the penguins had caught up with her. She was putting up a good fight against the hundred odd feathered attackers. Shinji wasn't sure but she must have had at least five around her head and face pecking wildly and another half dozen around her ankles. Behind that were the stranglers, waiting for one of the front birds to get thrown off. They would then take its place.

"Pen-pen?" the family pet was in the mob with the stranglers holding up a set of massively out of proportion carving utensils. He seem like he was giving orders to the others.

"WARK WARK WARK WARK!" which translated as, "Distract her and then hack the hind leg off!"

Back inside the room the grand parent and hopeful grand parent continue their chat when a gap in the ceiling appeared. Rei floated down from the darkness with the skill and elegance of a stealth ninja. Her appearance wasn't noticed by Shinji or Tasuku, only her mother knew she was coming.

"Look at what I made Rei-sweetie!" she thrust her knitted booties in her face.

"Mother we have a situation," Rei said stoically.

"I'm aware. But don't worry the arrows we installed weren't poison tipped. I'm not sure about the snakes. I would have tested one on your father but he's no where to be found." The thought of Gendo caused her fist to ball up and she shook with rage. Rei shook her head. It was just like her mother to forget the fact that it was her that launch Gendo into orbit and then blame his disappearance on Gendo himself.

"Rei? When did you get here?" Surprised at his sister's appearance Shinji across the room but stopped when she held out her palm.

"Please a step to the left brother." She said without blinking.

"Huh?" It was a strange request but Rei would normally ask him to particular things at certain moments and they usually saved his life. He did so and a second later a spear shot up through the floor and impaled in the ceiling. If he hadn't listened to Rei's advice it would have been Shinji kebabs for dinner.

"Shinji!" Yui cried full of concern and immediately went over to check her son for any injuries. After making sure nothing harm her precious boy, her concern turned to anger.

"Who did this! I'll make them pay!" She whipped the trademark wooden spoon in an attack ready stance.

"The spear was installed by us, Mother, as part of the secure system for Brother's safety," Rei said in her usual calm tone. You couldn't tell but she was embarrassed by the fact that she had to remind her mother.

"Really? I don't remember it being in the blueprint." The mother looked puzzled and scratched her head with the wooden spoon. Rei let out a quiet sigh.

"A security system?" Shinji and Tasuku asked together. Mother and daughter went on to explain how Shinji's little disappearance had forced them to install such a facility. They used the time while the girls were playing happy sack with Shinji to set everything up. Although, not one told Shinji he was half naked and in the sack.

"So that's where you were…" Shinji mused.

"I even had time bake you and your sister's favourite cake…" She paused for a moment as if she remembered something.

"OH MY GOD! MY CAKE!" with the arrival of the new visitors and the sudden topic of grandchildren had made her forget about the cake she was baking.

"We have more pressing matters, mother," Rei not so gently reminded her often forgetfully parent.

"Well it is on the way to the kitchen. So I suppose we could stop by." Yui lead the way downstairs followed closely by Tasuku-san. Rei reached over and grabbed Shinji's hand.

"I won't let any harm come to you. Follow my exact footing," she said taking out of the room. Shinji gulped, he knew when his sister was serious and now was one of these moments.

"SHIT! SOMEONE HELP ME KILL THESE BIRDS!" Asuka was still running and fighting off her hungry attackers.

WHACK

Rei pulled out a wooden spoon of her own and delivered a blow to the redhead which set her unconscious to the floor. The birds flocked in and ready for feeding time.

"Rei!" Shinji couldn't believe what his sister had done.

"They are part of the security system. Mother intentionally made them hungry so they would attack with more ferociousness." She gave a straight out answer without even hesitating.

"I don't believe what you just said but I wasn't talking about that. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" He pointed to the wooden spoon in her left hand.

"This was mother's first spoon when she was training." She skilfully spun it around between her fingers like a drummer would a stick.

"It's smaller and lighter then the current model that Mother uses because it's the beginner's model."

"Good God…" Shinji and his father worst fear had come true. His family had now two wooden spoon wielding assassins. But before the news sunk in Rei began leading him away. She knew her brother didn't like the sight of blood and with feeding time about to begin it wasn't a good idea to stick around.

"WARK" Pen-pen was practically salivating as he sharpened his utensils to use them on his prey.

"What the hell happen here!" the brother and sister stood at the top of what use to be the staircase. Each step had been flatten and it almost resembled a ramp. It barely took both their weight but they managed to get down.

The unusual sound of a singing came from the main room. As they walked pass, Shinji caught a glimpse of all the women with arms over each other's shoulder chanting a victory song. The one woman not in the group was Ritsuko was busily attending each of the male victims around the room.

"I hope they're alight." Shinji said as he noticed that his friends weren't moving and Dr. Akagi was charging a portable defibrillator machine.

"CLEAR!" she called out before trying to jump start the male victim's heart.

"Try not to step on any snakes." Rei warned him as they entered the next room.

"SNAKES!"

"Yes. These are the same snakes that Mother mentioned earlier." She quickly guided him through without disturbing any of the snakes.

Rei had to pull up short in the next room when it was apparent that a massive pit was now where the floor was suppose to be. It was had been at least ten feet deep and at the bottom was one of the model lying face first in the muddy bottom. Just like his friends she wasn't moving either.

They scooted around the sides hugging the wall until they reached another one of the calendar girls stuck against the wall with numerous arrows.

"She has just fainted. The arrows have missed all your vital organs." Rei checked her pulse. Her steely nerve was starting to bug Shinji.

"We should move on." She quickly pulled him around without even thinking about trying the two young women. The next room was where Yui and Mr. Tasuku were.

"Be careful where you step." Rei brought Shinji's attention to the floor.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY!"

"Bear traps. I thought that was obvious." The rusted unmistakable shape of the steel traps littered the floor. A few had been set off and sent a reminder what would happen if you got caught.

"We didn't have enough bear traps so we substituted some with mouse traps." Rei explained as Shinji rubbed his temples.

"So which do you prefer? I personally like the peach combination." Yui was holding her décor book open and asking the photographer. He didn't response but remained still like a statue with his mouth open in awe.

"Don't like the peach hey… I guess it's only really a summer colour." As Yui continued to rant on, in front of them was another model swinging in a giant rope net like the ones they have on safari.

Just beyond the netted girl was the last one and she was frozen like an ice cube. The poor thing was only a few feet from the outside room. Now she was frozen in time with icicles hanging off her.

"Mother managed to connect all of the refrigeration units together to form an instant ice blast." Shinji couldn't handle anymore surprises or his sister's explanations. He buried his face in his hands and wished that everything was bad nightmare.

THE AFTERMATH

The clean up took a long time and it was well into the late afternoon that everything was back to where it was suppose to be or the best that they could manage. The men and the models were upstairs recovering from their respective ordeals. Luckily no serious injuries or deaths had occurred. Ritsuko with the defibrillator was just a misdiagnosis by the doctor, or so she said. It was surprising that a full jolt from the heart starting machine didn't kill Touji.

But Touji's well being was the least of everyone's worries. It was Shinji that everyone was concerned for. They had expected him to be angry and express that anger accordingly but this wasn't the case. He had just said five words which had more impact than anything shouted could have had.

_I don't care any more…_

Those were the five words were the last thing he had said to them before walking out of the inn. They were calling his name but he just continued walking away. It was only then that it dawn on everyone what had happen due to their actions.

Shinji didn't know how long he was walking the forest surrounding the hot springs but by the time he found his way back to the inn the sun was setting. The inn was quiet and peaceful which was unusual.

Led by Yui and Rei everyone quickly filed out of the inn to meet him. His mother was about to call his name but Shinji turn to his left began walking away from the group towards another entrance into the inn. He felt that he was still upset and confused at what to do. Instinctively he did what he always did which was to run away until it was absolutely necessary for him to face the issue.

Yui was about the give chase when someone grabbed onto her hand. She turned around and was about to give her a mouthful when she realised to was Tasuku-san.

"Would you mind if I spoke to him? I think a man to man chat might be better in this case," the short man said to her. She reluctantly agreed and allowed him to go after her son.

"Young man," Tasuku called out to Shinji, just before he made through a side door to the inn.

"Not now…" he sighed under his breathe. Shinji felt that one of them would go after him but didn't think it would be the newest visitor to the hot spring. Shinji stopped but didn't face Tasuku.

"I was wondering if you could show me around the area." Shinji turned around at this point and saw that he was carrying a camera with a long lens.

"This is the first time I've been to the Hanamaki region and I would like to test out my equipment on some of the natural beauty before getting down to shooting the calendar."

The chance to show Tasuku around gave Shinji a reason to stay away from the inn and the others. He accepted and the two went back out into the forest. They walked for a while without talking. Occasionally, they would stop and Tasuku would take some shoots. Eventually Shinji took him to the fresh water stream where he was kidnapped.

"Wow! I didn't think such places still existing in Japan today." The older man was amazed at the natural wonder before him.

"Just don't get too close to the water." Shinji advised him from past experiences. He was in no mode to go fishing after someone captured by a tribe of carnivorous penguins.

Tasuku was too busy snapping away to actually pay any real attention to Shinji's remark.

"So… How are the models?" Tasuku purposely ignored Shinji because he wanted him to be the first to open up. He did this by using his camera.

"Oh they are fine, although I'm glad that I'm not stuck in the same room as they are. We are talking about little princesses' attitudes combined with super model egos." Tasuku caused Shinji to smile a little.

"I know what you mean." Shinji said. He found a similarity in the models with his own family and friends.

"If you understand what I mean then why are you avoiding them?" Tasuku thought it was time to get to the point. It caused Shinji to look away from him.

"They… They just don't understand that they can't keep on behaving like that. Life's not something that you can take for granted or waste on silly idiotic games." The young man said with a bit of venom.

"That's true but life's also too short to be taken too seriously. If you can't enjoy yourself then what's the point of living?" Tasuku had a valid point and made Shinji think that he might have been a little hard on them.

"Oh… Looks like I'm almost out of battery." The photographer looked down at the battery gauge on his high end digital camera.

"Let's head back. I bet your mother has made nice dinner for you." Shinji nodded and pair made their way towards the inn.

HANAMAKI INN

True to his word, Tasuku and Shinji made it back to the inn and in the dinning room were two meals laid out. Yui and Rei were waiting patiently in the seats next to the placed meals. Misato was also at the table carelessly drawing circles from the condensation water from her beer cans on the table top. Naoko and Kyoko were lounging in front of the television, aimlessly flicking through the channels. Asuka and the school girls were in the corner flipping through a couple of magazines.

Shinji's mother and sister instantly looked up when he entered the room but didn't say anything. Shinji didn't say anything either, he took his seat in from of the meal and took a sip from the miso soup.

"The soup is nice." Shinji commented from behind the bowl. Yui and Rei instantly sat up and looked at the boy.

"The miso. It's nice." He commented again.

"OH SHINJI! YOU FORGIVE ME!" Yui screamed as both mother and daughter tackled him. His soup bowl went flying into the air as well as the liquid inside.

"I didn't say that!" he tried to get myself free from his mother and daughter's hugs.

"Oh thank you!" Yui repeated as she peppered his face with tiny little kisses.

"Alright! Let the drinking begin." Misato reached in and hauled Shinji across the table to her side. She held the poor boy in her patent Misato hold which involved Shinji's face buried between her sizable breasts.

"Beer always tastes better with my Shin-chan!" She yelled cracking open a Yesibu can and jiggling her assets in Shinji face.

"Get off him you drunk slut!" It was Asuka this time that grabbed Shinji and pulled in away. She was standing on the table with Shinji collapsed by her side.

"Now that everything is back to normal, let get back to business!" Yui pulled out her interior decorator's book.

"I resent that comment!" Misato stood up from her chair to go eye level with Asuka.

"I'm not a drunk and do not have a drinking problem." Asuka's accusation of Misato being a slut was totally missed by the purple haired woman.

"Are you ok Shinji?" Mana asked as she and Hikari went to his side. His flushed face caused some concern. But they were soon pushed out of the way by two other individuals and Shinji found himself in the middle of another female sandwich.

"Come on Shinji… Wouldn't you rather spend your time with a pair of experienced women like us?" Kyoko said with her hand wondering towards Shinji's lower region.

"Kyoko is right. We can enjoy each other's company for the rest of the night." Naoko said before closing in and whispering something in his ear which caused an instant nosebleed in the young man.

"What the hell?" Ritsuko and Maya were upstairs looking in the resident patients when they heard the commotion.

"Maya… Can you get the first aid kit again? If we don't do something, Shinji may bleed to death," Ritsuko sighed as she watched everyone fuss over and molest the poor lad.

"You really are a lucky man, Shinji…" Amada Tasuku said to himself while eating his dinner.

THE NEXT MORNING

"What the!" Shinji sat up from his futon and checked his room frantically. He looked under the tatami mat and searched every nook and cranny.

"Where the hell is everyone?" Normally someone would have invaded the sanctum of his sleep but not this morning. He didn't know whether to be concerned or pleasantly surprised. But his curiosity got the better of him and decided to have a look around for himself. Deep down he feared that his mother and the others were up to their old tricks again.

Shinji was half way down the recently repaired staircase when he heard the Tasuku voice coming from the kitchen.

"That's it! Now could you just shift over to the left a little?"

Shinji saw a flash come from behind the kitchen door. He didn't hesitate and went straight in. Another flash from a camera went off and it blinded him temporary.

"Oh! Good morning, Shinji-sweetie!" his mother called out to him excitedly. His eyes were still seeing spots of reds and blues from the second camera flash and didn't really see what was going on.

"We'll be done in a minute. I'll have your breakfast done soon." She said walking back to the counter.

"Okay… WHAT THE HELL!" His eyes focused again and saw what was going on. A number of spot lights were setup around the kitchen to brighten the area. Amada Tasuku was sitting on one of this cases that were lucky to not have been in the mini van when the boulder crushed it. The rest of the girls were on the other side of the kitchen just out of the set. But it was his mother that shocked him. She was bent over on the kitchen counter wearing only a maid's apron and nothing else. The apron was a dark navy blue with white frills along the edges and the pockets. It barely covered her body and curves neatly hugged the thin material.

"Don't I look pretty Shinji?" His mother asked standing up from the erotic pose.

"What? What? What?" he could only stammer his words.

"Your mother felt bad about ruining my calendar shoot yesterday so, she and the other volunteered to model for the project." Tasuku explained as he continued fiddling with his camera.

"But. But. But."

"How many times have I told you to brush your hair?" Yui said walking over to him and started patting down the bits of hair sticking up from his head. While she was doing this Shinji notice that the photography shoot had another audience. All bandaged up and covered with bruises Kaji and co were leering from the windows.

"Damn… I didn't know Shinji's mum was so hot," Kensuke said almost salivating.

"MILF alert!" Touji grinned.

"I now know why that crazy bastard stays with her." Kaji was referring to Gendo.

Shinji quickly went over and slammed the shutters in their faces.

"You can't do this!" He almost shouted at his mother. His words and action took her by surprise and her bottom lip started to tremble.

"What do you mean?" She said sounding upset.

"What do I mean? I'm talking about this photo shoot. Do you know how many people will see you when the calendar is released?"

"You don't think I'm pretty… WAAAAAA!" she collapsed on her knees in the middle of the kitchen and started balling her eyes out.

"Look what you did Shinji." Kyoko said shaking her head at the young man.

"You should know how conscious your mother is about her looks." Naoko backup her friend.

"I'm not worried about her appearance. Do you know what repercussion they are if she does something like this?" he argued with them.

"WAAAAAA!" Yui opened the nearest oven and turned on the gas. She stuck her head in the steel box in an attempt to end her life. Shinji and the others quickly rushed over and tried to pull her out.

"She's a stubborn little thing. I think we better get the grease out." Misato said straining.

"Alright fine! You can do the shoot!" Shinji shouted and Yui quickly backed out of the oven. The sudden slack but her caused the girls to fly backwards and cause a clang of pots and pans.

"Oh thank you Shinji!" She pulled her son into a motherly hug, showing no signs that of crying or an attempted suicide just a moment ago.

"Now you go wait over by the girls while mummy finishes being beautiful." She told him like a six year old.

"Are we all set now?" Tasuku asked holding a newly configured camera.

"Okay!" Yui chirped and bent back over onto the counter.

"It was like this wasn't it?" She said before Shinji fainted his head hitting the floor with a thud at his mother's pose.

"This is not a good sign. I hate to see what happens when it's our turn in front of the camera." Naoko said looking over Shinji.

MISATO'S PHOTO SHOOT

Shinji woke up and found his head resting in his mother's lap.

"Welcome back, Shinji dear." She said to him as he sat up. He saw a tray of food next to her and thanked God that she was now dressed as he expected her to be.

"Would you like something to eat?" True to her words, Yui had made his breakfast after finishing posing for the camera.

"Where am I? What's going on?" Shinji asked reaching over for the cup of tea on the tray.

"It's Misato's turn to model for the calendar." Yui motion her head towards the scene. Misato was scantly dressed in a snow white lingerie set complete with stockings and suspenders. She was lying on her side on within a mixture of plush cushions. Her hair was down and her hands placed in a provocative manner over her body.

"Hi Shin-chan!" Misato broke her position and waved like a little school girl at her favourite boy. She got up and quickly scurried over to him. Her lingerie set providing little support for her well proportioned assets.

"Tasuku-san gave me this lovely outfit. See it's nice and smooth." Without thinking she grabbed his hand and placed it on her left breast. He suffered another nose bleed and collapsed back into his mother's lap.

"Oh I know! I'll give him a little surprise when he wakes up." She reached around her back to undo the clips to her bra. She wanted to tie them on his head like ear muffs.

"Ms. Katsuragi. Do you think we could finish the shoot?" Tasuku gave her a friendly reminder that they where still working. A groan from the viewing gallery followed. The men were outside the window and this was quite a feat since they were in Misato's guest room on the second story.

"Soak it up boys!" Kaji slapped Aoba and Hyuga on the back as they suspended themselves from the rope hung from the roof.

As Misato went back to the set and resume the position. A small serrated blade on a pole came into the men's field of vision.

"What is that?" Aoba asked and then the blade started cutting through the rope.

"WAIT! NO!" they all pleaded but it was too late. The blade made little work of the rope and sent the men plummeting back down to the earth.

"It's quite rude to stare." Rei stated as matter of fact while still holding the pole which had the hand saw tied onto the end.

"Yeah! No free looks baka Kaji!" Misato followed up with pulled down eyelid and outward tongue.

KYOKO'S PHOTO SHOOT

There was something wet and warm being pressed against Shinji's mouth that disrupted his breathing and caused him to wake. To his shock he found that Misato was giving him mouth to mouth resuscitation.

"Stand back Misato! Everyone clear!" Yui shouted as she held the two paddles of the defibrillator machine. Shinji quickly realised what was happening and got out of there quick smart.

"I'm fine now… Just don't touch me with those things," Shinji rasped out.

"If you say so Shinji sweetie." Carelessly, Yui tossed the charged paddles over her shoulder. As it happen Kyoko, was currently posing in a skimpy swimsuit outfit that just comprised of three tiny nylon triangles and thin straps. The defibrillator pads landed in the hot spring and there was a huge bang followed by a puff of smoke.

"Do you smell something?" Misato sniffed the air again. "Smells like bacon."

The auburn haired beauty who was posing like a Playboy Centrefold instead of a beer calendar model was now floating face down in the water. Shinji quickly went over to the water and pulled her out.

"Kyoko-san?" he shook her gently.

"Oh Shinji… I'm dying… Please kiss me before I die…" She slowly reached up with one hand and touched his cheek almost like a climatic ending to a romance movie.

"Look I'm dying too Shinji! Hurry and make love to me!" Misato quickly lay down on the ground like a dying heroine in an attempt to get some of Shinji's attention.

"You're not dead because I haven't killed your yet!" Asuka's demonic voice ruined the moment as she charged her mother and Misato with a plank of two by four with a rusty nail punched through the end.

"Oh my…" Yui rubbed a tear from the corner of her eye. Rei was sitting next to her and handled a tissue. She took it and blew her nose.

"This is just like that movie I saw…" the mother of two wept.

"Well I guess we have enough of the swimsuit shots." Tasuku said as Asuka chased Shinji, Misato and her mother around the hot spring.

THE FINAL PHOTO SHOOT

"Sempai are you sure that this is okay?" Maya asked Ritsuko as she looked at the modified school girl uniform she had been given to wear.

"Just bare with it Maya. It'll be over soon and this time today we'll be all back in Tokyo-3 where everything will be back to normal." Ritsuko had no idea why she agreed to help but was starting to regret it. She tried pulling down the scanty tartan skirts which literally showed the bottom of their asses.

Their white school shirts were just as bad. They were a few sizes too small and stretched due to a grown woman's anatomy. They barely managed to get the buttons done and thought they would pop from their stitches.

"How are you girls going?" there was knock of the door and it was the photographer checking on his subjects.

"We'll be out in a minute." Ritsuko called out to him. Before leaving she checked herself in the mirror and shook her head.

'I spent five years in Japan's number one university. I was the youngest to graduate and topped my class. I'm head of my own department at NERV Heavy Industries, the biggest and richest company in the world today. I achieved all this and now I'm demoralising myself in such a way…' the blonde scientist sighed.

The main entertainment area had been turned into a makeshift classroom with a number of desks and a portable blackboard.

WHACK. WHACK.

"You students are late! Tardiness will not be tolerated." Naoko had a pointer and smacked the surface of the blackboard. She was dressed in an almost dominatrix outfit, complete with fish net stockings, stiletto heels and corset. She finished the ensemble with her daughter's lab coat. A pair of lightly framed glasses help extend the hint of her beauty and danger.

"Hey, that's my coat!" Ritsuko told annoyance to the fact her mother was wearing her white coat.

"You will address me as Ma'am or Miss!" She smacked the blackboard with her pointer again.

"Naoko is really getting into character isn't she?" Yui said as she watched the school scene photo take place before her.

"Hahaha! Hey Ritsu, I can see your bum!" Misato joked as she sat with folded legs on top of a gagged and bound Asuka. It was deemed by the group that she be restrained for safety reasons. Misato's wasn't lying either. The length of both skirts on Ritsuko and her apprentice showed that they had blue and white panties respectively.

"Okay… Ritsuko could you life one leg up on top the table and leave the other on the ground," Tasuku gave an instruction from behind the lens.

"WHAT!" She knew well if that happen the so called skirt she was wearing would ride up and expose everything.

"What's the matter? Don't you want Shinji to see you like this?" Her mother's words caused the blonde to instantly turn red. Ritsuko had totally forgotten about Shinji's presence because she was so concerned about covering her own shame.

"Why do I have to be here?" Shinji asked while stuck between his mother and sister.

"Do you like to see pretty girls wearing little clothing?" Yui asked surprised at her son's question. Then one of her worst fears came to light.

"OH MY GOD! MY SHINJI IS GAY!" She screamed as her dreams of becoming a grandmother slowly started to fade away.

"WHAT!" everyone including Shinji screamed back.

"I'll bring him back to the fold." Naoko was quick to action since she was already in character as the sexy older teacher. She walked up to the young man, her heels clicking and hips swaying as she went along.

"It's time for your special lesson Shinji-kun…" She purred as she used the pointed to tilt his head up to see her ample cleavage helped along with the corset.

"Please help him Naoko! I want grandchildren!" Yui cried like a baby as Rei handed her another tissue.

"Back off, Mrs. Robinson!" Misato snatched Shinji away and plonked him in her lap. She didn't take into account that she was still sitting on Asuka's back and the extra weight caused the young red head's eyes to bulge out for a moment.

"You are not even a pupil of this class woman so stay out of our business!" Naoko ripped off the lab coat and began stalking towards the pair.

"Don't worry Shin-chan. If we die today then at least it'll be in each other's arms." Misato said to him.

"WHAT! DIE!" he started fighting to get free.

"IKARI!" the famous surname was growled low and dangerously. At the doorway was Kyoko. She had miraculously come back from the dead and was holding a large electric cattle prong in one hand. Sparks could be seen from the two barbs at the end of the stick.

"PAY BACK'S A BITCH AND HERE I COME!" Asuka's mother lunged at the other mother and they both began wrestling on the ground.

"I think that should be enough." While all the chaos was happening, Tasuku managed to get Ritsuko and Maya to posing lying against each other against the back drop of the school class room.

FINAL MOMENTS AT THE INN

Everything was done. Another hired mini van had arrived and Mr. Tasuku busy loading his equipment into it. His original models were well enough to make onboard under their own power and sat quietly in the mini van, the glass of the windows the only thing keeping them apart from Kaji and his horde of horny men.

"Once again." Amada Tasuku turned towards Yui and her group of girls. "Thank you for everything. I'll send you all copies once they touch up the images in my studio. And depending how things work out they may be some money coming your way."

"Just make sure you Photoshop the cellulite from Misato's thighs." Kyoko never missed an opportunity for a cheap shot.

"SHUT UP!" the purple hair woman took a swing at Asuka's mother which she easily ducked. Everyone shared a laugh at her expense.

On the other side of the inn, Shinji was sat on his own. He was staring at the horizon where the sun was setting. The mountain side with it trees and birds flying off into the distance made it a sight to remember. He was too preoccupied with scenery that he didn't see Asuka walking up beside him.

"Hey Baka. What are you doing?" she brought him out of his trance and plonked herself next to him.

"What happen to you?" He looked at her and noticed that she was covered in band aids and tiny scratches. It was strange that he didn't see them before.

"That stupid bird of Misato's…" Asuka was literally grinding her teeth at the thought of the warm water penguin. Her reaction caused him to laugh a little.

"I'm glad that you find it amusing," she said half annoyed but glad that she made him laugh and smile. In fact it was the first time she had heard him laugh while on there trip here.

"It's a shame that we never realise how beautiful something is before we have to leave it." Those were uncharacteristic words from Asuka and what she did next was even more out of character. She lean her head against his shoulder and entwine her fingers with his. At first Shinji tensed up and but then relaxed.

"Ah… Asuka…" Shinji said confused at what was happening or what he was suppose to do next.

"Just be quiet." She told him and the pair sat there enjoying the moment while they could. Unknown to them they were being watched by a pair of very interested set of eyes.

CLICK.

"That's a keeper." Yui giggled quietly to herself as she lowered her camera. The fact she did this standing on one leg was quite a feat. The other leg she had against a shoji blocking the hallway from the other girls. Their arms had managed to protrude from the sides and muffled cried could be heard from the other side of the bamboo partition.

"Now, now girls. You should all be glad that my Shinji isn't gay."

END OF CHAPTER

OMAKE - ADVENTURES OF CHIBI BAKA GENDO  
Gendo's little chibi legs had walked what seem like an eternity. The soles on his shoes were no more and he felt like he was on a pilgrimage or something. His appearance far beyond dishevel and with his over grown beard made him look like a homeless person who should be handing out pamphlets outside a strip joint.

But all hardships he endured were worth it. He had reached his destination – The Hanamaki Hot Spring Inn. But something was astray. A mountain of empty sardine cans sat at the front and to the side.

"I don't remember the inn being his rustic." As Gendo got closer to the inn he noticed that the building was almost falling apart. Then the whole structure imploded on its self. He hit the deck and covered his head. When he looked up a pile of burning rumble stood where the inn was. A sheet of paper survived the carnage and floated down landed on his head. There was a message scribbled on it

_Baka Gendo,_

_Gone back to Tokyo 3_

_Your super model ultra sexy wife and soon to be grandmother, Yui Ikari_

_PS – Please turn over_

Before instantly scrunched it up in his little hands he turned it over. It was the invoice for they stay at the inn and other accumulated costs.

"Twenty million Yen worth of fish! That woman!" He couldn't believe what she had done and threw the ball of paper on the ground. It caused an avalanche of empty sardine cans to rain down on top of him. When the landslide of fish tins finished only a pair of legs could be seen protruding from underneath the pile, twitching sporadically.

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Well, that was a long chapter… I originally wanted to chapter 11 and 12 in one and planned on doing a Valentines chapter just in time for Feb 14 but you know how things go… In truth I should have made chapter 12 into 2 chapters. That way I could have made 2 updates. But the Valentines Day chapter will be next even though it may be a little late.

Some of you might be wondering where I got the names for the models doing the calendar shoot. That was thanks to Lord Raa and Wickerman. I think they are j-pop idols or just random names. Sorry if I mislead anyone to think that other anime characters may be making a cameo appearance. And Amada Tasuku is the actually name of a Japanese photographer. I just entered Japanese photographer in Google and got his name (wonderful thing Google)

Anyway, thanks for all the positive review and keep them coming. And thank you to everyone that helped with ideas and proof reading. You guys know who you are.

Thanks for reading, wonga316


	13. Chapter 13

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 13

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

MSN MESSENGER  
wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

DATE POSTED  
20060317

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO 3 – IKARI HOUSEHOLD

It was the early hours of the morning and the city of Tokyo 3 had not even woken to the new day. The air was still and the sun had barely broken pass the horizon. It was an ordinary prelude to any other day in Japan's newest city. But there was one citizen already stirring because this wasn't any other normal day for him.

"Ok… All set…" Shinji whispered to him self under his breath.

For Shinji, the next 24 hours would be the most painfully and longest day of the year. He checked the preparations he made in his newly rebuilt and refurnished bedroom. Satisfied that he had done all that he set out to do; he made his out.

Before stepping out of his bedroom, he stuck his head out and looked both way into the darken hallway. There was nothing but just to be sure he put on a pair of night vision goggles which he borrowed from his mother's kit bag. The fourteen year old wasn't taking any chances today.

Satisfied that the coast was clear, Shinji stepped out and went downstairs. The night before he had made note which steps in the stair case creaked when stepped upon, so the boy almost hop-scotched down. He was almost out; just past the kitchen then living room and front door was there. Shinji could taste the freedom and smiled to himself. It would be the first time in almost ten years that he could enjoy the 14th of February like a normal person.

That's right… 14th of February – Valentine's Day. Ever other man and boy in Japan would get the normal gesture of chocolates or a small gift but for Shinji the gesture was a dreadful ordeal. Shinji didn't see it as the most romantic day of the year, merely a gimmick retailers used to help consumers spend their hard earned cash. This today was more like open season on him. He cursed and wanted to punch the person that invented Valentine's Day in the face. He didn't like how it gave the right of almost every female in his life to act like on heat love struck moron that felt they had the right touch and molest him how they pleased. But this year he was prepared and vowed that this Valentine's Day he was going to take charge.

He walked passed the kitchen and into the living room. There were only eight feet between him and the front door. Shinji's smile grew wider as he got closer to his freedom. A part of him couldn't believe what was happening. When his hand gripped the door knob he wondered to himself if he was just dreaming and when he opened the door some sort of femininity assault awaited him on the other side.

"No way… This isn't a dream…" He reassured himself before twisting the handle.

CLICK.

The hallway light illuminated the darkness and crushed what ever fleeting hope of freedom Shinji had.

"Come and have your Valentine's Day breakfast." Yui called out to him casually. Her son just slumped to his knees and began banging his head against the back of the door.

DING.

"Oh! My cake is done!" She hurried back to the kitchen as Rei walked up to her brother and dragged him back to the kitchen by the scruff of his neck.

"Oh God… not cake again…" Shinji was just a passenger as he was hauled and seated at a kitchen table full of food made especially for him. Both mother and daughter gave him a kiss on each cheek.

"How did you…" Before Shinji could finish asking how his sister and mother managed to work undetected in the darkness, they both took off their own night vision goggles and stripped off their respective stealth suits to reveal their normal attire underneath.

"Mum… I can't eat all of this." Shinji was referring to all the food in front of him. But it wasn't the normal breakfast Yui would serve up for him. It was her special Valentine's Day breakfast which basically consisted of everything chocolate. There was a hefty pile Chocolate pancakes with special chocolate sauce; chocolate eggs and these weren't chocolate Easter eggs but just hard boiled eggs dipped in chocolate. The toast was done and stacked high with chocolate spread instead of butter. The milk was flavoured chocolate and there was something that looked like orange juice but it had some sort of chocolate in it. A plate of choc chip cookies sat next to that. And next to that was a plate of double choc chip. Next to that was triple choc chip. Then just to be different some white choc chip rounded the selection. Then there was the assorted bowls of chocolates and sweets between the main dishes.

"What do you mean sweetie?" The mother asked while taking out a triple decker triple chocolate mud cake. She closed the oven door with her backside and placed the heart stopper of a desert in front of Shinji.

Shinji picked up a spoon in a bowl of cereal. He didn't think it was possible to coat every individual cereal flake in melted chocolate.

"How about some fruit?" Shinji didn't have the heart to tell her that the sight of all the chocolate in front of him was starting to make him dry heave.

"Fruit? Sure." She clapped her hands twice and Rei miraculously appeared beside him with a bowl fruit.

"Ah!" The sudden appearance of his sister beside him startled Shinji. When he regained his composure, Shinji aimless reached into the bowl and grabbed something. It was a banana and he instinctively started to peel the skin. Then something struck him as not being right.

"Ah!" He quickly dropped the chocolate coated banana and then noticed that they had even covered all the fruit in the addictive sweet.

"I think I'll just go to school now. I'm not very hungry." Shinji quickly said and got out of his chair.

"But school doesn't start for another four hours," the unbalanced mother stated.

"I just have a few things to get done before class." Shinji was lying through his teeth and doing it miserably.

"You don't like my special breakfast?" Yui asked with saucer shaped eyes that were starting to get watery.

"No it's not that!" he knew that he had started a chain reaction and feared what was to come.

"I try my best…" Yui was now fully crying. "I'm only a single parent and do the best with what I have. I know I'm not the best mother in the world but I'm only human."

"Don't cry." Shinji took hold of her shoulders and tried to stop her from crying.

"Hang on! Single parent?" He normally would have put a comment like that down to one of his mother's usually ramblings but she seemed serious this time.

"Father has been missing for the past few days," Rei bent over and whispered into his ear.

"Really? I haven't noticed," he replied.

HANAMAKI INN

"AAACHOO!" A sneeze came from beneath the pile of empty sardine cans with a pair of feet protruding from the side.

"A little help… please…" Gendo called out from under the pile of empty cans.

TOKYO 3 – IKARI HOUSEHOLD

"Please Shinji! You have to let me do this!" A large bottle of rat poison was suspended above Yui's head and she had her mouth wide open ready to ingest the harmful liquid. The only thing stopping her was Shinji.

"Not again!" he strained against his mother's unnatural strength.

"WAAAAAA! I'm not fit to be a mother!" While the struggle for life and death between mother and son was going on, Rei casually walked over to the refrigerator and pulled a dish of chocolate covered sardines. She placed them on the floor for the grumpy and tired penguin walking into the kitchen. He was woken by the fighting between Shinji and Yui.

"Wark!" Pen-pen complained tiredly as he scratched his arse with his left flipper.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Pen-pen," Rei said to the bird and patted him on his coloured head.

"Ok! I'll eat something!" Shinji decided that him eating some chocolate was a lot better than his mother swallowing a litre of rat poison.

"Oh you will?" she instantly stopped crying a fountain and pulled her son into a fierce hug. Shinji was slowly turning blue from his airways being cut off.

"I knew I raised you right! I'm the best mother in the world!" Yui released her son and stood up on the table. She posed like a bronze statue that had been erected in the honour of a great or significant figure in society.

"SHIN-CHAN!" The horrendous shrill of his nickname rang throughout the house. He instantly recognized the voice and froze on the spot. The floor slowly began to shake. Food and plates on the table also began to rattle from the earth shaking vibrations.

"Oh crap…" Shinji muttered as it appeared from around the corner. It had purple hair and sported a pink fluffy bikini which barely covered her well portioned body. Normally this would have been a sight to behold but this time it was different.

"Tell me Shinji…" A barely dressed Misato Katsuragi said with obvious hints of anger in her words. He just swallowed nervously as her demonic gaze began to burn a hole right to his core.

"What sort of man leaves a decoy in his bed for his fiancé to find on Valentine's Day?" Misato held up a spare pillow with a badly drawn smiley face on it.

Shinji plan had back fired; he knew Misato or one of the others would try to sneak into bed with him today so he quickly used a dummy in his place. That would give him enough time to get away.

Misato threw the pillow onto the ground and walked around the table to meet him. She bent over and looked him straight into the eye. He tried really hard not to let his eyes drop a little further to the full view of Misato's massive cleavage tightly bordered with the fluffy edges of her bikini top.

"You should know better to toy with a woman's emotions Shinji," his mother told him as she inspected the chocolate buffet in front of her for anything amiss.

"Some thing is missing… I know! Muffins!" the mother leapt up and quickly started making a fresh batch of chocolate chip muffins.

"Look Misato… I'm sorry. Ok?" her stare was so intense that he was leaning back and beginning to slip off his chair.

"Why should I forgive you!" she pouted and spun around to face away from him.

"Look, I'll make it up to you. I promise." Shinji wondered how he got into this situation. It wasn't even the start of the day and he had already apologized twice for things that weren't his fault.

"You're just lucky that I'm so forgiving," Misato said as she jumped into his lap and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Shinji wasn't expected it and her weight took the wind from him.

"You're welcome…" he wheezed.

"Yummy pancakes!" Misato quickly spotted the pile of pancakes and zeroed in on them.

"Misato… could you get off?" Shinji didn't want to be rude but the older woman was starting to cut off the blood circulation to his legs.

"But it's Valentine's Day. As an engaged couple we should be together like this." She said between breaks of stuffing her face with one hand and her other arm still around his shoulders.

"That's the other thing… Could you not talk like that? People may get the wrong idea about us." Shinji knew that some times Misato like the others were take things just a little too far and he was usually the one feel the repercussions of such behaviour.

Misato instantly dropped the fork she was using and stopped still.

"Are breaking up with me?" she asked stunned with chocolate all over her face.

"What! No! Yes! I mean…"

"WAAAAAA!" Misato instantaneously burst into a fountain of tears.

"No engagement means no marriage. No marriage means no grandchildren. Then that means… WAAAAAA!" Yui had heard the conversation and broken into tears as well. As Shinji tried to calm before women down, Rei had taken the initiative. She grabbed a mop and bucket and proceeded to wipe the puddles of tears from the kitchen floor.

"WARK!" Pen-pen decided to join in on the chorus. 'Will you shut up! Some idiot put chocolate on my fish and I want it fixed and I want it fixed NOW!'

Suddenly a tremendous crash broke through the two women's cries which caused them to stop immediately. The four of them plus the penguin stuck their heads around the corner to see what was going on. The glass double sliding door leading to the backyard had imploded. Crystal shards laid everywhere on the carpet. But the strange thing was that no one was in the room.

"OH NO! The evil spirits had followed my Shinji from the Hanamaki Inn!" The mother had read about paranormal activity and this fit the form.

"Shinji, I'm scared!" Misato wrapped her arms and legs around Shinji like a koala would a branch of a tree.

"Get off me!" He couldn't handle the other woman's sudden weight and fell over.

"Rei, Pen-pen! It's time for an exorcist!" Like a whirlwind Yui ripped off her favourite kitchen apron and clothes to reveal another set underneath. It was a Shinto priest robes covered with good luck charm and anti evil spirit wards.

"Yes mother…" Shinji's twin sister sighed as she pushed and mop and bucket to the side.

"WARK!" The penguin slammed his flipper against the wall that they were hiding and leaning on 'FIX MY FISH YOU STUPID BI…'

"Hey Shinji! Time to get up! It's Valentine's Day and Cupid is here to deliver my love straight to your heart." Everyone looked up to the source of the voice and floating in mid air was Naoko Akagi. It was apparent that she was the culprit that that broke through the glass door. Strapped to her back was a rocket pack which caused her to hover and fly. It slowly the house filled the gas and smoke from the fumes and flames of the exhaust.

"HEY!" Naoko spotted that compromising position Shinji was in with Misato and she didn't like it.

"I'm Cupid, the God of Love! Shinji is mine today!" The modern day Cupid reached behind her back and pulled out a wicked looking crossbow.

"Behold my instrument of love and destiny!" She aimed it directly at the pair on the ground and released an arrow. The projectile was hit dead on and caused a massive explosion. Chocolate and parts of the kitchen furniture flew everywhere.

"Since when does Cupid carry a crossbow armed with explosive tipped arrows!" Misato asked sarcastically from the other side of the living room with a dazed and confused Shinji under one arm. If it wasn't for her they would have been spots on the wall with the chocolate smudges.

"Not bad… I didn't think that you be able to dodge my attack. But I swear that you won't be able avoid my next attack." Naoko reloaded the crossbow and took aim again.

"Bring it on you old cow!" Misato pulled an eyelid down and stuck her tongue out.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!" Naoko was definitely riled up now.

"MOTHER!" From the doorway of shattered double sliding doors appeared out of breathe Ritsuko Akagi. Soon her assistant Maya Ibuki appeared beside her huffing and puffing.

"I'm sorry sempai… She tricked me and got hold of the prototype…" the short hair brunette apologised. The personal rocket pack was one of the many military projects Ritsuko and her team was working on. Somehow her mother had gotten news of the rocket pack and cleverly asked Maya to show her the unit.

"Don't worry about that Maya… We just have to get the unit back before the military declares her a hostile target and shoots her out of the sky." The blonde scientist then turned back towards her mother.

"Mother! Get down here this instant!"

"NO! Did you hear what your friend called me!" Naoko replied almost child like.

"It's true! Look at your breasts. They are just like cow udders. I'm surprised that farmers aren't lining up to milk you." Misato wasn't holding back.

"Oh no…" Ritsuko slapped her forehead and turned back to her assistant. "Maya… It'll be a good idea if you found some cover."

Both women quickly ducked for cover.

"YOU BITCH! NOW YOU DIE!" Naoko voice echoed and cackled like a psychotic madwoman and unleashed a barrage of arrows. She didn't now how many she fired but after the second explosion and she began to wonder if it was a good idea. The whole side of the living room disappeared in a dust cloud just after the first arrow. Pieces of the roof began to rain down on her.

"I guess that wall must have been load bearing…" Naoko mused as she manoeuvred the jet pack to avoid the falling and flying debris.

"I HERE BY CAST YOU INTO THE ABYSS! YOU ARE NOW BANISHED FROM THIS WORLDLY PLANE!" Before Naoko could turn around to see who was yelling the nonsense, a pair of her wooden spoons formed in a crucifix slammed into the top of her skull. She immediately lost consciousness and hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.

"Rei! Quick! Get me the holy water! We need to complete the exorcism!" Yui in her Shinto priest outfit stood over her knocked out friend who she thought was an evil spirit with a wooden cross in dripping with Naoko's blood in her left hand. When Rei didn't response, the ghost busting mother looked up to see that her daughter was busy with a fire extinguisher putting out the small spot fires that litter what was left of the living room.

The morning sun was rising and its light began to cast shadows of the destruction that was once the Ikari main living room. Through the smoke, dust and debris and larger shadow began to form from the main pile of rubble that was the east wall. As the dust and smoked began to settle, the outline of the shadow become more clear. It had four legs, a fine tail and large head. When the shadow neighed, it become apparent to Yui what was standing before her.

"Ok Yui! The brave knight is here to claim her prize. So hand him over," Kyoko said as she flicked the visor of her helmet open to reveal her face.

"Wow… nice costume, Kyoko…" Yui was truly amazed at the effort her neighbour went to. She was in a full suit of armour equipped with lance and all from some medieval period. Somehow she had acquired the horse, complete with ancient colours, head dress and saddle.

"Oh this old thing… I stole it from my husband before the divorce." She was going to mention how it was in Asuka's father family for generations and once don by a great noble man that rule a substantial size of land in the early days of Europe.

"I doubt that the horse from 13th century…" added Ritsuko as she dusted her self off and helped her assistant Maya to her feet.

"I found this little fella on the other side of Toky-3. They just line them up in these cages and make them run really fast with midgets on their backs. I felt sorry for him and had to rescue him." Kyoko replied as she moved her horse off the pile of rubble.

"That's the Tokyo Three International Race Course! They are supposed to do that!" Ritsuko couldn't believe that her mother's friend had stolen a pedigree thoroughbred from the track.

"But it was so cruel. You didn't see these midgets hit these poor things with their whips."

"They are called jockeys… It's their job to do that. Have you heard of gambling? Betting on race horses?" The faux blonde explained.

"Awww… You poor thing. Let your Auntie Yui find you something to eat." Yui went up and patted the animal on the side of the neck.

"You must be getting tired carrying all that weight on top?" The Shinto priest/mother said while walking back to the kitchen. The horse responded with a light neigh.

"HEY! ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT!" Kyoko immediately flicked the visor of her helmet down and pointed the jousting stick directly at the mother of two.

"You have insulted me! I challenge you to a duel!" the neighbour and mother turned knight laid down the ultimatum.

"I'll whip your butt in a minute. Just let me get Mr. Horsy a carrot and then… OH MY GOD!" Yui had turned towards the kitchen and seen what had happen to the special Valentines Day breakfast Rei and she had prepared for Shinji. Her tears of sorrow soon turned to ones of anger.

"ALRIGHT! WHO IS RESPONIBLE FOR THIS!" She screamed out loud, furious that her special breakfast caked the walls of her kitchen like a fresh coat of muddy paint. In the mean time Ritsuko and Maya used the lull in the action to quickly retrieve the jet pack that Naoko had stolen from NERV Heavy Industries.

"Wow… You're really letting your domestic duties as a mother slide…" Kyoko walked her horse closer to the kitchen. She was amazed how someone could allow their own home end up in such a terrible state. Her mare also began licking the walls as the sweetness of the chocolate was something race horses didn't get to eat everyday.

"Shut up!" Yui pointed her crossed spoon at her friend. "This is coming from a woman who can't keep a husband around and thinks they have a chance with my Shinji!"

"HOW DARE YOU!" As both women faced each other ready for another battle, they suddenly stopped when they heard someone crying. Both of them followed the cries of the weeping woman to the backyard. It was Misato and she seemed to be cradling something in her arms.

"You're such a cry baby Misato. Those stains will come out of the wash." Kyoko was referring to the dust and muck on her special Valentine's Day bikini she was wearing for Shinji. But her hard line on such things quickly disappeared when it was apparent who Misato was holding in her arms.

"He won't wake up Auntie…" Misato sobbed to Yui. It wasn't like the cry she put on before for Shinji. This was the sort of stuff that really ached.

"WHAT HAPPENED!" Yui immediately grabbed Shinji's limp body from her adopted niece and checked her son. She barely recognized him. Half his face and entire left arm was completely covered in burns. The mother placed two fingers across his neck for a pulse; nothing. To double check she pressed her ear to his chest but it remained still and silent.

"RISTUKO!" she screamed on the top of her lungs for the only person near by with any sort of medical training.

"What now!" The blond doctor was grumpy and upset to be woken up at such an ungodly hour in the morning to stop her mother from becoming a latest cover and pin up for UFO conspiracy theories. She didn't want to image all the thick lens, pocket protecting middle aged virgins drooling over Naoko's pictures taken by an eye witness.

"On the other hand… it would mean that I could get her out of my hair for a while…" She mused about that possibility for a moment before her eyes fell upon the group in the middle of the yard. A pair of black school shoes hung lifeless over the edge of Yui's lap and she instantly feared the worst.

"No!" Ritsuko rushed over and her worst fears were confirmed.

"HELP HIM!" the frantic mother was almost in hysterics.

"Put him down on the ground! Try no to move his neck!" Yui did as instructed and backed away. She instantly hugged into Kyoko who was already holding Misato with her other arm.

Ritsuko checked Shinji pulse for herself. In the process, her hand scrapped along side one of the many burns covering his face and limb.

"What the?" Some thing wasn't right. She moved her hand from the boys pulse to his cheek and rubbed something off. She played with it between her fingers and before sniffing it. The good doctor and scientist then noticed one of Shinji's fingers twitch and he began to stir.

"It's alright! He's fine!" She announced to the group of distress females.

"He is!" the next thing Ritsuko knew was that she was flying sideways away from the boy. The poor woman landed with a thud in the big pile of debris.

Misato wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed as hard as she could while Yui just peppered his face with a million tiny kisses.

"Sempai!" Maya had watched helplessly as her senior was practically flung aside after her skills weren't needed anymore. The young brunette helped the concussed woman to her feet.

"Ungrateful cretins…" Ritsuko mumbled as she tried to focus her eyesight and regain her balance.

"You gave us really scare there Shinji… You didn't do it on purpose to just get our attention?" Kyoko asked already back into her teasing mood.

"WHAT!" the explosions had temporary made Shinji deaf and he had no idea what was going on

"You taste like burnt chocolate." Yui had pepper his face show much that most of the burnt confectionary was gone. She didn't like the bitter taste but it didn't matter because her son was okay.

"We are still suffering after effects from the explosion. That's why you couldn't feel his pulse." Ritsuko explained as she was helped along by Maya.

"I guess the chocolate the coated his face and limbs saves him from being burn from the flames." She continued on.

"WHAT!" Shinji shouted again.

"Oh!" Misato remembered something and pulled an object out from between her breasts. It was an empty jar with the lid missing. Kyoko quickly snatched the jar from her.

"Body chocolate?" she read the label. It became clear that in the mayhem of the blast the contents on the jar spilt onto Shinji. It was only by coincidence that the chocolate coating help protect him.

"Thank you Misato! Your quick think save my baby boy!" Yui graciously thanks the other woman.

"Ah… Yeah… Sure that what I was doing…" she giggled a little, unsure about how to reply. It was also apparent that the body chocolate didn't get onto Shinji by accident.

"WHAT!" Shinji asked again.

"Mother, we have a little situation…" Rei appeared out of no way and spoke like she usually did.

"It's okay Rei! Your brother is fine!" Yui pinched Shinji cheeks and stretched them for her to see.

"I am aware of my brother's well being at all times." The albino girl stated as a matter of fact.

"I was referring to the situation in the house." She directed her attention to the gaping hole in the living room where the only signs of life in the house was and little bird running cables.

"Wark. Wark…" Pen-pen mumbled to himself. 'Screw with my breakfast… I'll teach them. Don't they know that sardines are my staple diet?'

"Pen-pen? What do you think you are doing?" Yui approached the upset bird who was putting the finishing touches to the C4 explosives purposely set around the key structural points of the Ikari home.

"Wark. Wark…" the bird shouted back. 'What the hell does it look like? You brain dead human meat bag! This is pay back for screwing with my fish!'

"It's Valentine's Day and you will celebrate it with us like a family!" Yui shouted back.

"Is she really trying to negotiate with a penguin?" Kyoko asked aloud to no in particular. Back outside the remaining people looked on with interest as the grown woman and penguin began arguing.

"I don't think she'll win," Naoko answered her. Everyone looked at her in amazement. She had pulled a Rei and appeared out of thin air. "That bird could run for local council if he wanted."

"I think Yui whacked you a little too hit earlier," Ritsuko sneered at her mother.

"Have a look at this." The mother thrust a piece of paper in front of her daughter.

"What the? You have got to be joking…" the paper was a flyer. Actually it was a flyer urging people to vote for Pen-pen and elect him into local council.

"The little guy was handing them out yesterday to people leaving the train station. And I'll tell you he's got my vote!"

"Wow… that's a really good picture of him on the front." Kyoko had snuck around to get a look at the promotional flyer.

"Brother, it would be advisable that we seek some cover." Rei said the Shinji.

"WHAT!"

"As you have experienced, an explosion causes debris and a massive heat source which can be fatal to humans. I feel that mother's negotiations will not succeed." Rei went on explaining as normal like Shinji could hear a thing she said.

"PEN-PEN IKARI! I'M YOUR MOTHER AND I'M TELLING YOU TO GIVE ME THAT DETONATOR RIGHT NOW"

Rei was right like always.

"WARK!" was the last thing Pen-pen said before his tiny flipper hit the detonator button. 'Screw you human! I'm taking as many of your filthy kind with me as possible!'

HANAMAKI INN

It had taken a while but Gendo's little chibi hands had dug him out of the giant pile of empty sardine cans. Feeling confident of his mean feat the little man began to pose flexing his muscles.

"Ha! No one can defeat Gendo Ikari!" but his joy was short lived when he noticed a mushroom cloud began to rise in the distance.

"That's in the direction of Tokyo-3… I wonder… Nah… there's no way that woman could be the cause of this…" The man refused to believe that a catastrophic blast like that would be related to his wife, family or associates.

Gendo resumed posing and flexing like a professional body builder. He was so preoccupied basking in his self glory that he forgot about the boom and aftershocks. The sound did take a while to get to him. So when the immense sound wave reached him it caused another avalanche of empty cans and he was buried once again.

"Damn her…" he muttered from underneath a pile of twenty million yen of empty and stinking sardine cans.

TOKYO-3– CITY STREETS

"Jeez… All that fuss for a silly little holiday tradition," Asuka voiced her thoughts on the morning's events. After the failed negotiations resulted in Pen-pen actually hitting the switch and levelled the Ikari house to a vacant lot with piles of rubble.

"Well, I guess you could look at it that way." Shinji sighed with a finger in each ear, still trying to get the ringing out from his hearing. He and Asuka were sitting on a bench outside along one of the main strips of Tokyo-3. School hadn't even started and he was already exhausted.

"Look Pen-pen you have to stay in there until you have learnt you lesson." Next to the pair of school kids was Misato and she was talking into a plastic animal transport carrier.

"WARK!" Within the plastic cage was the bird of destruction and he still wasn't happy.

"Don't take that tone with my Mister! You did the crime and now you do the time! I don't care if you have a voters' rally at eleven. You're not getting out until you apologise." Misato continue to argue with the caged bird as morning pedestrians would look on with curiosity.

'At least Misato is properly dressed this time…' Shinji sighed.

"Shinji! Asuka!" both teenagers looked up to see their respective mothers exiting the store pushing a shopping cart each. Both shopping carts overloaded with an assortment of chocolates and confectionary. The mornings costumes were gone and they wore their attire.

"It's about time! I'm starving!" The young read head raced over and tried to grab something from the pile but she was stopped by her mother with a slapping hand.

"This is not you for. It's for Shinji." The mother stated as a matter of fact to the daughter.

"That's right! I felt bad about ruining this mornings breakfast." Yui followed up and pushed her trolley right in front of Shinji.

"What! That baka can't eat all that chocolate on his own!" Asuka thought it was absurd that from two shopping trolleys of chocolate she couldn't have a single bar or sweet.

"Oh shut up and take it like a woman," Kyoko replied to her daughter which caused the young girl to start swinging. The mother was use to this sort of reaction and she easily blocked each of Asuka's attacks with one arm.

"Here you go Shinji sweetie." Yui grabbed a random box from the pile and opened it for her son. At this point it was easier for him for just accept the gift and eat the chocolate.

"Don't you have to go to work?" Shinji asked trying his hardest to swallow to rich sweet chocolate.

"We just lost our home, so we're on stress leave," his mother smiled at him.

"That's right! Pretty good deal huh?" Kyoko said while still blocking each of Asuka's wild swings. Shinji was amazed at his mother's total disregard for responsibility but it was nothing new to him.

"So after Rei and Ritsuko arrive we can head off to school." Yui concluded as she pinched one of the chocolates from Shinji's open box.

"Oh, okay… WHOA! What you mean WE head off to school!" her stated caused him to throw his box of chocolates into the air.

"I brought this and wanna try it out." Yui reached into the trolley and pulled out a brand new digital video camera.

"I figure if I want to be a better grandmother I would have to see all prospective daughter in laws. This camera will help me collect the necessary background information I require. And being Valentine's Day, I can monitor and observe them in action." Her insane explanation had caused Shinji stand there with his mouth open. He was speechless and dumbfounded by what his mother had said.

"See I knew you would understand." She opened another box of chocolates, popped one in his mouth and closed his jaw for him.

"Did you think I would let my fiancé out on his own on Valentine's Day?" Misato was next to speak up.

"If any of those hussies get closer to my Shinji…" She couldn't finish as she imagine a certain red head's neck between her hands and she began shaking.

"SHINJI! SHINJI!" Out of no where another familiar voice called his name. Everyone looked down the street to see Mana Kirishima running towards them carrying something in her hand.

"Looks like an early start to the day…" Misato cracked her knuckles and began warming up her limbs for her first victim.

"Good morning everyone!" the green-eyed girl greeted and bowed politely to everyone.

"What's so good about it…" before Misato could finish Kyoko quickly grabbed her neck shoved her head first into the full shopping trolley. She was like an ostrich with its head in the sand.

"Good morning, Kirishima-san," Shinji replied with his own bow and formal name which caused her to giggle.

"Why do you always have to be so formal?" Mana laughed.

"Oh, here you go! Happy Valentine's Day!" She presented him with the colourfully wrapped box in her hands. As Shinji accepted she quickly leaned in gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"YOU BI…" Asuka had seen what Mana did and took objection to it but before she could do anything Kyoko drove her head into the shopping cart full of chocolate just like Misato.

"Never mind us just carry on," Kyoko advised the pair of school students

"Oh wait! I'm not ready!" Yui fiddle around with the digital video camera. It was a good two minutes before she got it figured out and pointed it at her son and Mana.

"Okay… Just do that again. I'm all ready now." Mana had a puzzled look on her face and Shinji had become a dumbfounded statue again.

"Ikari-san, you can be so funny sometimes," Mana laughed thinking Yui was joking.

"What do you mean? Shinji give Mana back the chocolate and do it again." Yui replied deadly serious from behind the camera.

"But Mum…" Shinji tried to protest.

"JUST DO IT!" She screamed on the top of her lungs. It was so loud that a car driving pass lost control and slammed into a light pole. Out of fear, Mana and Shinji did as they were told.

"Awww… That's so cute! You two make such a great couple." Yui dropped the camera and pulled each of them into a bear hug.

"Mother, we have returned from NERV and have the extra items you require," Rei's announcement caused the mother to release the pair and allow them to breathe. Beside Rei was Ritsuko Akagi. On her back was a green medical first aid kit that rescue personal would wear. She had not doubt during the day that someone would need some medical attention. Rei approached her mother and handled over what looked to be two collars and control pad.

"Good job girls!" Yui accepted the items and gave Rei and kiss on the top of the head. The mother tossed the two collars Kyoko who quickly snapped them on to Misato and Asuka before letting them go. Both of fell them to ground gasping for air.

"Did you fix the remote control?" Ritsuko nodded and handled over a small control pad with three red buttons on it.

"Okay! Now that everyone is here! Let's get this special Valentine's Day Adventure under way!" Yui pointed in the direction of the school and began to lead everyone away.

"Whoa! Can some explain to me what's going on?" Shinji wasn't going to move until he felt some sort order was restored.

"That's right! We seem to be forgetting about someone. Where is she?" Yui looked around for the missing person from the group. When she spotted a pink bulge with a curly tail from begin a tree.

"Come on out Naoko! If we don't get a move on them my babies will be late for school." Yui called out to the tree.

"Go to hell. I'm not going anywhere like this!" Naoko voice came from behind the tree with the pink bump and curly tail.

"Oh really?" Yui pulled out the control pad that Ritsuko handed to her but it was snatched away by Ritsuko.

"Allow me… Oh, this is going to be sweet!" Ritsuko sported a kind of evil smile before pressing the button. And when she did…

BUZZZZZZ

A giant pig fell out from behind the tree and began rolling around on the ground in pain and twitching. When the electric shock stopped and the twitching subsided, the pig slowly crawled to its feet.

"Damn it Ritsuko! That hurts!" Before the group stood Naoko Akagi fully dressed in a pink pig costume. Everyone took a moment recognize that it was her before breaking out in hysterical laughter.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" She shouted at her friends. Just like Pen-pen was being punished, Naoko had to be disciplined as well for her indiscretions this morning. She did almost kill Shinji, after all.

"I think you are forgetting something…" Ritsuko teased her by hovering her index finger over the button the control pad.

"Argh…. It's not funny… oink, oink." She repeated with the associated call of a farm pig. It was decided by Yui, Kyoko, Misato and Ritsuko that she had to wear a pig costume for the whole day and every time she spoke, she had to finish the sentence with "oink, oink". To complete the punishment an obedience collar that would deliver a non lethal but extremely painful electric shock was attached to her neck. The collar had a remote which could be activated by anyone if the little piggy misbehaved.

The remote control was a late inclusion to the design of their obedience collars. They originally intended the collars to activate when Naoko didn't finish her sentences with oink, oink but Ritsuko wanted to exact revenge personally.

"Your oinking better show signs of improvement or my finger might happen to slip." Ritsuko was enjoying her revenge and wasn't going to miss a second of it. Naoko was heard muttering various obscenities under her breathe.

"Asuka, you shouldn't laugh so hard at Naoko. What do you think is around your neck?" Kyoko tapped her daughter on the shoulder who was nearly in tears of laughter. Asuka reached up and felt the unfamiliar object around her neck.

"What the hell…" Her first instinct was to rip the thing off.

BUZZZZZZ

The young red head fell to the ground with her body twitch from the electric current pulsing through her body.

"I should mention that the collars are tamper proof. If you try to take them off then you'll get a little surprise." Ritsuko explained, happy that her little device was working as she designed and built.

"WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE ONE!" With her body this feeling a little tingly from the current Asuka still mange to leapt to her feet and grabbed her mother by the scruff of her shirt.

"You have showed tendencies to interfere with my brother's relationships with other females which seek his attention. On a day such as today it was vital that we find a way to prevent such behaviour from occurring." Rei finished explaining a small smile which sent Asuka off the Richter scale.

"You blue haired bitch! I'll kill you!" But she stopped short when Kyoko grabbed the controller from Ritsuko and thrust it into her face.

"Oh! This is so cool!" Misato chirped and tried to take the remote from Kyoko.

"Can I have a turn! Please!" She asked like a child wanting to try out a toy for the first time.

"Sorry Misato. Have you checked you neck lately?" Kyoko said as she tossed the controller to Yui.

"My neck? Why? Did my Shinji leave a couple of love bites from last night?" She giggled and walked up to a shop window to check her neck. She was shock to find that she had that same obedience collar that Asuka and Naoko were wearing.

"Can I ask you something Shinji?" Mana whispered to the teenager as Misato and Asuka tried to argue and fight the other about wearing the collars.

"I swear Mana! I didn't give Misato any hickies!" Shinji said quickly in a panic.

"Not that!I know your family is a little… what's the word… weird but is that collar thing normal?" Mana thought the idea of electrocuting family members was borderline insane and sadistic.

"Weird doesn't even start to explain it." His explanation caused Mana to look at him strangely for a moment then start giggling. He walked up to his mother who was with Kyoko and Ritsuko fending off and threatening their collared attackers.

"Give me the remote." Shinji told his mother flat out.

"Awww… But we wanna play for a little while longer! Look sweetie we can make then dance!" Yui was about to press all three buttons but Shinji quickly snatched the device from her hand and placed it in his school bag.

"HA! I knew my Shinji would come and save me!" From behind Misato wrapped her arms from him. Shinji lost his train of thought for a moment as he tried to ignore her large breasts pushing onto his back.

"Look… No one is saving anyone. The remote will be with me and since I doubt that Ritsuko is willing to tell us how to get the collars off we'll leave things the way they are." He explained to the group.

"Aww… But Shinji…" they all chorused.

"'Aww' nothing… That's the end of discussion! Now I'm going to school before I get reported for tardiness." Shinji had laid down the law and surprisingly everyone seemed to obey.

"My Shinji is right! Let's all go to school!" Yui rejoiced and resumed pushing the shopping cart of gifts and chocolate towards the direction of the school.

"No! Only students go to school! The rest of you have to go to work." Shinji had another argument on his hands.

"But what about our stress leave? I have a doctor's certificate saying that I don't have to go to work." Both Yui and Kyoko held up pieces of paper in front of Shinji's face. He quickly read them and then shook his head.

"You two just forged certificates for each other." His mother had a letter signed by Kyoko and Kyoko's note was signed by Yui.

"I don't see your point." Kyoko said as Shinji noticed Misato and Naoko each harassing Ritsuko for a fake doctor's certificate so they didn't have to go to NERV today.

"Fine… Don't go to work but all of you can't go to school. They are rules about non pupils and teachers entering school grounds." He wasn't going to spend anymore time arguing with them.

"I know!" Yui pulled out her cell phone and dialled the number for Gendo's secretary. She walked away from the group as she began jabbering away into the phone.

"Brother, we must be leaving if we are to arrive at school at an appropriate time," Shinji's sister advised him. She didn't really care either way if her mother and friends accompanied them along to school, she just didn't want to see her brother in trouble for lateness.

Yui returned to the group and closed her cell phone. "Okay! All done! We can go to school now."

"Wait weren't you listening to anything that I was saying?" he asked his mother.

"But that's all fixed up now. The rule about outside people entering the school has been cancelled. So we have no problems now." She patted her son on the top of the head.

"What are you talking about? You have no authority to change school rules."

"NERV heavy industries just purchased your school Shinji sweetie. And as co-CEO of NERV that makes me the new boss of the school."

It became apparent what the phone call was about. Shinji had no way of logically arguing his point now. He just accepted his fate and started walking towards school.

"Hey Shinji! Wait up," Mana called out and chased up to him. When she caught up with him she casually looped her arm around his which caused veins in Asuka and Misato forehead to rise and threaten to burst.

"Okay Troops! Let's go back to school!" Yui shouted and led the adults after Shinji.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR NOTES  
Hi everyone. Thanks for all the positive reviews, especially the guys that who have read from the beginning and stuck with my story and dennisud who reviewed five times during one reading. I only have a couple of rambling for this chapter.

Some may say that Shinji getting chocolate wouldn't save him from the intense heat of an explosion. And it's probably true but this is Everyday and anything can happen (That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it)

Originally I had planned only one chapter for Valentines Day and I saw wanted to post it during the week of the 14th of Feb but you know how things go. So the next chapter will be the conclusion to the Valentines Day

And one last thing, Adventures of Chibi Gendo is missing this week because I totally forget about him. Sorry about that but he'll return to air next week in a double episode.

Once again special thanks to WickerMan and Lord Raa who helped in the creation of the monstrosity.

Thanks for reading, wonga316

PRE-READER'S NOTES  
I'm not sorry for delaying this chapter. In fact, I'll probably do it again for the next one.

What are you going to do about it:P

Lord Raa


	14. Chapter 14

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 14

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

MSN  
wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

DATE POSTED  
20060503

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO 3 – CITY STREETS

"Man… Ikari is running late." Touji looked at his watch again as he and Kensuke waited for the last member of stooges' trio to arrive at their usual meeting point before heading off to school together.

"He probably slept in again or may be the red devil finally did him in," Kensuke offered a reasonable answer.

"Why are you so anxious to get to school anyway?" He asked his sport fanatic friend. Kensuke had noticed an uneasiness and restlessness in Touji this morning. It was unlike Touji to be in a hurry to do anything, let alone want to be on time for school.

"What! Ah… No reason!" Touji was quick to give the impression that nothing was bothering him but it only made his friend morecurious. The computer geek decided not to say anything at first and rummaged through his school bag for his diary.

"AH HA! I knew it!" Kensuke dropped everything and accused his companion. His school diary falling to the ground on today's date.

"You wanna get to class early to see if the class rep has any chocolates for you! You are some piece of work."

"WHAT! NO WAY!" Touji venomously denied the accusation. He tried miserably to hide the deep shade of red coming across his cheeks. Touji was painted in a corner. Kensuke was pointing and laughing at him in the middle of an open street. Passer-by would focus on the pair and Touji was starting to feel even more embarrassed. So he acted the only way he knew how.

"You better shut your mouth!" Touji reefed Kensuke's pencil neck into a headlock and began to squeeze the life out of him. The light around Kensuke's field of vision started to go dim and if it wasn't for familiar voice it might have spelt the end for computer nerd.

"For the last time, he can't give you a piggy back ride!" the pair looked down the street to see Shinji flanked by Asuka and Mana coming down towards them.

"Shut up I wasn't talking to you!" Misato spat back at Asuka. After all, who was this little girl telling her what to do with her Shinji.

"Misato-san!" Touji instantly flung his friend to the concrete and rush to the older woman who had plagued his dreams and thoughts since first laying eyes on her.

Not waiting for an answer from Shinji, Misato leapt up on to her so called fiancé's back. The poor lad struggled with her weight and his legs began to wobble.

"Look he can't even support your fat arse!" Asuka said as Shinji fell face first into the sidewalk with Misato still on top.

"You know what I think, you're just jealous that Shinji prefers a full bodied woman like me instead of a toothpick figure like you!" The purple haired woman fired back with an insult of her own.

"Bitch! Now you die!" As Asuka was about to lunge forward and beat the life out of the woman in front her, she was unexpectedly shoved out of the way.

"Good morning Misato-san! How are you this fine morning?" Touji said while bowing to her who was still on her knees on top of Shinji. From his position he got a prefect view down her shirt.

"Oh, good morning. Who are you?" she asked like she had never seen the boy before. Touji instantly clutched his chest as the imaginary pain of his heart broke into a thousand pieces.

"Shinji! Are you okay?" Mana asked full of concern as she checked for any signs of life from the young man on the ground. Her apprehension began to fade away when he slowly turned his head towards her.

"Why is she still on top of me?" he asked her.

"BAKA STOOGE!" Asuka had figured out that it was Touji that shoved her to the ground and for the moment all her rage was focused on the sport jock. She lunged forward again but to only be shoved aside once again.

"Good morning Misato-san! How are you fine this morning?" Kensuke had quickly recovered from his near death experience at the hands of Touji when he heard Misato's angelic voice call for him from the other side. He bowed as well and was rewarded with the grand view of Misato's cleavage.

"Oh, good morning. Who are you?" she repeated from her conversation with Touji.

"I know! You guys are Mormon. Sorry but we are not interested. My Shinji and I are very happy the way we are." She had mistaken the stooge pair as the religious head cases wanting to recruit more feeble minds for their cult.

"I wonder where he is?" After mentioning his name, Misato began to wonder where her favourite man was. She scratched her head and looked around the street. A low groan from underneath her made her look down.

"GAH! SHINJI!" In all the excitement, she had forgotten that she had pinned him to the ground after wanting a piggy back ride.

"QUICK! MEDIC!" she screamed on the top of her lungs. Ritsuko Akagi trotted up with her first aid field kit at the ready.

"You have to fix him Ritsu! That love hotel room I booked tonight is not refundable!" Misato grabbed her friend by the front of the coat and began shaking her.

"Quit that! And it would help if you got off the poor boy." The blonde quickly slapped Misato's hands away. Her amethyst haired friend looked puzzled.

"How did a piggy back ride hurt my Shin-chan?" while still thinking on an answer to the riddle that beleaguered her thoughts she climbed off and Ritsuko was able to help Shinji back onto his feet.

"Oh I know how to fix this!" Suddenly the answer hit her and she quickly ran off in the opposite direction. Everyone let Misato go on her own as they focused on Shinji for the moment.

"I'll be fine Ritsuko. Thanks for the hand." He said using her to steady himself. The blonde doctor watched Shinji reassure Mana that he was fine and calm his friends down who were jabbering off words a million miles an hour about the goddess Misato Katsuragi and her famous cleavage. She couldn't explain the feeling she felt while watching him. It wasn't respect; she already had that for him. Anyone who can survive the day to day antics of his family and friends deserved more than just respect. It wasn't quite love, yet it was more than a platonic friendship.

"Ahem! Excuse Shinji." She decided that now was the time. She didn't know why she had made him some Valentine chocolate, after all she wasn't renowned for her culinary skills and she thought the idea of Valentines Day was dated and useless in modern Japan. But something in her told her that it was the right think to do.

"I know that I'm not much of a cook but I was wondering if you…" She reached into her hand bag to pull out the wrapped gift but was interrupted.

"YIPPEE! GIGGYUP! GO PIGGY GO!" Misato hollered on the top of her lungs as she rode piggy Naoko Akagi down the street like a cowboy would a rampaging bull at a rodeo. It was now evident what Misato was meant by fixing the piggy back problem.

"Was that a…" Touji and Kensuke looked on in amazement a grown woman rode a bucking giant pig down the middle of a busy street, causing coming traffic to swerve and dodge out of the way.

"Okay everyone! Let's get focused again!" Yui spoke over the mayhem occurring in the street from behind her camera. After she had everyone's attention she continued giving directions.

"Let's get this wrapped up! I have only one day and hours of footage to shoot so Ritsuko I want you to repeat your last line and then hand Shinji the chocolates then take things from there. Where's Kyoko? We need that clapper board."

"Sorry! I just had to update the scene details on the clapper." Ms. Sohryu appeared in front of the group with a movie clapper.

"Okay! Shinji and Ritsuko. Act 1; scene 2; take 2." She clapped the black and white board and quickly got out of the camera's view.

"You're killing the mood! What sort of sick freak tapes their son receiving Valentines Day gifts!" the blonde doctor yelled back at both mothers. Yui's bottom lip began to tremble and tears started to well up. Kyoko response was quite the opposite. The black and white clapper flew through the air and slapped Ritsuko right in the face.

"WAAAAAA!" The Akagi daughter's shouting had the unexpected and undesired result of making Yui cry like a six year old.

"You're right! I'm a freak! I don't deserve to live." Yui made a beeline for the road in an attempt to throw herself in front of a moving car. Shinji and his friends pounced on the crying and sobbing woman. While they wrestled with her supernatural strength, Kyoko used the opportunity pinch back the remote control to the electronic dog collar.

"Time to dance piggy!" she snickered and then pressed the button.

"EEEEEE!"

WHACK

Naoko and Misato simultaneously let out a high pitch shriek as the high voltage current ran through their bodies. Naoko's pace went from a steady run to break neck. Misato lost control of her ride and they both slammed into a nearby dumpster. They hit the steel so hard that their facial details could be made out from the metal.

TOKYO 3 – HIGH SCHOOL

Eventually the party did arrive at school and surprisingly on time. Misato, Asuka and Naoko did have to be piled onto of Shinji's chocolates in the shopping carts and be pushed along but they still made good time.

"Look!" Shinji turned around to the group following behind him to address them with a stern voice. They were just outside the main gates of the school.

"As soon as we walk through these gates, there is to be no nonsense or monkey business of any kind. And if there is anything I swear…"

"Please don't be upset sweetie. We promise to be on our best behaviour! Isn't that right Kyoko?" Yui followed up with swift elbow to her friend's mid section.

"What the hell was that for?" Asuka's mother wasn't prepared for the shot and quickly took offence to it. She returned the favour with a slap to the back of Yui's head.

"HEY! Watch the hair!" the two grown women latched onto each other's cheeks and began to pull side ways.

"That's what I'm talking about! You can't do that here! One more time and all of you are going home!" Shinji berated them like a parent would a misbehaving child.

"Awww… But Shin…" The two mothers stopped trying to tear each other's faces off to complain about the rules Shinji have set down.

"But nothing! Now, hand over the remote control." The young man held his hand out. He knew that having the remote in his possession would go a long way to keep the mayhem to a minimum or so he thought.

"Ha! Kyoko is in trouble!" Yui sang as she wheeled her shopping trolley of chocolate and Misato into the school. Then from behind Shinji, the fleeing mother turned around and gave a quite unladylike gesture to her friend.

"Bitch! I'll show her…" Kyoko muttered under her breathe.

"I'm waiting. Hand it over Kyoko." Shinji said one more time, starting to get impatient waiting.

"Sure you can have it Shinji." The woman pulled out the remote from her handbag. She was about to drop in his hand when she quickly snatched it back.

"You just have to get it yourself." She pulled down her blouse enough to show her well endowed cleavage. She then dropped small hand held device between her massive breasts. The little box caused her fleshy mounds to jiggle a bit as they disappeared within her folds. Shinji just gulped as he began to wonder if it was a good idea to take the controller back.

"Well… come on. What are you waiting for?" she said in a sultry manner and gently swayed side to side causing her melons to have a hypnotic effect on the young man and as well as push the device deeper.

"BAKA! If you stick your hand in there…" the low and feral threat that Asuka growled broke Shinji from his trance. She had recovered with her little break on the shopping trolley.

"Well, how else do you expect me to get it out?" It was a simply question and reply but unfortunately things were never simple with the fiery red head.

"We'll volunteer!" Shinji two friends, Kensuke and Touji quickly stepped forwarded and were willing to put there bodies on the line for the greater good.

"HENTAI STOOGES!" Asuka followed up with two king size upper-cuts which sent our brave, yet dim-witted heroes over the school fence and into one of the buildings. She then grabbed Shinji by the wrist and began hauling him away from her mother and her tempting dare.

"But the remote…" he protested.

"Look baka, as long as I'm touching you then those old hags won't dare zap their precious little Shinji." Asuka's reasoning was sound. While in constant contact with Shinji the mother's wouldn't dare try to activate the collar or so she hoped. But deep down she was using the collars as an excuse to just be close to the Ikari boy.

"Touching?" Shinji repeated while his mind constructed a scene of a barely clothed Asuka clinging onto him. Her clothes would have been melted always from the electric current coursing through her body. It was funny that Asuka had a similar picture in her mind. Except that she would be on the run with Shinji flung over one shoulder and others quickly chasing after them.

"Hey! You can't fool me!" Mana objected to Asuka's idea of hanging onto Shinji for the whole day, especially on Valentine's Day. The green eyed girl grabbed onto Shinji's other wrist.

"You just want to be around him all day today." The two class mates began glaring at each other. Shinji quickly ducked as the lightening from their death stares intensified and caused a spark.

"Hey! You girls are pretty. I'm Yui Ikari, Shinji's mother. Do any of you happen to be single? Oh, are they chocolates for my little Shinji? Have any of you ever thought about having children?" Shinji watched on helplessly as his mother continued to drill each and every female student about him as they passed her by with camera in hand.

"God… Please kill me…" Shinji sighed in despair.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – CLASS 2A

"Stand. Bow. Sit," Hikari instructed as per her role as the class representative. The other students followed suit. At the end there was a loud clatter of boxes from the back left corner. As Shinji had gone to sit back down he had knocked over his tremendous pile of Valentines chocolate gifts had he had accumulated on top of his desk. It was just the morning and he was already exceeding last year's collection.

For the moment his mother and the others were with the principle. He had some how convinced them that they should go to the administration office first. This would at least give him some time away from the walking insanity delivery machine that was his mother and friends.

The female class mates looked on and giggled at his little misfortune while the boys just glared at him and cursed his name under their breathes. This was why he hated Valentine's Day: treated like an object by the girls and despised by the guys because of the attention he was getting.

"Sorry everyone," he quickly apologised and began to pick up the fallen boxes of sweets around his desk. To his surprise another set of hands began to help.

"You have always been a klutz," Asuka said as she helped him collect the fallen boxes of chocolates.

"Sorry…" he said to her again feeling a little embarrassed.

"Stop apologising!" Asuka lightly scolded and whacked him with one boxes on top of the head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Shinji-kun." Shinji turned around to see Mana also helping him pick up the fallen boxes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Shinji-kun," Asuka squeaked in a high pitched sarcastic tone that was obviously making fun of her arch rival.

"Oops!" Mana threw the largest of the boxes she picked up and it smacked Asuka right in the face. There was little effort from her to make it look like an accident. Asuka had snapped and she was about to cause grievous bodily harm on the Kirishima girl when a familiar voice caused Shinji to stand and thump his head on the bottom of the desk.

"This is highly unusual but due to changes beyond my control, we will be having some visitors today…" the elderly teacher of class 2A announced to everyone. To the teacher's side stood what Shinji feared most in the world. All his nightmares were occurring at once. He stood up dead straight and all the blood from his face drained from his face, leaving a pale ghost like feature.

"Good morning everyone, my name is Yui Ikari." She followed up with a deep bow. When the name Ikari was mention, it caused a ruckus whispers between the students.

"That's right. I'm Shinji and Rei's mother and the new owner of the high school." The whispers began to grow louder as she announced that she had purchased the school.

"Sensei? Is this true?" Hikari asked fully surprised by the news. The old man just nodded in the affirmative.

"Don't worry Hikari. My role is purely a financial stand point. I have no intention of taking over the school from the current headmaster and teachers. I'm just here for my baby's Valentines Day. I'll also like to take this opportunity that say that my Shinji is currently single and available. So if any of you pretty girls fancy yourself as Shinji's girlfriend please come and see anytime. Thank you for listening." She finished with a bow and walked up the aisle of desk to where the ghostly Shinji stood still. As she walked up she could hear the whispers going around the classroom

"Did you hear that? Ikari must be rich to buy the school." One student said.

"I know and he's single. Those rumours about him, Sohryu and Kirishima aren't true then." Another said.

"What a mummy's boy Ikari is… Do you believe that guy?" one of the boys said.

"Man… his mother is pretty hot for an old bird…" the punks comment caused a vein to pop up on Yui's forehead as she struggled to remain calm. But seeing her Shinji and Rei smoothed the savage beast within her. She kissed Shinji on the cheek and pulled a chair next to Rei. Still Shinji remained statue like.

"Is he okay?" Yui whispered to her daughter while pointing to her son.

"Brother is just in a state of shock, mother. But I can sense that his vital signs are all within normal range," Rei replied as casually like she always did.

"Hi everyone!" Misato was next to announced herself to the class and her bubbly personality was evident to see. She quickly bowed and stood back up which caused her assets to jiggle and bounce, much to delight of the male students. It was followed up by a few wolf whistles.

"My name is Misato…" she continued with her introduction. The woman was sporting a number of band aids on her face from her run in with the city dumpster earlier on.

"Please God… Don't let her…" Shinji whispered under his breathe as he sweated bullets.

"…Katsuragi…" Shinji watched in slow motion as her pink lips moved as she said her name.

"Please don't say it…" he prayed to the heavens again but it was useless.

"Oh, I'm sorry my mistake. It's Ikari. Misato Ikari. I'm Shinji's wife." It was too late.

"I am truly screwed now…" Shinji muttered before collapsing on the floor with a hollow thud.

What followed Misato's revelation was absolute chaos and anarchy. A mixture of disbelief and jealous ran through all the students of class 2A. The male students couldn't believe Ikari's luck. Not only was he rich but he was supposedly married to a gorgeous beauty like Misato. The girls weren't too impressed either. They were intimidated by Misato's looks and some secretly did have crushes on Shinji.

"Quiet down! This behaviour is not acceptable!" the teacher slammed his fist on the top of his desk. It had the desired effect and the commotion slowly died down.

"Well technically, Shinji and I are not married yet but it's a long engagement. And that doesn't mean he's back on the market! So you hussies stay away from my man!" She finished with a warning to the female population of the class and then walked up the back to her collapsed fiancé.

"'Fiancé' my butt. You're so dumb you wouldn't even know how to order a man from the internet." Asuka said in disgust as Misato walked passed her. She had said it loud enough for the purple haired woman to hear. Misato wasn't disturbed from the comment. She sat down in Shinji's seat and picked up the unconscious boy from the floor. After placing him in her lap, she wrapped her arms around him which only infuriated Asuka even more.

"Don't worry about her… if any of you girls are still interested in my Shinji then let me know," Yui whispered to a group of girls in front of her.

Asuka was about launch herself and tackle the Misato when another familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Good morning, my name is Kyoko Sohryu and I am Asuka's mother." But before she could continue someone interrupted her.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" the daughter screamed on the top of her lungs at her mother with knuckles popping and veins pulsing.

"Damn… Sohryu's mum isn't bad either…" The same perverted male student that commented on Yui was now expressing his views on Asuka's mother.

"HENTAI!" She grabbed the kid and with one mighty heave tossed him out the window while he was still sitting at his desk. Glass piece flew everywhere as other students opted for the duck and cover position underneath their own desks.

"Asuka! You apologise this instant!" from the front her mother pointed and began dressing her down. But it did little as the human volcano stalked towards the front of the classroom.

"I'll teach you for not listening to your mother!" Kyoko quickly pulled down her blouse and reached between her melons for the remote control. Most of the boys in the classes collapsed with nosebleeds as the sight of a heavy breasted beauty playing around with her chest sent their hormones into over drive. Even the teacher found it hard to not stare.

"BITCH! DIE!" Asuka snarled before leaping onto a desk and vaulting herself like a human missile at her mother.

BUZZ

"Take that!" Kyoko had found the remote in the nick of time and activated it. Asuka's body lit up like a bulb in mid air as the non lethal current run through her body. Soon it was over and she fell to the floor smoking and twitching involuntary.

"Thank Ms. Sohryu. Please take a seat," the teacher said trying to regain some control of the class and clear his mind of Kyoko bouncing breasts. Kyoko nodded and grabbed Asuka by the ankle as she stepped over her daughter. She dragged Asuka's well done carcass towards the back where Misato was with Shinji.

"Okay, now that we are done. Please open your science books to page…" before the teacher could finish someone interrupted him.

"AHEM! I think you are forgetting someone!" Naoko stamped her pig trotter on the floor. She was upset that she was left out.

"Oh!" the teacher didn't know what to make of a grown woman in a bright pink pig suit and was lost for words.

"This is discrimination! What type of class are you running here!" Naoko stomped over and poke her piggy fore-trotter into the teacher's chest.

"That's it piggy! Fight the power!" Misato shouted and pumped a fist into the air, encouraging her friend's actions.

"That's enough, piggy. Now, let the teacher continue with the class," Yui said from the back while writing down the details of Shinji's female class mates. She wasn't going to miss this opportunity to collect valuable data.

"SHUT UP! I'm sick of this suit! I'm suit of this collar! And I'm sick of y…"

BUZZ

Just like Asuka, the human size pig fell to the ground convulsing as Kyoko flicked the switch on the remote. What made things even funnier was Naoko make a high pitch squeal, almost like a real pig would.

"How does everyone like their bacon?" Kyoko shouted above the electrified oinks from Naoko.

"Extra crispy, please!" Misato said as the distinct scent cooking pork products began to fill the air.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – NURSES OFFICE

Ritsuko Akagi had resigned herself to the currently vacant nurse's office. The real school nurse was on maternity leave to give birth to her first child. Ritsuko had no intention to be involved in Yui's grand Valentine's Day master plan.

"WARK!" Behind her were the two shopping trolleys of chocolate for Shinji and Pen-pen in his little cage. His flippers wrapped around the bars of his portable cell, try to shake them loose.

"Sorry Pen-pen. You're not getting out any time soon," Ritsuko spoke while leaning back in the chair and placing her hand behind her head.

"WARK!" the warm water bird complained once more before flipping off his human companion.

"Sniff… Sniff… You smell that? Smell's like ham." The whiff of the tasteful meat was in the air and didn't go undetected by the blonde scientist.

"It must be coming from the canteen… It's making me hungry…" She continued to talk aloud unaware that sensation she smelt wasn't coming from the canteen but classroom 2A down the hall. The sound of the door to the nurse's office opening got Ritsuko's attention.

"Oh I'm sorry. But should you be here?" the woman's voice was surprised to see someone in the room. Ritsuko turned around and was about to say the same thing when she recognised the young woman's face.

"Don't I know you?"

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – CLASSROOM 2A

"Is she dead?" one of the students asked as everyone crowded around a smouldering and twitching piggy Naoko Akagi and Asuka Langley Sohryu. Kyoko prodded one of bodies with her feet and a small whimper came out.

"Nah… Do you guys want to see far we can push them?" Kyoko asked the group with an evil glint in her eye.

"Hikari, would please go get the school nurse?" the teacher said trying to regain some sort of order to his classroom.

"What do you think Rei?" Yui asked her daughter as held the ledger of names and details of school girls interested in pursuing some sort of a relationship with Shinji. "Any of the girl's in here you would like as a sister in law?"

"As long as he is not harmed in anyway I don't have a preference," the albino twin said stoically and then turned to face Yui. "Do you have any intensions on gathering such information on my behalf?"

"Of course not, sweetie," Yui patted her daughter on the head. "I know of a certain Nagisa boy that has feelings for you and that wouldn't be fair."

It was difficult if not impossible to make Rei blush. But Yui had managed to do it with the greatest of ease. The mother has distracted while talking to her daughter and consequently the ledger she was holding was snatched from her grasped.

"Don't worry Shin-chan," Misato said while still cradling the paralysed boy in her arms and holding Yui's ledger, "I'll make sure no one breaks us up."

The purpled haired woman proceeded to rip pages from the book. She scrunch into little balls, tossed them into her mouth and began chewing. There was no way she was going to let this sort of evidence see the light of day.

"ARE YOU INSANE!" Yui screamed at her adopted niece as she watched Misato devour through the pages like a plague of locusts through farmer's field of crops. In desperation Yui lunged at her but surprising Misato was one step a head. While still ploughing through the pages of data Yui had gather on prospective suitors for her son, Misato made a break for the door. She cleverly used the crowd gathered around Naoko and Asuka as obstacles and was nearly out when she ran into someone coming in.

"So that's what I smelt in the nurse's office?" Ritsuko mused from the hallway looking into the classroom with Pen-pen's carry cage in her hands.

"Give that back!" Yui snatched back what was left of the half eaten Shinji's little black book. She collapsed onto her knees almost crying at all the data she had lost.

"What the hell…" dazed and confused from the knock, Misato shock the cob webs from her head. Then her eyes lay upon the person that had foiled her escape.

"YOU!" Misato shouted and pointing a finger.

"Oh yeah! You remember Saki Ninomiya from the Hanamaki Hot Springs? She's the new school nurse." Ritsuko said almost happily, knowing that Saki's appearance would well and truly piss off her old college friend. The former model and pin up calendar girl showed no signs of her broken nose she suffered at the hot springs and somehow managed to look even more beautiful then before.

The students looked over the newest member to the school staff. The fair-haired model was already winning approvals from the guys and many of them had started to fake illnesses in an attempt to gain her attention.

"Why don't you watch where you are going?" Saki said in an annoyed manner while dusting her newly purchased nurse's uniform she was wearing.

"Why don't you!" Misato fired back.

"That's really mature behaviour for someone of your age." The new school nurse stated as a matter of fact. "How old are you? The adult community college is the next block up. You must be enrolled in the course introductory computers for seniors."

Misato began to seethe. Her blood boiled and face turned red then purple almost matching the shade of her famous locks. Steam began to bellow out from her ears as the students milling around what soon to be Ground Zero quickly cleared the area.

"I seems like you are showing the symptoms of high blood pressure. It's not uncommon in older people of your age." Unfazed by Misato's rapid build up of otherworldly fury in front of her, she inspected the two almost charcoaled bodies on the floor. That was when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted another student feeling quite unwell.

"What happen to you Shinji?" She changed direction and walked quickly to the statue like teenager. Showing a little more concern for him instead of the others who were obliviously more injured.

When Misato saw this, she hit critical mass and her brain had only one program… OBLITERATE SLUT. But before she could execute the command her brain was telling her to do, someone jumped on her back, sending her face first into the ground.

"Excuse Ms. Ninomiya! Would you mind answering a few questions!" Yui squealed in almost delight as she held up what was left of her little black book for her Shinji. The mother liked the way she showed concern for her boy over the others. Saki's prettiness would also be helpful in providing cute grandchildren.

"Ah… Okay… Just let me finish up here." The new school nurse said quite unsure what to make of the Yui's requested.

"Sure thing! You come and see me when you are done." Next the mother of two proceeded to crank open Misato's jaw with her bare hands. "Now you open up and give me back those pages."

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – NURSES OFFICE

"I think he's coming around." It was a distant but familiar voice that Shinji heard while between the worlds of consciousness. His eyes slowly open and recognised that the voice belonged to Ritsuko Akagi.

"I had this really weird dream." He mumbled to her while sitting up. "It was Valentine's Day. Mum and the others had invaded the school. All hell broke loose. It was really scary. Oh, and there was this really big pig. I don't know where that came from."

"Wow… That's a really weird dream…" Ritsuko replied trying not to snigger. Then other person walked up behind her.

"Welcome back Mr. Ikari. You slept for quite a while. Now hold still." Saki sat down on the bed and quickly popped a thermometer into his mouth. She next grabbed his hand and began to check his pulse.

"Don't I know you?" Shinji mumbled with the glass thermometer.

"My name is Saki Ninomiya. We met at the Hanamaki Hot Spring Resort, that's where I first found you unconscious. You seem to have a habit of fainting. I'm the temporary school nurse, by the way," she said with a smile.

"Okay… What happen to me?" he mumbled again.

"Try not to talk." Saki told him again.

"He should be fine," Ritsuko said standing up and stretching. "We better hurry before lunch is almost over. I can't believe they made me wait by your side until you woke."

"You watched over me?" Shinji asked Ritsuko innocently as Saki pulled the thermometer out of his mouth

"It wasn't like that!" the blonde doctor was quick to deny anything but the light shade of red on her features was telling something else.

"But didn't you say Shinji looked really cute when he's sleeping?" Saki said trying to have a little fun but Shinji didn't know that she wasn't lying.

"That's… What! … I don't…" Ritsuko was caught on the spot and began waving her arms around in an incompetent attempt of covering up what she really said. She didn't know that if she played it cool them Shinji wouldn't have known any better.

"Why are you at school, Ritsuko?" Shinji asked her, ignoring what Saki had said. The blonde's presence was puzzling Shinji. Still in the midst of regaining her composure she just pointed towards a window. The student got out of bed and walked over. The windows over looked the school yard the large cheery blossom tree where Shinji and his friends would normally have lunch. He didn't believe what he was seeing.

(GATHER AROUND GIRLS! DON'T BE SHY! COME ON! REGISTER YOUR NAME IN THE SHINJI LITTLE BLACK BOOK! WE HAVE RANDOM PRIZES TO GIVE AWAY CONSISTING OF VERY RARE SHINJI ITEMS!) His mother was in the middle screaming into a megaphone. A polling desk was set up nearby with Rei manning and taking the details from the surprisingly long line of female students.

(WE ARE ALSO A COLLECTION POINT FOR VALANTINES GIFTS! SO ROLL UP! HEY WHAT ABOUT YOU GIRLS! DON'T RUN AWAY FROM ME!) Shinji watched in horror as his mother ran off to chase down a group of girls.

"Shit! I have to stop her!" With a flash, Shinji bolted from the nurse's office. He moved with such speed that the rushing air blew Saki and Ritsuko skirts up.

When he reached the school yard, things were getting worst. In the background, he could hear his mother shouting various obscenities at someone who obliviously did want to leave their details in her little black book.

Misato was making her way down the line with Asuka and Mana. It was clear that they objected to what Yui was doing and were trying everything within in their power to persuade the girls to not line up. Things would have gotten physical a long time back if it wasn't for Hikari performing her role as class representative and keeping some sort of order.

Occasionally, gaps in the line up did appear but they weren't caused by Shinji's adopted cousin or his two class mates. A giant pig would barrel its way through the line followed by a horde of junior students lead by Kyoko.

"YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER! COME ON KIDS IT'S HUNTING SEASON!" She screamed back at her little troop of lunch time hunters while swinging a spear and holding the collar remote in the other hand.

"I wasn't dreaming…" Shinji placed his head in his hands in disbelief. He could close his eyes but couldn't block the sounds of total pandemonium happening in the school yard. Because he wasn't looking, someone ran into him with great speed and force. They both fell straight to the ground.

"Shinji? There you are! You have to help me!" Naoko Akagi complete with pink pig costume had collided with him. She didn't wait for a response from the boy to wrap her arms and legs around his torso.

"Out of the way, Shinji!" Suddenly he was staring at the tip of a spear which on a closer inspection was one of the school's javelins from the track and field store room. At the other end of javelin was a hand belonging to Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu. Soon he was surrounded by his the junior school mates as they formed a circle around him.

"GET OUTTA THE WAY!" Suddenly a couple of the would-be hunters were flung aside by a very pissed off red head.

"BAKA! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she screamed at him while pointing to the continuing growing line of interesting females wanting to leave their details.

"What did I…" but before he could finish another pair of arms and legs wrapped around his torso from the other side. It was followed up by a big wet kiss planted on his cheek.

"SHIN-CHAN!" Misato squealed with delight. "You still think I'm pretty! Everyone has been making fun of me. But I told them that we were married and nothing was going to change that. So everything is alright? RIGHT? RIGHT!" Towards the end of her ramble she was more telling him how it was and not really concern about his answer.

While trying to defend her most worldly procession, that being one Shinji Ikari, from the hordes of interfering females; numerous harsh words were exchanged between those that thought that Shinji should be with them. The majority of them directed at her battered and bruised face from the morning encounter with a dumpster and Yui.

(HI SHINJI!) Yui amplified voice came blaring out and everyone covered their ears. It didn't occur to her that she was shouting at everyone through the speaker when it wasn't necessary.

(MUMMY IS NEARLY FINISHED SO WE CAN ALL HAVE LUNCH SOON. HEY! GET BACK IN LINE! ONCE YOU LINE UP YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT!) With the megaphone in hand, the grandchild obsessed mother resumed her round up of suitors for her only son.

20 MINUTES LATER

Eventually order and some civility was restored to the school yard and it resembled something like a normal lunch time at a normal Japanese high school. The enrolment table for Shinji's girlfriend contest in Yui's little black book was gone and great wild boar hunt was over

Shinji and his friends had sat down under their usual cheery blossom tree with his mother and her friends. They where all in a circle with Yui's special Valentine's lunch spread out in the middle

"We have to get back to class now." Shinji said tiredly to everyone. Shinji had felt that they had spend enough time fooling around lunch was over but his mother had other plans.

"But you haven't eaten any of your special Valentine's lunch," Yui said to her son. Another chocolate feast lay on a picnic blanket before everyone which rivalled her morning's effort.

"Lunch is over. We have to get back to class," he deadpanned.

"Don't worry about that! I've changed the whole school time table for the rest of the day." She said cheerfully before shoving a spoon of her rich chocolate cake in her son's mouth.

"Yeah! We can spend the rest of the afternoon together!" Misato looped her arm around his and placed her head on Shinji's shoulder like a love sick teenager.

"GACK! I think I'm going to be sick…" Asuka voice her obvious disgust at her long time rival's actions.

"I think someone is getting a little jealous," Kyoko teased her daughter between bites of Yui's rich chocolate mud cake. Asuka just flipped off her mother. She was tired from trying to fend out the girls registering their interest and details in Yui's book to actually really care now.

"There you all are!" everyone turned around to see Ritsuko standing. She was followed closely behind by a badly bruised and battered Touji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida. After Asuka's drop punt, they had landed someone on the other side of the school and have only now made it back.

"I found these two while looking for you guys," Ritsuko motioned back at the two stooges. Kensuke was worst of the two and aimlessly stumbled into the middle of the circle where Yui's special lunch was setup. His injuries and exhaustion had caused him to loose all sense of what he was doing or where he was going.

"DON'T YOU…" before the mother could finish her line. The bespectacled boy fell and collapsed face first into her special chocolate cake she had made for Shinji. Pieces of cake and icing flew everywhere making a big mess.

"AHHH! MY CAKE!" She cried out at first but then anger quickly set in as usual for the mother of two. Out of no way she pulled out her favourite weapon of mass destruction: her patented wooden cooking spoon.

"Thou have no fury like a mother with a busted CHOCOLATE CAKE!" she lunged forward with demonic eyes burning but stopped when Shinji stepped between her and his collapsed friend.

"MUM! It's alright!" Shinji didn't want any more blood to be shed today. So far things were going well considering what had happen. The body count was still at zero and the day was nearly over.

"Hikari, can a person breathe through chocolate cake?" Mana asked after she was a little concern that Kensuke had not moved an inch about falling face first into the cake.

"My Shinji… You always had a soft heart…" Yui changed instantly from berserker to loving mother when confront with her son.

"But you have to understand that… NO RUINS MY BABY'S VALENTINE'S DAY LUNCH!" just easily she changed to her loving herself she reverted back to the monster that even the underworld of hell would banish. This was the side of Yui had even frightened Shinji and cowered shielding his eyes.

"Mother, it is time for your presentation at the school auditorium." Rei had interjected just in the nick of time. She had the uncanny ability of doing this and if she didn't use it, Tokyo-3 would have had to have been rebuilt several times already.

"You are right, Rei sweetie! We have so much to setup." Yui said normally and snapped her fingers making her wooden spoon disappear. Shinji face faulted as his mother began leading away his sister towards the school hall.

"That's right! I nearly forgot about that! I better hurry if I want a good seat!" Misato said before quickly getting up and running after Yui and Rei.

"We better get going as well piggy." Kyoko said to a curled up sleep Naoko. The funny thing was that the grown woman in the pig suit was actually asleep and snoring like a real pig. She even had the occasional hind leg twitch.

"I said get up piggy!" Asuka's mother followed up with a swift boot up the rear end of the resting woman. This did wake Naoko. She instantly turned and clamped her jaws around her attacker's leg. Kyoko tried desperately to shake her off but Naoko just bit down into her friend's flesh, snarling more like a wild boar.

"DAMN IT! SOMEONE SHOOT IT!" Kyoko screamed running in the direction of Misato.

"What the hell are they up to?" Asuka asked no one in particular while still trying to get some of the chocolate out of her school dress.

"Who cares as long as they are away from me for a while?" Shinji said while enjoying the peace and quiet for the moment.

"They're not that bad Shinji-kun," Mana said smiling while in the distance they could see Kyoko slamming her leg against the side of the school building in an attempt to shake the jaw lock Naoko had on her. "I find your mother and her friends very funny."

"Oh Shinji-kun, I find your mother and her friends very funny." Asuka rolled her eyes and mimic Mana in a sarcastic manner.

"Let's go, baka, before they burn down the school or start revolution or something." Asuka didn't stay around for Mana to return an insult and stated dragging Shinji towards the school hall.

As everyone slowly disappeared, it just left Ritsuko and Shinji's two idiot friends. She looked at Kensuke who was still not moving after falling face first into Shinji's chocolate cake. Touji had collapsed to the side and making various groans and moans.

"Screw this! I'm going home." She huffed and began walking out of the school with everyone gone she was free to what ever she wanted and hanging around a high school wasn't one of them.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES – CEO OFFICE

"What are you doing?" Kaji said as he stuck his head into the Gendo's office. He was looking for Fuyutsuki and heard some strange noises come from within the room. When he peeked in, the man he was looking who was rummaging through the CEO's things like a pack rat.

"Don't just stand there. Get in and help me look before someone see us." The old man shouted to him in a whisper.

"If you are looking for Ikari, I don't think that he'll be behind his liquor cabinet," the pony tailed main said before stepping in and closing the door behind him.

"I couldn't care less about that fool. I'm after the switch to his secret safe." Fuyutsuki had known Gendo for a long time and realised that a man like him wouldn't put up with Yui or her friend's stunts just because he liked the heart ache. Old man Ikari must have had some sort of backup or plan B. Fuyutsuki was hoping that it would be a small fortune.

"What ever we find we spit fifty – fifty." Said Kaji before he started helping ransack the office.

"Seventy – thirty." Fuyutsuki wasn't going to be swindled out of his big pay day.

"Sixty – forty." Kaji wasn't a fool and didn't want to be cheated out of a possible fortune.

"Sixty five – thirty five is my last offer or I'll email everyone in the company certain pictures of an employee getting a facial and pedicure." Fuyutsuki knew that hiring that private detective to spy on his colleagues would prove handy.

"Fine! But it's the trend now for men to do those sorts of thing. Plus it's a great place to pick up lonely women," Kaji tried to justify his metrosexual behaviour.

"Whatever pretty boy, just keep looking." The two men continue to look. When they didn't find anything they started to loose their patience and started to really trash Gendo's office.

"Hey! Over here!" Kaji had found a hidden switch underneath a lamp that was on a corner table on the over side of the room. Fuyutsuki went over and the both of them looked at each other before he pushed it. The corner table sunk into the floor leaving a prefect square in the floor. A sturdy steel box rose up in replacement. It had a hinged door protected with a number pad.

"Great. What do we do now?" Kaji tapped the sides and top. There was no way that they could break into it with their bare hands.

"Do you actually do any work around here? The safe is manufactured by NERV. There is an override code for all models" Fuyutsuki began pressing a combination of keys which made beeping sounds.

"I knew that…" Fuyutsuki's younger partner in crime said but the older man just shook his head as the override programming was top secret and Kaji wouldn't have had clearance to read the memo in any case. Fuyutsuki was amazed that Kaji just didn't admit that he didn't know about it.

"I'm in." After a few combination changes the locking mechanism disengaged and the door swung open. When both men looked in there was nothing but an envelope. Fuyutsuki quickly grabbed it and tore it open. Inside was a single sheet of paper. He folded it and begun reading.

"This is awesome… I'll be so rich that Misato won't be able to say no to me again…" Kaji said in a dreamily voice while drooling. "HA! Screw Katsuragi! I'll be able to have any women in Tokyo Three."

"That… That…" Kaji noticed that Fuyutsuki was beginning to shake while the gripped the open letter.

"What is it? What does it say?" Kaji snatched the letter from the older man's hands which remain in their position and still shook with rage.

"My silly baka Gendo. If you think you can hide anything from me, you are sadly mistaken. Do you really think I am that naïve? Ha! I even figured out that you had those honey pot accounts and safes you thought you could trick me with.

But don't worry, I've clean them out as well. I can now take the all girls shopping. Plus Pen-pen needs some more nicotine chewing gum. Better luck next time.

Love,

Your super beautiful and super intelligent wife, Yui Ikari."

Kaji read aloud the letter which only seemed to infuriate Fuyutsuki.

"For nearly thirty years, I've work for them… and… and…" words couldn't express the anger and anguish Fuyutsuki was feeling. Today he had thought he could retire with be rid of the Ikari's and everyone for the rest of his natural life.

"I know. I'm surprised that Pen-pen use to smoke as well." The old man face faulted at Kaji's remark.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – AUDITORIUM

Shinji was dragged along by Asuka and Mana to the school hall to see what the mothers and co were up to. When they got there, a large crowd was already starting to build. Shinji thought it was strange that it was all female students in the crowd.

Asuka and Mana looked at each other and nodded. In a rare sight of co operation both girls pushed through the crowd while still hauling their passenger Shinji along for the ride.

"I'm so sorry. Excuse me. Sorry!" Shinji apologised every time he accidentally bumped into someone. He thought their reaction was strange. At first they would be really annoyed but when they saw it was him, their looks soften and became almost embarrassed.

Shinji could also hear a few of the girls starting to whisper and look in his direction. Some of them would giggle while others just whispered and stared intently in his direction. The almost hungry look in their eyes made him more uncomfortable than he was.

"Move, baka!" Asuka complained as the task of hauling Shinji's ass was starting to get on her nerve. She had forgotten that it was her idea in the first place.

(Excuse me everyone… Hello… Can I have your attention?) Suddenly Yui's voice echoed out of the hall P.A. system which got everyone's attention.

(Thank you for being so patient. We are having a little technical difficulty with the projector but it won't be long now. What's that?) Our trio had made their way close enough to the front of the crowd to where they could see the stage. They could now see Yui standing behind a podium and addressing the students. It looked like she was taking to someone to the side of the stage.

(It looks like all the little bugs have been worked and so we can begin.) The main light went off and a spotlight shone over Yui who stayed at the podium and continued addressing the crowd.

(I'll like to thank everyone for coming to the first annual Shinji Ikari information seminar.)

"WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING!" Shinji yelled in disbelief but it didn't deter his mother from continuing.

(Now I know many of you may not know my son personally or didn't get a chance to register your interest. After the demonstration please feel free leave your details.) At that moment a second spot light shone over a desk with Rei sitting behind it. A sign hung on the front – "Shinji Ikari Love Interest Registration".

(I decided that a slide show about my little Shinji would be a good idea to start things off for those just curiosity and those genuinely interested will gain a better insight in my baby boy.)

"Oh good God…" Shinji muttered as the immediate girls including Asuka and Mana around him giggled at his expense.

On projector screen the twenty foot wide and ten foot high was the first photo in the slide.

(This is the first picture of Shinji and Rei. They were only a couple of hours old. Shinji was first by only few minutes) Yui continued with a running commentary to go with the slides. The picture was a young Yui with longer hair holding her two bundles of joy in a hospital room.

"AWWW…" The crowd reacted.

CLICK

She clicked the next slide which showed Shinji smiling with his gorgeous baby blue eyes looking up at Yui. A younger Kyoko and Naoko were in the back ground holding Rei.

"AWWW…" As the audience reacted positively, Shinji huddled close to the ground and covered his ears in a vain attempt to block out what was happening.

"You look so cute Shinji! You were such a beautiful baby!" Mana was a little too excited and didn't realise that she was pulling his hair out from the roots.

CLICK.

(Shinji was always an inquisitive baby and often getting himself into all sort of mischief) The next couple of slides showed a year old Shinji with a mop of messy hair and rosy cheeks rumbling around some empty boxes. He had a grin from ear to ear. In one of the photos it showed him upside in one of the cardboard boxes with his little bottom sticking up in the air. This caused a mixture of giggles and awws from the crowd.

(I really like that one as well.) Yui said full of proud.

CLICK

(This is Shinji when he was almost four and the first time we went to the beach.) The first photo of this set showed the Ikari twins sitting on the beach with Rei putting some floppy seaweed on top of Shinji like it was wig. Yui was also in the picture helping them build the sand castle.

"I have to stop this before it gets any worse!" From somewhere Shinji found the courage to make a stand. It was probably adrenaline, but he didn't care what it was. As long as it helped him stop this circus it was a good thing. Shinji began pushing and shoving his way towards the stage. But he didn't reach the stage before the next couple of slides.

CLICK

A toddler Shinji was standing under a public shower with Yui washing away the salt and sand from the beach. And Yui being a caring and thoughtfully mother had pulled his adorable swimming trunks down to give him a thorough wash. Warm laughter mixed with a few wolf whistles filled the auditorium.

"THAT'S ENOUGH! STOP THIS!" Shinji had made it to the front and managed to climb up onto the stage. He was standing in front of the projection screen shouting and waving his arms around like a lunatic in a useless attempt to block the image being displayed.

"Hey down in front!" A familiar voice shouted at him. Shinji shielded his eyes from the projector slide machine and just made out the image of Misato. He wasn't sure but it looked like she had a bag of popcorn with her.

(Well isn't this a surprise? Everyone, this is my Shinji.) Yui grabbed the microphone from the stand and walked over to her son.

"What are you doing!" he asked her mother while grabbing her by the shoulders.

"GET OUTTA OF THE WAY!" Misato yelled again with a mouth full of popcorn. She was starting to lose patience with the delay which was beginning to stretch out. She wasn't alone and soon others started heckling the mother and son.

"They look like a tough crowd today… Why don't you sit next to your sister while mummy finishes the seminar?" Yui proposed to her son.

"This is not a seminar. THIS IS NOT NORMAL!" he shouted back at her.

"Awww… My little baby is a little grumpy…" She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a motherly hug.

"Why me…" Shinji sighed with tears of despair rolling down his face.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" one of the side entrances flew open with great forces and the outside light streamed into the darken hall. A grown woman with auburn hair came screaming in with something attached to her leg. Kyoko had tried everything rid full size pig biting into her flesh but failed.

Everyone crowded around her as she tried slamming her attacker against the side of the stage. But every time this happen piggy Naoko just sunk her teeth and claws deeper into her thigh.

"Kyoko this is no time for games! I'm in the middle of the seminar and…" Yui let go of Shinji went over to berate her screaming friend but was cut off middle sentence.

"SHUT UP AND HELP ME!" Yui's neighbour screamed back. As the bizarre scene continued to unfold, Yui notice that a few girls in the back of the hall began to leave. This set off a trend for the others which began to follow their lead. The sight of losing her audience just infuriated the mother of two even more.

"YOU TWO ARE RUINING EVERYTHING!" In her fits of rage Yui drove off the stage and tackled her two friends. In the melee, the remote control to the obedience collars in Kyoko's procession was crushed under the mother's weight. This some how sent all the collars out of control. Naoko lit up like a Christmas tree as well did Misato and Asuka. Yui and Kyoko received a severe shock as well.

The massive jolt of electricity was enough for Kyoko to free herself from the rabid pig. A last ditch effort sent Naoko sailing into the air. For some reason, Naoko's collar set her costume on flames and a human dressed as pig looked like fiery meteorite rocketing through the atmosphere.

Shinji knew that there was a good joke here about flying flaming pigs but didn't have time to really think of it as he had to dive for cover as screaming ball of flame was heading his in his direction. The projectile barely missed him as it bounced off the stage floor where he was standing. Naoko's screaming stopped and she rolled towards the back of the stage where she ended up against the projector screen which slow began to catch alight.

"Brother, it is not safe for us to remain in this structure," Rei advised Shinji as she grabbed him on the shoulder.

"What?" Still a little disorientated from the dive Shinji failed to understand what his sister was saying. Rei knew better than to stay and explain the situation to her some times dim-witted twin brother. So she picked him up in a fireman's carry and quickly made her way towards the nearest exit. As they were leaving Shinji could she her mother and the others.

"YOU BITCH! YOU WRECKED EVERYTHING!" Yui had her hands around Kyoko and was choking the life from her. A second set of hands were around Kyoko's neck which belonged to Asuka. The malfunctioning collar was no deterrent for her as she helped Yui throttle her mother.

Misato was running around glowing like an electric eel because of the current coursing through her body. Unpopped kernels from her bag of popcorn were now exploding around her and she left a trail everywhere she went.

The chaotic scene unfolded with a border of smoking and flames as Shinji slowly began to lose consciousness.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES – HEADQUARTERS

Gendo trudged his way towards his office. Workers would stare at him as he went by. The sight of their ruthless CEO looking dishevelled, dirty and half staving was extremely unusual. They began gossiping among one another. Some of it was loud enough for him to over hear.

"Is that Ikari? I don't believe it."

"Looks like Vice President really put him through the ringer this time." Some offered a suggestion that his current state was the doing of his beloved wife Yui. Gendo's eyebrow twitched at this moment. The employee was right on the money.

"What sort of example is he setting for the junior employees?"

"This isn't good. What would our competitors think?"

The comments continued as he reached the door of his office. Through the frosted glass he could make out the shadowy figures of two people. They seem to be arguing about something.

"This is not an issue about a stupid penguin trying to quit smoking!" Fuyutsuki was almost pulling his own hair out. He should have known better to try and explain to Kaji what they have missed out on.

"Actually, a warm water penguin puffing away on a cigarette is pretty funny. I reckon if we took this idea to the toy department it'll have a hit. It'll be a success. I'll get a promotion and more money. Then Katsuragi will have not reason to ignore me!" Fuyutsuki slapped his forehead in frustration.

"What's going on here?" Gendo demanded in a hoarse whisper. His two subordinates were too busy debating to realise the he had appeared in the doorway. The President of NERV looked around his trashed office and then spotted his secret safe.

"Oh no!" Panic set in and blocked out the exhaustion he was suffering. Gendo rushed over to the safe to check its contents. When he found it was empty, he turned back at Fuyutsuki and saw the letter still in his hands. Before Fuyutsuki could say or do anything, Gendo had snatched the letter from his friend and began reading.

As Gendo read the cheeky letter from his wife, he began to involuntary shake with rage. Veins in his arms and forehead began to pulse.

"Ikari! We can explain!" Fuyutsuki quick said as relised that he had been caught red hand in the proverbially cookie jar.

"Yui…" Gendo hissed through his teeth.

"Yeah that's right! We came here to investigate a strange noise and found everything like this." Kaji made up and then delivered a swift elbow to his partner.

"Yeah! This was all the Vice President's doing," Fuyutsuki followed up and hoped that Yui didn't found out that they had used her as a scapegoat.

"Yui… Yui… YUI!" Gendo bellowed his wife's name in an animalistic roar that tore through corporation headquarters.

TOKYO THREE HIGH SCHOOL

The sounds of fire engine sirens and smoke in the air woke Shinji from another one of his trademark faints. As he sat up a yellow fireman's coat draped over him as a blanket fell off him. The sight before him was something from a scene of a disaster.

His high school was a blaze. The flames from the buildings licked the now orange sky accompanied by the thick black smoke. Numerous fire engines and fire fighters were deployed and try to hose down the inferno. Shinji wasn't an expert on these sorts of things but he knew that the school was too far gone to be saved. Right now the fire department was just concentrating on stopping the flames from spreading to surround areas.

"Hi Shinji sweetie! Did you have a good nap?" His mother startled him from behind. He turned around to see that she was covered in soot and ash from the fire.

"Are you okay! What about everyone else? Is everyone alright!" Shinji's mind then instantly thought of his family and friends. Somehow the sight of an entire high school burning to the ground before didn't seem to worry the mother.

"Everyone is fine." She said with one of her usually warm smiles.

"I managed to save the slide show and my little black book." She held up both items in each hand. "Do you wanna see all the pretty girls that like you?"

"Ah… Not right now…" Shinji politely refused his mother's offer.

"You're right. When I get into the office tomorrow, I'll put these in the MAGI and ask Naoko to run some match up scenarios with you and the girls. I'll also give you mummy's top five picks."

"What ever makes you happy…" It had been a long day and Shinji didn't have the energy to argue or to try and talk some sense into this mother.

"You are such a good boy!" Yui pulled his boy into a giant bear hug.

"Hey baka! This is your entire fault!" Asuka stomped over, cover in soot and ash as well. She was holding the end of you long red hair. "I can't go anyway with singed hair like this!"

The tips of Asuka's famous crimson locks had somehow been burnt in the fire. Yui let go of his son and he quickly went over to the enraged red head.

"Asuka! Thank God you're alright! Are you hurt?" He ignored the complaints about her damaged hair. Shinji had his hands on her shoulders and was staring intently at her. The look in his eyes made Asuka complete forget about her hair. Rare moments like this were when the real Shinji that Asuka really loved came out of his shell. It was a compassionate yet strong person that put other's wellbeing before that of his.

"Asuka!" Shinji called her name out again when she didn't answer because she was still lost in his eyes.

"Yeah… baka…" she mumbled aimlessly. Asuka didn't know what came over her but she pursued her lips and leaned foward a little. She closed her eyes in anticipation for Shinji to take the initiative and kiss her. But the moment was unceremoniously broken.

"SHIN-CHAN!" Misato's voice rang across the yard where they where standing. She ran towards the couple and shoulder-barged Asuka out of the way. The older woman was too quick for the red head and she went flying the other direction.

"Shin-chan! I burnt my bottom! Can you kiss it better?" Misato spun and bent over to show a scorched backside.

"But Misato…"

"It hurts so much, Shin-chan!" Misato cried out with fake tears running down her face. She had watched the scene unfold with Asuka and Shinji from the other side of the yard and had to do something to stop her. Unfortunately, a burnt bum was the best she could come up with.

"I believe I may be able to assist here, brother."

Misato looked between her legs to see Shinji's twin sister Rei holding a fire extinguisher.

"Rei?" She gave a small smile before spraying and blanketing the bent over Misato in a cloud of CO2 gas.

"You're getting really good at that Rei sweetie," Yui commented as white cloud began coughing and sputtering before the mother and her children.

"Thank you, mother," Rei said before hosing Misato once more just to be safe. They were too busy to notice a fireman walk to them. He appeared to have something in his hand.

"Excuse me ma'am. But I think we have found the source of the ignition." He held up the object which was a barbeque crispy chibi critter of a pig. Yui poked the still smouldering chibified piggy Naoko while the fireman held it up.

"That explains everything. Something with such a high fat content is bound to be a fire hazard," Yui mused as the fireman placed the carbonised carcass on the ground and went back to his team trying to contain the flames.

"I guess Naoko doesn't have to spend that money on the liposuction and face lift now…" Yui said while making the symbol of a crucifix in the air for her deceased friend.

"I'M NOT FAT!" The carcass came back to life with a tremendous roar and attacked the person who had insulted her. Few things really annoyed Naoko Akagi and she was normally calm and level head person but mention anything about her waistline sent her into berserker mode.

"AHHHHHH!" Yui screamed while running around the yard with a Naoko latched onto her behind. She was like a blur trying to shake off the thing that was biting into her self-confessed catwalk supermodel bum. Occasionally she would stop at a fire engine and slam her ass against the side in an attempt to dislodge her friend with jaws like steel bear traps.

"YOU BITCH! WHAT HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Asuka's rage had peaked again and this time it was all aimed at the suffocating Misato Katsuragi. She didn't hesitate in diving head first into the cloud of CO2 in order to inflict some pain.

Shinji sighed and let his shoulders slump to the ground again as yet another round random catfights involving his family started up again.

"Father? You are alive?" Rei's word caused Shinji to look up from the ground. A NERV company limo had pulled up without them knowing and man that most intimated Shinji in the world was walking towards them. Behind him were Fuyutsuki and Kaji with stunned and shocked faces. They too couldn't believe the amount of destruction and anarchy that was happening before them.

"Rei… You and your brother get in the car." Gendo spoke in a voice that was not to be argued with. Rei complied with her father's orders. She dropped the red fire extinguisher and lead Shinji towards the car.

"YUI IKARI!" he yelled loud enough get everyone's attention in the immediate area. Firemen stopped what they were doing. Asuka and Misato stopped trying to tear each other's limbs off to see what was happening. Only Yui remained activate.

"Damn it! Open up!" She had managed to get her hands on a crow bar and was trying prise piggy's jaws open.

"Woman! You have some explaining to do!" Gendo made a beeline over to his wife.

"First of all you destroyed the heritage listed Hanamaki Inn! Signed off on a purchase of twenty million Yen on fish and left the tins in the nature park! I have over thirty messages from the environment minister, wildlife officers and environmentalists about the illegal dumping of trash! You ransacked my office and stolen an undisclosed amount of company funds for you own pleasure! I have a minister of education asking why NERV would buy a high school, the minister of defence, the governor general of the JSSDF, US military contractors; all wanting to know where are their VTOL units, the mayor of Tokyo-3 harassing me about two explosions in his city and the chief of the fire department wanting to know why the only high school in the city is now a giant bonfire! And I haven't even started on everything I had to do to get back here! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!"

"Stupid piggy! Get off me!" Gendo's long monologue went unnoticed by his wife as she continued trying to dig out Naoko from her rump.

"STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND LISTEN TO ME, YOU CRAZY BITCH!" Gendo had reached his breaking point and said something which shouldn't have been said. There was deadly silence only the roar of the flames filled the air. He had Yui's attention now.

Naoko noticed that the prying of the crow bar had stopped. She could see Yui's hand from where she was and her knuckles were turning white. The pressure had gotten to the stage where the reinforced steel on the crow bar snapped in two.

"Piggy's getting the hell out of here." Naoko hot-footed from the scene and was waved downed by Kyoko who was now sporting a neck brace. She was hiding behind the two shopping carts full of chocolate they brought this morning. Misato and Asuka were also taking cover behind the carts.

"Jez… did you hear what he called her?" Naoko said to her friend. The past transgression between the two old friends was all but forgotten.

"This is good. Gendo's is about to get a real ass whooping," Kyoko began laughing but stopped when the sharp pain hit her neck. She was a tough woman but trying to fight off Yui and her daughter at once was too big of a task.

Gendo watched as the halves of the crowbar fell to the ground with a hallow clang. He slowly looked back up at his wife. The raging fire behind her was the prefect setting. It was like the two of them were in the depths of hell. Yui's eyes didn't burn or show any rage. They were just cold and emotionless; quite a contrast to the burning buildings surrounding them. In his almost sixteen years of marriage he had never seen his wife like this.

"What did you call me?" Her voice was ice just like her eyes and with the heat from the fires Gendo still found his blood turning cold and chilling him to the core.

"Ah…"

WHACK. Before he could finish Yui had broken a wooden over his head. She had moved so fast that he didn't even see her move.

"I said, what did you call me!" she asked void of all emotion.

"Wha…"

WHACK. A second wooden spoon was smashed over his head.

"What's happening?" Shinji asked while trying to see pass his sister. They were in the back seat of the NERV corporate car. Rei was about to give him a detailed description when a splash of blood washed over the window she was looking through. It startled her and she thought is wasn't a good idea to let him know what was happening

"Mother and father are discussing something." She couldn't lie to him either. Just then the sounds of more blood splattered against the car.

"Hmmm… It might be raining. This should help the fire fighters." Shinji spoke too soon as something fell onto top of the roof of the car leaving a sizable indentation.

"What the hell was that!" In answer to his question, the passenger door on his side opened.

"Shinji, Rei are you two okay?" Yui asked in a loving and motherly tone.

"You're bleeding!" Shinji quickly noticed that his mother had blood staining her clothes, running down her face and through her hair.

"Oh I'm fine dear. This isn't mummy's blood. I'm sorry to scare you." As she finished talking a hand with a wedding band dropped down in front of her from the roof. It was obvious now that it was a body that slammed into the roof of their car and hand belonged to said body.

"Mummy has to speak to the fireman for a little bit. When I'm done we can go get some ice cream, okay." She closed the door in her son's face and jammed the hand between car and door body. It began to spontaneous twitch. The door reopened and it was Yui again.

"Sorry. I need this." She pulled the squashed hand out of the way and closed the door again.

Soon Shinji could hear the sickening thud of body meeting concrete and steel; bones snapping and muscles torn from their tendons. The noises continued for almost five minutes as the twin siblings sat quietly in the back seat.

"Ah Rei…" Shinji was about to ask what he was thinking but she cut him off.

"What favour of ice cream are you going to have brother?" Rei quickly changed the subject. Then the front doors of the limo opened and two people got in.

"Man… I'll never get these blood stains out of this suit." Kaji complained as he sat in the driver seat. Fuyutsuki sat in the passenger side and ignored him. It wasn't that he didn't disagree with Kaji. He was just too busy try to soak up as much of Gendo's blood with his handkerchief.

"Hi Shin-chan! I heard we are going to get some ice cream!" Misato appeared on Rei's with the others behind her. "I'm coming as well. After all we have that seven o'clock booking at the hotel for us. We can go straight there after ice cream."

"The hell with that! He's not going anywhere!" Asuka pushed passed Misato and quickly scrabbled across to the other side of Shinji.

"Hey! I was going to sit next to Shinji!" Misato objected to Asuka's move and dived in after her. The way she laid across the backseat all Shinji got was a faceful of her chest which was starting to cause him difficulties in breathing.

"Excuse us, Rei," Kyoko politely excused herself and Naoko as they stepped into the car to sit on the opposite seat facing the kids and Misato. Asuka's mother was holding Pen-pen who seemed a lot calmer than in the morning. She had let him out of his cage and the two beers he was holding had a lot to do with his placid nature.

"Okay!" the other door opened and Yui reappeared. "Mummy is done talking to Mr. Fireman. We can now go get some ice cream."

She stepped into the car and sat next to Kyoko and Pen-pen, her clothes completely soaked and dripping with blood.

"Hey, Yui," Kyoko said while pointing to her own hair as to signal something was in Yui's hair. When Yui checked it was the severed finger with the wedding band that hung in the door way earlier on.

"Oh my… That shouldn't be there." She said with a smile and rolled down the window then carelessly tossed it out. Her attention was now on the back seat jostling between Asuka and Misato.

"I know how I can solve this." She reached on a reefed her son out from underneath Misato. Yui knocked on the glass partition behind her to signal to Kaji that they were ready to get going. "My Shinji can ride in my lap while we go get ice cream."

"Don't you think he's a little old to be babied?" Kyoko said pulling Shinji onto her lap.

"I think he'll much prefer a real woman's touch," Mrs. Sohryu said as she purposely placing his head between her melons.

"Are you saying that I'm a bad mother!" Yui grabbed her son back only to have Misato latch onto one of his arms.

"I wanna hold him!" She said as the tug of war started and the limo started moving.

"Oh Kaji…" Yui called out to him while still trying to wrestle her son from the others

"Yes ma'am…" After the vicious display he witness, he wasn't going to address her as anything else.

"Can you take the scenic route to get some ice cream?" Unknown to all of them Yui had tied Gendo's bloody and severely dislocated shell to the back of the limo with some chain. As they moved, his body started to drag along the road leaving thick trail of blood and flesh behind them.

TOKYO THREE – IKARI HOME

When they received home, everyone filed out of the limousine. Misato was still sucking on an ice cream cone and Naoko eating some straight from the tub.

"I guess you guys will have to stay with us for a while." Kyoko said as she kicked a piece of rumble that was formerly the Ikari homestead.

"Come on baka." Asuka grabbed Shinji by the hand and began leading him to her house. She was still hell bent on stopping Misato taking Shinji to any sort or hotel for the night; seedy or not.

"Wait. Does anyone what happen to father?" he asked for the hundredth time since leaving the school. He didn't see Yui at the back of the limo picking up a piece of chain.

"That baka got away…" she said grinding her teeth and the end of the chain into small steel dust particles.

As Asuka lend Shinji on, she noticed someone standing at the front door.

"Who the hell are you!" She demanded the man in a suit outside her our home. The man turned slowly turned around to reveal that he wasn't Japanese. He had dark hair almost auburn in some parts and pale blue eyes.

"What is it Asuka?" Her mother asked coming up behind them. "Oh my God…"

"Hallo tochter. Es ist eine lange Zeit gewesen." The man said in a thick German accent.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Hi everyone. Many thanks for positive reviews. Apologies for the delay in posting. This was my longest chapter. For the record – 34 pages and over 13,700 words. For those wanting to know what the mystery man at the Sohryu front door said below is a translation.

**_Hallo tochter. Es ist eine lange Zeit gewesen - Hello daughter. It has been a long time._**

I'm not sure if it's proper German but I got it from www(dot)freetranslation(dot)com. So it's good enough for me :P

Special thanks for Lord Raa for putting the extra yards to proof read this chapter and WickerMan for bouncing idea around.

Thanks for reading, Wonga316


	15. Chapter 15

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 15

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

CHAT  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
Yahoo – wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
AIM – wonga316

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

DATE POSTED  
20060527

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO THREE – IKARI HOME

"Hallo tochter. Es ist eine lange Zeit gewesen." The man said in a thick German accent. He was stout in appearance. The complete business suit complemented his resolute guise. He held his head up high and stood with almost a prefect posture.

"Pa… pa…" Asuka muttered in disbelief as Shinji notice the strong grip she had own his wrist loosen.

"Papa!" Shinji exclaimed.

"Allow me to introduce myself…" This time the man spoke in Japanese. "My name is Eckehard Wolfgang Briefadel Zeppelin. I'm the current heir to Briefadel family house and Asuka's father."

His brief introduction was followed by a prolonged silence accompanied with some gapping mouths. But no one was as shocked as Asuka and Kyoko. The mother and daughter were overwhelmed beyond any comprehension.

"What's going on?" Naoko spoke with a mouth full of ice cream. The woman in the pig suit had appeared out of no where between the Eckehard and everyone else. It was apparent that she failed to see the severity of the situation.

"What are we looking at?" It was very apparent that piggy had no idea what was going.

INSIDE THE SOHRYU RESIDENCE

Everyone was seated at dinning table and not a word was spoken. The only noise made was Yui pouring tea a cup of tea for everyone. The man who claimed that he was Asuka's father sat on one side and everyone else on the other. The air was thick with tension, even more than when he'd first announced himself outside.

"First off allow me to apologise for appearing here without prior warning. My people left numerous messages but it would seem that they didn't reach the relevant people." Eckehard broke the silence.

"Hey Kyoko! What's this? You have thirty eight messages on your answering machine. You should really listen to them. They might be important." Still in her pig costume, Naoko had notice the flashing red number of the recording device. She liked flashing things.

Naoko's discovery caused a frustrated eyebrow twitch in Eckehard. He took a deep breathe to calm himself before speaking again.

"I shall keep this short and to the point…" But he was cut off by some one speaking in the background.

"Do you think we should listen to them? Kyoko is busy at the moment. We would be helping her out." It was Misato. She had taken an interest in the thirty eight recorded messages as well. Actually, it was the flashing red light that caught her interest.

"Yeah… They could be her secret messages from estranged lovers…" The senior Akagi woman giggled like a school girl.

"Or may be stalkers!" It didn't take much for Misato to stoop down to her level. "This is could be some juicy gossip!"

This time it was Kyoko to raise a twitching eye brow. Normally she would have ignored friend's stupidity and continued what she was doing but thing were different this time.

The Naoko and Misato chatter slowly grew into an argument about the contents of the recording. Meanwhile Kyoko and Eckehard seem to sit with their arms crossed stewing in their own anger.

Shinji looked to his side to where Asuka was sitting. He noticed something which he had rarely seen in the fourteen year old girl. It was uncertainty and doubt in her eyes. There were a couple of things which were certain in this world. One of these things was Asuka's strength. He had never known a time when it wavered. Now things seemed different.

Shinji felt a hand come over the top of his and take hold. He looked down and found the hand belonged to Asuka. Sensing that the girl looking for some sort of support, he turned his own hand over and gave her a squeeze.

The interaction between his daughter and Shinji didn't go unnoticed by Eckehard. The constant bickering between Misato and Naoko was now not the only thing causing his blood to boil.

He reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out some pieces of folded paper. He placed then on the table and slid across to his former wife. Kyoko's eyebrow stopped twitching and her eyes focused on what was slid in front of her.

"These are airline tickets for Germany. I have come to take Asuka back for to assume her role and responsibility in the Briefadel House." When Eckehard explained what he had shown them and revealed his purpose for returning to Japan, everything was silent again.

Shinji felt the Asuka's hand tighten around his in response to her estranged father's plans. But the squeezing didn't stop. Soon Shinji was off his chair and on his knees underneath the table. His face was white with pain and mouth agape in a silent scream.

"Excellent! When does she leave!" a rather unexpected and excited Misato Katsuragi leapt up onto the dinning table and sat herself down. "I can give you all a ride to the airport. What about packing?"

The purple haired woman had seen an opportunity to rid Asuka and was going to make full use of the opportunity. While she waited for an answer from Eckehard, she didn't see behind her that Asuka was standing and grabbed the chair she was sitting on.

"BAKA MORON!" Asuka screamed on the top of her lung and clobbered Misato with her chair. It sent to purpled haired woman across the room and into the china display cabinet. Meanwhile Shinji remained under the dinning table blowing on swollen and inflamed hand.

Asuka's home run hit on Misato was the catalyst of an argument between everyone which was brewing for a while now.

"HOW DARE YOU! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COME HERE AND DEMAND SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" Kyoko shouted the man across the table which caused him to just shout back.

Misato's moaning resembled dying wildebeests on the African safari plains. Asuka had a leg of the chair that she demolished on Katsuragi's head. The leg had been broken off in such a way that it now resembled a dangerous and extremely sharp stake. Rei had gone to see how her bother was faring with his hand under the table.

"Stupid thing! Why won't you play!" Naoko couldn't figure out the answering machine and had resorted to slamming her pig trotter into it. It was quite amazing to see a woman who was capable of designing and developing the MAGI super-computer thumping an answering machine because she couldn't work out a play button.

While the bedlam and mayhem grew and grew in the Sohryu dinning room, Yui Ikari remained calmed and composed. She quietly sipped her tea and avoided the occasional glass plate thrown from the melee Asuka and Misato were involved.

"You want to know something…" the mother of twins stated simply which surprising caused everyone to stop what they were doing. Everyone looked at her as she took another sip of her tea.

"Kyoko… I think…" Everyone was now waiting for the matriarch figure to finish what she had to say.

"I think… … … You have terrible taste in tea." The anti-climatic statement caused everyone to face fault, even Eckehard.

"It's no wonder you have so many wrinkles. I wouldn't even serve this to my baka Gendo." Her mouth made smacking noises in a vain attempt to try and rid the bitter horrible taste on her tongue.

"I DON'T HAVE ANY WRINKLES!" Kyoko jumped and slid across the table. She had the other mother by the scuff of the blouse.

"I'll give you some of my special blend. It contains extra anti-oxidants which helped me keep my youthful looks." Yui patted her friend on the head like a small puppy. Kyoko just let her head hit the top of the table with a dull thud.

"It's been a long day…" Yui stood up and yawned. Everything that happen this Valentines Day looked like to be taking its toll. "I don't feel like cooking."

She bent over to look underneath the table.

"Rei, Shinji…" She called out to her children. "Mummy's feeling a little tired, so can we order take away tonight? I promise that I'll make up for it tomorrow."

"Dinner can wait. We have urgent matter to discuss." Eckehard spoke up. He knew that he would encounter difficulty persuading Kyoko to let him take Asuka back to Germany but now he was facing Yui Ikari. The former military man knew that he had to make it a quick fight if he had any chance of winning. With Yui in the picture, his window of opportunity was closing quickly.

"Oh… Are you still here Eggy?" Yui asked the man rather surprised.

"Do… not… call… me… that…" the German born man seethed. Since he had meet Kyoko's friends while they were dating, they adopted 'Eggy' as his nickname.

"Awww… Is Eggy tired from the long airplane trip?" Yui cooed to him like a baby. Steam was literally pouring from his ears. The man was from a noble German bloodline. He was not accustomed to this sort of behaviour. All his life he was treated with the utmost respect because of his social status but this all changed when he meet Kyoko and her friends.

"Why is your dad named after an egg?" Misato asked Asuka. The two girls had completely forgetting about their fight just moments ago.

"Eckehard… Eckey… Eggy…" The young red head sighed. She couldn't believe she had to explain his father's embarrassing nickname.

"I don't get it," Misato replied with a far away look on her face. Suddenly she lost her footing under a piece of chinaware fell back into the cabinet again.

"WAAAAAA! Shinji! It hurts!" she cried like a four year old.

"Hurry up and help her fat arse, baka!" Asuka shouted at the boy underneath the dinning table while she blocked her ears from the piercing cries of Misato who now sounded like a purpled haired banshee.

While Shinji scrambled to his adopted cousin to make her stop. Yui was with Naoko trying to use the telephone to order take out food.

"STUPID MACHINE! PLAY!" Naoko screamed at it while still pounding away with her little piggy hoof. It had gotten to the point where she didn't care about the messages any more. It was the mystery getting the device to what she wanted it to do.

"That'll do pig… That'll do…" Yui offered some comforting words for her frustrated farmyard friend.

"I'll will be reading my novel if you need anything brother" Rei told Shinji before resigning herself to a quite part of the house to read.

"You really have to be more careful…" Shinji quietly told Misato who he was bandaging up from her run in with the china cabinet earlier on. The older woman didn't have any serious injuries just a few bumps and bruises. But she was going to milk them for as long as she could. She was getting Shinji all to herself and that's all the mattered.

"I was… It's just that Asuka fights dirty." Misato pouted like a little girl.

"You shouldn't be so easily goaded into these sorts of things." He had finished sticking band aids to her hands and was attending to her face. "You are supposed to be the more mature one."

"But with such a caring hubby like you I don't need to worry about things like that." She said with a cheeky grin.

"And you shouldn't talk like that. What if strangers overheard and got the wrong idea?" The young boy was starting to develop a migraine from this little talk.

"Oh I don't care what strangers think about us. Now, since you are giving me a physical, I want you to feel this lump I have here." Misato had used the flimsy excuse and redirected Shinji's hand to her left breast.

"Ahhh! What are you doing!" he panicked and tried to reef his hand away but she had a firm grip on his wrist.

"It could be cancer. Have a better feel!" Before he knew it had happen Misato had thrust his hand underneath her shirt.

'Oh God… So warm... So... soft...' Shinji's mind was in automatic mode as his hand told his brain the sensation he was feeling.

"Let me cut it out if it's cancer." Both Shinji and Misato looked up from the ground to see a demonic Asuka standing over them. Suddenly Misato's left breast was the last thing on his mind as the glint from the carving knife and maniacal death stare caused Shinji's break out in a cold sweat.

"How rude… Can't you see we are in the middle of an examination?" Misato told Asuka in an annoyed tone. Then the second round melee had begun with Shinji in the middle. As this battle restarted, on the other side of the living room two others were in a fight of their own.

"Hold still! Why do you have such a fat head!" Yui strained as she tried to get the top part of Naoko's pig costume. It was currently stuck over her head and both women were pulling opposite directions as hard as they could.

"My head's not fat! You're just too cheap to get a proper costume for me!" Naoko shouted through the pig suit over her head.

"I'm not the one who just ate three tubs of ice cream!" Yui rebutted.

"It was half a tub and it was ninety five percent fat-free!" Naoko began shaking from side to try and dislodge the garment.

"This is hopeless." Without warning Yui let go of her end of the costume which cause her friend to go flying backwards. "Where's Kyoko? Hey Kyoko! We need some butter. It looks like we have to grease this lardy swine up real good."

Yui looked around the room and found her neighbor staring into a large mirror. She was intently checking out every inch of her face for any signs of wrinkles or aging. After what Yui had said, she was now paranoid that it could be true.

"Kyoko! I'm serious about this matter! Look at me!" Beside her was her estranged husband. He was quickly starting to loose patience with her.

"What the hell is she talking about!" Kyoko spoke to her own reflection in the mirror.

"I'm more beautiful now than I have ever been." The woman then sought some reassurance from someone. She ignored Eckehard's pleas and walked over to the brawl between Asuka and Misato. She reached into the tangle mess of limbs and pulled out Shinji with one swift yank.

"You're a man, Shinji. You know I'm beautiful. In fact I'm even more beautiful than Yui." She held the poor boy by the scruff of the neck and told him what he opinion should be.

"GASP! That's a lie and you know it!" After Yui had heard Kyoko's statement, the mother of two had forgotten about greasing up Naoko who was still struggling to free herself of the pig suit. "How dare you fill my son's head with your poisonous lies!"

"It's true! I've seen baboons with smacked butts that look better than you!"

Yui face's instantly screwed but before she could let out a tirade of insults some jumped in before her.

"NO! You are both wrong! Shinji thinks that I'm the prettiest!" Misato had quickly gotten on top of Asuka and gained the upper hand. She pinned the girl's body down with her legs and held her arms by the wrists.

An all out argument about who Shinji thought was the prettiest had started. The shouting shrieking got to the point where Shinji blocked his ears from the incisive sounds. While they argued Naoko was still stumbling around trying to get the suit from off over her head. It was obvious that she had no idea where she was going and was concentrating more on freeing herself.

"That's it! Piggy is really upset now!" She stopped still for a moment and steadied herself before putting ever ounce of strength and power into this last ditch effort. And it worked. With an almighty roar she tore through the fabric like a comic book superhero breaking free from an invisible barrier. Her over whelming cry drone out the petty argument the others where having.

"OH-OHO-OHO!" Naoko's roar change to the famous call made by Tarzan of the juggle. She was now free from the horrendous suit and proceeded to thump her chest like an alpha male gorilla stamping his authority. As her hands beat wildly she didn't notice how close Eckehard was to her. As a consequence, he suffered a fierce backhand which sent him flying in the dry wall and through to the next room.

"This is why I don't like to you have guys over here! My place always gets trashed!" Kyoko broke from the pack surrounding Shinji to inspect the gaping wall in her home. She showed little or no concern for Eckehard lying still on the other side.

(DING DONG) From the front door, the door bell sounded.

"Oh goodie the pizza is here!" Yui deducted and quickly skipped along to answer the door. Shortly after, she arrive carrying about sixteen family size pizza boxes. "Rei! Shinji! Mummy has dinner!"

"Hey you go Pen-pen." The scent of food had brought the family pet out from wherever he was hiding. He knew better than to stick his beak around when all hell was breaking loose.

"It's your favorite; seafood with extra sardines." Yui handed down one of the boxes to the little bird.

"Wark!" He thanked her and waddled away.

"Mmm… Smells nice…" Misato immediately picked herself up from the ground and went towards the food. Naoko followed after a quick recovery from the Tarzan cry.

"Don't worry Eggy! We'll save you a piece." The damage to her home and an unconscious ex-husband were completed forgotten when Kyoko got the slightest whiff of the delicious aroma.

"Come on baka." Shinji looked up from the ground to see the red head's extended hand offering him a hand up. "We better hurry before the locusts finish everything off and just leave us the scraps."

Asuka was right. Misato was already half way through her second box and giving Naoko a good run for her money. They had gone without the formalities of plates and napkins.

"Isn't this nice? It reminds me of our college days," Yui mused while taking petite lady like bites from her slice of pizza.

"Yeah! It's like a slumber party!" Naoko scoffed with a mouthful of pizza and ring of tomato sauce around her mouth.

"I know! I know! Let's play truth or dare!" Kyoko clapped and happily giggled like a school girl. "Shinji you go first!"

The poor boy hadn't even taken a bite from his slice and found that he was once again the centre of attention.

"Why don't we all eat first?" he suggested lightly but was just received by numerous death stares.

"Brother… It would be advisable to comply with their demands. In this situation I will not be able to adequately protect you if we were to engage in battle." Rei had appeared performed on of her trademark reappearance acts and shown up next to her twin brother.

"Battle! What do you mean by battle?" Rei didn't have to ask his question as pairs of eyes narrowed into glowing slits an ominous aura around the group began to grow him. It wasn't going to a battle but more a massacre.

"Okay. Okay." He blurted out quickly. His acknowledgement in participating in the juvenile gossiping game was quelled menacing and malevolent force building around him.

"Dare…" Shinji sighed in a defeated tone with his head hung low.

"KISS / TOUCH / LICK / FEEL / GRANDCHILDREN!" everyone shouted all at once which came out as an amalgamation jumbled words making no sense. All the girls then turned to each other with the same narrowed eyes that they had before.

"I'M GOING FIRST!" they all chorus in unison which caused the tension in the group to rise up another notch.

"Okay… how about truth." Shinji set out to try and squash the growing animosity.

"KISS / TOUCH / LICK / FEEL / GRANDCHILDREN!" everyone shouted together for a second time. Shinji could literally start to feel the foundations of the house shake from the massive of negative energy building. Rei remained beside Shinji's side. She carefully placed her thumb through the safety pin of the smoke grenade down her back. Retreat with her brother was the most feasible option.

"Actually, I was wondering… Oh! Never mind!" Shinji spoke up again and then quickly cut him self off and started eating. The way had done it aroused suspicions in the group. His odd behavior took precedent over truth or dare for the moment.

"You were going to say something. What was it?" Kyoko asked while casting a dubious eye over the boy.

"It's nothing. So can we just…" Shinji was half way through suggesting that they continue eating when he was cut off by someone.

"TELL US!" Kyoko fist came up and landed on one of the many pizza boxes in front of them completely decimating it.

"WHY DID ASUKA'S FATHER LEAVE AND WHY IS HE BACK!" He shouted quickly before diving for cover behind Rei like a coward.

"PFFT. Is that all?" Asuka huffed before resuming eating her pizza. "I know you are pretty wimpy but did you have hide behind Wondergirl?"

"The coast is clear brother." Rei reassured Shinji and patted him on the head.

"Oh! Let me tell the story!" Yui didn't wait for an answer to start setting up a miniature scene with the pizza boxes. She had placed two boxes on their side and another flat across the top the form a flimsy little box shelter.

"This can be Kyoko." She stuck her had through the pizza box shelter. Within it was the largest slice of pepperoni pizza.

"And this can be Eggy." Her other hand popped out with a stick of garlic bread.

"Oh! Goodie! It's story time!" Misato cheered and plunked herself down in front with the best view.

"Why am I a fat piece of pizza!" Kyoko visibly upset with what Yui was using to portray her in the story time play.

"I thought that was obvious. Eggy is German. Therefore stinky and therefore garlic bread. I didn't want say anything but you seem to be putting on a little weight. Therefore you are a chunky piece of pizza." Yui waved the two pieces of food like they were puppets.

"I wasn't going to say anything either but now that you mention it…" Naoko couldn't finish because she was too busy stuffing her face. She failed the hypocrisy in her words.

"Well… At least I'm not sagging like a dairy cow fresh from a milking session!" Kyoko had remembered Misato's joke earlier in the day just before the disastrous Valentine's breakfast and Ikari house hold detonation. Naoko responded by spitting out the half masticated pizza and threw down.

"Just bring it on, bitch!" the Akagi woman was ready to rumble.

"HEY!" Yui screamed on the top of her lungs which stopped another cat fight from breaking out. "I'M TELLING A STORY SO EVERYONE HAS TO LISTEN!"

The two combatants relented and resigned themselves on either end of the row in front of Yui's make shift puppet play. Occasionally there was an exchange of pizza slices being volleyed from other end but it didn't escalate any further than that.

"Okay Rei! Hit the lights." Yui's queue was for her daughter to dim the lights.

"This looks good. Have you seen this before?" Naoko asked Misato, completely forgetting what they were doing.

"Shhh! I'm trying to watch!" The purple haired woman hushed her.

"Many years ago, in a land far away, there was an ugly sister who had two beautiful, smart, funny, loving, beautiful, rich, outgoing, beautiful …" Yui started telling her story. She also emphasized the fact that a particular person was ugly and the two sisters who were nothing less than dazzling.

"UGLY!" Kyoko was up on her feet about to tear the narrator of the story a new one.

"Oh… I wouldn't want to be that ugly sister." Naoko commented while captivated by the performance.

"Oh I'm sorry Kyoko. You're right. We're not exactly sisters but the story sounds better this way. Don't worry I'm going somewhere with this." Yui's head appeared from behind the pizza box stage and then quickly ducked back under to continue.

"On the day of the grand ball, the two sisters - did I mention that they were beautiful? -were busily getting ready for the big occasion." Yui then changed from narrator to one of the characters.

(But big sis, why can't I come? BURP!) Yui waved around the pepperoni slice and spoke in the deepest, most masculine voice she could muster.

"How that hell do I sound like that!" Kyoko complained over the top of everyone.

"Will you shut up! Can't you see we're trying to watch!" Misato snapped at her and threaten to throw a half eaten crust at Kyoko.

"Wow Kyoko… They did a really good job on the sex change when you were young. You can hardly tell…" Naoko looked at Misato and then the both of then burst out in a fit of laughter. Yui couldn't help but laugh with the other two. This only infuriated the host even more.

"Okay… I'm sorry… Where was I?" Yui slowly recovered and began were she left off from the play. She put on her narrator's voice and continued.

"Suddenly there was a knock on the door." Yui moved her hand with the pepperoni slice Kyoko to the side of the pizza box stage where an imaginary door was.

(Oh… I'm terribly sorry to disturb you sir but…) As the pepperoni puppet open and the garlic bread Eckehard come forward. Yui voice was that of the visitor at the door.

"I wasn't a born a man!" Kyoko was now shrieking at Yui's hands with the pieces of food as the puppets. Why she was screaming at a piece of pizza and some garlic bread was unknown. But Yui continued on with the performance like the saying goes – the show must go on…

(…I was wondering young man) Yui spoke with a thick German accent and wiggled around the stick of garlic bread. (Could you show me the way to grand ball? I've seem to have lost my invitation)

(You man, me woman. We make boom-boom!) Yui switched back to the manly Kyoko voice. She used the pizza slice to grab the garlic and proceed the smash them together like a child would role play two dolls making hot monkey love.

(Oh God! Please! No!) Eckehard would say.

(YOU. ME. BOOM-BOOM!) Kyoko would say. The puppet master continued with the portrayal of Kyoko's seduction of her former husband all the while continually banging the two pieces of food together.

"Ha! The only way Kyoko could get laid is by forcing herself onto the first man she saw." Misato laughed but no else laughed with her as they just looked at her. It was doing exact the same thing with Shinji but it was pointless trying to get her to see the irony.

"Okay… So now that Asuka's father is back maybe the both of you can work something out?" Shinji tried to restore some order to the conversation.

"Great idea Shinji! Let's get married and then Eggy has to leave!" For some reason Kyoko thought getting married to a minor would fix everything. Misato heard this and instantly latched onto Shinji protectively.

"Come on Misa!" Kyoko tried to negotiate something. "It'll just be for a little while… Wait a minute… Why the hell do I need permission from you!"

"Mother, you have not explained the reason for their separation." Rei had remained quiet throughout everything and only now spoken up.

"As I remember it, Eggy returned to Germany of his on accord. I think he was in trouble with the law or something… Oh now I remember now! He took out a restraining order against Kyoko."

"Why would he file for such a legal document against his wife? This is not normal behavior for married couples." Yui's explanation made no sense and Rei sought further clarification.

"Well after their encounter on the night of the grand ball. We soon found out the Kyoko had baby Asuka in her tummy and that Eggy was from German nobility. It's Zeppelin family law that you must marry the first woman that has your heir. Unfortunately for Eggy, Kyoko suffered severe emotional mood swings during the pregnancy."

"Such as?" Rei did have to look too far to understand what her mother meant by severe emotional mood swings.

"Hold still Shinji! It'll be all over in a second!" Misato and Kyoko had Shinji pinned to the ground on his back with an axe hovering above his head.

"Are sure this is okay? I mean will my Shin-chan's equipment still work?" Misato asked her axe wielding friend while pointing towards a certain part of Shinji's anatomy

"For the last time yes! We spit him down the middle. You get half and I get half. I get married and you can do what you want with your half. It's a win-win situation." Kyoko was beyond reasoning now. After taking more than her fair share of abuse and jokes this evening she was borderline criminally insane.

"I see…" It was all clear now to Rei as she pulled the safety on the smoke grenade and purposely tossed it just as Kyoko's axe swing was coming down. After a moderate bang and flash, smoke quickly began filling the living room. Rei used the cover of the confusion to grab Shinji.

"Wow! The special effects for the play are really good!" Naoko mistook the smoke as part of the puppet show Yui was putting on for everyone.

A disorientated Shinji didn't know where he was or what was happening until he realized that he was now upstairs and facing Asuka's bedroom. The door was closed but he could just hear the faint sound of someone crying from the other side.

"You should comfort Sohryu." Shinji recognized the whispered voice as his sister. He quickly turned around to see but found himself in an empty hall way.

"How does she do that?" he scratched his head as he pondered his sister uncanny abilities. But thought slowly faded away as he looked back at Asuka's closed door.

"Hey Asuka." He called out while gently knocking on the door. There was no reply but the crying from the other side stopped. He went to knock on her door again when it sudden swung open.

"GET LOST!" Asuka screamed and was about to swing a baseball bat at Shinji's head. The poor boy almost wet his pants and fell back onto the floor. Asuka stopped when she realized it was Shinji cowering on the floor.

"Get in here baka." She dragged him into her room and then slammed the door shut behind them.

"Please don't hurt me." Shinji was still on the floor begging her not to hurt him.

"Stop that baka. It's really annoying." Asuka threw her bat into the in the corner, strolled pass Shinji and flopped face first onto her bed. This was awkward for Shinji. It wasn't in his nature to initiate things but circumstances dictated that he had to be the first.

"Are still you hungry? There still some pizza left down stairs." he started nervously.

"No," Asuka muttered into her pillow.

'Good one, Shinji…' he thought to himself. 'What now?'

While Shinji was thought about what to say next, he didn't realize that it caused an extended silence between them. This bugged Asuka so she turned her head to see what the boy was doing.

"If you have something to say then just say it!" She almost told him off and rolled onto her back to face a patched up ceiling where the mother's crashed through a couple of weeks ago.

"Well… I was wondering…" he was cut off by the girl.

"If it's about papa or that psycho mother of mine, I don't want to talk about it right now." She made it clear that her family issues were off limits.

"Yeah… Your mum can get a little carried away sometimes." His remark got a "well, duh" look from Asuka. "You know she thinks that if she gets married again then it'll fix everything. Pretty funny, huh?"

"That's it!" Asuka quickly sat up. Shinji took it as a sign that she was starting to let her defenses down about the subject. He began explaining what had happen downstairs while Asuka frantically ran around the room. She went to her closet and grabbed a backpack, tossed some clothes in it and then ran over to her desk. Shinji wasn't paying any real attention to her as she rummaged through her draws for something.

"Hey! How much money do you have on you?" Asuka abruptly asked him during his recount of Yui's puppet time play.

"Huh? What?" Shinji was confused by Asuka's question. In turn, Asuka got frustrated and just grabbed him by the wrist. She pulled him up and towards her window.

"What's going on?" he asked completely confused by her actions. Asuka just rolled her eyes at him as she push the glass panels of the window open.

"What does it look like? We're going to get married."

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
I received a number of mixed reviews from the last chapter. So I added a little more to the author's notes at the start explaining how most of the characters here will be extremely OC.

The name Eckehard Wolfgang Briefadel Zeppelin was something I just made up. Advice from hawk's forum and Google searches on German nobility were used to make up Eggy's name.

Some may be disappointed that I didn't elaborate on Asuka's father some more this chapter but that will come next when she and Shinji are on the run from everyone.

Thanks for reading, Wonga316


	16. Chapter 16

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 16

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

CHAT  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
Yahoo – wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
AIM – wonga316

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa

DATE POSTED  
20060703

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

SOHRYU RESIDENCE

"Married!" Asuka quickly slapped her hands over Shinji's mouth.

"Quiet! If the Banshee Club downstairs hear us they'll stop us for sure." Asuka knew that Misato and her mother would literally donate her body for human medically testing if they found out. She wasn't quite sure about Shinji's mother and the Akagi woman. But the both of them had known to be as unpredictable as monkeys on a sugar rush. She had a pretty good idea of the pain her father would put Shinji through.

"Now, hurry up." She motion for him to climb out of her bedroom window.

"Why don't we think about this for a moment?" Shinji tried to reason. He didn't want Asuka to leave but getting married wasn't the answer. "I'm sure that your father is a reasonable man…"

"GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!" Asuka cut him off screaming.

"Yes ma'am!" Shinji trundled over and stuck his head out of the second story window.

"But Asuka… That big oak tree is gone." Shinji provided another excuse. When the kids were young there was a mighty Japanese oak tree between the Ikari and Sohryu residence. The oak's branches reached all the way to her bedroom window and allow her to sneak out when ever she felt like. The acorns that fell to the ground were used by Asuka to throw against Shinji's window to alert him that she was waiting.

One morning, Kyoko was sunbathing herself in the yard and had fallen asleep when a stray acorn dropped from the tree and woke the sleeping beast from its slumber. Next came the loud obscenities then followed by the sound of a chain saw revving heavily. Both house holds had enough firewood for the next three winters.

"I jump that height most mornings. Stop being a sissy!" Asuka was starting to get impatient with the boy.

"We are two stories up! Are you… WOAH!" Before he could finish Asuka's patience had run out and she shoved him out the window. She didn't even look to see if he was okay or out of the way before diving out herself. The red head didn't count on the strap of her back pack get caught on the way out and this put her off balance. She practically performed a front flip and landed heavily on her backside.

"Where the hell is that baka?" She asked unaware that she had landed directly on top of Shinji just about crushing his rib cage. When Asuka noticed him underneath she immediately leapt off him.

"Please… call… a… ambulance…" Shinji moaned writhing in agony.

"We'll have time for the hospital after we're married." She grabbed him by the ankle and proceeded to drag away. As Asuka passed a window, she peered in to see what was happening in the living room.

"HEY! That was mine!" Misato exclaimed as Naoko quickly snatched a slice of pizza from her.

"Too slow Misa-chan," the older woman sang before licking the underside of the pizza slice marking it hers to eat.

"Two can play this game!" Misato was to be out done and began licking every slice she could get her hands on. This started a contest to see who could lick the most slices of pizza. Both women were going at a frantic pace and it was obvious now that they didn't have any intention of eating the pieces that they claimed.

"You better tap out!" while Naoko and Misato were a heated competition Kyoko had Yui in a tight headlock trying to choke the life out of her friend and neighbour. After the smoke cleared from Rei's grenade, Shinji was missing so the Kyoko set her sights on Yui. It was pay back time for all the cheap insults at her expense.

"I think I'll retire for the night. I have swim team practice tomorrow morning," Rei said as she approached the wrestling mothers. "May I use your bathroom, Sohryu-san?"

"Of course dear you make yourself at home," Kyoko sang aloud while still trying to break Yui's neck.

"You have a good night sleep Rei… Mummy and her friends will try to keep the noise down for you," Yui said to her girl as she was giving her best efforts to be free from the death lock. The trapped mother was now resorting to using short, sharp kidney punches on Kyoko.

"Good night everyone," the young girl said before she bowed to the adults. Misato and Naoko now with pizza sauce beards were too busy to say anything. Before leaving Rei looked directly at the window were Asuka was looking in.

"Oh crap! I'm busted!" the red head cursed. Asuka knew that Rei was bound to know that she was up to something and come to rescue Shinji from anything dangerous. But this wasn't the case. To Asuka's surprise, Shinji's twin sister just smiled at her and then turned away. Asuka didn't have time to think about what just happen between her and Rei because just as she was leaving the room someone was coming in.

"Double crap! Papa!" Asuka didn't stick around to see what her father was doing. She bent down and began slapping Shinji trying to get some sense into him.

Eckehard had a pounding headache. He touched the back of his head where it was tender and it stung. He had taken blows in the line of duty before and knew he had a concussion. But his welfare was the least of his concern for now.

The German man surveyed the living room and didn't even try to communicate to the Kyoko or her friends. When he didn't see Asuka and more importantly the boy she was holding hands with at the table he immediately thought the worst as any normal father would.

He raced upstairs, leaving the women to battle it out in the living room. When he came to the first door he kicked it open with tremendous force that it nearly ripped off its hinges.

"Wark?" Inside was a Pen-pen rolling around in a pile of Kyoko's lingerie. The looked up at the man who was interrupting his play time. Not sure what make of the scene before Eckehard was stunned. He had seen and experienced many things but a penguin frolicking around in his ex-wife's delicates was not one of them. Pen-pen pushed him himself onto his webbed feet and waddled over to the man with a lacy bikini brief over his head.

"WARK!" the bird squawked at him before slamming the door back in his face.

"Asuka!" deciding it was better to just try and forget about what he had seen he tried another door. But unfortunately for him he picked the bathroom. He had just caught Rei completely topless and with her back turned to him. She was currently bent over removing her school skirt.

Rei blinked once at the man and then again. She calmly reached over for a towel and covered herself up and then turned towards Asuka's father.

"EXCUSE! I'M SO SO…" But before he could finish his apology Rei interrupted him.

"I'm aware that you were searching for your daughter and such lewd behaviour is highly unlikely for a man of your status, but…"

"BUT…" he said trying not to stare Rei's shapely figure.

"But I do this for her sake and my brother. I also believe your military training will limit your injuries." When Rei finished talked she let out an ear piercing scream.

"AHHH! PERVERT!" Rei screamed which instantly alerted the four downstairs. Before the Rei had finished screaming, Eckehard was feeling an ominous presence behind him. The man was brought up and trained not to show fear but in this case he practically lost control of his bowels.

"You… you… you…" Yui was beyond words. She was gripping a wooden spoon in each hand which began to smoke from the heat generated from the mother.

"I knew that you Germans were all sickos!" Naoko said while rolling up her sleeves.

Between the two women was his ex-wife who he feared the most. She didn't say anything and didn't have to. Slowly the three women seem to transform into giant apoplectic monolithic demigods from beyond this realm. All the light from around them disappeared like a black hole absorbing everything it came into contact.

The door closed on its own and Rei had her privacy again. She relaxed her façade.

"It's all up to you now brother…" She said to herself as the sounds of a man running for his life from the three women lynch mob filled the house. She didn't approve of the Sohryu girl and never really got along with her but she knew that Shinji would be upset if she had to leave. And Rei couldn't let this happen.

"HA! ALL DONE!" Misato had remained downstairs and continued licking ever pizza slice she could get her hands on. She literally had tomato sauce spattered all over her face and was completely oblivious to what was happening upstairs. The woman looked around the living and found that she was on her own.

"I'm thirsty…" She complained like a child as the dry pizza bases she was licking was starting to numb her tongue.

DING DONG

"Huh?" The sound of the door bell caught Misato's attention.

"That must be my Shin-chan! He always knows when I want my beer." She sang happily and quickly rushed to answer the door. But when she opened the door she was sadly disappointed. It wasn't her favourite man with her favourite drink.

"Good evening ma'am." A man in a suit said to her. "I'm detective Kawamoto and this is detective Yamada. We are from the Tokyo-3 police, Second Precinct. May we come in?"

Misato carefully studied the two men and their identification badges.

"Are you male strippers we ordered? Because I'm sure that we only asked for one and I don't remember requesting the police man. We wanted to play with the doctor."

The two detectives looked at one another before Kawamoto spoke again.

"Ah… I'm afraid not…" he worded his sentence carefully while trying not to stare at Mistao's pizza source splattered face. "We are looking for a Ms. Yui Ikari. We have a few questions in regards to her husband."

"That lady at the agency must have got our order wrong. No offence but you guys ain't exactly going to win any Mr. Universe contests." Misato had completely ignored what the inspector said. She had spun the other man around inspecting their backsides.

"Ah… ma'am would you please listen…" He tried to explain who they were again but it just went straight by Misato's again.

"I mean my Shin-chan has more meat than you. That reminds me… where is that boy and where is my beer?"

The sound of a wild stampede came roaring down the stairs from behind Misato. Eckehard was really moving but the mother's were closing the gap on their prey. Luckily for him when his pursuers spotted Misato at the front door with some visitors they stopped.

"Oh goodie! The strippers have arrived!" Naoko's demeanour changed from the ballistic hell spawn creature when she saw the two detectives and just like Misato assumed that they were the strippers. She walked up to the pair to get a better look.

"Ewww… That's the last time we let Kyoko order the entertainment," she voiced her disapproval of the two men before her.

"Well… what do you expect from someone from married a man like Eggy?" Yui said as she thought the pair were quite average for male dancers.

"I HEARD THAT!" Kyoko shouted as she continued the man hunt. She didn't stop to see who was at the door like the others. "LIKE YOU CAN TALK! YOU MARRIED BAKA GENDO!"

"Gendo? Did she mean Gendo Ikari?" Kawamoto interrupted the pointless conversation the girls were having. "Would that make you Ms. Yui Ikari?"

"That's me. Oh! You two must be fans from my calendar! This is so embarrassing… I can't believe I have stalkers…" Yui said while blushing and turning away. She had expected fame and popularity from her risqué photo shoot at the hot springs but didn't think it would come so quickly.

Meanwhile, Asuka had managed to slap some sense back into Shinji and he was able to move or at least limp around. She notice the detectives pull up in there car and then approach. At first she thought it was Kaji or someone else from NERV. When she realised it wasn't them and they seemed to have the attention of the mothers, it created an opportunity for Shinji and her to make their escape.

Asuka quickly and quietly lead Shinji away. When they reached the side walk, she broke out in a flat out run and didn't stop until they were a few blocks away. They had come to a bus stop and a Shinji exhausted slumped onto the waiting bench.

"We don't have time to sit around!" Asuka almost yelled at him.

"Just wait a minute…" Shinji huffed and puffed while clutching his side from the stitch he was starting to get.

"Stupid baka get on your feet!" Asuka was definitely yelling now.

"I SAID WAIT!" Shinji snapped back at her which she didn't expect. Asuka was quite taken back and for a moment didn't know what to do. Then her emotions kicked in.

"FINE! Stay here! I don't need you anyway!" She shouted at him but still time with a tinge of hurt in her voice and eyes. She turned to run away when Shinji latched onto her wrist.

"Just calm down! If we talk about it then…"

"Talk! Didn't you hear what papa said! I'm going back to Germany! I'm leaving and all you want to do is talk!" She began lashing out at Shinji again and wrenched her hand from his grasp.

"And you think getting married is going to stop you from leaving?" Shinji asked calmly.

"Like you have a better idea. You don't understand how my father is."

"He can't be that unreasonable. I'm sure that if we all sat down and talked about things we can sort something out." The non-conflict, 'Give Peace a Chance' Shinji was coming out now.

"You are probably too young to remember what he was like," Asuka said and dropped herself on the bench next to Shinji. She did have a point. Shinji vaguely remembered the man from their early childhood. The only really visible memory he had of him was the time when Asuka came through his bedroom window crying about her papa going far away. He had to hold her that night until she cried herself to sleep.

"I'm sure he's changed. We don't know unless we try." He tried to reason with her. But all he got was a blank look from the red head. There was silence between the two for a while after that. Then Asuka stood up from the bench.

"Come on let's go back…" She said quietly and without lack lustre. "It was a stupid idea to begin with."

Asuka began walking back home not waiting for Shinji. He stayed on the bench and watched her. She moved differently. It was like she had given up on everything. And the way she spoke wasn't her usually energetic fiery self. Shinji's heart started to ache for her but what could he do. He didn't want to see her like this but getting married wasn't the answer. Shinji was starting to think that Asuka may be right about her father and then that would mean she'll be leaving Japan.

There was a sudden gust of wind and stray piece of paper flew straight into Shinji's face. He pulled the sheet off and looked at it. Then it struck him. He knew what he had to do.

"Asuka!" he called out and chased after her.

"Come on! We better hurry!" Shinji grabbed her hand and began leading her away in the opposite direction to home before she could get a word in.

After they left the scene, two bodies stepped out from some nearby bushes. They had been watching Shinji and Asuka in secret. When things looked like they weren't going anywhere, they were the ones to intervene with the mysterious sheet of paper.

"Thank you for your assistance," Rei said sincerely as she offered a bow. The sister had performed one of her magical appearances from the bushes.

"Wark." Pen-pen waving her thanks away. It wasn't needed. He had finished rummaging through Kyoko's delicates and when the police showed up they knew it was a good time to get out of the house. Rei picked up the bird and held him in her arms.

"Do you think they'll succeed?" She asked her feathered friend.

"Wark. Wark." The way he squawked seem positive which caused Rei to smile.

SOHRYU RESIDENCE

"Missing?" the group of women chorus when one of the inspectors finally managed to explain that the reason they were here was to investigate the strange circumstances of the disappearance of Gendo Ikari.

"Oh dear God! What am I going to do? How am I going to support my children!" Yui cried out loud in a distressed manner much like a beloved mother is suppose to act.

"There. There. Yui… You still have us." Naoko wrapped a supportive arm around the crying mother in an attempt to console her.

"That no-good bastard! What sort of man abandons his family in this day and age!" Kyoko was angry and didn't try to hide the fact.

"Well… you see Ms. Ikari…" detective Kawamoto interrupted them. "We have evidence that leads us to believe that foul play may be involved."

When he finished, the mother stopped their little acting performance and looked at each other.

"Excuse us for one minute." Yui said to both detectives showing no signs of her anguish moments before. Then the three of them formed a little huddle on the other side of the room.

"Alright… They didn't buy that… Let's get our story straight…" Yui whispered to her two other cohorts.

"Look… Just bite the bullet. The judge isn't going to give you life. You'll be out in fifteen years tops. In the mean time, I'll be more than happy enough to take care of Shinji." Kyoko suggested with still the idea of marrying Shinji fresh in her head as a ploy to rid her of Eckehard.

"Hey! You're an accessory! So if I go down then I'm taking you with me!" Yui fired back, upset that her friend's suggestion was exploiting the situation to benefit her.

"I can't go to jail! Don't wanna use my body to trade cigarettes and cheap booze! Do you know what they do to little piggies in the slammer!" Naoko whined. The prospect of prison time had her on the cusp of wetting her pants.

"No one is going to jail!" Yui reassured her. "Now this is what happen…"

The two detectives looked at each other baffled at what the mother's were doing. Meanwhile, Misato was on the telephone with the escort agency. She still believed that someone had ordered strippers. When the detectives arrived, she was upset with their 'quality' and she wasn't the type to keep quiet about things. They had her on hold and she was occupying herself by flicking through the channels on the television. When something suddenly caught her eye and caused her to drop the receiver.

DOWN TOWN TOKYO-3

"Wait up!" Asuka said while Shinji dragged her along but her plea fell on deaf ears. She got fed up and pulled her hand back.

"I said stop! What do you think you're doing!" Asuka said annoyed and upset with what he was doing. She was upset that he didn't say anything when she mentioned that she was leaving Japan and now he was dragging across town. He showed her the sheet of paper that blew into his face when they were at the bus stop.

"What the hell is this!" She snarled and ripped the sheet from his grasp.

"Midnight Bridal Sale…" She began reading. It was an advertising leaflet. A newly opened bridal store had just relocated and opened in Tokyo Three. As a new promotion it was holding a half price sale on its display stock as well as holding a wedding gown fashion parade.

"I thought… you know… if you really wanted to get married… that may be…" Shinji search for the right words to say to her. Pulling her along to the sale by her arm was one thing but conveying it into words was another. He didn't know what possessed him to take her along to the bridal sale. After all he was totally against the idea of marriage just so she could avoid talking to her father about returning to Germany, but when leaflet slapped him in the face, something within him told him it was the right thing to do.

"Shinji…" Asuka said sweetly without any of the anger or frustration like before.

"Yeah?" He asked her as Shinji more than happy to allow her to take over the conversation. Asuka closed the distance between them and took both his hands in hers. Shinji gulped nervously as the girl was close enough for him to catch a whiff of her faint perfume.

"Shinji…" She looked up with her beautiful blues eyes which shimmered under the street lights. The way they looked under the night's lights caused Shinji to stare and he ignored everything else that was around him. Right now it was just Asuka and him.

"WE'RE USING YOUR CREDIT CARD! NOW HURRAY UP!" The moment was ruined when she almost broke Shinji wrists as she sprinted towards the bridal sale.

TOKYO-3 - VETERINARY CLINIC

"Are you sure that this is the place." Kaji asked again as he tried to pick the lock to the front door of the largest veterinary hospital in Tokyo-3.

"This is the only one in the area." Fuyutsuki answered in a quiet voice. He was holding the torch and shining it on the lock for Kaji to see what he was doing. After a couple more jiggles and few more twist, the lock unlatched and the door open.

"You know, I didn't think you would be able to do that," Kouzou commented on Kaji's lock picking abilities.

"Neither did I but I saw it in a movie once. Window latches are much easier but this is my first door." He answered while putting away his implements.

"What windows?" Fuyutsuki asked his partner in crime out of curiosity.

"Oh you know, Katsuragi's, Akagi's and …" Kaji quickly shut up when he realised that he had said too much but it was too late.

"If they find out you've been rooting around in their underwear drawers again..." The old man didn't have to finish his warning because they before knew what was in store for anyone caught.

"Whatever… Let's just go." Kaji brushed aside his friend's advice and entered the clinic. Kouzou followed after him. Everything was dark except for their torches which shone the way for them. Occasional barking and cages rattling help build a suspenseful and tense atmosphere.

"Where do you think he is?" Kaji asked as he continued to cautiously lead the way in the shadowy veterinary clinic. They had reached a fork in hallway and he was unsure which way to go.

"Just follow the trail." Fuyutsuki shone is torch along the ground where a trail of blood ran. It showed the pair which way to go and they followed it quietly almost like cat burglars.

They reached a door with a sign. The katakana character for surgery was painted on the sign. Kaji went for the door knob but stopped when he found it was smeared some fresh blood.

"Stop being a sissy." Fuyutsuki was daring him to open it and Kaji too stubborn to step down from a challenge quickly grabbed the knobbed and charged into the surgery yelling.

"ARGH!" As he burst into the room, he tripped over his own feet and face planted into the floor. His brave dramatic had ended. Fuyutsuki shook his head in shame and stepped his partner's body.

"Good God…" He gasped as his torch landed on the extremely badly beaten and bloody body of Gendo Ikari. The CEO of NERV Heavy Industries was covered from head to toe in welts and cuts. His clothes were all in tatters and what was left was completely soaked in his own blood. It was clear now that he had some how escape from his chained bonds while being dragged behind in the corporate limousine and managed to claw his way into the veterinary clinic for some urgent medical treatment.

"What took you so long! Come over here and help me put my shoulder back in place!" Gendo snapped at his former university lecturer.

"Are you okay?" Fuyutsuki asked completed stunned that the man before him was alive after the beating he witness earlier this afternoon.

"Do I look okay? Now hurry!" Fuyutsuki's stupid question somehow managed to further irritate the wounded Ikari even more. The old man dropped the bag he was carrying and hurried over to Gendo. Fuyutsuki gripped his dislocated arm and waited for Gendo to give to okay to put it back in place.

"Damn… That was embarrassing…" Kaji muttered to himself as he peeled his face off the slick surgery room floor. His stirring caught the attention of the two older men.

"Don't just lie there! Bring the bag over!" Gendo shouted at him as the pain after putting his shoulder in place slowly subsided. Kaji picked himself up and brushed the dirty from him. He kicked the bad along the ground and it slid to Gendo's feet.

"Did you bring it?" The CEO asked and Fuyutsuki nodded. Inside was a change of clothes and a new pair of glasses.

"I'm no doctor but I think you should go see one," Kaji commented as he watched Fuyutsuki help Gendo change into his new set of clothes.

"No… we're going to the registry office," Gendo stated flatly.

"I think you mean hospital." Kaji replied then looked at Fuyutsuki and whispered. "Too many blows to the head. He must have a concussion."

"I can still hear you," Gendo said slightly annoyed at the comment.

"You see… he's hearing voices…" Kaji whispered again rotating his finger next to his ear signalling that Gendo was crazy.

"Enough!" Ikari's voice boomed which caused some of the caged pets to stir. "We are going to registry to destroy my marriage certificate."

TOKYO-3– BRIDAL STORE

"Hurry up Hikari!" Kodama stressed to her younger sister while pulling her along the street. The older Horaki sister had read the same leaflet that Shinji happen to come across and her flavour of the month was weddings. Lately, a number of high profile celebrity weddings seemed to be the only stories in the gossip magazines.

"Kodama! Please wait!" Hikari was more reserved than her older sister and wasn't as excited about the sale. She didn't particular want to go to the Bridal sale but Kodama had only heard of it in the afternoon and it was too late to call any of her friends.

"Awww…" Kodama suddenly stopped and almost caused Hikari to collide into the back of her. She stopped because of the massive line of people waiting for midnight sale and expo to commence. The line consisted of mostly women which was no surprise.

"I knew we should have left earlier…" The older sister whined as they took their spot at the back of the queue. Hikari didn't particular mind, she was just happy that they had stopped running.

"GET OUTTA THE WAY!" someone's shrieking could be heard from all the way down the street. Hikari vaguely recognised the voice and looked up to see who it was.

Asuka was barrelling down the middle of the street, ducking and weaving between cars. She was moving like a red tornado, overtaking and leaving everything disorientated in her wake.

"Asuka!" Hikari called out to her friend which caused her stop in the middle of the street and consequently cause a multi car pile up behind her. When the red fury ceased, Hikari noticed that Asuka wasn't alone.

"Hikari! What are you doing here!" Asuka asked quickly and then noticed the queue of people. "Wait! Is this the line for the bridal thing?"

"Yeah. What are you doing here?" The young brunette asked just as surprised that her best friend would turn up to such events. She had noticed a very disorientated and mumbling Shinji Ikari next to Asuka. "Is that Ikari? Why are you two holding hands?"

"Hey! No queue jumping! Get back in line!" an irritated voice came from the line. Someone had thought Asuka and Shinji were going to pushing in front of then.

"Shut up! Who would wanna get married a bush pig like you!" Asuka fired back not knowing who had told her to get to the end of the line. She then looked Hikari and her sister.

"You two are going to be my bride's maids! Now come on!" Asuka declared as she yanked both sisters from the queue.

SOHRYU RESIDENCE

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Kyoko voiced her opinion about the proposed plan Yui put forward. She thought it was so outrageous that it made her forget that they were still in her little huddle.

"I don't hear any better ideas coming from you!" Yui rebutted a little annoyed that her idea was meet with harsh criticism.

"For one thing his organs are practically spread across the city and the crows make it a bit obvious." Naoko pointed out the nearest window which showed the main street. Flocks of the black birds squawked and pecked around the bloody entrails that ran from the back of their limousine.

"May be they are migrating…" Yui hoped.

"Crows don't migrate!" Kyoko shouted which upset her friend.

"Oh yeah!" Yui fired back. "Pen-pen! I want you to go out there ask your friends! Prove that I'm right!"

But the mother didn't get a reply from her family pet. She began to look around for him but instead found Misato glued to the TV. She sat so close that her face was no more than a couple of inches from the screen.

"Misato-chan! How many times have I told you to not sit so close to the TV!" Yui walked over to her adopted niece and grabbed the back of her shirt to pull her back to a safe viewing distance.

"We… We… We… Wedding…" Misato mumbled incoherently as her eyes remained glued onto the box as she was dragged backwards.

"Wedding!" Yui's ears instantly pricked up when she heard the word and soon was just as hypnotized like Misato. The other two joined the pair in front of the TV. They quickly forgot about everything having to do with the police investigating Gendo's disappearance as they watched the news report.

(I'm standing in front of an amazing scene in the Tokyo-3 shopping district.) A young woman reporter spoke into her microphone. Behind her appeared to be a growing crowd of people. (A new bridal store is holding a promotional opening tonight and it's apparent that it has generated a lot of interest from the public. With me now is the store owner and franchise manager, Yoko Tanaka and Emi Inoue. Can you please tell us what you have planned for tonight's opening?)

The camera panned over to the pair of women where the store spoke first. (Of course. To celebrate our first Tokyo-3 branch opening tonight we are having a midnight sale where excess stock has been severely discounted. There will also be bridal fashion show to display the latest designs from the West and traditional Japanese gowns.)

(How interesting. Could you tell us more about the sale?) the reporter moved the microphone over to the franchise manager.

(All our stock is of the highest quality and this is not a factory outlet. For tonight only you'll be able to purchase items for less than it would be to hire.)

(Wonderful! Thank you for your time and by the looks of things tonight will very successful) the reporter then turned to the crowds of people for some additional interviews and as luck would have it the new crews picked Asuka and Shinji from hordes of other people.

(I see that you are a keen one) The reporter asked Asuka and noticed a dazed and confused Shinji attached to her hand. (Did you drag your partner with you?)

(What! Is this live?) Asuka was taken back for a moment as a microphone and camera were shoved in her face. The reporter nodded.

(In that case… Yes! I'm getting married and there's nothing that you can do Papa! So you can take you plans and shove it!) Asuka pointed at the camera then turned around and slapped her behind with in intent to antagonize (Too bad Misato! He's mine now! You were never a match for me so you can kiss my ass!)

The camera tried to get away from the young red because her display wasn't exactly friendly family viewing but Asuka quickly grabbed the lens of the camera. She wasn't done letting everyone know what she thought.

"Now Misato…" Naoko said while slowly backing away from the young woman who was begin to smoke from the rage building up inside of her.

"Asuka's getting married… Asuka's marrying Shinji… My Shinji… They'll be married… Then that means… … … GRANDCHILDREN!" Yui leapt to her feet and screamed on the top of her lungs. Tears of joy and happiness began to run down her cheeks.

"AHHH! I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER! AHHH! WE'RE GOING TO BE SISTERS! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!" The overly excited mother had grabbed Kyoko and started shaking her. Kyoko felt her eyes rattling in the back of her skull from being shaken so much.

"Do think we should call for back up?" Kawamoto asked his partner. Almost ten years on the police force and he had never witnessed behaviour like this. Protocol said that in a possible hostile situation back up was to be called. He didn't wait for his partner to answer and reached for his cell phone.

"THAT WHORE!" Misato was beyond rage and her screams were more than enough to drone out Yui's cries. It caused Kawamoto to drop his cell phone while reaching for it. She sprinted to the TV, picked it up over her head and slammed it into the ground. It caused a loud spark and bang as the glass and interior electrical components smashed into pieces but she wasn't done there. Misato proceeded to stomp and stamp what remained of the television.

"I'M GOING TO KILL HER!" everyone watched in amazement and fear at Misato's display of power and raging hysterics.

"She's taking it pretty well," Naoko said while dodging the occasional fragment flying in her direction.

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" Yui was too excited to care what her niece was doing. "WE HAVE TO HURRY! MY BABY IS GETTING MARRIED!"

The extremely delighted mother didn't wait for anyone and ran straight out the door, carrying Kyoko under her arm like a surfboard.

"Ikari-san! Wait!" Inspector Yamada called out but it was too late. All he got was gust of wind caused when she rushed past.

"You are police officers?" The two officers turned around to find Eckehard standing over them. The estrange husband had remained silent and in hiding when the police arrived. After he heard his daughter on the TV and seen how the others were acting to the news, it was the opening he needed to come out.

"My daughter has been kidnapped and is in immediate danger. You will assist me in bringing her back to safety and in return I shall get the information you require regarding Gendo Ikari's disappearance." Eckehard's plan was cut and dried. There was no room for negotiations and with the way things were the two detectives didn't have many other options. Reluctantly, they agreed and followed in out to their car.

"STUPID DOOR! OPEN! I HAVE A WEDDING TO GO TO!" Yui was shouting at the limousine. She had jumped the gun and quickly discovered that she didn't have a key for the vehicle. Right now she was trying to use one of her favourite wooden spoons to jimmy the door open.

TOKYO-3 – BRIDAL STORE

"Are you sure about this Asuka?" Shinji asked while struggling to balance someone who was standing on his shoulders. Our young couple and two sisters had discovered a small alley behind the bridal store. It was probably used for deliveries. The back door was locked and the garage shutter closed tightly. But Asuka had spotted an open window on high up.

"Just shut up and stand still." Asuka barked back at Shinji who was on the bottom of the human totem-pole. On top of Shinji was Kodama and on top of her was Hikari. Asuka was top and they still struggled to reach the open window.

Shinji decided that may be if he shuffled forward a bit, it might be easier for Asuka to reach the opening. He looked up and suddenly realized that the older Horaki sister was wearing a skirt.

"Are you looking up my skirt?" Kodama asked casually. It didn't really bother her. She had known Shinji for a long time and he had never acted perverted or otherwise unsavoury manner in front of her.

"BAKA! YOU PERVERT!" Asuka couldn't help but hear what was going on below her. In her anger, she lost her balance and was about to fall off. If she was going to fall she might as well try and reach the window so she leapt off Hikari's shoulders. She managed to grasp onto something. The others tumbled to the ground like a deck of cards.

Asuka then pulled herself up and into the window. The half German and Japanese teen had her upper torso inside with her leg dangling out. It was now that she realized she had a problem getting down to open the door for Shinji and the Horaki sisters.

"WOAH!" Her exclamation was followed by her legs disappearing into the window and couple of loud crashes as her body undoubtedly bounced off things.

"Ouch… That hurt." Kodama rubbed her elbow as it took much of the impact when they fell.

"Hikari are you okay?" she asked her sister who was lying in a dazed state seeing stars.

"You're fine. Where's Shinji?" Beneath her were the sounds of some muffled cries. She looked between legs and found that she had landed on Shinji's face.

"I'm so sorry Shinji! Are okay!" She asked with a hint of concern in her voice and jump off the poor boy. The sound of a roller shutter opening caught their attention. When it was fully open it revealed Asuka in a tattered and dirty school uniform.

"Come here baka!" Asuka didn't check if the sisters were hurt. She grabbed Shinji by the arm and proceeded to drag him inside.

Kodama was afraid that they were going to be left behind. She quickly slapped some sense into her younger sister and then helped her to walk.

The quartet quickly went pass various shipping crates and a number of mannequins. Asuka led the way and it seemed that they had ended up into the storage area for the bridal store.

"Are all these for the bridal store?" She asked no one in particular.

"I doubt it. It looks like the warehouse for all the stores in the shopping complex." Kodama deducted. She knew the bridal store was situated in a complex with other fashion stores.

"This is unbelievable!" A women's voice said which caused the high school kids to duck for cover. They recognized the voice to that belonging to the store manager from the news report earlier on. "They have been delayed in Nagoya!"

"Afraid so… A car accident at one of the rail crossings has our bridal models stuck on their train." Emi the franchise owner that received a phone call from one of her models telling her the situation.

"We can delay the show," Tanaka suggested.

"I'll like to avoid that. This is our grand opening and everyone is expecting a show. What are the people going to think if we don't deliver what we advertised?" Emi knew that due to a successful promotional campaign, she had put her expectations for her new store very high. If they failed to meet those expectations their latest venture into Tokyo-3 could be unsuccessful.

As the two women debated on what to do, Shinji had caught a whiff of the dust accumulated in the storage area and a tremendous sneeze was building up in his nasal passageways. Asuka saw this and quickly clamped her thumb and forefinger over his nostrils but it was too late.

"AAACHOOO!" Shinji's sneezed echoed throughout the storage area giving away their presence.

"Who are you and what are you doing here!" The heads of the franchise owner and store manager popped over the top of the shipping crate that the school kids where hiding behind.

"Oh God… It's so dusty…" Shinji complained while wiping his nose totally unaware that they had been discovered.

"BAKA!" Asuka reared an open hand up and was about to slap her husband-to-be silly but stopped when the franchise owner spoke.

"Wait… Tell me… What size are all of you?"

TOKYO-3 – CITY STREETS

"GET OUTTA THE WAY! WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DRIVE!" Misato had stuck her whole body out the passenger window of the detective's car. She, Yui and Naoko were riding in the back seat of the officer's car to take them to the bridal sale where Asuka and Shinji. For some reason traffic into the shopping district was unusually busy for this time of night.

"Mr. Policeman, can I borrow your gun. I'm starting to get a headache from the yelling." Naoko asked one of the police officers while rubbing her temples.

"HEY! I SAW THAT! YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ON MISA-CHAN! THEN JUST BRING IT YOU LITTLE BITCH!" It wasn't going to take Misato long to incite a full blown riot.

"Ahhh… I'm afraid I cannot do that." Yamada replied from the front seat. Then a hand came from the back slipped into the front of his shirt.

"Awww… I can make it worth your while…" Naoko cooed as she played her fingers over his chest.

"Ikari-san!" Inspector Kawamoto said with a half stern voice. "Please control your friends. We said that we would help locate your missing son."

"I wonder how Kyoko and Eggy are doing," Yui looked out the back window to see their car right behind them and smiled when she saw that they were still not speaking to one another.

"That Misato… she has really has no tact…" Kyoko said while tapping her fingers on the steering wheel and watching the other woman make a total fool of herself.

"She is still a little ball of energy," Eckehard noted as he sat in the passenger seat of her ex-wife's car.

"Shut up. No one was asking you." Kyoko told him and the car went into silence again.

Eckehard looked out the window and his mind began to wonder back to what Yui had said back at the house.

FLASHBACK – SOHRYU RESIDENCE

"Don't just stand there! Give me a hand! You two are police officers?" Naoko and Kyoko were desperately trying to restrain Misato. After she had seen Asuka's TV interview, the woman was a little more than just pissed off. While the other's tried to contain her from wreaking absolute end of the world destruction on Tokyo-3, Yui had snuck behind Eckehard.

"Why don't you just ask her?" She asked catching him by surprise but he hid it well.

"I should not have to ask such a thing. I'm Asuka's father and as such do not require it." He stated flatly.

"Not Asuka… You came here to ask them both to go back to Germany with you." Yui replied as a matter-of-factly.

"I'm afraid that you have no idea what you are talking about." He remained back facing her so he didn't have to look her in the eye

"Oh and I guess that third return ticket to Germany in your jacket pocket was just a mistake on your part."

"What do you want?" Eckehard was getting annoyed by the conversation. It wasn't that she was sticking her nose into his business but that fact that Yui was hundred percent right.

"Fine… But don't say that I didn't help give you a chance Eggy." She said and slapped him on the butt which caused him to jump.

"By the way… You're getting a little flabby there…" Before he could respond she had already turned her attention to the melee on the front lawn.

"Alright… come on girls! Misato and Naoko will ride with me and the two strippers to find my baby and Asuka. Kyoko, you and Eggy will have to go in your car," She told the group.

"We are not strippers!" Yamada said while struggling with Misato's legs.

"Oh my mistake… exotic performers." She corrected herself smiling.

"Damn it Naoko! Did you find that taser!" Kyoko had order her friend to go to the police car and find the electric taser used for hostile situations and crowd control.

"Oh I found it… Pay back's a bitch!" When Naoko had found the weapon it brought back memories of her obedience collar. She now had the opportunity to get revenge and wasn't going to miss out.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Kyoko screamed as she felt the non lethal jolt on ten thousand volt start from her ass and spread to the rest of her body.

END FLASHBLACK

"I didn't just come here for Asuka." Eckehard said to her.

"I said shut up! Don't you think I know what Yui was trying to do putting us together in the car! And I'm not interested so just be quiet and sit there." Kyoko snapped at him but her outburst caused him to smile.

"I always knew Asuka got her fiery disposition from you."

"What part of shut up don't you understand?" Kyoko let one hand go of the wheel and swung it at Eckehard but her caught it and then gently brought it back down where he moved his fingers to intertwine them with her.

"I want you and Asuka to come back with me. Come back to Germany with me and let's be a family again," he told her genuinely.

"Eckehard…" Kyoko was shocked and for the first time addressed him by his name properly. She only did this when she was serious.

"I don't expect you to answer now so just let me know when you are ready…" And for the rest of the car trip the two kept their hands together.

TOKYO-3 – BRIDAL STORE

After the quartet had been discovered, the store owner was about to call security when franchise manager stopped her and had thought of something better. Since they were short a couple of models for the bridal expo and there was no way that they could find some size ten waist, they struck a deal. If the kids helped out with the expo then security would not be called. So right now, the girls where getting ready.

"Hey Hikari can you help me with this zipper?" Asuka asked her friend.

"Sure." She said almost giggling. "Don't you think that this is almost like a really wedding?"

"I guess…" The red head replied while she adjusted the top of her wedding dress so it was a little more comfortable.

"So are you really going to marry Ikari?" Hikari asked her best friend.

"It's not like I have a choice," Asuka answered. "If I want to stay here in Japan then it's the only way. You don't know my father. He doesn't know that meaning of 'no'."

"But getting married is so drastic. It's something that you shouldn't take lightly."

"You're so old fashioned. It's not like we are going to live together or anything. It's just a marriage according to the law. After a month or so, we'll get divorced and everything will be back to normal." Asuka had thought about her plan clearly.

"I don't think so…" Hikari frowned. "Marriage is something important. Have you spoken to Shinji about this?"

"He knows." Asuka was starting to get a little irritated by her friend's line of questioning.

"Are you sure? Shinji is the kind of guy that would do anything to help people regardless of his wellbeing. Have you considered his feelings?"

"What's with the third degree! I thought you were supposed to my best friend!" Asuka finally snapped.

"And that's why I'm asking you." Hikari sighed. She had known Asuka for long enough to know that she was too stubborn to change her mind. "In any case I think that you are very lucky to have Ikari as your husband."

"Whatever… He should be lucky that he's getting to marry me."

"Believe it or not Asuka, there are a lot of people who would give anything to have the opportunity you have right now. How many people do you know are like Shinji?" Hikari's words made Asuka think for moment.

"Hikari! I can fix your hair now." The voice of the store manager called out. She had just finished with Kodama's hair was ready for Hikari.

"Okay! Coming!" The class representative called out and then ran out of the change room, leaving Asuka alone with her thoughts.

TOKYO-3 – CITY STREETS

"WARK!" Pen-pen asked in an annoyed voice while under an oversized construction hat.

"There is a saying… Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," Rei replied while directing traffic with her light wand.

"WARK! WARK!" And with that, the warm water penguin got behind the jackhammer. He resumed tearing up the road but his little flippers didn't have the strength to control the machine so he just held on for dear life and hoped for the best.

The reason for the traffic congestion was some unscheduled road maintenance being conducted by Rei and Pen-pen. The pair continued with their little interference / assistance on tonight's proceedings.

TOKYO-3 – BRIDAL STORE

"Come out and let us see you Shinji?" Emi the franchise manager said while waiting for the boy while waiting outside the changing curtain.

"Just a minute…" Shinji called out as he was having troubles with his tie.

"If it's your tie, I can help you with that?" she said with a smile.

"How did you know?" Shinji strode out from behind the curtain with a ridiculous short and lopsided tie.

"I must admit that you do look very cute like that but it isn't the exact look we are looking for in tonight's show." She went over to him and started fixing it. "Didn't your father teach you how to do a tie?"

"Well you see… my father is kinda…" A large sweat drop appeared on Shinji.

"Okay all done!" Emi backed away from him to get a better look. "Turn around let's see you."

Shinji clumsy spun around. He had never model for anyone and had no idea. Emi thought it was adorable. He wore a jet black single breasted three button suit with a pure white satin-finish silk shirt and azure tie which matched his eyes. It wasn't anything special, in fact was that it was the only suit the store had in Shinji's size, but some how he managed to make it look worthy.

"Very nice… If I wasn't married and twenty year younger then you would be in trouble mister" Emi teased him.

"Trouble? You're not going to call security?" Shinji had completely misunderstood what she meant.

"Cute and funny… You have a lot of things going for you." Their conversation was interrupted by Yoko.

"The girls are done now." She announced and opened the separating curtain to reveal Shinji's brides for tonight's expo.

"Wow…" he was speechless at the sight before him. First up was Kodama. She was wearing a western wedding gown. It was made from ivory satin and came in an elegant two pieces. A halter neck with fitted bodice ran up around her neck which helped her bust line. The satin run full length of her body without a train. It fit her like a second skin.

Hikari was placed in a traditional Japanese wedding Kimono which just made her glow. It was made from a creamy silk, off white rather than true white. This was because of the traditional patterning in the design. Majestic cranes and flower covered the dress and her hair was done up in a simple bun. She looked like royalty from the ancient periods in Japan.

Last was Asuka and Shinji had never seen her like this before. She had on a strapless beaded gown in heavily beaded silk georgette that tied around the waist which fitted her absolutely perfectly. She didn't need any straps to help her bust line. Unlike Kodama's dress, there is also a small train at the bottom and Asuka had a veil which only slightly covered her features.

"You guys look amazing…" Shinji said which caused the three last minute wedding brides to blush. Emi and Yoko also smiled and giggled.

"This is great! I knew that we could pull this off!" Now if you come with us, we'll show you what's happening and what to do."

Meanwhile, out front the store had opened and the female shopping frenzy had commenced. The shop was packed and the register ringing off the bell. So far the midnight promotion was working. There were queues for the change rooms and slight disagreements between people who claimed they had their hands on the item first.

"Okay… let's split up and find those two." Yui took charge of the situation and started directing her troops but when no one replied she turned around.

"Back off lady! I had my eyes on it first!" Naoko had the sleeves of a dress and was trying to pull it away from another five just as eager shoppers. It was obvious that she had completely forgotten why they had come to the sale.

"Hey Eggy! Doesn't this bring back memories?" Kyoko had a dress of her own and was modelling it for her ex-husband.

"Kyoko please… we have to find Asuka." He pleaded with her to remain focus on their goal.

"Shin-chan! Nope! Shin-chan! Nope! Shin-chan! Nope!" Misato plough through every single male with short brown hair in the hope that it was her precious Shin-chan. When it wasn't him, she would toss the poor fellow aside like a rag doll, not caring who or what they would hit.

"Ikari-san! Please find your son quickly!" One of the detectives asked the matriarch as he dodged a human missile. "Perhaps you could tell us what he looks like."

"THERE HE IS! THAT'S MY BABY BOY!" Yui shouted and pointed across the store to the small stage and runway on the other side. The show had begun and first up was Asuka. With her veil down and the distance between them they couldn't tell that it was Asuka but Misato knew. She made a bee line to the stage, throwing anything aside that lay in her path.

"Quick! We can just go behind my niece," Yui said casually as she led the parade behind Misato who continued to bulldoze her way to the stage.

Shinji's role was to just accompany the brides up and down the runway like it was the tradition of walking up the aisle. He held his hand out for Asuka to place her on top. Asuka hesitantly did so. Her mind was a still maelstrom of thoughts as she pondered what Hikari had said to her.

As they walked up the runway, it only dawned on her what they were doing. It may have just been a show now and the wedding she wanted was obviously arranged out of convenience but something within her stirred as she walked with Shinji.

'Do I really want to marry Shinji?' She turned her head slightly to see his face. He was currently blushing and acting embarrassed from some of the wolf whistles and cat calls from the audience.

"They look good together," Hikari said as she and her sister snuck a peek from back stage.

"Yeah… tell me something… Is Shinji seeing anyone at the moment?" Kodama asked as her eyes were firmly fixed on Shinji's backside.

"Kodama!" Her sister's question took Hikari by surprise.

"What? It's just a question," She replied and then resumed watching Shinji strut his stuff.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SHIN-CHAN!" before the modelling couple could reach the end of the cat walk, Misato had leapt up onto the raised platform but it wasn't the Misato that Asuka and Shinji knew. This Misato was some sort of uber-wedding crasher machine. Her eyes burned a fiery red even her body shape didn't resemble anything like her usually buxom self.

"Ahhh… Misato…" Shinji tried to reason with her while slowly backing away.

"ASUKA! DIE! SHIN-CHAN! MINE!" the purple haired lovely lost the ability to form coherent sentences when she spotted Asuka and Shinji hand in hand all ready for a wedding. The image was the catalyst for her to switch back into her primal, animalistic instincts.

"OH MY! THIS IS SO EXCITING!" from nowhere Yui had appeared behind the couple and grabbed them in a massive bear hug. After squeezing the air from them she let then go and started addressed the audience. "Okay! I want the groom family on this side and bride's family on that side. Let's move people! This is my baby's wedding!"

"ASUKA! DIE! SHIN-CHAN! MINE!" Misato leapt up into the air over Yui like a cat. Asuka and Shinji would have been prey if it wasn't for a stray hand grabbing Misato's ankle causing her to stop in mid air and fall flat on her face.

"You are ruining the moment, Misa-chan!" It was Yui that caught her in mid air. "Now go find your seat!"

"Asuka!" The girl recognized the voice and it belong to his father. See looked up and saw him struggling in the mayhem of the crowd.

"Time to go baka!" Asuka grabbed Shinji's hand and quickly lead him out the back of the stage.

"No! Wait!" Eckehard called out to his daughter but it was too late. The amount of people between him and stage made it impossible for him to make chase. "Kyoko! Where are you!"

"Ha! Look at you! You can't even breathe with that on! I knew that you were never a size ten!" Naoko was laughing her head off as she watch Kyoko struggle with a dress a few sizes too small for her. During the chaos, they decided to do some shopping and it eventually turned into a contest to see who had the thinner waist line.

"Shut up! I'm not done yet! And it fits me like a glove!" Kyoko was flailing around on the ground like a beached a whale, her face almost blue from the lack of oxygen.

Asuka was able to easily led Shinji out the back of the store in the small alley again. The store owner and franchise manager were too busy try to keep restore calm inside. They had left they school uniforms inside and didn't have time to change.

"What now?" He asked her while hunching over with his hands on his knees.

"Tell me… Why are you doing this?" Asuka asked him while facing away from the boy.

"Doing what?"

"Baka! Don't make me say it!" She let out an angry outburst but then calmed down. "Why are you helping me? Why did you say that you would marry me?"

"Because you don't want to leave."

After his response, he was hit was a resounding slap.

"BAKA! I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS!" Asuka was now crying but her veil hid her tears. "I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING! DO YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO!"

There was a long silence after her shouting. The only thing could be heard was Asuka deep breathing and sniffles. Shinji stepped a bit closer to her and reach out to her.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed now fully crying and not worried about hiding it. But Shinji persisted and carefully lifted her veil from over her face. Unable to look him in the eye, she turned her face away.

"You want to know if I love you?" he asked her quietly and sincerely which caused her to look up at him showing her tear streaked cheeks.

"To tell you truth I don't know." At the moment Asuka's heart sank. She felt sick and unable to move but then Shinji's hand came up to hold her face.

"I don't even know what love is. Is love getting married so you won't have to leave Japan? I don't know. We're both so young Asuka but I'm willing to wait and find out what love is and I know that you do as well. So why don't we wait together?"

"Shinji… I… Oh Shinji!" Asuka couldn't finish and broke down in tears. She collapsed crying with him wrapping his arms around her. He continued to hold her in the middle of the alley as she let out everything.

"Now that's what I call a real man…" Kodama said while wiping a tear. Hikari couldn't say anything as she was just overwhelmed but the scene and display of emotion.

"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever scene!" Naoko and Kyoko were hugging and crying.

"You see Eggy… Is returning to Germany what Asuka really wants?" Yui asked him while sitting on top a hogged tied and gagged Misato so her niece wouldn't interrupt the precious moment.

Eckehard didn't say anything as he continued with the others watching his daughter being consoled and comforted by Shinji. Suddenly a cell phone decided to ring. It got the attention of the pair and they realized that they had an audience.

"WHO'S PHONE IS THAT!" Yui demanded, knowing that it had disrupted the memorable moment but it was the one of the detectives.

"This is Inspector Kawamoto." The man said into the phone. He nodded a few times before hanging up.

"That was the station. It appears that your husband has been arrested for attempting to burn down the government records building. He was caught with two more individuals and a number of other charges have also been made."

"If he thinks that I'm bailing his skinny ass out this time he can forget!" Yui was upset that it was Gendo's fault that the moment between Asuka and Shinji was ruined.

A FEW DAYS LATER – TOKYO-3 AIRPORT

"Thank for you hospitality, Kyoko," Eckehard said to her as he stood outside his departure gate.

"Don't mention it," she said nonchalantly. What he did next she didn't expect. He closed the gap between them and gave her a warming kiss on the lips. The pair hadn't resolved all their differences but an understanding had been reach between them. She slowly melted into the kiss and replied in kind.

"God… I'm going to be sick…" Asuka pretended to gag as her mother and father locked lips in the middle of the airport. Naoko was whispering something to Yui which caused them to giggle.

"You don't have to be a stranger. You're more than welcome to visit anytime," Eckehard said after breaking the kiss.

"Hmmm… Keep that up and I might have to take you up on your offer if I can expect more of that." Kyoko teased then Eckehard turned towards his daughter. He dropped his bag and knelt down before her.

"Don't kiss me. Who knows where you lips have been," she said while looking up at her mother who just produced an eyebrow twitch. But before she could protest her father pulled her into big hug which she eventually returned.

"Look after your mother for me. You know how she gets," he whispered in her ear.

"Yeah… I know…" she replied. Behind them the three mothers were already back in the duty free stores which caused Eckehard to sweat dropped. "And use the phone every now and again. Don't worry what time it is. Just call if you need anything."

"Whatever… You better hurry up before you miss your flight." Asuka was still putting on her tough girl façade.

"I guess you have everything you need right here," he said while looking at Shinji's direction who was trying to free himself from Misato who was still wearing the wedding veil from a few days back. Shinji apologized to her by placing the veil on her head which made her go all warm and fuzzy in an instant. Misato had suffered a severe case of Shin-chan withdrawal and was making up for it.

"You there, boy." Eckehard then turned his attention to him and called out which caused Shinji to snap to attention.

"Yes sir!" he said quickly with a hint of fear.

Eckehard held his hand out. Shinji looked at it and didn't know what to make of it. He wasn't accustomed to western greetings.

Asuka gave him a nudge. "Shake it, baka."

"Oh sorry about that." He laughed nervously and took his hand in a handshake.

"You are quite an interesting young man." Eckehard said which caused an even more confused look on Shinji. He picked up his bag and began walking down the departure tunnel.

"WOOHOO! SHINJI!" Shinji and Asuka both turned around to find a very drunk Naoko, Kyoko and Yui beginning a strip tease in the middle of the international terminal. Empty bottles of fifty year old whisky from the duty free shop lay around the floor.

"Please stop!" Shinji ran over to them in a vain attempt to get them clothed so airport security wouldn't be required but his presence only seem to incite more risqué behaviour.

"Shinji Ikari… I'm starting to understand how you can to make my wife and daughter would want to stay in Japan…" the German man said to himself.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Many thanks for the positive reviews. I even got one suggestion for Asuka to get pregnant with Shinji. I couldn't fulfil that request. Sorry… But I hope the WAFF ending sorta makes up for it.

I have no idea if crows migrate or not. I just know that they are in Japan and prevalent in Japanese culture :P

Thanks for reading, Wonga316

PRE-READER'S NOTES  
I would apologise for this taking so long, but I've been busy sorting out my new house. Hell, I don't even have internet access just yet.

Yes, this means that you could be waiting a while for me to update.

You'll all get over it, I have.

Lord Raa


	17. Chapter 17

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 17

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

CHAT  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
Yahoo – wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
AIM – wonga316

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa (yes, that one)

DATE POSTED  
20060728

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

SOHRYU RESIDENCE

"GET BACK HERE!" It was a peacefully morning in the Sohryu household until it was shattered by the shouting of one of its occupants.

"What the!" The shouting abruptly woke Shinji from his slumber. He was sleeping on the living room sofa and consequently fell off onto the cold floor. The warm from his sleeping bag quickly disappearing as the stale smell of pizza from Valentines Day was still around and began to permeate his nostrils.

"Shin-chan! Help me!" Before the Shinji had time to realize what was going on someone had dived straight into his sleeping bag.

"Stop hiding behind that baka and get out here!" Asuka demanded. Shinji looked up to find the young redhead in her pyjamas standing over him looking extremely pissed off.

"Asuka? What's going on?" he asked while still straining his neck up at her.

"'What's going on'! Someone decided to leave their hairballs in the bathroom sink!" The girl threw down a clump of wet purple hair down in front of him. It made a splat as it hit the floor.

"Shin-chan… She's being a meanie… I have to keep up my appearances for you… You know that!" Misato whined after sticking her head out from beneath the safety of Shinji's sleeping bag like a rabbit from its burrow. It was only now that he noticed that she was still wet and more importantly completely naked.

"Mi… Mi… Mi…" He mumbled incoherently as she quickly realized the compromising position he was in. He felt every inch of her silky smooth damp skin as her scent of shampoo and soap overwhelmed his senses. Naturally all these things caused an instinctive male reaction below his waist.

"Oh?" Misato felt something poking her in the leg. She looked down into the sleeping bag and found what it was. It brought a big smile to the woman's face.

"Hehe…Shin-chan you have a lolly-pop… Let me have a taste!" She quickly disappeared back under the sleeping bag where she giggled, knowing that it would only help antagonize the Sohryu girl.

"Oh my… You're so big… I wonder what happen if I do this? "

Streams of blood began to pour from both Shinji's nostrils and a naked Misato pretended to be a little girl in a candy shop.

"BA…KA… HEN… TAI…" Asuka had completely forgotten about her disagreement with Misato. Her eyes narrowed into little slits like a snake about to strike its prey. She slowly produced a baseball bat from behind her.

"No! Wait!" Shinji said while holding his bleeding nose with one hand.

BREAKFAST TABLE

"Good morning everyone," Kyoko yawned as she walked into the room wearing a satin robe that wouldn't be amiss from the playboy mansion. The morning's commotion wasn't enough to wake her and she had slept in. As the single mother wasn't a morning person, it always took a while for you her to get started.

"Good morning Kyoko!" Yui said cheerfully while standing at the stove busily making the first meal of the day. "I hope you like pancakes."

"Sure what ever…" Kyoko huffed and then saw Shinji sitting at the table with a grimace on his face. Next to him was Misato, sporting a black eye but a huge grin. She happily slipped away at her usual can of beer. Then there was Asuka who was methodically stabbing her empty plate with a butter knife.

"Not again…" Kyoko pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is the fourth day in a row." For the past four mornings, the day had started off the same way. Kyoko was growing tired of the routine but at least she didn't have to worry about cooking. Yui had assumed most of the tasks associated with being a mother and house wife.

"Well, if some one took the time to properly train that fat purple gorilla to clean up after herself in the bath room none of this would be happening." Asuka punctuated with a final stab that broke her plate in half. But her insult didn't have the usual response from Misato. She continued to smile to herself and drink her alcohol.

"Why are you so happy? That looks like your first beer so you can't be drunk yet." Kyoko asked Misato who waved her to come closer so she could whisper something in her ear. As Misato did, Kyoko eyes began to grow wider.

"You're lying!" she said astonished at what she had just been told.

"Nuh ah." Misato placed her beer down and gave an approximate sizing with both her hands. Kyoko just looked at Shinji who was still grimacing in pain at the table to notice what was going on.

"Pancakes are ready!" Yui placed quite a large stack of pancakes in the middle of the table with some whipped butter and some jam.

"I want a lolly-pop…" Kyoko said in a disappointed voice but had to settle for pancakes.

"And here's a new ice pack for you sweetie…" Yui then grabbed the old cold pack from Shinji's groin and replaced it with the fresh one then took her place are the breakfast table. Everyone started digging into the pancakes like it was going to be the last meal they would ever eat except for Shinji. He remained still with a painful expression and legs slightly apart for the ice pack to soothe the throbbing pain.

"YOO-WHO" Someone announced before entering the room and taking a seat at the table without an invitation.

"Pancakes! Nice one, Yui!" Naoko quickly used a fork and stabbed half the pile from the main plate for herself. She was half way through the stack before anyone could complain.

"Good morning Naoko," Yui greeted her friend.

"Can you please hurry!" Ritsuko was next to enter the kitchen. "Unlike you I have quite a lot of work to do today." The Akagi daughter took her position and occupation at NERV more seriously than the others. But her request fell on deaf ears as her mother just continued to munch away at the pancakes like locusts in a wheat field.

"Good morning Ritsu." Yui greeted her like everyone. "Why don't you sit and have some…"

"BURP!" But before the mother of twins could offer some of her special pancakes they were all gone. Naoko slumped back in her chair showing off her extended stomach like a snake that had swallowed something larger than its stomach could handle.

"Some of those were for my Rei! She was up early this morning for swimming practice! She gets really hungry after practice! Give them back!" Upset that her daughter would go hungry, Yui leapt across the table and grabbed Naoko by the jaw. The contents of the breakfast table went flying everywhere. Yui then proceeded to crank Naoko's jaw open and shove her whole arm down her gullet in a vain attempt to retrieve Rei's breakfast.

"That's our signal to go. Come baka." Asuka pulled Shinji from his chair and lead him away from the table.

"Try not to kill anyone today, Asuka," her mother said to her as she grabbed both their school bags.

"Have a good day Shinji!" Yui said with only her forearm down Naoko's throat.

TOKYO THREE PUBLIC SWIMMING POOLS

"WARK! WARK! WARK!" Pen-pen was waddling up and down the length of the fifty metre pool with a stop watch and squawking orders into a megaphone at his trainee. It wasn't clear if Rei understood what the bird was saying but she continued with her freestyle up and down the pool.

"Pen-pen!" The bird stopped when someone called his name out. He looked up to see the mothers, Misato and Ritsuko coming towards him.

"Wark…" he sighed knowing that there was going to be trouble with the five of them all together.

"Hi Pen-pen! How's my champion swimmer going?" Yui asked carrying what looked like a large boxed bento wrapped up in a traditional cloth.

"Wark. Wark." He answered and then blew into his whistle to signal that training was over. Rei stopped half way through her lap and began swimming towards the group.

"You did not have to come see me," Rei said in her usual calm manner as she climbed out of the water.

"I wanted to bring a special breakfast for my little Rei." Yui said and wrapped a towel around the wet girl. She had to put the bento onto the ground and Naoko noticed this. She doubled checked that Yui was busy drying Rei's hair and made her move. She slowly sneaked towards the bento with the intension to eat some more.

"Touch that and you die." She wasn't able to lay a finger on it before the out stretched arm holding a wooden spoon flew out from Yui who continued to dry Rei with her other hand. She had to specially prepare another meal for Rei after Naoko devoured the pancakes after her retrieval attempt proved unsuccessful.

"Awww… But I'm hungry…" She complained. Even with a sore jaw she still had the desire to eat.

"God… You are so embarrassing…" Ritsuko hide her face in her hands, ashamed of her mother's actions.

"I have breakfast. You must be hungry after working for hard. And don't worry Pen-pen mummy didn't forget you either." Yui reached into her pocket and pulled out a can of sardines for him.

"WARK!" he exclaimed wondering how in the hell he was going to open it without a can opener.

"Don't worry. I didn't forget that." She handed him a can opener.

"I don't know what's stranger – having an arctic bird as a swimming coach or being able to understand that very same bird," Kyoko said while looking at Misato who was still grinning like fool after her run in with Shinji earlier on.

"Will you stop smiling like a moron! It's getting annoying!" Kyoko couldn't help but let Misato's delight from Shinji's so called lolly-pop get the better of her.

"Yeah. Why are you so happy?" Ritsuko asked her friend, knowing that she couldn't have consumed the amount of alcohol need to be this cheerful at this hour of the morning. Misato waved everyone into a tight huddle and explained Kyoko to the others.

"NO WAY!" They all chorus together after she finished explaining.

TOKYO THREE HIGH SCHOOL

"ACHOOO!" Shinji sneezed and rubbed his nose just before he and Asuka reached the main gates into the school. He was still limping but was able to walk on his own. It wasn't like he had a choice in the matter, Asuka wasn't going to walk to school alone.

"Awww… Is the poor baby catching a cold?" Asuka patted him on the head in a condescending manner. Shinji just gave her a strange look.

After the Valentine's night in the alley behind the bridal store, Asuka wasn't the usually Asuka anymore. She still would lash out and beat the crap out of anyone when she deemed it necessary but not as much when it came to Shinji. The beatings and insults didn't stop entirely they were just a lot less frequent. The old Asuka would come out occasionally and Shinji noticed that it was only when one of the other girls were all over him.

"Here you go Shinji." A handkerchief was handed to him. He looked up and found that it was Mana offering it to him. "You should be careful. You don't want to catch a cold and get sick."

"HEY!" Asuka's outburst was followed up by her slapping away Mana's hand with the handkerchief. "He doesn't need your help, so get lost!"

'There she goes again… I can never work out what goes on in her head,' Shinji thought as he scratched his head in puzzlement.

"You know, you've been acting really possessive of Shinji lately!" Mana out let her own accusation. The shouting had started to gather a number of student spectators. "It's almost like you're acting like his girlfriend or something."

"I said get lost! No-one asked your opinion!" Asuka fired back in quickly to cover up the shock. It had just hit her when Mana told her that she had been acting differently with Shinji.

"Let ask Shinji then! We all know that he tells the truth!" Mana looked straight at the boy.

"What? Did you say something?" Shinji was still wrapped up in his own thoughts to realize the question.

"This is stupid! I'm not wasting any more time with you!" Asuka grabbed Shinji by the hand and began leading away through the crowd.

"What's the matter? Are you afraid of what he might say? If not, then why don't you let him answer the question?" Mana pushed further and it made Asuka stop in her tracks.

"Fine! Tell her Shinji!" Asuka ordered the boy but he was no where to be seen. "Where the hell did he go? He was just here."

"Dude! You missed out on it Shin-man!" Touji had his arm around his friend and they were half way towards the school building leaving Asuka, Mana and the crowd behind.

"Yeah! They have this new game down at the arcade. It's awesome. You get to sit in this cockpit and pilot these bio-mechanical robots! They are called Evangelions or something. The programmers have even taken into account the technical design of bio-pedal robotics. It's almost like a simulator!" Kensuke was even more excited than his friend.

"Me and Ken are going back this afternoon before tonight's fund raiser. You're coming right, Shinji! We're going blow up some stuff!" Touji pulled him into a tight headlock and started squeezing.

TOKYO THREE SWIMMING POOLS

"That's physically impossible!" Ritsuko was adamant. There was no anatomical way that what Misato told them was true

"I swear to God! It's this big!" Misato held up a closed fist as a size comparison.

"Really! I'm so proud! My Shinji is so manly," Yui said wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye.

Everyone, including Rei, gave her a strange look.

"I don't think that's anything to be proud of…" Kyoko muttered under her breathe.

"Do you know what this means? Do you know how many grandchildren my Shinji could father with that?" Everyone sweat-dropped as Yui got excited about the prospect of many grandkids.

"This is ridiculous!" Ritsuko was still a non believer. She looked at the only other sensible person in the group being Rei. "I bet Rei knows. Why don't you tell everyone that Misato is obviously exaggerating the fact?"

All the women looked at Rei for confirmation. She placed her bento tray down to answer.

"I have not seen many others to compare and I have yet to see it in its excited state, but I would not say that Misato's analysis is entirely incorrect," she said stoically then picked up the bento and chopsticks to continue eating.

"YES! I never doubted my baby boy had the goods!" Yui her happy dance with traditional fans and exact dance steps as Ritsuko just stood they jaw agape in disbelief. Misato just nodded her head knowing her assessment was always right from the beginning.

"Oh… baby…" Naoko and Kyoko began drooling at the prospect of getting their hands and Shinji's member.

"Okay Yui, calm yourself. Take a deep breath." The over joyous mother told herself and when she regain her composure the cell phone was out. "What's the number of that fertility clinic in town? I have to get Shinji to make a deposit as soon as possible. Something could happen and my precious grandbabies will be in danger."

But it just so happen, that she wasn't the only one with a cell phone out. They were too excited to notice that Hikari's older sister, Kodama, along with some of her friends were also training at the same pool. Ever since Shinji's heartfelt performance at the bridal show, he was, unsurprisingly, the talk of much of the girls. Kodama was so moved by his words that she couldn't help tell everyone about it. The way Yui and the others were going on about Shinji's new found talent was hard to be ignored by Kodama and her friends.

"This should make the bachelor fund raiser interesting," Kodama said as she texted in a message into her cell phone to let other know of their discovery.

TOKYO THREE HIGH SCHOOL

"ACHOOO!" Shinji stopped what he was doing and sneezed again. "Man… I must really be coming down with something."

The boy was busy painting a poster for the bachelor fund raiser this evening. After Yui's little school excursion the other day, the main hall was severely damaged by the accidental fire. NERV was more than happy to pay for any cost incurred for the repairs but the student council thought it would be a good idea and exercise in cooperation between the students to hold some fund raising activities. They had an opportunity the buy some new and more advanced AV equipment for the hall.

"Do you want me to come with you to the nurse's office?" Mana asked from nowhere which startled him a bit and what she did next took him even more by surprise. The girl pressed her forehead against his to gauge if he had a temperature.

"Kirishima?" The proximity of her presence was making him uncomfortable but not in a bad way.

"BA…KA…" Asuka had watched the scene unfold and the bottle of paint she was holding got crushed under her grip sending yellow paint everywhere like a paint bomb had exploded in her hand.

"Hmmm… you don't seem to have a temperature." Mana backed away from the stunned boy. "Maybe you have some cute girls talking about you Shinji? They're probably talking about how much they are bid on you."

Her light-hearted joked caused him to chuckle in embarrassment.

"Who me? I don't think anyone would be interested in bidding on me. In any case, I wasn't nominated to participate."

They were discussing the bachelor auction which the student council agreed upon as the fund raiser. Nominated student male students would be put up for public sale with the bidder having the student's services for the next twenty four hours. It was a good opportunity to use them as their personal slave to exact revenge for past indiscretions or more romantic endeavours. This lead to a mix of boys being nominated for auction and of course there were the usual heartthrobs.

"I wouldn't say that. I know one person who is particularly interested in you, Mr. Ikari," Mana finished with a playful wink then her cell phone sounded. Her phone was the first of many. Soon everyone who had a cell phone began getting the message. Mana's eyes began to widen as she read the incoming message.

"Who was it? What did it say?" Shinji asked out of curiosity.

"IT'S NOTHING! REALLY!" Mana quickly shoved her phone back in her pocket while trying to hide the grow blush on her features.

"WHAT!" Asuka was next to receive and read the message. She reacted accordingly.

TOKYO THREE – CITY STREETS

Yui was at the helm of the family car. She was driving like a devil processed. Rei was in the front passenger seat and remained calm as her mother ducked and weaved through traffic and pedestrians. The others were cramped in the back seat rolling from side to side as the family sedan drifted at each corner.

"She drives worse than you, Misato," Ritsuko said while having her face smeared up against the window.

"What did you expect? Who do think taught her how to drive?" Kyoko asked rhetorically while being sandwiched. "LOOK OUT!"

Kyoko had spotted a mother with a pram crossing the road ahead of them. Yui flicked the car to the left and with only inches to spare narrowly missed the woman and her child.

"Okay Rei sweetie… Mummy needs you to go into the school and find your brother. He has an appointment at the fertility clinic." Rei was about the reply when her mother ripped up the handbrake and drifted the car perfectly into a sharp corner.

"That should not prove a problem since we are busy preparing for the bachelor fund raiser this evening." She answered when the car was in a straight line again.

"Bachelor fund raiser? Is that like an auction? May be we can find you a little pet, Ritsuko?" Naoko joked after peeling her own face from the window.

"Stop meddling in my life, you freak!" her daughter shouted across the back seat.

"I wonder if Shinji is going into the auction," Kyoko mused aloud but her aimless question caused Yui to slam on the breaks and lock the wheels. The car skidded to a stop becoming a nuisance for the traffic flow.

"Rei! Is your brother in the auction!" Yui turned to her daughter and demanded, ignoring the series of honks and beeps from the cars piling up behind. Suddenly the centre of attention was on the Ikari twin as the others waited intently for her answer.

"The student council decided which students would participate in the fund raiser. Shinji was not nominated."

Yui breathed a sigh of relief while the others looked a disappointed.

But Rei wasn't finished. "Although a second list of students that merely missed the first lot of selection was designated as replacement auctions should anything happen to the others."

"So… that means if someone gets sick there is another to replace them," Misato deduced.

"That's very good Misa-chan!" Yui turned around and proudly patted her adopted niece on the forehead. Misato almost purred like a kitten getting its head scratched. But Rei still had more to say.

"I believe my brother was nominated as replacement auction."

"WHAT!"

TOKYO THREE HIGH SCHOOL

"ACHOOO!" Shinji sneezed again. "What the hell? I've never had hay-fever or allergies before." His bout of sneezing had him wondering what was going on. He knew he wasn't sick or about to come down with a cold or anything.

"Would you look at that? You're as sick as a dog," Asuka said quickly before yanking him away from the poster Mana and he were working for tonight's event.

"WOAH!" Before he knew what was happen, he was outside the class room which was slowly moving away from him.

"Ah… Asuka…" He tried to ask what she was doing. It wasn't unusual for her to grab and drag him where ever she wanted to go but it was usually after he was done something wrong. To his knowledge he hadn't upset the redhead for at least twenty minutes.

"Shut up and do as you are told," Asuka told him as they continued their way through the corridor.

"But…" As they passed classroom windows students would get up see what was going on. Normal they would just have a peek and then go sit back down but today they seem to mill around the windows and chatter something among themselves.

"Ah Ikari, there you are!" The pair stopped when they heard the voice of the headmaster.

"We're just going to bathroom! Right, Asuka!" Shinji was worried that they would be disciplined for not being in class and quickly made up an unlikely excuse to avoid any trouble.

"Relax, Ikari-kun," the elderly man told him. "I'm here on behalf of the student council. They are busy organizing tonight's fund raiser. It seems at one of the auction participants has fallen ill and will not be able to take part."

"That's no good but I don't see how that has anything to do with me," the boy replied while still on the ground.

"Well since Kazuki has fallen ill, you are to replace him tonight." He answered and almost immediately the students watching on got onto their cell phones to spread the latest development.

"WHAT!" Asuka's cry was loud enough it travelled through the length of the hallway in building.

Meanwhile an out of control family sedan skidded around the corner and slammed into a street light just outside the school main gates. Smoke and steam began to rise from the crumpled bonnet and twisted metal. On lookers scrambled to check if the occupants were injured but stopped when the driver door kicked open and someone got out.

"Don't worry Shinji, Mummy's coming to save you." Yui shouted before she started sprinting towards the main gates. She was only inches from being on school property before being tackled from behind and wrestled to the ground.

"Why are you doing this! My Shinji is in great danger!" Yui pleaded and struggled against her captives.

"Because this is our chance to get Shinji to ourselves for twenty four hours!" Kyoko said while applying a choke hold on the mother.

"SHIN-CHAN LOLLY-POP! SHIN-CHAN LOLLY-POP! SHIN-CHAN LOLLY-POP!" Misato repeatedly shouted on the top of her lungs as she tightened the bear hug around Yui's torso.

Naoko was wrapped around the legs, completely the triple team on the mother hell bent on protecting her only son's precious genes. But her intentions for stopping Yui were not to the same as Misato and Kyoko. She was still upset that the Bento Nazi wouldn't let her have one little bite. Naoko was making up for it but trying to chew off Yui's leg like it was a chicken drum stick.

"I must insist that you stop right there." The four older women stopped rumbling for a moment. Rei had miraculously appeared in front of them, standing between them and the school gates. "Have you forgotten about the restraining order the school has on all of you?"

After the fall out from the Valentine's Day disaster, Tokyo Three High School took measures protect itself from the rampaging mothers. They were going to expel the kids but that would have been unfair for the actions of others. Instead a restraining order was placed and a condition if they broke that order the kids would definitely be expelled.

"But I'll be really quick. I promise no one will see me." Yui said while looking up at her daughter. "I'll be like a ninja! You know float like butterfly and sting like bee!"

"That's Muhammad Ali… Not a ninja…" Kyoko corrected her friend.

"That doesn't matter!" Yui shouted back at her. "Some floozy could get their hands on Shinji and who know what they will do to him!"

Rei just shook her head at her mother. "Your intentions are good but I would like to remain a student at this school."

"I know! You and Shinji can be home taught by me! Mummy will teacher you everything." Yui had a answer for everything.

Her mother's response caused Rei to sigh in frustration.

"Home schooling?" The others muttered as they imagine everything that they could show Shinji if he was home schooled and it wasn't just what was written in the curriculum. All of them had similar thought clouds with Shinji in rather interesting positions.

"It appears pointless to try and convince you otherwise," Rei sighed again.

"Actually I have an idea…" Kyoko said with a glint mischievous in her eyes. "But we'll need your help Rei."

LATER THAT AFTERNOON

"Asuka… I think I'll be fine…" Shinji insisted as his best friend continued to lead him around. After his promotion to a bachelor in tonight's auction, Asuka had not left his side. Even during rehearsals for the event like where he was to stand and such. Right now they were on a break from practice and just hanging around back stage.

The auction was being held in the gymnasium while the repair work was being done on the school auditorium. A temporary stage had been erected where the proceeding would be held.

"You would think that someone would be more appreciative for looking after them and making sure that they don't ruin things for tonight." Asuka covered up her real intention by making up an obvious lie.

"It's not that I don't appreciate what you are doing. It's just that…" Shinji didn't see through the lie like usual and was met with a death stare from the young girl when he tried to protest.

"Fine… Fine… I understand." He conceded and continued to go along with things.

"Asuka!" The both of them turned around when the girl's name was called and found Hikari. The class representative was waving her to come over.

"You stay here and don't move." Asuka ordered Shinji like he was a dog being house trained and then hurried over to her friend.

"What's up? I'm kinda busy," she asked her.

"Well you see… We… I mean me… was sort of wondering…" The class representative was nervous. This wasn't normal from Hikari who was usually calm and in control. She didn't make eye contact and was constantly looking down at her feet.

"Come on… Just spit it out…" Asuka was starting to lose her patience.

"Is there anything going on with you and Ikari?" Hikari finally managed to get out what she wanted to say.

"What do you mean 'anything going on'?" Asuka replied with a question of her own. She peered over the brunette's shoulder and found a group of girls hiding behind a set of curtains. She had a good idea what Hikari wanted and who had put her up to it.

"Well, this is the thing…" As Hikari went on to explain the situation to the temperamental girl, Shinji remained on his own. He closed his eyes for moment and took a time out. Ever since Valentine's Day things have been more than a little hectic for him. But his brief moment of peace was disrupted again.

"Of all the people they could have chosen as a replacement, they just had to pick you." Shinji keep has eyes closed but his brow creased. He knew who voice it was and wasn't the slightest pleased at the person.

"Piss off, Nagisa," Shinji said opening his eyes and looking up at Kaworu. The boy was the only one that could get Shinji to react this way.

"Now, now, there's no need for you to get upset. I've come here with a business proposal," Shinji's nemesis said casually ignoring his suggestion.

"Not interested in any dumb ideas you have. Now leave me alone." Shinji let Kaworu know straight way that he want nothing to do with him.

"Not even if it concerns your dear sister?" the Nagisa boy said. Shinji's hand instantly came out and grabbed the front of the school uniform on Kaworu.

"I'm not playing around! Say her name again and I'll beat the crap out of you!" he threatened loud enough for everyone around including Asuka and Hikari to hear.

"Do you think you I'm scared of you? I'm ready any time you are Ikari," Kaworu antagonised.

"Baka!" Asuka called out to him in trepidation. She fear for what was about to happen and fact that the Shinji she knew wasn't in front of her anymore

"You should listen to your girlfriend or she might get upset," the pale skinned boy knew exactly what buttons to push when it came to Shinji Ikari but didn't think that he would click so soon. Shinji swung him around and into the wall that he was just leaning against.

"You just don't know when to shut your mouth!" Shinji snarled as he shoved Kaworu up against the wall a second time make his head bounce.

"This is the deal. If you raise more money than I do at tonight's auction then I'll leave your sister alone. But if I win then I'm taking Rei out on a date," Kaworu showed no signs of his head hitting the wall.

"Son of bitch!" with one hand Shinji keeping his victim pinned against the wall and wound up for a punch.

"Shinji!" Asuka and Hikari intervened just at the right time. Both girls got between the two and pulled them part.

"It's a deal! Now piss off girly-man!" Asuka said as she pulled Shinji away. Kaworu pushed himself off the wall and fixed his shirt from the manhandling.

"Now that's all you had to say." He walked away leaving a still seething Shinji.

"What the hell was that for! Who asked you to get involved!" Shinji snapped at Asuka which took her by surprised. Asuka responded by grabbing Shinji's ear lob and twisting.

"I was doing you a favour. Hikari and I have a plan so you don't have to worry about anything." Asuka said while trying to remain calm and washing away the sense of worry for the boy.

"Asuka is right! Leave everything to us." Hikari followed up cheerfully in an attempt to kill the tension still in the air.

"Ouch! Alright! Alright! Just let go! It's starting to hurt." The Shinji that they knew had returned as he complained about having his ear practically ripped off.

"No! Now you're buying me and Hikari something to eat as thanks for what we just did." Asuka remained clamped on Shinji's ear as she led him away with Hikari following closely behind.

THE AUCTION FUND RAISER

A large crowd of students had gathered for tonight's proceedings. The gymnasium was practically at capacity which was a good sign of school spirit and community. The head master walked up to the podium and addressed the crowd. He was pleased with the turn out and wished for an enjoyable yet profitable fund raiser. Then he hand over to a senior who was a member of the student council and the auction was under way.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Hikari asked Asuka hesitantly while they waited for Shinji to appear on stage.

"What do you mean? It was your idea?" Asuka replied back with her own question.

"I mean what if we don't have enough money?" Hikari was extremely nervous.

"Look with all of us pooling our money together what could go wrong?" A group of female class mates had approached Hikari earlier with some questions about Shinji and Asuka. Since the class representation was her best friend, she was the most logical person to ask delicate questions about the two. As they got talking a plan was formulated they if they all pooled their money together they would have a better chance of winning Shinji from the auction. In return, Asuka was to show once and for all if all the rumours about Shinji were true. The only thing was that Shinji didn't have a clue anything of this was all arranged.

"Sold!" The student council member hit her auctioneer hammer on the podium to signify a sale. It was followed by group of giggles as buyer and her friends realized that they had won.

"Next we have Kaworu Nagisa, the first of your middle class students. So get your money ready ladies. He's a classy lad with good grades. So don't be shy on the yen. All proceeds will go to our new audio and visual equipment," the auctioneer announced Kaworu as he made his entrance onto the stage from the side. The boy walked across the stage with a confident strut that borderline arrogance. When he reached the centre, he placed his hands on his hips and struck a pose that reeked of egotism.

"Let's start the bidding at 500 yen!" The auctioneer announced. It was followed by absolute silent. You could have heard a pin drop but the silence was broken by a particular individual.

"Get off the stage, girly-man!" Asuka shouted which caused the crowd to begin laughing. She was still a little upset him causing a punch up at rehearsal with Shinji.

"Okay… how about 250 yen?" The auctioneer tried to bring some order to the crowd which found Kaworu's new nickname more interesting than the fund raiser. But it failed to raise any interest.

"100 yen! It's a bargain, girls! You can have your own girly-man for just 100 Yen!"

"HEY!" Kaworu began to take exception to things now. "How dare you people! You want to know something! I'm too good for any of you!"

"HEY GIRLY-MAN!" as Kaworu looked in the direction of his newly found nickname being called he saw a basketball hurtling towards his face.

WHACK

The basketball was right on target and slammed right into his face sending him straight to ground. It caused a loud applause and cheers from the audience.

"Five yen." Rei had appeared next to the announcer on stage during the interruption and casually tossed a five Yen coin.

"Going once, going twice. Sold for five yen!" The hammer dropped. Rei proceeded to drag the knocked out boy off the stage.

"Rei? What are you doing! I warned you about Nagisa!" Shinji told her and then asked as he bumped into his twin sister back stage. "Where were you all day? I didn't see you in class after swim practice."

"I was with mother." She dropped Kaworu's leg and it made a dull thud. Shinji watched as his sister reached into her pocket and produced something for him.

"What is it?" he asked as he inspected the small item.

"It's a panic button. Should anything happen on stage, don't hesitate to use it. Mother and I will be close by for any assistance." She answered flatly.

"Panic button! What's going to happen!" Shinji was starting to worry. Rei was usually right about these sort of things and he always took her warnings seriously. "Wait! Mum is here? What about her restraining order?"

Shinji didn't have time to get an answer as he was hurried onto the stage by some of the organizers. He stumbled and almost tripped on stage where his entrance caused a quite hush from the audience. He couldn't hear any of the whispers and soft chatter clearly on their own as collective they mumbled each other.

"Next on the block is Shinji Ikari. This quiet mild mannered boy from class 2-B was good enough to help us today. So let start the bidding at…"

"Eight thousand yen!" Asuka yelled out before the auctioneer could finish and caused a gasp of amazement from the crowd.

"Alright! Eight thousand yen! The opening bid is also the highest we have had so far!" The announcer accepted Asuka's bid on behalf of their group. Shinji stood in the middle of the stage dumbfounded. He had no idea why Asuka would bid on him and where she was going to get eight thousand yen from.

"Nine thousand yen!" Everyone turned around to the second bidder. It was Mana Kirishima. She looked straight at Asuka and dared her try and beat her.

"Ten thousand yen!" Asuka hated losing and especially hated loosing to the Kirishima girl.

"Asuka! We don't have ten thousand yen!" Hikari was responsible for collecting and counting the money. She was surprised when Asuka opened the bidding with their limit but didn't say anything thinking that their plan would work. The pigtailed girl was now stating to get nervous in what looked like a bidding war for Shinji.

"Eleven thousand yen!" Mana counted. "Did you really think that you were the ones with the idea of pooling their money together?"

"Bitch! Twelve thousand!" Asuka shouted at Mana instead of the auctioneer.

"Thirteen!"

"Fourteen!"

"Fifteen!"

The bids went back and forth between the two girls and grew higher and higher. Shinji was now really worried that he was causing trouble for everyone and decided to speak up.

"Why don't we just…" But was cut short when the auctioneer clamped his hand over Shinji's mouth.

"Shut up! This is the money we really need!" the announcer said greedily.

"Eighteen!"

"Nineteen!"

Back and forth the bids went as they were used more as insults. Everyone was focused on Mana and Asuka bidding war to notice someone stand up on top of a box above the crowd.

"Thirty thousand yen!" The girl on the crate announced which caused Mana and Asuka to stop and look in her direction.

"Kodama! What are you doing!" Hikari raced up to her older sister.

"Don't worry little sister. We'll share him around." The older Horaki sister said while still on the box. Kodama was quite impressed with Shinji show of affection at the bridal show and wanted to know more about the boy. So she and her friends formed a party to join in the bidding for Shinji. Some of Kodama's friends had part time jobs and could afford to put more into pool of money.

"ARGH! I'll kill her!" Asuka went to lunge at Kodama but was stopped by Hikari.

"Thirty thousand yen! Do we have any more bids!" Mana didn't say anything. Like Asuka she had bid over her group's limit and got caught up in the tussle. Asuka was pre occupied with causing grievous bodily harm to make another bid.

"Thirty thousand. Going once. Going twice. Going, going go…"

"Fifty thousand yen!" A last minute bid was shouted out and shocked everyone. They wondered who it was. It came from the back of the gymnasium. Four individuals stood there. They stepped forward and through the crowd.

"I have fifty thousand yen!" The bidder held up a wad of cash for everyone to see. As they go closer to the stage, Shinji could see their faces and recognized them instantly.

"Mi… Mi… Misato!" he gasped a fell backwards onto his backside.

"Hi Shin-chan!" Misato waved and blew him a playful kiss. "Do you like my new uniform?"

The woman was wearing the same uniform as the middle class girls and it was the same size. The tartan skit didn't cover anything and when walked you could easily chase a glimpse of her panties. The fabric of the blouse was stretched to breaking strain as the buttons were almost popping against her ample bust. She had tied her purple locks in high pig tails completing the high school girl striptease-cosplay look.

"Don't forget us Shinji." Kyoko stepped forward causing her assets to bounce. She was dressed up like Misato expect that her hair was pulled back into a single ponytail. Naoko was next. She had forgone the buttons on the blouse and just tied it into a makeshift bikini showing off her slender waist and taut stomach.

"Hi Shinji!" She waved why munching on a packet of crisps.

"Where's Ritsu?" The mother noticed that something was missing and found her daughter trying to sneak away. She quickly grabbed the back of her lab coat and pulled her back.

"Let me go! This is ridiculous!" Ritsuko protested as she kept her white lab coat tightly wrapped around her body.

"What's the matter? You have nice body so why don't you show it to Shinji!" Naoko ripped the coat from her daughter to reveal what was underneath. The bottle blonde was in their PE uniform which consisted of red tights and white tee. The red tights looked like they had been painted on her skin and as for the top; the only way it was staying on her chest was that she had pulled the end underneath her breast. Her firmness was the only thing keeping her chest from being exposed. It was evident that she wasn't wearing a bra. In fact none of them were and the cold air in the gym was helping prove that.

"I wanted to wear the sports uniform for you Shin-chan but she beat me to it." Misato shouted at a horde of lust filled school boys began charging towards the group.

"Now… Now… Boys. You have to wait your turn. We have a little business to complete first then we can talk." Kyoko stopped and group of boys in their tracks by twirling around. It caused her skirt to fly up and allow the guys to catch a glimpse of the self declared perfect derriere. They all collapsed with bleeding noses.

"Fifty thousand yen! Do I have any more bidders on fifty thousand!" the announcer continued with auction. When no one answered he went to close the bid.

"Fifty thousand! Going once. Going twice. Going…"

"WAIT! Sixty thousand yen!" three people yelled out. It was Asuka, Mana and Kodama. The three groups had banded together after Misato and the other appeared. They had stolen their thunder by being the attention of the boys. At this stage, winning Shinji as a date was the furthest thing from their minds.

"Oh is that the way it's going to be!" Kyoko said stepping up the challenge from her daughter.

"ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND YEN!" she shouted and then stuck her hand out for Misato.

"Misato give me the money! I'm going to pay and get Shinji!" When nothing landed in her hand she started to get suspicious. "Misato!"

"Are you sure that theses are exactly modelled from my Shin-chan?" Misato asked a drooling Touji and Kensuke. The two stooges had been making their way through the crowd selling Shinji Ikari merchandise like a hotdog vendor would at a baseball game. The bookmaking side of things was a bit slow and they had to think up other way to generate cash flow. They were selling replicate Shinji lollipop which they say is atomically correct in size and mass. Shinji Ikari baby teeth were for sale, some napkins they claimed Shinji used at lunch time as well as other weird and wonderful things.

"Yeah… they are…" Touji answered absent minded as he was hypnotized by Misato's swaying chest.

"They just look like a bunch of Pocky sticks glued together." Misato eyed the so called Shinji's lollipop and was sceptical to say the least.

"Yeah… Pocky sticks… Shinji flavour…" Touji said as his drool begin to pool on the tray of Shinji products that he was carrying.

"Shin-chan flavour! I'll take five!" Misato snatched a handful of the sticks and began sucking on one.

"What are you doing!" Kyoko scolded Misato and dragged her away from the pair of young con-artist. "We don't have time for that! We just won Shinji. Now pay up!"

"You haven't won anything!" From behind Asuka crashed tackled her mother and Misato and a brawled ensued. It ranged from shouting matches to full on fist fights. The girls would argue and call each other names as they fought over who won the auction. The boys would be more physical as they competed to get to one of the older women posing as students.

"Please calm down!" The auctioneer said into the microphone. He was helpless as the fund raiser turned into a shambles. "Where's our hundred thousand yen!"

Shinji watched helplessly as Kyoko and Asuka had each other's hands around the other's throat. Misato stomping a mud hole in Touji and Kensuke for deceiving her about the Shinji replica lollipops. Hikari was doing her best to try and settle things down. Naoko was enjoying the moment as a group of boys fought for her attention. The free-for-all allowed Ritsuko to crawl allowed back to the change rooms to get back in her normal clothes.

Shinji could do nothing but watch but then remembered the panic button Rei had given him. Thinking that things couldn't get any worst, he pressed it and instantly the lights when out which caused a mixture of panic and confusion in the gymnasium. Seconds later they turned back on. The lights going out seem to quell the violence as everyone wondered what was going on.

"Oh my god! Shinji!" Hikari cried out as she was first to notice the young men being lifted up into the air. Everyone looked up and was mildly alarmed at this development.

"Baka! Get your skinny arse down here!" Asuka ordered.

"I can't! What's going on!" the boy replied almost scared. He was really high up in the air now and was at a stage that if he fell it could be fatal. But he didn't stop and continued to rise higher and higher until is was practically in the rafters.

"Hello sweetie. Did you have a nice trip?" Shinji looked around to find his mother in wading overalls, a flannelette shirt and a fishing hat with various fishing flies in it. She was holding a fishing rod which was used to hook her son and reel up into safety. The woman was standing in the rafters and watching everything unfold until it was time to intervene.

"What are you doing and why are you dressed like that?" he deadpanned while still dangling from the line of his mother's fishing rod.

"Do you like it? I'm a fisherman and it looks like I caught a whopper today!" she smiled at him which just caused him to sweat drop.

"I suggest that we leave now mother." Rei said while standing next Yui on the beam with a still unconscious Kaworu hanging from a rope by his feet.

"It looks like my little Rei wants to get home and mount her catch for the day." Yui joked which caused her to blush.

"The hell that's going to happen!" Shinji objected to his mother's suggestion that Rei and Kaworu were together. He began fighting while still hooked by the back of his shirt.

"Looks like I have a live one!" Yui was really getting into the role of the fisherman. "But my Shinji has an appointment with the fertility clinic first then we can talk about things."

"FERTILITY WHAT!"

"Rei get the landing net. We don't want to loose this biggie!" Yui ignored her son as she grabbed an oversize fishing net from Rei. She was just about to reach Shinji when he suddenly dropped a few inches. The boy looked up and saw that his shirt was stating to tear from the weight of being hooked.

"SHINJI!" Both Yui and Rei cried out as shirt finally gave way and he plummet back towards the stage. They stuck out their hands but they just missed each other as Yui's heart stopped as she saw the look in her son's eyes and realized what she and everyone had done.

END OF CHAPTER

PRE-READER'S NOTES  
"grovewolf" – your inane comments about the author's use of the English language is what brought on the delay for this chapter.

It was actually completed a while ago, but your review angered me to the point where I had to completely forget about the fact that I had to edit it.

How do you feel now?

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
First of all many thanks for the reviews last chapter, some were mixed but overall they told me that everyone wants to see the story be more school and the kids orientated which I will do. In later chapters I hope to go into more details about the fallout between Kawrou and Shinji.

I've decided on another cliff hanger (if you can call it that) because they are fun to write.

Once again thanks for reading and apologies for the delay in update. ATM, I've started watching Bleach and currently hooked.

PS – Don't mess with pre-readers :P


	18. Chapter 18

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 18

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

EMAIL  
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

CHAT  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
Yahoo – wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
AIM – wonga316  
Live journal – wonga316(dot)livejournal(dot)com

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa (yes, that fiend)

DATE POSTED  
20060826

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO THREE HOSPITAL – 19:09

"GET OFF ME!" Yui screamed. It didn't matter that her throat was beyond hoarse –there was only one thing that mattered to her at right now.

"Damn it Naoko! What are you doing!" Kyoko shouted at her friend as the both of them tried to restraint panic stricken mother from following Shinji into the operating theatre. Hospital staff and security wouldn't dare go near the out of control woman.

"I'll like to see you do a better job! I have the end that bites!" Naoko was wrestling with Yui front on while Kyoko had her arms around the waist and trying to pull her back.

The three mothers had tailed gated the ambulance that bussed Shinji to the nearest available hospital in the principle's car which they decided to borrow. The truth was that headmaster was willing to drive them to the hospital until Yui decided to take matters into her own hands. Before the man could even put the vehicle into gear Yui had ripped the driver side door off the body of the car and tossed him out like he was a rag doll. Kyoko and Naoko didn't have time to properly get in and had to jump onto the roof of the car while Yui broke ever traffic law on the books to follow the ambulance.

"I SAID GET OFF ME!" Yui gave one last tremendous shrug and flung her two friends and work mates from her body. Naoko and Kyoko went flying into the nearest wall. They impact leaving sizable damage to the wall.

"Yui… That's enough…" The moment the mother had rid herself of the only things stopping her from being from her son a hand came down on her shoulder and it was followed by a gentle voice.

"ARGH!" Acting on emotion and only the desire to be with her precious Shinji, she instinctively produced her favourite weapon in her right hand. She swung it with every ounce of strength she processed at the person preventing her from her goal. But to her surprise another hand came up and caught her on the wrist.

"It's okay Yui… Everything will be fine…" Gendo said to his wife as he held her by the wrist without hurting her.

"WAAAAA!" Suddenly the mother broke down into hysterical sobbing. Gendo just pulled his wife into his chest and let her cry.

"BAKA GENDO! Where the hell were you earlier!" Kyoko shouted at him while still lying on her neck up against the wall in an awkward position. "We could have used you about half an hour ago! Isn't that right Naoko?"

But no response came. She turned to her side to where Naoko should have been lying next to her but there was nothing except the dent in the wall she made and some pieces of plaster board littering the ground. There was a small blood trail which Kyoko followed with her eyes and it lead to her friend. Naoko was standing in front of a group of vending machine and busily filling her arms with an assortment of snacks and drinks.

"DUMB ASS! Do you every think of anything except for eating!" Kyoko complained to her friend as she stood back up onto her feet.

"Booo… They're all out of cherry cola…" Naoko whined like a child, completely ignoring her friend.

"You can cherry cola this!" Kyoko wanted to go over to her friend and smack some sense into her but her equilibrium was still in mess from the wall head butt. She stumbled backwards and would have hit the ground again if someone didn't catch her.

"Little steps Kyoko-san." Kaji said in his usual whimsical manner.

"Great… now we are getting help from the Baka brigade." She replied to the eternally unshaven man.

"Hey Uncle Fuyutsuki! Can have some more money! I want this one!" Naoko held one hand out while juggling her precious snacks and pointing to the appetising item in the vending machine.

"I don't have any money…" the older man rebuked and then sat down in one of the visitor chairs in the waiting room. His actions caused Naoko to pout and pull a childish face at him.

"Just for that I'm not going to warn you," Naoko said to him like a child on a tantrum.

"Warn me about what?" Kouzou said nonchalant as he picked up on of the magazines and started flicking through it. Then the faint sound of tires screeching and engine roaring start grew. The older man put the magazine down and concentrated on listening. The noise didn't go away instead they sounded like they were getting closer. And it was now apparent that it was an ordinary car engine being pushed past the rev limiter.

"Don't tell me…" Fuyutsuki looked over at the vending machine to where Naoko was but she was gone. The woman was already with Kyoko and Kaji on the other side of the waiting room. Naoko gave a cheeky wave good bye before the whole wall behind Fuyutsuki tumbled down as if a demolition wrecking ball was ploughing through a decayed building. But if wasn't a wrecking ball. Wrecking balls don't have high beam headlights, diesel engines and a sign saying 'Tokyo Three High School'

When debris and dust settled from the carnage, the driver of the school bus driver kicked the smashed but still in place front wind screen and leapt out.

"SHIN-CHAN! WHERE'S MY SHIN-CHAN!" Misato demanded scanning what was left of the waiting room and front of the hospital. It looked like she had taken a bump on the head from the collision form the small trickle of blood coming from her forehead but she showed no sign of stopping. She spotted Kyoko and immediately rushed up to her.

"WHERE IS HE! WHERE'S SHIN-CHAN!" Misato didn't give her a chance to answer before almost shaking her into unconsciousness.

"He's just been rushed into surgery Misato," Kaji explained as he approached and stopped her. Then just like Yui, Misato's eyes being to well up with tears and she collapsed crying into Kaji's chest.

"They really do act like mother and daughter…" Naoko observed the two crying woman as they each clung onto their man.

"Don't just stand stuffing your face! Come and help me!" the voice of her daughter Ritsuko caused Naoko to turn around. The Akagi daughter was struggling with the unconscious body of the headmaster trying to carry him off the bus wreckage.

"But I'm busy getting refreshments for the kids. I have all sorts of flavours. There's orange, passion fruit… " Naoko replied but her excuses just infuriated her only daughter. For some unknown reason the mother had known that Misato and others would come soon. She just didn't think they would commandeer one of the school's buses and ram-raid the front of the hospital.

"I don't care what flavours you have! Come and help me with this body!" Ritsuko shouted.

"Hey! It's not my fault that they ran out of cherry cola! So don't yell at me!" Naoko shouted back at her.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I DON'T GIVE STUFF ABOUT CHERRY COLA!" As the argument about soft drink flavours continued with Akagi daughter and mother. The remainder of the passengers were just coming around in the bus.

"Hey… is anyone dead?" Touji asked sounding like he had just been put through a washing machine on turbo wash.

"I don't know… Do dead people feel pain?" Kensuke asked from the underneath one of the seats.

"Baka stooges… shut up, my head hurts…" Asuka complained while pushing some debris that had fallen on top of her. "That crazy bitch Misato… doesn't she know how to park a bus?"

THREE HOURS LATER – 22:14

After the gang's grand entry onto the hospital, they had some what settled down and moved into a different section of the hospital away from the rumble. Gendo had used his power and influence (AKA a bribe) with the hospital's CEO to prevent any action from being taken against his family and their friends. So they set up in an extra room with makeshift chairs and some spare beds.

Kouzou had some how survived from being crushed by Misato's bus and walked away with only a few small cuts and bruises. But in some sort of poetic justice one of the vending machine damaged had fired a can of soft drink from its slot and nailed him right in the middle of the forehead. Right now he was nursing a bruise imprint of a ring pull soft drink can.

"That's karma for not listening to me…" Naoko said to him to just rub salt in the wounds.

"They are taking a long time in surgery," Kyoko noted while looking at the clock on the wall. She had be treated and cleared by the nurses from any serious injuries.

"Well… Old man Ikari managed to fly in the best surgeon in the area after we heard about what happen," Kaji said to her while offering a hot cup of coffee.

"He did?" Kyoko sounded surprised.

"Well contrary to popular belief, he does love and care about his family. We were in lock up for the registry office thing when we over what was happening over the police scanners. As soon as that happened he pulled all the string and sprung us free," Kaji explained as he watched Misato sleep while resting her head on Yui's lap.

"I see… Hang on, if he has that much pull while didn't you guys get out sooner?"

"What? And pass up a chance for free food and roof over our heads for a couple of nights away from you guys? Did you forget that Ikari's house is in ruins? He can handle Yui, Rei and Misato on his own but with you and Naoko around that's a little too much for him. There's only one person I know that can handle all of you and still keep his sanity intact," the scruffy man said, hinting that Shinji was that person without naming him.

"Heh… And here I was thinking that the Baka brigade were useless," Kyoko said smiling. She didn't try to hide the fact that she was a little impressed by the trio's forthright thinking.

"Kaji…" The pair's little conversation was interrupted by someone. "Can you and Kyoko take the kids home? I'll stay with Yui until the surgery is finished."

Gendo had returned from where ever he was with a pile of blankets. He proceeded to drape them over his sleeping wife and girls who had fallen asleep from exhaustion. Yui was fallen asleep sitting up with Rei and Misato using each of her legs as a pillow. Shinji's other friends had occupied other chairs and beds. It had been a long day and taken its toll on the younger generation.

"Sure… But Rei's not going to be happy in the morning." Kaji had picked up the still unconscious Kaworu Nagisa would had been bounded and gagged by Rei who was lying on the floor next to her.

"Leave that boy… I plan to have a little chat with him…" Gendo didn't exactly order Kaji nor was it a threat to stop but his voice hinted that the conversation wasn't going to a friendly chat. The father was showing his parental instinct for his only daughter and her relationship with this lad.

"O…kay…" Kaji said backing away slowly.

"No… we're staying…" Asuka said sitting up from the bed she occupied. They didn't know how long she had been awake or how much she had heard. "We're staying and that's final."

"Come on Asuka… worrying ourselves sick isn't going to help Shinji. We can all come back first thing in the morning tomorrow," Kyoko tried to reason with her daughter.

"Please let us stay…" Mana was next to speak up. "We all feel responsible for what happen to Shinji. We want to be here for him. If it was us hurt, I know that Shinji-kun wouldn't leave us alone."

"But he won't be alone. We'll still be here. And I promise to call you all the moment we hear something," Gendo said showing a sympathetic and caring side for a change.

"Sorry Mr. Ikari… Like Asuka says, we are the three stooges… It's not right that we abandon one of our own." Touji weighed into the conversation which Kensuke followed up with an affirmative nodded.

"Mana is right… We are all to blame for what happen to Ikari-kun," Kodama said with still a sleeping Hikari resting her head on her shoulder. "If only we didn't make up that plan to pool our money together… None of this would have happened…"

"No…" The word was said with definition and authority. Everyone turned around to see that Yui had awoken.

"This is all my fault… No one else is blame…" Her head was still tilted back against the wall so she was staring up at the ceiling. She slowly moved her had up in front of her face. "It was by my hands that I did this… It was my hands that caused Shinji pain… I'm suppose to protect him from pain, I'm suppose to protect him from everything… what sort of mother does this to their own son… I'm not fit to be a mother…"

It was normally now that she would try to commit self suicide in order to gain some sort of self respect again but she wouldn't. Instead the shadow of her hand began to get blurry as the tears threaten to spill again. Then Gendo's hand came over took hold of hers

"This was an accident… No one here is to blame for what happen and you should have more faith in Shinji. It's going to take more than a fall from that height to take his life and I know that everything will be fine because he is my son and has never disappointed anyone in his whole life," the Ikari patriarch then spoke directly to Yui.

"Shinji would never blame you for anything. You are his mother and he is your son. Nothing more needs to be said."

"Well I'll be… I always thought Shinji got his heart from Yui… I guess father and son have more in common than we thought…" Kyoko amused over Gendo's passionate little speech.

"WAAAAAA!" everyone turned around to see Naoko in tears.

"Jeez… put a sock in it… you were always the first to cry in sob movies." Kyoko told her friend who she thought had been moved the impassioned dialogue within the group.

"It's not that… sniff… sniff… I've run out of snacks…" Naoko replied still crying and everyone face faulted.

"She's not my mother… I was swapped at birth… hospital administration mistake… that's what it was." Ritsuko hid her face in her hands. While everyone recovered from the anti climatic response from Naoko, Rei had sat straight up and then stood on her feet.

"Rei? What is it sweetie?" Yui asked her daughter.

"Shinji's doctor approaches." She answered and exactly three seconds later there was a gentle knock on the door. Gendo was closest to the door and standing so naturally he went to open it but before he could grip the handle he was run over by a stampede headed by Yui.

"DOCTOR! HOW'S MY BABY!" Yui swung the door open and demanded from the man. Everyone else had formed a queue behind her and used Gendo has a door mat.

"Why… after everything I've done… why do I still get this treatment…" he pleaded with God as he felt the weight of numerous people on his back and limbs.

"Please calm down… He's out of surgery and in recovery. If you all calm down I can show you the way."

"SHOW ME NOW!" Yui growl as she pulled the doctor down to her level and slammed her forehead into his, the reflective, depressed woman from moments ago was gone. She was now like a lioness that had one of her clubs taken away from her and she wasn't going to take any excuses from anyone.

"Yes ma'am!" The doctor whimpered in fear.

"I SAID MOVE!" Yui picked up the man by the front of the shirt with one arm and hurled him down the hallway like he was a javelin except he didn't have the same aerodynamics and skimmed across the floor like a smooth rock across a pond surface.

"DON'T WORRY SHINJI! MUMMY'S COMING!" She yelled before barrelling after the doctor down the hallway.

"Isn't it that way?" Fuyutsuki mused while pointing in the opposite direction to where the distressed mother was heading.

"INCOMING!" Kyoko warned everyone before hitting the deck. Everyone else followed suit except for Gendo who had just recovered from being trampled upon.

"That ungrateful woman…" Then he noticed everyone on the floor in the duck and cover position. "What are you people doing?"

WHACK

The doctor had returned a million miles an hour and made directly hit the CEO of NERV. The momentum and power of Yui's return throw send both men into the right direction with the air rushing pass everyone in tremendous speed.

"She can't be that depressed if she still has an arm like that…" Ritsuko said from the floor.

SHINJI DREAMSCAPE – FLASHBACK.

"BAKA SHINJI! BAKA SHINJI!" An eight year old Asuka screamed on the top of her lungs as she pounded her hands against Shinji's bedroom door. The two had planned on meeting everyone at the local park this morning and they were already running late.

"Wait! I'm still getting dressed." Shinji told her while struggling with a pair of shorts but Asuka had waited long enough and kicked open his door and caught him with his pants down.

"HAHAHA! Baka Shinji has dinosaur undies!" The eight year old girl laughed and pointed at her friend.

"Asuka!" the voice from Kyoko made her stop laughing at the boy's expense. She had appeared behind without her noticing along with Rei all dressed and ready for the morning trip to the park. "How many times have I told you that if you are not nice to little Shinji then he'll find another girlfriend."

"No way! Shinji is mine!" The young red head raced over to the boy who was still struggling to put his shorts on and yanked him into a playfully headlock.

"I don't think young Misato would have like to hear that Asuka-chan." Yui said walking into her son's bedroom to help him get dressed. "And you my little man… you have to learn how to dress yourself or are you just doing this because you want your mummy to help you." Yui couldn't resist herself and pulled her favourite male into a big hug.

"I can… It's just that Asuka is too noisy. I can't think," Shinji replied while trying to get out of his mother's arms.

"I'm not noisy. You're just too slow!" Asuka countered.

"That's enough now… Let's go to park now." Yui stopped another fight from occurring the hurried everyone along.

THE LOCAL PARK

As the Ikari and Sohryu clans pulled in to the car park, they could already see that Touji, Kensuke and Kaworu had arrived and were kicking a soccer ball amongst themselves. Hikari and Mana were close by swinging on the swing set and laughing aloud. Their parents were over near a big tree all gathered around Touji's new sister Mari who was only a few weeks old.

"Okay you kids play nice. We'll going to say hello to Touji's little sister." As Yui looked towards the back seat she found that Asuka had already dragged Shinji out of the car and Rei was already climbing out with Pen-pen on a leash.

"That's not how you kick a soccer ball you stooge!" Asuka greeted the trio kicking the ball around.

"Like you know how to play. This is man's game why don't you go play with your dolls or something?" A young Touji fired back.

"What did you say?" Touji's comment had angered the fiery girl.

"Shinji!" they were interrupted by someone calling Shinji's name and then wrapping his arms around his neck in a hug.

"You're late again. Was Asuka picking on you again?" Mana asked him while still hugging him. She and Hikari had noticed that arrival the late comers and gotten off the swing set.

"Get off him! Did I say you could do that!" Asuka shouted at Mana, her attention had been taken away from Touji.

"I don't have to ask you who I can hug so shut up." Mana's comment caused Asuka to grab her hair and start pulling which in turn caused Mana to latch onto Asuka's red locks.

"Please stop fighting!" Hikari pleaded with her two friends as they showed no sign of letting up. Rei remain indifferent to the fighting pair as she was contempt with just walking Pen-pen around on his custom made leash.

"Come on Shinji…" Kaworu had grabbed Shinji by the wrist and pulled him away from the brawling girls.

"Thanks Kaworu. You always know what to do." Shinji thanked his friend who just smiled back at him. Quartet of four best friends walked away from the girls to start to kick the ball between then always from the feuding girls.

"Get ready Shinji! Here comes a big one!" Touji wind up and delivered the hardest boot he could and it went sailing over Shinji's head and into the bushes.

"Sorry! I'll get it." Touji realised that he had put too much in that last kick and went to get the ball but Shinji stopped him and went straight into the bushes to search for it. As her pull aside a few stray branches a cat jumped out in front of him. It scared the living daylights from the eight year and caused him to scream aloud.

"Shinji!" His three friends heard his cry and went into the bushes to investigate.

"Sorry… the cat just jumped out of the bushes…" He said to his friend feeling a little embarrassed that he had yelped like a little girl. The stray feline hissed at the four boys before taking off in the opposite direction.

"Shinji!" Moments after the cat had fled the scene. The girls appeared. Shinji's cry caused them to stop fighting and instantly see what was going on. The boy sheepishly explained what happen and it caused a light chuckle from Asuka and Mana. Rei was immediately on the defensive and quickly grabbed her brother arm to reassure him that everything was okay. When she did this Pen-pen was given enough slack to venture into the shrub where the cat jumped out from.

"Wark! Wark!" The penguin called out to everyone. They went to see what he had found.

"Ewww… I don't wanna see that!" Hikari quickly shied her eyes away from what Pen-pen had discovered. It was the body of a small bird. Its wings were badly mangled numerous feathers missing. It was apparent that the cat was an abandoned stray and caught the defenceless bird as a meal.

"Wait. It's not dead." Shinji said as he was the first one to knee down next to it, he noticed it's shallow breathing as well as its eye move in his direction.

"Don't touch it Shinji! It may have germs!" Mana warned him. The sight of the injured bird didn't put her off like Hikari but handling a creature was a different story.

"But we have to help him!" Without thinking Shinji pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and carefully wrapped it around the bird.

"I'm going to get dad. He'll know what to do," Touji told everyone and then ran off to get his father. Kensuke followed him, leaving just Shinji, Kaworu and the girls.

"Put it back down Shinji. We have to kill it," Kaworu said and his words shocked everyone around.

"WHAT! What do you mean!" Shinji half shouted.

"Sometimes my mum gets birds like this in her hospital." Kaworu mother's worked at the local veterinary clinic and sometimes he would help out. He didn't know that it was a veterinary clinic so he just called it a hospital. "We can't help them and they are in a lot pain so it's better that we make them sleep. That's what she tells me."

"Who said that that you were the boss?" Asuka asked the silver haired boy. She like the other strongly disagreed with Kaworu's idea but at the same time didn't want to sound sympathetic to the animal.

"I know what I'm doing. I help my mum out all the time." Kaworu reached down and picked up a large stick from the ground.

"No! Your mum's wrong and you're wrong! You can't kill him!" Shinji strongly voiced his objection.

"Let's wait for Touji's dad to get here." Hikari offered another possibility.

"We can't. The longer we wait, the more it hurts." Kaworu said and then notice Shinji look in the direction Touji and Kensuke ran off for any sign of an adult. Kaworu took his chance and quickly snatched the bird from Shinji's hands. Then just as quickly but gently he placed down on the ground and stuck it as hard as he could with the stick in his other hand. The noise was sickening and all that remained was lifeless lump covered in a bloody handkerchief. There were a couple of screams from the girls and even Asuka looked away.

"NO! WHY! DID YOU DO THAT!" Shinji screamed at his friend in disbelief and anger.

"I'm sorry but…" before he could finish Kaworu was tackled to the ground and had received a hard blow to the side of the face.

"YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED HIM!" Kaworu quickly realised that it was Shinji on top of him swinging his little fist has hard as he could at him.

"Shinji stop!" Asuka went to pull off the boy but she was easily shrugged away and she landed heavily on the ground. The other girls tried to get Shinji off Kaworu but it wasn't any good.

TOKYO THREE HOSPITAL – 22:29

"SHINJI!" The door to his room swung open with enough force that it almost came off its hinges. Yui headed straight to his son's side, grabbed his hand and began calling his name. She was in such a rush that she didn't notice that one of her son's legs was immobilised in a cast and suspended off the bed.

"Miss! Please keep it down. He's still under the effects of the anaesthetic from the surgery and we have other patients to consider," the attending nurse pleaded with Yui but it was no use.

"Don't worry. In any case I think you have another two patients in the hallway." Kaji reassured the young nurse with a hand on the shoulder. He then pointed to the Gendo and the doctor lying outside the doorway, both of them seeing stars.

"My God, Doctor!" The nurse gasped and went to see what had happen.

"Shinji! Wake up! It's Mummy! Say something!" Her voice was getting more and frantic when he didn't answer.

"Brother is currently asleep mother," Rei informed her distressed mother.

"Are you sure? He might be in a coma… AHHH!" She had just talked herself into hysteria and began pressing the assistance buzzer. "GET EVERYONE DOWN HERE! WE HAVE A CODE BLUE! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!"

"Rei's right… it's obvious you didn't heard the nurse. Shinji's still under the anaesthetic." Ritsuko followed up and then pickup the patient chart board from the foot of Shinji's bed.

"You're no doctor! I want a second opinion! CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!" She began clicking the help button like it was in rapid fire mode.

WHACK

"… Shinji… Fluffy… Pachinko Parlour…" Yui muttered incoherently before hitting the floor with a massive lump on the back of her head from a swiftly delivered steel bed pan Naoko clobbered her with.

"Thank you… It's about time you did something useful," Ritsuko acknowledged her mother's actions as a modicum of help in the moment and then continued reading Shinji's chart.

"What does it say Akagi-san?" Hikari asked as she waited anxiously like the rest of Shinji's friends.

"A broken leg." She analysed his chart as if the other couldn't have guess from the state that his leg was plastered and immobilised.

"Hang on, there some more in the notes section … Minor swelling of the brain. Causes are yet unknown. Continue to monitor patient's condition for any dramatic psychological changes in behaviour."

At that moment everyone in the room held there breathe as it was looking like the worst could be happening.

"CAUSES YET UNKNOWN! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN!" Yui had recovered from her bedpan induced blackout and wanted answers to her son's condition.

WHACK

"Shinji… Bubblegum… Hello Kitty pencil case…" After another few incomprehensible words, the mother hit the floor again.

"Damn… she really has a hard head." Naoko mused as she inspected the badly misshapen bed pan.

"Hey! You said it was my turn to hit her!" Kyoko quickly grabbed the bedside item and proceeded to clobber her friend but stopped when she noticed Misato began undressing. She was already down to her underwear. Kaji and the two remaining stooges quickly shoved Naoko and Kyoko out of the way to get an unobstructed view of the strip show.

"Don't worry Shin-chan! Your Misato will fix everything!" The purple haired woman said to the still sleeping boy as she reached around her back to unclip her bra.

"HENTAI! WHAT THE HELL DOYOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Asuka demanded and grabbed the woman by the wrist stopping her from getting any further, much to the disappointment of the perverted peanut gallery.

"I saw this show on TV once. These people on an airplane had crashed on a mountain and it was really cold. They had to snuggle until help arrived." Misato stated plainly.

"That's hypothermia you twit!" Ritsuko cursed her friend.

"You're silly Ritsu-chan… Shinji has a broken leg not hypothermia." Misato replied causing her blonde friend to bang her head against Shinji's medical chart.

"I can help keep Shinji warm!" Kodama shouted and quickly pushed her way through to be next to him, much to the shock of her younger sister Hikari.

"Okay! You take the left side and I'll be on the right." Misato had thought her plan out carefully. She normally wouldn't have allowed anyone else to get close to her Shin-chan but the situation called for drastic measures. Before Misato and Kodama could jump into Shinji's bed, the voice of reason spoke up.

"Let's just take a step back for a moment." Ritsuko suggested to everyone. "Shinji's chart says that he has some minor swelling of the brain. The both of you getting into bed with him may make things worst."

Ritsuko was completely talking out of her ass. She knew that sharing body warmth had no medical benefits or detriment to the treatment of a head or brain injury. She just hoped that Misato and the other brought her excuse but fate had other ideas.

"I know what you are trying to do!" Misato pointed an accusing finger at her. "You just want to keep my Shin-chan's lolly-pop all to yourself."

"Go Ritsu! That's my little girl! Snag that man!" Naoko encouraged her daughter.

"You have completely lost it! All of you have. First of all, there is no way in the world that Shinji's … … …" She struggled to find the right word to describe his member. "… that Shinji's thing could be that proportional. And secondly, increasing his body temperature isn't going to help him heal any faster!"

"Sounds like crap to me." Misato turned to everyone else in the room. "What do you do guys think?"

"Ah huh." Everyone chorused joining in one the argument.

"It's completely useless trying to talk some sense into any of you!" Ritsuko sighed in frustration.

"Look… If you think that you're right about Shin-chan's lolly-pop why don't you have a look right now and prove me wrong." Misato dared her.

"That's disgusting. I'm not some kind of pervert!" Ritsuko rebuked.

"CHICKEN!" Misato tucked her hand under her arm pits and began flapping her wings like the farmyard animal. Her gesture was helped along with a few clucking sounds.

"Wait a minute here!" Naoko interrupted Misato's chicken portrayal. "As head of the Akagi family, it my duty to assume all responsibility and failure from my daughter. I'll check on her behalf." She spoke like a dignitary from a royal lineage.

Then in an instant change of character, she not so gently shoved her daughter out of the way and rubbed her hands with glee. She was particularly drooling from the mouth as her body tingled with anticipation of what was to come.

Everyone had gathered around the salivating woman. They too wanted the rumours confirmed and wanted to see the evidence with their own eyes.

"Oh baby! Come to mama!" Naoko carefully pulled back the blanket covering Shinji to reveal that his was just in a standard hospital gown.

"Damn it! I'll do it!" A hand came across and grabbed Naoko's wrist, stopping her from even touching the end of his gown. Everyone stopped to look who it was and was shock to see it was Ritsuko.

"Too bad Ritsu. You snooze, you loose." The mother told her daughter.

"I always knew that you liked my Shin-chan!" Misato added, now fully dressed much to the disappointment to the peanut gallery.

"This is not what all of you think! I'm the only one here capable of respecting Shinji's privacy. Who knows what any of you would do to him?" She pointed her accusation at the majority of the females in the group.

"Some one must have itch that they really want to scratch…" Kaji sneaked in with a smart remarked which went undetected.

"Fine! Is everyone ready!" Ritsuko asked while taking a hold on the bottom of Shinji's gown. People jostled and pushed to get a better view.

"I'm really sorry about this Shinji…" She whispered to the unconscious boy as a wave of guilt washed over her but what else could she do to keep the monkeys under control.

To add to the anticipation and suspense, Ritsuko slowly pulled the material up towards Shinji's head. She was already past his knee and up to the middle of his thigh. Everyone had there eyes glued onto Shinji's groin area waiting for the truth to be revealed.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY? BAKA HENTAI!" Yui had jumped back up with moments to spare and began screaming like a mad woman. She scared the crap out of everyone and took nearly ten years from each of them.

"YOU!" She snarled at Ritsuko who was holding onto Shinji's gown and too shocked to do anything else. "I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU! NOW YOU DIE!"

The deranged mother produced one of her trademark wooden spoon and brought it above her head with every intention to destroy everything in her line of sight.

WHACK

"Shinji… Fairy floss… Red bean paste…" A third and final blow with the now mangled steel bed pan send Yui to the floor again muttering nonsense.

"Oh man… that was so worth it…" Kyoko said happily as she threw her weapon away and stared down at Yui's body. The other mother had finally had a chance to inflict cranial trauma on her friend.

"Come on! Hurry up before she wakes again!' Asuka hurried Ritsuko along. She wouldn't directly admit it but she was just as curiosity as the other to see if what Misato said was true.

"You don't still…" Ritsuko thought that the brief interruption by Yui and Kyoko was enough to sway the group from continuing on.

"JUST HURRY UP!" The girls shouted at her in unison.

"FINE! You want to see so badly!" Ritsuko gritted her teeth and went to reef the thin piece of material keeping everyone away from the grand prize.

"What are you doing?" Four words simple words stopped time right then. The hands on the clock of the wall stopped moving and wind swaying the trees outside the window ceased to exist. Everyone looked towards the head of the bed from where the words came from and found that someone had woken up.

"What are you doing?" Shinji asked again sounding tired and groggy.

"AHHHHHH!" Everyone screamed since they knew they had been caught in the act.

END OF CHAPTER

PROOF READER'S NOTES  
This was delayed AGAIN by Groovewolf's inane comments. You did not help with the motivation of the writer, you only drained the motivation of the editor.

And that is why it's taken a while for this to be posted.

AUTHOR NOTES  
Another chapter completed. I talked it over with Lord Raa and Wickerman, and came to the conclusion that some deep and meaning bits would be good. As well as some Gendo air time to show is humane sign. But we can't have him being a hero so natural Yui and the others have to put him back in his place.

A big thank you for all the reviews. I never expected that this fic would be as popular with readers. And thanks to Lord Raa and Wickerman for putting up with my crap.

I've created a live journal - wonga316(dot)livejournal(dot)com. This will give me a medium to communicate with reviewers to answer questions and such. Plus I can give everyone update status and perhaps some previews for up coming chapters.

Next chapter has a few plots twist so stay tuned. I like to think there's more than random sht happening here. While posting this chapter I had already completed chapter 19 and it's in pre reading stage.

Thanks for reading, Wonga316

P.S. Some say he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves all we know is, he's called Lord Raa.


	19. Chapter 19

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 19

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

CONTACT  
Email - wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
MSN Chat - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
Yahoo Chat– wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
AIM Chat– wonga316  
LiveJournal – wonga316.livejournal(dot)com(dot)au

PROOF READING  
Lord Raa (Some say that he only mastered the English language last week, all we know he's called Lord Raa)

DATE POSTED  
20060911

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO THREE HOSPITAL

"What are you doing? Who are all of you?" Shinji asked in a mixture of fright and confusion while his nether regions were still exposed for all of them to see. His words caused the whole room to erupt into mayhem.

Some began screaming that the fact they were caught red handed taking a peak at his crowd jewels. Kaji and Fuyutsuki had retreated to the corner of the room. They laughed so hard their sides began to hurt. Others began jabbering off excuses a million miles an hour which didn't make any sense at all. But all the chaos and mayhem would end with a single call.

"SHUT UP!" Yui wailed on the top of her lungs. The mother had quickly recovered from her third knock out blow when she somehow heard her son's voice. Everyone instantly stopped what they were doing and remained very still. They had learnt when Yui was like this the best course of action was to stay as still as possible. The mother's emotional unstableness made even more unpredictable than usual and she had a tendency to strike at anything had moved.

"Why are you all yelling for!" the door to Shinji's room opened and in walked Gendo nursing a ice pack on the top of his head. He had finished getting his wounds treated after being trampled upon by the crowd that was his family and friends.

"BAKA!" Before his brain had time to register his commonly called nickname, a wooden spoon came hurdling towards his head like a bullet. It smacked him right between the eyes and he fell backward onto the floor with a dull thud.

"Shinji! It's Mummy! Mummy's here! Everything is going to be okay!" After dealing with the distraction, Yui grabbed his son in a fierce hug, reassuring him that everything was going to okay. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed as they knew Gendo's interruption had allowed Yui to vent some random violence.

"Did you see her move that time?" Naoko asked Kyoko if her friend that caught Yui's throwing action.

"Nah… I thought that old age would have slowed her down but I guess…" Before Kyoko could finish she was hit with a wooden spoon herself. The projectile was thrown with much greater force than before and hit her right in the mid section. Asuka's mother went flying backwards and into the wall backside first.

"Ah… Lady? Who are you?" Shinji asked pushing Yui off him. He was startled by the two black eyes and growing lump of her head from the steel bed pan whacks.

"What do you mean!" Yui asked sounded really concern. "I'm your mother!"

"My mother… but my mother is dead. She died when I was only a baby." He told her. His words were too much for the mother who stumbled backward away from the bed and then fainted.

"I think you killed her Shinji…" Naoko amused as she prodded the unconscious mother with her foot.

"WELL DONE MY BOY!" everyone turned back towards the door where the shouting came from. It was Gendo being helped into a wheel chair by a couple of nurses after his meeting with Yui's wooden spoon.

"We have to show these women who's the boss!" Gendo spoke with a slur and had trouble balancing on his own but still tried to resist the help from the nurses. But he had celebrated a little too early.

"WHO'S THE BOSS!" Like a flash Yui was on top of her husband with each of her hands wielding her favourite weapon, she began laying into him like there was no tomorrow.

"GO! KICK HIS ASS!"

"HIT HIM! HIT HIM AGAIN!"

"OOOHHH YEAH! BRING ON THE PAIN!"

Spurred on by Gendo's sexist remark, all the girls gathered around domestic disturbance like it was an underground bare knuckle fist fight. They formed the circle death and there was no escape for Gendo. The two nurses were also shouting for Yui as they took offensive to the man's comment.

"HEY! Get me out of here! I want see! HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING!" Kyoko Sohryu was still logged in the wall and missing out on the fighting. She wasn't shy about showing it. Through brute strength and stubbornness she ripped herself out of the wall but a section of dry wall had formed a makeshift ring around her butt. Even with this handicap she managed to waddle her way to ring to catch the blood bath.

"Watch it!" Naoko snapped at her friend when a sharp edge from the wall brushed against her leg. Didn't know it was Kyoko until she looked and then began laughing

"HAHAHA! Your fat ass is still stuck in the wall!" she shouted and pointed hysterically.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" A fight ensued in the crowd.

"Asuka? Should you help your mother?" Hikari asked as she watched the fight unfold.

"I'm with Shinji on this one… My mother died long ago…" The girl answered nonchalant but this was just a façade as she looked back at Shinji. Her thought were solely on the boy's welfare and condition. She looked back to see Shinji's doctor had entered the room and then shut the door behind.

"HEY! What are you doing with Shinji!" Asuka demanded. The boy's named caused everyone to remember why they were at the hospital. Yui threw away her blood covered spoons and when to see what was happening. In her hast, she collided with Naoko and Kyoko who were still in the middle of their melee. All three went flying into the closed door and ended up on the floor with stars in their eyes.

30 MINUTES LATER

"What's taking so long?" Touji complained as he looked at his watch again. Everyone waited in the hallway just outside Shinji's room for the doctor to finish his examination. Yui was still out and currently being used a cushion by Naoko and Kyoko who had got sick of standing around.

The nurses became nurses again and quickly wheeled Gendo away. A cleaner was hanging around mopping up the blood pools and spatter.

"How come I get the lumpy end?" Naoko whined as she adjusted herself on top of Yui's legs to try and get comfortable.

"Stop your bitching. I have the end that bites." Kyoko pointed to Yui's head. She was sitting in the middle of the woman's back as far from the sharp teeth as possible.

"Both of you shut up." Asuka told them. The two mothers looked at each other and then smiled.

"Awww… is my precious little Asuka cranky because she misses her Shin-chan?" Kyoko teased her daughter which Asuka ignored much their surprise. Then Kyoko noticed the serious look in Asuka's eyes.

"Is everything a big joke to you?" Asuka asked the both of them in a deadly serious tone.

"Lighten up. We're only trying to relax everyone. There no point worrying your self sick, it's not going to help Shinji." Her mother replied with a valid point.

"Yeah… that's right…" Asuka laughed sarcastically.

"Let's all have a giggle while Shinji is lying in there, God knows what's wrong!" Her laughs quickly turned into shouts of anger.

"Hey… listen to me… Shinji is going to be okay. Nothing is going to happen to him." Kyoko realised that things were serious now and quickly went over to her daughter but she just pushed her away.

"Didn't you hear what the chart said! There's something up with his brain! What if it's serious! And all you can do is act like idiots!" Kyoko persisted with trying to wrap her arms around the distressed girl.

Asuka's words confirmed everyone's thoughts and what they feared. Kyoko wasn't having much luck and it wasn't helped by someone grabbing the back of Asuka's school uniform.

SLAP

The young redhead was whipped around and before she realised what was happening an open hand connected with her cheek.

"Don't you ever… EVER… say anything like that again." The hand and voice belonged to Misato. The woman had watched Asuka's outburst and at first put it down as emotions but her last line had Misato snap.

"I don't give a crap what some stupid chart says or what some doctor thinks. It's going to take more than a little piss-ant fall from a height like that to break my Shin-chan!" The older woman reached over and pulled Asuka up to her face.

"After all the times we have fought over Shinji, you better than anyone else shouldn't be told that! So don't give me this cry baby shit because… because… because… IT JUST PISSES ME OFF HOW SHINJI COULD HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE DOESN'T EVEN BELIEVE IN HIM!"

There was a long pause after Misato had finished. It was a tense moment and everyone feared that Asuka would retaliate in her usually manner which would most definitely cause a scene. But the girl disappointed everyone. She slapped away Misato's hand and dropped back to the ground.

"Your Shin-chan? Yeah right…" Asuka hissed which caused a Misato to grin. The two women always had a strange relationship and now was a perfect example of it.

"Thank God for that…" Hikari breathed a sigh of relief and then turned to the whole group. "I think I might get some drinks. Would anyone one like anything while I'm gone?"

"OH! ME! ME!" Naoko said a little too enthusiastically for a full grown woman. There was no end to her massive appetite. She reached into her pockets for some spare change and realised something was astray.

"That's weird… I would have sworn that I was sitting on…" As she was talking she looked down to find that her human cushion, Yui Ikari, was gone.

"Ahhh! She's gone." She let out a small shriek which got everyone's attention. They all then realised that the door to Shinji's room was now open. The group scrambled for the door, all fearing what the hysterical mother could do in her state.

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" Yui yelled at the poor doctor who was slowly turning blue from her choking. The mother had somehow managed to sneak away from everyone while they were watch Asuka's little display with Misato. Slipping away from underneath a person's weight was an easy task when that said person was Naoko Akagi.

Everyone jumped on top of the woman and tried to pry her hands away from the throat of the doctor but it was more difficult than first thought. Yui's super human strength was on full display.

"Please stop this." Shinji spoke up to the melee happening at the foot of his bed. His voice made everyone stop and look his way.

"Ah…" Now the centre of attention he was a little embarrassed. "Ah… If you keep doing that you'll only get into trouble."

"SHINJI!" Yui screamed her son's name and threw everyone off her back like a wet dog would shake off water from its coat. She jumped and wrapped her arms around his waist, then proceeded to cry her eyes out.

"Are all right doctor?" Ritsuko offered the man a hand up from the ground. She knew better than to try like the other to pull Yui away.

"I'm fine. Thank you." He gasped between breathes as he accepted her offered and gave her a warm smile which didn't go unnoticed by her mother.

"What are you waiting for!" She whispered to her not too subtly. "Get his phone number!"

"Get away from me." She brushed her mother away.

"What's wrong with you!" Naoko said aloud for everyone to hear including the doctor. The mother and daughter had become the focus of attention now.

"He's a perfectly fine young man. He has a steady job. Good income." Naoko began circling the young doctor like a shark would a stray swimmer. She checked his hand for any sign of a wedding band.

"Single." Mother Akagi grabbed his hand and thrust at her daughter.

"Actually, I have…" The doctor tried to interject but was cut off.

"Shut up! I'm talking!" She closed him down quickly, not caring what he had to say.

"He's needs a little discipline training but what man doesn't?" She was now behind him and proceeded to grope his backside.

"Not a bad butt. Could do with a little work. How's the weaponry? Are you shooting blanks? You better not be. I want to be a grandmother." Before Naoko's hand could reach around the front to inspect his package the young man quickly got away.

"Are you insane!" Ritsuko confronted her mother and started tapping the side of Naoko's head. "You seriously need some professional help."

"I need help?" Naoko rebuked. "I'm not the one knocking back a good man. I think you need the help… Wait… Don't tell me…"

All of the sudden the mother began to back away from her daughter.

"What the hell is wrong now?" Ritsuko asked, totally confused by her actions

"I just realised something… Are you gay?" She asked completely shocked that she was even asking such a question.

"WHAT!" Ritsuko exclaimed and immediately all the girls around her took two big steps away from her location.

"I'm not gay!" She reassured the group who continued to look on sceptical.

"What did I do to deserve this? I was a good mother. I tried to raise her the right way." Naoko poured her heart out for everyone to hear.

"Look! Can we just focus for a moment!" Ritsuko ignored her mother's pleas and aimed to bring some sensibility back to the room. She turned back to the doctor. "Can you please tell us what is wrong with Shinji? And make it quick, I don't know what else might happen next."

"Well…" The young doctor had to re-gather his thoughts. It wasn't everyday that you experience what the Ikari clan and co. were capable. "It appears that Shinji has a mild case of amnesia due to the slight swelling in his brain. The swelling is affecting the part of his brain that is responsible for his memories. As the swelling goes down his memory will eventually all return but it may come back in bits and pieces. At times he may experience a confusion of his short and long memories. It's important that you all try not to force him to remember too quickly. It may bring about stress which can delay the healing process."

There was a pause after the doctor spoke as everyone digested what they had been told.

"How is his leg, doctor?" Out of no where, Gendo Ikari appeared next to Shinji's doctor looking like a badly embalmed Egyptian mummy.

"Ahhh!" Everyone was startled by his sudden reappearance.

"He has a clean break in the lower bones of his leg, the fibula and tibia. It will heal normally without any complications. Considering what he been through, he is extremely lucky to just have these injuries. I have treated patients with more severe injuries who have suffered similar falls."

Everyone thanked the doctor and he quickly made his quickly his get away.

"Take it easy on the boy, Yui." Gendo's hand came on top of her shoulder. "We should listen to the doctor's advice."

The mother reluctantly pulled her self away from Shinji, wiping her tear stained face. It was a rare occasional that the woman listen to her husband and a show of marital harmony. Gendo remain calmed but inside he was celebrating like there was no tomorrow.

'Yeah… that's right women are always predictable…' He thought to himself. But the show of co operation wouldn't last long.

"But what if there is something they missed? He could have brain damage or something." Yui said worrisome.

"Brain damage?" Shinji asked as Yui's words caused him to worry.

"AHHH! My baby doesn't even know what brain damage is!" Yui misinterpreted Shinji and automatically leapt to the wrong and worst conclusion. "We need a new brain!"

The mother scanned the room with her predatorily eye until they landed on her target.

"Oh honey… Can you come here for a minute?" She said standing up slowly which caused Gendo to start backing away. Yui snapped her fingers, and then with the precision of a pack of lionesses in the African savannah, the three mothers' coordinated their attack and quickly surrounded the poor man.

"This is insane! You aren't being rational! FOR GOODNESS SAKE, THIS IS THE THIRD TIME TODAY!" Gendo shouted at his attackers but it only seem to provoke them. All three jumped and began ripping at his body. Bloody shreds of tattered clothes begin flying into the air.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Hikari asked concerned at the feeding frenzy happening before her eyes.

"Don't worry I've seen this on TV. Once they had their fed they quickly fall asleep under a big tree." Misato's answer made no sense at all but factually that's what lioness did after a big kill.

"You've been watching too much Discovery Channel again…" Ritsuko shook her head at her long time friend. The Discovery Channel was also where she had to idea to warm up Shinji's body with her own.

"But it's really good! You learn all sorts of stuff!" Misato replied and then suddenly remembered something from the educational programming. "There was this one about testing the human memory. I remember that they showed amnesia person things from their life to help them remember."

"That's actually a good idea coming from you." Ritsuko told her as she began to think up a plan. No one else in the room had the foresight or sense to do like wise. Unfortunately Misato had taken the things a little too literally.

"HEY SHIN-CHAN! Remember these!" Misato approached Shinji and ripped up her shirt, flashing her chest in all its glory.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Asuka had managed to find a walking crutch from somewhere and proceeded to swing it wildly at the flashing woman.

"GOD DAMN! THIS IS AWESOME!" Touji and Kaji chorus as they enjoyed the show.

"Hey! Akagi is looking at Misato! She really is gay!" Kensuke said. He didn't know what Ritsuko was doing at the time but his perverted stooge mind had always fantasized about the pair in bed getting all hot and bothered.

"I'M NOT GAY!" Ritsuko defended her heterosexuality again.

"AHHH! Ritsu! I don't swing that way!" Misato quickly covered up her assets from her eyes much to the disappointment to the men in the room.

"FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT GAY!" She was really starting to get sick of being the joke at the moment.

"Wait… I remember something… You're not gay…" Shinji spoke up. It was only softy but enough for everyone to stop what they were doing. Even the lionesses in the corner of the room with their prey looked up with blood stain muzzles. Somewhere along the line they forgot but the brain surgery.

"Did we kiss before?" Shinji asked pointed in Ritsuko's direction. Vague images of the blondes lips landing on his while at the hot springs race through his mind. Suddenly Ritsuko was the centre of attention.

"Awww… I didn't know Shinji-kun had a thing for old women…" Kodama Hikari pouted as her hopes for the twenty four hours servant time she supposedly won at the bachelor auction were quickly fleeting away.

"WHAT HELL RITSU!" Misato grabbed her friend by the front of her shirt and smacked her forehead against hers with the impact of two moose colliding. "You moving in on my turf!"

"God damn Ritsuko… If you ruin this opportunity with Shinji and my chance for grand children, I swear to God…" Naoko grabbed the blonde next and did the same as Misato.

"Will you stop filling Shinji's head with your crap!" Asuka was about to pounce on the group of arguing with her now broken crutch but was stopped by Hikari and Kodama.

"Hello Shinji." Mana used the opportunity to approach the confused boy. "My name is Mana Kirishima. We attend the same high together and have been long time childhood friends. In fact you could even say that we were…"

"I think that's enough for today." Mana was interrupted by someone pickup the back of her collar and hoisting her up into the air. Much to her surprise and Shinji it was Yui showing off her amazing strength. The demonstration was enough to make everyone take notice of the alpha female in the group.

"Let's give my baby some time to rest." She gently placed Mana back down on the ground.

"What the hell is this?" in Yui's other hand was a large piece of Gendo's skull cap. She inspected it for a moment and then tossed it away like it was nothing.

"We'll be going now Shinji." She said motherly while caressing his face. Yui made sure that there was no blood on her hand before she touched him. "We'll be back in the morning. You just get some rest and don't worry about anything else."

"Okay… I'm…" The boy wanted to say something but the words had difficultly coming out. "I'm sorry I can't remember much and that I said my mother had died. That must have really upset you."

"You have nothing to apologise for. None of this is your fault." She said to him while fixing his blankets. She had undergone a complete personality transformation. From the savage lioness performing savannah brain surgery on her husband, she was now the loving and devoted mother. Only Shinji could bring this out of her.

"Everyone say your goodbyes now," Yui told her troop. Shinji was bombarded with mass of good byes and get wells.

"That goes for you as well Misato-chan." Yui said while bending over and looking underneath the bed. The adopted daughter had decided that she would try and hide underneath Shinji's bed, when everyone would leave it would be the perfect opportunity to get some alone time with her favourite man.

"You can't blame a girl for trying." She giggled crawling out from under the bed. Misato then planted one of her patent wet kisses on Shinji's cheek.

"See ya later Shin-chan!" She waved to him and skipped out of the room. Some of the other followed her out.

"I can't believe you Ritsu-chan!" Naoko continued to complain to her daughter about her so-called lack of efforts in snagging a man.

"Give it a break! Do you just like the sound of your own voice? And why are you so anxious to become a grandmother?" Ritsuko fired back.

"The sound of your own voice is something you better get use to if you don't yourself a man soon! And I have to beat Yui. You know pissed off she would if I became a grandmother before her?" The mother and daughter pair continued to bicker and could be heard in the hall way.

"Let's go Asuka," Kyoko said to her while standing with Yui at the door. The three of them were last to leave. It was then that Shinji notice the young redhead had not moved from her spot. Her face was cast downwards so to hide her eyes and much of her facial expressions.

"Is there something wrong?" Shinji asked her unsure what he should be doing.

Asuka then approached the bed and took hold of his hand.

"You better not forget about me or I'll never forgive you," she whispered into his ear and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. She turned and ran out of the room before Shinji realised what had happen. The two remaining mother's look at each other and just smiled. They closed the door and Shinji now alone to finally get some rest. But that wasn't the case.

"Hey dad!" He whipped away the blankets and tried to get his cast out from the wire suspenders.

"Don't worry about me boy… The trick is to never scream. That way they are never fully satisfied." Gendo said sitting back up in an upright position, showing the full extend of his injuries from his third savaging today. It was amazing that he was even moving at all.

"Let me buzz the nurses. You need help." Shinji reached over to the emergency call button and pressed it. "May be this wasn't a good idea. Perhaps we should just tell them what we are trying to do."

"No way, boy," Gendo protested and tried to get up but slipped over some of his own blood and hit the floor quite heavily. "If they find out we decided to fake you amnesia, who knows what they could do? What they just did was a walk in the park."

"That's true… I just want them to act a little more responsible but is deceiving them the right way to go about it?" Shinji asked feeling guilty that he was faking an illness to teach his family and friends a lesson.

"How else would they get the message?" Gendo reasoned. Shinji then noticed that he was looking really pale now. "Hey Shinji… Are those nurses coming? Because I don't feel…"

Before Gendo could finish, he collapse backwards onto the floor again from massive blood lost.

OUTSIDE TOKYO THREE HOSPITAL

People in the street looked on in amazement as the school girl and her companion walked toward the public phone booth. What they were staring at was the sight of a warm water penguin waddling next to Rei Ikari and behind said Rei was Kaworu Nagisa being dragged along the pavement. He was still bound and hogged tied from the school auction.

"Come on Rei! It was nothing! It was just a little friendly competition between guys." Kaworu pleaded with her as his head hit the concrete again. Rei had learnt of Kawrou's bet with her brother at the bachelor auction and she was more than a little disappointed. His voice caused her to change direction and walk straight through a garden of roses.

"Oh for the love of God!" he wailed has the thorns began to shred his body. After the rose bed was a loose gravel drive way. There was a car entering the drive way and the driver allowed our pedestrians to pass first but the he failed to see Kaworu's bloody body being towed along the ground.

There was a sudden stop as he became a makeshift speed bump followed by a yelp. Rei gave to rope a few hard tugs and eventually the dead weight became free. She and Pen-pen continued their way. Eventually they reached the phone booth.

"Do you have any change?" Rei asked the penguin wanting to make a phone call.

"WARK!" he replied rather angrily (Do I look like a walking piggy bank! I'm a frigging bird! I don't wear pants! Where the hell am I going to put my wallet!)

"There is no need for that tone," Rei replied impassively as usual. She then remembered that she could reserve the charges. After dialling, the number the receiver accepted that cost of the call.

"It's me. I apologies for ringing at such an impropriate hour." She said into the phone.

(Rei! It's never a bad time when you call!) The voice of the other end of the conversation wasn't upset at all. In fact they were rather glad to hear her voice. (What can I do for you, honey?)

"We have a situation with brother. I think its best that you came for a visit."

"WARK!" Pen-pen exclaimed and gave Rei a subtle peck on the leg.

(Shinji? What happened! Is that Pen-pen in the background! Put him on) Rei handed the receiver to the family bird.

"Wark! Wark! Wark!" The bird began squawking a million miles an hour.

(Woah! Slow down a bit Pen-pen… Start from the beginning…) the person asked him and so Pen-pen began to recite everything that has happen.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR NOTES  
I added a couple of surprises with Shinji and Gendo plan about faking the amnesia and the mysterious person Rei and Pen-pen were talking to on the phone. Having random stuff occurring is all good and well but it does get a bit repetitive. Plus these two twists allow me to setup for the ending I have in mind.

Lord Raa finally passed his English high school exam this week so hopefully the grammar mistakes will be reduced from now on. It was his fourth attempt but no one is perfect :P


	20. Chapter 20

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 20

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

CONTACT  
Email - wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
Yahoo – wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
AIM – wonga316  
LiveJournal – wonga316(dot)livejournal(dot)com

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR / CATERING / STUNT DOUBLE  
TheWickerMan (Some say he has dreams about men with disco guns, all we know he's called TheWickerMan)

PROOF READER / EXECUTIVE PRODUCER / TEA LADY  
Lord Raa (Some say he invented the Roman orgy, all we know he's called Lord Raa)

DATE POSTED  
20061201

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO THREE HOSPITAL

After everyone had left and the nurses came to take his injured father for some much required treatment, Shinji tried to get some rest. But he found it difficult to shut his eyes even after everything he had been through today. The ordeals and drugs coursing through his body should have been more than enough to knock him out but the lad just stared up at the ceiling in the darkness. His eyes fixed on the air conditioning vent that circulated the air around his room.

"Am I doing the right thing?" He whispered to himself.

"Father said that this would be a good way to teach them all a lesson but I just don't like deceiving them." Shinji was still feeling guilty and having second thoughts about pretending to have amnesia. Unlike his father, the son's conscience was starting to weigh heavily on him.

"I think I better tell them in the morning. But if I do that, I know they are going to sacrifice him." He had quickly come to the conclusion that no matter what he did, someone was going to get hurt. If he told the truth, unmentionable physical pain beyond all human comprehension would be inflicted on Gendo. On the other hand the longer he played along with the charade; the girls would feel more emotionally betrayed.

"What am I doing to do?" he sighed. Then a familiar voice answered.

"I wish you had consulted me before proceeding with this course of action," the female voice said as the grate to the air conditioning duct began to move.

"Huh?!" Shinji said half startled. He didn't expect that anyone would be listening and knew that his deception was revealed.

"Rei?!" he asked in almost disbelief as his watched his sister crawl out of the ducting and glide down from a high tension cable suspended around her waist in a sophisticated hi-tech military harness.

"Quiet. She may have installed additional sensors that we may not know about," the twin told her brother. Rei stopped her abseiling just above Shinji's bed so they were at eye level with one another. She flicked on a lamp mounted on her head which shone directly into Shinji's eyes.

"Why did you do that?!" he exclaimed as the bright halogen didn't agree with his pupils. It was then he noticed what his sister was wearing. Underneath the harness suspending her from the ducting was a skin-tight black leather outfit which would rival the best cat girl cosplay contest at any Otaku convention. The only thing missing was the perky little ears and sensual tail extending from her lower back. A single zip ran down the front of the outfit which Rei had only done half way which helped her cleavage to no end and showed that she was developing into a well endowed woman

"Why are you wearing that?!" Shinji forgot everything as the much exposed skin of her sister was on display and quickly tried to zip the suit but it won't budge. Then with his own bed sheets he went to cover her up.

"You don't approve of this sneaking suit?" Rei enquired as she let her Shinji play the role of older brother for the moment.

"If you wear stuff like that you'll have perverts sneaking around you! Especially that bastard Nagisa," Shinji spat which caused Rei to blush slight but she quickly remembered why she was here.

Rei returned focus of the conversation. "Why didn't you tell me about your plan? I would have assisted if possible."

"Well…" Shinji stopped trying to conceal her sister and ran his hand through his hair.

"It all sort of happened really quickly. Father came to see me and…"

"Understood. This is all father's doing." Rei had interrupted him after what she deemed was enough information. She pulled out a thermometer quickly shoved it into Shinji's mouth.

"What are you doing" he mumbled with the glass implement under his tongue.

"I'm collecting data and samples as she requested." Rei answered flatly as she jabbed a needle into a vein in his to draw out some blood in test tubes.

"Who is she?" Shinji asked but Rei was too busy reading a checklist she was now holding.

"A semen sample…" She read aloud. The word semen coming from his sister almost caused Shinji to swallow the thermometer.

"Hmmm… do you require assistance in stimulating yourself or can you do this without help?" Rei asked her brother.

"WHAT?! How do you know that word?! Who taught you that?! I'll kill them! It's was Nagisa wasn't it?!" Shinji's shock was quickly replaced with anger and a strong instinct of protection. Naturally he blamed Kaworu for everything.

"I am not that naïve to such things brother. And please keep you voice to a minimum. We don't want to alert mother," Rei told him as a matter of fact.

"As soon as I'm out of this hospital I'm going to kick the crap out of that Nagisa!" Shinji disregarded Rei's warning and was still focused on inflicting grievous bodily harm on the person after her sister's affections.

"WARK!" The two siblings looked up towards the air conditioning duct where the interrupting squawk came from. On the other end of the cable that Rei used to suspend down from was the family pet bird Pen-pen. He wore a similar harness to Rei's except his was especially customised for his avian physique.

"WARK! WARK!" (Will you stop chatting?!!! I can't hold your fat arse up in the air forever!!!) The penguin was the anchor and counter weight for Rei. One would think it was strange choice to put your safety in the hands or in this case the flippers of a warm water bird. But Pen-pen process extraordinary strength for a bird his size, much like to Yui.

"What did Pen-pen say?" Shinji asked his sister.

"He wishes you a fast recovery," Rei flat out lied to him.

"WARK!!!" (The hell I wish that! Why doesn't he just grow a pair of balls instead of acting pussy whipped all the time?! You're pathetic excuse of a man and your actions are giving all of us a bad name! You have to take control of these women by force! Take me for example, when a woman is giving me lip or not listening I just…)

Before Pen-pen could finish his rambling, Rei gave the cable a sharp tug which brought the both of them crashing down. The girl ensured she use her arms and legs to prop herself up from landing on Shinji and possibly causing him any pain. Pen-pen on the other hand, had a much less graceful fall. He slammed into the floor beak first which caused a loud slap.

"Oh my God, Pen-pen…" Shinji showed concern for the bird that wasn't moving after his fall from the air conditioning vent.

"He is fine. You should not be concerned for his welfare," Rei reassured Shinji. Then the penguin peeled his face from the floor.

"Wark…" (That's it… Time for this penguin to open a fresh can of…) for the second time he was interrupted mid speech but this time it was the sound of blaring sirens and flashing lights.

"She installed pressure sensors…" Rei said aloud as quickly jump off Shinji's bed and ran to the window with Pen-pen being dragged along behind her. She flung the window open and as the cold night came rushing into the room she swung her leg over the edge. Before leaping for her escape she turned back to Shinji one more time.

"I wish you well on you mission brother. We have matters which we must attend to but I'll be monitoring your situation so you have nothing fear."

"Mission?! What the hell is going on!?" Shinji quickly placed his hands over his ears because of the alarms he barely heard a thing his sister said to him. Rei gave him a wink before disappearing off the window ledge. Pen-pen had no choice to follow her out but not before slamming his head against the window sill.

Next the door to the room was kicked off his hinges. Light from a hallway cast a shadow of a menacing figuring standing before Shinji. It resembled something human shape but processed burning eyes filled with anger and hatred.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Successive blasts from a shotgun rang out and all Shinji could do is hide under his bed sheets as he could literally feel the pellets from the buckshot fly over his head and embed into the wall behind him.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

More shots were fired and they seem to be aimed in random directions. It was at this point that Shinji was seriously starting to fear for his safety. Then all of the sudden the sirens and red alert lights all stopped and regular light to the room were turned on but Shinji remained underneath the sheets. He would have stayed there if it wasn't for a familiar voice.

"YOU BASTARD!!! WHEN I FIND YOU, I'LL MAKE YOUR MOTHER WISH THE CONDOM HADN'T TORN!!!"

Shinji peered over his sheets to see she mother stand by the window that Rei used to escape. She was waving a shot gun around still taking pot shoots into the night and screaming threats to the intruder that escaped.

"Ah?" Shinji squeaked like a mouse. He almost called out mother but that slip up could have spelled the end of his little façade.

"Oh, Shinji…" Yui called out to him in her usually motherly tone. It was a complete change from the gun wielding manic just seconds ago. In a flash, Yui had her arms around him and pulled him in a tight embraced.

"Don't worry baby… Mummy scared away the bad guys. You're safe now." She told him while stroking his hair. Normally one of Yui's hugs would always make Shinji relax no matter what the situation but the scent of gun power on her clothes made that difficult.

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" Two hospital security officers appeared in the doorway with their guns drawn ready for action. As a precaution, they pointed their weapons at the only people in the room being Shinji and Yui. The mother saw this as a threat and her eyes instantly flashed with rage like before and with one arm still around her son, she use for other arm to bring up the shot gun at the guards.

"Don't. Ever. Point. A. Gun. At. My… SHINJI!!!"

NERV CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS

"Did you hear that?" Naoko said from in front of her computer terminal. She could have sworn to had heard the faint sounds of gun fire and derange woman shouting.

"I didn't hear anything," Kyoko told her friend from another terminal. "Now hurry up. I'm almost done on this side."

"What's the rush?" Naoko asked as she resumed her work. Her finger flew over the keyboard like the speed of light.

A hiss of the hydraulic steel doors leading into the laboratory where the two mothers were working opened. Misato entered and followed closely behind were the rest of the girls from school.

"We're back!" The purple haired beauty announced and placed a bag of takeaway for Kyoko and Naoko respectively.

After everyone left the hospital, Yui had decided to stay behind and ordered everyone else home. The boys did so as they knew Shinji was going to be fine. But the girls had other ideas. Kyoko and Naoko went straight to NERV and head down to their research and development labs to begin work. To give them some time Misato took the rest of the gang to get a bite to eat.

"Great! Food!!!" Naoko exclaimed as she began rummaging through the bag Misato had brought for her.

"You can eat after you have finished." Kyoko scolded her like a small child.

"But I have finished." She replied with a mouth full of food.

"What?!" Kyoko looked back at her monitor and found that Naoko was telling the truth. She wondered how her friend with an IQ of two hundred and eighty was able to program NERV Heavy industries MAGI super computer, complete over five thousand line of code during the time Misato and the others were away but still get convinced to wear a pig suit for a day and be unable to work a simple device like an answering machine.

"Son of bitch…" Kyoko mumbled under her breathe as she resumed working to complete her portion.

"If you don't hurry, I'll just have to eat your share," Naoko teased and then followed through with her threat. She grabbed Kyoko's bag and began rifling through it like a staving pack of rats.

"Hey!" Kyoko grabbed her friend and began wrestling with her. Both parties tumbled over and one of the monitors was sent crashing to the floor. Its glass screen smashed with a spark and a puff of smoke.

"Will the both of you stop fighting?" Asuka said to both mothers while between slips of her bottle of soft drink.

"You know, you may choke the life out of me but that's not going to bring back your dinner," Naoko wheezed while her throat was still being throttled. Amazingly the woman was still managing to shove food down her mouth.

"Argh!!! Die!!!" Kyoko screamed. By now both mothers had forgot why they were at NERV in the middle of the night.

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!"

Everyone turned around to see that the shouting had come from Ritsuko Akagi. She had her team consisting of Maya Ibuki, Makoto Hyuga and Shigeru Aoba. The three immediate members of her department had been woken up and looked the part. The only one appearing wide eye and fresh was Ritsuko.

"Hi honey," Naoko waved at her daughter with a pair of chopsticks still in her hand. She was still on the ground with Kyoko hands around her throat. "Just let me finish up here and I'll be right with you."

Kyoko and Naoko resumed their wrestling match before they were interrupted which just caused Ritsuko to slap her head in frustration. The blonde scientist turned to her half asleep team members.

"Go over and check that they didn't do anything stupid." Her team proceeded towards the terminals where they were working but they were stopped but someone getting in their way.

"Please… you have to let us do this," It was middle Horaki sister, Hikari. "We're trying to help Shinji." She was supported with Mana and her older sister Kodama coming up behind her.

"I understand how you feel Hikari, we all here want Shinji to get better. But I think it's best that we let the doctors do their job. They know what they are doing," Ritsuko replied with a logical response that was hard to argue with.

"Just back off Akagi!" Asuka butted in and quickly turned it into an argument. "Why don't you just head off to a gay bar?! What's that place called down town?"

"You mean Chateau du Mâcher de Tapis or the seedier Bearded Calm?" Maya couldn't help but speak up. Her comment cause a prolong silent in the lab as she became the focus of attention.

"I-I-I have a friend… I just heard about them!" She quickly explained with a rising blush on her face.

Asuka wouldn't admit it but she was still very annoyed that Shinji had remembered that accidental kiss between Ritsuko and him while at the hot spring resort. She secretly wanted to be the first thing that Shinji remembered. But it was a little romantic and therefore weak so she couldn't admit that.

"It's dangerous for you kids to be down here. Especially with these two leading you around." Ritsuko pointed to the spot where her mother and Kyoko were fighting but they had disappeared.

"Ritsu-chan! I hurt my pinkie! I need worker's compensation!" Naoko whined as she amazing appeared next to her daughter, holding up a swollen pinkie finger. The mother's childish behaviour caused the daughter to begin shaking with rage and frustration.

"YOU!" Ritsuko turned around and was about to deliver a verbal blasting at Naoko when she felt something she wasn't expecting.

BUZZ.

THUD.

"You really need to train your girl a little better, Naoko," Kyoko told her as she twirled a tazer around in her fingers. When their inspirational team leader hit the deck, Maya and the others quickly went over to check her condition which gave the mothers the time to complete what they were doing.

"Okay!" Kyoko announced to her group of girls. "Let's get this thing started."

"But I'm still hungry…" Naoko complained. Kyoko replied in kind with warning shoot from her tazer at Naoko's feet.

"… I'll be good," Naoko gulped nervously.

"All right ladies, if you will follow us we'll show you what needs to be done." Kyoko lead the way and others followed. They were lead into another section of the laboratory which looked like some sort of manufacturing plant. Conveyor belts and large machinery filled the area. To one side were two giant steel vats that stood out of all the equipment. A set of stairs and a gantry lead all the way up to the top of the vats which is where our party walked.

"I'll like to introduce you girls to NHI081206." When they reached the top, Kyoko turned tour guide and pointed to the liquid one of the vats was holding.

"That's a fancy name for lot of milk," Misato mused as she stared into the whitish liquid.

"That's not milk, Misa-chan," Kyoko informed her. "NHI081206 is the code name for our latest anti-aging lotion. It was going to be release in Europe until a certain someone had an accident with some of our partners on a business trip."

Everyone looked back at Misato.

"Hey, Pen-pen was on heat. It's not my fault that the president's wife was at the wrong place at the wrong time. It was a formal affair. Everyone was in black and white. It was an honest mistake," she defended herself and the family bird.

"In any case, that's all ancient history," Kyoko continued before everyone lost the plot.

"NHI081206 is going to bring back Shinji's memories," She told the group but all she got back were blank looks.

"How is an anti-aging cream going to help us return Shinji's memories?" Mana asked, really confused with what was going on.

"I can explain that!" Naoko said all too excitedly.

"As a person ages, skin cells divide more slowly, and the inner skin, or dermis, starts to thin. Fat cells beneath the dermis begin to atrophy, and the underlying network of elastin and collagen fibres, which provides scaffolding for the surface layers, loosens and unravels. Skin loses its elasticity; when pressed, it no longer springs back to its initial position but instead sags and forms furrows. The skin's ability to retain moisture diminishes; the sweat and oil-secreting glands atrophy, depriving the skin of their protective water-lipid emulsions. As a consequence, the skin becomes dry and scaly. In addition, the ability of the skin to repair itself diminishes with age," Naoko continued with her in depth explanation which just got everyone else more confused.

"Keep it short piggy," Kyoko suggestion was followed up by another warning shot from the tazer.

"Fine… We basically discovered a way to reprogram your skin to think that it's young and youthful again." she explained in fear of electric punishment.

"That all good and well but how does giving Shinji nice skin going to help his memory?" Kodama asked Naoko.

"If you would let me finish, I'll tell you," Naoko huffed in annoyance. Her moment in the intellectual spotlight had already been interrupted.

"All we have to do is redesign NHI081206 programming to not reproduce oil for dry skin but to give Shinji his memories back."

"That's right and that's were we all come in," Kyoko butted in. "As we don't have a record of Shinji's memory anywhere we have to manually hardcode the details. Then expose Shinji to the cream and everything goes back to normal. What we did while you were all out was remove the skin program so we can add Shinji's details."

"Yes… But we have to be carefully," Naoko said pulling out a laptop terminal that had a direct connection to the vat which held NHI081206. "Whatever we put in the program, once Shinji is exposed, there is a good chance that he'll stay that way forever."

"I think I'm starting to understand this," Misato spoke up. "If we wanted we could say that Shinji was the best cook in the world and have him cook yummy food for us all the time he'll do it."

"Well, in essence that's correct. There's a little more work to be done as well but that's the basic idea," Naoko said while in front of her terminal, getting ready to input the data

"So I could say that Shinji and I were married and when he gets dunked in the milk he'll be mine…" Misato mumbled to herself but it was caught by everyone in the group. They all looked at each other as the exact same thought rushed into their each of their minds.

"I'M FIRST!!!" they all screamed as tackled the laptop with Naoko. As all the girl became embroil in the melee to rewrite Shinji's memories, they were unaware they all their actions were being recorded from high above them.

A pair of hands held a penguin through a hole in the ceiling. The penguin was holding onto a digital video camera and capturing all the action.

"Do we have enough footage?" Rei asked as she hoisted Pen-pen back up through the hole.

"Wark." (You bet your ass I got everything - Academy awarding winning camera work.)

TOKYO THREE HOSPITAL

"Madam… My name is Fujita. I'm the police negotiator for Tokyo Three. Perhaps you could open the door and we can talk face to face." The negotiator in a bullet proof vest said through the closed door of Shinji's room. Apparently pointing a shotgun at two security offices was grounds to call in half the Tokyo Three police department including the riot team complete with batons and shields.

BANG

A hole in the door was produced from Yui's blast which sounded her intensions to the law enforcement on the outside.

"No-one is going to hurt my baby!" She shouted back at them and then cocked her shotgun, ready for the next shot.

"Damn…" Fujita cursed. "Do we have any intelligence on this mad woman?"

The negotiator needed more background information in order for him find some sort of leverage or common ground with Yui. This was basis of all police negotiations.

"The hospital staff report that the patient's name is Shinji Ikari. He's fourteen years old and was admitted with a broken leg," one of the security guards shouted to him from behind the safety of the riot police and their protective shields.

"Wait… did you say Ikari?" Fujita asked. When he received a nod, he quickly stood up and began walking away.

"What are you doing? Where are you going?" One of the police officers asked him.

"If any of you have any sense you would walk away right now," The negotiator told the group. "Do you have any idea who that is in there? That's Yui Ikari… I don't get enough hazard pay from the department to deal with her. You rookies have no idea what she is capable of."

"Fujita-san?!" Yui's head appeared through the hole her shot gun blast made. Her voice calling his name made him stop in his tracks.

"I thought I heard your voice!" She said happily. "How long has it been? At least a couple of months since that unsavoury incident at the supermarket. Have you come to visit my Shinji? That's very kind of you!"

"Ha-ha… Yes that supermarket is something I couldn't forget… Ha-ha…" he gave a forced, polite laugh for her while still backing away. "Give your son my best wishes but I do have to get going…"

"What do you mean? Are you saying that you don't care for the wellbeing of my son?" At that moment all the power to the building went down and only the emergency flood lights worked. The ambient temperature in the hallway dropped sharply to the point where condensation began to develop on the surfaces of the walls. All the police officers began to feel an ominous presence eat away at their souls.

"WHAT!!! Of course we'll all here to see your son!!!" Fujita mumbled out quickly as tried to stop himself from wetting his pants.

"Oh good!" Yui replied cheerfully. Power was restored to the building and the temperature returned to normal. She turned back to her son with a wide smile "Shinji dear, we have some special visitors."

Shinji just replied with a little laugh and a sweat drop as the riot squad and other police officers filed into his room.

'How does she go from gun nut to mum to the devil incarnated? If she finds out that I'm faking it I'm a dead man…'

"It just makes me feel better that I have police officers around to protect my baby." Yui giggled but she had inadvertently coaxed them into security detail for Shinji and it wasn't optional.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES HEADQUARTERS

"Oh… my poor fingers…" Naoko cried as she rested her fingers in bowl of ice water. Even her incredible typing ability had difficulty keeping up with everyone's demand.

"Quit your whining," Kyoko told her friend and then reached for something in her coat pocket. "Have a chocolate."

"YAY!!! CHOCOLATE!!!" she squealed like a child, forgetting all the build up in of lactic acid her hands. Naoko grabbed the chocolate bar and began devouring it.

"Are you girls done with all the data entry?" While Naoko busied herself, Kyoko decided to put the finishing touches on the program. The girls quickly formed a huddle and went over their plan.

"Okay…" Misato started. "Asuka has Mondays, Mana on Tuesday, Hikari on Wednesday, Kodama on Thursday and I take Friday. The weekends he can have to himself since we are such nice people. Do we all agree?"

The fighting wasn't getting anyone anywhere and they all eventually agreed to disagree. A compromise was settled upon with them spitting up Shinji's new memories into the days of the week.

"Wait a minute!" Asuka interjected. "Why do you get Friday? Who decided that you get one of the best days of the week?"

"Pfft… As if you would know what to do with a man on a Friday night?" Misato sneered and rolled her eyes at the young redhead which angered Asuka to no end. But before Asuka could throw the first punch and starting yet another fight, her best friend intervened.

"Please, Asuka…" She implored. "We don't have time to argue. There are school holidays and vacation time. So it's not like Shinji-kun will be always busy."

Hikari's comment worked at subduing the fight but started a verbal argument between everyone in the group. As this was happening Kyoko lean over to Naoko and whispered something in her ear.

"Hey! When you're done stuffing your face, I want you to program Saturday and Sunday for us."

"Huh? Why would I do that?!" Naoko said aloud with a ring of smudged chocolate around her mouth.

"Shhh!" Kyoko quickly slapped her hand over Naoko's mouth so not to alert the others.

"I know for a fact that Misato isn't the type of person that would flat out lie about something like Shinji's size. Aren't you a bit curiosity to see if it's true?"

"I never knew you like them young. You just want to play the pretty and frustrated mama-san that fulfils her desire with innocent school boys. You've been watching too many harem anime shows," Naoko sniggered.

"Baka! Let me put it this way, if one of us break Shinji in how pissed off do think Yui would?" Kyoko's true intension was now being revealed.

"Hmmm… She'll most likely keep us on life support so the torture could continue for countless hours. But you sold me. Anything price is worth paying as long as we get to see her erupt like Krakatoa." Naoko pushed away her friend and cracked her knuckles in readiness to complete the final changes to the code. She was free to do so as the other were completely preoccupied with arguing

TOKYO 3 HOSPITAL

"AAACHOO!" Yui sneezed and immediately went for a handkerchief from her pocket. Shinji looked at her and was about to say some but she beat him to the punch.

"Don't worry sweetie," she reassured him. "It's probably some of these handsome young police officers talking about mummy's unequalled beauty and sophistication."

Her comment caused a few unheralded coughs which she replied in kind with a death stare that would turn away a wild bear and caused the sorry individual to begin apologising profusely.

"I just feel bad that I can't remember anything and you are doing all this." Shinji kept up his amnesia.

"Oh you don't worry about that… This is all part of parenting," Yui told him and then turned to the police negotiator, Fujita.

"Fujita-san, would you be a kind enough to ask you men to give me a moment with my son. You all can patrol the perimeter," she said in a sweet voice but carried an underlying tone that told them that the woman was not to be argued with.

"Ikari-sama… ma'am… we have half the district's regular police force and the special riot squad here. Things seem under control here so it would be best that we…" Before he could continue Yui's out stretch hand grabbed him by the lower jaw and yanked him down to her level.

"Fujita-san… You are making a scene and my baby nervous," Yui squeezed a little more and there was an audible sound of a bone cracking. "A dedicated and distinguished officer such as your self should know better."

All the poor man could do was nod slightly as he tried to block out the pain and Yui released her vice like grip around his jaw. The man quickly stumbled backwards and crawled outside, all the while trying to order his men to form a perimeter around Shinji's room.

"You should try to get some sleep now," Yui told him while fixing his blankets with gentle hands. Shinji had to keep reminding himself that those were the same hands had almost crushed a man's jaw moments ago. "I'll be right here by your side if you need anything."

The devoted mother made her self comfortable and set her shotgun aside but still close and well within arms length if there was any danger.

"What is that?" he asked pointing to a suitcase sitting on the floor next Yui.

"I went home and picked some things you may need," she opened it up to reveal a change of clothes, underwear and toiletries. But on top of everything was a photo album. He hadn't seen it before, even prior to Pen-pen detonating the house. Shinji picked it up out of curiosity and began turning the pages.

"This is a photo album. It has photos from our trip to the hot springs. I thought it might be a good idea to help you remember," she answered and allowed him to look through the album.

'Oh man… this is going harder than I thought…' Shinji thought to himself.

"This is us the morning leaving for the hot springs. You may recognise some of these people. Your friends Touji and Kensuke also came along." The first page was filled with photos of the gang in the cabin of the VTOLs, en-route to the hot springs.

"That looks like the inside of a helicopter. We didn't fly in an airplane?" Shinji asked but knew full well what had happen.

"Oh you see, the trip was sort of a spur of the moment thing and we had these VTOLs at work. They needed to be tested so what better way to kill two birds with one stone…" Yui laughed nervously as she hoped her flimsy, see-through explanation was accepted.

"Oh, okay…" Shinji replied just to put her mind at ease but he had set Yui up for another tough question.

"Is that me?" he asked pointing to a picture of him being used as a tug of war rope between Asuka and Misato.

"Ah huh. That's your sister Rei and Pen-pen is over there," Yui pointed and named the other individuals in the photo.

"Does anything help you remember anything?" She asked hopefully and almost pleading for a positive answer which made the next thing Shinji was going to do much harder.

"No… but…" He hesitated.

"But?" There was a little hope in Yui's voice. It wasn't a definite no with the 'but' which kept her hopes alive.

"Well…" Shinji started nervously. "I can't help but notice that in all these pictures I'm not smiling. I don't seem to be happy. Is there a reason why I wasn't happy?"

"What do you mean?" Yui almost grabbed the photo album from Shinji's hands to check for herself. It was true what he was saying. In all the photos with Shinji he was either frowning or being chased by a half naked woman. For once Yui was lost for words. Something as simple as her son smiling was over looked and she cursed herself for doing it.

"Did I have fight? It looks like we fight a lot of the time. What did we fight about? Do we fight all the time? May be nobody likes me or may I don't like anyone." Shinji began throwing up questions. Each of them was like dagger through Yui's heart.

"Like why do you have the gun? Do I need protecting from people that don't want me to live? Normal people don't carry around guns in hospitals. Am I in hospital because of what other people did to me? Do they hate me that much?"

Yui had no answers for Shinji's questions. The only thing she did was begin crying.

"Oh! I'm really sorry! All I seem to do is make you upset you, maybe you should forget…" He was interrupted by a big hug. Muffled cries could be heard from his shoulder as tear began to fall freely now.

"You listen to me, Shinji." Yui pulled back and looked him straight in the eye. She didn't try to hide or wipe away the tears. "I want you to know that no matter happens. For now on things are going to change. It doesn't matter if you don't regain your memories. We can make new ones; better ones. Do you understand? Some mistakes have been made in the past and you have just made me realise that. I swear on my own life that you won't have to go through any of that again."

Shinji just nodded as he realised what he and Gendo had achieved what they had setup out to do. They had accomplished to impossible, tame to last great frontier and reach the pinnacle of man's feat. That was to change Yui Ikari. The mission was only half done they still had the others to convince. But with the alpha female of the group already swayed the others would easily follow. Shinji just hoped it was soon. Keeping up this amnesia a lot of work.

"You know…" She laughed and wiped some of her tears with the back of her hand. "You are the only one able to make me cry like this. Even when your grandfather passed on I never shed a tear. That just goes to show that you are my son… My precious little Shinji…"

Her words were now embarrassing and causing him to blush.

"Come on now, a real man doesn't blush… Jelly donut, cactus seed… roman catapult…" Yui's voice began to trail off into slurred nonsense as she collapsed unconscious in Shinji's lap.

"Jelly donut?" As she hunched over Shinji noticed a feathered dart sticking out of her neck.

"Are you sure one tranquillizer is enough?" Kyoko asked her friend wielding the tranquillizer rifle much like safari rangers would use to safety bring down big game.

"The box did say elephant strength," Naoko replied while adjusting her safari hat. The oldest Akagi had donned a classic khaki safari suit and traditional great white hunter hat. She wanted to look the part when hunting for her prey. "Yeah may be you are right. Better be safe."

She walked up to Yui and plugged a few more into her backside as a safety measure.

"What are you doing?" Shinji asked.

"HIYA SHIN-CHAN!!!" before the two mothers could answer, Misato had appeared next to him and delivered one of her patent slobbering kisses on the check.

"It's hunter season and I bag myself a grand bull this hunting trip," Naoko spoke with a deep burly voice. "Anyone got a camera? I want get a picture of this, it's going to be published all over the morning paper!"

"Stop fooling around. We have no time to play your little fantasy game now," Kyoko scolded her hunting companion.

"What do you think of my costume Shin-chan?" Misato released her hold on the boy and stepped back to reveal very little of a costume it was. To say it was a two piece bikini was generous. It barely consisted of a few pieces of tissue-thin cotton and some thread. The scant leopard-skin print material was stretched to breaking strain against Misato's ample figure. There was little support which only helped with a hypnotic swaying motion of her chest and behind.

"Since this was a hunting expedition, I thought I would be a pussy cat. Oh wait!" Misato stopped for a moment and reached around her back for something. She produced a pair of cute little cat ears and placed them on her head.

"Meow!" She then dove back into Shinji's bed and began purring while rubbing up against him.

"Can I shoot her?!" Naoko had developed a little trigger happy fever since downing Yui and was keen to shoot something else.

"No… This way Misato can't cause much damage and we don't have restrain Shinji like we planned," Kyoko answered much to Naoko's disappointment.

"Restrain?!" Shinji managed to get out before being pulled under the blankets by the pussycat-like Misato.

"Where are the girls?" Kyoko mumbled as she wondered where the muscle for moving Shinji was. At the moment, in walked the schoolgirls but their usual uniforms had been replaced tight fitting nurse's outfits they managed to acquire from somewhere in the hospital. The outfits included white stocking that came up mid thigh and were supported by belt suspenders. Their skirts were purposely shortened to deliberately show the suspenders and more thigh than necessary. The actually uniform were a pretty pink colour that neatly offset against the white stockings. They were a short sleeved one piece set and done up from the back with a zipper. Naoko and Kyoko were quick to pick on this fact and that it did away with any cleavage. The two mothers quickly improvised by make a vertical tear down the front. And they were finally finished off with a stethoscope around the neck.

"Let's hurry this up," Asuka announced while the pink uniform showed off her tight figure. She didn't really cared about how little her costume clothed her young supple body and was more interested in what they came to do.

"These get ups aren't that bad…" Mana mused as she walked in still inspecting her ensemble like someone trying on a dress for the first time.

"Come on Hikari!" Kodama stood in the doorway. She seemed to be talking to someone to her left and out of view. "For goodness sake you look fine! Now hurry up and let Shinji see you!"

The older Horaki sister reached over and pulled Hikari out from hiding. The class representative wasn't accustomed to this sort of behaviour and dress. She was more conservative and unadventurous when it came to dress. It was partly due to the fact that was somewhat of a late developer when compared to Asuka or Mana but she was still played the part of a cosplay nurse just as well.

"Great now that everyone is here you can all start moving our patient." Kyoko clapped her hands twice as if she was ordering around some house maids. Why she or Naoko didn't start moving Shinji was a mystery.

Asuka couldn't be bothered arguing and just went along with things. She observed that Shinji was completely underneath his blankets and move about vigorously. It was strange at first but then she considered that fact that her mother may have tied Shinji down and he was trying to get free. But that all changed when she heard a familiar and unwanted giggle.

"Lollipop! Lollipop! Shin-chan's lollipop! Lollipop! Lollipop! Shin-chan's lollipop!" Asuka ears picked up the Misato's voice happily singing from underneath Shinji's blankets and instantly her blood began to boil.

She ripped off the covers on Shinji's bed. Misato's leopard g-sting wearing backside was the first thing she saw as it was particularly shoved into her face. This was enough grounds for the young red head to go ballistic but there was more to come. The reason why Misato's butt was in the air was the fact that she had her head up underneath Shinji's hospital gown. Her face was exactly between his legs and one arm extended up the length of his body so her hand was clasped over his mouth.

"BAKA HENTA!!!" Asuka screamed on the top of her lungs and gripped the side of the bed to flip or throw the whole thing over. The young girl had snapped and would have thrown the bed and all it's occupants through the wall if Naoko had not intervened.

The great white safari hunter, Naoko Akagi had shot a tranquilise dark into Misato's exposed rump causing her to collapse on top of Shinji. She immediately began snoring and drooling on the poor boy's leg.

"Bagged me another big one!" Naoko tipped her hat after a successful shot. The mother was taking the role of safari a little too seriously. "I think I might mount these on top of the fire place. They will make excellent additions to my collection."

"YOU PERVERT!!!" Asuka had turned her attention to Shinji. The boy had barely managed to get some air into his lungs before Asuka's hands tightly wrapped around his neck. The other school girls become nurses quickly jumped on top of Asuka and tried to peel her off. Kyoko just shook her head in disbelief as the operation to get Shinji out of the hospital was quickly turning into a disaster.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES HEADQUARTERS

"Have you completed copying the program?" Rei asked her partner in crime as she finished canvassing the inside of NERV's laboratory with her digital camera.

"Wark." (How come I got stuck with this job? I have flippers. FLIPPERS DAMN YOU! I'll like to see you work a keyboard with paddles) the bird squawked from the laptop that Naoko was using to input the final pieces of data for Shinji's memories.

Unknown to the rest of the girls as they worked their plan to restore or rewrite Shinji's memories, two sets of eyes were watching them with a telescopic spy camera from the ceiling. When they left to capture the subject for their experiment, our two spies used the opportunity complete their intelligence gathering.

"Our employer complained that the previous surveillance photographs taken by you were inadequate," Rei explained. The fact that Pen-pen was about three feet high meant that all the photographs he took of his subjects were just crotch shots. That might have been fine for some sordid websites that Kaji had bookmarked but it didn't help their objective.

"WARK!" Upset by the criticism of his work, the warm water bird slammed his flipper down onto the keyboard in anger.

"Wark…" (Oh shit…) Pen-pen realised that he had inadvertently done something when the screen on the laptop began scrolling with a bunch of binary code.

"We must go. They have returned," the blue haired girl announced as she lifted her nose up into the air. The ducted air carried her brother's scent through the system as soon as he arrived in the complex. It was a technique she picked up from Misato after watching the documentary channel, where predator animals always approached the prey down wind to avoid detection.

"Wark" (Hang on! This thing is…) Pen-pen couldn't finish explaining before Rei grabbed him by the back of the neck and the pair shot up the cable via a motorised winch to the roof.

Mere seconds later the steel doors to the lab opened. Kyoko and company had finally returned from the hospital. Asuka wheeled in Shinji on a wheel chair. He was bounded and gagged from making too much fuss. The other girls were ordered to carry in Yui and Misato dangling on poles like pygmies had with a fresh boar for tonight's fest. The tranquiliser darts were still working and both women out cold.

"Set them down over there," Naoko ordered her helps. The girls just basically dropped Misato and Yui on their heads right where they were standing. The weight of carrying both women was taking its toll on the troupe of nurses. "We need to build a fire and get these babies cooking."

Naoko had totally forgotten about helping Shinji and was still back in the African Safari. She began looking around the laboratory for anything that could be used for kindling.

"Hey piggy!" Kyoko whipped out the taser and pointed at her friend again. "Stay focus or you'll be the one that will be barbequed."

"Everything is ready to go," Naoko answer while breaking a wooden stool into smaller pieces. "All you have to do is throw Shinji into the modified NHI081206 and give it a good mix."

"Isn't that a little dangerous?" Hikari asked out of concern.

"It is but… damn it!" Naoko began answering as she was rubbing two legs of the broken stool together to start her fire but was having some troubles.

"Well?" Mana asked as everyone except for Asuka and Shinji had gathered around the so called brain trust of this operation.

"You know, this isn't as easy as it looks like." The mother scratched her head. Starting a fire with two sticks was getting the better of her.

"Not the fire. We meant Shinji," Kodama almost shouted at her in frustration.

"Oh… You see NHI081206 was originally developed as a cream to the applied to the skin. We were able to change its programming but in terms of the delivery system that still stays the same. There's a lot of information as well so just a light application is not going to be sufficient. Shinji has to be completely submerged to become effective. I can change the delivery system but that's going to take a while. Plus I was hungry and Kyoko was yelling at me and…" As Naoko's explanation slowly began to turn into useless drivel, everyone turned to Asuka who had managed to get Shinji to the gantry where the giant vat of NHI081206 was sitting.

"So how long does Shinji-kun have to stay under?" Mana enquired.

"How long? Hmmm… Actually I never really thought about that part of plan. I guess maybe five minutes." Naoko mused as she continued to try and get the kindling started. Her less than confident answer caused a stir within the group.

"BAKA!" Kyoko yelled at her friend with such a force that it blew away the stack of broken stool bits that were going to be used for the fire. "He's not going to be able to hold his breath for that long!"

"Well, give or take a few minutes. I'm not really sure." Kyoko wrapped her hands around Naoko's neck and began throttling her for the second time tonight. The other girls quickly set off after Asuka to stop her from drowning Shinji.

Shinji continued to fight against the constraints that held him down in the wheel chair. A gag cross his mouth stopped him from explaining what was really going on with his amnesia and stopped him from pleading for a reprieve. His leg was still in the cast extended out in front of him on a board from the wheel chair.

"Stop moving!" Asuka told him as she continued to wheel him towards the edge of the silo holding the modified NHI081206. "If you hadn't been playing around with the slut Misato I wouldn't have to resort to these sorts of measures."

Shinji strained his neck around as much as he could and began shouting through his mouth gag. The poor boy had no idea where he was being taken but he knew that it wasn't good. Anything plan concocted by the girls had bad news written all over it. His struggling and desperation was rewarded with the gag slipping off partially. First he took a needed full breathe of air.

"Asuka wait!" he shouted which caused the girl to stop pushing. She spun him around in the wheel chair to face her.

"Shinji?! You remembered my name?!" Her voice was a mixed of surprise and relief. "What else do you remember?"

"Everything! Now untie me! What ever it is that you have planned out you don't have to do because…" Shinji stopped mid sentence when he realised that he was about to confess to faking his amnesia.

"Because what?" Asuka asked becoming more and more suspicious.

"Huh? Never mind! Ah… Let see… Ouch! My leg hurts!" Looking for an easy way out from explaining he decided to pretend to be in pain. He knew that Asuka wouldn't take too kindly to being lied to but she saw straight through his ploy.

"What are you hiding from me, Shinji?" Getting impatience with being toyed with; she grabbed him not so gently but the front of his hospital gown.

"Me? I'm not hiding anything. Hehehe…" he put on a bogus laugh in a last ditch attempt to fool her.

"Talk. Now." Asuka instructed with her usually trademark verb followed by the word now. It was enough for Shinji to spill his guts and reveal everything.

"I FAKED THE AMNESIA TO TEACH YOU ALL A LESSON! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" He closed his eyes and turned his head away instinctively to avoid any punishment but nothing happen. He felt the hand around the front of his gown loosen and let go. Shinji slowly opened one eye to check what was happening. To his surprise Asuka had turned around and had her back to him.

"Ah… Asuka…" He decided to open the dialogue.

"SHUT UP!!! DON'T YOU EVER SAY MY NAME AGAIN!!!" Like a flash she whirled back around and kicked the wheelchair. Her foot was well placed and hit the padded seat part of the wheelchair right between Shinji's legs. Everything happen so fast he didn't have time to check that vital part of his body. Instead he wheeled backwards for some distance until he came to a jolting stop. If he had the ability to turn around, he would have seen the he was tethering on the edge of the gantry and right below was Naoko's modified NHI081206.

"But Asuka…" Shinji said but the sound of his voice saying her name caused Asuka to sprint up to him and deliver a resounding slap across the cheek.

"DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY YOU MESS WITH PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS?!!!" She screamed at him. Shinji now realised that Asuka was crying. "EVERYONE WAS WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU AND ALL YOU COULD THINK ABOUT IS PLAYING A PRANK ON US!!!"

By this time the rest for the group had made their way up to the gantry walkway where Shinji and Asuka were having their showdown. The shouting caused immediate tension in the air and all of them were hesitant to approach the pair.

"But just…" Shinji tried to get out but was cut off again.

"NO! YOU LIED!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!!! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL?!!!" She screamed at him again and then suddenly realised that she may have said too much.

"Oh yeah?! What about me?! Do you think I enjoy being constantly embarrassed by everyone's childish behaviour?! Why is everything about what all of you want?! Do you think I wanted my leg broken and be kidnapped from the hospital?!" Shinji fired back at her unexpectedly. Something inside had snapped and pushed him over his limit. All the guilt and worry about betraying everyone with his amnesia ploy went out the window. Asuka was stunned and didn't know how to react. The only other time she had heard him like this was that day in the park where Kaworu and Shinji stopped becoming best friends. But it didn't take long for the young girl to regain her composure.

"Is that how you truly feel? After everything we have been through, you're telling me that I was just an inconvenience in your life?" She didn't shout like before but just spoke to him normally which had a much more pro-founding effect, "If I had known that you felt this way, I… I… I…"

She was too upset to continue and ran away with tears trailing behind her. It was this point that Shinji realised that he had over stepped the mark and tried to reach to her. In his desperation, he had completely forgotten about his cast bound leg and fell abruptly onto the cold steel gantry with a thud. This was followed by cry of pain.

"Shinji!" The other girls called his name as they watched everything unfold. His ungrateful fall was the catalyst for the others to move; they rushed towards him but they stopped when Asuka bend over to pick up something that Shinji had dropped after his fall.

"What's this?" She asked.

Meanwhile, as the soap opera that was Shinji Ikari's life played out on the NERV walkway, two people below continued to watch everything intently like it was really a day time soap.

"This is a good show." Naoko offered some of popcorn to her friend Kyoko who helped herself to a big hand full.

"Real butter?" Asuka's mother asked but didn't wait for an answer as she threw a few of the popped kernels into her mouth. The pair had stopped arguing when things began to get interesting above them.

Naoko reached in a realised that her box of precious popcorn was almost all gone. Only a few unopened kernels were lying on the bottom of her box and she reacted in typical fashion.

"Bitch! You took all the popcorn!" She accused Kyoko.

"What are you talking about?!" Kyoko snapped back, she didn't take to kindly to be called a bitch. Then all of the sudden pieces of popcorn began falling down on top of the two like snow flakes.

"What the hell?" Kyoko turned around and looked up to see who had taken the all the popcorn, "Oh crap…"

"Kyoko-san… Naoko-san… can ask what are you doing with my Shinji?" Yui asked as the popcorn continued to fall between her fingers onto her two best friends. The overdose of animal tranquilliser had worn off and getting out of her restraints was an easy feat for Yui.

"Now before you do anything rash, we can explain everything. Isn't that right Naoko?" Kyoko turned for support which wasn't forth coming. Naoko was busy trying to catch the popcorn falling down like it was some sort of kids' game. Her mouth snapped at everything within reach. Then the popcorn stopped.

"Awww… No more?" she whined.

"BAKA!!!" Yui roared and crashed tackled her friends, starting a not too uncommon brawl for this family. Yui had let her emotions and anger get the better of her and failed to notice that Shinji was just above her, lying on the gantry.

"Asuka… Wait…" Shinji grimaced as the pain shoot up through his broken leg.

"This is us at the hot springs," the redhead said as she continued to look at the photo that Shinji had swiped from the album that Yui had brought in for him. He knew that if his mother had seen that photo of Asuka resting comfortable on his shoulder on the last day at the hot springs his line of questioning about being unhappy would have failed. So he cleverly tucked the photo away when she wasn't looking.

"Wait… I can explain…" even though he was still lying on the ground and in some considerable pain, Shinji was still trying to reach Asuka.

'He's still trying to move. Why is he doing that?' Asuka thought as watched Shinji struggle along the floor. His actions and the photo made her have second thoughts about what she had said. Her anger began to wash away with each agonising inch Shinji crawled along the ground. She was quickly reminded why this boy was so close to her heart. Asuka ran up to him and knelt down to pick Shinji up.

"Baka… Only you would try to walk with a broken leg…" She told while lifting one of arms his over her shoulders.

"Huh? Oh yeah, hahaha…" he laughed foolishly which made Asuka smile. "You know I kept my promise."

"What promise? Did you hit your head when you fell over?" She asked confused with what he was talking about.

"If you forget about me, I'll never forgive you…" Shinji repeated her words at the hospital from the night before. "I'll never forget about you… Asuka."

Asuka quickly turned her head away as new tears threaten to spill but these were not the same tears as before. She was happy to have these ones but showing them to Shinji was another thing.

"Shinji-kun!" The pair turned their heads to see that the others that come across walkway.

"Hikari, get his wheel chair. I can't keep lugging his butt around all day," Asuka told her friend and followed it up with a nod to signal that everything was fine now.

"Of course!" As the pigtailed class representative went to pick up the fallen wheel chair the whole gantry took a tremendous thud and shook like it was falling part. Everyone lost their footing and feel onto its unforgiving steel grated surface heavily.

"YOU TWO DIE NOW!!!" The kids looked below them find that the brawl between the mothers was still going at a frantic pace. It must have been either Kyoko or Naoko's head that made impact with one of the support legs that held gantry up into the air.

"DAMN IT!!! THAT HURT!!!" Kyoko shouted at Yui while rubbing the back of her skull.

"YEAH?! WELL THIS IS GONNA HURT A LOT MORE!!!" Yui screamed back and launched herself at her friend. But she was stopped by someone jumping onto her back and wrapping her arms around her neck.

"AH HA!!! You better tap out or I'm turning your lights off again!" Naoko advised Yui as she tightened her sleeper hold.

"AKAGI!!!" Yui snarled before running backwards into another support pillar of the gantry causing the structure to shake once more. This was followed by a around of screams and shrieks from the girls above.

"BAKAS!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?! SHINJI IS UP HERE!!!" Asuka's head popped through between the guard rails of the gantry.

"My Shinji!!!" Asuka had reminded Yui that she had lost the plot and placed exacting revenge on her two friends over Shinji's well being. "SHINJI!!! DON'T WORRY MUMMY'S COMING!!!"

"Don't worry he's fine. He's right…" Asuka looked over to her right where she expected Shinji to be lying down but he wasn't there. Instead a large section of the gantry floor had fallen away. The bolts holding the critical points of the walkway had been completely sheered off like they were nothing. Without a second thought for her own safety, Asuka raced over to the edge. She found that the section of the gantry was still partially attached to the main segment and Shinji was hanging on to the steel as it dangerously swayed with only a few badly bent cross beams being used like they were steel cables.

"SHINJI!!! DON'T MOVE!!!" Asuka instructed to him as she moved closer to him but even with her shift of weight the piece of walkway that Shinji was hanging on to slipped again.

"Shit!" the young girl cursed and then looked back the rest of the group behind her.

"Everyone get off the walkway! It isn't safe!"

"No way! I'm not leaving Shinji there!" Mana protested.

"There's too much weight up here! We don't have time to argue!" Asuka shouted back and then resumed to trying to get a hand to Shinji.

"Asuka is right! You girls get off there right now. The structural integrity has been compromise. That's the best thing you can do for Shinji!" Naoko shouted up from below. She made surprisingly quick recovery from the collision with the steel pillar.

"Asuka be careful!!!" Kyoko called out to her daughter.

"Just hang on, Shinji! I'm going to try and reach for your hand," Asuka told the hanging boy what she was trying to do.

"You should get back with the others." Shinji told her as he tried to pull himself up, but it was to no avail.

"I said 'don't move'!" she shouted at him, ignoring his advice. Then the structure shifted again and caused Shinji to loose grip. He slid about a foot before regaining his hold of the now vertical walkway platform.

"SHINJI! Don't move, mummy's here!!!" Asuka looked over her shoulder to see that the last shift was caused by Yui.

"What are you doing here?! Get off before you kill us all!!!" the young girl yelled at Shinji's mother.

"Asuka, I'll lower you by the ankles and you grab him." Yui ignored the young girl's words and immediately picked up the girl.

"Yui! If you drop Asuka I'll kill you!!!" Kyoko screamed from below as she watched her daughter be lowered over the edge in a precarious manner.

"Mum! Asuka! I just wanna say that I'm sorry that I lied about my amnesia. I'm sorry I lied to everyone," Shinji apologised to two of the three most important women in his life.

"Don't worry about that now!" Yui told her son, "Just grabbed Asuka's hand!"

"A little lower… Just a little more…" said Asuka as she tried to forget about the vat of liquid NHI081206 below them and the height they were up off the ground.

"My… My… My arms are getting tired…" Shinji muttered as exhaustion started to set in.

"Don't you give up! You hear me! You just hang on!!!" Asuka shouted at him.

"Come on Shinji! Come on!" Kyoko and Naoko cheered like cheerleaders from down below. They completed the look with authentic pom-poms. Where they managed to source them from no one knew.

"You fat cows!!! You have time to look for pom-poms and not help my Shinji?!!!" Yui snarled and inadvertently smacked Asuka's head against of the steel of the walkway.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Now Yui had Asuka shouting obscenities at her.

"May be this time, this second fall will kill me…" Shinji sighed as his rescuers continued their abuse of each other fuelled by the peanut gallery from below.

Suddenly the whole walk way structure began to shake again. This time the hollow boom of something hitting the already weaken steel was followed by the violent shaking. It caused everyone to stop fooling around and refocus on rescuing Shinji.

"Baka Asuka… That's my Shin-chan lollipop… Don't touch…"

Naoko and Kyoko turned to find that Misato had began sleep walking while under the tranquilizer dart. She had managed to weave herself out of the pole that she was carried in on and now using it as some sort of bat to smash the imaginary baka Asuka which was the support pillar of the walkway.

"Oh jeez… I suppose we have to stop her," Naoko breathed as the prospect of doing more work didn't really appeal to her.

"GET YOUR USELESS ASSES OVER THERE AND STOP HER!!!" Asuka and Yui screeched in tandem at the two other mothers which prompted them to fly into action. This was a mistake as the last swing by Misato caused her to loose grip of the stick and sent it on a collision course with Kyoko and Naoko face.

SMACK.

"AH! My face! My beautiful face!" Naoko cried aloud like it was the end of the world

"Mmmm…. Shin-chan lollipop… yummy…" Misato casually and calmly sunk down to the bottom of the support pillar and licked it a few times before going completely back to sleep. With her arms tightly wrapped around it she was obliviously to all the anarchy happening around her.

"That's just disturbing…" Asuka shivered as she watched and imagined the creepiness in Misato but quickly remembered why she was hanging upside down.

"Come on baka, give me your hand." She stretched her hand out to the segment of walkway that Shinji was hanging on but noticed that she didn't get a response.

"Shinji?" She asked turning her head to face but he was no where to be seen. Her worst thoughts had been realised as her eyes noticed a disturbance in the surface of the NHI081206 liquid. Some where during Misato's little sleepwalk adventure, Shinji had fallen.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR NOTES  
We are back (that includes Lord Raa and TheWickerMan). A few personal issues prevented my self from writing for a while. Mr. proof reader also had some major PC issues. Plus this chapter was especially long because I wanted to give Lord Raa a migraine.

Thanks for reading, Wonga316


	21. Chapter 21

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 21

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

CONTACT  
Email - wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
Yahoo – wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
AIM – wonga316  
LiveJournal – wonga316(dot)livejournal(dot)com

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR / CATERING / STUNT DOUBLE  
TheWickerMan (Some say his best friend is an electric back massager, all we know he's called TheWickerMan)

PROOF READER / EXECUTIVE PRODUCER / TEA LADY  
Lord Raa (Some say he can out stare fish which have no eyelids, all we know he's called Lord Raa)

DATE POSTED  
20070119

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES

Asuka couldn't feel anything. Her senses didn't work. Her brain tried sending instructions to the rest of her body but they wouldn't be obeyed. She was reliving Shinij's fall at the school gym hall all over again but this time it was much worst. The young woman didn't admit it to anyone but when she watched Shinji's body hurdle towards the stage, she was absolutely scared. The only other time she remembered being that scared was when her parents divorced but she had Shinji for support. This time she had no one.

"MY BABY!!!"

The terrified shrill came from the person hanging onto her ankles. The next thing Asuka knew was that she was being swung through the air. She felt like a giant log a bare-chested, bearded Scotsman would throw during caber toss competition.

Before Asuka had even landed for the record breaking throw, Yui was already half way down the stairs.

"Wow. Look at her fly," Mana said in awe as her main rival for Shinji's affections sailed threw the air like a javelin. Hikari and her sister both cringed as they waited for Asuka's not so gentle impact with the remaining gantry.

"YOU SAVE HIM NOW!" Yui screamed as the palm of her hand slammed into Naoko's face. Her fingers wrapped around her head like octopus tentacles and they weren't going to let go any time soon.

"Damn… That's gotta hurt," Kyoko mused as see watched her friend's limbs flail around under the suffocating hold of Shinji's mother.

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" Like lightning Yui's other hand shot out and latched into Kyoko's tongue. The vice like grip caused all the blood to rush at the tip of the tongue and swell.

The three remaining school girls quickly gathered around and began trying to convince Yui to release the other two so they could help Shinji. But the bloodlust in Yui's eyes was much stronger than any of their words.

Suddenly there was a mechanical hiss from the direction of the vat where Shinji had supposedly fallen in. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over. It was Ritsuko and she was being held up by Maya.

"All of you… are completely useless…" the blonde rasped. Her short breathlessness and irregular heart beat was proof that she was still feeling the effects of the stun gun from earlier.

What Ritsuko had done was activate the emergency release. This would pump the contents of the vat to a waste overflow. Working with possible hazardous materials had ensured that NERV built several safety mechanisms. The truth was that Ritsuko designed all the safety mechanisms at NERV Heavy Industries for her own sake and not to comply with any workplace health and safety laws. The woman wasn't stupid she worked on a daily basis with Yui and Co. with dangerous chemicals and machinery.

"Shinji!" Not content that the draining process was going quickly enough, the crazed mother picked up both of her friends by the ankle and began swinging them against the base of the vat like a lumberjack trying to fell a grand old tree. A loud hollow dong similar to the banging of an empty cargo ship hull rang out as Kyoko's and Naoko's heads made contact with the steel vat.

Surprisingly, Yui's efforts did seem to have some effect. The vat slowly inched over its side with each strike until it had reached the point of no return.

"Now would be a good time to run," Ritsuko suggested to everyone as the tilting vat caused the already weaken structure of the walkway to vibrate. Fragments of broken steel began raining down as the girls scattered for safety screaming hysterically. Ritsuko had to be helped by Maya and the pair of them hobbled along. Everyone's screaming was soon over awed by the sound of twisting and falling metal. As the vat hit the ground, a plume of dust and debris filled the room. The high tech laboratory now resembled an apocalyptic landscape with devastation everywhere. As the dusted settled, they could make out the sound of the remnant NHI081206 pour from the holding vat onto the ground.

"Shinji!" Mana didn't wait for anything and leapt out from her cover.

"No! Wait!" Ritsuko called out to her. "Do touch the liquid! We don't know what it will do."

The most sensible person from the whole group still had her thinking cap on and feared what her mother and Kyoko did to NHI081206.

"But what about Shinji?!" the school girl shouted back.

"We have some hazmat suits. Let's get them on before-"

SPLAT

Just as Ritsuko was about to finish, the sound of bodies hit the floor cover in the altered liquid.

"Awww… my head hurts… hurts so much…" Naoko whined as she pulled her self up from the wet floor. A lump was starting to form where her skull made contact with the steel structure.

"It's safe!" Mana ran towards the middle of the wreckage after Naoko appeared normal while covered in the fluid.

"I said wait!" Ritsuko's words fell on deaf ears as the rest of the gang followed Mana's lead.

"Forget it… See if I care if that stuff makes your hair fall out!" she shouted to them, upset that she was being ignored. Again.

They got on all fours and began searching through the wet wreckage for Shinji. After a few minutes of scrounging around everyone began to get nervous. That was until they heard a strained cough. They looked in the direction of the sound and found that Yui was already there.

"Get out of the way! Let me see!" Asuka pushed past a couple of people not caring who they were. The young girl had also survived the collapse. She found that Yui was standing over a pair of soaked hospital garments. The coughing the sputter was definitely coming from underneath the clothes. Soon everyone had formed a tight ring around the items. Suddenly a tiny hand popped out from underneath which startled everyone. The hand was attached to tiny arm and a tiny body followed.

"What the hell…" Shinji pulled his wet carcass into a sitting position. His head was still spinning from the second free fall in just as many days.

"Shinji?" His mother called out to him with an uncertain voice.

"Yeah…" he ran his hands through his wet hair trying to shake out the excess liquid. While doing this he quickly realised the fat his clothes were missing and immediately covered himself with is hands.

"What's going on?! Where are my clothes?!" everyone circling him pointed to the wet clothes he was practically standing on. Shinji quickly grabbed it and covered himself. It was then he realised that his hospital gown had mysteriously become larger. He held it up and it was about the size of a bed sheet to him. In his haste to correct his sudden case of nudity, Shinji also completely forgot about his broken leg.

"Hang on… Didn't I…" He quickly looked down to where his leg should have been restrained but the cast was missing. Carefully and cautiously he moved his leg and realised that he now had fully mobility.

"HAHA! This is awesome! I don't know what you guys did but my leg is okay now!" Shinji stood up and stamped the ground, testing his leg.

"Ah Shinji…" His mother called out to him again.

"Huh? Hey, how come you are all so big?" he asked looked up at everyone. Then someone held a piece of shiny chrome debris they picked up from the ground in front of him.

"OH MY GOD!!! WHAT THE…"

TOKYO 3 – PRIVATE AIRPORT

Rei and Pen-pen waited patiently under the spotlights beside the runaway. She had changed out of her skin-tight cat-suit and now sported her school uniform. Ground crew scrambled around the pair as they quickly finalised the preparations for the arrival. In the distance a roar of twin jet engines gradually grew louder and louder. It signalled a private jet making its landing approach.

The jet landed with a skid of the tires and shot straight past Rei and Pen-pen. The gust of wind generated was too much for the bird and he had to grab onto Rei's skirt to keep him self from getting blown away.

The ground crew leapt into action. They used the tow car to taxi the jet plane after it had successfully come to a stop at the end of the runway. The aircraft was taxied all the way back to where Rei was standing and Pen-pen who was expressing his anger in a spouting of avian expletives.

As the whine of the jet turbines came to a stop, the cabin door opens and a boarding car with ladder was driven up to it. Rei walked towards the aircraft with a still annoyed Pen-pen in tow.

A woman stepped out of the aircraft and stretched her arms. She gave a loud yawn and surveyed the area. She was an older woman dressed in a traditional kimono. The type of fabric and attention to detail was second to none on the garment. It was the highest of quality and must have been custom made. She wore her hair up in a traditional bun held in place with a delicate flower clip and a pair of stylist chopsticks. Her hair was jet black with only the few grey lines which were the only sign of her true age. She worn little to no make up yet her skin was like porcelain china, unblemished and perfect.

"It's good to be back home," she said to herself as she breathed the fresh night air.

"OH MY! Rei darling!" the woman spotted Rei on the ground at the bottom of the stairs. She quickly raced down and greeted the young school girl with a warm hug.

"It's good to see you Ma'am. Did you have an enjoyable flight?" the female Ikari twin asked while getting the life squeezed out of her.

"How many times have I told you to call me Grandma?" Grandma Gohei Ikari told her grandchild.

"Yes, Grandmother." Rei pulled back from the embrace. "We must hurry I sense that my brother may be in peril."

While Rei was waiting for Gohei's arrive her sixth sense for Shinji was triggered and she was anxious to get back to him.

"I felt it as well but he's not in any immediate danger." The grandmother reassured her as she bent over to pick up Pen-pen. The Shinji sixth sense was beginning to look like a female Ikari trait.

"And you mister," She ruffled the crest on the top of his head. "Aren't you the clever little bird to send Grandma all those photos?" While Grandma Ikari was in the air she had ample time to review all the intelligence and photos the bird and her grand daughter team was able to collect.

"WARK!" 'Your piece of shit jet nearly blew me half way across to China!'

"Now, now Pen-pen. It's thanks you and Rei and I know everything that has been happening to Shinji. After we see him, I have some presents for everyone. I have some special fish and some fancy beer for you and Misato?" she spoke to the penguin and began walking towards to the car waiting for them.

"Wark?!" 'Fish?! Beer?! Hand them over right now! Hey are you listening to me?! Where the hell are we going?! Is the fish on the plane?! Why the hell are we walking away from the fish?! I want my beer women!'

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES HEADQUARTERS

"Take a deep breath in Shinji." Ritsuko instructed the poor boy as she held a stethoscope to his chest. Shinji did so but his breaths in were heavy and anxious. It was impossible for him to relax and his mind was still coming to terms with what had happened to him.

"Am I going to be okay?" he asked with a quiver in his voice.

"So far I haven't found anything out of the ordinary except for the obvious. Your heart rate, blood pressure and all other readings are normal. Then again it is a little hard to conduct a medical examination with a room full of people." Ritsuko and Shinji looked behind to find that everyone had followed them into one of NERV's first aid offices.

"What? Are we in the way?" Kyoko asked.

"Is my baby fine? Can I take him home now?" Yui reached forwarded with both arms only to have them slapped away by Ritsuko.

"All of you don't realise the severity of the situation. This isn't normal! We don't know if these changes in Shinji will be permanent or have some long lasting side effects." The temporary doctor told the group.

"Permanent? Side effects?" Shinji fretted.

"Look what you did?!" Yui half scolded Ritsuko then quickly picked up Shinji and pressed him into her chest "You scared my little Shinji."

"We have to take this seriously. It's not normal for a 1.75 metre person to be shrunk down to less than half a metre!"

"He's not shrunk. He's my Chibi-Shinji!" Yui pulled her miniature son up to her face and pepper him with kisses. As a result of falling in the vat of moisturizer modified by Naoko and Kyoko, Shinji had been shrunk to less than a third of his normal height. His body was in portion just a third smaller. The only good thing to come from all of it was his broken leg mending. Everyone assumed that Kyoko and Naoko missed something in the recoding but they didn't know about Pen-pen's contribution to the programming when he and Rei were collecting information for Grandma Ikari.

"He's so cute! I wanna hold him!" Naoko showing no signs of brain trauma after being used as an axe quickly tried to snatch Shinji from Yui. This started a fight for who would get to hold the poor chibi-fied lad.

"AHHH! Help me!" Shinji shouted as numerous hands roamed and pinched his new body. His cries for help were answered when Asuka stuck her hand into the crowd and yanked him out from the mob.

"Why do you always cause trouble for me baka?" Asuka asked the newly chibi-fied Shinji dangling from the end of her arm like a fish from the catch of the day.

"How is this my fault? I didn't ask to be shrunk. Do you think I enjoy being like this?" He said while hanging upside down.

Asuka had to force herself to not smile. She wouldn't admit it, but the miniature Shinji was extremely cute.

"Well at least your leg is healed now," Hikari said, it was typical of the class representative to look at the positives in a bad situation. She herself was trying not to stare at Shinji's adorable little body.

"Come on let's get you cleaned up." Asuka slung him over his shoulder and began making her way out of the first aid office.

"Huh?! Where are you taking me?! What do you mean clean me up?!" he asked while trying to free himself from Asuka's grasp.

"That's a good idea. We're all hitting showers!" Yui announced and lead a stampede to the showers to clean all the dust and muck on them.

"HEY! IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME?!" Ritsuko shouted but it was too late.

"Be a good girl and clean up the mess Ritsu-chan." Naoko patted her daughter on top of the head like a little animal before running off with the rest of the group but it only came across as condescending gesture.

"Why do I always get stuck cleaning up after them?!" her complaints fell on deaf ears as the chatter of excited females and one very stressed male made it's way down the hallway.

"Well not this time!" Ritsuko was adamant. She was making a stand and then her cell phone began ringing.

"Yes! What is it!?!" she answered the call in an annoyed tone.

(That's no way to answer the telephone. Did you loose your manners while I was gone? You should be more elegant and ladylike) the woman replied on the other end.

"Huh? Who is this?!" Ritsuko recognised the voice from somewhere but just couldn't connect it to a face. She knew that she had definitely heard it before.

(You should say 'may I ask who is speaking' but we can talk about your manners and your love life when you let us in. Now be a dear and open the front gate)

"It can't be!" Ritsuko finally realised who it was and raced over to the nearest terminal to bring up the security camera feed from the front gate.

"Holy shit!" she gasped as Grandma Ikari waved into the camera from the back of a limousine with cell phone.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES HEADQUARTERS – DECONTAMINATION SHOWERS

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Shinji shouted as his newly acquired pipsqueak body ran cross the slippery showers floors. He ran awkwardly with his hands covering his nether regions which also hampered his speed.

"SHIN-CHAN! Get back here! We have to wash your back!" A fully naked Misato lead the chasing pack which consisted of everyone except for Asuka, Hikari and Yui. The three of them opted to casually wash themselves down while the other played chasing games.

"This reminds me of the time we all went to hot springs," Yui mused as she lathered up her arms.

"Whatever…" Asuka replied nonchalant.

"Must run away! Must run away! Must run away!" the tiny blur of a half metre tall naked Shinji flew right in front of them. The body conscious Hikari quickly shielded herself from the only male in the showers while Asuka and Yui continued as if nothing had happen.

"Kyoko! You head him off!" Misato gave the order as she continued to lead the naked pack of females after poor Shinji.

"Right!" Somehow the woman managed to get in front of Shinji. The lad didn't have time to stop and wet slippery tiles caused him to slide towards her.

"Come to mama." Instead of catching the slipping and sliding Shinji with her hands, the mother knelt down and stuck her chest out. The chibi-fied Shinji slotted right between Kyoko's chest like a key would fit a lock. As she stood up his little feet kicked around in a vain attempt to try and get away.

"Hey!" Misato yelled in an annoyed tone and then snatched Shinji to free him from one of his most pleasurable snares.

"Thanks Misato." The boy thanked the other woman as he sensed something resembling common sense prevailing. But he was expecting a little too much.

"Only I can do that to my Shin-chan!" Misato forcible shoved Shinji's head between her breasts.

"Hehehe…" the purple haired beauty giggled, "Your skin is so soft Shin-chan."

"Let me play with him!" Naoko jumped in holding something between her hands. It was a miniature mermaid costume.

"That's so cute!" Mana felt the scales made from sequins on the material between her fingers.

"Where did you get it from?" She asked.

"I just made it," Naoko Akagi said proudly.

"What just then?" Mana was shocked by the response.

"Of course. Don't you carry around an emergency cosplay sewing kit?" Naoko held up the outfit to judge the sizing as Shinji remained stuck between in Misato's breasts.

"I think the Little Red Riding Hood costume is what we should do next," Kodama suggested as she tickled Shinji's feet.

"That's a brilliant idea! I just happen to have the prefect material as well!" Before the Shinji dress up would even begin a hand grabbed onto Shinji ankle and yanked him free.

"What the?!" One moment his was suffocating under the mounds of fleshy goodness and the next he was planted back on the shower floors with water poured all over him. It was a quick and cold shock back to reality.

"Sit still." Shinji turned around to see that his rescuer was Asuka again.

"While don't you take a picture it last longer?" Asuka asked as Shinji's eyes fixated on her bare body. Her words quickly prompted him to whip his head around and slap his hands over his eyes.

"Awww… is my baby scared that the shampoo is going to hurt your eyes," Yui said while she began working in the shampoo rinse in her son's hair.

The playful banter continued with the new miniaturised Shinji as the object of everyone's attention. While his body may have been chibi-fied it still function and reacted like any normal fourteen year old boy's body would. As numerous hands wandered across him, it sparked off an involuntary reaction from the lower half of his body. The particular appendage had a mind of its own and began doing things which Shinji couldn't control.

"Oh my…" Yui gasped but then changed her tone. "I'm so proud. My Shinji has grown up to become a fine young man!"

"AHHH!!! EVERYONE STOP!!!" he pleaded.

"My Shin-chan's lollypop has comeback!" Misato rejoiced but before she could un-wrap her human sweet someone broke the moment.

"For God's sake I was knocking on the door for about five minutes!" Ritsuko yelled into the shower room.

"Ah! Ritsuko the lesbian has come to watch us shower!" Kyoko panicked and quickly covered herself which set off a chain reaction in the other girls as they all followed.

"I'M NOT A LESBIAN!!!" the blonde woman screamed defending her sexuality.

"A lesbian? Is there something that you haven't told Grandma?" a second woman's voice spoke which got everyone's attention again.

"Huh? Grandma?" Everyone questioned as Ritsuko stepped aside and through the steam a female figure approached the group.

"No…" Yui whispered under her breath as the mother and daughter locked eyes.

"Now, how about you greet your mother properly Yui-chan? The same goes to you as well Kyoko-chan, Naoko-chan," Grandma Ikari said to daughter and everyone.

"What are you doing here?!" in a panic she grabbed Shinji and hid him behind her. Kyoko and Naoko followed suit and help form a human wall shielding. The three knew that if Yui's mother found out what had happen to Shinji there would be consequences to be paid. Everyone else in the room looked on with interested as it appeared that the mother trio were intimidated by the presence of Gohei Ikari.

WHACK.

"How many times have I told you that you it's rude to ask questions with saying hello first?" Grandma delivered a blow to the top of Yui's head with a closed fist. She instantly grabbed the point of the blow and started rubbing it.

WHACK. WHACK.

Grandma delivered two more blows to Kyoko and Naoko. "Don't just sit next to her like statues. Say something."

"Is she really…" Mana began whispering to Misato but she cut her off before she could finish.

"Yup. That's Grandma Gohei Ikari. Yui's mother," Misato answered.

"Oh you must be Mana Kirashima; the only daughter and heir to the Kirashima Corporation. You attend the same school and class as my grandchild, Shinji," Grandma said approaching the young school girl.

"Yeah… how did you know?" Mana was surprised that the woman in front of her whom she had never met knew about her.

"I also know that you and Ms Sohryu have been vying for Shinji's affections before high school. It was a bit of good fortune that you and he won that holiday to the hot springs." Grandma continued as Mana just stood there unable to say anything.

"Of course that would have been a perfect getaway for just the two of you except that particular parties decided to get themselves involved." Daggered eyes shot over in the mothers' direction.

"Like hell I would let her and Shinji go alone," Asuka expressed her view which caused Gohei to turn her attention to her.

"My young Asuka… I bet your father showing up was a spanner in the work but I must admit that it did provide a convenient excuse for you to try and marry my only grandson." Grandma's words caused a slight blush on Asuka.

"Marry?! What the hell?!" Mana took strong objection to what Grandma suggested and shoved Asuka. Luckily Gohei was quick to stop both girls both anything more could happen.

"Hey Granny! I've been good! Did you bring me back a present?" Misato peaked up beside her.

"Of course dear. But first I want to see my only grandson." She then turned back to the three mothers.

"Shit… we're screwed…" Kyoko whispered under her breath as she continued to think up an excuse for Shinji's latest physical changes not to mention all the other so called accidents the poor boy has had to go through.

"Leave everything to me," Naoko whispered back and then stood up to approach grandma.

"She's got guts… What do think Yui? If we make a break for the door, can we make it?" Kyoko asked her other partner in crime and then noticed an intense stare from the other woman.

"You have something to say Naoko-chan?" Gohei inquired.

"Yes I do… Ahem!" the courageous mother cleared her throat.

"IT WAS ALL THEIR IDEA! THEY MADE ME DO IT!" She pointed an accusing finger at Kyoko and Yui in an attempt to clear her name from any blame.

"BITCH/ TRAITOR!" both women shouted back at her.

"Ah! You see they always pick on me," Naoko pretended to be scared and hid behind Gohei. To add insult to injury Naoko began pulling faces at the pair while using Gohei as a shield. It was the last straw for Kyoko and Yui as the both of them leapt up trying to kill their friend.

"I must apologise for their behaviour. These girls never learn," Grandma said to Hikari and Kodama as she easily kept the trio apart from causing grievous bodily harm. "It must be hard for the class representative to sit by and see all this happen and try not to help."

"Ah! Thank God!" A boy's voice breathed a sigh of relief as it caused the entire ruckus to stop. While Kyoko and Yui tried to attack Naoko they had inadvertently allow Shinji to get free and with the shampoo and soap blinding his sight, he wondered around aimlessly trying to feel his always around.

"Shinji?" Gohei called out to him while trying to register that a half metre naked male human was who she thought it was.

"Huh? That voice? Grandma?" Shinji ask as he spun around to try and get a position where the familiar voice came from but as he did was slip and fall onto his backside.

Gohei bent over and pickup little Shinji and held him eye level with her. At the same time Shinji had wiped the annoying liquid from his eyes and allowed him to see a little.

"My grandchild! What happen? Who did this to you?" realisation had set in and over whelming concern flooded Gohei but Shinji was more concern with hiding his nudity with his hand moving from his eyes to his groin region.

"After I broke my leg, everyone tried to help and…" he started explaining but was interrupted.

"Everyone tried to help did they?" She asked with an growing eye brow twitch getting worse and worse still.

"If everyone wanted you help you then why are they all trying to sneak away?" Gohei asked as she sensed everyone was carefully tip-toeing away trying to escape.

"Well… they did try to do their best and they had good intensions," Shinji faked a laugh trying to ease his grandmother's growing rage.

"Rei honey, take your brother home. I have a little business to take care of here." The oldest Ikari carefully handed Shinji over to his sister like he was a new born and she wrapped him up in her school jumper.

"You new appearance is very endearing, brother." She told him as she cradled him.

"Don't you start…" Shinji deadpan to his sister.

"Don't worry dear grandson. Grandmother will take care of everything." She reassured him as the woman proceeded to grab whoever was closest and give them the beating of a life time.

THE NEXT MORNING – SOHRYU HOUSEHOLD

"God… Do you think we lost her?" Kyoko asked between deep breathes. She had one hand on the wall of her house to prop herself up. A whole night of running from Grandma Gohei Ikari left her with little strength.

"I fired all my tranquiller darts… The thing just kept on coming." Naoko said and then exhaustedly slumped to the ground with her hunting rifle over one shoulder. Naoko knew that some of her darts were on target but they did nothing to slow down the rampaging grandmother determined to exact some punishment.

"I've never seen anything like that," Kodama huffed before falling face first into the ground. "She went through straight through buildings. I thought we were going to die when that parking lot collapsed."

The group were chased all over the city, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. The streets and buildings of Tokyo Three became a giant maze for the cat and mouse chase. In the end there wasn't much of a maze left. They had all seen Godzilla movies and Gohei was hundred times worst. Yui's rampages didn't even measure up to her mother's.

"What about those power lines? She was lit up like a Christmas tree but still came after us," Mana recounted the time when everyone ran into a power substation. It had honestly seemed like a good idea at the time. After all who would plough through a field mine field of high voltage equipment. Gohei ignored the warning signs on the fence.

"Stay on your guard everyone!" Yui told everyone. Out of the whole group she was the only one to not show signs tiredness or fatigue. "She may still be around."

"Why are we doing this?!" a confused Hikari spoke up. "Isn't she your mother?"

"You girls don't know Gohei Ikari," Kyoko told her. "There is no reasoning with her when she gets like this."

"Pfft! She thinks she's so tough because she's …" Naoko spat in disgust but was cut off.

"Shhh! You know what happens if people find out about her." It was Kyoko that quickly stopped her friend from revealing the truth.

"What happens? What is she?" Mana was curiosity ever since they she had met the older Ikari in the NERV showers. It nagged her that this woman knew about her feelings for Shinji.

"Not this story again…" Ritsuko shook her head as she had rumours about grandma Ikari many times before. As the only sensible person in the group she didn't believe any of the stories.

"There you all are!"

Everyone looked up to where the voice came from and found grandma Ikari leaning out a on a window sill. She was wearing a cooking apron over her kimono and showed no signs of the night's pursuit. A bright smile was on her face instead of the snarling fangs that threaten to devour them all last night. Everyone jumped behind Yui as a shield.

"You girls must be tired from running all night. I'm really sorry you all got caught up in that. Why don't you come in and have something to eat, breakfast is ready. I'll explain everything inside," she said to the school girls.

"No don't! It's a trap!" Yui tried to warn everybody but it was too late.

"Wow… I only just realised how hungry I was after Granny reminded me," Naoko said as she entered the house with the rest of the gang following. The night's chase all but forgotten from everyone's minds.

"Stop pouting Yui. You are a grown woman and a mother you should like more like it." Gohei told her daughter.

"NOW YOU LISTEN HERE!" Yui fired back but just had the window closed in her face which just infuriated her even more. Realising that stewing in her own anger wasn't going to help her get rid of her own mother, she stomped into the house along with everyone.

"Wow Gran! Are these your famous steamed pork buns?" Misato asked as she juggled one of the fresh hot buns between her hands.

"Of course. You all have as much as you like. God knows how you all have been surviving without a decent meal," Gohei replied while placing more into the steamer. Her comment was an indirect slur towards her daughter and caused an already throbbing vein on Yui's forehead to grow more.

"You girls eat up as well." She then placed a full tray of buns on the table for the school girls. "All that exercise last night must have taken a toll. If you want to develop health bodies for my Shinji then you have to eat up."

"My… Shinji…" Yui's knuckles began to crack as she was having major issues controlling her temper at this moment.

Hikari was hesitant to accept the generous offer unlike her sister and friends. Gohei was quick to pick on this.

"There's no need to be cautious Ms. Class Representative. It's not like I would poison any of you." She then cast an evil glint over to Kyoko and Naoko which prompted the two to begin throwing up what they had eaten in the nearest waste basket.

"How… How?" Hikari stammered nervously.

"How did I know that you were the Class Representative? I know a lot of things. What sort of grandmother would I be if I didn't know what was going on in my family's life?" She replied casually taking a seat at the table to girls with a cup of tea.

"That reminds me. Shinji is resting in your bed Asuka. My poor grandson was exhausted after everything he had been through." She shot some more daggers at Yui and the other mothers. Yui replied in kind with her own death stare, "I figured that you two have slept in the same bed before so you wouldn't mind."

Gohei's words stopped the girls from eating and caused Asuka to begin choking on her piece of pork bun.

"Asuka! How could you?!" the highly moral Hikari was first to voice her opinion.

"It's not what you think?!" the young redhead tried to explain over the grinding teeth and popping knuckles of Mana and Kodama.

"Don't worry. Asuka is too scared do anything with Shinji," Misato spoke up with a mouth full of pork bun.

"It's a lot further then you have got with him!" Asuka attacked back and slammed her fist into the table which was the start of another Asuka and Misato shouting match.

"Come on you two!" Yui grabbed her two best friends by the back of their shirts and reefed their head out of the bin, "Let's go check on Shinji."

"The antidote! Give me the antidote!" Naoko shouted and kicked around as she was being dragged around by Yui. She was still worried that Gohei had deliberately poisoned her.

"It's good to be back in a house full of life again," Grandma Ikari said to herself smiling behind her cup of tea.

The three mothers reached Asuka's bedroom and the door was closed. Instead of knocking and entering Yui began feeling around the frame of the door.

"What are you doing?" Kyoko asked. The possibility of having ingested poison all but forgotten.

"She may have placed some traps for us. That's what I would have done." Yui explained her actions. Her two accomplishes looked at each other and then took three steps back away from the door.

"I think… ah… I need to use the bathroom." Kyoko made up some flimsy excuse to get away. She knew that Gohei's traps where much worst then anything that Yui could ever conceive.

"Yeah I need to go wee-wee as well." Naoko second the motion but before they can get away Yui dragged them back almost breaking their wrists.

"It's clear. Stop being such chickens!" Yui scolded them and opened the door. The room was quiet and just like Gohei told them the still chibi-fied Shinji laid resting peacefully in the middle of Asuka's bed. It was a single bed and he looked so small and helpless lying on it.

"Awww… He looks so cute." Naoko squealed as she went to pick up Shinji but her hands was slapped away by Yui.

"He's my son. I'm holding him!" she told Naoko. Her words left no room for any negotiations.

Yui carefully lifted Shinji so not to wake him. She cradled him like he was a new born again. His presence in her arms gave her an warmth within her which she hadn't felt in a long time. He stirred a little and then instinctively nestle closer into her chest.

"Are you crying?" Naoko asked Yui who didn't answer but just continued to star down at Shinji.

"Ah… Yui…" Kyoko began speaking.

"Why can't they just stay like this, Naoko?" Yui asked rhetorically as she sniffed away a few tears.

"I hate to ruin this moment but…" Kyoko interrupted again.

"I'm holding him next! You just wait your turn!" Naoko snapped at her friend while she played with Shinji's tiny hand.

"Fine! Don't say I didn't try to warn you!" The shouting caused Shinji to wake. He rubbed his eyes and it took him a while to focus. It also took him a moment to realise where he was and being in close proximity to his mother's chest area freaked him out.

"WHAT THE HELL!!!" He exclaimed and began fighting to get away.

"Shhh… It's alright Shinji." Yui tried to calm him down. He stopped when he saw something coming down from the ceiling. Suddenly Yui and Naoko felt something wrap around their throats and then hoist then up into the air. The thin wire instantly interrupted the air supply and was cutting into their skin. Yui unintentionally dropped Shinji as she struggled against the strangulation.

Kyoko realised that in Shinji's current state the fall from would be harmful to him. She dove forward and used her bosom as a crash mat for the chibi-fied boy.

"Thanks Kyoko-san," Shinji smiled his rescuer.

"No. Thank you Shinji." She winked playfully at him which caused him to realise what he was holding. He quickly went leap off the women's chest but was held down by two arms wrapping around him.

"I thought you said everything was clear!" Naoko coughed and splattered as she struggled around in mid air. While almost blacking out from asphyxiation she still managed to deliver a swift kick to Yui's backside.

"Release my brother." The muzzle of a shotgun was placed against the temple of Kyoko Sohryu. Shinji turned to his side to find Rei was on the other end of the loaded weapon. She held the firearm in one arm and in the other were the wires strangling Naoko and Yui.

"Rei! It's alright! You don't have to do this." Shinji waved his arms around trying to convince his sister that her extreme methods were not necessary. She meant well but was just a little drastic.

"Fear not brother. No harm shall come to you." She said with unwavering determination and resolve, "No matter what the threat, I will protect you. Even if that threat is mother."

"Do something! She's your daughter!" Naoko exclaimed and kicked Yui in the ass again.

"Stop kicking me fatty!" Yui stopped trying to free herself and replied in kind with a strong boot of her own.

"Did you just call me fatty?!" That was the start of a kicking war. Both combatants didn't care that their heads were about to pop right off their neck as long as they won this fight.

"Don't worry Shinji." Another pair of arms came down pick him up from the waist, "Rei is just being a big sister looking her little brother."

"What the?! Gran? You have to do something!" Shinji pleaded to Gohei to stop the violence.

"First things first: we have to get you breakfast and may be you can explain to me what has really been happening while I was away." Grandma Ikari began walking away with chibi Shinji in her arms.

"I'll leave the rest to you Rei-chan. I'll save a few of my special pork buns for you." The oldest female Ikari informed the youngest female Ikari.

"You made your pork buns?!" Shinji asked all excited and completely forgetting about everything happening in Asuka's bedroom. Grandmother and grandson walked away to the pleas of the three women.

"Your crimes will not go unpunished," Rei hissed as she closed the door to the bedroom.

"What's going on up there?" Asuka took a break from shouting at Misato to check what all the commotion was coming from upstairs. She had meet Gohei and Shinji half way down the stairs. Suddenly there was a muffled explosion immediately followed by a plume of black smoke coming from Asuka's room.

"I guess I really should see what happen." Gohei sighed and handled over Shinji to Asuka who was not expecting him and for a moment juggled him in her arms, "Take him downstairs I'll be back down in a moment."

"You look terrible. Did you stay up all might?" Shinji asked Asuka as he noticed her dishevel and tired appearance.

"Geez Baka, do you say that to all the girls you greet in the morning?" Asuka huffed. Shinji was right though – she didn't have the strength and couldn't be bothered arguing with him at the moment.

They reached the main dinning table where the rest of the girls where. It was unusually quiet as everyone had fallen asleep from exhaustion of last night's chase. Even a second explosion from above didn't stir them from their deep slumber. Asuka plonked herself back in her seat with Shinji in her lap.

"Here. Eat." She grabbed the nearest pork bun and jammed it into his mouth.

"Hey watch it!" Shinji told her but then realised that she had also fallen sleep as soon as she had sat down.

"Sleep well Asuka," he said as he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. Even in her current state, Asuka's sleeping face still reminded him of an angel. Content with his pork bun, Shinji began to eat in silence with the occasion rumble coming from upstairs.

LATER THAT DAY

"Rei honey could you dry while I wash?" Gohei asked her grand daughter as she began to clean up after finishing cooking her speciality. Everyone was still fast asleep from the morning. Everyone was so tired that Shinji, Rei and Gohei could go about normally without having to tip toe.

"I just have one more body." Rei answered as she dropped Naoko's unconscious body from her shoulder onto the ground on top of Yui.

"Rei you didn't?!" Shinji asked from top of the dinning table.

"They are merely unconscious. They should have no long term physical injuries." Rei informed her brother as she went to retrieve the last body.

"Oh that's good… wait! Long term physical injuries?!" he exclaimed.

"Don't worry dear," Grandma reassured Shinji, "My girls may be a little thick but they're not that weak."

"Okay… If you say so." Figuring that he couldn't do much in his chibi-fied condition his attention went back to the chrome kettle on the dinning table to continue looking at him self. He still had difficulty believing what had happen to him.

"If you are worried about being shrunk, I have my people working on a solution." Gohei told him all the while continuing to wash the dishes, "It's their only priority. All their other projects like the stem cell research and human cloning are put on hold until we fix you right up."

"Human cloning?" he asked.

"Opps, I guess I said a little too much," she giggled in an attempt to convince her grandson that she was being silly.

"Hey Gran, what is that you do?" Shinji asked another question, "Mum never really talks about you or grandpa. And I was just wondering…" He was interrupted by her mobile phone ringing.

"Sorry dear. I have to take this." She grabbed the phone and held between her shoulder and ear while still continuing to her chore.

"Yes what is it?" she answered but in a different voice. It wasn't the loving grandmother voice she would address Shinji or Rei with but a more formal almost in a dictator-like fashion.

"Now you listen! It took three weeks to broker that peace agreement. If he doesn't accept those refugees, I'm talking sanctions, blockages, the whole works. I'll seize all his assets, military forces and bomb his country back into the Dark Ages. If that doesn't work then we can use his daughter as leverage," she barked into her phone.

"Bio and nuclear threat? Are you sure he said that? I see. Then make it look like an accident but first make examples of his wife and daughter. I want him to suffer." She continued as Shinji looked on in amazement as he didn't know if he had to be shocked or afraid.

"I don't care if the church won't like it. We have those photos of his Holiness that we can use if required. How is the research into those samples I sent last night?"

"I told you it was my grandson. Tell them that they have twenty four hours to have a vaccine. For every hour had passes twenty four it will be a family member of the research team," she finished abruptly and hung up her phone.

"I'm sorry Shinji dear, you were saying something?" Gohei reverted back to her normal loving and caring voice. Shinji immediately try to hide behind the kettle.

"Oh! Does my grandson want to play hide and seek!" Gohei began to playfully stalk towards Shinji.

'Christ! It's no wonder they are all scared of her!' he thought as he wrapped himself in a little ball.

DING DONG

"Rei would you see who that was? I'm just playing with Shinji." Gohei requested as she grabbed Shinji and began tickling him. The poor lad couldn't help but laugh aloud. Rei dumped Kyoko body onto the pile and went to see who was at the door.

"I never knew you were so ticklish." Gohei laughed with Shinji as he squirmed under her fingers. The laughter stopped when Gohei stopped.

"Do you what to know what I do and who I am?" She asked Shinji.

"Well… Ah…" Shinji didn't know how to respond.

"That's easy Shinji! I'm your grandmother." She told him with a wink and then pulled him into a big hug.

"Excuse me brother." Rei had returned from answering the door and held out an envelope addressed to him, "It was your friends. They were told by the principle to give you this letter. I told them that you were resting. I assumed that you wish not to see them in your current physical condition."

"Yeah, thanks Rei." Shinji was let down onto the table and he began opening the letter. He started reading it when and then dropped to his knees.

"Shinji?! What is it/ Brother?!" Rei and Gohei asked him full of concern.

"I… I… I…" he stammered as they both waited for him to finish.

"I've been expelled from school." He said dropping the letter.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Another long-ish chapter (it would just over 8000 words) but introducing the mystery person that tag team Rei and Pen-pen were working was a bit of fun. BTW, Gohei Ikari isn't really Shinji's grandmother's name. As far as I know, grand parents never got mention in the anime or the manga series. The idea for a grandmother really came about from Yui and the other mothers getting their own way all the time. I thought what could be the scarier then Yui, Kyoko and Naoko combined and the only logical answer was the monster that spawned and raised them.

Next on the agenda, would be the chibi-fied Shinji idea. I'm sure that get some flames about that idea. All I can say that it seem good at the time. Plus it isn't supposed to be taken seriously.

But on some serious note, I've decided on ending and plan to have this thing finished before chapter 24. Kinda like one season of a real series. I guess that means you guys don't have to put up with my ramblings much longer :P

Thanks to Lord Raa and Wicker Man and thanks for reading, Wonga316


	22. Chapter 22

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 22

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

CONTACT  
Email - wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
LiveJournal – wonga316(dot)livejournal(dot)com

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR / CATERING / STUNT DOUBLE  
TheWickerMan (Some say he was say he prefers his women nicely toasted with a flame thrower, all we know he's called TheWickerMan)

PROOF READER / EXECUTIVE PRODUCER / TEA LADY  
Lord Raa (Some say he killed four men with his bare testicles, all we know he's called Lord Raa)

DATE POSTED  
20070507

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

SOHRYU RESIDENCE

"Give me that?!" Gohei quickly snatched the letter from her miniaturised grandson. Her anger not aimed at him but what the letter said. She began reading it aloud to just make sure it wasn't a mistake.

_"Dear Parent,_

_This is letter is to inform you that I am considering expelling your child, Shinji Ikari, from Tokyo Three Junior High School. This action has been taken consistent with the procedures of the Department of Education and Training for disciplinary action from a particular school and this school's discipline code._

_The form of punishment considered would mean that your child would be expelled from this school only. I have decided to consider excluding your child from this school after consideration of the following facts 1) constant absenteeism and 2) destruction of school property._

_You have seven school days to respond to this advice prior to the final decision being taken. Please contact my office as soon as possible on the phone number above to arrange a meeting to discuss this matter. At this meeting I will explain the implications of expulsion and your appeal rights. You may wish to have a support person at this meeting._

_Signed_

_Kosuke Saito_

_Headmaster of Tokyo Three Junior High School"_

"Your friends must have mistaken you as the intended recipient of the letter," Rei deduced casually, the news of her brother's expulsion didn't seem to faze her.

"Rei…" Gohei's voice lost all emotion and went icy cold. "All I need is a recent picture of this headmaster. We have his name. I can have my Delta team airborne in twenty minutes."

"Ah! Look gran! It's probably just Ken and Touji joking around. So there's no real need to get upset. They can be real pranksters. Hahaha." Shinji tried to diffuse the situation which was quickly escalating into a manhunt for Principle Saito.

"Don't worry about a thing Shinji. Grandma is going to fix everything. I don't need my Delta team. All I need is a pair of pliers, ten gallons of motor oil and a cheese grater." She smiled at him but all Shinji couldn't keep his eyes off the growing vein on her forehead much like Yui.

"Who has cheese?" everyone turned around to see that Naoko had regained consciousness, "What are you reading? I wanna see."

She snatched the letter from Gohei who was already devising the best way to keep the principle alive for as long as possible to inflict the most torture possible.

"Shinji expelled?" the Akagi woman looked down at the chibi-fied boy who just laughed nervously, "Shinji you dirty dog! Did you get busted fondling the school nurse? Is that the reason why you got expelled?"

"What?! You just made that up!" he protested the joking accusation. Seeing the pint sized version of Shinji react angrily caused him to be the centre of attention again. It was just too amusing and cute to see Shinji this way.

"Ungh… Shinji?" Yui moan from the floor with Kyoko still lying on top of her.

"Oh God! This is bad!" Shinji knew that if his mother read that letter there would be hell to pay. He was already going to have his hands full trying to convince Gohei to call back whatever forces she had already set in motion. The last thing he needed was his mother going on another rampage.

"Hey give it to me!" he jumped up and down trying to grab the letter from Naoko but the woman just continued to dangle it just out his reach like a little kitten with a ball of string.

"I'll give you the letter back on one condition." She teased him, "I want you to show my Ritsuko-chan what you did to the school nurse. She has been missing some manly attention lately."

"I didn't do anything to the school nurse!" he exclaimed again while still trying to reach for the letter.

"Oh, in that case how about some of that cheese you promised earlier on." She compromised.

"Cheese?! What are you talking about?! Just give it back before they all wake up!" in his desperation he realised that he was shouting but it was too late as everyone was back on their feet.

"Why are you so upset Shinji?" Yui asked stretching her the stiffness out from her neck.

"Hey Shinji got expelled," Naoko replied as she handed the letter to Yui and then walked towards the kitchen. "There has to be some cheese in this house some where."

"Expelled?" Yui began reading the letter and as she got closer to the end her hands around the edges of the letter began to shake more and more violently.

"What's going on Shinji?" a whole host of question bombarded Shinji from the Mana and the other schoolgirls as he just looked for an escape route. But he was completely surrounded.

"Oh…crap…" he decided to give up and quickly placed his fingers into his ears to protect his ear drums.

"ARRRGH!!! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT HEADMASTER MOTHER FUC…!!!"

TOKYO THREE HOSPITAL

"GASP!" Gendo sat straight up in his bed after he felt familiar terrifying sensation course through his body. A nurse was walking past his room and noticed the father startle.

"Mr. Ikari!" She rushed into the room and immediately tried to push him back down onto the bed, "You have been in a coma you mustn't move!"

"Coma? Damn… even on the brink of death that woman can still haunt me." He flopped back down onto the bed must the nurse's relief.

"Please lay still. I'll get the doctor to look at you right away." She raced out the door to find the on duty doctor. Gendo turned his head towards the window. The frame was closed shut to prevent the air conditioned air from escaping. He noticed that glass pane in the window shake and vibrate within its rails from a familiar force he knew and feared well. It wasn't Mother Nature's wind and something much more frightening.

"I wish you luck boy… There's not much I can do to help from here. You are on your own."

SOHRYU RESIDENCE

With his eyes closed and his fingers still in his ears, Shinji sat in Rei's lap surrounded by the others girls from his school. Asuka ranted on how dumb he was while Mana demanded answers. Hikari was more diplomatic and continued to reassure him that it was just a misunderstanding on the headmaster's part. Kodama continued Naoko's line of teasing with some alleged lewd act towards to school nurse was his downfall.

"ARGH!" Yui had not calmed down since reading the news and was throwing everything in sight that wasn't nailed down. She had already sent the dinning table and chairs on their way and was working on the major kitchen appliances.

"NOT THE KITCHEN!!!" Kyoko cried out and jumped on the rampaging mother's back to try and save what was left of her home.

"That's right." Gohei was back on her cell phone talking to one of her contacts. "When you find that son of bitch and his family I want them all alive. I'll be handling the interrogation personally. There's no need for a quick disposal. I want this to be public and bloody."

She decided on contacting her professional people for assistance but was still adamant that she have a part of the action.

"HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?!" Naoko shouted with a mouth full of cheese as Yui hoisted the refrigerator above her head.

"STOP STUFFING YOUR FACE AND HELP, FAT ASS!" Kyoko screamed at Naoko as she continued to wrestle Yui in order to save her fridge.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT, YOU GERMAN HEIFER?! AND YOU CALL THIS CRAP CHEESE?!" Naoko shouted back with chunks of cheese flying from her mouth. The woman was adopting a Koala bear hug hold around the refrigerator in a vain attempt to save her food.

"IT'S BLUE LABEL! AND I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT GERMAN!!!"

"Wait! Something is missing?!" Yui stopped midway way through her rampage and switched off the berserker mode. She felt something was astray from the melee and didn't seem right.

"I'll tell you what's missing?! ALL MY WHITE GOODS YOU PSYCHOTIC BITCH!!!" Kyoko was borderline berserker herself now.

"No not that." Yui placed the fridge back onto the ground but accidentally on top of Kyoko's right foot.

"AHHH!!! YOU MOTHERFUC…" Before she could finish her expletive, Naoko had lost her koala grip around the refrigerator and fallen on top of her.

"Misato?" Yui called out for her adopted niece who was keeping to herself in the corner of the room.

The purple haired beauty had somehow managed to find an old fashioned sharpening wheel that was powered by a pedal. Sparks flew off the stone as she sharpened her axe against it.

"Oh, I'll be finished soon. Do you guys need to sharpen your axes as well?" Misato stop grinding and asked the group.

"That's my girl! Your axe will be handy when I finished with the interrogation," Gohei complimented the younger woman. "Have any of you ever tried using a blunt bone saw? Major case of R.S.I."

"Hey Misato…" Kyoko giggle manically with an uneasy twitch. "Do you think I could test that axe for you. You know, just wanna make sure that it works and all."

"I don't know… You promise to give it back?" Misato asked casting a suspicious eye over Kyoko. "Last time I lent you my lipstick and I never saw it again."

"GIVE ME THE DAMN AXE!!!" She roared over the top of everyone. Soon both women were in the middle of a tug a war for the axe.

"Hey Shinji… I've known you and your family for a long time but this is even weird for them." Mana whispered to the boy but it fell on deaf ears. "Hey Shinji are you listening?"

"This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening…." Shinji tried to block all his sense as everyone vented their anger and frustration. His eyes were shut and fingers firmly stuck in his ears. He repeated the same thing over and over again in hope that everything would just disappear.

"MY BABY IS IN SHOCK!" Yui instantly diagnosed Shinji's odd behaviour as a symptom of shock. She trampled over Asuka and Mana to grabbed Shinji from Rei's lap.

"RUN A HOT BATH NOW! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" Yui flew like a tornado towards the stairs but never made it. Grandma Gohei's arm came out and latched on the back of Yui shirt. She was hoisted up off the floor to prevent her getting away but it didn't stop her feet from going a million miles an hour.

"Huh? Bath time? Shinji?" Misato ears had picked up on the two of the words she wanted to hear. The woman let go of the axe causing Kyoko to fly backwards into her own wall.

"Screw this. It's bath time with my Shin-chan!" She followed the exact path that Yui took and ended up in Gohei's grasp just like the mother before her.

"Don't you all think it's about lunch time?" Grandma changed the subject as she lowered the two women. Having set the wheels in motion for her vengeance her parental instincts returned.

"Did someone say lunch?" Naoko stuck her head out from around the corner when she heard one of her favourite words.

"My Shinji, YOUR grandson, is in shock and all you can think about is food?!" Yui snarled at her mother. Gohei didn't have to answer her question as an audible growling stomach was heard coming from the chibi-fied boy.

"You still have much to learn about being a good mother." Gohei said while giving her daughter a condescending pat on the head. Her action caused Yui's blood to boil but before she could launch herself, the grandmother was already on the phone arranging transportation for everyone.

"Wake up Ritsu-chan!" Naoko wandered over to her daughter who was still fast asleep. The blonde scientist had somehow managed to sleep through all the chaos.

"Wake up its lunch time." Shaking didn't work so she resorted to pinching her nose. It blocked Ritsuko airwaves and her gagging for air caused to wake.

"Oh don't forget Pen-pen. The cars will be here soon," Gohei announced to the group.

TOKYO THREE – DOWNTOWN RESTURANT

"WARK!!!" Pen-pen voiced his anger and rage the only way a pint size flightless bird could.

"Pen-pen! Calm down!" Misato tried to reason with her pet as she restrained him. His flippers flapped wildly occasionally smacking her in the side of the head.

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am. It's the restaurant policy to not allow pets inside the dining area," the waitress apologised and explained why she had refused the bird entry into the establishment.

"Couldn't you just let this one time go? He's really very well behaved." Gohei tried to reason with the waitress.

"WARK!!!" 'This is discrimination! You filthy humans are all the same! Let me tell you, these flippers have killed a great many polar bears before you were even an itch in your bastard father's pants!'

"Now now Pen-pen. Grandma is talking." Gohei turned around and patted the bird on the head. "We can hear all about you polar bear stories when we are eating lunch."

"Not his bear hunting stories again…" Yui sighed as she carried Shinji against her shoulder like a sleeping new born. He tried to resist but soon realised that it was futile. All he could wish for was a now was a quick death to end the humiliation.

"At least she hasn't to put me in a baby seat and hand feed me…" Before he could finish, Gohei had managed to reach a compromise.

"I'm afraid that's all the spare change I have at the moment." The grandmother search deep inside the sleeves of her kimono for any more bundles of cash. She had already placed about six wads on the counter which stacked up to about two telephone books high. "If that isn't enough I can have my armoured car bring some more."

"No! No! That's plenty!" the waitress replied with big yen signs as pupils. "Please come in!"

Everyone began to file in following Gohei. Misato and Pen-pen were the last ones in the line.

"Wark!" 'You're lucky I don't bitch slap the ugly back into your fat ass! Yeah keep counting your money. You don't have to moonlight as hooker after your shift is over here!' He finished his tirade with a patent Pen-pen Flipper Flip-off™.

"Come on! Keep moving. I'm not going to bail your butt out of jail like last time." Misato hurried him along to take their place at the largest table inside the Japanese restaurant.

"Oh excuse me!" Yui called out to one of the other waitresses. "Could you bring me a baby booster seat please?"

The two words he was dreading had come. Shinji began fighting and squirming again but he was held tightly by his mother who waited patiently for the waitress to position the required baby chair.

"You are such an energetic little thing!" She said to him as she place into the booster seat and fasten him in. All he could do is let his head bang the plastic tray as Asuka and the other had a good laugh at his expense.

A third waitress arrived with the menu and handed them out to everyone. Kyoko was the only person to not accept a menu.

"Give me everything in this!" She pointed to one of the menus on the table. "Times three. In extra large portions."

"Aren't we a little hungry today?" Yui raised an eyebrow at her friend's order while taking her place next to Shinji who had resorted to chewing his way out of the harness.

"Please don't put that in your mouth brother." Rei told in an almost motherly tone. The girl made sure she sat on the other side of her brother. In his current chibi-fied status he was vulnerable and Rei had adopted a more protective stance with him.

"This is pay back for trashing my house you damned gorilla woman!" Kyoko aimed at running a monstrous bill to exact revenge for her damaged white goods.

"Did you just call me a gorilla woman?" Yui asked after tearing the menu apart at the seams.

WHACK. WHACK.

Gohei delivered two shift blows to Yui and Kyoko stopping another fight from starting. Both women held the top of her heads as their brains continued to bounce around inside their skulls.

"You girls have to learn to behaviour in public." She told them then turning to the waitress. "Three of each item is fine. Thank you."

The young waitress cast a strange look over the group before collect the remaining intact menus and going away. Idle chatter started up between everyone, with most of the attention centred on Shinji. He tried to slap his mother's hands away from tying a baby's bib around his neck. Rei quietly wiped down his tray to make sure that no germs came in contact with him.

The same waitress returned with a jug of water and a number of glasses for everyone. As she poured the water, it reminded Yui of something. It was vital maternal thought that she couldn't believe had slipped her mind.

"Oh this isn't going to do." She said undoing a few buttons and un-tucked a side of her blouse. "New born babies should be drinking mother's breast milk."

The words "breast milk" coming from his mother's lips was something Shinji never wanted to hear. It caused him to spray his mouth full of water out like a fine mist all over the table.

"The hell with this!" Shinji tried again to free himself from the harness holding him securely to the baby chair.

"Awww… Mummy knows you don't like the water. I have some special milk just for you." She mistook his reaction and had not seen to see him fighting vigorously to get free.

"Please brother, I have just cleaned your table," Rei told him and began wiping down his tray again. Gohei ignored her grandson's pleas for help and turned to the girls.

"I guess that this could count as your date with Shinji from the bachelor auction." She said to all of them with a smirk on her face. Everyone acted as expected. It was a racket to say the least. Through the muddle of excuses and apologies came a stranger's voice which caused everyone to stop.

"Yo! What do well have here?" Everyone turned around to see a young man in a cheap suit with a toothpick sticking out of his mouth. He was unshaven and had messy hair. Three other fellows were with him. They too looked like common street thugs with nothing better to do.

"Where is our money bird?" the first man asked Pen-pen before taking his tooth pick and flicking it in his face.

"Wark!" 'Oh Jesus… look man, I have the cash! I just need a little more time!'

"I have no idea what you are saying. I always thought the boss was stupid to lend you that money but now that I've seen the people you company with. I'm starting to understand why he did." The unruly man walked around the table inspecting the smorgasbord of female delights until he was behind Misato. He used two fingers to lift some her hair towards his nose to breath in her perfume. "You know we are also able to accept other forms of payment."

"HENTAI!!!" Quick as a flash Misato picked up the penguin by his web feet and used him like a baseball bat to clobber the pervert sniffing her hair. He went flying backward onto other table causing its legs to break and him land heavily on the ground.

"Well done Misato." A few of the others complimented her on the disposal of the unwanted guest. His three cronies quickly rushed around to help him up but being a tough guy he pushed them away.

"You have one week bird! After that it gets serious!" he threatened, holding onto his bloody nose. The man pushed some other restaurant patrons out of the way and stormed out with the three others following closely behind.

"So Pen-pen… when were you going to tell me that you were having money problems again?" Gohei asked the bird. "You didn't have to borrow from the Yakuza. You could have come to me."

"Yakuza?!" the others gasped.

"You girls didn't see that tattoo on the back of his hand?" Gohei asked. Her eagle eyes noticed the distinctive marks of the man when he lifted Misato's hair.

Misato grabbed her pet by the neck with both hands. He was already dizzy from being smashed against the gangster's face and hadn't even have time to recover.

"Damn it Pen-pen! You've been down the race track again haven't you?!" she shouted into his face.

"Waaark…" 'It was an inside tip paying twenty to one. It was a lock. I couldn't loose.' He muttered while being choked to death.

"Let me get this straight… Your pet… Pen-pen… who is a penguin… borrowed money from the Yakuza to bet money on a fixed horse race?" Kodama asked. She didn't believe what she was asking herself. The older Hokari sister still had difficulties accepting all the strange behaviour from the Ikari family.

"Waaark…" 'It was an investment. Just like the stock market…' the bird replied still seeing stars.

"Investment my ass!" Misato changed from her choke hold to repeatedly smashing Pen-pen's small head against the table.

"There is no need to get worked up. Just let me make a few calls and clear everything up." Gohei reassured everyone but it didn't stop Misato.

"Please Shinji! You must eat. How are you ever going to grow up strong?" Pen-pen's debt collectors went by unnoticed by the mother as she was fully concentrated on try to breast feed Shinji. The boy was lifted out of his baby chair. He had his arms and legs pushing against Yui's chest trying to keep as much distance between him and her bosom. He was putting a good fight against his mother's uncanny strength.

ONE WEEK LATER – TOKYO HIGH SCHOOL LIBRARY

"Asuka… This is never going to work!" Shinji whispered as he stuck his head out her backpack. The pair was on their way to the school library to meet the other girls. Today was the meeting with the school headmaster to determine his educational future at the school. While the mother's would be meeting the headmaster to discuss things, the girls had meet in the library every lunch time to research the school by-laws for any loop holes that would save Shinji's backside.

"Quiet! You want people to notice you." She told him to be quiet but got strange looks from other students who thought she was talking to herself. This caused her to pick up the pace to a gentle jog.

"Waah!" The ride was a little bumpy for the chibi-fied boy who got bounced around inside the backpack.

"It's about time you got here," Mana complained to her rival. Asuka didn't snap back and just placed the backpack in the middle of the table to let Shinji out. The group had booked one of the study rooms so they could have some privacy while they conducted their research.

Shinji staggered out of the bag little knocked around by the ride. He sat himself down to steady himself. But he didn't have much time has a wandering hand began pinching his little cheeks.

"Awww… he's so cute. I have to do this everything I see him!" Kodama continue squeezing him. "I just love his little clothes!"

Shinji's new size meant that all his existing clothes were way too big for him. He convinced Naoko to stop making him little cos-play outfits and eventually she made a simple pair of pants and a plain shirt.

"Ko-da-ma-sem-pai…" he said stammering as she continued to play with him like a little doll.

"Awww… You called me sempai!" She grabbed Shinji and hugged him like a favourite teddy bear.

"If you are finished then maybe we can continue," Rei asked in her usually monotone voice but it still suggested that she wasn't pleased with the way her brother was being treated.

"When is your mother meeting the headmaster?" Hikari asked as she looked down at her watch.

"It should be soon," Rei replied as she returned to her book.

HEADMASTER'S OFFICE

"Listen Yui…" Gohei told her daughter as they waited outside the headmaster's office with the secretary. "I'll do the talking. You are too emotional right now and we can't have any slip ups. Should things start to look bad for us then you put on the water works like we practiced."

"I know, I'm not a little kid anymore," she grumbled. "The only reason we are doing your way is because Shinji liked your plan better."

Gohei sighed. "Yui… hanging Shinji's principle by the ankles from the top of NERV corporate headquarters until he changed his decision isn't going to him get back into school."

"Who said anything about hanging? I was going to throw the bastard off…" the mother of two said as a matter-of-factly and folded her arms together.

"The headmaster is ready. You can go in now," the secretary announced and opened the door to his office.

Inside was the man that held Shinji's educational future in his hands. He sat almost smugly behind his desk. His walls were covered with an assortment of certificates and diplomas that only served to boost his inflated ego.

"Please come in a take a seat." He stood up and showed them to the two visitor chairs. But before Gohei could accept the offer, Yui raced pass her and pounced onto the man's desk. In her hands she wielded a wooden spoon each that she twirled around like some martial arts weapon. A spare spoon was held between her teeth like the military would do a knife or bayonet.

"I knew I should have searched her properly." Gohei slapped her forehead as Yui slammed one of the spoons against the headmaster's windpipe. Before things got really out of hand, Gohei grabbed Yui by the back of the neck and pulled her off the desk. The headmaster collapsed to the ground gasping for air and Yui was thrown back into one of the visitor's chair.

"Sit and don't move!" Grandma her and then went to go check on the struggling man.

"No! Shinji is…" before Yui could finish Gohei let out a booming roar.

"I SAID SIT DOWN!!!" Her angry voice was much scarier and carried more weight than all the mothers combined. Yui instantly curled up in her chair like a frightened little girl.

"You people are all insane! I'm calling the authorities and having you arrested for assault!" The headmaster pushed away Gohei's helping hand. "I always knew that the NERV Corporation buying the school land was the beginning of the end."

"I forgot about that." Gohei then turned to her cowering daughter. "Why didn't you remind me NERV brought Shinji's high school?"

"It sorta slipped my mind. It was such a long time ago." Yui laughed nervously.

"IT WAS LESS THAN A MONTH AGO!" grandma screamed causing Yui to quickly scurry behind the visitor's chair.

"I want my Shinji…" she said with tears welling up under her eyes.

"Just stay there and try not to make any trouble!" Gohei told her like a disobedient puppy. She then turned back to the headmaster who was already half way giving a description of the assault to the police over the phone. This prompted Gohei press the receiver on the handset ending the call.

"What do you think you are doing?!" he demanded.

"Before you bring the authorities into this matter I thought there still might be an opportunity for us to discuss things. My name is Gohei Ikari. I'm Shinji grandmother," Gohei told the man in a formal and assertive voice.

"The situation has gone too far for discussions now. I'm afraid that you people have left the school board and myself no choice." The headmaster was adamant that there was way they could reach a resolution without Shinji being expelled from school.

"I see. I'm sorry to hear that. Now your actions have caused me to do something which I didn't want to do." Gohei countered and motion towards the window. "Look out your window."

He did so. The window over looked the school car park and the main street in front of the school. Right in the middle of the car park stood three bodies each wielding a base ball bat or some sort of club.

"What the?" he queried.

"I heard that you recently purchased a new car." Gohei walked up behind him and spoke into his ear. She then opened the window.

"Yo! Misato!" she sang out to the woman in the middle of the car park.

"Hi granny!" she called back happily waving her bat around. "We're not late are we?"

"No dear! Now, I want you to take care of white one right over there." Gohei pointed to the headmaster's car.

"Okie dokie!" Misato gave her a comical salute and then turned to her two accomplices.

"Grandma says we have to redecorate that car over there." She told Naoko and Kyoko pointing to vehicle that Gohei told her.

"Get outta of the way! I'm first!" Still pissed that a good part of her house was destroyed by Yui, Kyoko was waiting for something like this to vent her frustrations out. She shoved past Misato and Naoko to climb onto of the car's roof. Then proceeded to smash in all the windows.

"Hey! No fair! I wanted to go first!" Naoko whined and quickly ran to the rear of the car to take care of the taillights. This left the front of the car for Misato to remodel.

The headmaster looked on with dumbfound look upon his face. He didn't know how to react. Gohei noticed the impassive exterior of the man and thought it was strange. Suddenly the headmaster began to smile. The smile turned into a giggle, then a laugh and finally a hysterical cackle. The grandmother knew what was happening.

"HEY! EVERYONE YOU CAN STOP!" She shouted from the window.

"Huh?! What for?!" Naoko asked a little annoyed that her fun was being interrupted. It then finally occurred to her.

"Oh! I get it!" She turned to Misato and Kyoko. "Hey guys! Grandma wants safety first! So put on your gloves and safety goggles." She climbed up onto the roof with Kyoko to hand a pair of thick gloves and protective goggles but the other mother just continued to pound way at the car.

"NOT GOGGLES! YOU'RE DESTORYING THE WRONG CAR!!!" Gohei screamed at them for their actions were making her look like a fool in front of the headmaster. When Gohei told her attack crew that they were wailing on the wrong car, the headmaster instantly stopped laughing.

"Ohhh…" The three said simultaneously as they were finally all on the same page.

"Ah… Can I go play with them now?" Yui asked like a little girl from behind the chair. She had heard all the destruction and didn't want to miss out on the fun.

"Just don't…" Before Gohei could finish her sentence, Yui was out the door and already in the school car park.

"DOWN WITH THE MAN!!!" She screamed and flipped over the first vehicle she came across. Her actions started off a chain reaction, the other three followed her lead and proceeded to rampage through anything and everything that wasn't nailed down.

"This isn't what I planned but at least, they eventually get the job done." Gohei sighed as she stepped to the side of the window pulling the headmaster with her. Seconds later, one of the bumpers from a car came flying into the office through the window right where they were standing.

SCHOOL LIBRARY

"Yo boss. Why are we here? Should we be visiting that bird for the money?" Follower number one asked the gangster from the restaurant why they were on school grounds and heading towards the library shoving students out of their path as they went.

Follower Number One might not have been the sharpest tool in the shed but at least he knew today was the last day for Pen-pen to make good with his loan. It didn't make sense that they were at school.

"You dumb-asses don't know anything." The leader stopped and turned to his troupe.

"You don't remember the baby from the restaurant? Who would wanna pay up for a freaking bird? But a baby on the other hand, the parents would be willing to pay us anything to get the little shit back safe and sound." He had remembered seeing Shinji in the baby chair that day at the restaurant and immediately conceived the plan to kidnap Shinji as collateral for the bird's loan.

"Word on the street has it that this family is the same that runs NERV Heavy Industries. We'll be able to make more money today than we would in a life time." He continued walking towards the library.

HEADMASTER'S OFFICE

"BURN! BURN! BURN!" The women in the car park chanted as a burning body of a car hung in the air via a construction crane as a blazing effigy of the object they hated. There wasn't much left intact in the car park. Smashed and dismembered cars laid scattered everywhere. Naoko and Kyoko each wore a tire around their necks as trophies from their kills.

"At least they were resourceful enough to find that crane from somewhere." Gohei shook her head in shame and embarrassment at her girl's behaviour.

"What? What do you want?" the headmaster trembled in fear as he watched helplessly as four women take apart twenty odd cars in under twenty minutes. It wasn't anything he had seen before and it was terrifying. Gohei's girls turned wrecking crew had done their job and instil fear in Shinji's headmaster, not the way she had intended but it worked.

"Oh yes! You have to excuse my mind was else where for a moment." Gohei said to him like everything had had just happen was just the norm. She produced the letter informing them of the school's decide to expel her grandson.

"If itsit's that letter then it never existed!" He said nervously and quickly snatched it from Gohei's hand. The man crunched it up into a ball and proceeded to eat the letter. His actions were just considered strange by the grandmother.

"Men… You are all so stupid except for my grandson…" she said unimpressed by the man's efforts to get rid of the letter. "Who said anything about letting Shinji return to school? In fact, I actually want you to expel him."

"Huh?! What?!" the man muttered as bits of the letter flew from his mouth like wet confetti. "I don't understand. Why go to all this effort and destruction?!"

"You are asking too many questions…" Gohei rubbed her temples as just being in the same room as this man was starting to give her a headache. "Just do your job as the headmaster of this high school and no one will get hurt."

"I don't understand." He replied completely confused with what the woman in front of him was asking.

"Fine, let me put it to you this way." She said in completely different voice than before. Gohei reached inside the sleeve of her kimono and pulled out several photographs. "You have a son called Hajime. He married approximately eighteen months ago to his high school sweetheart. They are expecting their first child towards the end of the year. Congratulations you are going to be a grand parent."

Gohei threw the photos into the headmasters face. They were of his son and daughter in law. It was obvious that she was expecting with a swollen belly. The photos seem to be taken from a distance and without them noticing.

"As a grandparent myself, I can't begin to explain the joy of holding and watching your next generation grow. But if you don't do as you are told, I'll show you how long a premature child and mother will live after a caesarean with a filleting knife."

But Gohei wasn't finished with her threat. She knelt down right next to the man's ear and whispered the last bit.

"I'll personally sew your eyes open so you can watch the whole thing uninterrupted. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

The headmaster couldn't answer and just lost control of his bodily functions. Gohei stepped back when she noticed a growing wet patch on the man's pants and the carpet where he laid.

"Great! I'm glad to see that we understand each other!" She said happily before she went into her grim reaper mode. Gohei went back over to the window to see what the girls were doing.

"Hey! Give that back!" Naoko shouted as Kyoko snapped off a branch holding a few marshmallows she was roasting on one of the burnt out shells of the cars.

"Shut up you fat ass! Look how many you have!" Kyoko was quick to point out that in Naoko's other hand was another branch stuck with marshmallows. It appeared the four of them had gotten bored with mindless destruction and hunger had set in.

"Okay girls!" Gohei clapped her hands to get their attention. "I've sorted everything out. We can get the kids and go home now."

"Hey Naoko, can I have another beer?" Misato asked as she tossed her empty can into a destroyed shell of a car.

"No! Get your own!" Naoko snapped and planted her backside firming onto the ice box holding all the drinks and food she was using as a seat while cooking her marshmallows.

"Why didn't you bring your own stuff?!" Naoko was referring to food and drink. This prompted a fight between the three of them for the contents of the ice box. Yui remained calm and quiet as she sat quietly to the side slipping on her cup of green tea.

Gohei slapped her head and as the headache she got from the headmaster was starting to get worse.

As everyone was too busy doing their own thing they failed to notice the gang of Yakuza from the restaurant last week walk straight past. One of them had a largish sack slung over his shoulder. Something or someone inside the sack moved violently around trying to thrash free.

SCHOOL LIBRARY

"That baka is sure taking his sweet time." Asuka complained out loud as she aimlessly flicked through a very thick book not even bothering to read what was in it. Shinji had left to use the rest room. The girls insisted that someone should accompany him but told them no. He may have been a quarter of his normal size but he wasn't invalid. The toilets were right across the hallway and he made sure that no way around before scurrying towards them.

"You are not helping Asuka. There must be something here that can save Shinji-kun from being expelled," Hikari told her friend. The class representative was perhaps feeling the most guilt over what had happen with Shinji even though she had the least to do with everything.

"Do not concern yourself. This is merely a precaution should the meeting with the headmaster fail to have the expulsion overturned." Rei said and as she finished an explosion from the other side of the school caused all the books on their table move. A big plume of black smoke began to rise into the sky.

"That sounded like it came from the car park." Mana went over to the window to see what was happening.

"The meeting did not go well." Rei sighed as she knew the headmaster's office over looked the car park and any explosion meant that they did not get the desired result. Her mind then wondered to her twin brother and she thought along the same lines as Asuka with Shinji taking a little longer than usual. She looked out into the hallway way to the boy's toilets and noticed the door slightly ajar.

Without a second to waste, Rei rushed towards the boys' toilets. She kicked the door open with such force that it was almost ripped off its hinges. The other girls instantly knew something that to be wrong to make Rei act like this way and followed her. They watched normally calm and passive girl kick open each stall. They were all empty and Shinji was no where to be found.

"Baka! This isn't funny! If you are joking around, I'll tear your balls off!" Asuka shouted but her threat carried a hint of trepidation and fear.

Rei didn't have time to waste and ignored the other girls to race back outside. She started running towards the rising stack of smoke while making an urgent call on her cell phone.

"Code: Lance of Longinus. Repeat, code: Lance of Longinus!"

HEADMASTER'S OFFICE

Gohei was making her way towards the car park to try and reign in Yui and her friends. She was almost out the door when her cell phone began vibrating. It was a message which literally caused her to fall to her knees. She quickly composed herself and made an urgent phone call.

"Lock down the surround five city blocks from my current location. No one gets out. Shoot anyone who resist. Mobilise air and ground units. I'll be setting up tactical command centre from the high school and get me the satellite imaginary of the whole area for the past hour." She hung up and quickened her pace.

"Grandma is coming Shinji…" Gohei had always feared that the Longinus code would be used one day but of all the times, it had to happen now when Shinji is at his most vulnerable.

The Longinus Code was also broadcast to other people on the escalation list but unfortunately some of these people had no idea what it meant.

"Lance of Longinus?" Misato scratched her head as the alert on her mobile phone confused her to no end. "Oh! I know! But I'm out of cycle and not ovulating. How are me and Shin-chan going to make babies?"

"Baka!" Kyoko bopped her on the top of the head. "Lance of Longinus means the taiyaki wagon is back in town."

"Are you saying that I can't make babies with my Shin-chan?!" Misato snarled and smashed her forehead against Kyoko's. Anything to do with Shinji she took personally and Kyoko wasn't the woman to back down from a fight. The two women began arguing over the meaning of the code.

"Ah… you guys…" Naoko tried to tell them but they weren't listening. For once she had the fortitude to pull out the Ikari family emergency code manual version 5.6 and found what Lance of Longinus meant.

"I really think that you should…" Before she could finish telling her friends a huge gust of wind blew out the main bonfire and smaller spot fire around the car park. Then all the fragments of car parts around began to vibrate and shake on their own. It was like the scene from a horror movie where random objects in the haunted house began to erratically fly around.

"I tried to warn you both! Now it's every woman for them selves!" Naoko shouted before diving into a trunk of a burnt out car and closing the top.

"What are you harping on about?!" Kyoko barked at her friend but then realised what she was trying to tell them. The kinetic energy around the car park jumped exponentially. A stray bonnet came flying towards the two feuding woman. Kyoko ducked but Misato wasn't as lucky. The sheet of metal slammed into the woman and all that remained were her shoes.

Kyoko immediately looked over in Yui's direction. The woman was peacefully slipping on her green tea a moment wasn't there anymore. She had received the Lance of Longinus code as well and her cell phone was instantly crushed into dust particles. The rage and angry building up with her was starting to overflow and begin to affect the climate more so.

"Jeez… I've never know you to be so upset about missing a sale," Kyoko mused as she dodged a windscreen wiper turned into deadly spear.

"Actually Kyoko-san, Lance of Longinus is the code word for Shinji being kidnapped." Gohei told her as she appeared behind Yui. "Tsk, tsk, tsk… You are a grown woman now and you still throw little tantrums."

"Ahhh…. That's why she looked like she was about to shit a brick…" Asuka's mother finally understood what was going on.

"I tried to tell you, silly bitch!" Naoko open the truck where she was taking shelter to stick her tongue out and give the one finger salute. Enraged by the unwarranted insult, Kyoko snatched a flying bumper from mid air and proceeded to smash in the trunk of the car.

"You…" Yui let out a low and feral growl as she slowly turned to face her mother.

"You really have to work on your vocabulary. How can you be a proper mother if you can't string together to syllables together?" Gohei asked comically which was followed by all the windows in the nearby school buildings exploding sending shards of glass raining down everywhere. This cause Kyoko to stop trying to pry open the trunk of the car and begin dodging the deadly projectiles coming down. She danced around like a cat on a hot tin roof, cursing and swearing. Gohei took a more subtle approach and produced an umbrella to protect her from the shrapnel. She approached Yui and soon to be ground zero.

SLAP

Gohei delivered a slap across Yui cheek which caused everything to return to normal in an instant. The destruction and debris around them was now a hundred times worst then before the demolition derby. It was like a hurricane had passed through after an earthquake and a great flood.

"Stay focused! We have one priority now and that's to find Shinji!" She then turned to the others where ever they were. "EVERYONE FRONT AND CENTRE!"

"Yeah! Shin-chan! Centre and front! I have eggs!" Misato said deliriously from the massive concussion she was suffering. She saluted clumsily before collapsing face first into the ground.

"Huh? Is it safe?" Naoko opened the trunk slightly and poke her head through but it was a fatal mistake. She didn't realise that Kyoko had position herself on the roof of the car.

"Who's the silly bitch now?!" Kyoko jumped straight onto the trunk causing it to jam her victim's neck. But she wasn't done yet and followed up the initial slam with a few more jumps to make sure Naoko was properly injured.

"Mother! Grandmother!" Rei called out to Yui from the other side of the car park. She had finally arrived after calling in the Longinus Code initially. She raced over to the pair ignoring everything going on and stepping over Misato's body. "Have you begun…"

"It's alright Rei. My people have already been mobilised." Gohei reassured the young girl. Rei was still showing her cool, calm and collected exterior but Gohei knew that her grand daughter was panicking inside.

"Rei…" Yui called out to her daughter in a soft and cracking voice.

"Somebody has taken my baby! WAAA!!!" Yui burst out crying and pulled Rei into a fierce hug almost squeezing the life out from her.

YAKUZA HIDEOUT

"Stay here and keep your mouth shut if you know what is good for you." The thug advised Shinji who was still in the bag. Next the chibi-fied boy felt the man toss the bag. He didn't know where the ground was and couldn't help but land with a heavy thud. Next he heard a door slam shut and lock.

After regaining some sense, he crawled out of the bag to check his surroundings. He seemed to be locked in a small utility closet. It was very narrow with a shelf to one side holding numerous cleaning products. A mop and bucket was lying next to it and the air carried the scent of strong detergent. A small barred window was above which was his only source of light. It was way too high for him to even attempt to climb.

"At least they could have let me gone to the toilet first…" He grumbled to himself and then sat down with growing headache from his head hitting the floor.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL

"This is so cool!" Kensuke was in heaven as he followed the Black Hawk helicopters and Apache gun ships hovering above the school with his camera. There were so many that the combined down draft from all aircraft almost blew him off his feet but that didn't matter to the military nut.

"Don't just stand there staring up at the sky, come and convince these guys that I didn't do anything!" Touji shouted at his friend from the ground. His hands and feet were bound tightly together and gun pointed firmly to the back of his head.

It was approximately twenty three minutes since Lance of Longinus was called in, the high school and practically the whole city was under military lock down. The streets were flooded with heavily arm soldiers and armoured vehicles. The sky was filled with gunship support.

"Hey Asuka! Give us a hand here!" Touji wasn't getting any help from his usual partner in crime and turned to Asuka who was heading towards the mobile command truck. The soldiers looked at her, awaiting orders. She just nodded and they proceeded beat Touji with the butt of their weapons. His cries of pain brought a welcome smile to her face and temporarily made her forget about what had happen to Shinji.

"Asuka! Hurry! We think we have something!" Kyoko stood in the entrance to the command centre and looked for her daughter. They had reached a break through in the search for Shinji. She raced towards her mother and followed her inside the mobile command.

Inside the mobile military command post was the latest in the state of the art surveillance and monitoring technology that rival the most powerful military nation in world. There was even gear here that was yet known. Everyone was gathered in the middle around the crisis table.

"What is it?! Have you found him?!" she asked anxiously and pushed herself some room around the table.

"Wark…" 'What the hell do you all want… I'm hung over…' Penguin moaned in the middle of the table. The family bird had unshaven stubble and dark circles around each of his eyes from a long night of drinking.

"At approximately 10:18 this morning, Lance of Longinus was reported." Gohei began with a tone of voice that meant business. "At 10:22 satellite imagery of school grounds shows a number of suspicious targets leaving the area via a car waiting just outside the school gates. Do you think they look very similar to your friends we met at lunch the other week?"

A number of photos were placed at Pen-pen's webbed toes. He picked one of them up and made out three individuals. One of them was carrying sack over his left shoulder.

"Wark." 'You woke me up and called the JSSDF for something I could have looked up on Google Earth. Have you going senile?'

"Come here! I'm much bigger than the JSSDF…" Gohei had had enough and grabbed the bird around the neck and stormed outside. Everyone followed after her but stopped and remained inside the tactical command when they realised what was outside.

"Stop being stubborn!" Yui tugged on the chain to the other end was a very angry adult male polar bear. The animal didn't take too kindly to being lead around by a giant chain choker. It reared up and roared at Yui with so much ferociousness some of the girls ran back inside the mobile command.

"RAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!" Yui roar was more vicious and made the wild bear's attempt look like a whimper. The animal quickly sat down and behaved like it was circus trained.

"How are we going to scare him into talking now?" Gohei shook her head as the ploy to threaten Pen-pen with the stolen polar bear from the local zoo looked all but a waste of time.

"Wark!" 'Ha! You think that furry bastard is going to scare me! I've taken down animals twice the size of him! He's small fry!' His words this time carried a little uncertainty unlike his normal overconfident, cocky self.

"Come here!" Yui snatched Pen-pen from her mother's grasp and began duct taping his flippers and feet to his little body.

"Wark!" 'What the hell are you doing?!' he tried to resist but it was no use.

"I'm sick of your shit! It's your fault that my baby boy is missing!" She threw him to the ground just landing in front of the polar bear. With his flippers immobilised, Pen-pen just rolled and flailed around on the ground. "If you're not going to talk then what use are you to me?! You know many penguins there are in the world?!"

"What the hell are you waiting for?! Eat!" Yui told the polar bear which just look at her puzzled.

WHACK. She clobbered the bear with one of her wooden spoons.

"YOU BETTER START EATING BEFORE I RIP OUT YOUR LIVER AND SELL YOUR BILE TO CHINESE HERBALISTS!!!" She screamed and it seemed to work. The capture animal raised a giant paw claws extended at Pen-pen.

"WARK!" 'OKAY! OKAY! I HEARD THEY HANG OUT AT AN ABANDONED FACTORY ON THE EAST SIDE IN THE INDUSTRIAL AREA! I LIED ABOUT BEING A BEAR HUNTER! I'VE NEVER SEEN A BEAR BEFORE! PLEASE, I DON'T WANNA DIE! I HAVE A SMALL PENIS!!!'

Gohei called over one of her subordinates and gave him some new orders.

"Concentrate our forces on the industrial area on the east side of the city. Search only. Do it quietly. Don't approach the targets. Is the pacific fleet in position yet?"

"Half the fleet is in Japanese territorial waters. ETA for the remaining ships is within the next twelve hours." The young solider saluted and ran off to relay Gohei's orders.

"That some of the weirdest shit I have ever seen…" Kodama said as she continued to watch Yui give the polar bear instructions and Pen-pen trying to roll away from the displaced predator.

YAKUZA HIDEOUT

The extensive resources at Gohei's hands made quick work of locating the gang's hideout in the industrial area. They had left the mobile tactical command at the high school and travelled to the location in her usual limousines as to not raise suspicions.

"Don't you think riding in a stretch limo is a dead give away?" Kyoko ask as she pressed the button to lower her window.

"We have stopped around the corner. Plus the people we are dealing with aren't the brightest stars in the sky. They didn't even notice my forces moving in to secure the area," Gohei replied as she slipped on her cup of tea casually. She showed no signs of panic or worry that Shinji was still missing.

"Let's go over the plan again. We'll approach the building from the front and act as a distraction while the others go around the back to get Shinji," Gohei announced for the last time.

"How do we know that my Shin-chan is in the building?" Misato asked.

"Thermal imagery shows us that there are six to eight individuals. A smaller heat signature has been located towards the back of the building." The grandmother said putting her tea down.

"That could be a dog for all we know. How can we be sure?" Kyoko was expressing her doubt with the plan Gohei had devised.

"Well two reasons." The older woman lowered her window and Rei was standing by. She had changed from her school uniform into tactical gear much like the rest of Gohei's soldiers. Complete with camouflage face paint.

"My brother is most definitely located in the building. Do not concern yourself with such matters. Just be sure you complete your part of the mission." Rei told Kyoko sternly. The twin didn't like when people doubted her on matters that concerned Shinji.

"Hey! I'm not stupid!" Kyoko didn't like to be talked down upon.

"And the second reason is that I said so." Gohei defused anything before it got out of hand. She then turned to her granddaughter.

"Get your team into position." She told her.

"Affirmative." Rei ran off to the other girls which made up the rescue team.

"Hey, how come I can't be on that team? I wanna play with Shinji." Misato moaned like a little child. She was already starting to show the first symptoms of her Shin-chan withdrawal syndrome.

Gohei reached to her and grabbed the front of her blouse. "That's because we are going to be the distraction." She pulled part Misato's blouse apart so the top two buttons popped off display her ample cleavage.

"But I want be on that team!" she whined again as she kicked her feet and punched the seat of the limousine. Her Shin-chan withdrawal had definitely set in now.

"Look, I'll make sure you have some quality time with Shinji after we get him back." Gohei compromised just to get her to shut up.

"Really!" Misato stopped her little tantrum and reached for something between her breasts. It was a piece of paper and on it was a list which she handed to the grandmother.

"I have listed the top five love hotels in Tokyo Three in order of my preference and all the items I require. Some of these items are rare in Japan and seasonal so I have included a substitute in the second column."

Gohei cautiously took Misato's list with her thumb and fore finger making sure the list didn't make any other contact with her. She had no idea where else the list had been.

"Oh! Do you have Hotel D-Wave?! They have really good setup with CCTV that hooks up to your own plasma TV in the room. And for a little extra you can request a DVD recorder so you can make your own movies." Naoko asked out of curiosity.

"D-wave is shit!" Kyoko was adamant. "Gran Farre is much better you can waltz straight in the street and always get a room."

"There is a reason why you always get a room. I heard a story about what they do with their used sheets…" Misato began recounting the urban legend of the used bed sheets but was interrupted.

"HEY!" Gohei snapped her fingers to get their attention. "Stay focused ladies! This isn't the time to have this discussion. Now does anyone know where my so called daughter is?"

As if to answer her question an annoying grinding sound was coming from outside the limousine. They rolled the windows down to check what it was.

"Don't worry Shinji! Mummy is coming to rescue you!" Yui muttered a little out of breathless from all the bullet belts and ammunitions she was carrying and her body. She looked like some sort of munitions porcupine with all bullets and grenades attached to her body. The grinding sound was coming from the over size M61 Vulcan Gatling gun she was dragging along in her left hand and in the right was miniature thermonuclear bomb.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing?! That's not part of the plan!" Gohei called out to her daughter but she was ignored. Death Machine Yui continued her slow pace muttering Shinji's name over and over again.

"Everyone come and give me a hand stopping her." Gohei turned around to see that she was now alone in the car. The other had escape out the other side of the car and her tip- toeing away as quietly as possible.

"Where the hell are you all going?!" She shouted at them.

"The hell with this, you 're not paying me enough money to do this shit!" Kyoko shouted back.

"I wanna try D-Wave one more time before I die!" Naoko followed up.

While grandmother Ikari was struggling to regain some control with her team to rescue Shinji, Rei's and her part time soldiers had almost achieved their objective. Using thermal imaginary they were able to pinpoint Shinji location and right now were just located on the other side of the wall from where he was locked up.

"It was sure nice of Mrs. Ikari to lead us these clothes so your school uniforms don't get all dirty," Hikari said as she wanted to fill the uncomforting and tension in the air. It was the only nice thing she could say about the tactical assault gear they were given.

"Before we go knocking down walls are you sure that Shinji is on the other side of this wall?" Asuka asked, questioning Rei's authority. She didn't hate the idea of Rei being in charge since she wasn't as knowledgeable in urban and guerrilla warfare but she still didn't have to like it.

Rei answered by showing the thermal image on the camera. It was a hot spot shaped like a small child. He had his pants down and was reliving himself into a nearby bucket. The heat camera picked up the heat signature from his body and everything leaving his body.

"Awww… how cute! You can even see his little thingy!" Kodama giggled as the rest of the girls huddled around the small display.

"Does this thing have a record function?" Mana asked without her eyes living the monitor.

Rei answered by pressing a button and record indicator light appear in the upper right hand corner of the screen.

(Rei, are you in position yet?) Gohei voice came over the ear piece communicator that she was wearing. All the other girls had one as well as it was essential to the plan that everyone be in direct communication with each other.

"Affirmative. Subject has been located and seems unharmed." She replied.

(Oh thank God. Now you girls remember the signal. When the time comes, you get Shinji and we'll all rendezvous at the designated extraction point.)

(ARE YOU SURE HE'S OKAY REI?!!!) Yui's frantic voice blasted through everyone's ear piece. Some of the girls fell over from the sudden ear piercing shriek. (MY BABY MIGHT HAVE BEEN SUBJECT TO ALL KINDS OF TORTURE! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE HE HAS EATEN?!)

"It's only 2PM in the afternoon…" Rei stated flatly and factually.

(2PM!!! HE MISSED HIS LUNCH!!! THAT'S WE ARE GOING IN HARD AND FAST! KILL EVERYTHING THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MY SHINJI!!!)

(Baka! Stay off the air! Radio silence!) Gohei's voice was followed but the distinctive sounds of people struggling. Fed up with the useless argument between her grandmother and mother Rei removed her ear piece.

"Ah Rei… does this thing have a playback mode?" Mana asked if the thermal camera would be able to play back the footage of Shinji capture.

"All of NERV's surveillance equipment is top of the range and comes will all functionalities." She answered and playback the footage for everyone to watch again. The girls continued to watch Shinji as they waited for the signal from Gohei's team which were only now beginning to execute their plan.

"Now come here Misato!" Gohei whispered to their ticket into the Yakuza's hideout. She had quickly dealt with Yui and somehow managed to reign in her out of control daughter.

"No! It's embarrassing!" Misato protested as she remained hidden behind a small brush away from plain sight.

"I've seen you wear less when you pick up Shinji after school. Now get your ass out here!" Gohei's patience was really being tested. She had to constantly remind herself that she had to remain calm for Shinji's sake but when Shinji's was out of harm's way she was going to unleash some of that pent up fury.

"That's different! Shin-chan is…" Before Misato could finish protesting Naoko and Kyoko used their feet and kicked her out in front of the entrance. As she stumbled out, Gohei quickly knocked on the heavy steel door. It wasn't long before some came to answer.

"What the hell?" A man carefully opened the door slightly to see who it was but quickly swung it fully open when he saw the state Misato was in.

"Please help me! I was attacked and my clothes got all torn up!" She pretended to cry and was putting on quite a convincing act. While mulling over the plan to rescue Shinji, Gohei thought that Misato flashing some cleavage wouldn't be enough. So she purposely ripped and torn Misato's clothes enough to show way more than her bouncing chest.

"Hehehe… No worries little lady. Why don't you come inside?" The man said with a sly grin. Gohei's plan had worked she knew that no criminal in their right mind would refuse free and fresh meat that was right in front of them. She found her opening and pounced with the agility of a cat.

The grandmother kicked the heavy steel door into the face of the man who was still eying up Misato. He didn't see it coming. It slammed into him like a heavyweight's right hook and sent his body back flying a good few feet into the hallway. He was out cold and wasn't getting up any time soon.

"Alright! We are moving in!" She announced as she casually brushed off any dirt or dust that may have been on her kimono. Everyone else just looked on with awe. They were nervous about following Gohei after her brief demonstration of controlled violence.

"Misato, you can go get changed now. There are some spare clothes in the back of the limousine." The youngest of the women skipped away happily knowing that she didn't have to follow right into the proverbial lion's den. She made her thoughts known to Kyoko and Naoko by pulling face.

"What are you two doing? Get a move on!" Gohei told the other two mothers before they could return Misato's gesture.

"Why do we have to follow you? How come Yui isn't here?" Naoko asked like a little child that had been cheated out of their favourite toy.

"The objective is to rescue my grandson. In her current state Tokyo Three would already be a nuclear wasteland. She has her own role to play where she will be much more effective." The grandmother was being usually kind to her daughter.

"The hell with this I'm going to find that bomb shelter." Kyoko had heard enough and was walking away but didn't get far when Gohei grabbed her by the back of the collar. She did the same to Naoko and dragged the both off them into the old factory.

The trio made their way into the building until they reached what use to be the old factory floor. Old machinery and scattered around. All decrepit and abandon just like and factory itself. The only things that worked were the lights. The only things that were new were the Yazuka themselves and what seem like to be boxes of small electrical appliances.

'Small timers… they are just a fence for stolen goods…' Gohei thought as she sighed. She felt ashamed that such a bunch of halfwits managed to kidnap Shinji.

"Who the hell are you?!" One of the young men demanded. He picked up a butcher's cleaver and made his way towards Gohei. With a bored expression on her face, she disposed of him easily with a knife edge chop to his throat. This instantly damaged his voice box and wind pipe. The man fell onto his knees gasping for air and coughing up blood.

"Ewww… don't get any on my kimono!" Disgusted by the sight of blood, Gohei booted him in the side of the head and sent him flying into one of the old factory machines. It was then all the others stopped in their tracks.

"Let them through," the leader ordered. He was same one from the restaurant and still was chewing on a toothpick trying hard to look tough.

"Okay. You two stay here and try not to make any trouble," the grandmother told the Kyoko and Naoko and then walked towards the leader.

"You have something that belongs to me and I want it back." Gohei opened up the dialogue and went straight to the point.

"I could say the same… I remember you from the restaurant. Your bird owes us big time," he replied, not intimidated by the woman. He got up in her face which didn't make Gohei bat an eyelid.

"I don't have money but you can have those two instead," she gestured to Naoko and Kyoko who were busy rummaging through the boxes of stolen goods.

"Hey check this out! I need a new rice cooker!" the Akagi woman held up the bright red appliance.

"Yeah but its red… Who in their right mind steals a truck full of red rice cookers?" Kyoko was a little less excited about the find.

"Who cares, if it's free." Naoko replied. Then she turned to Gohei and shouted across the factory floor, "HEY GRAN! CAN I HAVE ONE OF THESE?!"

Gohei's head dropped in shame and disbelief. She couldn't believe what those two were doing. She considered them her own daughters and rubbed her temples to relieve the migraine she was developing.

"Pfft…" the leader scoffed at her. "Who would want some old hags like them? I couldn't even give them away at our brothels."

"OLD!!!!" Kyoko had heard the unsavoury comment and launch Naoko's rice cooker like it was a baseball. It was dead on target and slammed right in his face. As the boss fell to the ground some of his cronies went to his aid

"No!!!! My ricer cooker!!!" Naoko chased after the appliance after it was launched.

"KYOKO!!! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BEHAVNG?!" Gohei shouted at Asuka's mother.

"What's your problem?! There's a whole pallet of rice cookers. We can all have one." She rebutted, totally missed the point Gohei was trying to make.

"Bitch!" The leader snarled with a bloody nose, "Get them!!!"

He gave the order for his henchmen to attack. But before they could pick up their weapons, Gohei had given her sign as well.

"Now…" She whispered into her communication device and a spit second later something ploughed through one of the factory walls, sending debris of brick and mortar everywhere. Everyone ducked for cover except for Gohei who casually produced an old fashion rice-paper and bamboo umbrella from somewhere. She used it to protect herself.

"WHERE IS MY SHINJI?!!!" The distinctive voice of Yui Ikari rang out over the AGT-1500 turbine diesel engine of the M1A1 Abram armoured tank. Her head appeared out of the entry hatch. She moved the tank forward until it was only inches away from Gohei. The caterpillar tracks tearing up the old factory floor and anything in its path.

"Well… at least you are on time…" Gohei sighed as she put away her umbrella. At the same time Yui made her grand entrance with the M1 tank, Rei and the others had blasted a small hole leading into the closet where Shinji was locked up. As both explosions went off, the boy instinctively drove for cover.

It was a technique he was proficient at, and he needed to be being born into the Ikari family.

"Brother!" Rei was first in and immediate went to his side. She didn't give him a chance to answer before she began checking him for any signs of injuries.

"Rei? What are you doing here?" he finally answered while still dazed from the blast.

"Subject acquired. No visible sign of injuries…" Rei ignored her brother's question and was updating Gohei on Shinji's condition. She stopped short when her hand touched the small bump on his head. Shinji reacted when she made contact.

"Ouch that hurts!" he complained.

"Target has head trauma. Requesting immediate MEDI-VAC" Rei changed her report and picked up Shinji is her arms. She raced through the building to the designated medical evacuation point.

Back on the factory floor, Gohei had received her granddaughter's transmission loud and clear. She removed the ear piece and crushed it in the palm of her hand. All the Yakuza were lost to what to do with the appearance of the tank. But the leader remained defiant.

"You think you're going to get away with this? I know people, powerful people. I'll make you regret that you have done this." He threatened Gohei but she wasn't fazed one bit. She was more interested in searching around the ground near her feet for something.

"You hear me bitch! When I let them know what you have done, they make you beg for death!" He continued shouting threats but the grandmother bent over and picked something up what she was looking for.

"LOOK AT ME!"

That was his final out burst before Gohei used his toothpick that she had picked up off the ground and stabbed into his right eye. He began screaming in agony but the grandmother just continued drive the small piece of wood deeper and deeper into his retina. She had forced him back until his skull smashed into the front of Yui's tank.

"Stop your crying." She told him icily and used her other hand to crush his jaw shut. Blood began to seep from between his lips caused he had bitten down on his tongue.

"You hurt my grandson and now I am going to hurt you," she stated plainly without any emotion while gradually squeezing tighter and tighter on the poor man's jaw.

The other gang members had stopped their advance on the quartet of women after they had seen their leader dribbling his own blood. Some even dropped their weapons and fled out of the building like cowards.

"Some are getting away." Kyoko checked her face for any blemishes in a compact makeup mirror. She was worried that some of the dust may have blocked her pores and would ruin her perfect skin.

"They won't get far. The Fifth Brigade is acting as the sweeper team. They'll pick up any that have slipped through," Gohei answered with her hand still locked on the man's face. True to her word, the sound of gun fire could be heard outside the factory.

"You can disposal of the rest anyway you like Yui, but this one is mine." The grandmother told her tank piloting daughter and then threw the man to the ground face first. His head made a sickening and fleshly slap as he remained lifeless after the impact.

"Yui? Are you listening?!" the absence of the Abram's 120mm canon unleashing it's custom tungsten-alloy projectiles caused her to look up at the war machine.

"YOU OWE ME ONE RICE COOKER!!!" Naoko had grabbed Yui and pulled her half out of the man hole with one arm. Her other arm was pointing to the severely crushed red rice cooker under the tracks of the tank.

"Why do I even bother?" Gohei said while massaging her temples.

THE AFTERMATH

In a football field not far from the factory designated ground zero, Gohei's personal army had setup a field hospital. The normally vacant sporting venue during week days was a hive of activity. Tents were setup where goal posts and field marking should have been. Soldiers ran around like little worker ants all doing their part to the objective of the mission.

"This really isn't necessary," Shinji said for the umpteenth time. He tried to stop his sister from wrapping a tight bandage around his head. She was overly concerned about the bump and graze he had received during his kidnapping. The overprotective sister wasn't taking any chances with him.

"We're really worried about you Shin-chan." Misato said as she held him in snugly her lap while Rei treated his superficial wound. The older woman's arms were tightly wrapped around him and there was no escape. After the successfully extraction, Misato had not let anyone else hold her Shin-chan. This would have normally annoyed the other girls but their main concern for now was Shinji's well being.

"You guys went to a lot of trouble. Are all of you okay?" he asked the rest of group, leaving Misato and Rei to do their thing.

"We're fine Baka. You should give us more credit," Asuka replied smugly to hide the fact that she was happy to have him back. The great sense of dread in her heart disappeared instantly when she had heard his voice back at the factory.

"I guess I should…" He laughed nervously while scratching the back of his head like he usually did. Shinji didn't notice but all the girls around him smile when he did this simple act. It was one of his little quirks that they all loved him for and fear that they would never see again.

"Where is Mum and Granny?" he asked the group as it occurred to him that the two of them would be in here with everyone else. As he thought about it some more, his curiosity of their whereabouts was quickly changing to concern. Thought it wasn't for them. It was concern for what damage they could do. Yui was bad enough on her own. Shinji had an inkling feeling if his mother and grandmother teamed up it would be the end of the universe.

The girls all looked at each other. As soon as Shinji was in their procession again, they had completely forgotten about the remainder of the plan.

"Is there something wrong? They haven't caused any trouble have they?" Shinji asked with a semi firm voice. It caused everyone to faux laugh which just made his suspicions feel even more right.

"There you all are!" A familiar voice interrupted the moment. Ritsuko Akagi stepped into the tent and approached the group.

"You know how hard it was to get here? Gohei has this place locked down tighter than the pentagon and then I had to find the right tent." Ritsuko complained as she had to be practically cavity searched to get past every check point.

"Grandmother only selects the best soldiers. They were merely doing what they were ordered to do," Rei answered in her usually stoic manner.

"Well she could have at least ordered them to have some manners. Anyway, have you guys seen the news?" There just so happen to be a television set in the tent. The blonde scientist went over and switched it on to a news channel. There was a female Japanese reporter standing in front of what use to be the factory.

(Thanks Tom. I'm standing at the scene of the mayhem that caused the entire city of Tokyo Three to be shut down for the best part of today. First reports came in at the local high school where it was believed that the terrorist group first attempted their strike. Witnesses claimed to have seen several cars ignite and explode. It is believed that these were the car bombs which were detonated too early by mistake. Fearing the city was under attack the local authorities gave orders to mobilise the national army but that would have taken at another twenty four hours. NERV Heavy Industries had their armed forces conducting military test in their nearby secret facility and was asked to assist. They setup a temporary OP-SEC at the high school and managed to trace the terrorist to an abandon factory in the east side of the city. Merely hours ago, the NERV forces launched an attack and stormed structure. It was clear that they were not taking any chances with their use of tanks and helicopter gun ships in additional to their large ground forces. We can confirm a number of suspected terrorist have been shot dead and a large number taken into custody to a nearby football field converted to a field hospital and mobile command centre. So it looks like a city under siege is now starting to settle down. This is Trisha Takanawa reporting for Channel Five News.)

"What the hell was that?" Shinji ask as throughout the news broadcast an armoured tank towing what looked like to be a small trunk on its side. The back doors to the vehicle were open and its load carelessly falling out. On top of the towing tank, you could make out the figure of two women plus a head sticking out of the hatch.

"I'm not sure but they seem to look like rice cookers…" Mana said as she leaned in closer to the TV to try and get a better view.

"I've never seen a red rice cooker," Hikari said. The girl was well accustomed to the inside of a kitchen and its appliances. She had never seen a red rice cooker before.

"I told those three to get out of that thing. What are they doing? They are just making fools of themselves. At least counter intelligence made themselves useful and sold that story to the news." Everyone turned around to see that he new voice belong to Grandma Gohei Ikari. While everyone was watching the news report she had managed to slip into the tent unnoticed.

"Gran? What's going on?" Shinji asked her. He has a feeling that it was Naoko and Kyoko riding on top of the tank and his mother driving the war machine.

"Oh my dear grandson!" She went over, picked him up and pulled him into a fierce hug. The older woman ignored his question for the moment and turn to the rest of the group.

"You all did very well. Outside they are celebrating the victory. Why don't you go and enjoy yourselves?" She suggested on the surface but between the lines she was telling them all to give her a moment with Shinji.

As each girl reluctantly began to leave one by one, Misato began to mill around until she was the only one left. She hadn't had her full dose of Shin-chan to make her feel better.

"I have a keg specially brought in just for you Misato so you can…" Before Gohei could finish Misato was already out with a gust of wind. Then just as quickly she had left she had returned.

"I'll be back Shin-chan. I'm just gonna get liquored up then we can test if your lolly-pop is working okay." She said quickly and then disappeared again.

"What did she just say to me?" Shinji asked his grandmother who just laughed at his innocence.

"She just missed you and has her own way of showing it." She placed him on the bed and sat next to him. Next she began rolling up the sleeve of his shirt.

A million questions went through his mind at once. He had been kept in the dark about everything that had happen since he was thrown into the dark of the closet in the factory by his kidnappers. But his mind couldn't tell his mouth which question to ask first.

"Stay still this is going to hurt for just moment." Gohei told him as she finish cleaning a small section of his upper arm with a swab and alcohol. Next she produced a large hypodermic needle.

"What?!" The size of the needle looked massive in his still chibi-fied state. Before he could resist Gohei quickly jabbed the medical implement into his arm.

"I'm sorry Shinji but this will get you back to your normal size." She explained and suddenly the pain he was experiencing didn't matter.

"Really?! Are you serious?!" Shinji had also forgotten about the thousands of question he wanted ask.

"Well, the tests on the lab mice were positive so my guys in the lab are fairly confident." She answered while disposing of the needle in a safety bin specifically for syringes.

"Fairly confident?!" Shinji voiced jumped a few octaves.

"Just kidding." She joked and give him a playfully wink. Her reassurance caused him the breath a sigh of relief and she took her place next to him.

"Before all this happen, your mother and I went to see your headmaster about your expulsion." She started the dialogue.

"You did? How what did he say? Wait! Mum went as well?!" he was already starting to worry.

"It's alright. I made sure she behaved herself." She lied and reassured him for the second time in just as many minutes.

"Well, I have some good news. You headmaster was very understanding to agree to request to keep your expulsion in place." She continued.

"That's great! So I can go back to sch – YOU WHAT?!" he was half way celebrating when actually decided to process what she said.

"Just calm down for a moment Shinji…" she said in a placating voice.

"How would you like to leave Japan with me? Since you can't go back to school why don't you travel with me for a year or so?" Her true intensions were now revealed. From the time she had stepped off her private jet her only intension was to invite Shinji to travel with her. The master strategist had played her hand well. There was even the convenient excuse of Shinji's expulsion that she could use.

"But…but… what about school and my friends… and… and…" he began mumbling incoherently. It was all a little too much for him to digest.

"I can arrange a private tutor to accompany us if you like so you won't fall behind in school year."

"Yeah… but what about… OH CRAP! Do Rei or mum know?! They kill me for sure…" he began to panic knowing how his sister and mother would react.

"Don't worry about them or the others. I know it's a big decision and I shouldn't have asked after everything that has happened but the opportunity presented itself. You don't have to answer now or even agree to come along. If you want to stay and study I'll help you get into a new school. I'm just giving you a choice Shinji. Something you haven't had much of lately." Gohei explained further but she could see that her words of reason weren't comforting him much.

"I don't know…" he muttered softy

Gohei knew that Shinji was worried what the girls and his mother would do if they heard he would leave for an extended period of time. He was faced with a decision that could shape the rest of his life but his first instinct caused him to worry about the others.

"You take your time to decide and how about we keep this a little secret from the other for now? They have all had a little too much excitement." She smiled and patted him on the head.

All Shinji could do was nod numbly.

"I have an idea; how about we all take a trip to the mansion. So you experience what it's like." Gohei suggested as she fluffed a pillow and laid Shinji down to get some rest.

"It has been a while since I've been to the island…" He said dozing off after his head hit the pillow. Gohei placed a kiss on his forehead as he slept. She then noticed someone standing near the opening to the tent. It was a man dressed in a heavy butcher's smock that prevented blood splatter and wore a gas mask to match. In front of him was a large industrial barrel on a two wheel trolley. The lid wouldn't close properly as a human hand hung over the edge. This hand had a familiar and distinguishing tattoo on it.

While the masked man discussed something with Gohei, she had failed to see Asuka sitting on the ground just to the other side of the tent opening. She had heard everything Shinji and Gohei spoke about inside.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
Apologies for the slow update. The reason was that the pre-reader and I had entered ELC4. Check them out here elc(dot)studiotorium(dot)org. You should be able to pick my entry from the group. It's the worst written one :P

Thanks for reading, Wonga316


	23. OAV Special 01

EVERY WHITE DAY – OAV SPECIAL 01

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

CONTACT  
Email - wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
LiveJournal – wonga316(dot)livejournal(dot)com

PROOF READER / SPECIAL GUEST DIRECTOR  
Chi Vayne (Some say he can only proof read when he wears his proof reading superhero suit, all we know he's called Chi Vayne)

PROOF READER / ASSISTANT DIRECTOR / CATERING / STUNT DOUBLE  
TheWickerMan (Some say his home page is a Sri Lanka dating site, all we know he's called TheWickerMan)

PROOF READER / EXECUTIVE PRODUCER / TEA LADY  
Lord Raa (Some say when he first saw a banana as a child, ten minutes later he was rushed to proctologist, all we know he's called Lord Raa)

DATE POSTED  
20080103

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

DATE – FEBURARY 18TH 2015

LOCATION – TOYKO THREE HIGH SCHOOL

The mid day school bell had just sounded signalling lunch time for the students. Asuka stood up from her desk and wandered towards Shinji who was currently slumped over, his head resting in his arms. His friends Touji Suzahara and Kensuke Aida were trying to attach an embarrassing message on the back of his shirt without waking him.

"Stupid monkeys!" Asuka grabbed the prankster's note and scrunched into a ball. The pair were about to say something until the redhead gave them a menacing glare after which they promptly backed down. She laid a hand on Shinji's shoulder and gently shook him. There was no response. She instantly thought he was ignoring her and consequently her blood began to boil.

"Hey Shinji!" Another girl's voice called his name which saved him from a vicious slap on the back of the head. They saw Mana Kirashima heading towards them with a wrapped bento lunch box in her hands.

"Hey! Wake up sleepy head!" She plonked her backside on his desk which was enough to wake him from his mid day nap. "I made you a boxed lunch today. I hope you like it."

The boy had dark circles around his eyes and yawned. He smiled and gratefully took the bento from Mana which brought a girlish giggle from her. He didn't notice Asuka standing beside him starting to shake with rage.

"God… What's the time?" He asked in a drowsy voice.

"Its lunch time why else would you be given a packed lunch box?" Kensuke replied.

"Crap! I'm gonna be late!" Shinji promptly stood up from his desk and began packing his things. "I'm really sorry Mana-san! I have to be some where. I promise we will have lunch tomorrow. And it'll be my treat."

At first the girl was visibly disappointed but when she heard Shinji promise to have lunch just the two of them tomorrow, she perked back up.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, baka?!" Asuka demanded.

"I have to meet dad at his office for something. I've already got permission from sensei. So I'll see you guys later!" He didn't even glance back at her while running out of the classroom and narrowly avoided running into the class representative.

"Sorry, Hikari!" He said in a hurry before disappearing down the hallway.

"Alright you stooges!" With Shinji gone, Asuka turned her frustration on his remaining friends. "I know that your feeble minds know what baka Shinji is up to. So spill it!"

For the past few weeks he had been acting strangely and very secretive. The boy would randomly disappear and return completely exhausted. Sometimes he would be completely covered in sweat and out of breath like he had ran a marathon. For Asuka and the other girls, Shinji was the one constant in their lives and now he was suddenly not himself. This was a great spanner in the works of their daily lives.

"Huh? How the hell should we know?!" Touji held his hands up and pleaded ignorant. "He doesn't tell us everything he does."

"Yeah. Why don't you ask Rei? They are twins after all. May be they have some psychic mojo going on between them." Kensuke defended his friend with a meagre explanation. But it seemed to work. Asuka turned her attention from the pair to the other Ikari twin on the other side of the room. Rei was currently staring at the mountain of bento boxes stacked on her desk that towered almost to the ceiling. She was deep in thought on how to tackle the lunch her mother had prepared for while ignoring the advances of Kaworu.

"Say, Rei-chan…" He reached into his jacket pocket producing something. "I managed to get premier tickets to that new romantic comedy being released this weekend. I was wondering if…"

WHACK

Before he could finish his smooth talk, Asuka's right fist impacted his face and sent him towards the front of the class room.

"Beat it baka bishi fan boy! We have some serious business to discuss!" She then turned her attention to Shinji's sister.

"If you have come to find out about my brother's activities, then I can not be of any assistance." She replied in her usually stoic self while keeping focused on the mountain of bento boxes.

"Smart ass bitch!" Hikari and Mana quickly restrained Asuka from tackling Rei.

"Sigh…" The older of the Ikari twin was already tired of her class mate's antics. "If you want my personal opinion on the matter, I believe that my brother has acquired some part time employment."

"Huh?" Asuka stopped fighting because the Ikari sibling's calm demure on the situation was enough to induce partial shock but her irritation quickly kicked back in.

"What makes you so confident that he isn't doing anything perverted?!" The truth was that Asuka didn't like to be kept in the dark about anything regarding her favourite pet. She had always been like that since the start of their friendship.

Rei ignored the firebrand's threats. She calmly stepped up onto her chair and reached for the top bento to start the massive task of her lunch. This annoyed Asuka even more and she had to be restrained once again by Hikari and Mana.

DATE – FEBURARY 21st 2015

LOCATION – NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES HQ

Meanwhile across town, Ritsuko Akagi was having similar troubles with her mother and her friends.

"There! That should do it!" Naoko wiped her brow and stood back to take a look at her work.

"If you are really finished then what the hell is all that?!" Ritsuko seethed with a throbbing vein protruding from her forehead while pointing to the pile of circuit boards and cabling behind them.

The mother and daughter were arguing over the failed plan to upgrade the MAGI mainframe. The other week Ritsuko found her mother and her friend tinkering with the super computer so they could run their scenario 'Best Compatibility Match for Shinji Ikari Version 1.0'

"Now, now Ritsuko-chan." Yui called out to the young scientist. "I hope that you don't talk that way to my baby boy when you become part of the Ikari fold."

As luck would have it Ritsuko's name appeared to have to have the high percentage of compatibility. This was followed by Asuka, Misato and then Mana. There was a suspicion that Naoko rigged the simulation but when the word marriage was thrown into the air, all question of partiality disappeared.

"Argh! Chairwoman Ikari!" The bottle blonde turned around to Shinji's mother who was sitting comfortably on a tatami mat enjoy some fresh tea from her Japanese tea set. Next to her was Kyoko working away feverously on a laptop.

"Yeah, is making me work anyway to say thanks for finding you a husband?" Naoko chimed with her own two cents worth.

"For the last time I'm not marrying Shinji!" The joke of marriage between the two had continued for the past two days and was really wearing thin on Ritsuko.

"That's fine. I'll take him." Misato entered the NERV R&D research facility holding an open and half empty beer can. "BURP! Oh, excuse me!"

"You see what happens when you rest on your laurels!" Naoko turned the berating around on her daughter. "Are you going to die a virgin and leave me without grand children?! Because let me tell you, your stupid cats ain't going to keep your warm on cold nights!"

""There, there…" Yui appeared beside her friend and patted her on the back consoling her weeping.

"I'M NOT A VIRGIN!" Ritsuko screamed on the top of her lung which caused an awkward prolonged silence.

"Shit! Damn it!" Yui, Naoko and Kyoko cursed at the same time. All three of them produced some cash and Misato went around collecting it all off them.

"Hehehe… Now I can upgrade the Love Hotel room for Shin-chan and me…" She snickered while counting her winnings. Then she placed them in the safety of her cleavage.

"Why can't you any of you be serious for just once?!" Ritsuko moaned with tears of frustration.

"There, there…" Yui, Naoko and Misato appeared behind the crying woman and offered their fake compassion.

"Hey! Did Gendo and Fuyutsuki say that they were going to European HQ this week?" Kyoko asked in a serious tone.

"Yeah. I think Baka Kaji took them to the airport." Misato vaguely recalled because the man tried to woo her with the treat of some duty free lingerie. She vividly recalled her slamming a computer monitor over his head next.

"Hmmm… Everyone come here and look at this." She revealed what she was doing on her laptop to the rest of the group including Ritsuko. It was a live video stream from Shinji's class room.

"Oh I remember asking Section Two Security to install hidden camera at the school so no bullies picked on my baby boy." Everyone turned around and looked at Yui strangely.

"You have really got to get over this whole protective mother thing." Kyoko said.

"Hmph!" Yui pouted. "Well, how come you're watching the footage?! I know you're one of those horny lonely housewives with a sex addiction! You shota-con freak! Oh look a young boy has come to clean my pool how about I give him some extra service!"

"Get serious! Asuka has been whining non stop that Shinji has been acting really weird over the past few days." Everyone thought for a moment and the young girl was right. His changes in behaviour were subtle but still not the norm for him. "Anyway, watch this."

Kyoko played back the moments of footage where Shinji explained that he was going to meet his father at NERV.

"Oh goodie! My Shin-chan is coming to visit me today." Misato quickly pulled out a small cosmetic mirror and checked that her appearance was perfect for her Shin-chan's arrival.

"Moron… Gendo is overseas right now so unless he's planning on a quick trip to Germany, it's obvious what happen." Ritsuko explained and she was the centre of attention.

"What? You want me to spell it out for you? He just blatantly lied." The revelation had set off a catastrophic chain reaction in the R&D facility with everyone jumping the gun and assuming the worst scenario in their minds.

"AHHH!!! MY BABY BOY LIED!!! NEXT HE'LL BE SELLING HIS KIDNEY SO HE CAN BUY DRUGS!!! AHHH!!! HURRY!!! FIX IT KYOKO!!! FIX IT!!!" Yui's worst nightmares had come true. She grabbed Kyoko around the neck and shook feverously trying vain that her friend could magically change the surveillance footage.

"WAHHH!!! SHIN-CHAN IS CHEATING ON ME!!! WAHHH!!!" Misato collapsed on her knees like a lost child missing her parents and cried her eyes out.

"BAKA!" Naoko grabbed her daughter in a head lock. "You let him go shack up with some other woman! How useless are you?!"

DATE – FEBURARY 21st 2015

LOCATION – IKARI HOME

"Why do you keep denying your feelings?" Rei asked Asuka as they approached her home.

"Wha… What the hell?!" Asuka was taken back a bit by her question. The pair had walked home in pretty much silence until now. It was obvious that the redhead was agitated because Shinji was missing. Everyone knew but she wouldn't reveal her reasons for being cranky.

"Hmph!" Asuka decided to snub her for the moment and walked past to the front door hoping that she would encounter Shinji inside. But when she opened the door she was greeted by an unusual but not uncommon scene to the Ikari household.

"Ah! Baka dogs! I said stop!!!" Yui was being dragged along her stomach by a pack of blood hounds that had over powered her and were pulling her anywhere they pleased.

In the living room, her mother was comforting Misato and Naoko who were drowning their sorrows in alcohol. Both women continuing where they had left off at NERV and lamented over lost opportunities with Shinji.

"Is the baka home?" She asked them barely hearing herself over the howling and barking of the bloodhounds.

"So he didn't go back to school and walk home with you guys…" Kyoko mused and rubbed her chin like an old philosopher. "I guess it was a long shot but we were just hoping all the same."

"What are you babbling about?" her daughter asked.

"That's it!" Yui flew by then again being dragged by the sniffer dogs. "Call the JSSDF and get them to mobilise. Also check how the preparations with the UN first fleet are!"

"Please explain that situation." Rei produced a machete and severed the dog leads that her mother was desperately clinging onto. Yui grinded face first to a halt.

Kyoko proceeded to explain how Gendo had left for an overseas business trip and therefore making Shinji's explanation a complete fabrication.

"I see…" Rei searched her school for something.

"Please Rei! We have to find Shinji! Who knows how many filthy shota-cons are violating him right now!" Yui now with carpet burned on her face crawled towards her daughter on her hands and knees.

The Ikari daughter brought out a PDA. Everyone gathered around and watched what she was doing. Her screen showed a floor plan and a flashing spot in one of the other rooms.

"My brother is up stairs. When you arrived home did you check up stairs?" She asked the adults. All she got back were puzzled and stupid looks.

"Bunch of retards." Asuka pushed her way through the group and made a beeline up the stairs. Everyone followed anxiously.

"Alright wonder girl! Where is he?!" Rei just pointed towards a closed door which was the bathroom. They all crept carefully and silently towards the door. Asuka placed her ear against it to see if she could hear anything.

"Anything?" someone whispered to her.

"Nothing. May be he's…" She didn't have to finish her sentence as everyone formulated the scenario of Shinji squatting on the toilet relieving him self.

"Alright everyone. Stand back. I'll handle this!" Misato nudged her way to the front and then proceeding to wiggle out of her panties while leaving her short skirt on.

"Here hold this." She placed her delicates on top of Asuka's head. Unfortunately they didn't stay on top and slid over her face. They were still warm and a little moist which sent the young red head in a fury. "Alright! I'm going in!"

"Good luck Misa-chan!" Yui wished her adopted niece good luck on her mission.

"YOU SKANKY WHORE!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!" The element of surprise was gone with Asuka's tremendous roar. As a consequence, the group forced the door off its hinges and they fell into the bathroom. It then that they realised it was empty.

"Damn it Wondergirl! Your thing doesn't even work!" Asuka had forgotten about Misato's transgression when she realised that her baka Shinji was in the bathroom.

"What is that thing anyway?" Naoko asked curious about the electronic device.

"When my brother was showing some changes in her normal behavioural patterns and schedule I planted a tracking device on his person to monitor the situation." She explained getting up and dusting herself off.

"Ya! That's my girl! So smart!" Yui hugged and kissed her daughter proudly.

"Why the hell didn't you tell us earlier?" Asuka shouted at her class mate and neighbour.

"You asked about my brother's whereabouts. You didn't request information on the tracking system." Rei's explanation caused Asuka to face fault onto the floor shattering some titles. Ignoring the girl's sudden collapse Rei followed the signal on her PDA to the tracking device. It led her to the bowl of the toilet.

"Ah… Rei… Just where did you place that tracker on Shinji?" Kyoko asked but all she got was a light crimson flush across the girl's features.

"Awww… I could have help put that thingy in Shin-chan…" Misato pouted on learning that she might have missed on some frolicking.

"Oh my… The love between a brother and sister stirs the heart…" Yui felt warm and fluffy inside knowing that her twins were so close.

"You… You… people… are… are… PERVERTS!!!" Asuka had recovered from her crash to just hear Rei's explanation. She grabbed the bathroom sink and ripped out from the wall. It damaged the plumbing and water began to spray everywhere.

"Awww… if I knew there was going to a wet t-shirt competition I would have dressed for the occasion." Naoko mused as she realised that her lab coat wasn't the best attire for such an event. While Asuka attempted to pummel any living thing within her peripheral vision, they all failed to realise that a car had pulled up in front of the house. The door opened and an exhausted Shinji Ikari climbed out of the passenger side

"You did really well today Shinji-kun!" an older and very attractive female sitting in the driver seat said to him.

"I promise to work harder tomorrow, Natsumi-sempai." He replied a little out of breath.

"Sure thing sweetheart! I also have something special lined up for tomorrow's session as well. So be sure that you get a good night's rest. Remember your whole body is important for what we are doing." Natsumi blew him a kiss and gave a sexy wink before driving off.

"Ah… Shinji-kun…" Another girl's voice surprised him and nearly gave him a heart attack. He quickly turned around and found the class representative Hikari Horaki standing there.

"Oh Hikari-san! What brings you here?!" he asked like he was trying to hide something.

"I had taken Asuka's English textbook home by mistake and was returning it. Who was that woman?" the pig tail girl asked.

"Oh! Ah…! She was just someone I work with. Yeah… that's right… She's works with me at my part time job! Hahaha…" he answered a little unsure of him self and tried to hide it behind laughter.

"Say did you want to give that back to Asuka." He quickly changed the subject and led the girl towards his front door. They were half way there when a bathroom sink flew out of a second story window and narrowly missed them.

"Sigh… I guess they are all home…" he sighed and his walk became a reluctant trudge.

DATE – MARCH 3rd 2015

LOCATION – NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES HQ

"Silence everyone!" Chairwoman Yui Ikari stood at the head of the boardroom table and demanded everyone's attention. She had called an emergency meeting to discuss the latest developments in Shinji's bizarre changes in behaviour.

As the days and weeks continued he gradually grew more and more withdrawn and secretive. For a change, sensible thinking prevailed with the mother's club and they came to a sort of agreement that it was just Shinji being a normal teenager. But this line of thinking didn't last long. They had confronted his friends at school and they didn't know anything. They went to his father but he dismissed their claims. The situation was at breaking point for them.

"I thought we were going to have snacks at this meeting?" Naoko politely raised her hand and asked a question.

"Stop thinking about your stomach! We have to find out what's wrong with my baby boy!" Yui pointed an excusing finger and demanded co operation.

"Here you go!" Misato placed a tray of sweets and small cakes in the middle of the boardroom table. "As promised membership fees from the Shin-chan Appreciation Association will supply light snacks and refreshments."

"Misa-chan please!" Yui said almost crying. But it was too late as everyone helped themselves to the tray.

"Good thing you didn't go cheap on the snacks. You must have got some extra tips from your clients that you regularly service." Asuka insinuated Misato's prostitution was more profitable this week.

"Oho…" The older woman tried to remain calm but was still visibly shaking with rage. "I purposely brought the no sugar diet snacks as we all know that Shinji doesn't like fat girls with pimples."

The two combatants had traded initial insults and were now ready to start the first round.

"HA! She has you there girl!" Kyoko laughed at her daughter with half a cup cake in her mouth.

"EVERYONE!" Yui slammed her palms onto the table. Her patience had finally run out.

"Geez… Yui…" Kyoko said getting up to fix herself a drink to wash down her cup cake.

"Listen Shinji is just like any other healthy teenage boy. He's probably sneaking over to a friend's place and they are watching porno movies or something." Her sample scenario drained the blood completely from Yui's face.

"Awww… he could have just asked me. I would have lent mine if he just asked." Misato pouted feeling a little felt out.

"Yeah but still! He's been like this for a while now. Just how many pornos can boys watch anyway?" Mana asked which caused everyone to look at her strangely.

"Girlfriend… You have a lot to learn about the male species…" Naoko told her in a wise and motherly tone.

"Perhaps… May be…" Rei mumbled to herself but was over heard by her mother who scrambled across the table. She was desperate to hear another explanation for Shinji's not being himself. "With White Day approaching, there may be a chance that he is preparing."

"Ha! I knew it! My Shin-chan is working really hard so he can get that penthouse suite for just us. There he'll do this! Oh and that! Oh my god and this! Whoa!" Misato was smitten and already half way through her day dream of Shinji taking her body and having his way with her. It was enough for her to fall out of her chair backwards.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Asuka snapped at both Misato and Rei but only the Ikari twin answered her.

"Are you unaware of the custom of White Day?" Rei turned her head slightly. If she was surprised that they didn't know about White Day, she didn't really show any emotion.

"I know what White Day is!" Asuka shouted back upset that Rei thought she was stupid.

"Ah! Shinji-kun is so romantic! I can't believe that he's going through all this effort for White Day!" Mana also began to concoct various scenarios with her and the boy. Asuka on the other hand was a little more reserved. She wanted to believe that her baka Shinji had the initiative to do something like this but something was still amiss.

Well, well… looks like the boy really does have a set on him… He's still young but I guess you're never too young to start and…" Kyoko stood up and stretched her arms. "And I'm one that never knocks back a free meal as they say."

"Oh my… this is going to be complicated I never knew that Shinji liked older women… What am I going to do? I'm Ritsuko's mother we shouldn't be having this sort of relationship." Naoko Akagi was also bouncing around romantic notions inside her head but had to contend with the so called marriage between Shinji and her daughter.

"Actually… now that I think about… There is the excitement of the forbidden love between son and mother in law… Hehehe… things are starting to look up!"

"BAKA SHOTA-CONS MUST DIE!!!" Yui launched herself at her two friends in order to protect her baby boy's chastity.

"But that woman…" Hikari mumbled under her breath but just like Rei nothing goes unnoticed in the Shin-chan Appreciation Association.

"Woman?" the rest of the females asked, focusing all of their attention on the class representative.

"WHAT WOMAN!" Hikari was startled at first with everyone in her face and when she didn't answer they demanded again.

"The other day I saw Shinji-kun get dropped off outside his house by some woman!" She said quickly fearing that her safety was in danger if she didn't comply.

"WHO WAS SHE?!" this time everyone scrambled across the boardroom table and surrounded Hikari.

"He said that she was a work colleague." She stuttered regretting that she had opened her mouth

"WHAT SHE LOOK LIKE?!" they all chorus.

"Well…she drove a new car and was very pretty." At this stage the poor girl was on the verge of wetting herself.

"What else Hikari? I can always tell when you are holding out on something." Asuka was trying hard to stay calm and not take out her building anger on her best friend.

"I didn't hear everything they said but I'm sure she said she had something special for him and his body! Please don't hurt me!" She quickly shielded her face afraid that they may attack at any time but it didn't come. Hikari opened her eyes to see what happening.

Everyone else in the room was giving off a tremendous and terrifying aura that smelt like death. It thirsts for blood and wanted destruction. The Shin-chan Appreciation Association had turned into the living, breathing, organic feminine death machine.

"ARRRGH!!!" Hikari didn't care who sounded like the T-Rex from Jurassic Park and just dove for cover. She hid underneath the table and would stay as everything around her was systematically torn apart.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL…"

WHACK

The noise of the destruction caused Ritsuko investigate. She was the only female with enough sense to not be a member the Shin-chan Appreciation Association. But the head scientist for NERV was interrupted by a chair that was launched like a missile at her head.

"MEMBERS ONLY!!!" Some of them screamed at her viciously and continued venting their anger on the corporate board room.

DATE – MARCH 14th 2015

LOCATION – IKARI HOUSEHOLD

Over a week had past since Hikari's revelation of the new woman that Shinji has been hanging around and things have been a little strained for everyone. Shinji was rarely home and when he was just isolate himself in his bedroom. But today, everyone was hoping that it would end. They had all secretly hoped that he was planning some sort of surprise for White Day and today was the day everything was going to revealed.

"Hey Hikari." Asuka greeted her best friend outside the school gates. "Have you seen those monkeys yet?!"

She had stopped by Shinji's house again this morning only to find him missing again. She had walk to school with Rei and you could guess the conversation between the two was enriching and non stop.

"You mean Ikari-kun? No, not yet." The class representative then turned to Mana. "Don't you usually see Suzahara-kun and Aide-kun on your way to school in the mornings?"

"Hmmm... now that you mention it. Those two are usually running because they are late, but I didn't see them." She replied which sparked her curiosity.

"Oh my god!" Some excited random voice female voice almost screamed. "I can't believe he gave me something! Sempai gave me something!"

The four girls watched the student show off the White Day gift she received from a senior student. The scene just infuriated Asuka. She stomped towards class barging past anyone who was in her way. The rest followed her to class and prepared them selves to jump into damage control when the young firebrand unleashed. But what awaited them in class was something they didn't expect. It was three empty seats where Shinji, Touji and Kensuke sat.

Before Asuka could launch one of the desks out the window, the home room teacher arrived and Hikari went through her morning procedure as the class representative. The class roll was taken and Kawrou was found to be absent as well.

The rest of the day was very difficult for the four girls. They were the only ones not to get pampered by a White Day gift. Though, no one dared to make fun of their situation as Asuka was already itching for any excuse to destroy. Even Rei's ever cool exterior was showing signs of cracking from being ignored on White Day. The minute hand on the class room clock appeared to tick backwards for the quartet but eventually their torture ended. They dragged their feet towards the school gate for the long journey home. Usually Asuka would be full of fire ready to rip and tear Shinji when they got home but she was just sick of everything.

When she and Rei arrived back at the Ikari household, an unusual sight greeted them. Yui, Naoko, Kyoko and Misato where sitting in the living room all with serious faces. It was an emergency meeting of the Shin-chan Appreciation Association. And if things weren't serious enough when Rei informed that that Shinji wasn't at school today, all hell broke loose. Everyone was too busy panicking realise the phone was ringing.

"Yeah what is it?!" No one else was going to answer it and she practically lived there so Asuka picked up the phone

"Hello? Asuka!" the girl's voice on his home phone initially surprised him.

"BAKA?! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" She screamed at him. Everyone stopped they were doing and listened.

"Sorry. Something had come up at work and couldn't get to school today. I rang the principal and he knows." He replied half heartedly revealing that he was lying.

"Don't lie! Do you know what today is?!" She snarled.

"Listen…" he ignored her demanding question. "Can you tell my mum that'll be staying at a friend's place tonight?" Suddenly a second voice appeared on the line.

"Shinji-kun! Any longer and your body will cool down. That's not good for what we are trying to do." The female voice called out to him.

"Oh! Sorry Natsumi-sempai!" He replied.

"WHO THE HELL WAS THAT?! YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOW!!!" Asuka yell down the receiver. She had now heard first hand everything that Hikari confirmed.

"Sorry Asuka I gotta go!" Shinji quickly ended the call. The engaged tone playing back to her caused sent in a rage and frenzy like never before. She grabbed the telephone by the base and ripped it out of the wall. The coaxial cable remained attached to the base so as she pulled and massive gouge through the plaster board. Eventually the cable snapped and she was able to launch it out the window.

"THEN GO! I HATE YOU!!!" She screamed after the telephone. Then she ran out of the house distressed and crying.

DATE – 15th MARCH 2015

LOCATION – SOHRYU HOUSEHOLD

After returning home, Asuka collapsed on the couch. It was a restless and uncomfortable but eventually she fell asleep. There was no alarm clock so she had no idea what time it was when she woke. But she was pretty sure that it was late which didn't matter because she didn't really feel like going to school. With nothing better to do she rolled over on the couch and tried to fall sleep again.

"Hey sleepy head." A soft voice called out to her and a gentle hand rocked her shoulder. The presence of a stranger initially startled her but the voice was so familiar she didn't have to turn around to see who it was.

"This must be the first time that I have woken you up." Shinji mused as he tried to get the girl to face him.

"Go away… Ain't you too busy with your job and girlfriend to hang around with me?!" There was venom and spite in her voice.

"Listen Asuka…" Shinji tried to say something but something clicked inside the girl.

"JUST SHUT UP!!!" she screamed at him. Her scream was different than one of her trademark shouting tirades. It didn't have her usually upbeat in your face energy. It sounded more like a normal fourteen year old girl on the verge of crying. He tried again to make her face him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she screamed again hiding her angry and tearful eyes.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" Everything she kept inside was let out verbally and physically. She quickly sat up and beat him with her hands. There was no power, they were more random slaps. Asuka's hands were too quick for Shinji so he decided to just pull her body close to his and just hold her until she stopped fighting.

"I guess I deserved that… I had a feeling that you would be really upset with me…" he whispered into her ear which sent a shiver down her spine but did little to cool her rage.

"I guess if I said I was sorry you'll probably slap me for real." she started crying in his chest.

"You… you smell…good…" she whimpered surprisingly. She pulled away and found him sharply dressed in a dark three button single breasted suit. His shirt and tie were a matching burgundy. He had got a hair cut and put some effort into styling it.

"I have Kaji to thank for this. I honestly have no idea about all that stuff." He answered noticed her state of shock in his dress. Next he lifted her delicate face up so their eyes meet.

"I'll be waiting for you outside." He wiped away the tears from her cheek then stood up. She instantly missed the warmth of his body and questions flooded her mind.

"Huh? Where are you going?!" She wanted him to stay. Asuka had never seen Shinji in formal dress before and wanted to look some more.

"But it would be impolite to watch a lady get dressed for the ball." He replied sounding cool then quickly left. Asuka got up to chase him and get some more answers but she was stopped.

"Oh my God! Asuka! You have to get dressed! Everyone is waiting for you!" It was her best friend Hikari. The first thing Asuka noticed about her friend was her appearance. She donned an elegant evening gown. Her hair and makeup were done perfectly. She looked like a model from some magazine.

"What's going on why are you so dressed up?!" Asuka asked her friend.

"I have to apologize for my daughter, Hikari." Kyoko's voice was followed by the woman stepping out from the hallway. "She's always slow when she first wakes."

The young red head would have normally tossed the nearest heavy object at her so called mother but she was dolled up even more beautifully than Hikari. Her usually business suit was replaced with a daring and sexy ensemble that complemented her figure perfectly.

"O…kay…" The young red head pinched her cheek to make sure that it wasn't one of the weirdest dreams.

"Come on girls!" A third voice belonging to Yui Ikari was followed by a double clap.

"It's time for another make over!" Suddenly the room was bombarded by all the girls as they went into hyper clucky sisterhood mode with dresses, make up and hair. Shinji had timed his exit for this very reason.

"Yo Shinji!" This friend Touji called out to him as he walked out the front door of the Sohryu's household. He waved back and jogged towards his friend.

"Where's Kensuke?" He asked and was directed to one of the limousines. Inside the boy was trading sneaky photos with Kaji. Somewhat of argument had erupted between the two as they haggled and bargain to try and get themselves the best deal. Sitting with them but not interested on the conversation was Kaworu Nagisa. His eyes were closed and his mind was trying to block out the stupidity.

"Dude what happened to your suit?" Touji noticed some tear strains on Shinji jacket and tried to wipe them away. "Man… You really did make the red devil cry…"

"Yeah something like that happened. By the way, have you seen my father?" Shinji changed the subject and tried to stop his friend from fussing over his appearance.

"I was just on the phone to our special guest. It appears that his private jet will arrive late. He will meet us there." Gendou's voice caused Shinji to jump but the man produced a handkerchief to wipe the moisture from Shinji's jacket. "If you are going to do something then you should do it properly."

"Yeah dude!" Touji agreed with the older man.

"Even your tie isn't straight." The boy wasn't so gentle when trying to help his friend. His moments jerked Shinji's head and neck around.

"Suzahara-kun!" the dominating voice of the class representative called out just like they were school. The girl stomped up to her date today. "That's no way to treat your best friend! It's thanks to Shinji that we are doing this!"

"Ah… Hikari… it's really nothing!" Shinji tried to calm the situation while hiding his neck pains.

"Shinji! Shinji!" The next thing he knew his mother and Kyoko grabbed him by each arm and hauled him off.

"Hey! Hey! Slow down!" The two were rushing him to see what they had done with Asuka. The girl was currently hidden by Misato and Naoko who were still fussing over the smallest detail.

"Geez… it wouldn't have killed you to stave a few days so your dress wasn't busting at the seams." Naoko said to the young girl. "This is your first time to impress Shinji and you look like a whale wearing a stocking."

"SHUT UP!" Her dress restricted her arms so she decided to kick Naoko. Unfortunately her matching designer shoe flew off her foot and bounced towards Shinji. Asuka just panicked and turned around hiding her face from the boy.

"Oho… If you don't want Shin-chan then I'll be more than happy to take him." Misato whispered into her ear. Before Asuka could turn around to say anything Misato was already with Shinji with her arms draped around his shoulders.

"I'm not wearing any underwear. You wanna see?" She said lustfully while burying his face in her cleavage. Luckily for the boy Kyoko rescued him before he could suffocate.

"Isn't your date over here Misato?" Yui helped dragged the woman towards Kaji who was still in the middle of negotiations with Kensuke over which scandalous photos to trade.

I think it's time we left the love birds alone for a moment." Naoko told Rei and Mana. Shinji noticed that Rei didn't start walking after the Akagi woman.

"It's okay. I don't think she'll hit me this time." Shinji whispered to his twin reassuring that his well being wasn't in danger. She nodded left but still kept a careful eye on her brother.

"You know Misato-san is right… If you don't want him someone else is going to grab him." Mana parting words were some sound advice. She skipped past Shinji and gave him a playfully wink.

"Don't take too long good looking." The girl finished off with blowing a kiss. Flattered by the gesture, Shinji laughed while trying to hide his redness. It was just the two of them again. Asuka didn't say anything and kept her back to him. He decided that he would have to take the initiative.

Asuka could hear and feel him getting closer. Part of her wanted to be back in his arms like before and other part wanted to smack him good for being a baka.

"You really have to be more careful. These shoes cost over sixty thousand Yen." He said bending over and picking her missing shoe.

"No one asked you spend that much!" it came out totally wrong and she wanted to take back what she said.

"Then I shouldn't tell you how your dress cost." He smiled like her harsh words didn't worry him. Shinji was now in front of her still holding her shoe. He knelt down and carefully slipped it back on her foot just like the Cinderella fairytale.

"Baka…" She sniffled. "When did you become such a romantic?"

"White Day only happens once a year doesn't it?" He looked up and was met by Asuka's soft warm lips. She didn't care that everyone was watching. She had heard the words that she wanted to hear from him. Shinji reciprocated the kiss and slowly stood up so she didn't have to bend over. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he placed his hands on her waist.

"Awww… What can't you be romantic baka Gendou!" Yui said getting all emotional. She quickly took off one of her shoes and tossed it to the ground.

"Go fetch!" She commanded like he was a dog. He just looked at her with his inscrutable business mask. It was the face that he would use during business negotiations and hostile take-overs.

WHACK

Yui delivered a blow with her wooden spoon. Where she concealed it in her one piece garment was a mystery.

"Ya! Alright Poochie Kaji! You do the same!" Misato wanted to be special and be treated like a princess. She followed Yui and removed a shoe.

"Poochie nothing! I still can't see out of this eye!" He whined clutching the left side of his face. It was divine punishment carried out by Misato after hearing about his secret photo side business.

"Yo old man!" Director Fuyutsuki was keeping quiet and out of sight so not to be caught in the cross fire of any random Ikari battle. Suddenly he was confronted by Naoko and Kyoko. Both of them thrust a shoe in his face. They too didn't want to be left out.

The three men being bossed around at the same time was an amusing sight for the high schoolers. While Touji and Kensuke laughed and Kaworu just sported a smile but they didn't realise how close they were to joining them.

"That's a lot better than holding my nose." Shinji said after they broke their first official kiss. While the rest of the group was practicing dog training, it gave Shinji and Asuka some time to reflect.

"Yeah… but your breathing still tickles…" It was a few months ago when Asuka stayed over at Shinji. There was an emergency at work so her mother and Shinji's parents weren't home. The truth was that Misato had started a drinking game during the Shin-chan Appreciation Association then they decided to terrorise Gendou and the others. The storm had caused a blackout and setting the scene for Asuka dared him to kiss her. Shinji was against it but constant harassing made him comply. He was so nervous and his heavy breathing tickled her face so she pinched his nostrils and took control. The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence.

"It's nice… It tickles but feels nice…" She rested her forehead against his.

"AHHH! BAKA GENDOU!" Yui's high pitch voice ruined their moment. "You don't shove it on! You jammed my pinkie toe!!!"

WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK.

WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK.

WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK.

WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK.

What followed was a quick succession of wooden spoon attacks. It was then Shinji quickly decided that they better get a move along before he had to deal with a fatality or the authorities but first he had to deal with everyone wanting to ride in the same limousine as him.

Eventually they were able to decide on something and reached their destination. It was the new super shopping complex that NERV's corporate construction was building for the city.

Shinji was first out of his car and opened the door for Asuka. She smile and half blushed at the way he was being a gentleman treating her properly like a lady should. He offered his arm to her and she happily accepted.

"Baka Kaji! Why can't you be more like Shin-chan?" Misato voice was followed by the man's body flying out of the car backwards.

"Oh God Misato! That was my only good eye left!" Kaji cried out in pain as grabbed the other side of his face.

Asuka looked up at her man and saw him sighing.

"Hey let's forget about them okay." She told him reassuringly and gave him a kiss on the cheek for encouragement.

"Hey you two! Shouldn't you get a room?" They turned around to see that their class mates had caught up to them. The boys offering their arm to their partner just like Shinji had. Touji forgot about Hikari for a moment and grabbed his friend in a head lock. She didn't mind much as it gave her time to talk to Asuka about the kiss.

"Ken-suke! He-lp!" Shinji cried out the last remaining member of their trio.

"Sorry but what sort of person would I be if I abandoned my date." He tried to put on a handsome smile to Mana but it just came across as goofy grin which she sighed.

"Say Shinji!" Mana removed herself from the Aide boy. "You've hung around Sohryu long enough. Let's have some time together!"

"Ah…Mana…" Shinji tried to reply to the flattering offer but someone else spoke for him.

"Back off bitch! He's mine!" Asuka almost snarled and latched onto Shinji's arm again like he was a procession. He was now being stretched in both directions by his friends.

"Were you expecting another party?" Rei walked past with Kawrou. She noticed another car pull up behind their limousines. This gave Shinji the perfect excuse to escape for the moment.

"I'll be right back!" He broke free and ran towards the car to greet the new arrival. The passenger door opened and a tall westerner dressed in a suit like Shinji stepped out. Shinji welcomed him with a bow but the man insisted on a handshake. They exchanged a few words then made their way towards Asuka and others.

"Huh?! Papa?!" As they approached, Asuka instantly recognised the man as her estranged father.

"EH?! PAPA?!" the other children exclaimed. She never talked about her father to anyone except Shinji and her mother. Her friends never really asked or risked feeling her wrath. They all knew that something had happen to her family when she was young.

"Hello, my name is Eckehard Wolfgang Briefadel Zeppelin. I am Asuka's father. Pleased to meet you all." The German nobleman spoke Japanese perfectly.

"Wha… what… are you doing here?!" Asuka asked completely astonished

"Your boyfriend here." He placed a hand on Shinji's shoulder. "Said he had something special planned for White Day. But foremost, is that any way to greet your father?"

WHACK

Asuka walked up to her father and swiftly kicked him in the shin. The man began cursing in German and hopping around on one leg.

"Baka! Who said he was my boyfriend!" She grabbed Shinji and dragged him away with a blush across her face.

"Asuka! Should we be leaving like this?!" Hikari asked worried about what had happened between her best friend and father.

"Hang on! What's this about Shinji being YOUR boyfriend?!" Mana Kirashima was more concerned about Shinji and Asuka being declared a couple.

"Just shut up and follow!" Asuka just barked back while still putting distance between her and Eckehard.

The pain was slowly subsiding in Eckehard's leg and with the kids already inside the shopping complex, he turned towards the parents.

"Hiya Eggy!" Yui and Naoko cheered and waved happily. They hadn't seen the man in almost ten years but weren't surprised to see him.

"It was been a long time Yui-san, Naoko-san." He bowed politely showing his noble upbringing and lineage.

"I suppose it would be too much to ask if you call me by my proper name." Eckehard Wolfgang Briefadel Zeppelin said standing back up.

"Nah! We are comfortable with Eggy!" Naoko laughed and slapped the man on the back like they were old drinking buddies down at the local pub.

"Are you mad! You had the perfect excuse for not turning up! Why on earth did you decide to come?!" Gendou tried to whisper to his business partner in Germany. He couldn't understand why anyone would travel all this way just to be punished. Unfortunately his word didn't go unnoticed by his wife.

"Oho… Can you to repeat that dear?" Yui said struggling to control her temper. She grabbed his earlobe and twisted as hard as she could.

"I see that not much has changed." Eckehard said and Fuyutsuki could only nod as Kaji stumbled in front of them still wailing about loosing his sight. This was followed by Misato berating him for being such a useless date.

"Knock! Knock!" Their attention turned to Naoko who was tapping furiously on the window of a car. "Open up Kyoko! We have someone here that would like to see you!"

"No way! You tell the fat egg head that I don't wanna see him!" Kyoko had locked herself inside the limousine when she spotted her estranged husband first step out of the car. The unresolved issues between former husband and wife were clearly still there.

"Awww… you can play Cinderella with Eggy like Shinji did with Asuka." Naoko tried to persuade her friend to leave the car. She wasn't doing because she wanted them reunited; she wanted something to happen so they have some gossip to talk about tomorrow morning.

WHACK

Suddenly the car door swung open and barrelled the Akagi women out of the way. A designer woman's shoe flew out and landed in Eckehard's hands. Then a slender leg extended out of the car.

"What are you waiting for?!" She wiggled her foot waiting to be treated like a princess.

While the insanity and confusion continued outside, Asuka led Shinji and the others inside. She suddenly stopped when it occurred to her that she had no idea where they were supposed to go.

"Why'd you stop?!" Shinji asked. It was a reflex response from the boy who had grown accustomed to just following her orders so it wouldn't cause any trouble.

"What you mean?! This is your surprise!" Asuka half yelled at him. She didn't mean to but part of her was upset that he had invited her father along.

"Oh yeah." Shinji put on a foolish grin which normally would have brought about a slap from Asuka but this time she just smiled at him and took her place on his arm.

"Plea-se! Asu-ka! Sl-ow do-wn!" The girls was out of breath from running and the fact that they were in heels made it all the more difficult.

Shinji produced a small remote from his jacket pocket. After he clicked it, the wall behind them began to move. It actually wasn't a real wall but a motorised partition. It slid and folded away to reveal a hidden section which was huge like an arena or concert hall. In the middle was a large round dinner table with lavish coverings.

Silverware matched the fine porcelain china which was offset with candles and the scattering of rose petals.

"Oh wow… You did all this?" Asuka asked her date for the occasion.

"Everyone helped. Father and Fuyutsuki helped with the venue and catering. Everyone's dresses Kaji picked out and he helped with our suit fittings. I really have no idea about all this fancy stuff." Shinji explained.

"But still Shinji…" Mana was very impressed. "It was you that to put everything together."

"He's just being modest. It was all his idea from the start. We only helped out where we could." Kensuke vouched for his friend. His admission got the boys some brownie points from all the girls.

"Well the band was Ken's idea. I had completely forgotten about any music." Shinji half laughed from embarrassment that he was getting most of the credit. Then just the four piece string band began playing a mellow ballad. Hikari and Mana giggled and squealed at the romantic ambiance.

"I'M SO PROUD!!!" A familiar voice signalled dread to Shinji's ears. He felt a pair of arms wrap around his body from behind and pull him into a tight hug.

"MY BABY BOY HAS GROWN UP TO BECOME SUCH A ROMANTIC GENTLEMAN!!!" Proud tears of joy poured down Yui's faces as she continued to squeeze the life from her son. Her appearance indicated that the adults were done 'playing' outside and ready to join everyone else.

"EH!?" Asuka screamed and pointed at her mother and father walking together arms entwine.

"Oho… Looks like Asuka may have a little brother or sister pretty soon." Naoko joked and then jumped out of reach of any attack. Unfortunately Fuyutsuki wasn't aware and ended up as collateral damage.

"Can we please sit down and eat?" Gendou asked hoping that some was listening. He was still rubbing his left ear after almost having it ripped off by his better half. Someone was listening but unfortunately it wasn't the response he was looking for.

"I CALL THE SEAT NEXT TO SHIN-CHAN!" Misato shouted much to the disbelief of Kaji standing next to her.

"What about me?!" He asked annoyed that after jumping through her hoops and taking all sorts of punishment it still looked like he had not progressed any further with the woman of his dreams.

"Awww… Don't worry you're still my little poochie Kaji." She patted him on top of the head.

"Oh yeah… you hear that?" He puffed his chest out and struck a pose for Kensuke and Touji. "That's how to get a woman, boys. She called me her... HEY WAIT A MINUTE!"

Eventually a seating arrangement was agreed upon where people would take turns sitting next to Shinji. When a course was finished then it would be time to change seats. It was cumbersome and annoying but at least it resolved any arguments ruining the wonderful food.

Unknown to everyone, Asuka had taken hold of Shinji's hand underneath the table. At first he thought it was a romantic gesture and it was but it also served as an early warning system for him when someone else tried flirting with him.

"Hey Shinji, is there anymore food? I'm still hungry!" Naoko called out rudely across the table after the final desert was cleared by the catering supplied waiters.

"You ungrateful bottomless cow! My baby boy worked so hard for everyone and you want more!!!" Yui picked up a fork and threw it at her friend. It pierced the side of her head.

"HAHAHA! Look at fork girl!" Yui ridiculed her friend and made sure that everyone knew about it.

"Damn it gramps! Don't pull so hard!" Naoko cursed as Fuyutsuki tried to remove the utensil from her skull. Shinji used the amusing moment to call over one of the waiters. Asuka noticed that he gave him some instructions quietly. The band stopped playing and began packing up their equipment.

"What was that about?" She asked him and he just smiled back. He stood up from the table and help Asuka out of her chair.

"Come with me." He offered his hand. She accepted but couldn't help feeling a little nervous. She was seeing a new side of Shinji which confused her and also made it exciting.

"You can't come fork girl!" Yui couldn't help herself with one final insult as she got up to follow her son without waiting for her husband. But the mother had dropped her guard and didn't see Naoko frisbee a plate that she randomly grabbed from the table.

She purposely aimed for the feet and timed it so Yui's back heel would step right on top. The fragile chinaware had the effect of a landmine. Yui's feet kicked out from underneath and she launched into the air. She landed on her neck in a very awkward angle with a tremendous thud. Her dress followed the rules of gravity and exposed her backside to the air.

"HAHAHA! Look at fat ass Yui-chan!" Naoko complete with fork still attached had her revenge. Everyone's attention was on another Ikari family cat fight which gave Shinji and Asuka some time alone.

"Where are you taking me?" The red asked, genuinely curious. Shinji had led her through a hallway full of scaffolding that wasn't completed.

"You have to be careful but we are almost there." He continued to hold Asuka's hand and guide her through the construction. Eventually they reached some thick plastic drop sheets serving as a temporary curtain. They were opaque so you couldn't really see what was on the other side. He pulled them back for her to past and come to an indoor ice skating ring. The area was dimly lit with only the minimal sunlight coming through the windows. This gave the ice an almost mystic blue hue which matched the cool air. The barriers were only half completed and there was still a lot of to be done.

"Our skates are over here." Shinji took her towards a bench. To the side a stack of boxes were piled up. Each of them had a name including her father she noticed as Shinji scanned the side of each one. He picked up two and sat her on the bench.

"I hope they aren't hire skates. I didn't bring any socks." She joked with him after realising what was in the boxes.

"Nothing but the best for Cinderella." He joked back while kneeling down and loosening the laces on Asuka's stakes.

"When did you change baka?" Asuka asked herself as she watched him delicately put her boots on her feet. When he was done he quickly whipped her dressed shoes off and slapped his skates on hastily so not to make her wait.

"You know I haven't skated since I was little back in Germany." She told him balancing on the blades.

"Well…" He stood and took Asuka's hand again to help her walk towards the ice. "It's a good thing that I had lessons."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. Shinji was first to step onto the ice and she followed. Still in shock that Shinji had taken lessons just for today, Asuka wasn't concentrating and lost balance. Luckily Shinji was paying attention and caught her. He took her weight and pushed them both across the ice.

"When did you learn to ice skate?" It then occurred to her. From the start Shinji had this planned almost a month before. There was no after school job. Instead he and the others organised and arranged everything just for White Day. When they had some free time they would help with the construction so everything they needed was ready on time. That was the reason why he and the others were acting strangely.

"It took a lot longer than I thought but Natsumi-sempai was a great help." He made sure that she was able to stand before letting her go and then proceed to skate a ring around her slowly.

"Natsumi-sempai?! You mean that girl on the phone?!" Asuka asked trying not to get upset.

"Yeah. When this place is finished, she's going to be the manger. She taught us how to ice skate in return for helping around the place." Shinji answered and then stopped in front of her. Asuka cursed herself for thinking that Natsumi was something more to Shinji.

"What? Did I say something strange?" he asked puzzled by the look on her face.

"No… I just realised that you haven't changed much at all." She told Shinji which just baffled him and left an odd look on his face. But this soon disappeared as Asuka kissed him deeply on the lips again. The two teenagers wrapped their arms around each other in the middle of the ice. Asuka's arms didn't want to let go of her body and her lips didn't want to leave his.

"Geez… gone for only five minutes and these two are already at it again." They suddenly broke the kiss when they heard Touji's crass remark.

"Stupid ape!" Asuka snarled and wanted blood for ruining her moment but Hikari dealt the punishment for her in the form of a swift elbow to his ribs.

"Hey wait for us!" Mana and Misato called out as they scrambled through the boxes for their skates. Their dates Kensuke and Kaji were lagging behind.

"Don't mind us. You may continue." Shinji heard his sister's voice and then saw her skate pass holding hands with Kawrou. How they manage to get was a mystery.

"WAHHH!!! SHINNNJJJJIII!!!" Suddenly he was confronted two very upset people. They bolted through the construction leaving a skid marks and a trail of dust then made it onto the ice without loosing their balance or footing.

"Look what Yui did!" Naoko was first pointing to the fork still sticking out the side of her head.

"No! She broke my heel!" Yui thrust her damaged shoe in front of her son's face.

"She started it!" The excuses continued back and forth. There was no point to the argument which made Shinji wonder why they even bother trying to win.

"Ah… Why don't you find Kyoko-san! She's good with these sorts of things." He offered a lame solution.

"Oho…" Naoko's voice changed from a whiny child to her usually mischievous self.

"We saw her and Eggy head back out to the cars." She snickered. "I bet they didn't even make it to the hotel room and the back seat is getting a work out."

"AH!" Yui quickly covered Shinji and Asuka's ears before the story could get any raunchier. "How dare you pollute my baby boy and his future wife with your sleazy sex story?! Asuka is going to be baring my grandchildren!"

"Wife what!" Asuka didn't catching everything that was said and struggled furiously to free herself.

"Don't worry a picture is always better than words." Naoko produced a small hand held television which contained a feed from the spy camera hidden in the limousine.

"ARGH!!! FREAKS!!!" Before Asuka could inflict some retribution, Shinji intervened. He reached for the small remote in his pocket again and activated something. Slowly the roof above them began to retract revealing a crimson evening sky. Suddenly there was an explosion in the distance and something from the ground streaked across the sky. The projectile reached its peak and bloomed into a fiery flower in the form of a firework. Soon the whole sky was filled with kaleidoscope of colour

"Ah! Fireworks!" Mana and Misato cried with delight as they meet Shinji and the others in the middle of the ice. Soon everyone else joined. Even Gendou and Kaji. The fireworks display served as a distraction which made it semi safe for them to approach.

"Huh?" Yui felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist. She looked behind her and it was her husband.

"Not bad even you for you Baka Gendou." She smiled and gave him a loving kiss on the cheek. For once she acted like a normal wife and let her man hold her as they enjoyed the fireworks show.

Misato felt an arm around shoulders and pulled her close. She instantly recognised the cologne that the man was wearing.

"You know that's my favourite." She said and rested her head on Kaji's shoulder and continued to watch the fireworks display.

"It is. I didn't know that…" he replied nonchalantly and then kissed her on top of the head, showing no signs of his injuries from before.

"Huh?!" Touji suddenly felt a small and nervous hand take hold of his. He looked down and saw that it was Hikari. Her face was very red and she looked almost scared. Touji gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and her face changed instantly.

Kaworu was carefully watching everyone with their partners and thought he might make his move with Rei. He slowly moved one arm around her back and down her waist. He was about to pull her body close to his when someone interrupted.

"What you think you're doing boy?!" The gruff and threatening voice belonged to Rei's father. He menacingly glared down the Nagisa boy through his glasses. But his tough act didn't last long as a back handed fit smacked him in the face.

"Baka Gendou! You ruin my Rei's first date and ruin this perfect moment!" Yui snarled at her better half.

"What?! He was sleazing all over my daughter! What did you expect me to do?!" He argued with a bloody nose.

"Not good enough!" She began chasing him around the ice ring. Gendou was wearing skates and Yui still had her shoes with one broken heel but she was able to catch up to him easily.

"Hang on… It feels like we are missing someone." Naoko would have helped her friend chase the man but she had feeling that someone was missing.

Shinji felt Asuka squeeze his hand, telling him that she wanted them to be alone. They carefully skated away from the group.

"You know, I just realised something…" Asuka said to Shinji as they held hands and slowly skated around underneath the fireworks display. He moved in front and spun around to face her while still moving. She draped her arms around his neck and lean in for another kiss. When they broke the kiss she continued speaking.

"You're actually late. White Day was yesterday." She smiled and he apologised with a kiss that took her breath away and made her heart flutter.

"Mmmm… I don't think that you have apologized enough…"

LOCATION – TOKYO THREE GENERAL HOSPITAL

Ritsuko tried to get some needed sleep but the pain was keeping her awake. The double dose of pain killers wasn't helping. After getting hammered with the heavy chair while investigating the strange noises from the boardroom during the Shin-chan Appreciation Association meeting, someone eventually called an ambulance and she was taken away for medical treatment. The attending doctor said that her injuries were similar to a motor vehicle accident.

"At least I get a couple of weeks away from those nutcases…" She tried to think about the positives but it was hard. There was a knock on the door and a nurse excused herself.

"Akagi-san, this was dropped off at the front desk." The female attendant placed a small box on her bedside stand.

"I see. Do you know who dropped it off?" She was worried that may be her mother and the others might be playing a prank.

"I think it was a young boy." She answered and Ritsuko removed the letter attached to the parcel and begin reading.

_Dear Ritsuko-san,_

_I hope you are feeling better. Kaji told me what happened and I feel bad. My mother gets carried away but her intensions are good. Don't worry about anything at NERV. My dad said that you can rest as long as you want and I'll try to make sure that my mother and the others leave you alone. These chocolates aren't much but I hope you enjoy them._

_Happy White Day, Shinji Ikari_

_PS – If you are near a window today, be sure to look outside at 5pm_

She opened the box and found some handmade chocolate.

"Looks like you have an admirer. Is there anything else that you need?" The nurse asked.

"Could you open the curtains for me please?" Ritsuko requested while taking a bite from one of Shinji's chocolates. In the distance a fireworks display began.

"Hmmm… An arranged married eh?" The NERV scientist smiled to herself while enjoying the show and the chocolates.

THE END

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
For regular readers this isn't canon for the main fic itself. It was an entry to Nugar WAFFathon. So pairings here won't necessarily appear in proper chapters of Everyday. The OAV Special 01 title was just me being a smartass.

Thanks for reading, Wonga316


	24. Chapter 23

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 23

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

CONTACT  
Email - wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com  
LiveJournal – wonga316(dot)livejournal(dot)com

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR / CATERING / STUNT DOUBLE  
TheWickerMan (Some say he has never been defeated playing his Wii-Wii, all we know he's called TheWickerMan)

PROOF READER / EXECUTIVE PRODUCER / TEA LADY  
Lord Raa (Some say he's the reason why there is always trouble at the old mill, all we know he's called Lord Raa)

PROOF READER / ALL ROUND NICE GUY  
Chi Vayne (Some say he's the real reason for the Hollywood Writer's Guild strike, all we know he's called Chi Vayne)

DATE POSTED  
20080107

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

IKARI PRIVATE ARMY FIELD HOSPITAL

"Wake up Shinji! Wake up!" From the recesses of his deep slumber he heard his name gradually get louder and louder. His peaceful darkness of sleep began to shake from the person trying to wake him. He instinctively brushed them off and rolled over but they were persistent. He sought protection underneath his blanket but it wasn't enough of a deterrent. There was no way he could remain asleep.

"What? What is it?!" Shinji mumbled. He sat up and rubbed his face. It was then he noticed it. His hands weren't chibi-fied like yesterday. The young man looked down at his own body to find that to had returned to normal. The chibi clothes that Naoko made for him were now shreds of scrap material.

"That's what I have been trying to tell you." Asuka said in an 'I told you so' tone of voice.

"This is great! I'm back to normal!!!" Shinji jumped up on the bed and punched his fist into the air. In his excitement he had forgotten about his clothing situation and was now exposing everything to his female companion.

"Baka! What are you doing?!" There was no way Asuka could avoid seeing Shinji in all his glory. She quickly turned her head to hide the deep blush rising in her cheeks but had a hard time trying to keep her eyes from looking in his direction.

"Oh! I'm sorry! Please don't hit me?!" Quickly noticing that what he was doing Shinji quickly pulled the sheets around his waist and shielded his face. But the customary baka hentai slap wasn't forth coming.

"Just put these on! I need to talk to you!" A pair of army fatigues were thrust in his face. Shinji cautiously he took the pants from Asuka. He was a little confused why he had not copped some sort of physical attack for his actions.

"So… Errr…?" Shinji mumbled while trying to get dressed quickly. He tried to ask her why she was in his tent so early in the morning but he was cautious not to offend her. He had somehow avoided a slap and didn't want to push his luck.

"Are you clothed yet?!" She asked him. Shinji noticed that her eyes would flick in his direction even though her head was turned away.

"Yeah… So what is it-" He asked and then felt her hand grabbed his.

"Come with me!" Asuka dragged him out of bed and out of the tent.

It was early morning and the sun was just threatening to break through to start the new day. The morning air had its usual chill and Shinji could feel the dew underneath his bare feet. She led him through the camp made up of tents and crates of military equipment.

"Hey is that?" Shinji couldn't finish asking as they passed a tank parked to the side. The sight of the tank wasn't unusual it self but the people around the tank caught his attention.

Slumped length wise on the main gun of the war machine was Naoko Akagi. She was fast asleep lying like a lizard baking in the sun. Except that a lizard wouldn't have a badly damaged red rice cooker underneath its right arm.

Inside the tank with only her head exposed through the hatch opening was Yui Ikari. Shinji's mother was still wearing the tank driver's specialised helmet. The specialised targeting eye piece on the helmet was still in position like she was ready at moment to annihilate any target.

On the ground were Misato and Kyoko, each using an empty beer keg as a pillow and snoring away like fattened farm pigs.

"Shhh! We don't wanna wake them," Asuka told her male companion and hurried along.

They reached a side entrance leading out of the football field and into the stadium structure itself. The passage way was dark but she just continued to haul Shinji along. The pair turned and went up some stairs. Shinji was beginning to get short of breath from all the running. The stairs just seem to continue upwards. Eventually they reached the exit which was the very back row of the stadium, all the way up into the bleachers.

"Okay! Just give me a sec!" Shinji huffed and puffed. He hunched over placing his hands on his knees trying to get the much need oxygen into his burning lungs. All the running made him forget about the cool morning air and the fact that had no shirt or shoes.

Asuka, on the other hand, wasn't breathing nearly as hard. Her stamina for strenuous activities had always been much greater than his but the run had caused her to take some deep breaths as well.

"Are you really leaving?" She also demanded him. Asuka didn't waste any time and got straight to the point.

"Huh?" still regaining his breath Shinji didn't quite catch her question.

"I heard what Gohei said to you yesterday. She wants you to go away with her. I wanna know are going." She asked him again but made sure to not face him. Instead she looked out on the horizon to the rising sun.

"Hmmm… What did Gran say yesterday?" Shinji looked up towards the sky with a puzzled look on his features.

"You know I can't really remember." In his defence, he was groggy and starting to drift away when Gohei made him the offer.

"You shouldn't pressure him so much. Men don't like to be back into a corner," a third voice spoke and out from the shadows of the stairwell walked Gohei Ikari.

She was already dressed in her traditional and elegant kimono. This time she held a paper fan in one hand. On the fan was the Ikari family insignia.

"I've learnt that men will always say what ever you want to hear to just get away." The grandmother continued forward until she reached Shinji.

"And I'm afraid that even includes you, my grandson." She greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and ruffling up his uncombed morning bed hair.

"But that's what just makes you so adorable!" Shinji tried to stop Gohei's gentle ribbing but it only encouraged her even more.

"Why don't you butt out?! We were talking!" Asuka was pissed. The very last person she wanted to see was the woman threatening to take her baka Shinji away. Gohei's playacting was audacious and just infuriated the young redhead even more.

"Like I said Asuka…" Gohei opened the fan in front of her face and her eyes narrowed trying to intimidate the younger girl but it wasn't working. "We can't force Shinji to answer. We just have to let him answer on his own."

"But let us say, for example," Gohei dropped the menacing looking for the moment and took away the fan. "Shinji had decided to leave Japan. What would you say to make him stay? What would you do to make him stay?"

"That's none of your business!" Asuka snapped at her opponent which caused Gohei to laugh out loud. But Gohei had raised a good point. Asuka knew she didn't want him to go but she had no idea what she was going to do if he decided to leave. He was the one constant in her life and she wondered if she had taken their time together for granted.

"But enough about that!" Gohei dismissed the question and changed the subject. "How about I make my special pan cakes for breakfast? Yesterday was my steamed buns and I know that my pancakes are your favourite as well."

"Wow! That would be awesome!" Shinji didn't really know what Asuka and his grandmother were getting heated over. The mention of food caused him to realise how hungry he was.

"Okay! Now…" A sudden explosion interrupted Gohei. Instinctively she grabbed her grandson and Asuka underneath each arm. She looked down at the field and found the gun on Yui's tank was pointed in their direction with smoke billowing from the canon.

"That stupid daughter of mine!" She snarled before the shell landed close to where they were standing.

15 MINUTES LATER

"Shinji! Mummy's so sorry!!!" Yui cried with tears streaming down the sides of her cheek.

SMACK

"HEY!" The mother stopped the crying and tears to turn around at who belted her across the backside. "Do you mind?! I'm trying to talk to my son!"

SMACK. SMACK.

"Will you just shut up?! You're just making things worse!" Kyoko told Yui after grimacing from the harsh spank across her rear end. "Why am I being punished? I wasn't even in the tank!"

SMACK. SMACK. SMACK.

"Misato was with me. Tell them Misa!" everyone looked at the purpled haired woman who was still fast asleep on her empty beer keg mumbling her Shin-chan's name and various large vegetables. Kyoko just dropped her head in surrender.

SMACK. SMACK. SMACK. SMACK.

"Do you think I could get some ice for this burn?" Naoko asked sporting a red burn on the side of her face. She was still asleep on the barrel of the canon when Yui fired. The heat generated from the blast gave her a nasty wound but her injury didn't excuse her from any punishment.

All three mothers had their hands and feet tied. They were then bent over forwards on a bunch of crates with their backsides exposed. Yui had mistaken Shinji and the others in the stadium grounds as intruders attempting to infiltrate the base. She was still on edge from Shinji's kidnapping and half asleep when she fired the tank's main gun.

Delivering the punishment was none other than Grandmother Gohei Ikari. She had skilfully avoided the blast with Shinji and Asuka in each arm; and done so without tarnishing with kimono. Right now the woman was burning with a strong desire to discipline the imbeciles that tried to blow her into little chucks of meat. Her desire was so strong that it formed blood red aura around her body.

"Ah… Gran?" Shinji approached his grandmother with a quiet voice. He had seen a similar red glow with his mother and knew he had to be cautious.

"Don't worry Shinji," The homicidal feeling instantly faded away with her demonic aura when the boy spoke. She turned to him with a warm and pleasant smile "How do you like your pancakes? Have you finished eating? I can make more. You are a growing boy so course you want more. Just give grandma a moment here and I'll make some extra special ones for you!"

"ONLY I COOK MY BABY'S BEAKFAST!" Yui screamed at her mother and strained to break the knot that bind her hands and feet together but it was no use.

SMACK

"You be quiet!" Gohei delivered another blow with her fan across Yui's bum.

"There are plenty of pancakes… I was just thinking… Like… it was an accident and no one got hurt… Plus it would be bad to waste all the food…" Shinji looked back to see that the picnic bench where Gohei had placed her pancakes had collapsed under the sheer weight and number of them.

"Shinji, your kindness is your greatest strength and your biggest weakness. You'll find that people will take advantage of that. Some time intentionally and some times unintentionally. But in this case… SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST STUPID!!!" Gohei turned away from Shinji and raised her fan high up into the air with a renewed vigour to obliterate. He knew that if this blow was to land there were going to be fatalities so he quickly jumped in front of his grandmother.

"Wait! Didn't you say that we were going to visit your island?!" Shinji quickly spoke waving his arms frantically in front of him. "Shouldn't we be making a move?! We don't want to leave it too late!"

The bloodlust quickly disappeared from Gohei and she smiled again. The older woman lowered her fan which caused Shinji to breathe a sigh of relief. But the moment of peace was short lived when he was tackled from behind.

"Shinji! You're our hero!" Kyoko and Naoko said in unison as they flung their bodies on top of the poor boy. He was instantly suffocated by both well endowed women. Their hands were still tied behind their backs so they used their breasts instead to thank him.

"YOU DESPERATE OLD HAGS!!! GET OFF MY BABY BOY! Huh?!" Yui was ready to attack her friends after they had thrown themselves on top of Shinji but she quickly noticed that he was her little baby any more and now back to his normal size and stature.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY SHINJI?!!!" the mother snarled to the grandmother.

"Just cleaning up after you like always. I'll tell you; a grandmother's job is never done." Gohei replied with from behind her opened fan which hid the massive grin she was wearing. Knowing that her only daughter was pissed off was enough to satisfy her for now.

"YOU DIE NOW!!"

Yui tried her best to inflict some hurt on her mother, but it was never going to happen. While all this was happening Asuka had stayed back and watched. She normally would have jumped in when Shinji was getting a face full of her mother's chest but she didn't.

'I thought Shinji said that he didn't remember anything what Gohei said yesterday?'

YOKOSUKA NAVAL BASE

"Yo, Shinji!" This friend Touji slapped not too subtly cross his back. "Thanks for inviting us on this trip!"

"It's no problem. Gran said I could invite some friends but are you sure that it's okay with your parents and what about school?" Shinji replied after almost getting knocked off his feet by his friend.

"Dude! A tropical island! Do you know what that mean?! Misato on a tropical island!" Various saucy imagines of the buxom woman posing in a scant swimsuit on a beach began to flash through Touji's mind. There was no point trying to have a conversation with him now.

"It was strange the headmaster said it was all fine. He was sweating a lot and looked really sick. May be he was coming down with something," Mana wondered while walking beside Shinji.

"Hohoho!" Suddenly Gohei appeared next to the pair. She startled Mana and she instinctively grabbed onto Shinji's arm.

"Headmaster Saito is a good man. You are very lucky to have him as your principal." Shinji and Mana both cast a suspicious eye at the older woman and her thought's of the principle. She then quickly changed the subject.

"Well, well, don't the two of you make a cute couple? Let me get a picture!" Gohei pulled out a camera from the inside of her kimono sleeve and pointed it directly at them. Mana played along and wrapped both her arms around Shinji's waist then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. The flash of the camera went off and just like that Shinji hadn't realised what had happen.

"No fair! My turn!!!"

Out of nowhere, Misato tackled Shinji and began trying to rip his clothes off.

"Stay still Shin-chan! Didn't you know that posing nude is considered art?" the Katsuragi woman continued to wrestle with Shinji's belt buckle as he was doing his best to stay clothed.

WHACK

"You whore!" Asuka was next to show up.

She delivered a stiff swing of an oar from a row boat to the back of Misato's head. I was delivered with so much force that it had snapped in two but all it did was anger Misato. Her thick skull and brain pattern were fixed on posing nude with Shinji. There was no way something like that was going to stop her.

"Excuse me Shinji. I'll be just a moment." Misato patted her favourite male with a sweet smile and blood pouring from her head. She turned towards Asuka and produced an anchor from no where then proceeded to swing it around like a like a medieval mace. Shinji was still on the ground and noticed that Mana was right in the cross fire. He ignored his strong desire for self preservation to quickly but gently kicked Mana out of the way.

"Please stop!" Hikari pleaded to them but it was no use. She turned to Touji but he was still daydreaming about Misato in her swimsuit. "You're no help! Where's Kensuke?!"

"You are so beautiful! Yes you are!" Kensuke sang out loud

She looked around and found the other boy straddling live torpedo. He was humping the projectile like a dog in heat. From the goofy grin on his face you could tell he was having the time of his life.

"Just leave them be. Shinji will take care of them," Gohei told the class representative who had caught Mana after Shinji pushed her away.

"Aren't you lucky? It looks like my grandson must care a lot about you to do that?" the grandmother told the Kirashima girl. The comments caused Mana to blush and look away.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BLUSHING AT?!" Asuka snarled at her class mate while still trying to stab Misato with the broken end of the oar. It was amazing that she could speak at all. Misato had wrapped the chain from her anchor around Asuka's neck and was strangling with all the strength she could muster.

"That's it Shin-chan! You hold the other end!" Misato encouraged her partner to support the anchor while she dealt with the evil and meddling Asuka. But the weight was crushing his body and turning his organs into mush.

"Shinji!" Seeing the lad turn struggle under the weight, Mana jumped straight back into the fight making it a four-way battle royale.

Gohei sighed and placed her camera back into the sleeve of her kimono. It wasn't one of the family moments she wanted to capture on their trip. She turned around to see where everyone else was.

"Sniff… my baby boy… sniff… sniff…" Yui hadn't stopped crying since finding out that Shinji wasn't chibi-fied any more. The mother was suffering severe withdrawal but at least she wasn't tearing a hole in the fabric of time and space. She was accompanied by Kyoko and Naoko. The pair gossiped as usual. Their discussion quickly turned into a bet as they debated if Shinji was a swimming brief or trunks man.

"The dead weight is over there. I wonder where Rei is?" Gohei was curious at the whereabouts of her grand daughter. The quiet girl normally would have shown herself to rescue her dear brother from the demonic red head and the older drunkard.

Rei's absence was because she was on the other side of the Yokosuka Naval Base dealing with some of her own matters.

"You disagree with my plan." The young Ikari girl asked without showing any emotions. She didn't even bat an eyelid and kept her poker face. She was getting irritated but didn't show it once.

"No! No! Rei-chan! There's nothing wrong with your plan but may be we could discuss it first." Kaworu Nagisa said rather quickly, trying not to upset the object of his affections.

"Like what if I just sneak on board your ship when everyone has gotten on?" The boy suggested with his hands in a pray position.

"I'm unaware of the vessel we will be travelling on and to be frank…" There was a pause before Rei continued saying. "Your infiltration abilities are yet to be proved in a real combat scenario."

"Huh? Infiltration what?" he asked but didn't wait for an answer and continued to keep his argument alive. "I don't know what you just said but why do I have to be naked and stuffed into a chest?"

Kaworu was stark naked standing inside a traditional ishodansu chest. He had his hands over his nether regions but the cool sea breeze was having a shrinking influence on his manhood. It wasn't the best way to impress a girl. The dimensions of the chest were no bigger than a large ice box. There was no way he was going to squeeze into that confined space.

"The temperature once inside the tansu will quickly rise. You will definitely perspire and there's a good chance that you could die from dehydration." Rei explained as she picked up a crow bar that was lying by her feet.

"Dehydration?! I'm more worried about suffocation!" Kaworu was definitively having second thoughts at this point with the young girl advancing on him with crow in hand.

"We must hurry or my brother will become suspicious." She said and raised the lead implement high into the air. The normally proud and tough teenage boy let out a high pitch scream like a teenage girl.

"Was I wrong to invite you along this trip? Perhaps I have misjudged you, Kaworu Nagisa." Rei asked herself and lowered the crow bar. This caused the cowering boy to stop shrieking.

"Oh thank go-" He still had tears running down his cheeks as he spoke but couldn't finish his sentence.

WHACK

THUD

SLAM

LOCK

"Not bad… Mother's wooden spoon would have been more effective at delivering a concussive blow," she commented on the crow bar's effectiveness before tossing it aside.

Rei had fooled him into a false sense of security to make him stop screaming and deliver the knock out blow. She had the final piece of her luggage prepared and was ready to rejoin the group. The girl picked up one end of the ishodansu by the hand and began dragging it towards the water.

"Oh Rei!" She didn't have to get far and turned around to see her grandmother calling out to her. They were quite a distance away but her keen eye sight spotted something which raised alarm bells. Next to Gohei was Shinji surrounded by his friends and Misato. The boy was holding an ice pack to the side of his cheek.

"Brother!" A great sense of dread and fear began to fill her. She sprinted towards the group leaving a tread marks and a plume of dust behind her. The chest she was holding onto felt like a runner's baton now. It bounced around viciously behind her leaving groove marks all over the harbour.

"What is that?" Kensuke took a time out from making love to his weapon of mass destruction to squint down the wharf. He had no idea that it was Rei charging up at them a million miles an hour. He also didn't see Rei swing the chest while still running making it a deadly projectile.

"I see that she has finished packing." Gohei remarked then stepped aside to avoid the chest that flying towards them. She opened her fan to shield her delicate face from the gush of wind.

"What the-" Kensuke's brain had no time as he and Touji were t-boned by the chest.

The sound of the impact of chest hitting human flesh was sickening. All they could do was wish it killed them instantly.

"Brother! What happen? Who did this to you?" Rei asked hastily while checking Shinji's injury.

"Where the hell have you been wonder girl?!" Asuka demanded. She wasn't showing any visible injuries from her encounter with Misato earlier on. It annoyed her to no end when Rei would show up out of no where and put on the protective sister act.

"Sohryu…" Rei said while resisting the urge to grind her teeth.

It wasn't coincidence that whenever Shinji ended up getting injured, the young red head was always around.

"Now, now. This was just a misunderstanding." Shinji quickly diffused another possible flare up. "Why don't we hurry up and find our boat."

"I couldn't agree more but we won't be travelling on a boat." Gohei told the group which was the signal for a submarine to blow is ballast tanks and surface. When the tanks blew it make a massive hiss and mist sprayed into the air. The submergible vessel was jet black and had a behemoth's presence in the water.

"OH MY GOD!" Kensuke had quickly recovered from his head on collision with the ishodansu and rushed right up to the edge to catch a glimpse of the war machine. "That's the brand new Type 212A class. The Italian government are first to have two on order. These are state of the art. They have hybrid hydrogen storage tanks! How come it's here?!"

"I really hope that finished remodelling my captain quarters…" Gohei mused, nonchalant behind her opened fan.

"A submarine?" Shinji scratched his head. He knew that his grandmother would do something extravagant but he was more concerned about getting every one on board and in the confined space. There would be no where to hide and he hadn't even thought about the fire arms and submarine's armaments. It was a recipe for disaster.

"Don't worry my Shinji!" Gohei patted her grandson on the head. "We are just using this to get to the main fleet then we'll be on our way."

"Oh in that case… MAIN FLEET?!" suddenly mild headache he had was quickly turning into the migraine from hell.

"Yeah! Don't worry Shin-chan." From behind Misato wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head between her breasts.

"I'll be more than happy to look after my Shin-chan's 'sea-men'" She said licking her lips seductively. The lad's migraine was replaced with a giant rush of blood.

"You slut! You never learn!" Asuka was about to jump up and plant her foot into the middle of Misato's face but someone interrupted her.

"EH!!! What happen to my baby's beautiful face?! Who did this to you?!" Yui had only now noticed her son's minor injuries and immediately made a massive deal of it. Everyone especially Gohei just sighed at the mother's actions. She freed Shinji from Misato's booby hold and checked him for injuries like Rei did before.

While Shinji was the focus of everyone's attention again, sailor's climbed out of the submarine's hatch and began preparations for the Ikari clan and friends to board.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES HEADQUARTERS

"Are you sure you should be moving?" Kouzou Fuyutsuki asked his CEO, Gendo Ikari. The pair travelled down one of the hallway towards Gendo's office. Fuyutsuki walked, Gendo hobbled along with the assistance of a walking crutch in his left arm.

"Never better." He replied a little out of breath. His vision was blurred and he had troubles maintaining his balance. It was obvious that the man had discharged himself far too early and ignored medical advice.

"The fact that Gohei had taken everyone on holidays means I can rebuild my empire unhindered. I mustn't waste any time."

NERV's reputation had taken a severe battering in recent months due to the certain actions of particular individuals in his family. The man had become a laughing stock in business and political circles. There was no way he was going to let things continue that way.

"I should warn you…" Kouzou began speaking as they neared the door to Gendo's office but his warning fell on deaf ears. Gendo was muttering to himself how he was going to restore NERV and his reputation. The almost crippled man opened the door to his office and he was met with an avalanche of paper. It swamped him like a tidal wave washing off his and carrying him all the way back down the corridor. The man struggled to keep his head above the wall of paper consuming him. He was on the verge of asphyxiation when the force carrying him away began to subside. Gendo eventually came to rest on his back. He was dying a slow and a painful death from the thousands of paper cuts that covered his body.

"I'm so sick of ceilings…" Gendo murmured to himself as he started up at the blank ceiling. Recently he had seen his fair share of them. His eyelids began to get heavy and staying conscious was now difficulty. A shadow cast over him and brought his attention about.

"There you are." Kaji said looking down at him and handed over a hand written note which Gendo started reading aloud.

"_I have taken the kids on a little holiday and left some paper work for you in our office. I know I can trust you to fix everything up since you are my favourite son-in-law._

_Gohei Ikari…"_

By the time Gendo had finished reading Gohei's notes it was in two pieces. His mother in law had dumped him with the responsibility of cleaning up all the mess that had happened recently.

"I'm the only son in law she has!" He leapt to his feet and punched a sizable hole in the nearest wall. The rage and anger was fuelling his body and he was far from dying now.

ON BOARD IKARI NAVAL SUBMARINE – MURASAME MARK 3

"Shin-chan! Shin-chan!" Misato called out to her favourite little guy as she ran through the submarine. In one hand she held a tiny little sailor outfit and the other a bottle of baby oil. She was intent on following through with her promise of looking after Shin-chan's 'sea-men'

"Have you found him Misato?" Yui asked her adopted daughter. The mother was also on the lookout for Shinji. She carried around a large first aid kit and a portable defibrillator. Worried that something bad might happen to her baby boy again she wanted to be prepared this time

"Sniff. Sniff" Misato stuck her nose into the air like a bloodhound trying to pick up the scent of the trail. The recycled air of the submarine was hampering her efforts.

"Anything?" Yui asked her half anxiously. Her own sixth sense for Shinji which behaved liked sonar was also having troubles inside the submarine.

"I think… that way!" Misato thought for a moment and then pointed back down the corridor from which they came.

"Are you sure?" Yui didn't get an answer as the younger woman had already set off on her search again.

"Wait for me Shin-chan!" Misato cried out with renew vigour. Yui sighed and reluctantly followed. Meanwhile, Gohei was currently on the bridge where the captain should be.

"Now Kensuke, Touji… It's very similar to driving a car." The grandmother spoke to the school boys as they both sat in the twin driver seats.

"But we are too young have a driver's license," Touji replied. His friend and co pilot was too excited and had both hands on his steering wheel. Strange sound effects were coming from Kensuke's mouth as he wildly turned the wheel back and forth.

"I see Kensuke has done this before. Just watch him." She gave a reassuring pat on the boy's shoulder and left them to their duties.

"Gohei-sama." A sailor in an unrecognisable naval uniform approached and saluted. "All passengers and cargo are on board. We may leave any time. Might I suggest that we do so immediately? Our fleet could be detected at any time."

"You may leave." She didn't care much for her subordinate's concern and waved him away. He left the bridge without a word of complaint.

"Did you hear that boys? You can get us moving now." She gave the order to leave port in a casual manner.

"Now where are Naoko and Kyoko?" She looked around the bridge and the two women happen to enter. Naoko's face was smeared with grease and oil. Kyoko had kept herself clean and proper like a lady should but was fretting about a tiny smudge mark on her blouse.

"Naoko… you better not be tinkering with my vessel." The grandmother asked woman with greased face even though the answer could be plainly seen by everyone.

"Oh! Oh! Can we shoot a torpedo?! I've already loaded it into the tube." Naoko said a little too excitedly and raced over to the weapon control panel. She began pressing random buttons not knowing what would happen.

"That's the last I help you load one of those things manually." Kyoko found the nearest chair and slumped her exhausted body down.

"I thought you liked big bangs?" Naoko asked innocently taking a break from bashing the control panel.

"Not those sort of bangs. You have no idea what I'm talking about do you? This submarine is full of young strapping men. You know what I mean with a big bang? You see what I'm getting at?" Kyoko sighed as the chance of meeting a nice young sailor for a romantic romp was disappearing fast.

"Big bang… Oh I get it! We should talk to the weapon engineers so we can maximise the efficiency of the explosive! That's a great idea!" Naoko had once again misinterpreted her friend and another argument ensued.

Dealing with those two was a waste of time so Gohei cast her eye around the bridge in search of her executive officer.

"Now where did he go?" She didn't need to wait long for an answer as the executive officer waltzed clumsily into the bridge from the other side.

"Waaark…" Pen-pen slurred with a half empty bottle of whisky in one flipper. He tripped over the ledge of the hatch which caused him to tumble and roll right up to Gohei's feet.

"Wark!" 'Heeey baaaby… Looking good! Hicup!' The intoxicated penguin greeted his captain.

"I said just a little shot to calm your nerves. I didn't mean to whole bottle!" Gohei bent over and picked him up. She placed him on the nearest counter but he fell over straight away. The almost empty bottle of whisky in one flipper was enough to topple him over.

"Wark!" 'Don't worry! I didn't spill a drop!' He reassured everyone and downed the rest of the whisky bottle.

"You see Pen-pen is a little claustrophobic, so he needs a little drink to relax. Hahaha…" Gohei explained to Touji and Kensuke in a vain attempt to save herself from embarrassment but it was not working.

"WARK!" 'Hey! You said there would be blackjack and strippers on this cruise! In fact! Hicup! You can shove your blackjack! Just give me the strippers! Woah!' Half through his drunken spiel, the bird lost his footing and fell off the counter. He landed with a great splat on the metal floor.

"Wark!" 'It's alright! I'm fine everyone!' he reassured everyone from the ground.

"It's sad to say that you were the most suited to be the executive officer." Gohei sighed in defeat and slump her shoulders. But she wasn't the only Ikari on the submarine having a difficult time.

"Hurry up baka!" Asuka told Shinji as she practically dragged him around the submarine away from the search party. Mana and his sister Rei had decided to join the search with Yui, Misato and half the submarine's crew had been roped in.

The pair eventually ended up in the submarine's galley. But this was a fatal mistake. There was only one way into the galley and Asuka could hear the sounds of someone heading in their direction. In a rash decision she pulled Shinji into the kitchen and shoved him into the cool room. She quickly closed the door to the walk in refrigerator sending both of them into a world of pitch darkness.

"Asuka…" Shinji tried to protest but he was quickly hushed by the girl.

The young red head listened intently for any movement in the kitchen. Being so dark Shinji had no idea how small of a confided space they were in. He stepped back and hit a shelf, instinctively he lurched forward but this caused him to press up against the girl in front of him.

"Baka!" Asuka whispered. She grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her waist so to stop him from moving.

Their intimate position made Shinji nervous, but the redhead was showing more concern for being discovered.

'Was her waist always this small?' he wondered as he tried to control his teenage body from reacting as nature intended when in such close proximity with the opposite sex. But he was surprised that his whole arm almost reached the whole way around.

"We should be safe here for a while. I think they have left," Asuka said as she couldn't here any movement coming from outside the cool room.

"You… You can let me go now… if... if you want…" She told him with a blush across her features. It was lucky for her that darkness hid it from Shinji. The boy didn't even realize that she wasn't telling him to release her but his first instinct was to obey as some form of punishment would follow soon after.

He quickly whipped his arm away and consequently banged his elbow against something. The impact was directly on his funny bone and his arm went instantly numb.

"Ah! Damn it!" he cursed which caught Asuka off guard. She wasn't accustomed to seeing Shinji upset in any form. The girl reached around the sides of the door for a light switch. She found it in no time at all and pitch blackness was made way for a stale, almost yellow light.

It was only now that Asuka realized how small of a space they had to move. The cool room was no larger than a small broom closet. The next thing she realized was how close Shinji was and the warmth from his body was immediate against the cold air from the refrigerator. She quickly composed herself as to not lose face.

"Show me your arm you big baby." She turned around and half-scolded him.

"It's fine. It's just numb." Shinji flicked his hand around to try and get some feeling back into his limb. While he was doing this an awkward silence feel between the two teenagers but it was only noticed by Asuka.

'Damn it! It doesn't bother him that we're this close!' she thought while looking away from his face.

"So how long are we going to be in here?" Shinji asked casually while his arm was slowly coming back around. Asuka was almost angry at him for not noticing the situation they were in but she managed to hold herself back a little.

"That depends on if you can stop flirting with Misato and Mana." She told him in a half annoyed huff.

"Huh? What does that mean?" He asked.

"You're a lot dumber than you look!" Asuka spun away so her back was to him again. But much of her anger wasn't aimed at Shinji but herself. She was angry and frustrated but was scared to express what she felt in heart.

"Huh?" suddenly Asuka felt something drape cross her shoulders. She turned her head to see that Shinji had taken off his jacket and placed on her so she won't get cold.

"You'll get sick if you're not careful." Shinji said with a smile. She couldn't help but smile at the boy's gesture and turned to face again. The girl took one smell of him from his jacket and her anger was quickly washed away.

"What? What are you doing?" Shinji said in almost a panic as Asuka pulled him into a hug.

"Baka." She told him softy while resting her head on his shoulder. "You'll get sick as well."

It wasn't quite a thank you but it was the closest thing Shinji would get from the girl. He allowed her to lean against him and wrapped her arms around her.

"You know this morning…" She started again while almost falling asleep while in his arms. "I wanted to ask you some thing."

"Oh?"

"I heard Gohei ask if you wanted to leave Japan." Her words had enough weight to stop time for the pair. Shinji had thought no one else had known beside himself and his grandmother. The boy decided to play ignorant while he made a decision but it wasn't going to happen.

"I wanna know… Are you going to leave Japan?" She had already opened the flood gates and there was no turning back now. "Are you going to leaving me?"

Asuka's words hit Shinji harder than any of her slaps, punches or kicks. Even compared to a swing from his mother's wooden spoon there was no contest. He was literally lost for words. But in his defense, he had only been asked less than twelve hours ago. His first answer to her was the truth which was that he still had not decided. But the boy knew that Asuka wasn't going to accept a flimsy response like that.

"I knew it! You are leaving!" Shinji made the mistake of taking to long to say anything and this lead Asuka to think the worst. She pushed him away and he fell back against the shelf of food items.

"You're a baka! I hate you!" she cried at him and thumped his chest with her closed fist. She didn't hit him with her usually strength but this hurt Shinji more on an emotional level than physical.

"Asuka! Calm down!" He tried to grab her hands but it was no use.

"You are going to leave me like my father!" She had relieved her fear to him just at the moment where the whole submarine shook violently. Various food items fell off the shelves and rained down on them. Shinji lost his footing and fell backwards onto the floor with Asuka landing on top of him. The girl instinctively let out a scream and her punches changed to a tight grip around Shinji. The boy moved one arm over her head to shield her from the falling objects. This left himself exposed to receive a few hits which dazed him a bit. The violent shaking continued for a few more minutes. The light inside flickered on and off as a sign that the submarine was experiencing power issues.

Eventually everything calmed down and things stopped raining down on the lying pair. The light continued to flick on and off which didn't help the dazed Shinji one bit.

"Shinji?" Asuka called him by his first name as she realized that he had placed her safety before his during the ordeal. She looked up at him with the eyes that were crying just moments ago.

"You're bleeding!?" A small trickle of blood from his hairline flowed.

"God… Are you alright?" he asked still a little stunned. Shinji then touched the spot on his head where the pain was coming from.

"Ouch!" he looked at his own blood on his fingers. Asuka quickly used the sleeve of his jacket to apply pressure.

"Why do you do that?!" she asked half annoyed again when she realized that the wound was only superficial and nothing serious. "Why do you always do these things that make me feel that way I do about you?! Why do these things and decide that you are going to leave?! It's not fair! NOT FAIR!"

"Just how much did you hear?" Instead of answering her Shinji replied with his own question which served as a minor deflection from the subject.

"…Enough…" Asuka said after calming down again.

"Well to tell you the truth-" Just as the boy was about to answer the door to the cool room suddenly swung open and a gush warm air rush in.

"Asuka?! Huh? And Shinji?!" Hikari stood at the doorway. She had joined the search for the pair and was passing by the galley when her ears picked up Asuka's shouting from inside the cool room.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" Believing that she had interrupted the pair while in a compromising position, Hikari quickly apologized and turned around.

"God job Hikari!" the class representative was rewarded with a giant shove out of the way by Misato. The young girl's body flew out of the picture and caused a tremendous crash of pots and pans.

"Don't worry Shin-chan I'm-" the purpled hair buxom beauty stopped mid sentence when her eyes caught sight of the way her Shin-chan was being taken advantage of. Her hand holding the bottle of baby oil instantly closed causing top to explode off in an almost volcanic reaction.

"BA…KA…ASU…-" before Misato could finish her screeching she was belted out of the way by a swinging portable defibrillator to the side of her head. It was Misato's turn to exit the stage. The sound of her skull impacting with the submarine's hull reverberated through out.

"Mummy is here Shinji!" Yui said with tears or joy running down her face. A great weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she couldn't contain her joy. She went to give her son a giant bear hug and noticed the small amount of blood coming from the top of his head.

"AHHH!" The mother screamed in a panic and grabbed the paddle of the defibrillator. "Charging two hundred! Mummy won't let you die Shinji!"

"You crazy bitch! Get away from me!" Asuka scream back while trying to kick Yui away with her feet.

"WAIT! MUM! I'M ALRIGHT!" he shouted frantically so he wouldn't be zapped by his mother.

"Awww! My baby boy has become so strong!" Yui tossed the paddles carelessly behind her and right onto Misato's face. The electric jolt was enough to bounce her body again off the hull of the submarine.

"Serves you right!" Asuka stuck her tongue out her the half dead woman as she helped Hikari to her feet. Just for good measure the redhead laid in a few stiff kicks.

"So were you and Asuka making me some grandbabies?!" The hopefully woman asked her son. But before he could think up any kind of response, his mother continued. "Oh yeah, we are about to surface. It looks like the main fleet has joined us."

SOMEWHERE OVER THE SEA OF JAPAN

"Ah… Sempai…" Maya ask nervously from the co pilot's seat of the VTOL she was co piloting.

"How many times have I told you? Its better not to ask," Ritsuko answered her lab assistant from the pilot seat. "Just monitor how much fuel we have. I really don't want to be stuck in the middle of no where in a life raft with these idiots."

The blonde continued to steer the VTOL on its current path.

"Yes ma'am…" The young woman sighed. She was coming to the slow realisation that they were breaking numerous national and international laws. Career suicide seemed inevitable.

"Oh… Come Ritsu-chan," Kaji's smooth voice was followed by a gentle touch on her shoulder. He had overheard the women talking and poked his head through from the cabin. "I think it's kinda romantic being all alone in a raft in the middle of nowhere. We're under the beautiful night sky. We huddle to keep each other warm."

As Kaji continued to set the scene for his two female pilots, he didn't see Ritsuko reach down and grab the fire extinguisher.

"Oh don't worry Maya-chan, there's plenty of Kaji to go around for everyone." The young lab assistant was already red as a tomato and looked about to explode if her Sempai didn't intervene.

WHACK

The butt of the fire extinguisher made contact with Kaji's face and sent him back into the cabin.

"Stop fooling around Kaji!" Gendo order his subordinate. The CEO didn't seem to care that Kaji's face was a bloody mess. "Useless!"

Giving up on the pony tailed hair man Gendo resumed searching out the window with his binoculars.

"Useless could also be used to explain what you are trying to do," Fuyutsuki spoke up from behind his newspaper.

"You always showed little faith in me, Sensei, but this time I'll prove to everyone that there are wrong," Gendo replied to his senior while still scanning the waters below them for any sign of his wife and the others.

"I have no idea what you are trying to prove but go ahead and knock yourself out," the older man replied nonchalantly.

"Fuyutsuki-sensei!" Maya heard the comment from the man and was astonished by the disregard he was showing in the situation.

"Hey, I still get paid no matter what I do for NERV. I'm just waiting a couple more years until my benefits build up so I can retire," he spoke again then turned the page.

"Kouzou is right Maya," Ritsuko endorsed Fuyutsuki's actions. "You have to look after your self. I've been selling our secrets to the Chinese. Now I have someone on the inside at the Chinese Embassy…"

"SEMPAI!" The young woman couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"You have?! Damn it…" Fuyutsuki's head popped into the cockpit. International espionage was enough for him to put down his newspaper. He didn't hide his disappointment on missing out on some of the action.

DECK OF MURASAME MARK 3

Shinji couldn't believe the sight after they had surface. Everyone had joined them on the deck of Gohei's submarine. Misato was still feeling a little dazed and utilising her condition to lean all over the young boy. This made it difficult for Rei to do her job.

"Please wear this brother and you must watch your footing it is very slippery." Rei had taken charge of handing out the life jackets and was double checking that Shinji's was properly fitted.

"Mmmm… Shin-chan so comfy…" Misato nestled her head on his shoulder and began dreaming. Usually such contact would unsettle Shinji but he was more focused on the vast number of battleships that were before him. An insurmountable number of vessels covered the horizon.

"So which one you want to ride Shinji? The super carrier, aircraft carrier, dreadnought, battleship, helicopter carrier, battler cruiser, pocket battleship, cruiser, destroyer, frigate or corvette." She asked without skipping a beat.

"EH?" Shinji could only make funny sounds.

"I can have my cruise liner arrive in three hours if you don't like these." Gohei asked worried that she had upset her only grandson.

"Yo, Ken! Are you alright?" Touji tapped his friend on the shoulder but didn't get a response. The sight of the Gohei's Imperial First Fleet was too much for the military otaku to handle.

"I'll be right back!!!" He ran back into the submarine in search for the nearest bathroom.

"I suggest that we travel the corvette class vessel. The corvette class is the fastest and most manoeuvrable. In the event that we are attacked, my brother's safety is foremost. The reminder of the fleet will act as the decoy to allow us to escape." Rei put forward for tactical suggestion.

"That my baby Rei! She's so smart!" Proud of her daughter Yui hugged her from behind.

"Awww! But I wanted to ride that super carrier! If anything gets in our way we'll just run them over! Or we can send out the fighter jets and just bomb the crap out of them!" Naoko thought biggest was best and the overwhelming fire power was too go to pass up.

"I don't care what we go in as long as it has a deck and I can work on my tan." They hadn't been in the submarine for more than half a day and Kyoko was worried about her magazine cover perfect complexion.

"Plus I can get Shinji to oil me up right?" She gave a playful wink to the boy.

"A tan does sound nice. You can help me with my back, Shinji!" Mana excitedly jumped and wrapped her arms around Shinji.

"No… Shin-chan oil Misa-chan only…" Misato mumbled half asleep while still slumped over his back.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!" Asuka had taken as much as she could tolerate. "IF HE'S GOING TO OIL ANYONE UP IT'S GOING TO BE ME!!!"

What followed Asuka's outburst was absolute silence. It was as if time has stood still. The sea's breeze stopped blowing and the water stopped lapping the side of the Murasame.

"Oho?!" Gohei, Yui, Kyoko and Naoko surrounded the young girl. All of them with a mischievous grin from ear to ear. It was rare for the female firebrand to let slip her true feelings for Shinji. Therefore the so called adult didn't waste the opportunity. Asuka did her best to defend herself from the four sided barrage of taunts and teases but it was a losing battle.

"Sniff, sniff…" The sea breeze carried something with it and caught Misato's radar. It was enough to cause her to leave the comfort of Shinji's back and investigate.

"Misato?" He asked the woman as she walked to the edge of the platform deck.

"It can't be." She murmured and sniffed the wind again but there was no denying it.

"That's Baka Kaji cheap ass cologne." She pointed upwards towards the sky to a formation of clouds. Just as she had finished speaking a VTOL broke through vapours.

"BAKA GENDO!!!" Yui's eyes instantly flared up. She had been too preoccupied with teasing Asuka that she had failed to detect her husband approaching.

"I have to hand it to that man… He is persistent." Gohei said looking through a set of binoculars to confirm her self that it wasn't another aircraft.

(AH-HA!!!) Gendou's amplified voice came out of the aircraft's external speakers. (You all thought you could get away from me! But you were wrong! No one ever gets the better of GENDO IKARI!!! HAHAHA!!!)

"Dude, I think your dad has really lost the plot." Touji whispered to his friend.

(Maya! Try to get the microphone off him!) Ritsuko's voice next came over the speakers and was followed by the sounds of an argument.

"Oh Ritsu-chan! I knew I forgot to invite someone!" Naoko snapped her fingers as the annoying lingering thought of something on her mind was finally solved.

"You forgot your own daughter?" Kyoko asked half surprised, "Wait! Don't answer that."

"Lady Ikari," A random sailor climbed out of the Murasame with a message, "We have received a request for the aircraft to land on The Yamashiro. They claim that they low on fuel."

Before she could answer someone forcibly grabbed the poor messenger.

"Look here! I want fighters up there to intercept and activate all anti aircraft measures! You all have permission to fire at will! That thing is a threat to my children's safety! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" Yui head butted the sailor and got right in his face.

(Gez… did you fart old man?) Kaji voice sounded out of the VTOL's speakers

(I wasn't the one that had the cabbage rolls for lunch before we left.) the old man replied.

(Yeah! That was Ritusko-chan!)

(How dare you?!) Ritsuko's voice was followed by some erratic and acrobatic manoeuvres by the VTOL.

"I must apologize for my daughter." Naoko offered a deep bow to everyone. "You see when she gets nervous; she tends to get a bit of gas. Please forgive her insolence."

(HEY! I can see you apologising from here! What the hell did you say about me?!) After bringing the VTOL back under control Ritsuko knew that her mother was saying something at her expense.

"I CAN STILL SEE THAT THING IN THE SKY!!! I GAVE A DIRECT ORDER! SO WHY IS IT STILL THERE?!" Yui snarled again at the sailor who reminded calm and composed.

"Good thing I have the weapons system master key. Right… huh?" Gohei reached inside her kimono sleeve for the item but it wasn't there.

"Wark!" everyone looked at the front of the submarine where the squawk came from. Pen-pen was standing on one flipper while balancing the weapon system master key on the tip of his beak.

"Pen-pen! Give that key to mummy right now!" Yui raced off to retrieve the key but her strength cause the ship to rock to one side.

"Wark!" 'Damn it… I was starting to get really good at that!' Pen-pen cursed as he shift in the Murasame's axis caused him to loose balance and the key fell over board.

"Get… it…" The family pet turned around to see his human mother standing before her. Her eyes burned with fury and she radiated a red dangerous aura.

"Wark!" 'Screw you lady! You can swim, can't you?!' He was already snappy. The alcohol was slowly wearing off and the onset of a hang over was kicking.

WHACK

His brave but foolish remarks earn him a swift whack from a wooden spoon.

"Don't talk back to me! I'm your mother!"

"WARK!" 'FAT COW! THAT HURT!' The bird clutched the top of his head where he had been hit. Yui brought her hand back up again and the penguin quickly changed his tone.

"Wark!" 'Woah! Alright! I'll tell you what, I happen to know a little secret about Shinji. Something that Gohei doesn't want anyone to know' he had to think fast so blabbed out the first thing that came to his mind.

"Huh? What secret?" Yui rage quickly disappeared along with the red hue. Pen-pen's ploy had work for one Ikari but managed to upset another.

"I don't know what you were going to say but I believe your check up with the vet is long over due." Gohei spoke in a manner which was more a threat. She produced a sausage and sliced the end off with a butcher's cleaver. She had a feeling that the bird had somehow found out.

"Hey Shinji, can you understand what they are saying? And where did you grandmother get that sausage and knife from?" Mana asked. She had been around the boy for a while now but still found his family's antics strange.

"Wark!" 'Oh Jesus! Not my wedding tackle!' He instantly grabbed his crotch with his flippers and winced.

"Please tell me Pen-pen… And mummy promises that she won't get upset…" Yui's murderous aura returned. He looked back at Gohei who swapped the sausage and cleaver for some walnuts and a mallet. She proceeded to smash each one with no intent of saving the actual nut inside the tough shell.

The penguin's eyes switched back between the two women. Each time they upped their subtle threats. It was only a matter of time before he caved in. Before that happened Shinji approached his mother from behind in an attempt to try and calm her down.

"WOAH!" he exclaimed as he lost his footing and slipped backwards. The reinforced hull of the Murasame had begun to melt and weaken around Yui from her aura. He lost his footing and fell into the ocean with a big splash.

"SHINJI!" Everyone's focus change to the welfare of the boy and rushed to the side of the vessel. Asuka, Mana and Rei didn't hesitate for a second and dove off into the water to save him.

"Man overboard!" Gohei ordered the sailor who had stayed to watch the family comedy show. He quickly retrieved a floatation device attached to a guide rope.

"Wark…" 'Whew… man… its not easy knowing that Gohei was planning to take Shinji away from Japan…' He wiped the sweat from his brow but realised that just shot himself in the foot.

"Shin-ji-lea-ving…" Yui's eyes dilated from the shock of the revelation. Her words raised everyone's curiosity and Gohei just slapped her forehead in frustration. Pen-Pen knew better than to stick around. It was still a fair distance from the submarine to the main fleet but he had to risk it. He jumped in and swam as fast as he could. The little aquatic bird was slicing through the water but it wasn't enough to save him from the falling VTOL that had just ran out of fuel and was making a emergency splash down.

"Wark…" 'I'm really starting to get tired of this shit…' The bird looked up at the plummeting VTOL heading his way.

SPLASH

END OF CHAPTER

PRE READER LORD RAA NOTES  
I'd apologise for taking so long, but I'm not sorry in the slightest. You'll get over it: I have.

AUTHOR NOTES  
Apologies from me as well for the delay, it was mostly due to Lord Raa but I also worked on an entry for WAFFathon which I have posted on as well. I wanted to upload this chap with the "special OAV" as a double post but things got delayed. Better late then never I guess…

Thanks for reading, Wonga316


	25. Chapter 24

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 24

BY WONGA316

COPYRIGHT AND DISCLAIMER  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

CONTACT  
Email - wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au  
MSN - wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR / CATERING / STUNT DOUBLE  
TheWickerMan (Some say he pretends to be a chick in WoW to get free crap from guys, all we know he's called TheWickerMan)

PROOF READER / EXECUTIVE PRODUCER / TEA LADY  
Lord Raa (Some say his nipples itch when proof reads and his testicles shrink when he eats goats cheese, all we know he's called Lord Raa)

DATE POSTED  
20080921

AUTHOR'S NOTES  
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories. As a result some hardcore NGE fans will find that some characters are severely OOC but it is an AU without Angels and EVA…

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

"I think he's waking!" Mana voice was excited and relieved. The comfortable yet unfamiliar sensation of pure satin pyjamas against his skin caused Shinji to open his eyes.

He tried to move but was quickly stopped by Asuka, "What are you doing? You have to rest," She half berated him but was clearly concern for his welfare.

"Try to stay still," He heard his sister's voice and felt her finger's against his wrist measuring his pulse.

"Huh? Where the hell am I?" The blurriness from his vision cleared. He ignored the girl's advice to rest and sat up to check his surrounding.

Shinji found himself in a rich luxurious English styled bedroom. It was way bigger than his usually bedroom. Expensive and posh looking wallpaper with intricate designs covered the walls. Fancy curtains covered the windows preventing day light from intruding. A decorative and ornate chandelier hung from the centre of the roof. His bed was king size complete with four grand posts. Each post had elaborate and matching wood craving designs in the oak timber. The bed posts were framed by the classy curtains that were drawn back. Matching oak dresser and desk were also present in the room.

"Aren't you the lucky boy?" Another voice came from the door way. He looked around and found a familiar face, "Not many people have three personal nurses waiting on them. They all stayed by your side while you slept."

While Gohei Ikari entered the room, Shinji looked at the girls to see what his grandmother had said was true. Rei continued had finished taking his pulse and moved on to measuring his blood pressure. Mana smiled with a slight blush across her features and Asuka found the something on the opposite side of the room more interesting than making eye contact with him.

"Let have a look at you," She sat herself down on the bed and began inspecting him for herself. As she checked his body for any injuries, he slowly began to remember what had happen.

"THE SUBMARINE! IS EVERYONE ALRIGHT?!" he asked extremely concerned.

"Everyone is fine. You should know that it's practically impossible to kill them lot," the oldest Ikari answered and satisfied that nothing serious was wrong with Shinji.

"The laundry department should finish with your clothes by now," He nodded but thought her words were a bit strange. There wasn't much time to ponder too much as two maids entered the room. One of them carrying his clothes now clean and neatly pressed. The other maid was carrying his sneakers which looked brand new straight out of the box.

"Thank you girls," Gohei took the items and handed them to Shinji. The maids left not before giggling to themselves about something.

"I'll wait for you outside," She kissed him on his forehead and left him alone to get dressed. He half expected the other to follow his grandmother but that wasn't the case.

"You need any help dressing?" Mana asked hoping for a positive response but Asuka promptly dragged her away by the back of the shirt. Rei followed the after the girls without any fuss. Shinji was shocked at the ease they all left him alone to dress. It took a few moments to sink in. He eventually clothed himself and went outside.

"Where is everyone else?" was the first thing he asked them.

"They are busy making alterations to main stadium," She answered while leading him down the hallway towards some large doors which lead out to a small balcony.

"Alterations? Stadium?" It was the second time that something didn't make sense.

"It's easier to show you than explaining," Gohei flung the doors open and Shinji eye's temporarily were blinded by the brightness of the sun in the clear blue sky. When his sight adjusted he found himself overlooking the Ikari Imperial Island. Its vast green land stretched to the horizon only to be broken up by the protruding city towers and roads. The dome of a stadium stood out like a hump through the tree tops of the parks. A giant Ferris wheel could be seen in the distance, showing the location of the theme park. It was basically an entire population living in a completely self sufficient island environment.

"Welcome to the Ikari Imperial Island," Gohei laughed at her grandson's state of shock.

"Ikari Imperial Island?! What happen to the small holiday house in Okinawa?!" It was all too much for the young boy. He collapsed on his backside as one of Gohei's commercial planes flew overhead.

"We only told you that it was Okinawa. The beach house is actually on that side of the island," Gohei pointed towards the horizon. She then handed him a pair binoculars.

"You'll need these to see it." His jaw remained agape and didn't take the binoculars. Asuka took the binoculars instead and surveyed the island.

"You and Rei were young so did it really matter if you stayed here or on Okinawa? The both of you had fun that's the main thing," She patted him on the head.

"Hang on! What about all the shops, the water park and all the other stuff?!" Shinji vividly remembered their summer holidays consisting more than just staying at his grandmother's holiday home. They would take him and his sister into town to enjoy the sights and sound.

"The whole town is there as well. Actually the water park has just expanded. We have six more new slides now," she explained in a proud voice.

"Wow a water park! Will you take me there Shinji?!" Mana squealed with excitement.

"Aren't you the least bit surprised at all this?!" He asked almost begged Mana, hoping that there was someone around that shared his normalcy.

"AH?! Are you asking on a date?! I'm so embarrassed!" She pretended to be the shy school for just a few seconds, "You can pick me up at six. I'm staying in the third guest mansion. It's the one that looks like the Hacienda."

"What's a Hacienda?!" He asked.

"Hacienda is a large estate building most common in South American countries. Commonly they are owned by wealth ranchers or plantation owners," Rei explained but just got a blank look from her brother so she continued. "Grandmother has buildings and architecture from all over the world. All of her employees come from different parts of the world. By having some familiar surroundings, they feel more comfortable and quickly adapt. Mother and I are staying in the Royal palace located in the centre of the island."

"Oh well that makes a lot of sense…" There was a moment of silence before Shinji officially freaked out.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT?!

"Hey baka, it looks like the charter boat is back from its morning reef snorkelling tour. If you hurry your ass we should be able to make for the afternoon tour." Asuka had ignored his outburst and continued checking the island for things to do.

Shinji's was light headed and not feeling feel. He collapsed backwards. Rei had a wheelchair on standby and caught her brother before he could hurt himself on the hard floor.

"Oh my, I guess it was all a little too much for him to take in. May be I should have just given him this." She produced the 2015 edition of the Ikari Imperial Island Introduction Handbook and Guide. "It's a shame. This year we have included vouchers that you can use in the casino and shopping districts."

IKARI IMPERIAL FOOTBALL STATDIUM

"EVERYONE GET OUTTA WAY!" the angry women's obscene shouting abruptly woke Shinji. It gave him a terrible fright and he stumbled out of the wheelchair. The sound of over revved diesel engines from two massive bulldozers flew past him with a gust of wind. There caterpillar tracks tore up the lush green pitch sending mud and muck into the air.

"Ritsu-chan, are you sure that you are following the blueprints?" His grandmother asked the young blonde scientist. The both of them were wearing construction safety hats and Ritsuko holding a mega phone.

"HA! YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME WITH DRIVING LIKE THAT?!" one of the driver's behind the bulldozer was Misato. He only caught a glimpse of flowing auburn hair of the other driver to be Kyoko Sohryu.

"Shinji!!" A familiar and concerned voice called his name through the noise. Next he was swamped in a familiar bear hug. She was so quick that he didn't notice the sticks of demolition explosives hanging out of her pocket. "Mummy was so worried about you! But I knew that you pull through. You are my baby boy after all!"

"What hell is going on?!" He shouted trying to get over the bulldozer derby. Suddenly a construction hat was quickly plonked on his head.

"You must take care. We are in a construction area," his twin sister said after placing the hard hat on him and then proceeded to make him wear a highly visible fluorescent vest.

"Shinji, tell Ritsu-chan that she's reading them the wrong way," Gohei turned to him with open blueprints in her hands. The grandmother was adamant that her plans were not being followed.

"You would be having problems as well if you had to deal with these monkeys as workers!" Ritsuko barked in her defence as racing bulldozers completed another lap.

"Shinji! Ritsu! You want an ice cream?! It's my treat!" Naoko Akagi's voice called out to them from nowhere. They looked around and found the woman buying ice creams from a vendor cart.

"This is no time for ice cream!" Ritsuko shouted in frustration. They watched the elder Akagi completed the transaction and walk towards them. The ice cream vendor quickly escaped from the stadium.

"LOOK OUT!!" The group screamed as the oblivious woman walked into the path of the two bulldozers pretending to be dodgem cars. She slipped right between the monstrous racing machines, narrowly missing from being turned into a fresh meat patty.

"DAMN IT! I MISSED!!" Kyoko cursed as his missed out on an opportunity to rid herself of her annoying friend.

Naoko continued to happily skip towards the group. She was careful not to drop or drip any of the ice cream.

"There you go! Strawberry for you." The mother ignored the concerned looks on everyone's face and handed over the cold sweet to Ritsuko. Out of reluctance and frustration, she snatched the ice cream from her mother.

"Do you have any idea what you just did?! Do you have any idea how close you came to dying?!" The Akagi daughter was trying her very hardest to try and remain calm,

"Everyone here will agree with me just how stupid that was!" The blonde woman turned to the group for backup but she should have known better.

"Now I feel like some ice cream. Where the hell get that vendor go?!" Gohei looked over where the ice cream disappeared hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

Ritsuko face faulted into the stadium turf. Her body making a prefect imprint in the earth. Her strawberry ice cream hit the dirt with a splat.

"Ritsuko-san?!" Shinji was the only one worried about the woman's well being.

"Hmph! Don't expect mummy to buy you another ice cream!" Naoko was adamant that her daughter had dropped her treat in a tantrum and wasn't going to waste money on another.

Suddenly everything went quiet. The roar of the bulldozer's trying to destroy each other disappeared. Shinji focused off Ritsuko for a moment and he checked what was going on. He found the bulldozers stopped and the driver seats were empty.

"AH!" He turned his head and was greeted with Misato and Kyoko face inches away from his. The fright caused the boy stumbled backwards.

"Can we have some ice please Shinji?!" The two women pleaded putting on their best puppy dog begging faces.

"O…kay… On the condition that you tell me what on earth is going on." Regrettably he gave in and stooped down to their level but it was the only way get some answers.

Misato and Kyoko ignored his attempt at plea bargaining and crash tackled Naoko who was still holding onto the last precious ice cream cone. He let out a deep sigh and didn't try to stop the trio cat-fighting in front of him.

Just then, the whine of electric motors caught his ear. The sound belonged to electric golf carts heading their way. Maya was driving with Hikari, Mana and Asuka as passengers. Behind them Kensuke and Touji were in there own golf cart. With something unusual rolled up and placed across the back seat. They carefully navigated their way through the bumpy and uneven terrain that Misato and Kyoko had made.

"Ah! Perfect timing kids! Show us what you have done," Gohei greeted the new arrivals. Touji and Kensuke leapt out and removed the mysterious item from the back seat. Shinji recognised it as some sort of large poster rolled up. His friends began to unravel it to reveal what was written on it.

"Inaugural Decide Shinji Future Contest 2015. Proudly sponsored by NERV Heavy Industries. Tickets and corporate box seats on sale now," The Shinji read aloud what the massive signal said. There was a headache was coming so he began rubbing his temples in a vain attempt to prevent it.

"Hey! We all worked really hard on this and you don't have anything to say?!" Asuka didn't give the boy any reprieve.

"We're having a cook off competition and the winner decides what you are going to do," his mother explained in quietly confident voice, "You don't have to worry about a thing. I got this in the bag."

"Hmpf! You sound awfully confident." The snide comment came from none other than Asuka. The young girl scoffed at the mother's words. The pair began to exchanging death stares.

"Oh my, I didn't expect it to be a three way competition. I guess I'll have the plans changed for a bigger kitchen stadium," Gohei snapped her fingers and a maid appeared out of no where with all the stealth and silence of a ninja.

"So let me see if I understand this… All of you." Shinji finally mustered up what was left of his sanity and pointed to the whole group.

"Ah-huh," They replied with all their heads nodding in perfect unison.

"Are building a kitchen stadium to have some sort of cook competition," He continued.

"Ah-huh," They replied and nodded again.

"And it's a three way contest between," He points at Gohei who nods politely then swings his arm around to the mother's group who waves energetically and then finally moves over to Asuka and his friends

"And the winner gets to decide what I do with my future," he finished up pointing at himself.

"Ah-huh," They all replied again for a third time.

Then there was silence as his mind tried to make understand the input of information that was given to him.

"Geez… wonder where that ice cream man went," Gohei broke the silence with her totally unrelated comment. Shinji face faulted into the ground joining Ritsuko in making an imprint of his body on the stadium earth.

"DON'T I GET A SAY IN ANY OF THIS?!" He managed to pull his face up from the ground and shout on the top of his lungs.

There was another pause as his family and friends looked at one another. Then without uttering a word to each other, they came to a decision.

"HAHAHAHA!!" they all broke out in hysterical laughter like a troupe of baboons in the jungle. Shinji just let his head hit the ground once again. Kensuke and Touji approached and offered some consoling pats on the back. Their gesture was nice but did nothing.

"My baby boy is so funny! It's just so cute!" Yui cried out while wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Don't I get a say in any of this?!" Naoko put on a mock voice of Shinji which caused more laughter.

"He sounds just like baka Gendo!" Kyoko was rolling around on the ground pounding the ground with her fist.

"Oh my… children say the funniest things…" The normally well mannered Gohei Ikari had troubles controlling herself.

Rei had turned her face away to hide her snickering. Asuka and the other girls were less worried about the way they expressed their laughter.

"Some friends you two are…" Shinji mumbled with his face in the dirt.

"Sorry dude. We signed an exclusively deal with your Gran to host and broadcast the event," Touji continued to pat his friend on the back, "But don't feel bad we negotiated a good deal for us."

"Yeah!" Kensuke chimed in, "You should be happy that you are helping us! We're getting a cut in all ticket sales and big slice of the T.V. money!"

"You're welcome…" Shinji hoped that if he breathed in enough soil it would fill is lungs to end his existence. But his grandmother said something that made the option of living for the next few minutes a little more interesting.

"Oh that reminds me," She snapped her fingers together. "I have something to show you Shinji. It's actually the main reason I asked you to come to my island."

She fiddled around inside the sleeve of her kimono and pulled her cell phone. She began dialling then realised something, "Do you feel like riding in a helicopter or limousine? We need to get to the other side of the island."

Her question literally caused his body to start convulsing uncontrollably.

"Hmmm… by air would be quicker but if went by road we can stop of ice cream," it was sound logic from the elder Ikari as Shinji's friends and family tried to snap him out of his seizure.

IKARI ISLAND – SOMEWHERE SOUTH

A lone body had washed up on the one of the many deserted beaches surrounding Ikari Island. It was a man and he laid face down in the sand, exhausted from his struggle against the sea. The coarse granules of sand acted like a steel scrubbing brush on the inside of his nose and throat. He breathed it in with a mixture of sea water and the uncomfortable sensation caused a gag relax action. The man coughed and splattered as he rolled himself over to his back. All he could see was the clear blue sky and the bright blinding sun starting to cook his skin.

"It's about time you woke," a familiar voice said from behind. He slowly tilted head backward and recognised the upside down figure who addressed him.

"That hat looks stupid on you," Gendo voice crackled. His sensei Kouzou Fuyutsuki had somehow survived the watery crash landing in the VTOL. Out of necessity the older man had carefully folded a pirate hat out of his newspaper.

"It's a lot better than getting sunburnt," Fuyutsuki countered. Just then the pitter-patter sound of webbed feet wobbling along the sand grew loud enough for Gendo not to ignore it.

"WARK!" Pen-pen was running and Gendo was in the way. The family pet leapt onto his human father's chest and continued waddling away at great speed.

"What the…OOPF!" Before he could finish the size 11 loafer belonging to Ryoji Kaji was implanted squarely in his mid section.

"GET BACK HERE!" The ponytailed hair man shouted while wielding a poorly hand made spear, "What are you two doing sitting down?! Dinner is getting away!"

The starving and desperate man didn't wait for any help and continued the hunt the only source of food he could find.

"WARK!" 'Stupid long haired pretty boy! I'm not a KFC bucket!!' Pen-pen sustained his flow insults while maintaining a fairly safe distance between him and his hunter.

IKARI ISLAND – IKARI NATIONAL LIBRARY

After a brief stop to get ice cream for everyone, the convoy of limousines had reached their destination. They stopped outside the front steps of the Ikari National Library Archive.

"Awww… I wanted to stop at the petting zoo," Misato complained with enjoying her cold snack. They had passed the Ikari National Zoo on their way and it didn't go unnoticed. This month's special was a petting zoo with baby animals.

"Yeah! I'm with Misato. Why didn't we stop?" Naoko seconded Misato's notion as well as helping herself to another serve of ice cream.

"We can stop by afterwards and besides, if I remember correctly, one of us is blacklisted from the zoo," Gohei answered and began ascending the long flight of stone stairs to the library's entrance.

"Blacklisted? How do you get blacklisted from a zoo?" Kensuke asked out loud.

"Let's just hurry up!" Kyoko said quickly and almost ran up the stairs after Gohei like she had something to hide.

"Oh that's right! Baka Kyoko got in trouble for playing with that donkey," Naoko quickly recalled the unsavory event.

"You better not say a word!" Asuka's mother threatened from up the stairs. But a large crowd had gathered around Naoko to hear the story. As she proceeded to recant the events in questions it was clear to everyone what had happen.

"EWWW!!" Everyone backed away after the conclusion of the story.

"Damn! That's the sickest thing I have heard," Touji gagged.

"Yeah!" Kensuke seem to back up his partner in crime, "Did anyone get any photos?!"

"Awww… Poor Mr. Donkey…" Misato felt sorry for the animal that suffered at the hands of Kyoko Sohryu.

"Mr. Donkey was one day away from retirement," Naoko shook her head disapprovingly, "He was never the same again."

Kyoko quickly ran towards Shinji, "Shinji! You have to believe me! It was Baka Naoko's idea! We were drunk! There's this video on the internet! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!"

The mother began shaking the boy so much that he couldn't answer if he wanted.

"AH! Get away from my baby boy!" Yui quickly rescued him, "Who knows what diseases you have?!"

"So… Asuka…" Mana approached the red head grinning like a Cheshire cat. A definite wise crack was coming. But Asuka lashed out first with a wild swing which Mana dodged easily. The enraged daughter then set her sights on her mother and made a furious beeline towards her.

"If everyone is done talking about Kyoko's forays into inter-species erotica," all the colour drained from Kyoko's face and she turned into a statue, "I have something that's much more interesting."

Yui hugged Shinji close to her body like a new born and quickly went up the stairs, putting as much distance between her and Kyoko. Everyone else followed. Asuka was last and stopped next to her frozen mother. She was going to push her down the stairs but a pigeon landed on top Kyoko's head. The bird proceeded to relieve himself, leaving whitish gray stains all over the woman.

"Pfft… You probably enjoyed that," the daughter sneered before catching up to the group.

Everyone was waiting for her outside the main entrance. They were all dwarfed by the ancient Romeisch stone pillars which lead into the arch way entrance.

"Is everyone here now?!" Gohei produced a flag with a chibified faces of her grandchildren and waved it around like a tour guide, "We standing in front of the Ikari national library. Construction started in the 1800s and took almost thirty years to complete. It consist over 40 million catalogued books and other printed material in 470 languages. There is almost one thousand kilometers of shelf space. And there is a current project to digitize the older more fragile material for preservation."

"And what's the purpose of bringing us all here?" Ritsuko felt she was wasting her time and got straight to the point.

"I figured that some of you may be interested in some rare footage of Shinji as a baby and growing up," At that moment Gohei was almost knocked over by the mob that charged inside without a second thought. She skillfully avoided the rampaging females and managed to save Shinji hooking his collar with the tip of her flag.

"You know the surveillance footage with Kyoko and Mr. Donkey might also be in the archive," Touji and Kensuke didn't even stop to open the door and ploughed straight through. All that remained was Ritsuko and Maya. The blonde woman sighed, turned and trudged away.

"Ah! Sempai?!" Maya called out. She was confused at what to do in this situation.

"I'm sick of this… I'm going to find myself a drink…" Her sempai moaned.

"You know Ritsuko-chan," Gohei began speaking which made the other woman stop, "We have quite an extensive science and technology department. In fact I think that we have solution to that experimental S2 engine project you are working on in secret."

"Huh?! How did you know about?!" The grandmother had the blonde scientist's full attention now. Her current pet project the experimental S2 engine was privy to only a hand full of people within NERV. This new technology would make the petroleum combustion engines obsolete. Her revolutionary zero emission compact power-plant would put her top of the scientific world. But she had run into a few complications which were frustrating her.

"Well, if you're not interested…" Gohei was about to withdraw her offer when she was interrupted.

"No! No! It's always good to get a different perspective on a problem," Ritsuko quickly changed her mind and turned to her assistant, "Let's go Maya."

She strode pass, trying to hide her excitement. Maya politely bowed and thanked the host and quickly followed inside.

"That's was easy. Hohoho." The grandmother gave her patent chuckle. She originally thought the task of getting Shinji and Rei away from everyone would encounter some difficulties.

"Can you let me down now?" Shinji asked still suspended from the end of the tour flag. He was gentle lowered and unhooked himself.

"Are you kids ready for family history lesson?" Gohei said with glee while waving her flag around.

IKARI ISLAND – SOMEWHERE SOUTH

Kaji's chase for nourishment continued along the deserted but idyllic coastline. A few times he was close to capturing his prey but Pen-pen was skilful enough to dodge all his thrusts of the poorly made spear. He was about to give up when the penguin tripped and stumbled over something half buried in the sand. The lapping water washed away more sand and revealed wooden crate of some sort.

"WARK!" (Sumhavabitch! Who's the asshole that put that there?!) The bird cursed and grabbed his swollen flipper.

"We're saved! There must be rations inside!" Kaji immediately thought the crate had fallen off a cargo ship and washed up here. His excitement caused the two elder statesmen stranded on the beach to approach.

A heavy and corroded padlock sealed the lid tight. Kaji improvised and grabbed Pen-pen. He formed the bird in the shape of a crowbar and proceeded to smash open the padlock. After a few stiff whacks the lock easily broke and he tossed Pen-pen crowbar over his shoulder.

"WARK!" (MUTHAFAR…) his non children friendly obscene squawks faded into the distance.

Salivating at the mouth, Kaji kicked open the crate but it wasn't the life saving rations that he hoped that were inside.

"Hiss! The light! It burns! It burns! Hiss!" A malnourished and pale Kaworu Nagisa hissed like a cat at his rescuers. Kaji quickly slammed the lid on the boy and looked at his two companions.

"Look… No one else knows that he's here or alive… I hear that human fresh tastes exactly like pork…" He said to Fuyutsuki and Gendo with a deranged look in his eyes.

IKARI NATIONAL LIBRARY – SECRET LOCATION

"Rei-chan," Gohei called to her granddaughter, "Please hold onto your brother's hand. It's quite big in here and you could get lost easily."

The girl latched onto his brother's hand before her grandmother could finish.

"It's really not…" He tried to protest but a slight squeeze from Rei caused him to fall onto one knee. She looked back at him with eyes telling him to comply.

"I'll be good!" He quickly relented and the pressure was released. Rei also gave a rare smile and resumed following Gohei through the column of endless shelves that towered over the trio.

"Shinji, Rei," She called out to them while continuing to lead then deeper and deeper into the maze of books, "What I'm about to tell you is a family secret and was past down to me by my grandmother. The Ikari family has ruled and controlled the earth since the beginning of mankind. Our family acts as an autonomous organization that decides everything for humanity for their own benefit and prosperity. We decide what you read and see on TV and media. We decide who gets elected to power. We decide who the rich and poor. We decide a country's economic fortune. We decide war's victor and looser."

"As the current head of the family, it's my responsibility to ensure that the next generation is prepared to assume the leadership," She stopped talking when they came to a dead end and turned to her heirs. Unfortunately, only one of them was actually playing attention.

"We have walked a fair way. Do you know how to get back and what about the others," The concerned boy asked. The massive bookcases were starting to have a claustrophobic effect.

"Shinji… please pay attention. This is very important," Gohei couldn't get upset with him as it was his nature to be genuinely concerned for everyone.

"Oh sorry Gran. Hmmm… What's that?" Shinji caught sight of a small table and a laptop behind his grandmother.

"This is the Ikari family tree," She opened the notebook PC to the pair and continued with her explanation, "It contains every Ikari born for the past 500 years. This is who you are Shinji."

"My archeology teams with ancient historians have been able to trace the Ikari blood line using official documents through the ages. Carbon dating test results on some of these documents are anywhere between 5500 and 7500 years old. Unfortunately we have only been able verify about 500 years. The degradation of some documents makes it impossible."

The boy moved closer to the laptop to get a better look, "Oh wow! Hey Rei, I can see us and mum and dad…" He had totally missed the fact that he was heir to the Ikari Empire and all of humanity.

"Look carefully and tell me if you can see something strange about our family history," The older woman whispered into his ear.

He looked at the screen but had no idea what Gohei was asking. Quickly, he pretended to be thinking and luckily Rei quickly found the abnormally.

"All the Ikari children born are female,"

"Good," Gohei confirmed that Rei was right, "As far as we can trace back there has not been a single male child born into the Ikari family. My scientist can't find anything genetic or hereditary which could explain this occurrence. But I have my own theory on the subject."

"Being head of the family holds great responsibility and the temptation to abuse your power and control can sometimes be too strong. A few former heads of our family have also fallen into this trap. I believe that nature put in place something to counter act this overwhelming power and influence that our family holds. Let us suppose that it was a family curse that only allowed girls to be born, never boys." The grandmother explained.

"An Ikari family curse?" Shinji muttered in a confused voice, "If that's the case then what about me?"

The boy's question caused the grandmother to smile, "Shinji… You are the first male heir born into the Ikari family over five and half thousand years. That makes you very special," She followed up a big hug that rivaled one from his mother.

"I still have no idea what you are trying to say," he managed to get out before getting the air squeezed out.

"Grandmother is saying that one day the responsibility of the family will come to you. Should you desire it," Rei explained to him in simple terms.

His goofy grin changed to a confused look at his sister's words.

"Rei-chan is right. Normally, you would have no choice in the matter and we would begin your training immediately to prepare you for the day you assume the head of the family but I've never been one to follow the rules. And I could never force my precious grandson into anything you didn't want to do," She put him back down and spoke seriously again.

"That's why I asked if you wanted to come live with me for a while," both her hands came onto his shoulders, "I'm not forcing you to do anything Shinji. Take as much time as you want to think about my offer…"

Gohei decided to mention something that could tip his decision in her favour, "But remember, you have been banned from attending school back in Tokyo Three."

"Why did you have to remind me?!" he replied almost crying.

IKARI NATIONAL LIBRARY – SHINJI IKARI ARCHIVE

"OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!" Misato cried as she raced between the shelves grabbing as much as she could. Thousands of hours of Shinji goodness on film was too much for the woman to take.

"Hey Misato," Naoko called out to her," Do you have Shinji bath time – Age 4 – Volume 16?" she asked as that DVD was missing from the set that she was collecting.

THUD

"Hey Misato!" Naoko turned around to find the woman had collapsed and begun convulsions. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she laughed uncontrollably. There was just too much Shinji material on hand for her system to handle.

"Geez… you're weak," The other woman ignored Misato's involuntary twitches and turned to the only other adult, "Please tell me that you have my missing DVD, Yui."

"This is unbelievable!" Shinji's mother said with a stern and upset voice, "How is one suppose to find anything with cataloging like this?! I mean where is Shinji breakfast time with mummy, Shinji morning tea with mummy, Shinji lunch time with mummy, Shinji afternoon tea with mummy, Shinji dinner time with mummy…"

"Right…" Naoko said and slowly began backing away from the deranged mother.

"Whoa! Look at this!" Mana called out excitedly. She was browser along the bottom of the shelves and stumbled across something. Asuka quickly dropped her stack of DVDs and grabbed what Mana was holding.

"Please tell me you have my missing DVD?" Naoko waltzed over to see what the fuss was all about. Unfortunately it wasn't the volume she needed to complete her set.

"Shinji Ikari – First Kiss – Age… Damn it! The end is smudged. I can't make it out!" Asuka read the cover of the DVD aloud. Her words were enough to snap Misato out of her giggle fit and made Yui pay attention.

"We don't need to watch that. I can tell you what me and Shin-chan did that afternoon," Misato spoke confident that she was Shinji's first kiss.

"You are so full of shit! I was that Baka's first kis-" Asuka stopped just before finishing.

"I remember once Shinji and I had cleaning duty one day…" Mana's eyes went all dreamy as she thought of her special moment.

"Actually, there was this time me and donkey girl were bored at NERV so we pulled Shinji out of school to play with us…" Naoko's comment caused Yui to rip the DVD out of Asuka's hands.

"My poor baby boy!!" She leapt backwards and pointed an accusing finger at the others, "My baby boy has been sexually abused! All of you will not be forgiven! The first one to feel my wrath is… ARA??" Yui opened the DVD case to reveal something she didn't expect.

IKARI NATIONAL LIBRARY – SURVEILLANCE ARCHIVE

The pair of Kensuke Aide and Touji Suzuhara doing their best impersonations of pack rats hunting for their precious Kyoko petting zoo surveillance DVD. They made a total mess and didn't care.

"God damn it! That DVD has to be in here!!" Kensuke cursed as he emptied another shelf and started a new one.

"Hey," Touji stopped for a moment, "What you reckon she did with that donkey?"

"What are you?! Retarded?!" His stupid question also earn a DVD to the back of the head, "I'll be first to admit that the red devil is a bitch and a half but her mum has a tight body on her. And you've seen how they get when they drink."

"Yeah but…" Touji seem to be searching for the right words, "I'm not really into animals and stuff… you know…" He copped another DVD to the back of head.

"Stop that!" The school basketball star had enough and threw one back at his friend.

"I'm thinking about the bigger picture," Kensuke replied rubbing the back of his head, "We can sell copies of that DVD to real perverts for a tonne of cash."

"Wow… that's a really good idea…"

"Thanks man!" The bespectacled boy said chuffed about his grand plan.

"Why are you thanking me?" A confused Touji asked.

"You just said that it was a good idea," Aida replied.

"No I didn't," The class jock answered. They stopped searching and slowly looked at each other but it was too late. The shelves on either side slowly began tipping inwards.

"AHHH!!" Screaming like frighten school girls, they grabbed onto each other as weight of the entire surveillance catalogue came tumbling down on them.

CRUNCH

It sounded like a giant sequoia had been felled. The noise of the terrible fall was followed but a audible meaty squish. The culprit stood proudly on top of the fallen book shelves like a satisfied lumberjack. She slowly reached into her pocket and produced a canister of lighter fluid. Then proceed to soak the surround area in the flammable liquid.

"That footage will never see the light of day…" Kyoko Sohryu muttered under her breath and pulled a Zippo lighter from her other pocket. The mother accused of inter-species relationships had come out of her stupor and was on a mission to cover up all the evidence that tarnished her good name.

She tossed the Zippo in the middle of the soaked area, then turned her back and calmly walked away. It instantly ignited and slowly began to spread.

IKARI NATIONAL LIBRARY – SECRET LOCATION

"Have you made your decision yet Shinji?" Gohei asked him rather eagerly. It was no surprise that she wanted him to agree to her proposition.

"Eh? You said I could have some time to think about it." He replied almost rattled.

"Well, it has been five minutes," her reply caused his head to drop in defeat. It was clear where Yui got her all of her traits from. Gohei was just more refined in expressing herself.

Luckily for Shinji, the distinct but faint whiff of something burning allowed him to change the subject. He picked his head and looked around. In the distance a column of dark smoke rose up to the high ceiling and was slowly spreading.

"Honestly… Those girls are trouble…" The grandmother didn't have to think at all to know who was responsible for the random destruction. She then reassured her grandchildren.

"Don't worry kids. My library has the state of the art fire suppression system," She announced proudly and then waited for said system to active.

"Yup! It should turn on any time now," Her words weren't backed up with action. There was nothing as the smoke grew thicker.

"Now would be a good time!" She was starting to get impatient and angry now.

"I'm going to check on everyone!" It was a good time for Shinji make his escape, "I'll find them and all meet outside!" His sister and grandmother called out to him but he was already gone.

IKARI NATIONAL LIBRARY – TECHNOLOGY ARCHIVE

"Ah… sempai…" Maya sounded slightly concerned as she tapped the shoulder of Ritsuko Akagi. An assortment of scientific journals and textbooks lay open in front of the senior scientist. She was busily take photographs of confidential material with her cell phone.

"What is Maya? Have you finished?" Ritsuko was too absorbed in her act of espionage to really pay attention.

"No. I think you should come see this," The apprentice felt it was urgent enough to drag Ritsuko away from her spy work. She hurried down the aisle until they came to a wall then quickly pointed to her left. Further down the wall something was flickering and releasing electrical sparks. Ritsuko went down to investigate but made sure she stayed a safe distance.

"What the… it's some sort of fire control panel. Looks like someone has taken an axe to it," Deep gouges resembling an edge of an axe had rendered the control panel useless, "Who would do such a thing?"

IKARI NATIONAL LIBRARY – SHINJI IKARI ARCHIVE

"Hey, that's weird…" Mana said looking at the empty DVD case that Yui was holding. Shinji's fan club didn't have time to contemplate the missing DVD when one of the shelves slid across the aisle blocking the path. At the same time another shelf behind the group did the same thing. They were all boxed in now.

"Burn! Let it all burn!!" A sinister and evil voice laughed out loud afterwards.

"Ah! Ghosts!" Naoko shrieked. Inanimate objects moving on their own and ghostly cries lead her to only on conclusion. She quickly dropped to her knees and began chanting words of Buddha to excise the evil spirits.

"Does anyone else smell that?" Asuka had ignored the older woman's odd behaviour when she detected the faint whiff of smoke in the air.

"Yeah… I smell that as well. Smoke," Mana agreed. Gradually the smell was too strong to be ignored.

"We are dealing with a really powerful spirit that can manipulate human senses!" Naoko still believed that they were dealing something paranormal, "I need everyone to repeat this chant after me! With everyone's help we should be able to banish it!"

"Hi Shin-chan!!" Misato screamed like a fanatical teenage fangirl. They all looked in the direction that she was waving. On top of the shelves that boxed then all in, the poor boy was bound and gagged. He fought hard against his restraints but it was no use. His capturer stood next to him. The shadowy figure raised an arm holding a fire axe and pointed to the group.

"Burn," she sneered and a wall of flames flared up behind her revealing her face. It was now obvious that they were surrounded by a fierce fire that was quickly spreading.

"Damn it Kyoko!" Yui shouted angrily at her friend, "Did you take this DVD and not return it?!"

It was face plants and sweat drops all around after Yui's irrelevant question. The mother was the only one standing, pointing to the empty DVD case in her hand.

"Baka Yui! You don't understand the situation you are in," angered by the fact that her presences didn't have the effect she wanted, Kyoko decided to use her trump card. She held up the rope expecting Shinji on be on other end but strangely it felt a little light.

"Awww… Did my Shin-chan come and rescue me? That's so sweet!" Misato held the captive boy in her arms like a groom would a bride. She quickly set him down, "Now it's time for your reward…"

A sense of relief washed over Shinji when he felt Misato's hand fiddle with his ropes. But this quickly disappeared when her hands moved from the ropes to his belt buckle and the zipper on his fly.

"Baka Misato! Give him back! I'm not finished!" Kyoko leapt from the top of the shelves to retrieve the boy and get back the upper hand.

"Just give me ten minutes. Then you can be next," Misato quickly straddle the boy. She held him down firmly with one hand and began unbuttoning her blouse with the other.

"What?! Ten minutes?!" Asuka's mother looked at her watch and then relented, "Fine! Just hurry up!"

"Actually it's twenty minutes. You are behind me," Mana Kirishima pointed out the fact that there was a queue for Shinji's services.

"Damn it! There's always a line for these sorts of things!" Kyoko spat but lined up behind the school girl. She then quickly remembered what she was trying to do, "Wait a minute! Why the hell am I waiting!!"

Kyoko impolitely shoved Mana out of the way and went to plant her axe in the back of Misato's head. But before she could perform brain surgery with common garden tool some one got in her way.

"Oh honourable spirit, please forgive us. We didn't mean to anger you," Naoko appeared in front of her friend wearing traditional Shinto priestess robe.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Kyoko screamed at her but it was no use. High priestess Naoko had already began her purification ceremony.

"Weren't you a Buddhist five minutes ago?" Asuka tapped the chanting priest on the shoulder and pointed out the error in her ways.

"Oh blessed child," Naoko responded, "One must be prepared to accept all faiths to see the one true light. Ahem," She finished with putting her hands together like a catholic nun, "Now let us join hands prayer."

"Oh, hello? Is this library information," Everyone attention focused on Yui for a moment. The woman was on her cell phone, "My name is Yui Ikari. Ikari. That's I, K, A, R, I. I am the proud single mother of Shinji and Rei. I'm also Thirty eight years young. Now I demand to talk to the person in charge! You have misplaced a DVD of my baby boy and want to know what happen to it right now!"

"Is she serious?" Mana asked anyone willing to listen or answer.

"She's a baka…" Asuka sighed.

"Yeah who the hell gives a self introduction when on the phone?" The older Sohryu woman had forgot that she was trying to destroy any evidence that linked her to the petting zoo blacklisting again.

"Yes, I'll hold," Yui began pacing back and forth impatiently. She didn't have to wait long until she was put through, "Hello?! Are you in charge?! Now you listen here… Hang on?! Mother?!"

"GASP!!" Shinji had just managed to shift the gag from his mouth, "This that grandma?! Quick, let me talk to her!" He demanded and Yui obliged. She knelt down next to him and held the handset close to his face.

"Hey! I'm not done yet!" Misato was upset that someone was interrupting her personal time with her favorite male.

"Gran! Fire! Bad! Get out!" His mouth couldn't work as fast as his brain wanted. Coupled with the fact that he was being molested at the same time, his speech was all jumbled.

(You've kinda rang at a bad time Shinji. I'm just in the middle of introducing Rei to the SEELE Committee. If it's alright, can I call you back in about ten minutes) her reply was something he didn't expect.

"We're trapped inside a burning building and you're telling me it's a bad time to call!!" Shinji scream back in disbelief then switch back to his normal voice, "What the hell is a SEELE Committee?"

"Oh, it's like an oversight committee which act as a think tank for the decisions that the head of the family makes. You ran off so quickly, I didn't get a chance to explain everything to you," She explained casually, "But don't your sister is here and she's getting along with everyone."

"I don't understand a thing you are saying…" he said crying in frustration.

(Oh, Rei wants to talk to you. Hang on a second.) There was a pause as the Gohei handed over her cell phone.

(Brother.) she said stoically.

"Rei! Thank God! Someone with some sense! Listen…" He was quickly interrupted by his twin sister.

(The committee has asked for a decision on the crisis occurring in the Atlantic)

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT!!"

(Understood. I'll inform them of your decision. Take care) She handled back the phone to her grandmother.

(I'm so proud! My grandson made his very first decision concerning the fate of mankind! Anyway, we'll take care of things with SEELE for now. You just enjoy yourself. Bai-bai!) Before he could shout another word of protest, the engaged tone was ringing back at him.

"HEY! Where the hell is my DVD?!" Not satisfied that her answer went unanswered, Yui violently threw her cell phone onto the ground. It smashed into a thousand pieces and along with it was Shinji's only connection with the outside world and help.

"Why did you do that?!" he cried at his mother's moment of rage.

"Oh I'm so sorree…" Yui picked him up and hugged him, "Mummy got angry and that must have been wery scary. But mummy's not mad at you."

"Let. Me. Go." He quietly demanded trying to restrain his own anger from spilling over. She complied and just as his feet hit touch the floor a weaken section of the ceiling broke apart and fell.

"BAKA! / Shinji!" both Mana and Asuka saw the debris falling and was going hit Shinji. They both dove forward and crash tackled him to safety.

"Eh?!" was the last thing heard from Yui before she was buried under the burning rubble.

CRASH

"HAHAHA!! SUX IN!! IN YOUR FACE BITCH!!" Kyoko Sohryu danced and gloated at her friend's fiery demise. She had toiled hard for some revenge and it had finally come. Unfortunately, she was too busy celebrating to realize the bookshelf behind her was coming down on top of her

CRASH

The second failure in building structural integrity had silenced her annoying celebratory cries. But out of the flames walked a shadowy figure which indicated that the shelf was push over to make room. When mystery visitor cleared the flames, it become apparent that it was someone in a reflective fire proof suit.

"Don't panic! I have everything under control," The only remaining half sensible adult stepped forward and took control of the situation. Naoko Akagi had undergone another cosplay change and was know sporting beige overalls lugging around what appeared to be a proton pack.

"COME GET SOME!!" She flicked the switch on the nuclear accelerator machine and it let out a sci-fi buzz. Without any warning she fired. A solid beam shot out of the end of the weapon. The kickback was too much for Naoko to handle and she quickly lost control and was randomly blasting everything in within range.

"Holy crap! That thing is real?!" Shinji screamed in shock at the fully functioning proton pack.

"HOLY CRAP! THIS THING IS REAL!!" Wannabe ghost-buster Naoko screamed back.

"Don't cross the streams!" Mana had seen the movie and remembered the helpful hint.

The person in the fireproof suit stood dumbfounded for a moment at the Naoko's stupidity but quickly remembered that they were inside a burning building.

"What are you doing?!" a muffled voice from inside the helmet. Everyone stared at their own reflection in the visor.

"Oh my God! We're filthy!" Misato, Asuka and Mana all exclaim at all the soot their faces had collected. All three quickly began wiping their faces clean. Unfortunately the person decided to take off their helmet.

"I sometimes wonder why I bother helping any of you," Ritsuko revealed herself as the person inside the fire suit.

"Ritsu-chan?!" Naoko asked while still trying to control her proton pack, "What are you doing here? You don't happen to know how you turn this thing off?"

"What the hell…" Her mother was still trying to fight the radioactive stream and Ritsuko thought it better to just ignore it. She quickly knelt down and pressed down on a floor tile which revealed a secret panel with a key pad. The fire proof woman quickly entered in the code and a hatch in the floor opened.

"Quickly! This whole place is coming down!" She hurried Misato and the children into the hatch. She didn't even glance back at her mother before entering and closing the hatch.

"Wait! What about my mother and the others?!" Shinji asked with a slight panic in his voice.

"It's too late for them. We must hurry!" Ritsuko tried to push everyone down the dimly lit stairs.

BANG BANG BANG

Loud banging came from above, "Hello! Can you let me in please?!" It was followed up by Naoko's voice.

"You see it's too late for them," Ritsuko blocked the way back out.

"Come on Shin-chan," Misato used the opportunity to grab the boy by the hand and begin leading downwards. Asuka was to be out done and quickly grabbed his other hand. The two female glared are each other for a moment then both started racing down the stairs.

"Wait for me!" Mana didn't want to be left out and quickly jumped on to Shinji's back. Her leap caused him to loose balance and trip. This set off a chain reaction and all four people began tumbling downwards into the unknown darkness.

END OF CHAP

AUTHOR'S NOTES I  
Might try something different with an omake of sorts. This was inspired by the Chuck Norris facts site so they may contain mature subjects or subjects that may offend.

OMAKE – EVERYDAY FACTS  
Gohei Ikari is so rich she pays the salaries of God, Buddha, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy  
One Yui Ikari wooden spoon attack is the equivalent of 78457 Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks  
Gendou Ikari donates blood with a bucket and handgun  
Rei Ikari uses cyanide capsules as sleeping tables  
Shinji Ikari can only wear kryptonite condoms  
Misato Katsuragi doesn't believe in condoms  
Kyoko Sohryu only found out recently that she is allergic to donkey hair  
Asuka Langley Sohryu has a chromosome called Baka Shinji Slap  
Naoko Akagi's favourite cosplay is the flying pig from Porco Rosso  
Ritsuko Akagi first staring role was the evil nurse in Bible Black before Everyday  
Maya Ibuki underwent a breast reduction procedure for her role in Everyday  
Kouzou Fuyutsuki has denied reports that he was arrested in a park, naked with a bottle of hot sauce and a rubber chiken  
Ryoji Kaji maintains his unshaven look with a Lady Remington  
Mana Kirishima has a chromosome called Red Devil Slap  
Hikari Horaki has not touched any alcohol in 147 days  
Kensuke Aide has the world's largest Barbie doll collection  
Touji Suzuhara has the world's largest Ken doll collection  
Kaworu Nagisa has a court order stating he can't come within 400m of any public bathhouse  
Pen-pen has slept with more women than Gene Simmons and Wilt Chamberlin combined

AUTHOR'S NOTES II  
Very late update and a very late sorry…


End file.
